Spring 2021 by Just Between Us

Created to

F lourish by Carol McLeod

CHOOSING GRACE INSTEAD OF CONFLICT

Kristyn Getty Talks About Making Your Soul by Shelly Esser with Constance B. Fink

Sing

THE WELLMANNERED MARRIAGE SELF CARE FOR CAREGIVERS THRIVING IN YOUR SINGLENESS

spring 2021 | F I N D

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welcome from the editor SHELLY ESSER

You were created to flourish! Isn’t this just the most wonderful news? To flourish simply means to grow well, to thrive. It’s the definition of a life well-lived. And that’s exactly what God wants for each of us. He doesn’t want us to live life “just getting by.” He wants us to thrive and to live abundant lives filled with continuous growth and the ability to embrace His goodness and beauty all around us. No matter what season we’re in, God intends for us to flourish—and He not only desires it, He makes it possible. Every year, Just Between Us picks a word for the year—and this year, you guessed it, it’s flourish. I think God knew, after the long, difficult year we’ve just come through, that we needed an inspiring word, an uplifting word that just makes our hearts happy, our souls sing, and fills us up with hope. Flourish and all that it means does that for me, and I pray it does that for you as well.

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Psalm 92:13 says, “Planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of God.” We invite you to join us on this flourishing adventure over the next year and watch what God does in your life. He created you to be a flourisher! Happy New Year! We’re so glad you’re part of the JBU family.

spring 2021

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To get us started, here is some en“flourish”ment for your soul! We’re excited about the variety of articles in this issue starting with Carol McLeod’s excellent article on page 16 encouraging us on “how the ability to flourish is a prerequisite for living a vibrant life.” Another highlight is our interview with singer/songwriter Kristyn Getty (our cover model). Find Kristyn’s engaging interview “A Song in Her Heart” on page 22. There is no greater way, especially through the different seasons of our lives, for our souls to flourish than through the gift of song with lyrics that connect our hearts to God. And “Taking Care of You!” on page 38 will help you flourish as you focus on others while taking care of yourself.

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is a spiritual director, speaker, and cofounder of Abiding Way Ministries, providing spiritual formation retreats and resources. She is the author of the bestselling Sensible Shoes Series of spiritual fiction novels, as well as her most recent books Shades of Light and Remember Me.

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We are going to be asking: “How do we really, truly flourish—in our relationship with God, with others, the world, emotionally, physically, and in every other way?” We’re going to discover that there are ways to flourish in all areas of our lives—and it begins this moment. God created us to thrive, to find meaning and purpose, vigor and vitality, goodness and generosity, and fulfillment in everything in our lives so we can live the best life He has for us. “We flourish,” as Margaret Feinberg says, “when we pursue the life God intends for us.”

It’s my prayer and hope for this new year that you—our beloved regular readers and those who have just joined us—will come to understand what this wonderful word means in all of its fullness, and that this will be a year of flourishing…a year where you see God’s abundance in every area of your life.

contents

VOLUME 31

NO. 2

features 20 Anchored Through Every Storm

Identifying storm triggers before they become too overwhelming and cause you to lose your anchor. by Catriona Futter

Leaning Into the Limitless Love of God Discover how it will exceed all of

CREDITS

SPRING 2021

22 faith chats

A Song in Her Heart

Singer-songwriter Kristyn Getty is making beautiful music to make your soul sing. by Shelly Esser with Constance B. Fink

your expectations. by Elizabeth Murphy

Life Was a Highway One woman’s story of accepting God’s new direction for her life amidst a life-changing medical crisis. by Kelley Wotherspoon

When You Have Been Wounded We are all broken people who are givers and receivers of brokenness. It’s what we do with our brokenness that matters. by Jen Allee

6 Between Us 8 Happy Home 9 EncouragingWORDS 10 Between You and Me 11 Frameable Poetry 12 Heart to Heart Transparent 1 4 Moments

28 The Well-Mannered Marriage

Does the way you treat your spouse need some fine-tuning? by Susan A. Vernick

34 Thriving in Singleness

Saying yes to God’s invitations even when

your dreams are collapsing and life isn’t how you pictured it. by Kristen Kieckhaefer

44 Living Well 45 Strengthening Your Soul

Discovering the Word

Instead of Conflict

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Editorial Assistants Carol Becwar Ann Cook Constance B. Fink Gayle Gengler Betty Hinds Cherry Hoffner Melinda Papador Jen Symmonds Danae Templeton Susan Vanselow Art Director Julie Krinke

Marketing Julie Santiago Director of Mission Advancement/ Social Media Ashley Schmidt Subscriptions Greg Loesche Rebecca Loesche Julie Matthews Phil Perso Mary Richards Lin Sebena Photography Kristin Barlowe, provided courtesy of Getty Music.

Advisory Board Anita Carman Pam Farrel Judy Briscoe Golz Nancy Grisham Pam MacRae Elizabeth Murphy Jackie Oesch Stephanie Seefeldt

ADVERTISING Ellie Dunn For more information call (856) 582-0690 ext. 2# or email ellie@carldunn.com. SUBSCRIPTIONS Subscription Price: $19.95 per year for four issues. Outside US, add $6 per year prepaid US currency; $5 in Canada. Gift Your Ministries: Group subscriptions are now available at reduced rates. Encourage and inspire the women who make ministry happen at your church or other places of outreach or service to others. Energize their relationships, refresh their faith, and become equipped as a team for facing ministry challenges through JBU. For more information, call 800-260-3342 today!

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ON THE COVER

Singer/songwriter Kristyn Getty, our interview this issue, graces our cover.

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To order by phone, or for more information: call 800-260-3342. From Canada call (262) 786-6478. Email: jbu@justbetweenus.org Website: www.justbetweenus.org

Learn to get at the root of conflict and have

General Manager Mary Perso

Make all checks and money orders payable to: Just Between Us, Subscription Orders 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045

40 Choosing Grace and Peace

Administrative Specialist Sharon Vaught

Just Between Us (ISSN 1069-3459) is published quarterly by Just Between Us, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045-3701.

To be the best caregiver for others,

you can’t forget about caring for yourself! by Lisa Elliott

new

15 Minutes in the Word

38 Taking Care of You!

more peaceful relationships by avoiding the five R’s: rejection, resentment, resistance, revenge, and repeating the cycle. by PeggySue Wells

Editor Shelly Esser

Web Director Mary Ann Prasser

in every issue columns 3 Welcome from Outside Your 42 the Editor Front Door

The ability to flourish is a prerequisite for living a vibrant life. by Carol McLeod

Circulation Manager Suzan Braun

Assistant Editor Suzan Braun

on the cover 16 You Are God’s August!

Founder/Executive Editor Jill Briscoe

BETWEEN US

LIVE IN THE WORD AS YOU LIVE IN THE WORLD

Seeing the Beautiful

Lysa TerKeurst

My aunt grew roses for years. I lived with her for almost a year when I was in middle school and my family was falling apart. I remember her telling me not to run through her rose garden. She had other acres that unfolded in wide open fields. I could run there. But I didn’t want to. I only wanted to run through the rose garden, brushing my fingertips across all the velvety blooms showering petals all around.

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As if I could carve a new place in this world lined with beauty and void of adult words like divorce, rejection, and hate … I wanted my world to be soft, pink, and lovely. I didn’t want to think about my dad leaving our family. My heart couldn’t process how he not only didn’t live with us anymore, but he was also slowly pulling back from participating in our lives.

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Have you ever felt that being a good Christian means you’ve got to follow a bunch of rules and measure up? If so, you aren’t alone! In this six-week Bible study of Galatians, Barb Roose shows that even the believers in the early church struggled to let go of rulekeeping and performance in order to embrace God’s free gift of grace.

y life hasn’t been a bed of roses.

What an odd statement. It’s supposed to mean that I haven’t lived a life without snags and hurt. However, think of an actual bed of roses. Doesn’t it have both thorns and flowers?

New Bible Studies from Favorite Authors

pleasures, and they do not mature.” The seed being referred to here is the Word of God. Isn’t it interesting that people who are choked by life’s circumstances and never mature are referred to as having thorns in the soil of their soul? Yes, life sometimes hands us thorns, but we have the choice to park our mind on the thorn or on the beauty it can eventually produce in us, if only we’ll cling tightly to God’s Word. If we dwell on the negatives, we’ll become negative and God’s Word will have a hard time taking root in our souls. If, however, we acknowledge the negative but choose instead to look for the good that can come from it, God’s Word will take root in our souls and produce a lush crop of beauty.

Breakthrough: Finding Freedom in Christ A Bible study by Barb Roose

So, I took a running start with my arms outstretched only to be shocked with searing pain within the first few steps.

Over the years, I came to realize that I can focus on the hurt my dad’s absence caused or choose to focus on other things in my life. Beautiful things. To focus on beauty isn’t to deny the pain. It’s just refusing to let it steal anything else from me.

Thorns. Big, mean, vicious thorns. Thorns that ripped my flesh and opened up the flood of tears I’d been so determined to hold back. Suddenly, I hated that bush. But I couldn’t bring myself to destroy something that produced such beauty.

It’s been more than 25 years since I’ve seen my dad. That’s hard on a girl’s heart. But where he fell so short, God has filled in many gaps. I don’t have to be the child of a broken parent the rest of my life, I can be a child of God. Loved. Truly loved.

I stood back from the source of my pain and wondered, Should I call it a bush of thorns or a bush of flowers? Really, it could go either way.

And that is a beautiful truth I can let flourish in my heart.

Suddenly I wasn’t just staring at a bush. I was staring at my life. My life. Such a bed of roses.

Common Ground: Loving Others Despite Our Differences A Bible study by Amberly Neese

Would I see the hurt, or would I see the beauty?

Participant Workbook with Leader Helps 9781791014506 | $16.99 Video-DVD | 9781791014520 | $44.99

Luke 8:14 says, “The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches, and

Lysa TerKeurst is a mother of five and the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She is the New York Times bestselling author of Uninvited, The Best Yes, Unglued, and Made to Crave. Lysa was recently awarded the Champions of Faith Author Award and has been published in multiple publications such as Focus on the Family, and CNN online.

proverbs31.org

T LysaTerKeurst F Lysa TerKeurst

Pursued: God’s Relentless Love for YOU A Bible study by Jennifer Cowart

Participant Workbook | 9781791014223 | $16.99 Leader Guide | 9781791014247 | $14.99 Video-DVD | 9781791014261 | $49.99

It all comes down to choice. That day in my aunt’s garden, I chose to be aware of the thorns but park my mind on the beautiful roses.

Pursued, a six-week Bible study by Jennifer Cowart, explores God’s great love for us from Genesis to Revelation. Discover that God passionately pursues people who do not deserve His love, and we are those people! Explore God’s love as evidenced in the stories of creation, the patriarchs, the judges and prophets, Jesus, and the early church. Dive into a great love story and discover that it is our story!

Participant Workbook | 9781791014759 | $16.99 Leader Guide | 9781791014773 | $14.99 Video-DVD | 9781791014797 | $49.99

Whether it is in politics, the professional world, a party, or a pew, we face conflict every day. Fortunately, the Scriptures hold the key to living at peace despite our differences. In Common Ground, a four-week Bible study, Amberly Neese combines stories of sibling rivalries from the Bible with personal experience, humor, hope, and her love of God’s Word. These stories point us to peace and reconciliation in all our relationships, reassuring us that it is possible to find common ground with everyone— despite our differences.

In The Friendship Initiative, a 31 day devotional by Amberly Neese, we dive into the friendships and connections Jesus made in the Bible and discover 31 keys for building relationships. Each devotion includes Scripture, a devotional reflection, practical application ideas, and suggestions for reflection and prayer.

The Friendship Initiative: 31 Days of Loving and Connecting Like Jesus A devotional by Amberly Neese 9781791015916 | $12.99

Explore excerpts and video teaching samples at AbingdonWomen.com. Abingdon Women Bible studies are available wherever books are sold.

encouraging WORDS

HAPPY HOME

“Lord Jesus, I want to flourish in Your garden. Father, would You use my life as a demonstration of how wonderful a life can be that is cultivated by You? I pray that others would come to me, eat the fruit of the Holy Spirit, and be satisfied and filled in Jesus’ faithful name. Amen.”

The Allure of Screen Time

Arlene Pellicane

ave you ever seen a child who just couldn’t put the Bible down? Imagine your surprise if you called your child to dinner and they replied, “Mom, just give me a few more minutes in the Gospel of John!” Unfortunately, kids aren’t glued to the Word of God. They are glued to screens. Now, it’s possible for technology to be used to read the Bible or even memorize Scripture, but that isn’t what kids are doing on phones and tablets. Why is screen time so alluring to kids anyway? Here are three reasons: Screen time is interesting. There are no dull moments in the world of screens because your child can always navigate away from something if it is not interesting. Drop-down menus offer more exciting choices. Everything is centered around what pleases the child—even how they listen to music caters to their interests. They don’t just have a CD of music they like; they have a playlist that has exactly what they want to listen to. When you can create a screen world that is based on your preferences, you have little desire in the real world to pay attention to anything you deem boring, irrelevant, or unpleasant.

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level. Computer programmers understand that kids will play and engage indefinitely if the rewards keep coming. Since instruction in school isn’t always instantly gratifying or rewarding, screen-driven kids enter the classroom at a disadvantage. Boys and girls need self-control and strong reading skills to succeed in school. They also need these skills to listen to biblical messages and read the Bible for themselves. When a screen-saturated child faces a task that is uncertain, they often disengage and quit. It’s just too hard. In the screen world, children are trained daily to get what they want, when they want it, and how they want it. That doesn’t sound much like the real world we are preparing our children to live in. In this digital age, so many things vie for your attention and the attention of your child—a notification, the next episode which plays automatically, or someone liking your social media post. Modern technology platforms are programmed to grab your child’s attention and never let it go. Help your child to use technology wisely by modeling healthy use yourself and by setting consistent boundaries. You may want to delay when your child receives personal devices. Proverbs 25:28 says, “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls” (NKJV).

h s i r u flo — Carol McLeod

“THEY ARE PLANTED IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD; THEY FLOURISH IN THE COURTS OF OUR GOD.” — Psalm 92:13, ESV

“You will flourish when you nourish the gift of God in you.” — Unknown

“WE FLOURISH IN MEANING AND PURPOSE WHEN WE SERVE OTHERS WITH OUR UNIQUE GIFTS.” — Catherine Hart Weber, Ph.D.

Help your child win the war against the screens!

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker, podcaster, and author of several books including Screen Kids, Grandparenting Screen Kids, and 31 Days to a Happy Husband. Arlene has appeared on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, and FamilyLife Today, and is the host of the Happy Home Podcast. She lives in San Diego, Calif., with her husband James and their three children. Visit her websites:

screenkidsbooks.com and arlenepellicane.com ArlenePellicaneAuthor ArlenePellicane ArlenePellicane

F T

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Screen time gives immediate rewards. When you click on something on a screen, you immediately get a response. A character moves, a ball is released, or a page changes to reveal something new. A child is constantly rewarded for their engagement. Children who play video games learn quickly that if they keep pressing the buttons, they will advance to the next

“YOU WILL FLOURISH IN DIRECT PROPORTION TO YOUR CONNECTION WITH GOD.”

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Screen time is instant. If you want to know the answer to “Who was Abraham Lincoln?” you don’t have to take out an encyclopedia or ask a teacher—you can search for the answer on your computer or phone and have the answer instantly. It’s so easy to get information in this digital age. That’s a great benefit, but it can also be a curse. Children learn that answers come easily and instantly on screens. If information requires effort to obtain, many screen savvy kids give up. They become accustomed to instant gratification, and unfortunately, that expectation spills into other areas of life where things don’t come instantly.

— Carol McLeod

BETWEEN YOU AND ME

Breath of Life

A “Fight for Life” Flight

Jill Briscoe

ears ago on a plane flight, I found myself sitting next to an “unaccompanied minor.” It caused me to listen carefully to one more flight attendant giving one more safety talk telling us that if the plane got into difficulties, oxygen masks would drop down and that I, the adult, would need to assist the child to acquire life-saving oxygen. Thinking about it, I realized that this would be really hard to do, especially if the child was panicking; obviously in distress and looking to me for help. My instinct would be to grab the mask and fit it quickly over the child’s face first, before attaching my own. That day as I listened with more attention than usual to the stewardess, I realized if I was breathing in a steady stream of life-giving air through my spiritual oxygen mask in order to stay alive, I would have the best chance to help! My mind went to people around the globe who were in crisis situations. Especially, the children. Those who were “unaccompanied” by adults who didn’t know Jesus. Those in crisis situations in a world in deep, deep trouble, like now in this world dealing with COVID-19 and political unrest.

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It Will Be Okay by Lysa TerKerust Helping your child in a fearful world.

How can kids learn that even when they face new and unfamiliar situations, they don’t have to be afraid? Lysa TerKeurst’s engaging children’s book, It Will be Okay, introduces children to Little Seed and Little Fox who are facing changes and brand new circumstances—and they don’t like it one bit! Through this unlikely friendship, children will discover that no matter how fearful their circumstances, God is always with them and they can trust Him. Tips for parents are also provided as well as Scripture verses to memorize with your kids. This is the perfect children’s book for kids ages 4 to 8 for the difficult times we currently find ourselves in. Available on amazon.com and proverbs31.org.

Breath of life, the Spirit’s power, Mercy given for this hour, Coursing through my heart and mind, Giving words for lost mankind. Breathe o’er me that I may breathe Life that lost ones may believe. Breath of life, the Spirit’s love, Breathe upon us from above, Daring not to use our own We come to plead before Your throne, Breathe o’er me that I may breathe Life that small ones may receive. Breath of life, the Spirit’s hope, Strengthening my heart to cope, Ready to take Your light Where your children live in night. Breathe o’er me that I may breathe Life for hurting ones that grieve. Breath of life, the Spirit’s joy, Use me now, my tongue employ. Hands and feet and heart are given Spend me for the cause of heaven. Breathe on me that I may breathe Life that lost ones will receive.

For today and every daily day ahead, I must breathe deeply of the Spirit’s air myself, so I can stay alert to encourage and comfort, instruct and listen, and to pray with those I find myself “sitting” next to. What a privilege in this situation to be on this “flight” in the next seat to people, especially children, for such a time as this. They need us!

Jill Briscoe was born in Liverpool, England. She has

partnered with her husband in ministry for over 60 years, written more than 40 books, and traveled on every continent teaching and encouraging ministry leaders. Jill is the founder of Just Between Us. She can also be heard regularly on the worldwide media ministry called Telling the Truth. She and her husband, Stuart, live in southeast Wis.

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A Great Resource for Kids and Parents

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So today, I am reminded to look around me for children—children who find themselves missing Grandmas and Pappas, a mom or a dad, an aunt or an uncle—children who are so scared of the atmosphere of fear and foreboding, which has too often become part of family life as a result of these times. Or kids who are having nightmares and are just plain terrified and anxious.

A PRAYER

✃ Clip along dotted line for an 8x10 inch print—perfect for framing!

HEART TO HEART

Furrowing Our Souls

Joni Eareckson Tada

love this time of year—even though spring hasn’t quite arrived in many parts of the country—the air is brisk, and the soil is sweet and cool. Spring is a long time coming in western Maryland, where I grew up on our farm. I recall helping Daddy oil the blades of our plow, knowing I’d get to sit on the back of the tractor, as he would furrow the soil in our hayfield and cornfields. This time of year, nothing smells sweeter than the earthy, wet scent of freshly tilled soil—especially when it’s furrowed deep with a plow. Our tractor would cut a yawning channel, flipping up the rich, dark earth toward the sun. It meant our fields were ready to take the seed, water, and warm rays of spring sunshine. When I would help Daddy plant the corn or hayseed, I could easily picture fields of golden grain come summertime. Spring on our Maryland farm reminds me of this wonderful quote from Samuel Rutherford, a great preacher of the Scottish Covenant: “Oh, what I owe to the file, what I owe to the hammer and to the furnace of my Lord Jesus. Why should I refuse the plow of my Savior, the one who makes deep furrows in my soul? I should not be surprised. I know that he is no idle husbandman, for he purposes a crop!”

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Once you were saved, but friend, you are still being saved by God. It is the Lord who is in heaven—bent on purposing a crop in your life, a beautiful harvest of righteousness. Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later, how-

Let Psalm 92:13 be a glorious picture of golden grain in the summertime of your life, for “Planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of God.” Today, don’t despise the plow—the cutting, knife-edge of His Word. The Lord has His hand on the plow, and He will convict you of sin while conforming you to Christ.

“God knows my character is in constant need of improvement… I am glad to have Him furrow my soul.” Remember the glorious outcome. Through it all, you will flourish in the courts of God. Jesus will be the first to receive glory from the peaceful yield of righteousness in your life. Thank God that He is no idle sower. Bless Him for the hardship, and trust Him in the pain. He is purposing quite a harvest in this springtime season of your life.

Lynda MacGibbon is vice president of People and Culture for InterVarsity Canada. Before working for InterVarsity, she was a journalist for over twenty years. She lives in Toronto.

“Whether you live in a tall apartment building or a tiny house on a quiet street, My Vertical Neighborhood will make you want to throw your doors open wide and invite the neighbors in.”

K A R E N STIL L E R , author of The Minister’s Wife

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Joni Eareckson Tada, the founder of Joni and

joniandfriends.org

Friends, is an advocate for people with disabilities. She has delivered over 100,000 wheelchairs and Bibles to disabled people in developing nations. Her daily devotional, A Spectacle of Glory, contains fresh biblical insights from her battle with cancer and chronic pain. She and her husband, Ken, live in Calabasas, Calif.

% response@joniandfriends.org

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I do not mean the Gospel once preached to you when you first came to Christ, when you first believed. I mean the Gospel being preached to you now. Now is the time of change, now is the time of transformation. Now is the time to open your soul to the water of His Word and the warmth of His Son.

Oh, what I owe to the Lord for the way He has plowed my soul! Last year, I was deeply saddened to lose a close friend to cancer. Then there was a season of unusually difficult pain. Another time, I felt shame when a close friend chided me for hogging the spotlight; for not giving others credit. Those things hurt, but it is not a hurt without purpose. God knows my character is in constant need of improvement; He knows I need to change. I am glad to have Him furrow my soul.

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Perhaps this is a season when the Holy Spirit is passing over your soul and cutting a yawning channel. Maybe a deep disappointment, a rejection, or a lingering illness is bringing to the surface deep thoughts and attitudes. Your soul feels raw and bruised from God’s plow, but He is bringing it all to the light, so that you might take the seed of the gospel.

ever, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

When Lynda MacGibbon moved from a small town to a high-rise apartment in the city, she decided to take Jesus’ command to “love your neighbor” literally. In this charming memoir, MacGibbon tells the story of the community that took shape among the strangers who shared her apartment building and how the simple risk of reaching out with love can lead to beautiful friendships.

TRANSPARENT MOMENTS

Tempted to Quit

Anita Carman

o you have someone who will stand by you until the mission is finished, no matter the circumstances? If not, don’t be surprised if you’re tempted to quit.

A friend recently lost her husband and gave me perspective on how leaders feel when they lose safe people they can count on. She said, “When the Bible said the two will be one, that’s exactly what happens. When a spouse dies, you lose a part of yourself. You try to keep going with half your heart missing.” I found relevance in her comments because, in a way, your right-hand person in ministry is like a marriage. When you lose a co-laborer you depended on, you can feel alone and it’s often tempting to think your season is over. What can we learn from God’s Word about this? Jesus’ Co-Laborers Even Jesus had individuals He journeyed with in His mission. They were a critical part of His life. Peter, James, and John answered God’s call and left their businesses, and even their families, behind to travel around with Jesus. When looking for leaders, we need to find people who exhibit the same passion and commitment. If not, it can be hard to have colaborers who stick with the mission.

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However, there are seasons when even safe friends are distracted and not in sync with God’s timing. When Jesus was in Gethsemane and needed Peter, James, and John to pray with Him, they were distracted and ended up letting Him down. I can see Peter, James, and John explaining that they were tired and deserved some sleep. After all, weren’t they there for Jesus?

When Co-Laborers Fail The challenge for us is that there are times when God’s work can’t wait. The help is needed for today. When you find yourself in such a situation where the team is not there for you, then you can look at what Jesus did. Matthew 26:38-39 says: “Then he said to them, ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.’ Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.’”

Jesus was saddened that the one thing He asked His team to do they didn’t do. Clearly disappointed He asked them, “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour” (vs. 40)? But even though His teammates failed, Jesus didn’t hold a grudge. He forgave Peter, James, and John immediately without bitterness. When we’re let down by others, we need to do the same. People will always fail us at one time or another, including our team. During a time when Jesus felt very alone, He called out to His Father. Twice in the passage, we see the words “My Father.” When you feel displaced, when those around you aren’t supportive and you don’t know how life will fit or how you fit anywhere, it’s important you find your place of belonging in God Himself. Be Clear About Who You Serve When we settle in our spirit that our lives and mission belong to God, we will find our anchor in Him! When you feel alone in your journey and want to quit, it is critical that you are clear about what God’s mission for you is. He is the one who will keep you going. Jesus cried out, “Your will be done.” Knowing His will for you as you serve Him will help you through the tough times in ministry; it will help you endure for the long haul. It’s hard to have staying power when you don’t know why you are doing what you are doing. When you are weary and disappointed—reach out for help and ask God to provide ministry relationships with those who have staying power.

sychologist Kelly Flanagan shows how each of us can enjoy the deeply satisfying, transformational love of companionship. With selfknowledge and an understanding of our own loneliness and emotional defenses leading the way, we can make the choice to love more vulnerably.

Kelly Flanagan is a practicing clinical psychologist and a popular blogger and speaker. The author of The Marriage Manifesto and Loveable, he has appeared on the TODAY Show and has written for publications such as Reader’s Digest and Huffington Post. “I know this book will touch many lives. Kelly Flanagan has harvested the rich rewards of true companionship from the everyday struggles of doing real life together—a gift to every couple and every kind of companion everywhere.”

Anita Carman is the founder and president of

Inspire Women, an organization that inspires women across ethnicities, denominations, and economic levels to discover God's purpose. It also funds biblical resources and scholarships to train women for missions and ministry. She has an MBA and a degree from Dallas Theological Seminary. Anita has authored several books and lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband. She has two grown sons.

inspirewomen.org

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Bob Goff, author of Love Does and Dream Big

August!

YOU ARE GOD’S

THE ABILITY TO FLOURISH IS A PREREQUISITE FOR LIVING A VIBRANT LIFE. by Carol McLeod

FTEN, DURING THE MONTH OF AUGUST, I SPEND A FEW WEEKS WITH A FRIEND. SHE LOVES A FAMILY GARDEN AS MUCH AS I DO. EVERY AFTERNOON, WE WANDER OUT TO HER ENORMOUS GARDEN AND DELIGHTFULLY CHOOSE WHAT TO EAT FOR DINNER. WHILE SPENDING TIME WITH HER, I BECAME AN EXPERT AT CUTTING LETTUCE, GENTLY SQUEEZING RIPE TOMATOES, AND EYEING THE COLOR AND SIZE OF CUCUMBERS. I EVEN DISCOVERED HOW TO FIND A PEPPER OR TWO UNDERNEATH THE VERDANT GROWTH OF HER GARDEN. However, the greatest pleasure of my two-week garden experience happened when we placed the ripe vegetables and fruit of her garden into baskets and then gave the produce to others. What a treasure it is to share from the bounty of one’s garden and spread the riches of the earth with others! Certainly the best part of my annual visit with her is the day that we set aside to preserve the yearly abundance. Under her tutelage, I became a veritable virtuoso at canning tomatoes and making a smashing dill pickle relish. But the highlight of the long day for me was the moment when we canned peaches fresh from the trees. We knew that the labor of our love was not only going to feed our families for the winter, but would also be welcome gifts for our friends. Oh, how I love the array of colors that are visible through the formerly empty jars. There is nothing quite like the delight that results from an August agricultural endeavor. August is God’s show and tell of His unmatched creativity and strategic forethought of provision for His children. August is the moment of the year when all of creation shouts a resounding cheer to the One who created the very first garden in history.

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Let’s pause among the pages of the Bible to read the thoughts of the Holy Spirit concerning this perfectly wonderful word.

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Isn’t flourish a perfectly wonderful word? Let’s linger on it for a bit and unpack the joy and hope of this lovely word. The ability to flourish is a prerequisite to living a vibrant life.

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A Perfectly Wonderful Word As I remember those sweet days of walking the rows of my friend’s garden and as I never ceased to be amazed at the plentitude thereof, the word flourish seems to fill the sense of my heart.

The righteous man will flourish like the palm tree, he will grow like a cedar in Lebanon. Planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still yield fruit in old age; they shall be full of sap and very green, to declare that the LORD is upright; He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him (Ps. 92:12–15, emphasis mine). Isn’t this wonderful news? You are God’s August! You were created to flourish in the same manner that gardens are able to do so at the peak of their performance. God made you to flourish and to inexhaustibly thrive. He did not create you with the purpose of dying on the vine of life. He spiritually designed you for emotional and spiritual abundance in every season of your life. The plan of the Master Gardener was that you would never be shriveled up emotionally, or trampled upon by anger, depression, or worry. God’s intent was that you would not live a brittle life. Instead, you, as His vibrant creation, would live a life that flourishes. Many definitions of the word flourish can be found, but the one that most deeply resonates within this spiritual gardener’s heart is this particular one: “To receive life from outside yourself, creating vitality within yourself and producing blessing beyond yourself!” When you receive life from the Father, it will create a vitality on the inside of you that is contagious and fruitful! Who wouldn’t want that?! But the purpose of the extraordinary growth inside of you is not just for you because it is intended to bless other people in your world. His life helps you to flourish and then share your life with others. In the ancient Hebrew, flourish always refers to something or someone that is growing beyond an average expectation of growth. It was meant to describe a person or a plant that was growing and producing fruit in an extraordinary fashion. Flourish in the Hebrew paints a word picture of a plant that is destined to grow abundantly regardless of the climate or drought.

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The psalmist declares, “The righteous man will flourish like the palm tree.” If the Bible uses the word righteous to describe a person, it means that this person has willfully chosen to connect themself to God. It does not imply that the person is perfect, but it does mean that they have chosen to put on God’s imputed righteousness.

You will flourish, then, in direct proportion to your connection with God. If you choose to bask in His presence on a daily basis and spend time in the Word and in prayer, your life will be a grand display of the growth that comes from your connection to His righteousness.

Delicious Fruit If you long to be God’s August and if your desire is to flourish and thereby produce delicious fruit for others, you must ask yourself a vital question: “To whom or to what are you choosing to be connected?” Many Christians are more connected to the pain of their past than they are to the reality of His presence on a daily basis. If you hope to flourish emotionally, it matters very much whether or not you read your Bible every day. If you hope to be a vibrant display of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, it matters very much whether or not you worship in spite of disappointment or pain. If you long to share the abundance of your Christian walk with others, it matters very much whether or not you pray for those who have been unkind to you.

YOU WILL FLOURISH, THEN, IN DIRECT PROPORTION TO YOUR CONNECTION WITH GOD.

You will begin to grow by leaps and bounds both spiritually and emotionally when you daily receive life from the Father. The fruit of the Spirit will miraculously make you into someone who has the temperament and personality of God. When you choose to be in vital connection with Jesus on a daily basis, the life that you will receive will grow you into the person who God had in mind the day that He created you. You must work in tandem with God in the garden of your heart. Your emotional responses to the climate around you must reflect the truth that you are in deep and rich connection with Him. The Father gives to you what you could never instigate in your own strength. You can’t do it without Him and He won’t do it without you!

As Liuan Huska went through years of chronic pain, she wondered why God seemed absent and questioned how the Christian faith speaks to our experiences of pain and illness. Can we still be whole when our bodies suffer? Speaking from her own experience, Huska helps us redefine what it means to find healing and wholeness, even in the midst of ongoing pain.

“This book is not just a hopeful and honest guide for people suffering from physical ailments. It is also a companion into the pain of a fragmented and disconnected world that longs to be made whole.”

—AM Y J UL IA B EC K E R , author of White Picket Fences

You are God’s August! It is a magnificent time for you to produce such a unique abundance in your life that the world stops and takes note—and don’t be surprised if it takes a bite or two of the August that is you.

Carol McLeod is a popular speaker at women’s

conferences and retreats. A prolific writer and host of two podcasts, she has authored a dozen books, several devotionals, a weekly column, and a weekly blog, Joy for the Journey. She and her husband Craig make their home in Oklahoma. Visit her website at: carolmcleodministries.com. Excerpted from Vibrant: Developing a Deep and Abiding Joy for All Seasons by Carol McLeod, © 2020 by Carol Burton McLeod. Published by Whitaker House, New Kensington, PA. Used with permission. All rights reserved. whitakerhouse.com.

LIUAN HUSKA is a writer and speaker focusing

on topics of embodiment and spirituality. Her writing has appeared in Christianity Today, the Christian Century, In Touch Magazine, Hyphen, and Church Health Reader.

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I know in my own life, certain triggers can create a perfect storm in which I can quickly lose sight of God, drift from the anchor that He is in my life, and have an emotional meltdown. I find myself exploding at my husband or children for a seemingly innocuous misdemeanor that catches both them and me off guard and causes hurt, confusion, and disconnection. The disproportionate nature of my response is a symptom of a much deeper unrest, prompted by several triggers coming together all at once. The question is: Would it have been possible to avoid the storm, preemptively identify the causes—the triggers—and diminish their destructive power?

ANCHORED THROUGH EVERY STORM

Physical Triggers Before I trained as a life coach, I worked as a physical therapist for many years. I would treat patients who sustained a sudden injury that seemed to come out of nowhere.

hat an unparalleled year 2020 turned out to be. This time last year, none of us had any inkling of what was coming our way as COVID-19 took over our lives. And yet, looking back to the spring 2020 edition of Just Between Us, what leaps out at me is the resolution of Chuck Swindoll’s quote on the “Soul Refreshment” page: “Let’s make one resolution this year: to anchor ourselves to God’s grace.” How pertinent did that turn out to be? It is by grace and grace alone that we have come through storms of many kinds—personal, family, national, and international—throughout this past year.

Learn how to identify triggers before personal storms hit.

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The perfect storm is the fodder of many a disaster movie: a series of events all coming together at the same time to produce catastrophic results. At the time, it can be hard to see the connections. It is often only in the aftermath that we can look back and see how all the different triggers worked together to cause such devastation. Triggers are like red flags along the pathway, yelling at us to stop, pay attention, and act now to avert disaster.

Exhaustion Triggers Tiredness and insufficient margins of time and energy mean there is no wiggle room when unexpected demands sneak up on us. Chronic energy drainers may look like an over-stuffed inbox, piles of clutter, too much electronic noise or social media use, certain relationships, or an unexpected pandemic. Energy givers may be life-giving relationships, time with God, or restorative activities that feed our souls. We keep suppressing and ignoring unmet or unidentified needs, at our peril, as such needs will not go away but remain to erupt out of us as the storm brews. Emotional Triggers This last one is a big struggle of mine. By nature, I am a stuffer. Just deal with it, get on with the next thing, pay no heed to the rising tide of anxiety, fear, stress, or irritation that is threatening to swamp me. If I ignore what my emotions are clearly telling me, a storm starts to build. Add in any of those other triggers listed, plus any negative self-belief, and the elements are all there for a perfect storm: I explode at the smallest thing. The fallout can be terrible, and causes me to lose my anchor to God in all the emotional upheaval.

Listening to the Holy Spirit. He is our essential guide here, as we learn to listen to His prompts. Ask: God, what are You showing me about myself in this situation? About You? Where am I being tempted, distracted, drawn away from You? Where am I seeking to meet my own needs rather than surrendering to Your love, grace, and purposes? As we identify what we need, we can then take action to address it. Often this can mean small, simple steps like talking with a trusted friend, taking a little time off, dealing with things that have been draining our energy, or saying no to extra commitments to create a little wiggle room.

…No matter how far we fear we have drifted from God or how quickly we have lost hold of His anchor in our lives, His love for us is so great and His compassions are new every morning. We can learn much by looking back with God at events leading up to a storm and asking Him to show us how He is growing and shaping our character. The more we do this, the more we spot patterns and themes that help us identify triggers. We cannot always stop or prevent the storm. But we can learn to notice our own triggers and with God’s help, act to minimize fallout of our own making, and ensure that we remain anchored to Him.

Catriona Futter is a Christian life

coach, author, and speaker, runs her own business Equip for Life Coaching, offering individual coaching, team coaching, and speaking. She lives in Glasgow, Scotland, with her husband and one teenage daughter at home and one at university. Read more of her writing on her blog at http://equipforlifecoaching.com/blog/.

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Identify Triggers of the Perfect Storm This is not simply about surviving the storm, but also learning to identify storm triggers before they become too overwhelming and cause us to lose our anchor.

With our physical bodies, it is possible to identify each of these triggers in advance and proactively address them with exercise, rest, and improved posture. The physical realm has much to tell us about the realm of our emotional and spiritual well-being.

What Might This Look Like in Your Own Life? Self-Reflection. It starts by taking time regularly to ask ourselves questions like these: What am I feeling, and what do those feelings indicate? What do I need? If I ignore my needs and continue down this path, what will happen? This is about identifying what is most important and what proactive steps we can take, with God’s help, to keep ourselves anchored in Him.

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by Catriona Futter

When storms come, what keeps you anchored to God? Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a storm that seems to have come out of nowhere with a reaction that caught you off guard?

But, dissect their stories a little, dig backwards into the preceding sequence of events, and often there were clear indicators. Triggers set off a chain of events that led to injury and incapacitation. It was often possible to identify those triggers—postural problems, chronic weariness, and over busyness, muscle weakness or imbalance, and a sudden demand on the body all coming together inevitably leads to system failure like pain and incapacity.

But God is faithful, kind, and merciful. As that same spring edition of JBU also reminded us, no matter how far we fear we have drifted from God or how quickly we have lost hold of His anchor in our lives, His love for us is so great and His compassions are new every morning (Lam. 3:21). By the gift of His Spirit, we can learn to identify the triggers in our own lives in advance by regularly reflecting on how we are feeling and doing. This self-reflection gives God by His Spirit the opportunity to prompt us to stop, notice our behavioral patterns and needs, and bring them to Him.

faith CHATS

A Song in Her Heart Singer-songwriter Kristyn Getty is making beautiful music to make your soul sing. Interview by Shelly Esser with Constance B. Fink

he moment Kristyn Getty steps onto the stage and sings the first note—whether it be before thousands in places like Carnegie Hall in New York City, or the Royal Albert Hall in London,

England, or on the stage of her home before the audience of four little girls at bedtime—you feel like you have just

Photography: Kristin Barlowe

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power of the lyrics creates space for God’s truth and love to linger long after the concerts are over.

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soul. The combination of Kristyn’s angelic voice and the

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been transported to heaven. Something happens in your

Kristyn, who grew up near Belfast, Northern Ireland, can’t remember a time when she wasn’t singing. She tagged along with her mother, who led children’s ministry, leading songs for kids, and singing in her father’s church (he is a pastor). Little did she know then the significance of those early days with children in God’s bigger plan for her singing. Long before she ever dreamt of having kids of her own, she had a burden for teaching children how and why to sing, all to build a strong faith foundation in their hearts. When Kristyn was 18, an introduction to songwriter Keith Getty by her uncle changed the course of her life. He, too, grew up in a home filled with music. At the time, he was working on a project for the African Children’s Choir. He asked Kristyn if she would like to write songs. “I told him I had never written any songs before,” she remembers. Kristyn decided to say yes and has been writing and singing songs now for nearly two decades, making music come alive in a way that settles truth deep into the foundation of people’s hearts—just like it has hers from the time she was a child. Kristyn gave Keith another “yes” when they married years later. He shared how writing songs with her became a way for him to “get a first date”! And together they have been writing songs ever since. They are known around the world as award-winning “modern-day hymn writers” for this generation. In Christ Alone, co-written by her husband, is one of the most well-known hymns of our day. Kristyn has sung it all over the world. To date, they have written an ever-growing catalogue of hymns through Getty Music, what they call “singable theology.” Taking a risk at writing all those years ago, brought Kristyn full circle to what’s really planted on her heart: writing and singing songs for children, including her girls. Kristyn is mom to four girls ages 2-9: Eliza, Charlotte, Grace, and Tahlia. They make their home between Northern Ireland and Nashville, Tennessee.

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Kristyn: As a child, I heard a family friend singing in a Sunday evening service. I remember thinking how amazing it would be to sing for people like that. Like many little girls, I loved the idea of dress-up and I used to dip into a massive jar of bead necklaces my mom had. Picking a few to wear, I would grab her hairbrush as a microphone and start singing. But even in all the sparkle that being a singer had, and with the blessing of growing up in the church, I was always drawn to singing to and about the Lord. That’s where I began singing and it’s where I feel most at home.

JBU: What is it like to work alongside and write songs with your husband? Kristyn: I’ve never known anything different. The first day we met we wrote a song together. I’ve always understood songwriting as a collaborative effort. But, even after 20 years of writing together with 16 of those married, we still don’t always agree on certain lyrics and melodies. The creative process often needs a little tension and difference of opinion to blossom the art more fully.

JBU: How has being a mom changed you?

Kristyn: It has given me deeper insights into the heart of God and His lovingkindness to me. It’s also made me much more aware of the sin in my heart! Becoming a mom was a bit of a shock—deeper worry, impatience, and selfishness (to name a few) turned out to be sleeping giants that becoming a mom woke up in me! Along with the joy and fun, I have had to do battle too. I am always learning that the best way to encourage my children in the ways of the Lord is to walk in them myself.

JBU: What have you learned about your faith since becoming a mom?

Kristyn: It seems the whole Christian journey is one of relearning the same core things in ever-deepening ways. The time I felt that most acutely was 10 years ago when I was expecting our first child. I was so sick, scared, and lonely as we had just moved to Nashville and had not established a new church family yet. Then when Eliza was born, I was overwhelmed with both joy and anxiety. It was a time of testing and vulnerability when I leaned on my husband, family, and close friends.

The Getty Family (Back L: Keith; Back R: Kristyn; Front L to R: Eliza, Charlotte, Grace, and Tahlia.)

I had had 30 years of consistent sleep, rest, and space to think and enjoy extensive personal study and fellowship with God and other believers. Then, suddenly, I was so tired, struggling to do simple tasks beyond the care of my baby. I needed the spiritual spoon-feeding just like my baby needed physical spoon-feeding. In many ways, I felt like I was a baby Christian all over again. I was grateful for the decades of a solid spiritual foundation built into my life by faithful parents and Christians.

JBU: How did you start singing at home?

Kristyn: We picked a few hymns we wanted our girls to know and we started by taking one a month at bedtime, singing together bit by bit. Sometimes Keith plays the guitar for us. Most often we just sing without any accompaniment. Throughout the month they become more confident with the melody and according to their age, they grasp more and more of the lyrics.

When we sing at home, we’re preparing them to sing with the whole congregation, across the generations, all of us singing together.

JBU: Why do you believe congregational singing begins in the home?

Kristyn: God has put us in families and spaces of personal support to learn the faith together, to learn the words that describe it, and grow in confidence as more than one share the same things. At the start of this new school year, I was reviewing the alphabet with one of my daughters. She had to fill in the blanks on a worksheet that had missing letters. The only way she could do it was to sing the alphabet song! Singing helped her remember. In the same way, I want her to know the ABC’s of the faith and hear her voice join with others, so we sing with our kids.

“…I was always drawn to singing to and about the Lord.”

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Kristyn’s latest endeavor, Evensong (September 2020), a collection of bedtime hymns and lullabies for her girls, and all kids, is a dream project for her. She couldn’t be more excited about the album and its potential impact on families.

JBU: How did music become such a big part of your life?

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For Kristyn and Keith, music is a family affair. They desire to teach their girls and other kids and families how to sing. They sing at the dinner table, at bedtime, in the car, and everywhere in between, all to pass along the hymns and theology of the church so that they might grow up knowing the deep spiritual truths that will anchor their lives forever.

Just Between Us had the privilege of chatting with Kristyn to capture her heart behind her powerful music and how God uses singing in our lives.

Kristyn: The first song we wrote together was a song for children, so it’s always been part of our work. Keith and I became Christians as little children, and our musical abilities and spiritual formation were nurtured in our early years in the church. In recent years, we have felt a greater urgency to consider what children sing as we parent our own. We teach truths through music that will give them a solid foundation. What a gift that is when you desire them to hear and hide God’s Word in their hearts so they can carry it through life and share it with others.

JBU: Why did you write the Getty Kids Hymnal?

Kristyn: At a certain point we realized that our girls didn’t know our songs and we needed to find creative ways for them to learn the old and new hymns. Rather than just listening to my voice, it was a great benefit for them to hear other kids singing. Singing is for every age and singing in the home grows the appetite for the song feast we share when the church gathers.

JBU: You’ve described your latest release, Evensong, as your dream project. Tell us about that.

Kristyn: I thought this would be a great way to celebrate my 40th birthday last year! The traditional Christian practice of evensong, closing the day in prayer and singing, has appealed to people through the generations by refreshing the soul and informing the mind. During these uncertain times, the need for restful contemplation and focusing on God’s Word is more important than ever. I need true words spoken into my heart and mind to help declutter all that presses in upon me from day to day. It’s my hope that these songs will help families dwell on the Lord and His promises, to release their burdened minds, and calm their restless hearts, pointing them to real peace in Jesus.

JBU: In what ways are you passing on your faith to your girls?

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Kristyn: Singing it, being intentional in talking about it, seeking to live it, and bringing them into spaces with others who are doing the same. Also, encouraging them in a zest for life and creativity and imagination, things that make goodness and truth attractive to them.

JBU: Why is singing so important for our souls?

Kristyn: God has created us to sing. It is part of our design. When we sing, it goes both deeply into how we see, understand, and experience the world and widely as we carry songs with us through life. It gives us words for our praise, our prayers, and our witness. When those words are biblically rich and beautiful, our souls are well-fed.

JBU: How has music drawn you closer to God?

Kristyn: It has warmed up my heart when I felt cold. It has given me words when I wanted to thank the Lord. It has reminded me of things I can’t forget. It has changed my attitude when it really needed changing!

JBU: What is God teaching you especially during these COVID-19 days?

Kristyn: My “Martha-like” bag of tasks has increased while the simplicity of the “Mary-like” response to the Lord has become plainer to me: “What is actually needed here?” (Luke 10). I’ve often asked myself, “What is the ‘better’ to prioritize?” I’m ashamed to say I’ve rushed into many days without praying first or fretted over things that should have been reasoned through with the bigger, brighter eyes of trust in the Lord. Like many others in this pandemic, I’ve honestly reflected on how vulnerable we are not only physically, but spiritually as well. We need to have deep roots in God’s Word, or the worries of this life will squeeze and twist and turn us.

JBU: How do you get a song in your heart again when you’ve lost it?

Kristyn: This happens to me when I start to run on empty, either physically with lack of sleep, or spiritually when my personal devotional life becomes too thin. Then I know it’s time to “refill the well.” What are the things that can fill us up? A restful retreat, significant time with older and wiser believers, or even just trying to find eight hours of sleep in a row! I think the years with little children can be a very vulnerable time.

JBU: What if you don’t have anything to sing about; how does worship help us in our pain?

Kristyn: Hearing other people singing around me in church has always comforted me, because it reminds me of our togetherness when I feel weak. Singing to the Lord through my struggles has helped grow my courage. My hero is Joni Eareckson Tada. She has proven the power of singing through 50 years of suffering with her quadriplegia. Hymns she learned as a child have sustained her through unbelievable suffering.

“God has created us to sing. It is part of our design.”

This is one of the key reasons the songs we sing together need to be deep enough, to speak to all of life’s journey in every need. Over a third of the Psalms are laments: they express the rawness of human suffering and teach us how to bring our waves of emotions to the Lord. I can remember times when painful emotions have been too strong to physically sing. This is one of the beautiful parts of congregational singing. When one of us can’t sing, the rest of us can sing around and for them. We sing to the Lord, but I also sing to you and you sing to me.

JBU: How do you keep your relationship with Christ fresh?

NEW FROM PAM FARREL & PEGGY SUE WELLS

Kristyn: Even with all the sudden changes of this past year as a result of the pandemic, the key parts of what it means to be a believer stay the same. Our lives are to stay in His Word, in prayer, in songs of worship, in Christian community, and in seeking first the kingdom in love and loyalty to the King. The main things remain. A steady devotional life is always something I work on maintaining to stay fresh and I have often found that hard! Without it I start to lose my way and my courage. But at every and any moment, we can turn to Him. It’s always a good day to start good habits again.

JBU: How do we keep a song in our heart?

Kristyn: We keep singing about all the Lord has done for us, the One who will always keep us. Psalm 118:14 says, “The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation” (ESV, emphasis added).

Getty Music

To find out more about Kristyn and Keith Getty’s ministry, visit their website at gettymusic.com. You will find more information about Kristyn’s latest project, Evensong, along with their kids and family hymnals, songbooks, albums, conference details, free music downloads, and upcoming tour schedules. The book they co-authored, Sing: How Worship Transforms Your Life, Family, and Church is also available.

Shelly Esser has been the editor of

Just Between Us for 30 years. Additionally, she has been involved with leading and nurturing women in Christ since college. She and her husband have four adult daughters and two sons-in-law and live in Menomonee Falls, Wis.

Constance B. Fink, a long-standing

contributor to Just Between Us, was raised as a pastors’ kid and has a degree in psychology. She and her husband, Dave, have been involved in both full-time and lay ministries. Currently she lives in Northwest, IL.

www.Love-Wise.com

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JBU: Tell us about your heart for writing music for kids.

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Speak Kindly and Be Courteous to One Another Make 2021 a year of praise and less criticism. Commit to looking at what is positive, and stop focusing on

by Susan A. Vernick

negative traits. Philippians 2:14 encourages us to, “Do everything without grumbling or arguing.” Focusing on positives can help prevent a critical and argumentative spirit. Offer compliments and praise when your spouse goes the extra mile or when he’s doing everyday responsibilities. Make a list of his strengths and weaknesses. You may want to add to the list of his positive traits each day for a week. When the week is over, make a date to share the list of the qualities you observed over coffee or dinner. You’ll be surprised at how your encouragement and thoughtfulness will warm his heart and draw him closer to you. Listen Intently to Each Other Carve out specific times to listen to each other, even if it’s a brief 15 to 20 minutes. Share topics that are meaningful to you both. Enjoy the time you spend together, not just talking, but listening to each other, too. Remember, “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues” (Prov. 10:19).

Clean Up After Yourselves The basic rules we all learned in kindergarten apply beautifully to our marriages. Picking up after yourself, being tidy, and sharing your things are some examples of this. If you’re a neat freak, consider easing up from time to time. Take care of those areas that are especially important to your spouse—treat them with your very best manners. Remember the toilet seat (please put it down), the toilet paper (please put it on the holder), and always share the last piece of chocolate cake. Remember Special Days Don’t forget important days like anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, birthdays, and other special days. Being a good listener throughout the year can help you know how to best celebrate the occasion either with a note, a gift, or an activity. Plan well in advance and make reservations, if necessary. Try to look at even the smallest gifts or gestures as an act of love. Write thank-you notes for the gifts you receive from your husband. Love More The classic love verses are jam-packed with insight. Read them slowly and meditate on their meaning. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13: 4-8). Pick one attribute, and ask God to help you show this quality of love to your husband; rely on the Holy Spirit to guide you. God offers these attributes not as a pick-andchoose list though. Each quality should be growing or evident in our marriages regularly. Pray for Your Marriage Praying for your marriage may seem simple, yet its power shouldn’t be underestimated. A prayer of blessing and protection over your marriage each day can have a significant impact. Nothing we pray falls on deaf ears, regardless of how and when God decides to answer us. Prayer works! “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us” (1 John 5:14). We can have

Argue Respectfully and Forgive Each Other Daily Every marriage has, at times, tension, arguing, and seasons when we feel like we’re in the valley. The goal is to keep this to a minimum and to handle arguments in a healthy way. Many experts suggest following this rule: argue without name calling, accusing, belittling, or condemning a differing opinion. Following these “arguing rules” will make for a well-mannered marriage. Forgiving each other is a necessity. Be willing to say you’re sorry and ask for forgiveness as soon as possible. Be willing to forgive your spouse as well. You may need to do this more regularly than you think to keep grudges from building up. “‘In your anger do not sin;’ Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Eph. 4:26). Beware of vengefulness as well. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 says, “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.” Unforgiveness and resentment are the most unwelcome houseguests in our marriages with the absolute worst of manners. Let forgiveness and grace live in your home. Keep Realistic Expectations Don’t fall into the mindset that your marriage should resemble a Hallmark movie. Thinking every moment is a “take your breath away” moment just isn’t realistic. Keep the romance alive by studying your husband’s love language. What shows love to him? Talk openly and honestly when the timing is right about what communicates love to him. Discuss expectations in all aspects of your relationship. Disappointment is usually the result of unfulfilled expectations. Keeping the expectations realistic will result in more harmony in your home. Enjoy the wonderful roller coaster of married life through the newlywed phase to the golden years and everything in between. May marriage manners and etiquette help wedding bells always ring fresh in your heart. But, “Above all, love each other deeply” (1 Pet. 4:8a), and hold tight to C.S. Lewis’ insight on love: “When I have learned to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.”

Susan A. Vernick is a newspaper columnist, national blogger, and published freelance writer. She is also the author of two children’s books, The Gift Box and Danny’s Special Collection, and founder and owner of Etiquette Chics, that can be found on all social media platforms and their website etiquettechics.net. Susan and her husband have four children and live in North Chili, NY.

spring 2021

After some research and prayer, here are some of the best etiquette tips I’ve discovered for long-lasting love and a well-mannered marriage. More importantly, I’ve included some practical, biblically-inspired tips that we (husbands and wives alike) can easily apply to help grow a happy marriage.

Try a listening technique, such as, the “3, 3, 3 Technique”—try listening for three minutes, recalling three details, and asking three related questions. This is a good training method to improve listening and communication skills.

confidence and trust that God is with us and hears our prayers as we journey along in our marriage.

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hen COVID-19 hit—and I suddenly had a full house of online learners and my husband working from home—I realized my marriage manners needed a little fine-tuning. Marriage, along with life, is a process of learning and growing with challenges along the way. When we invite God along our faith will be stretched, but it is well worth the journey. As the founder and owner of an etiquette consulting business, I may be an expert on manners, but marriage manners are a bit trickier than table manners. So, what does a well-mannered marriage look like?

NEE E S U SPO

Most important to this process is active listening—don’t allow your mind to wander as your spouse talks and shares. Share feedback and dig into topics by bouncing ideas back and forth. Take the time, and make it a priority. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (Jas. 1:19). Remember, body language and tone of voice can speak volumes.

The rest of our day together we had more hugs and leaned into each other a little more easily; they were kinder to one another and more content in each other’s company, and in mine. I saw how important it was to our relationship that each one feel their belovedness to me and how the time and attention made them feel favored, precious, and treasured in their own unique way. They relaxed and listened, which led to peace and obedience. Our day was delightful.

God’s Love is Overflowing

I have not stopped thinking about how God wants to give us this same kind of time and attention.

LEANING INTO THE

Limitless

LOVE OF GOD

It exceeds all expectations. by Elizabeth Murphy

He wants us to feel His lavish love, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1). Another word for lavish is limitless. It’s the kind of love God has for us; it literally overflows. Every time I send the girls home, I tell them I love them so much that my cup overflows. After I had said it many times, they looked at me with concern and said, “What does that mean?” They were learning to get their own drinks at the time, so they pictured water spilling on the counter—and that means trouble! I could see them visibly relax when I told them my heart is so full of love for them it just can’t hold it—it overflows, and it’s not about the cup (them) it’s about the one doing the pouring (me). When our relationship with God has been restored through the cross of Christ we become the recipients of a kind of love that goes beyond our wildest imaginings—a love that overflows. And He loves us no matter what! Everything changes when we learn to live in light of this great truth and grasp the uniqueness of God’s love for us. One unknown author said it this way: “Put together the tenderest love you know of, the deepest you have ever felt, and the strongest that has ever been poured out upon you, and heap upon it all the human beings in the world, and then multiply it by infinity, and you will begin, perhaps, to have some faint glimpse of what the love of God is.”

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When we were with them recently, I could tell they were on each other’s nerves so we flipped a coin to see who would be first to do something alone with

me. One chose my lap and undivided attention, while she carefully shared the meaning behind each odd item in her treasure box. The other chose a walk. As we started around the block, I asked her the first question she learned to ask when she was small, “What’s your favorite color?” which led to a whole list of “favorites” questions about food, stuffed animals, things to do outside, and so on. I watched her blossom under my attention and, once we got home, she insisted I take her sister on a “favorites walk” too.

Love is an act of the will, a choice, and God has chosen to love us. He is patient in His love for us, which is why it is long. We look upon love like an account that can run out based on our behavior or feelings, but that will never happen with God because His love has no end. The high love of God lifts us up to who we can be. It is an expectant love that says I am going to see you how you are now, but love you for who you will be. It is a love filled to overflowing, with hope (Rom. 15:13). God’s love is deep because He disregarded the cost to Himself to restore us. No matter how low we go, Jesus has always gone lower because He took all of our sins to the cross and removed them as far as the East is from the West (Ps. 103:12). Because of the demonstration of such love, we can always be confident in His company.

You Are His Beloved

This is the God who wants us to blossom under His time and attention. I picture God saying to me, “You are my favorite child, the one and only unique Elizabeth, and I love you with all my heart.” As I hold fast to this truth that is such a treasured gift from God to me, I become more aware of God and experience the feeling of my belovedness to Him, and something changes. I recall words of Scripture, noticing both the beauty of creation and the tender touch of conviction, and I am reminded that He longs for me to cling to Him and remember “all his benefits,” and all He has done out of His lavish, overflowing love for me. This gives me the desire to take a “daily favorites walk” with God. When we approach God sure of His love for us, we tilt our spirits in His direction and following becomes easier. My granddaughter went from walking with her head down to skipping as she experienced my love for her. God wants to see my posture change in the same way. I doubt I’ll skip, but I will reach for His hand with the same expectation she had, knowing He will reach back as I did, with His great lavish, limitless love!

Elizabeth Murphy has been a

sought-after speaker for the last 30 years. She serves alongside her husband on several non-profit boards and is an author and regular contributor to JBU. She and her husband, Mike, have four sons, one daughter-in-law, and three granddaughters. They live in Brookfield, Wis. Visit her site at elizabethmurphyspeaks.com.

spring 2021

have five-year-old twin granddaughters who have been in each other’s constant company since the moment of their conception. The current pandemic has sort of recreated that environment for them as they try to stay safe at home. They can’t get away from each other!

God’s love is tender, which means He is soft-hearted toward us. He has known us since before we were even born and knows all the people and experiences that make us who we are. He sees us in ways we can’t even comprehend, because He can look on us with a compassion like no other. We bring our meager, sinful selves to Him and He still showers us with His tender-hearted mercy. He understands our troubled hearts and feelings of unworthiness, reminding us in those moments that we have His worthiness. When life doesn’t make sense, and we’re left confused because our circumstances don’t line up with God’s character, He still loves us anyway. When we are at our lowest, He extends His higher love even more and grants us grace.

When we lean into the love of God, it leads to the kind of settled state I saw in my granddaughters. They were confident in my company, which is what God desires for us. The Bible talks about God’s love as “wide and long and high and deep” (Eph. 3:17-18). Our own love is so limited and stunted—it stays close to home, but God’s love does not. It is wide because it knows no limits and just when we think there is one, He extends it even further.

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God’s Love is Tender

God’s Love Has No Limits

“…my new direction is exactly where God has called me to be.”

It got really scary like on the rare occasion when I wouldn’t recognize someone for a brief moment— someone I should know well, like my husband. Then came what appeared to be stroke-like episodes with a droopy face, coordination deficits, and slurred speech. It was terrifying.

LIFE WAS A

Highway

…until I was forced to take a detour. by Kelley Wotherspoon

wo years ago, my life was a complete 180 degrees from where it is today. I was flying high, literally traveling all over the country in my dream job, seven months pregnant with my third child, and feeling like I finally landed on my feet. Life was good.

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During my maternity leave, I started noticing what began as small lapses in memory and word recall along with terrible bouts of vertigo. I chalked this up to

Except it didn’t. Facing the Unknown My vertigo was holding strong. I was falling down and running into walls like it was my full-time job. I started seeing sparkles and spots and developed neuropathy throughout my left side. My memory grew worse—I was making myself little hidden notes to cover daily details; I was having trouble remembering words, sometimes saying words I didn’t mean to say.

I started waking up every morning with partial left-sided paralysis. This new symptom caused me trouble falling asleep at night due to the thought of how horrible the morning would be. It was a vicious cycle. I was feeling hopeless. Then, by God’s divine grace, I found a neurologist whose humble nature compelled him to refer me to a specialist group. I am still thanking the Lord for him, as this referral saved my quality of life along with what was left of my sanity. The doctors at the new clinic recommended that I be hospitalized to conduct some additional testing and try out various medications. The approximate time frame was seven to ten days, and I would be over three hours away from my family. I would also be admitted on my son’s fourth birthday. (Talk about a punch to any mother’s gut!) My heart sank, but it had to be done. I could not live like this anymore.

The New Normal Today’s version of myself is very different from the buttoned-up professional I was before. Our home resembles a chaotic circus. In the midst of this “new normal,” however, there is an ironic peace to the pace and a sweetness to the time spent with my favorite people. There is also an ability to make my health a top focus. I am no longer living the thrill of jetting across the country for my career. I’ve grieved that loss with many tears—the ugly kind that come with heavy breaths and loud sobs. I had worked my whole professional life to achieve that level of “success,” but my new direction is exactly where God has called me to be. My priorities are around my faith and under my roof. Christ has ultimately purposed each of us to a life of balance, not busyness. We can’t have both; our bodies will not let us. This hard stop was God’s way of sparing me from a health crisis that could have been far worse. Instead, He whispered, “Be still,” and “still” is what I am striving to become. There is a long stretch of rough terrain ahead, but I know how far I have walked already. I trust that my heavenly Father will continue to see me through. I am thankful that the Lord’s mercy extends beyond our own distorted desires in life and for second chances to strengthen our fortitude in Him. This prodigal daughter is running toward His open arms, grateful for His unconditional love and grace!

Kelley Wotherspoon is a Business

Development Account Executive turned professional writer. Read her blog HINDSIGHT’S 30/40 at WotherspoonBooks. com. Check out her children’s book, When I Was a Baby, and her new book, The Energy Account Principle. Kelley and her husband have three children and live in Crown Point, Ind.

spring 2021

In July 2018, my bouncing baby Gwyn came into this world like the firecracker she is. Ten days later, I was struck down with postpartum preeclampsia. It took 72 miserable hours of hospitalization to get my blood pressure regulated. During those three days, I experienced some left-sided facial numbness. A neurologist was called in and concluded that it was likely due to one of the many vitamin deficiencies I was experiencing after delivery. I felt uneasy, but it made sense.

Ten weeks after Gwyn was born, I stepped right back on a plane and right back into my full pace of life. My memory issues were worsening, and I felt off. Again, I thought this must be due to an obvious adjustment period, and I assumed it would gradually get better with time.

Learning to Lean on God At a certain point, however, silence was no longer an option. I was declining. There were no answers in sight, and we needed the power of prayer. Our friends and family were incredibly generous. They prayed for us, brought us meals, drove me to appointments, and watched our kids. We were immensely thankful, but I was still so lost in my world of “what ifs” and “what nows.” I didn’t have any sort of solid diagnosis to explain my symptoms, and I was getting worse in spite of everyone’s best efforts.

I had the probability of mild brain damage (which finally explained why every specialist I had seen had asked me if I had hit my head). I had neuropathy issues and a trifecta of likely lifelong conditions: Chronic Visual Vertigo, Hemiplegic Migraines, and Episodic Dystonia. I also had answers and the hope that each of these conditions should be manageable. Now there was a lit path instead of the agony of stumbling around in total darkness. We could move forward!

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Until it wasn’t.

just having grown another human and not getting any semblance of consistent sleep.

After many months of MRIs, numerous tests, invasive procedures, and several neurologists scratching their heads, my frustration mounted. This tension triggered another type of episode involving painful spasms in my neck along with an inability to speak. I was worried, my spirit was crushed, and my body was flat-out exhausted. I attended ongoing vestibular therapy, my ability to drive was limited, and I was placed on disability, which meant my income was cut in half. Life was vastly different for my little family, and we were all adjusting in our own ways. It was brutally stressful, but we put on happy faces as long as we could.

Finally, Answers! The torment of the mental countdown started, and the time finally came. The doctors concluded that a blood vessel in my brain constricted—when I had preeclampsia 19 months prior—and remained stuck like this for some unknown reason. (I am sure my self-induced stress around the clock despite God’s persistent warnings to slow down was a major factor.) 19 months!

“Where am I at, God?” I’d yell breathlessly over my shoulder as I rounded the corner for what seemed like the hundredth time. “00:00!” He’d yell with an enthusiastic thumbs up. “But I’ve been running for hours! Why haven’t you started the clock?” I shouted back as I felt the sting of a blister forming on my left heel. “The clock starts once you stop being single,” He’d yell. “These laps don’t really matter, but just keep running!” And so, with that imaginary “00:00” branded on my internal world, my external world manifested the fear I felt. Because I was holding my breath waiting for “the one” to arrive on the scene, I denied desires and opportunities that could in any way interfere with that stopwatch starting. I perceived God’s perfect will for my life to be as fragile as a piece of china.

THRIVING in Singleness

Saying yes to the life I didn’t expect. by Kristen Kieckhaefer

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Sounds perfect, right?

When I entered college as an 18 year old, I assumed that a great love story would materialize without much effort and that I’d be a wife and mother by the time I turned 25. The truth is, I didn’t even get close to dating in college, and my 20s were dotted with a fair share of false starts and rocky breakups. As I survey my life now as a 30-year-old woman, I’m as single now as I was back in college (but I am the proud owner of two cats who adore me, so that counts for something, right?). For the better part of those 12 years between the past and the present, I was convinced that my life was on hold until “the one” arrived on the scene. It was as if I was running laps around a track while God held a stopwatch, with our conversation sounding something like this:

As I started out on the race, I pursued a holistic type of well-being encompassing the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. My work on the emotional component in particular helped me experience a new, more enjoyable way to exist. With the support of a therapist, I began by cracking open my past and exposing its deepest pains in order to usher in love, truth, and healing. Though it was painful, I slowly grew in self-awareness and began to understand why I gravitated toward dysfunctional relational patterns. And as I grew in self-respect, I became increasingly attracted to open communication, healthy boundaries, and appropriate conflict management. I also stopped blaming my relationship frustrations on others and instead took ownership; I recognized my power in pursuing quality friendships and relationships that would ultimately provide truer satisfaction.

Saying Yes I want to be like Ruth. I want to be a woman who says “yes” to the adventures God places before me, even when it feels like my dreams are collapsing and life isn’t how I pictured it. I want to get into the habit of walking straight into God’s invitations, armed with the conviction that His plans and intentions are good. Some time ago, I agreed in my heart, “God, You see my desire for marriage, but Your plans are better than mine. I say ‘yes’ to whatever story You’re writing for my life. Tell me what You want me to do, and I’ll do it, no matter how scary it may be.” Here are a few invitations God whispered to me in the years following that prayer: Push past your social anxiety. Face the pain from your past. Find your voice. Quit your nine-to-five job to pursue art and music full-time. Record your first music album. God is waiting for us to listen. What unique invitation is God whispering to you? The desire for companionship and marriage is not bad; in fact, those desires reflect God’s communal nature and how humans are wired for connection. But far be it from us to let unmet desires hold us back from pursuing the healthiest versions of ourselves or impede the mission God planned for each of us long ago. Our lives, our voices, and our ministries as single women matter whether or not “the one” ever arrives on the scene. Let’s resolve to boldly participate in God’s beautiful adventures. The stopwatch is ticking—let’s get moving!

Kristen Kieckhaefer is a live speed

painter, singer-songwriter, and art teacher based out of Milwaukee, Wis. Visit her website at kristenkieckhaefer.com and elevatedeventart.com.

spring 2021

As we slipped on our jackets, I grabbed an ice cream cone and turned the corner toward the door. Then, out of nowhere, it happened. I bumped straight into… him. My ice cream cone collided with his chest and dropped to the ground. Though I couldn’t have predicted it at that moment, this guy, the cute guy from class who now had chocolate ice cream all down his shirt, would propose to me exactly 18 months later, and the following summer we’d be married.

Except there’s just one problem. None of that happened.

Though perhaps a little grim, I found my vision compelling enough to jolt me awake, kick me into gear, and learn what it meant to flourish as a single woman. I started acting as though the gun had been fired and the stopwatch was already ticking.

Under the weight of that heavy realization, Ruth could have easily folded. And yet, it was as if she could perceive the greater vision through the thick fog of grief. Despite her mother-in-law’s urging, Ruth refused to leave her family and would not pass up an opportunity to investigate a God who was rumored to be faithful. With her words, “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16), Ruth said “yes” to an invitation with no guarantee that things would work out in the end. She decided to stay faithful and explore what was unfolding right in front of her.

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spring 2021

It was an ordinary Tuesday evening during my junior year of college, and my friends and I were enjoying good conversation over dinner in the dining commons. We chatted about homework, fun weekend plans, and of course, our love interests. I certainly didn’t hold back as I updated my friends about the cute guy from class!

Learning to Flourish And then one day, after living small for a number of years, I had a vision. I pictured myself as an old and still single woman at the end of my life. I pondered what it would be like to survey the mountain of unlived life I unconsciously created in an attempt to find “the one.” I wondered what it would be like to hope and wait for something that never materialized, and have nothing to show for the years I was given. The sensations of emptiness and regret were palpable.

A Lesson from Ruth A biblical character that has greatly encouraged me as a single woman is Ruth. While it’s tempting to gobble up the Ruth-Boaz romance and leave it at that, I find inspiration in the chapters preceding the triumph. If you recall, a string of deaths left Ruth, her sister-in-law, and mother-in-law all without husbands. Ruth had once enjoyed some semblance of security as a married woman, but was now left vulnerable with no protection. As a woman, to be childless and husbandless in ancient times was essentially a death sentence.

It feels impossible, doesn’t it? So, how did Jesus do it? Our answer lies in verse three, right before He washed his feet: “Jesus… knowing that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper.” He rose. Oh, how easy it would have been for Him to stay seated! He could have waited until the meal was over and Judas had left to betray Him. Then He could have washed the other disciples’ feet. But, no. While Judas was there and with the pain on the horizon, He rose.

When You Have Been Wounded Rise up and love. by Jen Allee

ave you ever been wounded by someone— really wounded to the point that you wonder if you’ll ever get over it? It’s the club no one wants to join, yet it’s brimming with members.

Even Jesus was wounded. Unfortunately, being both God and man, He knew who was going to hurt Him, when it would happen, and how it would be done. There is a downside to omniscience. What would you do if you knew, in advance, that someone was going to hurt you? Would you treat that person differently? Would you start distancing yourself, hoping to alter the course of history and prevent it from occurring?

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In John 13, Jesus is sharing a final meal with the disciples. It is the eve of His crucifixion and, if that were not enough, He knows one of His own is going to set it all in motion. Yet, despite that horrible foreknowledge, Jesus chooses to demonstrate His love for him anyway.

Minutes later, Judas and his clean feet stood up, walked out, and betrayed Him. Could you wash the feet of a person you knew would one day hurt you? Could you humble yourself, kneel down, and look them in the eye? Could you pick up each foot, one by one, and tenderly soap them and pat them dry?

Knowing this isn’t your final destination changes how you approach relationships. People should not define your worth, happiness, or satisfaction in life. They can certainly contribute, but they should not be your ultimate criteria. If you rise and fall on the joy and the agony that comes from people, your life will feel tumultuous and fragile.

He was able to rise in front of Judas because He knew He had come from God and was going back to God (v. 3). In other words, He knew:

People can hurt you, but they cannot destroy you. No pain is permanent because this is not your home.

• He was God’s son. Judas’ duplicity did not define Him.

John 13 begins with Jesus knowing “The hour had come for him to leave this world…” (v. 1). It was time to go home, but not before He accomplished His mission. He came to earth to die for broken people who make broken decisions. The goal was reunification with the Father that would lead to wholeness.

• Judas couldn’t permanently hurt Him. This was not His home. • His purpose on earth was not to have perfect relationships. It was to die for broken people and their broken decisions. Knowing who He was, where He was headed, and what His purpose was gave Him the ability to rise up and love someone who didn’t deserve it. It didn’t negate the pain of betrayal, but it did give Him the ability to tower over His circumstances and see Judas as a broken man making broken decisions. Omniscience is not required to know that we will all experience relational wounds. Thankfully, the same truths that equipped Jesus to handle it in advance can be applied after the fact. Let’s consider each of them individually.

Jesus knew who He was.

Jesus had confidence rooted in being the Son of God. He was never out to prove His worth or garner the praise of man. He didn’t have insecurities that interfered with His conduct. That assurance dictated His actions. Knowing who you are greatly affects how you handle wounds. Others may hurt you, but they do not define you. You can always turn your face toward God and be received with an overwhelming love. You are precious to Him in every way that someone else finds you lacking.

Jesus knew His purpose.

Similarly, our mission in life is not to have amazing relationships with everyone. Rather, it’s to tell others about the wholeness we find in Christ. We will cross paths with difficult people who will hurt us, but adversity can be used for His purposes. It is all a matter of perspective. We can choose to grow stronger through our wounds or we can let them define, defeat, and destroy us. We are all broken people who are givers and receivers of brokenness. It is what we do with our brokenness that matters. When you know who you are, where you are headed, and what your purpose is, it gives you the ability to rise up and forgive. It might be messy, and it doesn’t negate or excuse their behavior, but it’s an effective way to stop the broken record from replaying in your mind. You don’t have to wash the feet of everyone who has ever hurt you, but you can choose to see them as broken people who made broken decisions. And there is nothing they have done that can hurt you permanently because of where you are headed. It may hurt now, but it won’t forever. It’s okay to stop reliving it in your mind. Instead, rise up.

You can choose to not let others define your worth. Your worth has already been defined.

Jesus knew where He was headed.

Heaven was the beginning and the end for Jesus. Earth was just a stopping point. He clearly stated that His kingdom was not of this world (John 18:36). Now, did

Jen Allee is a speaker, blogger, and

author of a six-week Bible study called Release. As a communicator, she desires to see women take intentional steps toward Jesus. She and her husband have two boys and live in Houston, Tex. Visit her Living Intentionally site to learn more at jenallee.com.

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But Jesus didn’t.

In John 13:21 it says, “Jesus was troubled in spirit.” That’s the holy way of saying that Judas was preparing to stab Him in the back and Jesus was already feeling the pain. Before verse 21 played out, though, Jesus performed the act of humbling Himself and washing Judas’ feet—an act which immediately separated them, elevating one above the other as prized and of great importance.

He drew an important fine line.

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I know I would.

Now, don’t write this story off because it was Jesus. I know He was perfect and holy and always made the right choice, but He was also human and felt life as deeply as we do. So, consider this: knowing in advance that someone is preparing to hurt you and choosing to love them anyway is just as hard, if not harder, than loving them after the damage is done.

He build relationships with people? Yes. Did He strive to serve and care for others? Absolutely. Did He love mankind? Without a doubt. But, did He base His happiness or satisfaction on them? No.

Who knew that I’d have to apply my notes on a completely different level when I was called upon to be the primary caregiver of my teenage son as he battled leukemia. Then my other son contracted a deadly disease, landing him in the same hospital, at the same time as my leukemic son. Years later, my oldest daughter experienced some life-threatening complications after giving birth to our first grandchild, which required that I spend three months off-and-on caring for her and her family while she recovered. Most recently, I’ve walked alongside my husband as he’s dealt with chronic pain. My caregiving experience has not come of my own accord. I’m really not a good nurse! Caring for others in practical ways is not my forte. I’m more of an emotional support—need a Kleenex, a shoulder to cry on, someone to mourn with you as you mourn? That’s more my style. But I’ve taken good notes from the example of those who have offered care during times when I’ve been on the receiving end. The principles I’m about to share come from a place of well-rehearsed success and are vital for your well-being if you’re ever called to be a caregiver.

care Taking

of You!

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Several years ago I had the unique and humbling opportunity to speak at an Alzheimer’s Caregivers’ Conference. I was asked to address the topic, “How to Care for Yourself While You Care for Others.” I was able to draw from my years of ministry experience where my pastor-husband and I have been available for the physical, emotional, and spiritual care of others. I was also able to speak from experience of my personal recovery from burnout.

2. Exercise. I’m not talking about an hour cardio and strength-training regimen. Exercise could be walking up the stairs inside your home or going for a walk around the block. I find that moving my body helps me to work out some of the negative thoughts and pent up frustrations that get stuck inside my head. 3. Proper Diet. I don’t know many people who don’t like to eat to comfort themselves! Comfort foods are readily available. However, the Bible would exhort us to do everything in moderation, exercising self-control. 4. Creative Outlets. Our Creator made us to create! It’s amazing the therapy a little creativity will provide. Drawing, writing, carpentry, gardening, house decorating—however you want to do it, take the opportunity to create. It will do your mind some good! 5. Personal Boundaries. When we’re called upon as caregivers, our resources are pulled from every which way. So it’s important to know our own limitations, recognize when our resources are running low, and hunker down when our emotional reserve is bottoming out.

8. Solitude. Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you need time set aside for solitude and silence. Allow fallow time to think, process, and have quiet time all to yourself. 9. Companionship. We all need support—especially during difficult times. I’m not sure what I would do without trusted friends to listen to me, pray for me, and offer practical support. The list of “one-another’s” are endless in Scripture. Love one another, care for one another, pray for one another, and on it goes. 10. Time with the Lord. As I’ve cared for others, my Bible has been close at hand. Time with the Lord comes in many forms: praying, reading His Word, listening to podcasts, Christian radio, and/or worship music—anything along this line that will recharge and rejuvenate your body, mind, and soul, providing encouragement, hope, validation, and renewed perspective. “The care you give to yourself is the care you give to your loved one,” one caregiver wisely said. It’s easier said than done. It is often challenging to see beyond all that needs to be done in caring for others on a daily basis, but it’s absolutely important to take care of yourself as the caregiver. Study after study shows that caregiving threatens health. Seventy-five percent of caregivers are women, some taking care of spouses/partners, some adult children taking care of parents, some parents taking care of adult children. Caring for yourself is one of the most important—and one of the most often forgotten—things you can do as a caregiver. When your needs are taken care of, the person you care for will benefit, too.

Lisa Elliott is a speaker and award-

winning author of The Ben Ripple and Dancing in the Rain. She and her pastorhusband, David, live in Ottawa, Ontario. They have four adult children (three on earth and one in heaven), a son-in-law, a daughter-inlaw, and four grandchildren.

spring 2021

f you’ve ever flown on a plane, you’ll know the safety drill exercise. Included is an emphasis on placing the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on a fellow traveler. Why, you ask? Because you can’t assist someone else with breathing if you can’t breathe yourself! The same goes when we’re called to care for others.

by Lisa Elliott

1. Proper Rest. We don’t know the blessing of sleep until we are sleep deprived. Without sleep, our brain malfunctions, our body is vulnerable, our perspective wanes, and our spirits plummet. Sleep is an undeniable gift from God.

7. Attainable Goals. Caring for others is draining and can often leave you feeling depleted, with no energy or motivation, so we must set goals that are attainable and easily achieved. Sometimes it’s enough to simply get out of bed! By goals, I mean simple tasks like “get outside once a day” or “do something for yourself guiltfree.” Take a deep breath, take the pressure off, and give yourself permission.

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spring 2021

10 Ways to Practice Self Care While Caring for Others

To care for others well, seek out:

6. Recharging Activities. In contrast to setting personal boundaries that guard your sacred space and limit your output, it’s necessary to engage in activities that bring you joy as well as energize, replenish, and encourage you. You know what they are; now be blessed as you do them!

CHOOSING

Grace and Peace

INSTEAD OF CONFLICT Avoid the 5 R’s

by PeggySue Wells

Families have a long history together to continually practice until the cycle becomes expected as people unthinkingly play their parts. Think of the aunt perpetually offended by someone in the family. The relative who plays favorites. The sibling who pouts when he doesn’t get his way. This is the foundation for holidays where people gather to emotionally abuse one another and have pie.

Practice Makes Permanent

Becoming aware of the active presence of the 5 R’s is the first step to interrupting this destructive pattern. When you find yourself in one of the 5 R’s, here are steps to immediately place the relationship on positive footing. • R esentment is negative emotional reactions to what you think was said or done, or not said or done. Resentment shows up as drama words in your vocabulary: need, perfect, should. “He needs to . . .” “I’m not perfect, but . . .” “She should . . .” You are stuck in resentment when you are stuck in drama.

aturday morning, my teen groused around the house. I tried to cheer her with tea, a couple jokes, and her favorite pancakes.

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1. Something happens or is said, done, not said, or not done that results in me feeling rejected. My efforts to cheer up my daughter were rebuffed. 2. Rejection feels lousy, so I become resentful about feeling rejected. I made up a story about why my teen daughter acted unhappy. 3. Resentful, I resist relationship with the person I feel resentful toward. This showed up when I gave my daughter the silent treatment. 4. Resistance becomes action when it leads to revenge. Verbal attacks about my daughter’s homework are unkind volleys designed to hurt in the way I felt she hurt me. 5. Repeat. Unresolved, this cycle repeats automatically until a relationship is damaged beyond repair. My daughter did not engage with me, so I disengage from her, so she distanced herself from my barbs, and I kept a wall between us, and so the pattern continued. These are the 5 R’s that spell destruction to relationships: rejection, resentment, resistance, revenge, and repeat.

• Resistance is cutting off communication and connection. Avoiding eye contact and giving the silent treatment is shutting down emotionally and relationally toward another. Solution: Engage. Make eye contact; have conversations. Clear the air by saying, “The story I’m making up in my head about ________ is _______________.” • Revenge is taking advantage of a situation or setting up an opportunity to hurt another. If you are saying something like, “Now he will know how it feels” or “Serves her right” or “He had it coming,” you are in revenge. Solution: Extend generosity to the person you feel revengeful toward. Does the person deserve generosity? Probably not. That’s why it’s called grace.

“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult” (Prov. 12:16).

Fact Versus Fiction

The moment you feel rejected is your most powerful opportunity to choose. Choose to step off into the familiar yet painful cycle of the 5 R’s, or choose grace and joy and health. The life-giving, life-changing solution comes by sticking to the facts and letting facts stand for themselves. To my grousing teen, I said, “The story I’m making up in my head right now is that I stink as a parent and you’d rather be anywhere than here with me.” My teen responded with a completely baffled expression. “I just learned the boy I babysit has leukemia.” (Note to self: Most people are not even thinking about me.)

Truth Bomb

The truth is, most things people say or don’t say, do or don’t do, accidentally do or don’t do hardly ever have anything to do with you. (Yes, that’s a lot of do-do.) We’re doing our best to live as well as we can. And the best we can do has everything to do with the following: • sticking to the facts • being graciously generous • practicing gratitude • not taking ourselves or others too seriously Occasionally those closest to us do reject us. Rejection, like pain, is nobody’s favorite. But if we are breathing, rejection is part of life. And we have something to learn from both pain and rejection. What’s vital is how we respond, and the 5 R’s are the antithesis of maturity, healthy relationships, and good adulting. Without the 5 R’s, family and group gatherings can resemble heartfelt scenes from Hallmark greeting cards. We let down our defenses, freely cheer on others, celebrate our beloveds, enjoy relationships, and laugh until milk comes out our noses. These gatherings are none of the emotional drama and all of the pie.

Perhaps the person who hurt you is not safe. An abusive spouse is not someone to be connected to. Neither is the business partner who ripped you off. In such situations be generous elsewhere, but be generous or you’ll become bitter.

• R epeat. A toxic pattern is to believe that because you are hurt, you have the right to be unkind and hurtful.

PeggySue Wells

Find practical tips and tangible helps in the new book, The Ten Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make by Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells. Single Mom and parenting resources are available at SingleMomCircle. com. (See ad on page 27.)

spring 2021

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all,” Paul instructed in Rom. 12:18 (ESV). If we’re doing our best to live peaceably, why does conflict escalate between those we love, neighbors, community members, political parties, and world governments?

As families, coworkers, and fellow inhabitants of planet Earth, we’re proficient at the 5 R’s. The process goes like this:

Solution: Release others from your expectations of how they should act or behave.

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My efforts fell short of improving her attitude. Like many single moms, I quickly reasoned that the problem must be me. Doubtless, my daughter thought that I stink as a mom and she would rather spend Saturday with anyone else. Feeling rejected, I was tempted to dish back negativity by giving her the silent treatment. Simmering internally, eventually I might choose to vent my hurt with a barbed jab. How easy to say, “Is your homework done? You had better keep those grades above C level.”

The Root of Conflict

Solution: Shift to gratitude. “I’m grateful he . . .” “What fun to . . .” “I’m thankful she . . .”

Then you hurt someone, and they hurt you, and you are offended, and they are offended, and in that offense both parties dive deeply into the 5 R’s.

OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR

minutes in the

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

WORD A Season to By Dorie Etrheim

by Ashley N. Thomas

ove your neighbor, they say. Love them as you love yourself. What if you haven’t figured out how to love yourself? Who is your neighbor? How far do you have to go to love them? The list of questions is often long when it comes after a phrase like love your neighbor—the solution while simple, is more complex and gray, than black or white. This isn’t another “love your neighbor speech.” There’s no magical formula for how to win “Christian neighbor of the year.” Life isn’t so much about doing as it is about b eing.It took me a while to figure that out, which might seem ridiculous coming from someone who has lived just over three decades of life. My name is Ashley, Ash for short. I am a blackish, 31 year old, who has learned best through trial and error. I am a doer, some may say achiever, who is focused on doing the right thing, as best as it can be done and as efficiently as possible. Most of my life, I have lived into the narrative that I had to earn my status. So it’s natural that being a neighbor would be one more thing I would attempt to master.

“So what’s outside your front door? Who do you need to see?”

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Here’s what I can promise you: it will be difficult to love yourself and then others. In many cases, excruciating. Any real life change is. However, I can also promise you a peace beyond any understanding and a deeper connection with yourself and other human beings that is beyond anything you can imagine. I think it is a window into what God wants for each of us.

Winter can be a cold, hard season where I live. I often want to just “get through” it. Have you had a season in life that you wanted to just “get through”—a hard season when you felt discouraged, overwhelmed, or lonely? How do we flourish like wildflowers no matter the season or circumstance?

Ashley N. Thomas is the Executive Director of Hope Street

ministry in Milwaukee, Wis. She enjoys speaking, writing, and being present with broken people as each discovers the grace that allows us all to be known and loved still.

fromsmashtoash.com

Planted in the Lord’s house, we will grow strong like a tree planted by the river with our roots deep in the living water, with no fear and no worries, always fresh and flourishing. Read Ephesians 3:14-21 and Colossians 2: 6-7 in the NLT. What does Paul say about our roots?

Psalm 92:13 says, “Planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God.” Read Psalm 1:1-3; Psalm 92:12-15; and Jeremiah 17:5-8. List how the blessed and righteous are described. Notice what “they will” do.

What stands out to you in these passages?

How do you grow deep roots to flourish? It begins with trust. Trust the Lord with all your heart! Trust His faithful love. Trust His promises. Rely on His love for your strength and security. Pursue Him above all else. What is one thing you can trust Him with today? Be nourished by meditating on the Word of God! “Meditate” means a continuous practice of speaking the living Word of God out loud, to ponder, and apply it to our lives. Speak the Word to yourself, with a friend, or with the Lord in prayer. What are you pondering day and night? Fear or faith? Peace or problems? Every day, receive His love! Take a pause and lay your heart concerns at the feet of Jesus. Draw near to Him, rest in His loving arms, and embrace His unfailing love for you. Where is your place with Jesus?

Our hearts can break for what breaks His and that well is vast. In the end, walking out my front door was more about me finding my life than helping anyone else find theirs. I learned that outside my door was where Jesus was asking me to meet Him. To push the boundaries and dare to go where I had not been, to step out in faith instead of resting where I was comfortable, to see that where I end and He begins is freedom, love, and grace. So what’s outside your front door? Who do you need to see? Is it you through His eyes? Take the step, it’s never too late to explore how He sees you and who knows you just might meet a new neighbor in the process.

Digging Deeper

Compare the one who trusts in man to the one who trusts in the Lord in Jeremiah 17:5-8.

Have you ever felt like the scrubby bush in the wasteland? I know I have. Looking back at my hard season, I trusted in myself and my surroundings. I let my roots grow into the parched soil of fear, worry, anxiety, and self-sufficiency—a soil that never nourished. I felt spiritually weak and withered. Where are your roots growing?

What is one way you can “fasten upon” the Lord?

For Your Journal Take time today to get away with Jesus. Handwrite Ephesians 3:14-21 and make it personal: “He will empower me.” Meditate on this Scripture day and night. This is your season to flourish!

spring 2021

My unexpected moment came almost a decade ago. I found myself on the northside of Milwaukee, at a place called Hope Street. It is conveniently nestled

In the beginning it was awkward. While my introverted self is completely okay standing off in the corner observing, I found myself longing to be a part of what was happening. I found myself immersed in a community that was completely comfortable with being unashamedly themselves—mess and all—beautiful reflections of our Father and yet tormented by the brokenness of our world. Each face was an invitation for me to consider vulnerability over the mask I had grown to know (and loathe). Each interaction was an opportunity for me to see just how similar we were, even though in many cases there were years between us, and hard things like drug use, promiscuity, or any other broken choices human beings face. In spite of it all, was a deep desire to explore the gift of being known and loved still.

pring is the season of flourishing. Fresh green buds appear on bare trees and flowers bloom. Even in the desert, wildflowers blossom and create a radiant display of color. Spring breaks forth from winter.

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spring 2021

So much of our Christian faith is about the unexpected moments. Jesus continually shows up in unexpected places, with unexpected people, and with an unexpected agenda. Which often meant there was none. He was so good at being present and meeting people right where they were. He owned being inconvenienced. In fact, it wasn’t inconvenient at all. He took great joy in meeting people’s brokenness with His deliverance, His hope, and His purpose for their future, not for any personal gain, but so that His people would have life.

in “the hood” or in the part of town that many people avoid. Truth be told, I was scared to go my first time. I didn’t know what it would be like.

flourish!

STRENGTHENING YOUR SOUL

LIVING WELL

It’s All About the Life You Live

Your Presence is Requested

by Melva L. Henderson

by Gail Goolsby

ever has the treasure of human presence come to light as during this COVID-19 pandemic time of life. You, no doubt, hear these similar heart longings from people in your sphere as I do: • “Between supervising the kids’ schooling and working from home, I hardly get out of the house. I miss having time to myself and visiting, in-person, with my friends.” • “My assisted-living residence is very strict about visitors. I am allowed one or two people per week for 30-minute visits outside, wearing masks, and sitting six feet apart. I feel so lonely.” • “To keep from being exposed, I have cut all group gatherings like church, restaurants, and big stores. I feel so isolated.” How can we be present in such disconnected, even dangerous circumstances?

Presence with Purpose

Jesus attended large and small gatherings with purpose—maybe to introduce His divine power through a miracle or maybe to teach a crowd about the kingdom of God through a story. He was clearly present with His disciples for the purpose of preparing them for His upcoming absence and their continued ministry. He demonstrated that presence isn’t just about proximity; presence is about purpose. This is good news for us during COVID-19 times when proximity is so restricted. It requires us to be creative, learn new skills with technology, and open up to new ways to connect.

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Gail Goolsby,

COVID-19 restrictions open up more time to spend in God’s presence, which is much better than reading another article describing the dire future of economics, politics, or health! When we soak ourselves in the faithfulness of a loving God, we may question the meaning of the crisis but ultimately recognize that He is worthy to trust with our future. Developing a non-anxious presence is a marvelous gift for those crippled with fear and loneliness. When connected to God, we are prepared to be purposefully present with others. With no idea how long this pandemic will last, we need God to give us the wisdom for how to reach out to those in our home and beyond. Maybe we will take up pen and paper as in days of old, still wishing as the apostle John: “I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face-to-face, so that our joy may be complete” (2 John 12). Until in-person socializing is commonplace again, be as present as possible and cherish every moment.

holds master’s degrees in professional counseling and educational leadership. She has over 25 years of experience in education, and is a counselor and ICF certified life coach. Her book, Unveiled Truth: Lessons I Learned Leading the International School of Kabul, details the experience with challenging applications for all readers. Gail and her husband live in Wichita, Kan., and have three grown children and four granddaughters.

gailgoolsby.com

% gail.goolsby@gmail.com F Gail Wettstone Goolsby T Gail Goolsby

In the Old Testament, God repeatedly made reference to the children of the Israelites. He gave specific instructions on how the children were to be taught.

Just like the Israelites, God wants our children to know Him and to walk with Him. So we have to make sure that our lives are living examples of Christ. You should want your children to love your God more than you love Him, and that will happen when they can see God in operation and in manifestation in your own life.

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth (Deut. 11:18–21). The directives given were to be handed down from generation to generation because God wanted an entire lineage of people who would walk with Him, not just a single generation. The instructions were to be lived out in front of the children. Children are to be an intricate part of our lives with God. Your daily walk with Christ should translate into something that your children can see and experience. I was studying the life of Abram (Abraham) and found something interesting from the Hebrew writings. Abram’s father was an idol worshipper; no doubt, as a child, Abram was, too. But something happened to Abram when he was very young. At the age of ten, Abram went to live with Noah, who was 892 years old when Abram was born. It was during this time that Abram began to hunger for God instead of the ways of his father. What happened? Abram spent many years under the tutelage of Noah. Genesis 6:9 says that Noah was a just and perfect

Melva L. Henderson

Children are to be an intricate part of our lives with God. Your daily walk with Christ should translate into something that your children can see and experience.

I was raised by a praying, Bible-reading grandmother. She loved the Word of God and would have books and Bibles all over her bed every night. When our youngest daughter was very young, I began to notice Bibles and journals around her bed each morning. I didn’t think much about it and just moved them out of the way. One day, as I was making my bed, I found myself moving my own books, Bibles, and journals. Then it dawned on me—my daughter watched me, I watched my grandmother—the cycle was continuing. If you have lived a life that you don’t want repeated through your children, it’s not too late to change. Don’t trouble yourself with your past, but endeavor to be the example that you have been called to be today. God loves you. He has made a way for you to change the course of your life and the lives of your children.

is an author, speaker, and regular columnist for Just Between Us. Additionally, she is the founder of The Milwaukee Give, a humanitarian outreach. She is co-founder and president of World Bible Training Institute, an accredited Bible college. She is wife to pastor Ervin, mother of five, and a grandmother.

Melvahenderson.org

worldoutreachbtc.org

F Melva Henderson T Melva Henderson

spring 2021

1. Individual Moments: Take 10 to 15 minutes at a time with your loved one, fully given with no distractions. 2. Play: Plan a game night and indulge in silly antics with your loved ones. 3. Good Questions: Ask open-ended, thoughtful questions. Listen patiently.

The Gift of Peaceful Presence

man, and he walked with God. Abram walked with Noah, Noah walked with God, and therefore Abram walked with God. Noah’s life lived out before Abram created within him a hunger for God. What kind of hunger is your lifestyle creating within your children?

lot of times we think 2 Cor. 3:2, “You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone” applies only to those of us on our jobs, at church, or at places where we encounter adults. But the Scripture says “everyone,” which includes our children. Whether we like it or not, what we do or don’t do before our children is going to be repeated before others.

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Here are some practical, purposeful ideas to be present as a neighbor, friend, parent, caregiver, or spouse:

4. Device-Free Time: At an agreed place and time, turn off your devices for engaged conversations with the people in your home. 5. Movement: Walk the dog, ride bikes, show off your hula hoop skills, or participate in an exercise video with your husband or child. 6. Work Boundaries: Leave work at work—cut off phone calls and computer time past your designated working hours. 7. Curiosity: Interview others, new or known, as you would a stranger. 8. Appreciation: Comment on the specialness of others or their acts of service. 9. Creative Activity: Plan art, crafts, cooking, or leisure activities that keep adults and children engaged. 10. Affection: Hug and kiss those in your safe circle, cuddle your child, hold hands in the car, or on a walk, give a foot massage, and prepare for sexual intimacy with your spouse.

DISCOVERING THE WORD

Insight and Encouragement for the Pastor’s Wife

He Loves Ewe!

“Control the controllables. Leave the uncontrollables to God.” — Sweet Bite of Wisdom from Kay Warren

by Pam Farrel

am a true Bo Peep. I grew up on a Suffolk sheep farm in Idaho, so when I read Psalm 23, it is personal, encouraging, and comforting. Like most of the world, you may need comfort or encouragement in your life right now. There are a few qualities of your Good Shepherd that might encourage you, especially if you feel like you are traveling through the “valley of the shadow of death.”

The Shepherd is Personal

The psalmist declares that “The Lord is my shepherd” because the relationship between a lamb and a shepherd can be close, caring, and compassionate. My first lamb was a “bummer,” meaning the mother had rejected or abandoned her own offspring. These kinds of lambs need extra attention, so I fed her with a bottle twice a day, holding her in my arms like a baby. I carded her wool, hand-fed her grain, walked her and talked to her. On cold nights I tucked her into a warm pen and, if I heard howling coyotes, I got up to go out to check on her. I named her “Bunny” because she would delight herself jumping from rock to rock in our pasture. Ours was an “everywhere that Pammy went her lamb was sure to go” kind of relationship.

The Shepherd is a Protector

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I picture both my granddad and brother as definitions of a protective good shepherd. Ravenous coyotes, wolves, and wild dogs roamed the high desert of our family farm. These savage animals would attack and kill whole flocks of sheep in a single night. To help keep our sheep safe, we hung bells around their necks. If we heard a cacophony of loud jingling, we knew the wild dogs were nearby threatening an attack. To protect the sheep, the men in my family would post themselves in the pasture. They would wrap themselves in a down sleeping bag with their “rod and staff” within arm’s reach. It was a cold, uncomfortable, thankless job, but it saved the lives of our entire flock. To this day, when I picture God as my Good Shepherd, I see Him as my strong, powerful, and attentive protector.

Pam Farrel

The Shepherd is a Provider

When I read, “He makes me lie down in green pastures. he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul” (Ps. 23: 2), I can relate because that is my upbringing. I would often walk barefoot through the deep, lush, green grass of the pasture as the sheep grazed. I would take a blanket and a Bible, and lie down to spend quiet hours communing with God. This was my place of solace and restoration, far away from the chaos my alcoholic, raging, earthly father might be creating in our small farmhouse. To this day, an open meadow or trickling brook reminds me of the restorative presence of the Good Shepherd, even in the midst of chaos.

“Sweet Moments brought back dozens of memories and the full range of emoƟons. Shelley understands that our unique calling can only truly be understood by others who have walked the same path. No maƩer what your path may be strewn with at the moment, you will nd encouragement and companionship in these pages.” — Rhonda Van Cleave

Shelley Pierce

is a speaker and award-winning author of The Crumberry Chronicles middle-grade cƟon series as well as picture books I Know What Grandma Does While I’m Napping and High-Water Haƫe. She is an In The Quiver contributor. You can connect with Shelley at hƩps://pierceshelley9.wixsite. com/mysite

The Shepherd is a Pursuer

As I have followed my Good Shepherd, I have seen how “goodness and mercy” have surely followed me all the days of my life (vs. 6). One could phrase this as, “certainly what is good, pleasant, agreeable, beneficial, desirable, beautiful, and best will pursue you, as well as God’s faithful, loyal, lovingkindness.” Wow! Our Good Shepherd pursues us to give us all things beautiful and beneficial. More recently, I was going through one of the most challenging years of my life. It comforts me to know that with our Shepherd, we can walk through the darkest valley and not tremble because the Good Shepherd sees, knows, cares, loves, and prepares hope and help for each one of His sheep…including you!

Our Good Shepherd pursues us to give us all things beautiful and beneficial. Find a blanket, spread it on some green grass near water (or a comfortable and cozy space), then open your Bible, and let the Shepherd send some goodness and mercy your way.

is a co-director of Love-Wise. She is the author of 52 books: her newest is Discovering Hope in the Psalms: A Creative Bible Study Experience.

Love-Wise.com

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Statement of Ownership, Management, and Circulation (Required by 39 U.S.C. 3685) Publication Title: Just Between Us. Publication No: 1069-3459 Filing Date: September 24, 2020. Issue Frequency: Quarterly No. of issues Published Annually: 4. Annual Subscription Price: $19.95. Complete Mailing Address of Known Office of Publication (Street, City, County, State, and ZIP+4)(Not Printer): 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. Complete Mailing Address of Headquarters or General Business Office of Publisher (Not Printer): 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. Full Names and Complete Mailing Addresses of Publisher, Editor, and Managing Editor (Do Not Leave Blank): Publisher (Name and Complete Mailing Address): Just Between Us, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. Editor (Name and Complete Mailing Address): Shelly Esser, Editor, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. Owner (If owned by a corporation, its name and address must be stated and also immediately thereafter the name and addresses of stockholders owning or holding 1 percent or more of the total amount of stock. If not owned by a corporation, the names and addresses of the individual owners must be given. If owned by a partnership or other unincorporated firm, its name and address as well as that of each individual must be given. If the publication is published by a nonprofit organization, its name and address must be stated.) (Do Not Leave Blank.) Owner: Elmbrook Church, Inc., 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. Known Bondholders, Mortgagees, and Other Security Holders Owning or Holding 1 Percent or More of Total Amount of Bonds, Mortgages, or Other Securities, If none, so state: None 12. Tax Status (For completion by nonprofit organizations authorized to mail at nonprofit rates) (Check one) Has not changed in the preceding twelve months. Issue Date for Circulation Data Below: Winter 2019-Fall 2020. Extent and Nature of Circulation - Average No. Copies Each Issue During Preceding 12 months: A. Total No. Copies (Net Press Run): 10,250. B. Paid and/or Requested Circulation: (1) Paid or Requested OutsideCountry Mail Subscriptions stated on form 3541. (Include Advertiser’s Proof Copies/Exchange Copies): 9,467. (2) Paid In-Country Subscriptions (Include Advertiser’s Proof Copies/Exchange Copies): 0. (3) Sales Through Dealers and Carriers, Street Vendors, and Counter Sales and other Non-USPS: Paid Distribution: 35. (4) Other classes mailed through USPS: 12. C. Total Paid and/or Requested Circulation (Sum of l5b (1,2,3,4): 9,514. D. Free Distribution by Mail (Samples, Complimentary, and Other Free) (1) Outside-Country as Stated on Form 3541: 108. (2) In-Country as Stated on Form 3541: 0. (3) Other Classes Mailed Through USPS: 190. (4) Free or Nominal Rate Distribution Outside the Mail (Carriers or other means): 69. E. Total Free or Nominal Rate Distribution (Sum of 15d (1), (2), (3) and (4): 367. F. Total Distribution (Sum of 15c and 15e): 9,881. G. Copies Not Distributed: 369. H. Total (Sum of 15f and 15g): 10,250. I. Percent Paid and/or Requested Circulation (15c/l5f x 100): 96.29%. Issue Date for Circulation Data Below: Fall 2020. Extent and Nature of Circulation- No. Copies of Single Issue Published No.Copies Single Issue Published Nearest to Filling Date: A.Total No.Copies (Net Press Run): 10,500. B. Paid and/or Requested Circulation: (1) Paid or Requested Outside-County Mail Subscriptions stated on form 3541 (Include Advertiser’s Proof Copies/ Exchange Copies): 9,428. (2) Paid In-County Subscriptions (Include Advertiser’s Proof Copies/Exchange Copies): 0 (3) Sales Through Dealers and Carriers, Street Vendors, and Counter Sales and other NonUSPS Paid Distribution: 35. (4) Other classes mailed through USPS: 7. C. Total Paid and/or Requested Circulation (Sum of l5b(1,2,3,4): 9,470. D. Free Distribution by Mail (Samples, Complimentary, and Other Free) (1) Outside-County as Stated on Form 3541: 108. (2) In-County as Stated on Form 3541: 0. (3) Other Classes Mailed Through USPS: 165. (4) Free or Nominal Rate Distribution Outside the Mail (carriers or other means): 122. E. Total Free or Nominal Rate Distribution (Sum of 15d 1,2,3,4): 395. F. Total Distribution (Sum of 15c and 15e): 9,865 G. Copies Not Distributed: 635. H. Total (Sum of 15f and 15g): 10,500. I. Percent Paid and/or Requested Circulation (15c/15f x 100): 96.00%. This Statement of Ownership will be printed in the Spring 2021 issue of this publication. I certify that all information furnished on this form is true and complete. I understand that anyone who furnishes false or misleading information on this form or who omits material or information requested on the form may be subject to criminal sanctions (including fines and imprisonment) and/or civil sanctions (including multiple damages and civil penalties). Mary T. Perso, General Manager Date: 9/24/2020.

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