THE TRANSMASC ARCHIVE
CONTENTS 004 006 008 010 014 016 018
On Community: Or The Lack Thereof Internal Sense of Gender Brief Intermission: “WDYM?” Internal Sense of Gender cont. Fragments of the Past Masculinity Resources
“1994 FTM TRANS PRIDE,” DAVID HARRISON, DIGITALTRANSGENDERARCHIVE.NET/FILES/5X21TF694
004
ON COMMUNITY
(OR THE LACK THEREOF)
The queer community at large seems to be disappearing. There are only 27 lesbian bars in America (1); gay bars in Boston and likely elsewhere are disappearing, being replaced with “gay nights” at other popular venues; and trans people are the victims of some sort of eradication project of red states. Simply put, we are being targeted, we are assimilating, queer culture is fizzing out, and those of us who desperately desire a sense of community are not able to find it anywhere, unless we get incredibly lucky. It seems that the type of queer community that may have existed in the 1970s during the peak of urban gay clubs is now gone. This issue is also extending to the media. While the media is becoming increasingly better at representing sexual minorities, gender minorities are still quite poorly represented on screen. “We’re starving, anything will do,” says Darius, a participant in Banks’ 2021 study on transmasculine people in media (2). While there have been a few good forms of representation recently, such as Jules from Euphoria, played by Hunter Schafer, a trans woman, and Viktor from Umbrella Academy, played by Elliot Page, a trans man. However, most trans characters in media are mediocre forms of representation, often portraying trans individuals negatively or by being too detached from actual, lived trans experiences. The best (and one of the only good) transmasculine character found by Banks’ study was Mulan, who returns to living as a girl once she returns from the war. As a queer person, especially a trans person, life has the potential to be incredibly isolating. Current data indicates that 82% of transgender people have considered suicide, and 40% have attempted suicide (3). The degradation of our community spaces and the continued lack of representation in the media is harming us. We must work to rebuild these spaces that we have lost, and refuse to assimilate.
(1)
https://parade.com/living/lesbian-bars
(2)
Banks, Beck. 2021. “A visible absence: transmasculine people on the screen.” Participations, Journal of Audience & Reception Studies. Volume 18, issue 1.
(3)
Austin, A., Craig, S. L., D’Souza, S., & McInroy, L. B. (2022). Suicidality Among Transgender Youth: Elucidating the Role of Interpersonal Risk Factors. Journal of interpersonal violence, 37(5-6), NP2696–NP2718. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260520915554
005
INTERNAL SENSE OF GENDER
“GENDER DYSPHORIA,” SKOTO ART, SKOTOART.COM
We all are quite aware that cis and trans people have a different concept of gender, but how exactly does that manifest? In this non-peer reviewed research piece with an extremely small and biased sample size, I investigate the differences in cis women’s internal sense of gender and how that compares to non-cis AFAB (assigned female at birth) people’s internal sense of gender. Here, I define “internal sense of gender” as being the intensity at which one identifies with their gender, as well as how they may define that gender to themselves & others. Miller, in a 2011 study, found that participants who did not identify as a sexual minority had “no concept of sexual identity, but rather, dis-identification” from queer labels, and that they lacked a “salient sexual identity” (1). While this finding was only in terms of sexual orientation, I hypothesized that the results may be similar when comparing gender minorities to cisgender individuals. This point is further proven in Silva’s “Bud-Sex,” where it was found that many men, upon being asked to describe their genders, listed their “mannerisms, behaviors, communication styles, hobbies, and skills” (2), rather than internal feelings. I texted several of my friends, as well as my friends’ friends, and asked them one of two questions depending on whether they are cis or not cis. For cis women, I asked the question, “Can you briefly explain how you know you are a woman?” and for non-cis individuals, I asked “Can you briefly describe how you experience gender, and how you know you identify as your gender?” As a disclaimer, I must warn the reader that my friends are all leftist/liberal, are queer or surrounded by queer individuals, and are college students or recent college graduates (and I would also like to remind the reader that some of these respondents are people I do not associate with and continue to choose to not associate with). Unsurprisingly, many of the cis respondents were able to stick to the “brief” aspect of my question, while the noncis participants often had much more elaborate answers. For the sake of brevity, I will paraphrase or summarize for some participants, especially for one individual who, instead of sending me a paragraph, sent me a 4 minute long voice memo. We will begin with the 7 cishet respondents: 1. “Wdym?” 2. Because she has a vagina. 3. She feels a strong connection to femininity as it is what she was taught, but also feels disconnected from masculinity and “male culture” despite having some masculine traits. She finds peace and comfort in relationships with other women, and enjoys participating in “uniquely female experiences.” She finds that femininity is associated with our culture & media, and that she is not above gender roles and stereotypes but does not limit herself to them. 4. She knows she is a woman because she was assigned female at birth, likes “girly” things, gets her period, and is perceived as a woman. She notes the lack of nuance in her answer is a result of cis people never being asked to justify their identity. 5. She knows a lot of non-binary people, and upon hearing their experiences and their changing perspectives of gender, realized that she did not feel the same and felt security in identifying as a woman. 6. She does not identify with how non-binary people describe they feel “almost like their personality is crawling under their skin when they don’t feel like their biological gender.” In addition, imagining being male is “fucking wild to [her] and strange, so it’s like if [she’s] not that, then [she’s] this.” Also notes it’s “something [she doesn’t] feel but unconsciously [appreciates].” 7. When she was young, her parents told her she was a girl and she “had long hair and wore dresses and played with dolls.” Now she “resonates with and tries to present with what most of society associates femininity with.” Describes enjoying “periods, boobs, girly things.” Also feels forced to feel like a woman because of the “predatory nature of men.” The 4 cis (some of these are questionable?) & queer respondents: 1. “i remember i tried out she/they pronouns for a day and someone referred to me by they and something deep inside me was like YOU ARE WOMAN GO BACK TO SHE/HER. but when thinking about it deeper its more about feeling cis rather (1)
Miller, K., & Ryan, J. M. (2011). Design, development and testing of the NHIS sexual identity question.
(2)
Silva, T. (2017). Bud-Sex: Constructing Normative Masculinity among Rural Straight Men That Have Sex With Men. Gender & Society, 31(1), 51-73. https://doi.org/10.1177/0891243216679934
007
A BRIEF INTERMISSION: “WDYM?”
008
This 4 letter response is all it takes to reveal how differently we must live our lives, how we are the only ones to question something which is never questioned, how easy it is for them to live in their bodies and take that ease for granted. Have you really never felt disgusted by the nature of the husk you live in? Never felt the inclination to saw off parts of your body? What’s it like? If we switched bodies would you feel it then? Would you avoid speaking so as to avoid hearing my voice, medically altered by a subcutaneous injection once per week? Would you desperately shave off all my leg hair, my facial hair, my arm hair, in an attempt to return to what felt right? Would you never take my shirt off, even at the beach, to never be reminded of the flatness that lies underneath? Would you be able to prove to everyone that the body you reside in belongs to a girl?
009
than feeling woman, like i feel comfortable with how i biologically present and tend to desire to look more feminine. when i read about the trans experience i don’t identify with that” 2. “i think it has mostly come from a social understanding of womanhood - one i’ve always felt i not only identified with but belonged to. when i see common experiences/modes of thinking associated with being and/or presenting as a woman, i almost always feel understood and seen - because i feel the majority of these common experiences are rooted in inequality. i’ve never not felt a sense of union and belonging with the many experiences shared amongst other women - it’s a core of how i operate and view the world.” 3. “dude u are not asking the right person. i have been absolutely perplexed abt my gender since the age of 12” 4. “not sure I totally identify as a woman. I feel like gender is about what makes me feel the best and what I want society to perceive me as. Growing up, the people I wanted to be like were all women. The moments of gender euphoria I experienced as a kid were very much related to femininity–ballet, gymnastics, wearing dresses all the time. I think my understanding of myself and my gender has shifted as I’ve grown older, but gender was one of the aspects of my life I didn’t question, because being a girl and a woman never made me feel awful. Externally, of course I’ve experienced sexism, but I feel like my gender is myself, and I’m confident in who I am, and who “myself” is relates a lot to what a “woman” is. And I’ve realized that I hate being called a man or referred to with he/him pronouns but outside of that I really don’t mind?” She also notes that much of her rumination was a result of being surrounded by trans individuals. Now, the 5 non-cis respondents: 1. This individual uses she/they–”it’s actually a winded question because i don’t feel like i really have a concept of gender sometimes lmao bc i’ve been like a “tomboy” all my life but didn’t feel any gender euphoria or want to be a male or have male parts so i’ve just stuck with mostly on the fem side of the line and still identify with and enjoy traditionally female aspects and enjoyments. however i’ve started to lean more toward she/they just because of the feeling of lack of true fem identification so i just feel like i exist period and i can express and enjoy whatever i want. but i never lean towards he/him because i simply don’t feel that euphoria or dysphoria of my current body” 2. This individual uses they/she– “When I first questioned my gender identity, I sought solace in the online queer community, finding a stark contrast to the cisgender norms prevalent in my high school. An author study project on Virginia Woolf’s “Orlando” in 11th grade opened my eyes to the fluidity of gender and the performative nature of identity. I realized that my discomfort with the label “woman” stemmed from societal expectations in my small rural hometown. Although I find joy in embracing femininity, identifying strictly as a woman feels conflicting due to societal pressures. Today, proudly identifying as nonbinary, I embrace the fluidity of my gender, recognizing the performative aspects and weaving a colorful tapestry that reflects my authentic self within the supportive arms of the queer community.” 3. This individual uses they/them and is transmasculine–felt uncomfortable in girls’ clothes as a child, discovered boys’ clothes and finally felt comfortable, felt extreme anxiety about the idea of puberty to the point of insomnia, which eventually turned into suicidal ideation. In middle school, they thought they were a trans man and wished they were born a man, but was not yet aware of being non-binary. In high school, they came across the idea “gender is a spectrum” and felt comfort in that. Now they feel a connection to being non-binary and enjoy that they went through the process of transitioning. 4. This individual uses he/they and is transmasculine–he does not feel comfortable in a woman’s body, and is made uncomfortable with being called “she.” He has always been attracted to men but it never felt “heterosexual,” and once he discovered his gender identity he also began to feel a connection to gay men. 5. This individual uses
he/him and is a trans man–”I started to realize that my gender assigned at birth did not fit me in elementary school. When I would get up in the morning to go to school, I would feel an overwhelming sense of disgust with myself, especially when getting dressed. I didn’t know what was wrong at the time, but as I went through puberty and eventually attended an all-girls high school, I continued to feel worse and worse. I eventually became very depressed, but for a long time was treated more for a mental illness than for the root cause. Now that I have been transitioning for about 4 to 5 years, I do not feel disgusted with myself quite as often. However, there are still parts of me that identify with my previous gender. I believe a large part of gender identity is not only how you want to perceive yourself, but also how you want to be perceived by others. While I feel comfortable perceiving myself as a man, I recognize that men are often perceived as threatening (not that I am very threatening-looking). While I still want to be perceived as a man, in certain moments, I would like to appear less threatening and maybe more feminine, for lack of a better term.” Out of curiosity, I also asked a cis man this question, to see how his response would compare with those of the interviewed transmasculine individuals. His response is the following: “i don’t really have any good answer for that to be honest. i don’t feel compelled to many of the stereotypical manly things. despite that i think somehow it just feels like the default that doesn’t feel wrong enough for me to want to change it.” Now, comparing this to Miller’s findings with sexual minorities and non-minorities, we see that 3/7 (45%) of the cishet participants, 2/4 (50%) of the queer cisgender participants, and all of the trans participants mention feeling a disidentification from one or multiple genders. To measure the saliency of an individual’s gender identity, more subjectivity must be used. Saliency scores will be grouped into “strong lack of saliency” (for scores of -2 or higher), “lack of saliency” (for scores of -1 to 0), “salient” (for scores of 1), and “strong saliency” (for scores of (2 or higher). Factors indicating saliency are rumination prior to receiving the question (+1), feelings of gender dysphoria/euphoria (+1), and elaborate responses (+1). Factors indicating a lack of saliency are the use of their assigned sex to prove their identity (-1), no expression of prior rumination on the topic (-1), and simple responses (-1). For the cishet group, participant #1’s response scored -2 (no prior rumination, simple response). Participant #2 scored -2 (simple response and resorts to her biological features). Participant #3 scored 1 (elaborate response, feelings of gender euphoria, no prior rumination). Participant #4 scored -2 (uses biological features, no prior rumination). Participant #5 scored 0 (cites potential gender dysphoria, no prior rumination). Participant #6 scored 2 (prior rumination, imagines gender dysphoria). Participant #7 scored 0 (no prior rumination, gender euphoria). For the cis and queer group, participant #1 scored 1 (prior rumination). Participant #2 scored 1 (gender euphoria). Participant #3 scored 1 (prior rumination. This response receives an exception for “simple response” due to the implication that there was a withheld complex response). Participant #4 scored 3 (gender euphoria, prior rumination, elaborate response). For the trans group, participant #1 scored 1 (prior rumination). Participant #2 scored 3 (prior rumination, elaborate response, gender euphoria/ dysphoria). Participant #3 scored 3 (prior rumination, gender euphoria/dysphoria, elaborate response). Participant #4 scored 2 (gender euphoria/dysphoria, prior rumination). Participant #5 scored 2 (gender dysphoria, prior rumination). Very early into this series of interviews, I found that the responses of cisgender people who are queer and cisgender people who are straight were quite different from each other. As such, I began collecting three categories of responses, rather than two. The cishet individuals often acknowledged that their responses had little nuance (or simply just had little nuance) as a result of having infrequent (or no) rumina-
GENDER IDENTITY SALIENCY SCORES FOR QUEER + CIS RESPONDENTS
GENDER IDENTITY SALIENCY SCORES FOR CISHET RESPONDENTS
3
# OF PARTICIPANTS
# OF PARTICIPANTS
3
2
1
0
-3
-2
-1
0
1
2
2
1
0
3
-3
-2
SCORE
0
SCORE
GENDER IDENTITY SALIENCY SCORES FOR TRANS RESPONDENTS
# OF PARTICIPANTS
3
2
1
0
-3
-2
-1
0
SCORE
012
-1
1
2
3
1
2
3
tions about their gender. One described the experience as being “like a pop-quiz.” Compare this to cisgender queer respondents, many of whom expressed having a confusing relationship with their gender, but ultimately settled on labeling themselves as being women. One possible explanation for this is that as a result of being queer, these individuals are more likely to be in close proximity to more transgender individuals, resulting in their development of nuanced views of their gender. Another explanation for this difference may be related to Monique Wittig’s argument that lesbians are not women–they are “something else, a not-woman, a not-man, a product of society,” as “the refusal to become (or to remain) heterosexual always meant to refuse to become a man or a woman, consciously or not” (2). It is not hard to imagine that after one has gone through the process of understanding their sexuality and taking on a non-normative label, they may also begin dissecting their gender and re-evaluating what being a “woman” means. When comparing these findings to Miller’s framework, feelings of dis-identification seem to be more often found in trans individuals than cis individuals. This intuitively makes sense, given how trans people struggle with the discomforts of gender dysphoria. Based on my measure of gender identity saliency, it still holds true that cis individuals generally are more likely to lack a salient gender identity, while trans individuals are likely to have salient gender identities. Overall, the data is almost certainly skewed due to the group sampled. On a larger scale we may see differences in the results, though I suspect they will follow a similar pattern. It is also currently unclear whether cis men and women experience this differently, though it is likely, given that discrimination on the basis of gender is still widespread. It is possible that women may feel more of a sense of community amongst themselves due to their shared struggles, which could manifest as gender euphoria (though the fact that this is gender euphoria is often unknown to them). These results highlight the neccessity of community for trans individuals. While cisgender allies are valuable, they often cannot replace having connections with other queer people due to their lack of understanding.
(3)
Wittig, M. (1981). One Is Not Born a Woman.
013
FRAGMENTS OF THE PAST Harry Allen (1882-1922) was a vagrant from the Pacific Northwest featured in numerous newspapers for his ongoing series of petty crimes. His mother seemed to be supportive of his transition, allowing him to wear masculine clothing and calling him by his chosen name, “Harry,” from a young age. On September 26, 1911, Allen was arrested. The police chief forced him to choose between solitary confinement or wearing a dress, and he continuously refused. He was eventually released from jail. Allen later died in 1922 from syphilitic meningitis.
Images sourced fromatlasobscura.com/articles/trans-history-wild-west
014
015
@DOLOR.O ON INSTAGRAM
016
MASCULINITY
I lived as a man for 2 years before I began to find the gender unsettling. At some point, I became indistinguishable from a cis man to the untrained eye, and upon realizing this, I felt as though I was disappearing. The kinship I felt with women was not reciprocated, and my male friends revealed a different side of them to me—a side that was hidden from women. I listened as they turned my friends into sexual objects, dehumanizing them and turning them into just one of many people that they wanted to get into bed with. I imagine that many trans men reject the idea of embodying the male idea of masculinity, whether consciously or subconsciously. Its nature is quite vile; one can expect nothing less from a concept rooted in dominance. While many men try to escape the negative aspects of masculinity, many more succumb to it, or even rely on displaying it for their own well-being. After transitioning, I became constantly aware of my position in this group, and watched as the notions and preconceived ideas that people had of me morphed into something more sinister. Anzani found that transmasculine individuals often do not conform to hegemonic masculinity, not complying with the societal pressures to hide their emotions, refusing to express power over women, and refusing to maintain a heterosexual presentation (1). Generally, it was found that transmasculine people do not endorse all the dimensions of masculinity that cisgender men tend to endorse. As transmasculine people, we must forge a new kind of masculinity for ourselves, once which is not rooted in dominance and hegemony. If one were to transition just to assimilate with these structures of power, they would fail not only themselves, but their community, who fought against those same structures to allow them to have the right to transition.
(1)
Anzani, A., Decaro, S.P. & Prunas, A. Trans Masculinity: Comparing Trans Masculine Individuals’ and Cisgender Men’s Conformity to Hegemonic Masculinity. Sex Res Soc Policy 20, 539–547 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-021-00677-5
017
RESOURCES GLAAD is a non-profit agency working to further improve LGBT rights in the USA. They hold events, fund research, and work with the media to achieve this goal. https://glaad.org/.
The Trevor Project is a suicide prevention non-profit organization which primarily serves LGBT youth. They provide counselors, have a hotline, and have some in-person spaces where queer youth can meet others like them. https:// www.thetrevorproject.org/
Trans Lifeline is a hotline ran by trans people, so trans people in crisis can connect with other trans people who understand them. https://translifeline. org/
The Massachussetts Transgender Political Coalition supports transgender individuals through workshops, leadership academies, access to gender affirming products, and more. https:// www.masstpc.org/
018
SOURCES & BACKGROUND INFO ANZANI, A., DECARO, S.P. & PRUNAS, A. 2023. “TRANS MASCULINITY: COMPARING TRANS MASCULINE INDIVIDUALS’ AND CISGENDER MEN’S CONFORMITY TO HEGEMONIC MASCULINITY.” SEX RES SOC POLICY 20, 539–547. HTTPS:// DOI.ORG/10.1007/S13178-021-00677-5 AUSTIN, A., CRAIG, S. L., D’SOUZA, S., & MCINROY, L. B. (2022). SUICIDALITY AMONG TRANSGENDER YOUTH: ELUCIDATING THE ROLE OF INTERPERSONAL RISK FACTORS. JOURNAL OF INTERPERSONAL VIOLENCE, 37(5-6), NP2696– NP2718. HTTPS://DOI.ORG/10.1177/0886260520915554 BANKS, BECK. 2021. “A VISIBLE ABSENCE: TRANSMASCULINE PEOPLE ON THE SCREEN.” PARTICIPATIONS, JOURNAL OF AUDIENCE & RECEPTION STUDIES. VOLUME 18, ISSUE 1. CAMPBELL-MONTALVO, REBECCA, ET AL. 2022. “SEXUAL AND GENDER MINORITY UNDERGRADUATES’ RELATIONSHIPS AND STRATEGIES FOR MANAGING FIT IN STEM.” PLOS. HTTPS://DOI.ORG/10.1371/JOURNAL. PONE.0263561 KOROBACZ, R. J., & COOK, P. S. 2022. “ENGINEERING MASCULINITY: A MULTIMODAL CRITICAL DISCOURSE ANALYSIS OF TRANS MASCULINE EMBODIMENT IN MAGAZINES FOR TRANS MEN.” JOURNAL OF SOCIOLOGY, 0(0). HTTPS:// DOI.ORG/10.1177/14407833221099982 MILLER, K., & RYAN, J. M. (2011). DESIGN, DEVELOPMENT AND TESTING OF THE NHIS SEXUAL IDENTITY QUESTION. POLOVNEFF, ALEXANDRA O., ET AL. 2023. “AN EXAMINATION OF INSURANCE POLICIES ON MASCULINIZING GENDER-AFFIRMING TOP SURGERY FOR NONBINARY AND GENDER-DIVERSE PATIENTS: POTENTIAL FOR DISCRIMINATION.” JPRAS VOLUME 83, P487-489, AUGUST 2023. HTTPS://DOI.ORG/10.1016/J.BJPS.2023.06.052. RACHITA SOOD, DIANE CHEN, ABIGAIL L. MULDOON, LIQI CHEN, MARY J. KWASNY, LISA K. SIMONS, NOOPUR GANGOPADHYAY, JULIA F. CORCORAN, SUMANAS W. JORDAN. 2021. “ASSOCIATION OF CHEST DYSPHORIA WITH ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION IN TRANSMASCULINE AND NONBINARY ADOLESCENTS SEEKING GENDER-AFFIRMING CARE.” JOURNAL OF ADOLESCENT HEALTH. VOLUME 68, ISSUE 6, 2021, PAGES 1135-1141. SILVA, T. (2017). BUD-SEX: CONSTRUCTING NORMATIVE MASCULINITY AMONG RURAL STRAIGHT MEN THAT HAVE SEX WITH MEN. GENDER & SOCIETY, 31(1), 51-73. HTTPS://DOI.ORG/10.1177/0891243216679934 WITTIG, M. (1981). ONE IS NOT BORN A WOMAN. HTTPS://PARADE.COM/LIVING/LESBIAN-BARS HTTPS://EN.WIKIPEDIA.ORG/WIKI/HARRY_ALLEN_(TRANS_MAN) “1994 FTM TRANS PRIDE,” DAVID HARRISON, DIGITALTRANSGENDERARCHIVE.NET/FILES/5X21TF694 @DOLOR.O ON INSTAGRAM FROMATLASOBSCURA.COM/ARTICLES/TRANS-HISTORY-WILD-WEST “GENDER DYSPHORIA,” SKOTO ART, SKOTOART.COM IMAGES NOT CITED LICENSED & SOURCED FROM ADOBE STOCK
019
020