Inside: Your Three-Page Gift Guide to the Best in Music 2010! "Dancing to Architecture", p. 13
CHALLENGE The Newsletter of the Gay Activist Alliance in Morris County – Serving New Jersey’s GLBTI Communities Since 1972
Volume 36, Issue 10, Winter 2010
So Long, Farewell... by Andy Skurna
This is my last “From the Chair” article, at least for a while. By the time the next issue of Challenge is published, GAAMC will have a new president. I would like to thank each and every member, guest, and supporter of GAAMC for their contributions to the amazing journey that has been the past two years. I would like to thank my fellow Board Trustees for their trust and support. My friends, together we have seen many changes, suffered some losses and even enjoyed some advances. We have lost some dear GAAMC members, like David, Doug, and Carol. We have gained some new friends and members, too. Back in the early 2009 we had only one discussion group, Circles. Today we have Circles, OpenTalk, Mature Men’s Group, and a brand new Spirituality Group. We have had guest speakers, performers and educators from all walks of life. We’ve hosted about 18 socials, with probably 900 or more guests – that’s a lot of brownies. We’ve hosted fundraisers and produced concerts, live readings, and shows big and small. At Garden State Equality’s Legends Dinner in February, 2009, we heard Governor Corzine promise marriage equality only to have this basic human right denied us in January of 2010. President Obama’s term as president began about 2 weeks after mine. Our country and a few others were giddy with a sense of hope for a change in direction. 18 or 20 months later, it seemed too many had become impatient with the leader of the free world. Let us all pray that the pendulum that was swung with such force on November 2nd, doesn’t wipe out the advances we have made in the past two years. There are also many people to thank for helping me through some major changes in my personal life. Since early 2009, I have ended the longest relationship of my life. I lost the briefest, but most passionate of loves, the one I thought was “the one.” The friends and other connections I made through GAAMC literally saved my life. And I hope and pray that I am now at a place where I can begin anew. Speaking of new beginnings, we’re at the dawn of a new year, with its promise of a new Board of Trustees. We are already lining up resources to launch a Youth Support Project, which may be the first in a series. Someone has expressed an interest in leading a w o m e n ’s d i s c u s s i o n group. We have already chosen our focus and started soliciting articles for Pride Guide 2011-2012. Our Program Committee is scheduling January and February programs.
Our nation has a new Congress. Members of our community in some states and some nations have new access to rights the rest of their societies have enjoyed. Right here, in NJ, we have a new law regarding anti-bullying policies at colleges and universities, created in memory of Tyler Clementi, the young man whose suicide focused our nation’s attention on torment our youth have endured so long. In November 2009’s New England Journal of Medicine results of a test were published showing that HIV negative men who took daily antiretroviral medications, normally prescribed to HIV/AIDS patients, showed a 90% reduction in the number of HIV infections. Our neighbors in New York have a governor who promised to bring marriage equality to the Empire State. Right here at home, Lambda Legal and many others continue the battle to see to fruition our Supreme Court’s ruling that same-sex couples get all the rights of different-sex couples. Please join me in thanking the members and supporters who have kept GAAMC dynamic for the past two years. Please offer your support to those who have stepped up to volunteer their service for the next one or two years. We will hold elections on December 13, 2010. Here is the prospective list of Trustees for 2011: President, Mickey; Treasurer, Andy; Secretary, Gordon; Community Trustee (one year term), Kerry, Marty, Mitch; and Community Trustee (two year term), Alexa, Claire, Sean.
Inside Challenge Challenge Information................. page 2 GAAMC Events........................... page 2 The Bulletin Board..................... page 3 This Month's Contributors............. page 3 Gleanings................................. page 4 Letter to the Editor .................... page 5 SHADOWS.................................page 5 Calendar .................................. page 7 My Son Was Gay....................... page 11 A Message of Hope for LGBT Youth from LEAGUE......................... page 11 New Bisexual Social Support Group .......................................... page 12 Dancing to Architecture............. page 13 GAAMC Information................... page 16
Page 2 CHALLENGE Winter 2010 CHALLENGE Volume 36, Number 10 Winter 2010 ISSN 0277-1675 Staff Editor .....................Allen Neuner Assistant Editor ............. Bill Stella Advertising Manager ............. open Circulation Manager ............. open List Manager ................ Sue Harris Submissions The deadline for all articles, inserts, and advertisements is the fifteenth of the previous month. All submissions must be provided as electronic files. E-mail submissions to Challenge @ GAAMC.org. Ad Rates Single issue: Full page, $125.00; Half page, $85.00; Quarter page, $45.00; Business card, $25.00. For multi-issue rates, contact the Editor at Challenge @ GAAMC.org. GAAMC members may place one free classified ad per month, of no more than 200 characters in length. Change of Address Please let us know your new address! All address changes should be sent to the List Manager at ChangeAddress @ GAAMC.org. Challenge is © 2010-2011 by the Gay Activist Alliance in Morris County, a 501(c)3 tax-exempt not-for-profit corporation. All rights reserved. All articles reflect the views of the original contributors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or policies of GAAMC, its officers, or executive board. All copyrights revert to the original contributors upon publication. No portion of this publication may be reproduced without the express written permission of the contributor. All articles, contributions, and advertisements are printed at the discretion of the Editor and/or GAAMC Executive Board.
GAAMC Events Every Monday OpenTalk Discussion Group This is a regular weekly discussion group, open to all. Moderators: Elias Scultori, Kerry Dinkin, Sherri Rase. 7:00, Library Circles-NJ Discussion Group This is a closed discussion group, lasting roughly eight weeks, with a limited number of participants. 7:00, room TBA Spirituality Group This is a group exploring both Buddhist meditation in the Rinzai/ Soto tradition (1st and 3rd Mondays) and Shaman Journeying (2nd and 4th Mondays). Sessions start November 1st. 6:45, room TBA First Monday of the Month Mature Men's Discussion Group This is a monthly discussion group geared to men age 45 and above. Moderator: Marty Grifone. Discussion topics: December 6, "Erectile Dysfunction"; January 3, "Managing One's Finances; February 7, "Avoiding Cabin Fever". 7:00, Terrace Room Main Events December 6: GAAMC Chorus presents Reindeer Tracks! Your favorite singers form the GAAMC Chorus and they will regale you with favorites from several holidays. And as if that’s not enough, there will be a Karaoke party hosted by Walker von Folds III and Perry Riff! What a great way to start a season of winter holidays! December 13: GAAMC Elections and gala GAAMC Holiday Show! GAAMC elects its board and officers on the second Monday of December. Make certain your membership has been renewed as you need to be a member in good standing to vote and to run! As if that wasn’t important enough, following the election is the Holiday Show hosted by Mr. Scarlett O’Hara and featuring a talented group of performers including you! Sign up now via Info @ GAAMC.org and come play the piano, sing, do a puppet show, or display your talent as we all celebrate a beautiful season of love and joy! December 20: No holiday would be complete without a GAAMC Holiday Social! Are you over your family? Your spouse? Your kids? Come enjoy a throwdown as only GAAMC can do in the spacious and gracious Terrace Room at Historic Thorne Oaks, which you may know as the Morristown Unitarian Fellowship! December 27: The trees and snowmen and Chanukah lights and Kwanzaa and Solstice candles are all put away. Winter is fully upon us and GAAMC celebrates the restful part of the holidays with a special film. Bring your slippers and prepare to celebrate a job well done, and bank your energies for the New Year! And what a great time to make a tax-deductible donation to GAAMC to make sure landmark programs like the $1.98 Beauty Pageant and Shakespeare in August continue! January 3: Happy New Year 2011, everyone! We’re in high resolution mode and it's that time when you, dear members and guests, determine what course GAAMC will follow in the next year. Whether you would like to take the helm or pitch in as a hand, the ship of GAAMC needs you! January 10: Join GAAMC for our first Film Festival event of the year. Edie and Thea, A Very Long Engagement, was a darling of Q-Fest in Summer 2010 in Philadelphia. Come see this story of love and triumph, passion and pain, that spans decades. This is a red-letter day on your calendar - don’t miss this amazing story! January 17, January 24, and January 31: Not available at press time. Check the events listings at GAAMC.org! Coming Next Month! February 7: Not available at press time. Check the events listings at GAAMC.org! February 14: Valentine's Day Social. Tonight's the night for romance, flirtation, infatuation - and maybe even love! The Social Committee plans to make this a very sweet evening indeed!
Winter 2010 CHALLENGE Page 3
The Bulletin Board GAAMC's new Spirituality Group meets weekly every Monday night at GAAMC! The group will be studying Buddhist meditation in the Rinzai/Soto tradition on the 1st and 3rd Mondays; participants are encouraged to bring their own cushions or benches. Shaman Journeying will be on the 2nd and 4th Mondays; participants are asked to bring a bandana that you are willing to cut up. For all group meetings, you must be present by 6:45 pm, without exception. For more information, or if you are a beginner who needs instruction, contact Sean Byrne at Spirituality @ GAAMC.org. Our Youth will host two events in during the 1st week of December in recognition of World AIDS Day 2010. On Wednesday, December 1st, Our Youth and St. John’s Lutheran Church presents “A Night of Remembrance”, featuring a candlelight vigil and memorial service honoring and remembering those that have lost the fight to HIV/AIDS. This event will take place at 6 pm. On Saturday, December 4th, will be Our Youth’s 5th annual “AIDS is a DRAG, WRAP it UP!” benefit to educate the community on HIV/AIDS, raise funds for Our Youth, and honor those that have helped Our Youth and the LGBT community throughout the year. This event, which includes dinner and a star-studded show, will take place at 5:30 pm. Advance tickets are $7; admission at the door is $10. All money raised will go towards the Our Youth 2011 Diversity Scholarship. Both events are being held at St. John's Lutheran Church, 155 North St., Jersey City. For more information, contact Our Youth at (201) 839 – 5869 or via email at ouryouth2006 @ yahoo.com. The George Street Playhouse invites you to a Pride Party on Friday, December 10th! The fun starts at 6:30 pm with a pre-show dinner, with drinks, door prizes, and live entertainment, followed by the evening performance of [title of show], the new musical about the making of a new musical. The allinclusive ticket price is $50, with student tickets selling for $20! For more information, or to order tickets, call 732846-2895, ext. 155, or go online to www.GSPonline.org and mention the word "PRIDE" (for regular tickets) or "PRIDESTUDENT" (for student tickets). Paper Mill Playhouse invites you to their next Lavender Night event for the LGBTI community on Sunday, December 19th. Lavender Night begins at 5:30 pm with a private pre-show cocktail party in the F. M. Kirby Carriage House across the courtyard from the theatre, featuring delicious hors d'oeuvres from New World Catering, specialty cocktails, and a selection of fine wines. Immediately following the party is the evening performance of Les Misérables at 7:00pm. Admission prices, ranging from $56 to $84, include entry to the party and tickets to the performance. To reserve your tickets, contact Group Sales by calling 973.379.3636 ext. 2438 or email Kendell Henle at KHenle @ papermill.org by Friday, December 17th. Jersey City's Chillfest Film Series continues its sixth season with Children of God. Set during the time of 2004's Rosie
O'Donnell gay family cruise of the Caribbean, the film follows four Bahamians setting out on journeys away from the frenetic energy of Nassau to the slower-paced, more open island of Eleuthera, including a suicidal, obsessive/compulsive young white artist and a conservative 40-year-old anti-gay activist. The film will be screened at LITM in Jersey City on November 14th at 4 pm. For more information, or to order tickets, go to www.chillfest.org.
This Month's Contributors Frederina "Freddi" Jensen, of Houston, Texas, is a straight mother of a deceased g a y s o n . Freddi is founder of HealingOutLoud.org and a budding activist and public speaker. Professionally, Freddi travels nationwide, training legal staff in the use of proprietary software s o l u t i o n s . Email: Freddi @ HealingOutLoud.org. Daphne Kanellopoulos has had a wide array of writing and editing experience both in print and online publishing. She has volunteered in an editorial capacity with organizations such as the George Street Co-op and the Pride Center of New Jersey. She has submitted articles to publications such as Out In Jersey. She has also had a staged reading of her one-act play, Flip. Check out her blog, http://daphnekanellopoulos.blogspot.com/, for links to her articles. Daphne also hosts a writer's group at Nighthawk Books in Highland Park on the second and fourth Friday of the month from 7:30 to 9:00. Charlie Murphy is a past president of GAAMC and currently serves as the head of the Social Committee. Tony Puma: A career in sales/marketing/advertising and public relations influence my poetry style: less abstract and more to-the-point. Degrees from New York University and Fairleigh Dickinson University. A member of various poetry groups including Italian-American Writers Association, Red Wheel Barrow Poets, Paulinskill Poetry Project, Poets House (NYC), South Mountain Poets, and Hudson Valley Poets-on- the-Loose. A view of life through the prism of poetry; seeing, hearing, and feeling, trying to capture emotions and relate them via words. Bill Realman Stella writes Dancing to Architecture because writing about music is like that. He hosted the eclectic pop music show Highest Common Denominator in his mind for twenty years before getting it on the radio for six, and will host it again. Bill has been collecting music since age 4, when for each song he'd hear on the radio, he'd ask his mom, "Do they have a record?" Making a record good enough to play on the radio remains a small miracle after all these years. If you'd like Bill to write, DJ, or promote for you, get in touch. Comments and suggestions also welcome. Please send your correspondences to bearealman @ gmail.com.
Page 4 CHALLENGE Winter 2010
Gleanings
Queer news from around the world The New Jersey Legislature passed a groundbreaking anti-bullying bill, strengthening existing anti-harassment laws and creating tough new standards for schools in handling and reporting occurrences of bullying, as well as mandating schools to create and display anti-bullying policies. The bill passed unanimously in the Senate; the vote in the Assembly was 74-1, with Assemblyman Michael Patrick Carroll (R-Morristown) casting the only 'no' vote. The bill now heads to Governor Chris Christie (R), who has not indicated if he will sign it. (The Times (Trenton))
law. The Department of Justice is currently appealing a July federal court decision that found DOMA unconstitutional. (New York Times; Metro Weekly (Washington DC)) A Republican super-majority in New Hampshire's House of Representatives will be seeking an end to legal samesex marriage in that state. The anti-gay National Organization for Marriage is promising to mount a massive repeal drive in the state. (Edge Publications)
Two recently-elected North Carolina legislators say Michigan assistant state attorney Andrew Shirvell has they'll work to ban marriage equality in that state's Genbeen fired following an investieral Assembly, now under Regation into his anti-gay online publican control. Representa"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Roundup campaign against University of tive Bill Cook (R) and Senator Michigan student body president Louis Pate (R) favor a constituChristopher Armstrong. Attorney Most military personnel surveyed by the Pentagon tional amendment banning General Mike Cox said Shirvell about rescinding the "don't ask, don't tell" policy said same-sex marriage in the state. used state resources inappropri- they would not be opposed to serving with openly gay In recent years, Democratic ately and lied to investigators and lesbian colleagues. Almost three-quarters of those lawmakers have been able to about his a c t i o n s . surveyed, including active duty and reserve troops, said block a vote on the issue. repealing the policy would have positive, mixed, or no (WITN-TV (Washington, NC)) (AnnArbor.com) effects on the military, and would not damage ongoing Openly gay student-teacher Seth US military operations. Maryland state Senator RichStambaugh was reinstated after ard Madaleno (D) is optimistic parents protested the decision of Defense Secretary Robert Gates expressed his support about the chances the state Portland, OR school officials to for repealing the policy, favoring congressional legisla- will adopt a marriage equality dismiss him for his answer to a tion rather than court decisions. bill in the first quarter of fourth grader's question. When 2011. Madaleno's optimism is the student asked why Stam- R. Clarke Cooper, executive director of Log Cabin Re- fueled by an increased Demobaugh was not married, he re- publicans, called on the White House to reach out more cratic majority in the state plied he could not legally marry to make repeal happen. Senate and three additional because he would choose to openly gay/lesbian members of marry another man. (Willamette Senator John McCain (R-AZ) claims the survey is not the House of Delegates. Govsufficient because it focused on how to implement a ernor Martin O'Malley (D) has (OR) Weekly; The Oregonian) new policy, rather than whether the policy should be vowed to sign a marriage The American Library Associa- changed. equality bill. tion has established the Stone(GayPolitics.com) wall Children's and Young Adult A federal appeals court panel ruled that the US miliLiterature Award, honoring supe- tary may continue discharging personnel under the Illinois state Representative rior literature for young people "don't ask, don't tell" policy while it appeals a lower Greg Harris (D) has introduced that reflects the experiences of court decision striking down the policy as unconstitu- a bill establishing civil unions gays and lesbians. ALA President tional. The ruling may increase pressure on the Senate in that state. The openly gay Robert Stevens said children's to pass a defense appropriations bill with a repeal of Harris expects the bill to rebooks "are critical tools in the policy during its lame-duck session. The United ceive a vote before the end of teaching tolerance, acceptance, States Supreme Court refused to reverse the decision; the year. Prospects for the bill and the importance of diversity." the reversal had been requested by the Log Cabin Re- improved with the re-election publicans, plaintiffs in the case. (New York Times) of Governor Pat Quinn (D), who supports the measure. (The Florida has ended its 33-year (Washington Post; The Politico; New York Times) Huffington Post) ban on adoptions by gays and lesbians. State Attorney General Bill McCollum said he Benedictine University, a Catholic college in Springwould not appeal a ruling by a state appellate court that field, IL, is standing by its decision to remove Laine Tadfound the law is unconstitutional. (CNN) lock from her position as director of education programs. The firing took place after an announcement of Two new federal lawsuits challenging the constitutionalher marriage to partner Kae Helstrom was published in a ity of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) have been filed local paper. The school claimed, "aspects of her lifeby the Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders and the style are incompatible with fundamental Catholic beAmerican Civil Liberties Union. The two separate suits liefs." (Chicago Sun-Times) are being filed on behalf of legally-married same-sex (continued on next page) couples whose unions are not recognized under federal
Winter 2010 CHALLENGE Page 5 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has allowed C-SPAN to A preoperative transgender woman was arrested in broadcast live on television the December 6 appeals proHouston, TX for using the women's restroom at the main ceedings in the Proposition 8 constitutionality case. The city library. Tyinae Moore's arrest appears to conflict with original trial had been slated for Houston's nondiscrimination polbroadcast, but the plan was Election Roundup icy, enacted earlier this year by blocked by the United States SuMayor Annise Parker, which preme Court after Prop 8 support- Three Iowa Supreme Court justices who supported permits people to use restrooms ers objected. (Washington Post) the marriage rights of same-sex couples were voted according to their gender idenout of office, after a campaign in which the anti-gay tity regardless of their biological Polls in Australia show a majority National Organization for Marriage spearheaded and sex. (Dallas Voice) supports marriage rights for same- helped fund a removal campaign. sex couples, increasing pressure on Philadelphia has settled its Prime Minister Julia Gillard (La- Providence, RI mayor David Cicilline (D) was elected lawsuit against the Boy Scouts bour) to change her party's posi- to the House of Representatives, becoming the fourth by selling the organization the tion on the issue. Two-thirds of openly gay member of Congress. building they had been using Labour voters support marriage for the past 80 years at belowequality, compared with 57% of Construction-company executive Jim Gray (D) was market rates. By doing so, the the general population. (Austra- elected mayor of Lexington, KY by a solid margin over city avoids having to pay over lian Broadcasting Corporation) incumbent Jim Newberry. $1 million to the Scouts in legal fees. The settlement has been A Ugandan judge has ordered a Victoria Kolakowski, elected in California's Alameda criticized by some local activtabloid paper to stop publishing County, made history by becoming the country's first ists. (Philadelphia Inquirer; lists of the names of people it out transgender judge. Philadelphia Gay News) claims are gay along with their pictures. Managing Editor Giles Republican gay group GOProud released statistics The New England Journal of Muhame of the newspaper Roll- claiming that 31% of self-identifying gays voted Re- Medicine reported a breaking Stone (no relation to the US publican in the recent election. through in AIDS prevention. magazine) said, "Meantime, we Gay men who stick to a daily shall continue condemning homo- (Des Moines (IA) Register; Boston Globe; Lexington dose of an antiretroviral drug sexuality, without publishing pic- (KY) Herald-Leader; Bay Area Reporter (San Fran- were 90% less likely to become tures." (CNN) cisco); The Advocate) infected with HIV. The therapy would cost over $12,000 per Los Angeles police are seeking a man who was captured year in the US currently. (Los Angeles Times) on video brutally assaulting a transgender woman. The victim was knocked to the ground, kicked in the face, Episcopal Bishop V. Gene Robinson announced his intenand struck in the head with a bottle, suffering a broken tion to retire in January 2013. Bishop Robinson said that jaw. The suspect, a Hispanic man in his 20s, may have death threats and continued worldwide controversy about been aided by additional suspects in the assault. (KTLA his selection contributed to his decision. He has served in (Los Angeles)) his New Hampshire post since early 2004. (CNN)
Letter to the Editor To whom it may concern, I've never been to a GAAMC meeting but I did grow up in Morris County and was a regular at GALY meetings back when I was a junior/senior year in high school back in 1999-2000. Amidst all the "It Gets Better" videos due to the recent gay teen suicides, I thought about my own teenage life back 10 years ago and how much I wish I can go back and say a simple "Thank You" to the GALY volunteers for taking their time to let us GALY members personally see that indeed life does get better (from our discussions on gay issues, watching gay-related movies, gay prom, etc.) Getting that personal attention from another living person in a safe space was definitely a lot more effective than watching an "it gets better" video online. I don't know where the former GALY volunteers are nowadays since GALY folded a few years ago but just wanted to say thank you to them and to you, GAAMC, for making that safe space possible. Regards, Joe
SHADOWS
by Tony Puma I live in the shadows of rooms viewing the world through Palladium windows. Sun, stars and storms pass by. My shadows shield me, from the wrath outside. I seek a light, a ray, a hope within my rooms. I only encounter a glare. I don’t hide in the shadows, but, I can’t escape them. They are warm. I return to the womb. And, as in a Dickinson poem, I see my own tomb. Puma/MMX
Page 6 CHALLENGE Winter 2010
J OIN
US! PRIDE PARTY AT GEORGE STREET PLAYHOUSE
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Join us for pre-show dinner, drinks, door prizes and live entertainment at GSP’s PRIDE PARTY Friday, December 10 The fun begins at 6:30 and is followed by the 8pm performance of
[ title of show ]
> WLWOH RI VKRZ @ Music and lyrics by Jeff Bowen Book by Hunter Bell Directed by Matt Lenz Music direction by Jesse Vargas
All inclusive ticket price is $50 * Use coupon code: PRIDE when ordering online, or by phone call 732-846-2895 x155 * one drink is included
College students use code: PRIDESTUDENT for $20 tickets ( Student ID required to pick up tickets )
N OV E M B E R 16 t h ro ug h D EC E M BER 12 [ lau re n ke n n e d y ]
[ t y l er may n a rd ]
[ su sa n mo sh er ]
[ set h r u d et sky ]
Box office: 732.246.7717 • Online: www.GSPonline.org GEORGE STREET PLAYHOUSE 9 Livingston Avenue , New Brunswick D av i d S a i n t , A r t i s t i c D i re c t o r
This Program is made possible in par t by funds from the New Jersey State Council on the Arts/Departments of State, A Partner Agency of the National Endowment for the Arts.
Winter 2010 CHALLENGE Page 7
December 2010/January 2011 Calendar Recurring Contact Information
* Hackensack Peer Support Groups: 800-508-7577; www.njbuddies.org † Pride Center, Highland Park: 732-846-2232; www.pridecenter.org ‡ Hudson County Peer Support Groups: 201-963-4779; HudsonPride.org λ LGBT Center Rainbow Lounge, Princeton: www.princeton.edu/lgbt ♦ Jersey Shore Q-Spot, Asbury Park: www.jsqspot.org Monday – Friday 9:00 am to 1:00 pm - HIV testing, Asbury Park; 800-9470020 9:00 am to 11:00 am - The Daily Grind coffeehouse, Princetonλ 10:00 am to 5:00 pm - HiTOPS Health Center, Princeton; www.hitops.org; 609-683-5155 x 211 Every Monday 7:00 pm - GAAMC, Morristown (see page 2) 10:30 am - The Wellness Community, Newark; 973-5650300; info @ hyacinth.org 7:00 pm - Bowling, Union; merenl @ comcast.net 7:30 pm - S.E.L.F. HIV Men’s support group, Hackensack* 7:30 pm - New Jersey Gay Men’s Chorus choir practice, Princeton; 609-396-7774; www.njgmc.org 7:30 pm - Overeaters Anonymous, Pride Center† 8:00 pm - Bowling, Green Brook; 732-388-3548; qcrollers @ aol.com Every Tuesday 12:30 pm - The Wellness Community, Newark; 973-5650300; info @ hyacinth.org 3:00 pm - Youth Connect, Jersey City‡ 4:00 pm - Treatment Adherence Support Group, Jersey City; 201-432-1134; info @ hyacinth.org 7:30 pm - Tuesday Night Lesbian Connection, Bound Brook; 908-791-3764 7:30 pm - Men’s HIV support group, Asbury Park; 732-7755084; apstillpoz @ yahoo.com 7:30 pm - Positive Yoga, Hackensack* 8:45 pm - Bowling, Belleville; 973-256-5936; NJGLB @ aol.com 9:00 pm - Bowling, Jersey City; 201-933-6028; JoeyNJ @ aol.com 9:15 pm - Bowling, Edison; 732-548-4550; cnjgbl @ yahoo.com December 2010 01 Wed 6:00 pm - "A Night of Remembrance", Jersey City; OurYouth2006 @ yahoo.com; (201) 839–5869 (see Bulletin Board, page 3) 7:00 pm - North Jersey Prime Timers' monthly meetup; www.meetup.com/North-Jersey-Primetimers'; 201-8410826 7:30 pm - Gay Dad's Coming Out/Support Group, Pride Center† 02 Thu 7:00 pm - JCLGO monthly meeting, Jersey City; www.jclgo.org
Every Wednesday 10:30 am - The Wellness Community, Jersey City; 201432-1134; info @ hyacinth.org 2:00 pm - "Generation Q", WRSU 88.7 FM; wrsu.org 3:00 pm - Youth Connect, Jersey City‡ 6:00 pm - Positive People peer support group, Hackensack* 7:30 pm - Men’s Living Out group, Pride Center; njwarrior @ aol.com† 7:30 pm - Gay Men’s Coming Out group, Pride Center; njwarrior @ aol.com† Every Thursday 3:30 pm - Youth Connect, Jersey City‡ 6:00 pm - Pride Thursdays, Hard Grove Cafe Bar, Jersey City; jclgo.org 6:00 pm - Our Youth weekly support group, Jersey City; www.myspace.com/our_youth 6:30 pm - Double Jeopardy peer support group, Hackensack* 6:30 pm - Living Beyond HIV Men's peer support groups, Jersey City‡ 7:00 pm - C.R.A.V.E., Jersey City‡ 7:00 pm - Sexual Assault Survivor Support, Princeton; www.hitops.org 7:30 pm - Rainbows on Cleveland Street, Orange; 973256-5936; rbowsoncleveland @ aol.com Every Friday 3:00 pm - Youth Connect, Jersey City‡ Every Sunday 10:30 am - MCC of Christ the Liberator, North Brunswick; 732-846-8227; mccliberator @ excite.com Noon - St. Francis of Assisi Church, Glen Ridge; 973-7317765; stfrancisnj.org 2:30 pm - Liberation in Truth Unity Fellowship Church, Newark; 973-621-2100 7:30 pm - Alternate Thursdays, Montclair; kjdinkin @ comcast.net 7:30 pm - Coffee Night, Edison; njlgh.onefireplace.com 03 Fri 7:00 pm - Positive Women peer support group, Hackensack* 7:00 pm - Under the Rainbow, Pride Center† 7:00 pm - Karaoke Party, Pride Center† 04 Sat 2:30 pm - First and Third for GLBTI youth, Princeton; 609683-5155; www.HiTOPS.org 05 Sun Noon - Chanukah Party, Metuchen; njlgh.onefireplace.com
Page 8 CHALLENGE Winter 2010 05 Sun 4:00 pm - Dignity Metro NJ Mass, Maplewood; 973-8574040; Dignitymetronj @ msn.com 6:00 pm - "AIDS Is a Drag, Wrap It Up!", Jersey City; OurYouth2006 @ yahoo.com; (201) 839–5869 (see Bulletin Board, page 3) 6:30 pm - Gay Men’s Opera Club; 732-249-9034; hagol @ msn.com
13 Mon Noon - "Life Among Men", discussion, Princetonλ 7:00 pm - Youth Initiative Teenager's Meetings, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 7:30 pm - PFLAG of Morris County, Mendham; 973-7275288; pflag.morris @ verizon.net 7:30 pm - PFLAG, Princeton; 609-663-5155; www.pflagprinceton.org
06 Mon 6:00 pm - "Anything but Straight?", dinner/discussion, Princetonλ 7:00 pm - Support Group for Lesbians with Cancer, New Brunswick; 732-235-6781; slirzero AT umdnj.edu 7:00 pm - Lesbian Hot Topics, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦
14 Tue 7:30 pm - Bisexual Social Support Group, Pride Center† 8:00 pm - Lesbians and Gay Men of New Brunswick, Pride Center†
07 Tue 4:00 pm - HIV Testing & Needle Exchange, Jersey City‡ 6:00 pm - Gay Pride Business Network, New Brunswick; www.gpbn.net 7:00 pm - ComeOUT & Play, Pride Center† 7:00 pm - Quesdays, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 7:00 pm - Patti Smith, lecturer, Princetonλ 7:30 pm - LGBT Fellowship, Belleville; 973-751-0616 7:30 pm - PCNJ Board of Trustees meeting, Pride Center† 08 Wed 6:00 pm - Gay Pride Business Network, Asbury Park; www.gpbn.net 6:00 pm - "Tackling Homophobia", Newark (see Bulletin Board, page 3) 7:30 pm - TGLCA monthly meeting, Trenton; 609-3969788; tglca @ aol.com 9:00 pm - Dine with Pride, Metuchen ; jennifer.horsey @ cit.com 09 Thu 7:00 pm - Qspot Book Club, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 7:30 pm - PFLAG of North Jersey, South Orange; 908-7897489; pflagwaver @ aol.com 10 Fri Noon - "Hey Mom, I'm Gay", discussion, Princetonλ 6:30 pm - George Street Playhouse Pride Party, New Brunswick (see Bulletin Board, page 3) 7:30 pm - NJ LGBT Cancer Support Group, Pride Center† 11 Sat 1:00 pm - Youth Drop-In, Pride Center† 7:00 pm - Movie Social, Pride Center† 7:30 pm - Dignity New Brunswick gay Catholic liturgy; 732968-9263; dignitynb @ earthlink.net 12 Sun 11:30 am - 2010 Volunteer Recognition Brunch, Pride Center† 1:00 pm - Holiday Brunch, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 1:30 pm - PFLAG Northern New Jersey, South Orange; 973-267-8414; www.pflagnorthjersey.org 6:00 pm - Gay Men’s Classical Song Club, Kingston; pbrown02 @ worldnet.att.net 6:00 pm - North Jersey Friends Xmas Party, Paterson; www.meetup.com/North-Jersey-Primetimers; 201-8410826
15 Wed 6:00 pm - Queering the Color Line Family Dinner, Princetonλ 7:30 pm - United in Grace discussion/support group, Jersey City; 201-946-0650; greg.perez @ comcast.net 8:00 pm - Havurah board meeting, Edison; njlgh.onefireplace.com 16 Thu 7:00 pm - GAAMC board meeting, Morristown; all GAAMC members are invited to attend. 7:30 pm - NJ Women Coming Out Support Group, Pride Center† 7:30 pm - PFLAG of Northwest NJ, Sparta; 973-729-9909 17 Fri 7:00 pm - Positive Women peer support group, Hackensack* 7:00 pm - NJ Furries Art Workshop, Pride Center† 7:30 pm - Support Group for Parents of LGBTIQ Youth/ Young Adults, Pride Center† 7:30 pm - Dignity New Brunswick social; 732-968-9263; dignitynb @ earthlink.net 8:00 pm - Out of the Box open mic night, The Cave, 19-21 Second Avenue, Highland Park (sign-up begins 7:30) 9:00 pm - DJ Chiono Dance Party, Pride Center† 18 Sat 2:30 pm - First and Third for GLBTI youth, Princeton; 609683-5155; www.HiTOPS.org 6:00 pm - North Jersey Primetimers Board Meeting, Kearny; www.meetup.com/North-Jersey-Primetimers; 201841-0826 7:00 pm - Rainbow Bowling, Bradley Beach; 732-774-4540 7:00 pm - NJ Gay Film Society & Potluck Dinner Club, location TBA; gayfilms @ bigfoot.com 7:00 pm - OA Games Night, Pride Center† 19 Sun 4:00 pm - Dignity Metro NJ Mass, Maplewood; 973-8374040; Dignitymetronj @ msn.com 4:00 pm - TrueSelves trans support group, Pride Center† 5:30 pm - Paper Mill Playhouse Lavender Night, Millburn (see Bulletin Board, page 3) 20 Mon 7:00 pm - Support Group for Lesbians with Cancer, New Brunswick; 732-235-6781; slirzero @ umdnj.edu 7:00 pm - Lesbian Hot Topics, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦
Winter 2010 CHALLENGE Page 9 21 Tue 4:00 pm - HIV Testing & Needle Exchange, Jersey City‡ 7:00 pm - Movie Night, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 7:00 pm - ComeOUT & Play, Pride Center† 7:30 pm - Lesbian Alliance of Princeton; 609-924-8174; Loisj @ msn.com 7:30 pm - PFLAG of Hunterdon County, Flemington; 908752-1370; pflaghc @ yahoo.com 8:00 pm - PFLAG of Bergen County, Paramus; 201-2870318; www.bergenpflag.org 8:00 pm - NJ Women, Secaucus; info @ njwomen.org
6:00 pm - Gay Pride Business Network, New Brunswick; www.gpbn.net 7:00 pm - ComeOUT & Play, Pride Center† 7:00 pm - Quesdays, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 7:30 pm - LGBT Fellowship, Belleville; 973-751-0616 7:30 pm - PCNJ Board of Trustees meeting, Pride Center†
22 Wed 6:00 pm - Trip to Sussex County Health Club, Sussex; www.meetup.com/North-Jersey-Primetimers; 201-8410826 6:00 pm - Gay Pride Business Network, Asbury Park; www.gpbn.net
06 Thu Noon - Queer Women's Lunch, Princetonλ 7:00 pm - JCLGO monthly meeting, Jersey City; www.jclgo.org 7:30 pm - Alternate Thursdays, Montclair; kjdinkin @ comcast.net 7:30 pm - Coffee Night, Edison; njlgh.onefireplace.com
24 Fri 7:00 pm - Rock Hero, Pride Center† 25 Sat 1:00 pm - Youth Drop-In, Pride Center† 2:00 pm - Youth Support Group, Pride Center† 7:00 pm - Gay Bowling, Asbury Lanes, Asbury Park; 732776-6160 7:00 pm - Games Night & Dessert, Pride Center† 26 Sun 1:00 pm - Rainbow Book Group Discussion, Jersey City; www.jclgo.org 27 Mon 7:00 pm - Funny Bingo, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 8:30 pm - Meditation Group, Pride Center† 28 Tue 3:00 pm - Health Center Drop-In, Princetonλ 8:00 pm - Lesbians and Gay Men of New Brunswick, Pride Center† 30 Thu 7:00 pm - Gay Men's Hot Topics, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ January 2011 01 Sat 2:30 pm - First and Third for GLBTI youth, Princeton; 609683-5155; www.HiTOPS.org 02 Sun 11:30 am - Brunch, Millstone Twp.; njlgh.onefireplace.com 4:00 pm - Dignity Metro NJ Mass, Maplewood; 973-8574040; Dignitymetronj @ msn.com 6:30 pm - Gay Men’s Opera Club; 732-249-9034; hagol @ msn.com
05 Wed 7:00 pm - North Jersey Primetimers Monthly Meeting, Little Falls; www.meetup.com/North-Jersey-Primetimers; 201841-0826
07 Fri 7:00 pm - Positive Women peer support group, Hackensack* 7:00 pm - Under the Rainbow, Pride Center† 7:00 pm - Karaoke Party, Pride Center† 08 Sat 1:00 pm - Youth Drop-In, Pride Center† 7:00 pm - Movie Social, Pride Center† 7:30 pm - Dignity New Brunswick gay Catholic liturgy; 732968-9263; dignitynb @ earthlink.net 09 Sun 1:30 pm - PFLAG Northern New Jersey, South Orange; 973-267-8414; www.pflagnorthjersey.org 4:00 pm - Chillfest film festival, Jersey City (see Bulletin Board, page 3) 6:00 pm - Gay Men’s Classical Song Club, Kingston; pbrown02 @ worldnet.att.net 10 Mon 7:00 pm - Youth Initiative Teenager's Meetings, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 7:30 pm - PFLAG of Morris County, Mendham; 973-7275288; pflag.morris @ verizon.net 7:30 pm - PFLAG, Princeton; 609-663-5155; www.pflagprinceton.org 11 Tue 7:30 pm - Bisexual Social Support Group, Pride Center† 8:00 pm - Lesbians and Gay Men of New Brunswick, Pride Center†
03 Mon 7:00 pm - Support Group for Lesbians with Cancer, New Brunswick; 732-235-6781; slirzero AT umdnj.edu 7:00 pm - Lesbian Hot Topics, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦
12 Wed 6:00 pm - Gay Pride Business Network, Asbury Park; www.gpbn.net 6:00 pm - "Tackling Homophobia", Newark (see Bulletin Board, page 3) 7:30 pm - TGLCA monthly meeting, Trenton; 609-3969788; tglca @ aol.com 9:00 pm - Dine with Pride, Metuchen ; jennifer.horsey @ cit.com
04 Tue 4:00 pm - HIV Testing & Needle Exchange, Jersey City‡
13 Thu 7:00 pm - Qspot Book Club, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦
Page 10 CHALLENGE Winter 2010 13 Thu 7:30 pm - PFLAG of North Jersey, South Orange; 908-7897489; pflagwaver @ aol.com
8:00 pm - Out of the Box open mic night, The Cave, 19-21 Second Avenue, Highland Park (sign-up begins 7:30) 9:00 pm - DJ Chiono Dance Party, Pride Center†
14 Fri 7:30 pm - NJ LGBT Cancer Support Group, Pride Center†
22 Sat 1:00 pm - Youth Drop-In, Pride Center† 2:00 pm - Youth Support Group, Pride Center† 7:00 pm - Gay Bowling, Asbury Lanes, Asbury Park; 732776-6160 7:00 pm - Games Night & Dessert, Pride Center†
15 Sat 2:30 pm - First and Third for GLBTI youth, Princeton; 609683-5155; www.HiTOPS.org 7:00 pm - Rainbow Bowling, Bradley Beach; 732-774-4540 7:00 pm - NJ Gay Film Society & Potluck Dinner Club, location TBA; gayfilms @ bigfoot.com 7:00 pm - OA Games Night, Pride Center† 7:00 pm - North Jersey Primetimers Game Night; www.meetup.com/North-Jersey-Primetimers; 201-8410826 16 Sun 4:00 pm - Dignity Metro NJ Mass, Maplewood; 973-8374040; Dignitymetronj @ msn.com 4:00 pm - TrueSelves trans support group, Pride Center† 4:30 pm - Torah Queeries, Pride Center† 17 Mon 7:00 pm - Support Group for Lesbians with Cancer, New Brunswick; 732-235-6781; slirzero @ umdnj.edu 7:00 pm - Lesbian Hot Topics, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 18 Tue 4:00 pm - HIV Testing & Needle Exchange, Jersey City‡ 7:00 pm - Movie Night, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 7:00 pm - ComeOUT & Play, Pride Center† 7:30 pm - Lesbian Alliance of Princeton; 609-924-8174; Loisj @ msn.com 7:30 pm - PFLAG of Hunterdon County, Flemington; 908752-1370; pflaghc @ yahoo.com 8:00 pm - PFLAG of Bergen County, Paramus; 201-2870318; www.bergenpflag.org 8:00 pm - NJ Women, Secaucus; info @ njwomen.org 19 Wed 6:00 pm - Queering the Color Line Family Dinner, Princetonλ 7:30 pm - United in Grace discussion/support group, Jersey City; 201-946-0650; greg.perez @ comcast.net 8:00 pm - Havurah board meeting, Edison; njlgh.onefireplace.com 20 Thu 7:00 pm - GAAMC board meeting, Morristown; all GAAMC members are invited to attend. 7:30 pm - NJ Women Coming Out Support Group, Pride Center† 7:30 pm - PFLAG of Northwest NJ, Sparta; 973-729-9909 21 Fri 7:00 pm - Positive Women peer support group, Hackensack* 7:00 pm - NJ Furries Art Workshop, Pride Center† 7:30 pm - Support Group for Parents of LGBTIQ Youth/ Young Adults, Pride Center† 7:30 pm - Dignity New Brunswick social; 732-968-9263; dignitynb @ earthlink.net
23 Sun 1:00 pm - Rainbow Book Group Discussion, Jersey City; www.jclgo.org 24 Mon 7:00 pm - Funny Bingo, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 8:30 pm - Meditation Group, Pride Center† 25 Tue 3:00 pm - Health Center Drop-In, Princetonλ 8:00 pm - Lesbians and Gay Men of New Brunswick, Pride Center† 26 Wed 6:00 pm - Gay Pride Business Network, Asbury Park; www.gpbn.net 27 Thu 7:00 pm - Gay Men's Hot Topics, Jersey Shore Q-Spot♦ 28 Fri 7:00 pm - Rock Hero, Pride Center† 8:00 pm - Shabbat service, Edison; njlgh.onefireplace.com
KEVIN P. SUSZKO, PC Certified Public Accountant
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Winter 2010 CHALLENGE Page 11
My Son Was Gay by Freddi Jensen
When you read the title of this article, what was your perception of that statement? Did you think “here is another parent who placed her son in something like Exodus International to cure his homosexuality?” To be honest, if I had known about something like Exodus International when my son came out, I probably would have gone on a campaign to get him into their program in order to “convert” him back to the way I thought he “should” be. My son Noel came out to me when he was 16. Since I had always told my kids they could talk to me about anything, Noel came to me in good faith, counting on my lifelong promise that he would be able to talk to me. Unfortunately, who I was at that time was an evangelical Christian, so embedded in an organized religion known as Southern Baptist that I was not able to hear through my firmly implanted filter of fear – fear of Noel going to hell because he was “choosing” to be gay, and fear of me going to hell because I had raised a young man who was making the “choice” to be other than what I thought was normal. I made both of us miserable by paying more attention to what I was taught to believe rather than what my heart was begging me to value - him. The sad thing is that I loved my son more than life itself, and yet I chose to base my hope for the future into what was said in the Bible instead of living in the present with what my heart was begging me to value. We rocked along in the toxic judgmental atmosphere I created in our home for nine long years. Noel walked on eggshells around me, trying to remain as invisible as possible. I dragged him to church constantly, repeating what the preacher said on an ongoing basis, to make sure he heard the words that condemned his “lifestyle.” It was Noel’s unconditional love that finally pulled me from the insanity in which I was living. I thank God that I had another 12 years of life to share with Noel after I woke up and walked away from what was preventing me from openly expressing the love I had for my son. I no longer subscribe to organized religion; I subscribe to God’s love. That is the only reality there is for me.
A Message of Hope for LGBT Youth from LEAGUE by Charlie Murphy
AT&T was one of the first companies to change their discrimination policy, more than 20 years ago, to include gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered employees. AT&T did not at that time, and still does not, tolerate any types of discrimination toward the GLBT community. At their recent Employee Resource Group Conference, held in Dallas, Texas, LEAGUE - the lesbian and gay employees group - issued the following statement to all employees and attendees at the conference: "LEAGUE at AT&T, the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered employee resource group of AT&T, is truly heartbroken over the loss of five promising young men - Raymond Chase in Rhode Island, Tyler Clementi in New Jersey, Seth Walsh in California, Billy Lucas in Indiana, and Asher Brown in Texas - each of whom were the victims of LGBT bullying and cyberbullying. LGBT youth, and those perceived to be LGBT, are more likely than their heterosexual peers to commit suicide, often because they are tormented at school and rejected by their communities." Theresa Bates-McLemore, National President of LEAGUE at AT&T, said, "We extend our deepest sympathies to the family and friends of these children who are facing an unimaginable loss. This heartbreaking tragedy is not an isolated incident but another terrible loss caused by those who promote hatred and intolerance. We must come together to end bullying and to provide youth the support they need to lead safe, healthy lives." The LEAGUE statement goes on to say: "America's youth are in crisis. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15- to 24-year olds, and gay teens are up to four times more likely to attempt suicide than straight teens, according to a 2007 Massachusetts youth risk survey. Why? Partly because they are being bullied relentlessly at their schools - whether it's middle school, high school, or college. In fact, nine out of ten gay teens report being bullied, according to a survey by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network. This is staggering. And unacceptable. Depression is treatable and suicide is preventable.
Prejudice, bigotry and ignorance are passed on through family generations without a second thought. Until these traditions are changed to one of acceptance – not necessarily understanding – we will remain the same. I can accept someone without having to understand them.
"We urge any gay LGBT youth contemplating suicide to immediately reach out to The Trevor Project, day or night, at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386). Please check out It Gets Better, a new YouTube channel that is reaching out to teenagers who are bullied at school for being gay. The message: life really does get better after high school. The channel, called the "It Gets Better Project", was created by the Seattle advice columnist and activist Dan Savage. The channel promises to be a collection of videos from adults in the gay community who share their own stories of surviving school bullying and moving on to build successful careers and happy home lives. If you are feel-
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So many of us live our lives based on fear. In case we forget what we are supposed to fear today, our news media gladly reminds us.
Page 12 CHALLENGE Winter 2010
New Bisexual Social Support Group By Daphne L. Kanellopoulos
Although groups I have encountered are bi-inclusive, I felt there was a need for a safe space for bisexual and bicurious individuals to be able to congregate and discuss issues that pertain specifically to bisexuality. It didn’t feel like there was a space already in existence dedicated to bisexuality. I used to go to a group called NJBiWomen that stopped having meetings in 2003 and, as bi-inclusive as many people are, I missed having a space to specifically discuss issues pertaining to bisexuality. It seems to me that many people hesitate to talk about being bisexual in a crowd where they believe most people identify as gay. The first meeting of the Bisexual Social Support Group on Tuesday, November 9th was a remarkable success. I am extremely encouraged by the turnout, especially considering I didn’t do much advertising. I had some help from others who helped to spread the word and received a ton of support from many people in and out of the Pride Center. There were five total in attendance including three women who had never been to the Pride Center before. They found the group on the Pride Center's web site. They seemed excited that such a group was formed and expressed an interest in coming back. The topic of that evening was dating as a bisexual. That night it so happened that all the attendees were women, but bisexual and bicurious men are also encouraged to attend. Every woman present had discussed some of the challenges in their dating lives. One even laughed and said that calling them challenges is an understatement. As often happens, the conversation shifted away from dating and went to religion and faith. The question posed was, “Did you make a decision to change your religion because you are bisexual, or did your orientation not affect your choice of religion?” That sparked an interesting discussion as well. That night there were a lot of laughs and it seemed like everyone was enjoying the discussion. There was some information sharing as well regarding certain events that are considered bi-friendly. As in any group, there is always an opportunity to learn from others. The group meets at the Pride Center of New Jersey on the second Tuesday of every month from 7:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. For more information, contact me at multicolorchimes @ yahoo.com.
A Message of Hope for LGBT Youth from LEAGUE (continued from page 7)
ing suicidal n o w, please http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/."
go
to
When I came out, lo these many years ago, you were made fun of or taunted by your peers, but nothing like what is going on today. We cannot place all the blame on those who did the bullying. The blame is shared by those parents, religious leaders, politicians, law enforcement officials, guidance councilors, and teachers who either preached hatred or intolerance, or stood idly by and allowed their children to become hate mongers. You are not born to hate or be intolerant; it is something that is learned. Perhaps we need to send those who advocate such behavior back to the womb and have them start over again.
My Son Was Gay
(continued from page 7) I was fortunate; my son remained alive until I awoke from the illusion in which I was living. He was ripped from my life in May 2008 when he was brutally murdered. To those of you who are struggling with finding out who you are, please do not allow yourself to fall prey to the fears that society has projected on you. Every time someone sprays their venom on you, they are announcing their fear of their own inadequacy. My wish for you is to realize the critical role you are playing in our world. You are here to show the rest of us what unconditional love is. Thank you for being here, and please don’t give up; we need you. To those of you who are the family of one of our precious gay brothers and sisters and who may be struggling with accepting your loved one, I would love to talk to you. I would tell you about the pain that your journey will bring you, should you continue down the same path I traveled. I would share with you the profound regret over my actions in following fear instead of love. I would share with you the deep sadness over the lost moments in not being the mother I wish I had been. I would also share with you the anger that set in when I realized the truth. Don’t give up on your loved ones. It took me nine years to wake up. If I can help, please contact me: freddi @ healingoutloud.org
The Officers and Trustees of GAAMC and the Editor and staff of Challenge wish all of you a happy holiday season and a joyous new year.
Winter 2010 CHALLENGE Page 13 Ya-Ka-May as the sole number one album of the year. (Then I relistened to the other five.) Everything you'll read below about the Music reviews & news with a Queer ear Treme soundtrack goes for Ya-Ka-May, and Ya-Ka-May pushes the New Orleans envelope in several directions, unassailably indebted by Bill Realman Stella to the city but embracing, like the city, influences from all over. Ya-Ka-May practically leads towards future The (In)Complete 50 Favorite fusions. Dig how Irma Thomas gets the funkiDear Readers: Top 10 Albums of 2010 treatment I've ever heard, bar none. Next: Here's my Holiday-time gift to you! est Where the fuck did they pull that wild-ass Your Gift Guide to Please accept these choices for groove out of? Next: Dig how harmonically rich The Best Music of the Past 12 Months and percussively unsettled the tracks are unThe Best albums of 2010 der those Gangsta Rap vocals. Next: Dig that "..get it right. i gotta get it right… gotta keep to help you choose gifts for your Queer Hip-Hop Queen flirting with the entire listening, gotta keep up the pace, put 'em all in dance floor — OH! That's nasty! Next: Dig how friends and loved ones! there, get 'em all on the list. damn, that's they place those sub-Saharan rhythms in a great. that's a great one, too. so much, too Or to treat yourself! meeting with Smooth Jazz. I'm just skimming much! …no — don't say that! keep looking for the surface of all the deeply satisfying CRAZY There is something for every taste! more, keep looking until you're sure you haven't each and every track. As their record label forgotten any. What??! Whaddaya mean I only Find links online at issuu.com/ on (Anti-) puts it: "[Galactic recognizes] this funhave three pages?!" gaamc to help you buy any and damental truth: that all of the town's seemingly Three pages isn't enough. An extraordinary disparate styles — Jazz, brass bands and Funk as number of fine (borderline B/B+ or better) al- every item listed, plus many more well as the newer Bounce/Hip Hop — are intrinsibums came to my attention since last Decemchoices than can fit in print. cally linked." Top Songs: ALL. OK, especially: ber. Online, at issuu.com/gaamc, you'll discover "Heart of Steel" (with featured guest Irma ThoSupport Musicians! this issue of Challenge expanded to include mas), "Friends of Science," "Boe Money" (Rebirth more than 150 additional albums! — No better investment! Brass Band), "You Don't Know" (Rebirth & Glen As in previous years, I've formatted the list as David Andrews), "Wild Man" (Big Chief Bo Dollis), Happiness Through Art! a Top 10 but with multiple titles at each level. "Cineramascope" (Trombone Shorty, Corey Henry) This year's unprecedented ties for First Place "Dark Water" (John Bouette), "Do It Again" (Q The Merriest of Holidays to All! help to clarify why I Cheeky Blakk), "Muss The take the unusual step of Hair" & "Bacchus" (Allen tying multiple albums to Toussaint, at his absolute tiered rankings rather best), "Katey vs Nobby" (Q than arbitrarily cut off Katey Red & Sissy the list at 10 best alNobby) Note: The disbums. I gather together proportionate lack of music from so many attention given Ya-Kagenres and tastes that May compared to all the tiered format allows that its sound should multiple albums from have earned is as sinful multiple styles to share an exclusion from the a numeric position, Great Albums pantheon which seems much more as I've ever known. fair to me than making baseless, literally rank ✩ Shelby Lynne ~ comparisons. Unlike 99% Tears, Lies & Alibis of music reviewers, I Best Light Rock? Ameripost a list that is as cana? Country-flavored inclusive as possible. Pop? No matter how you This stylized Q indiYa-Ka-May [U.S. version] Ya-Ka-May [Import, Bonus Tracks] describe her sound, Shelby Lynne cates albums by (or contributed to by) out has written the best set of songs Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, or Transgendered creators. Some entries have a (not recordings or tracks but songs in the classic sense) of 2010. This star ✩ indicates albums previously reviewed; read more about People need to begin to include her among those who come to mind when we think of "Our Best Contemporary Songwriters". Take them in back issues of Challenge. RIYL = Recommended If You Like, a a listen to these Top Songs: short list of artists who share styles similar to that en"Rains Came" epitomizes the happy, jaunty actry's. "Top Songs" are tracks I love: Start your listening companiment to a painful lyric, a pop hit abanwith these, find their samples online first, or focus on doned by the trends of our times. Honestly, in a buying these songs (let's be real) if the entire album culture open to anything, it'd be a sure-fire Top 10 doesn't click with you. hit. In ours? Wiped from our musical memory just In previous years, the #1 album was an eventually as surely as rains come to clear away heartache in obvious choice that rose above all others (with a few the song. Don't let it stay that way: Discover it for rare instances when I simply couldn't make a decision yourself. "Why Didn't You Call Me" is the metaon any but a random basis between two choices). I've phorical B-side of "Rains Came," how Lynne felt never experienced anything like this year: The clearbetter after a good cry. est path to the top is a six-way tie among diverse "Alibi" evokes the quiet, pain-riddled but beautiful equals. Ladies and Gentlemen, the not-commercially 70s ballads by the likes of Phoebe Snow or Roberta influenced, based entirely on merit selections for Flack. It and "Like A Fool" are a pair of songs about 1 The First Place Best Albums of 2010 are: pairs of mismatched lovers. "Family Tree" wears Galactic ~ Ya-Ka-May two mantles: that of the proud descendent who's Shelby Lynne ~ Tears, Lies & Alibis had enough of being disrespected by her family and, by means of swallowed words like "my disNew Politics ~ New Politics guise" or the grief implicit in "the tears I cry could Sacha Sacket ~ The Viscera Project mean anything," what's left of a person to mourn — Various Artists ~ Treme, television soundtrack and dance — after one has had to cauterize wounds Brian Wilson ~ Rei mag i nes Gershwin inflicted by one's family. "Home Sweet Home" captures the sweetness and the melancholy of "going Q ✩ Galactic ~ Ya-Ka-May home" — how, after traveling so long, one feels like one is just visiting. With a golden-toned acoustic I was tempted right up until deadline day to place
Dancing to Architecture
Shel by Lyn ne
Page 14 CHALLENGE Winter 2010 guitar, a valorous, vulnerable vocal, and lyrics like "I don't know what state I'm in," in three minutes she captures that feeling of how brief and rare the visit is. Has there ever been a better song about trying to drink your troubles away than "Old #7"? The title apparently has a double meaning that refers to the Jack Daniels bottle in front of her and the lover who has left but haunts her. "Something To Be Said" also captures one's feelings of inarticulate inadequacy when trying to describe a special object, and one's relationship to it, particularly an Airstream mobile home, encapsulated as: "Who'd've though art was a trailer?" "Loser Dreamer" has one of those lyrics that feel like someone has been poking around in my head, and has compassionately stolen thoughts of disillusionment, and of retreat into the comfort of one's dreams. "Loser Dreamer" becomes a title of honor. "Old Dog," a classic country blues as if culled from the earthy song-inspiring aether, takes up the folk-singer's charge to rewrite songs as necessary to keep them alive: Wherever "Old Dog" appears in the lyrics, "Lost" Dog is sung instead every time but once. Aside to Singers: HEY! LOOKING FOR GREAT SONGS? GEMS? OVER HERE! BRILSacha L I A N T, A D A P TA B L E W O R K S O F B E A U T Y, YOURS TO COVER FOR THE ASKING!
ones leave only a few minor tracks in their wake. And its non-album status confers innovation's glow upon the Project. I can't think of a single instance since They Might Be Giant's Dial-A-Song project of this much quality song-craft appearing at this steady a rate (and TMBG's under-60-second songs frequently were goofy toss-offs, joyful but minor, meant as preview or at best delightful amusement). These songs are the real deal. Several of them: "Cellophane," Helium," "Ire" among them — are worthy of repeated reinterpretation. I can't wait to hear what comes next. Top Songs: "Cellophane," "Helium," "Lazy Eye," "Chalk," "Seven Years," "Creeping," "Ire" Follow as new songs are posted weekly at sacha sacket.bandcamp.com.
✩ Various Artists ~ Treme: Music From the HBO Original Series, Season 1 Can I possibly rave gleefully enough about how much in love
I've fallen with the sounds of New Orleans? [NO!] Is it possible to find a more-joyous, life-affirming album this year? [NO!] Will you go buy a copy of the Treme Soundtrack? Just say YES! I haven't a more unreserved recommendation for a holiday gift this year than this.
Sacket
Bonus!: Shelby Lynne ~ Merry Christmas
That's right, Lynne has just released a Christmas album! You think you'll be bored by yet another interpretation of "Silent Night"? I dare you to hear hers. Along with two originals — the down home "Ain't Nothin' Like Christmas" and the secular "Xmas" — Lynne and her band bring a whole lotta warmth to the season with a smooth-riding sleigh-full of holiday standards. And there ain't nothing beats Lynne harmonizing with herself on "Sleigh Ride". Two sides of a multi-faceted performer: Tears, Lies & Alibis and Merry Christmas — Why not get them both?
✩ New Politics ~ New Politics
The Best Rock Album of 2010. The newest video, for "Dignity," is a must see. Top Songs: ALL. OK, especially "Yeah Yeah Yeah," "Dignity," "Burn," "Nuclear War," "Give Me Hope," "Love Is A Drug"
Q ✩ Sacha Sacket ~ The Viscera Project
This astonishing project has consistently amazed me since June. Sacket is delivering new songs at near the rate of a song a week. They are each diamonds patiently waiting their turn in the sunshine. The songs have lyrical strengths most lyricists never bother to hone. The resonance of mashing familiar phrases like "made flesh" and "turn to stone" into "Turned my stone flesh" (from "Gradiva") upends our ears and turns our heads. The rhymes are sometimes gentle, avoiding cliches by making deft choices of partial rhymes. These are imperfect recordings. One will not find Sinatra's voice dancing meaningfully with Riddle's arrangements. But neither will one have to pretend there's artistic merit in a Rufus Wainwright-like muffled voice or meaningless lyrics fronting impeccable arrangements. Sacket takes the route I've missed hearing from anyone for years, sings direct-to-digital, no misdirection necessary, with sparse roomy arrangements more designed than decorated. How does a set of songs, not an album, imperfect, qualify for Best of 2010? First, Sacket and his accomplices have learned the mysteries of transmutation within art: imperfections are part of what make these pieces more attractive. Second, out of the 24 songs posted so far, the exceptional quality of 14 amazing tracks plus a handful of very good
How cool is an Irma Thomas/Allen Toussaint duet, plus Mardi Gras Indian chanting, plus the lagniappe of a new Steve Earle song? To list all the artists isn't enough, but it is necessary. If you're not already familiar with the musicians, many of whom I wasn't aware of until this year, all are worth discovering. Top Songs? All of them: "Treme Song" ~John Boutte; "Feel Like Funkin’ It Up" ~Rebirth Brass Band; "I Hope You’re Comin’ Back to New Orleans" ~The New Orleans Jazz Vipers; "Skokiaan" ~Kermit Ruffins & The Barbecue Swingers; "Ooh Poo Pah Doo" ~Trombone Shorty & James Andrews; "Drinka Little Poison (4 U Die)" ~Soul Rebels Brass Band & John Mooney; "We Made it Through That Water" ~Free Agents Brass Band; "Shame Shame Shame" ~Steve Zahn & Friends; "My Indian Red" ~Dr. John; "At The Foot of Canal Street" ~John Boutte, Paul Sanchez, Glen David Andrews & New Birth Brass Band; "Buona Sera" ~Louis Prima; "New Orleans Blues" ~Tom McDermott & Lucia Micarelli; "I Don’t Stand a Ghost of a Chance With You" ~ Michiel Huisman, Lucia Micarelli & Wendell Pierce; "Indian Red (Wild Man Memorial)" ~Mardi Gras Indians; "Indian Red" ~Donald Harrison; "Time Is On My Side" ~Irma Thomas & Allen Toussaint; "This City" ~Steve Earle; "Just a Closer Walk with Thee" ~Treme Brass Band; "My Darlin' New Orleans" ~Li'l Queenie & The Percolators
✩ Brian Wilson, the Brian Wilson Band
~ Brian Wilson Reimagines Gershwin
Every bit as good as I'd dared hope. Brian Wilson Reimagines Gershwin so well it sounds inevitable. They aren't "covers" — they've become Brian Wilson's songs as much as Gershwin's. Only chemistry accounts for so seamless a bond with that of a mature Beach Boy. The astonishing strength of Wilson's self-confidence leads a band of arrangers and players who clearly love what they do to bring light, beauty, and renewal to some of the most recorded songs the world has known. Altogether magical. Best Popular Standards (Old School) & Concept Album of 2010. Top Songs: "They Can't Take That Away From Me," "The Like In I Love You," "I Got Plenty O' Nuttin'," "'S Wonderful," "Someone To Watch Over Me," "Nothing But Love"
New Politics
Winter 2010 CHALLENGE Page 15
2 The Second Place Best Albums of 2010 are: David Bryne & Fatboy Slim ~ Here Lies Love Drive-By Truckers ~ The Big To-Do Ben Folds, Nick H orn by ~ Lonely Avenue Gogol Bordello ~ Trans-Continental Hustle of Montreal ~ False Priest River City Extension ~ Unmistakable Man Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band ~ London Calling - Live at Hyde Park tUnE-yA rDs ~ Bird-Brai ns
Q ✩ David Byrne & Fatboy Slim ~ Here Lies Love
A concept album based on the life of Imelda Marcos. Really. Those Latin rhythms Byrne first embraced on the much maligned Talking Heads album Naked come to fruition here in sophisticated, elegant, bawdy arrangements and vocals. Top Songs (Guest vocalists): "Why Don't You Love Me?" (Q Cyndi Lauper & Tori Amos), "Please Don't" (Santigold), "Dancing Together" (Sharon Jones), "Men Will Do Anything" (Alice Russell), "The Whole Man" (Q Kate Pierson), "Never So Big" (Sia)"
✩ Drive-By Truckers ~ The Big To-Do
There's Rock, there's Punk Rock, and then there's Rock and Roll. THIS is Rock and Roll at its 2010 best. Top Songs: "Eyes Like Glue," Birthday Boy," "This Fucking Job"
✩ Ben Folds, Nick Hornby ~ Lonely Avenue
An album that actually holds together as an album — as a unified whole, not merely a collection of tracks. Top Songs: "Claire's Ninth," "Belinda"
✩ Gogol Bordello ~ Trans-Continental Hustle
The Gypsy Punks have added Brazillian influences. An extraordinary sound gets even better. Top Songs: "My Companjera," "Immigraniada (We Comin' Rougher)," "Sun Is On My Side," "Rebellious Love," "To Rise Above," "Break The Spell," "Trans-Continental Hustle"
✩ Ray LaMontagne & the Pariah Dogs ~
God Willin' & The Creek Don't Rise LaMontagne's sweet, breathy tenor is free-of-restraints, and together with the Pariah Dogs (that's Pariah now, not Prairie) sounds comfortable with bluegrass and country-soul ballads alike. RIYL classic Neil Young (both acoustic and electric), Tracy Chapman folk, or Sting's sophisticated but softer sides. The pain-riddled but beautiful sensibility throughout helps cleanse the heart of injuries, without erasing the experiences that caused them. Top Songs: "Repo Man," "New York City's Killing Me," "Beg, Steal or Borrow," "Are We Really Through,", "For The Summer" Q ✩ of Montreal ~ False Priest When I want to be challenged, I turn to of Montreal. No music daunts my ability to describe it more. Imagine Prince, Bowie, Tom Tom Club, The Stylistics, Aerosmith, and The Beach Boys sharing a bedroom, then make music that captures how they fuck each other. Result: amazing, ear-bending, imagination-expanding song-craft. Almost another tie at #1, except that I want to love it a little bit more than I actually do love it. Top Songs: "Godly Intersex," "I Feel Ya Stutter," "Coquet Coquette," "Sex Karma," "Famine Affair," "You Do Mutilate"
✩ River City Extension ~ Unmistakable Man
The best new music from New Jersey. They have a rare cohesion of energetic and laid back elements. RIYL The David Bromberg Band. Top Songs: "If I Still Own A Bible," "Our New Intelligence"
Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band ~ London Calling Live at Hyde Park [DVD]
Just because the music is released in DVD form, that shouldn't disqualify a three hour concert depicting the band in its current form and power from being considered as a new music album. The duet on "No Surrender" with Brian Fallon of The Gaslight Anthem alone is enough to recommend it. The material isn't brand new, but the performances are as fine as can be found of live E Street Band this decade. Pay special attention to Nils Lofgrin's guitar solos: The man is an under-appreciated wonder, a guitar playing monster, a rock god without suitable worshipers. Change that, dear readers, and join in giving him praise, won't you please?
✩ tUnE-yArDs ~ Bird-Brains
The most creative, preconceptions-defying album of the year. Top Songs: "Hatari," "Lions," "News," "Safety," "Jumping Jack"
3 The Third Place Best Album(s) of 2010 are: ✩ Grinderman ~ Grinderman 2
Now this is edgy music. Top Songs: First video "Heathen Child" has almost instantly been remixed as "Super Heathen Child," featuring Robert Fripp's (King Crimson) unique guitar let loose, "Bellringer Blues," "Mickey Mouse & The Goodbye Man," "Worm Tamer," "Palaces of Montezuma" Q ing ~ Dial: An Operock Much more is going on here, in this delightful revival of naive Art Rock epics, than first meets the ear. But I must bring my first impressions to your attention. Several of Dial's songs appear to be heavily influenced by British Rockers. For instance, "The Big Sleep (Wake Up)" channels Ian Hunter & Mott The Hoople. "Pretty Bird" channels Peter Gabriel & Genesis (a.k.a. Top Songs.) Find the entire album in charming animated video form at dialthemusical.com. Q ✩ Elton John, Leon Russell ~ The Union Russell commands multiple styles — backwater bar blues, elegant New Orleans syncopation, British dance hall, Tin Pan Alley. In collaboration with Elton John reverted to Honkey Chateau mode, we get to be the happy recipients of a unique compositional voice. The best new collaboration of the year. T Bone Burnett is producer here, too. Top Songs: “Gone to Shiloh,” "There's No Tomorrow," "Monkey Suit" ✩ Ted Leo & The Pharmacists ~ The Brutalist Bricks Wake up music: rousing, energized, concise. Top Songs: "The Mighty Sparrow," "Ativan Eyes," "Woke Up Near Chelsea," "Last Days," "Gimme The Wire," "Mourning In America," "Where Was My Brain" Off With Their Heads ~ In Desolation The best Punk album of 2010. Punk rage for the disillusioned and aging, and the living-on-the-brink lyric — one of the best lyrics of the year, from "Drive": I’ve been watching myself turning from bad to worse. I’ve been locked up in the basement putting bad habits first. I won't answer my phone because I want to be left alone to shed all the skin that makes me well up and choke. I’m not alive, I'm just as good as dead. I can't find a reason why I should even get out of bed. Just make it stop, just make it go away. I’ll give you everything I have if you’ve got the right words to say. But I can get by on what little is left in here. If I can just get away from my shadow, I’m in the clear. Then it will stop and it will all go away. I’ll be everything I was, I’ll be everything I wanted to be. I’m out of my mind and I’m out of your sight. So I just drive. It doesn’t matter where. I put my foot to the floor and let the wind blow through my hair. I’ll never stop. There is nothing for me out there. I’ll be on the roads less traveled while it all fades in the mirror. It's not morose, not pessimistic, to recognize the shit in your life, stare back as tough into its face as you got it, and SING about it! In Desolation blazes with life lived, taps the youthful cellular energy contained in one's mitochondria to punch at the drag of mundane reality on your fading dreams, using gobs of amp'd-guitar feedback growls to chase away demons. Great lyrics, heaps of leaping energy, and melodies — yeah baybay! This is my first contact with the 7-year-old OWTH, thanks to Bouncing Souls' online recommendation; I now look forward to losing a few pounds of sweat jumping around at one of their gigs. (Hopefully at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, January 29th 2011.) Top Songs: "Drive," "Trying To Breathe," "My Episodes," "Their Own Medicine," "Clear The Air"
HOLIDAY EXTRA! Q Indigo Girls ~ Holly Happy Days
More than half the album consists of originals or rarely-heard songs, and Indigo Girls fulfill their potentials. Of the familiar songs, I'll just say this: Simply imagine how they sound performed by Indigo Girls. Then, just believe it's true. Top Songs: "I Feel The Christmas Spirit," "It Really Is (A Wonderful Life)," "Your Holiday Song," "Peace Child," "The Wonder Song," "Angels We Have Heard On High," "I'll Be Home For Christmas," "There's Still My Joy" For All 150+ Additional Best of 2010 Albums, go to issuu.com/gaamc Dancing To Architecture® contents © 2010 Bill Stella.™, ® & © items included in the column for review purposes are ™, ® & © their respective owners.
Page 16 CHALLENGE Winter 2010
GAY ACTIVIST ALLIANCE IN MORRIS COUNTY
Officers President....................................................Andy Skurna........................................President VP Community Services.................................... Sherri Rase.............................................. Info VP Operations............................................... John Livoti Secretary .................................................. Gordon Sauer ....................................... Secretary Treasurer (acting)......................................... Andy Skurna....................................... Treasurer
@ GAAMC.org @ GAAMC.org @ GAAMC.org @ GAAMC.org
Trustees Paul Greenberg, Marty Grifone, Mitch Rubin, Mickey Suiter Trustees Emeriti Sue Harris, Robin Schneider, Mark Wydner Committee Chairs Activism.............................................................. open......................................... Activism @ GAAMC.org Archives....................................................Mickey Suiter ........................................ Archives @ GAAMC.org Discussion Group Resources............................ Gordon Sauer ..................................... Discussions @ GAAMC.org Facebook....................................................Andy Skurna Fundraising............................................. Paul Greenberg..................................... Fundraising @ GAAMC.org Information..................................................Mitch Rubin..................................... FreeLibrary @ GAAMC.org Member Services/Front Desk............ John Livoti, Allen Neuner Membership ................................................... Sue Harris................................... Memberships @ GAAMC.org Pride Guide................................................... Sue Harris......................................PrideGuide @ GAAMC.org Programs..................................................... Sherri Rase........................................ Programs @ GAAMC.org Public Relations............................................. Sherri Rase.............................................. Info @ GAAMC.org Socials................................................... Charlie Murphy........................................... Socials @ GAAMC.org Speakers Bureau........................................... Chris Selitto................................ SpeakersBureau @ GAAMC.org Volunteerism.................................................Sherri Rase....................................... Volunteer @ GAAMC.org Webmaster ................................................. Andy Skurna..................................... Webmaster @ GAAMC.org Yahoo! Group................................................. Sue Harris GAAMC, the Gay Activist Alliance in Morris County, has served New Jersey’s gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and intersexed community since 1972. GAAMC is a not-for-profit volunteer-run organization that provides social, educational, and outreach programs. GAAMC also offers opportunities for individuals to become politically active on issues related to the GLBTI community. Our intent is to maintain a positive, healthy, respectful, and supportive environment in a safe space. Meetings are held every Monday evening at the Morristown Unitarian Fellowship, 21 Normandy Heights Rd., Morristown, NJ (near the Morris Museum). Discussion groups meet from 7:00 to 8:00. The evening's program starts at 8:00 pm. Refreshments are available. For program information, call our information line or check our homepage (see below). Members and non-members are always welcome. Annual membership dues are: Regular, $40/single, $70/couple; Students/Seniors, $30/single, $60/couple. Those looking to help out at GAAMC can contact the Volunteer Coordinator, Sherri Rase, at Volunteer @ GAAMC.org. How to reach GAAMC Mail: PO Box 137, Convent Station, NJ 07961 Telephone: 973-285-1595 E-Mail: info @ gaamc.org Home page: http://www.gaamc.org Mail List: http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/gaamc