March 2022
the magazine of finchley progressive synagogue
Fun & Funny: Jewish Humour The Purim Edition
From the Editor... Gabrovo,
a large town nestled within the Balkan Mountains of Central Bulgaria, is auspiciously twinned with the city of Mogilev. It is also home to both a 19th century Revival house I purchased in 2019 and humour throughout Bulgaria and Eastern Europe. Gabrovians have been proudly known for their sense of humour for decades, with the main focus of their jokes based on how thrifty they are. ‘Have you got a picture of your twins?’ ‘Here it is.’ ‘But there’s only one of them in it.’ ‘That’s quite enough. The other one is just like him.’ The town mascot of Gabrovo is a tailless cat. The embellished legend goes that in order to keep the warmth inside of a house in winter, a Gabrovian will cut the cat’s tail off, so it doesn’t keep the door open any longer than necessary when it enters and exits. Each year, a spring carnival is organised throughout the town, celebrating the fun, the funny, and offering traditional Bulgarian festivities, headed up by the symbolic tailless cat.
Cover: Purim treats
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monica rabinowitz
According to Margarita Dorovska, Director of the Museum House of Humour and Satire, Gabrovo was an historical central trading point in the Bulgarian countryside. In order to attract custom, traders began using self-deprecating humour to initiate relationships with clients and boost sales. Throughout the centuries, Jews have also developed a form of self-deprecating humour, first identified by Sigmund Freud. With its origins rooted much further back in the Bible, Talmud, and Midrash, Jewish humour developed, particular to where Jews were living in the world and their circumstances. Often, Jews would mock authority figures, react to antiSemitism, point out contradictions, play on religious differences, exploit stereotypes, and use word play to incite wit and amusement. This month, in recognition of Purim and Red Nose Day for Comic Relief, Shofar will cheerfully be focusing on Jewish Humour and showing you how to get involved in fun and fundraising activities this Purim. We’ve invited you to share your favourite Jewish jokes with us and we’ll even be hearing from some of our very own comedians.
Copy deadline is the 10th of each month. Please email all content to shofar@fps.org
From the Rabbi W
e love Jewish humour and Monica, our editor, invited us to share jokes in this edition of Shofar. We’ve gone as far as appealing to our twin congregation in Mogilev to have some Belarusian Jewish humour, too. I don’t know what it is that makes us love such stories. We are in the Hebrew month of Adar, traditionally described according to a famous quote from the Talmud, ‘Mishenichnas Adar marbin b’simchah’ - ‘When Adar enters, we increase joy’ (B. Ta’anit 29a). It was used to mark the contrast with the mourning days of the sadder, summer month of Av. But Purim is traditionally thought to be a joyful time, even when one’s mazal - luck, increases. For many years, Liberal Judaism jettisoned Purim as an uncomfortable holiday, whose text encourages a certain schadenfreude. Like much in our cycle of renewal, Purim has crept back in as a playful holiday that offers fantasy and interesting role models, as well as the most important advice: Take it all with a pinch of salt. This month, I read from a mental health forum that there are five things which ensure equanimity, even happiness: • Be Active • Connect • Take Notice • Keep Learning • Give
rabbi rebecca birk
Doesn’t synagogue life offer them all? Certainly Purim and the giving of Mishloach Manot gift bags do (Beverly Kafka is organising our gifts this year again). And maybe this joke provides some of these, too: Three sons of a Jewish Mother left their homeland, went abroad, and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their ageing mother. Abie, the first son, said, ‘I built a big house for our mother.’ Moishe, the second, said, ‘I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.’ David, the youngest, said, ‘You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible? Now she can’t see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the whole Bible—Mama just has to name the chapter and verse.’ Soon thereafter, a letter of thanks came from their mother: ‘Abie,’ she said, ‘the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Moishe,’ she said, ‘I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver, he wants to take me out and about and I just don’t fancy it. But David,’ she said, ‘the chicken was delicious!’
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From the Chair This
month the Council reviewed this year’s Strategic Plan. We’ve made progress in developing lay leadership of services, with a plan for members to share the Bimah with Rabbi Rebecca in delivering services together (not just to lead services when she isn’t there). We particularly wanted to identify more volunteers who could take on new leadership roles co-ordinating others and taking overall responsibility for projects. Just two examples: Barbara Shulman has set up the General Purposes Committee and, building on Beverley Kafka’s Zoom teas, has reinstated the Monday Afternoon Club; and dream team Josie Kinchin and Jane Greenwood, veterans of many a Liberal Judaism Biennial and organisers extraordinaire, brilliantly balancing overarching strategic vision and minute logistical detail, have agreed to co-ordinate our planning of FPS’s 70th anniversary celebrations. In both of these cases, more participants and volunteers are very much welcomed and very much the point! Our plans for more trips and social activities for adults have been hampered by the pandemic - we’ve had to defer a planned trip to Israel - but our Delvers group has kicked off a monthly series of social activities with a trip to Camden Arts Centre. We also reviewed our plans for fundraising; membership recruitment; community care and welfare; and staffing and HR. Other areas that we’ve discussed recently in council and exec include children’s education (including Ivriah, Tots, Festival Explorers and KT), Health and Safety management and synagogue security. At our next meeting we will 4
tamara joseph
start to discuss our AGM in July, at which we elect our council members. I hope this gives you a sense of the range and scope of what council is responsible for. If you might be interested in coming on to council, please do get in touch. I’d be delighted to talk to you! I’m so grateful for the space that Café Ivriah offers for conversation, reflection and honest and open dialogue, often about areas where we may have profound and honourable differences of view. Adrian chairs with quiet firmness, respect, and interest in everyone’s point of view, enabling participants to articulate and exchange ideas in ways which are always thoughtful and often provisional and exploratory, deeply personal and mutually illuminating. We often find that one person articulates something that others have thought or felt. In this morning’s discussion about atheism, agnosticism and Judaism, it struck me that it takes courage to identify yourself openly in synagogue whether as an atheist, an agnostic, or as believing in God. We found that courage together and it allowed for a powerful conversation about what Judaism really means to us. We talked a lot about Judaism being practised and produced in community. This morning one person said that all of us being there and having these discussions together was what made them a Jew, what it meant to them to be Jewish. Whether we were atheists, theists or agnostics did not prove to be a good predictor of whether we found it easy to find meaning and pleasure in liturgy and services – some love them and some find them frankly boring! We reflected that, even when we may struggle to fully engage with services, we may have already found and created Jewish meaning - or at least the conditions for it - just by showing up. Come along!
From Zoe J
zoe jacobs
ewish jokes really are different from other jokes. There is something selfdeprecating, humble, exhausted about them. They feel Jewish. Does FPS feel Jewish, I wonder? If you walked into our synagogue, momentarily devoid of all Jewish symbols, could you tell it was a Jewish space? If we were all there, would that help? Is there something in the way we speak, our shrug, the littering of Yiddish, the intonation patterns, the topics of conversation? Liberal Judaism pushed away from Purim for a long time. As Britain’s first Liberal Rabbi, Dr Israel Mattuck wrote: ‘The story upon which it is based is historically doubtful. And there are some objectionable features in its celebration. For these reasons, but particularly because it lacks religious significance, many Liberal synagogues do not observe it.’ We joke ‘They tried to kill us, we fought, we won, we eat!’ But is Purim a step too far? Not only did we fight and win, but we murdered, too… Progressive Judaism aims to entwine modern British life with the traditional. But sometimes, don’t you wish you could just let
go? Stop the stiff upper lip Brits are so famous for. Abandon polite conversation about the weather. Refuse to comply with the tidy, standon-the-left escalator rule. There is something so Jewish about chaos. About letting go and truly rejoicing, truly grieving, truly feeling everything. And so, Purim to me is quintessentially Jewish. We don’t need to support our ancestors’ bloodthirsty response, in order to dive deeply into Purim. To lean into the heroism, the action, the tension… And to dress up? To feel foolish, to laugh heartily at your friends and family? Excellent. So this year, we’re inviting you to dive deeply into Purim. From 1.00pm on Saturday, 19 March we have all the joy, the competition, the silliness, and the storytelling you could want: 1.00pm - 4.00pm: Community Purim Car Rally (adventurous scavenger hunt around Barnet, Price: £15 per car – includes clues, snacks, cream tea, and a donation to Comic Relief) 5.00pm: Community Purim Spiel (Price: fancy dress – or at least a silly hat) And we know on Sunday, we can spend a quiet morning reading the paper, commenting on the daffodils, bemoaning the drizzle, and putting on our wellies. But join us on Saturday the 19th - and let loose!
defibrillator update
young people, but of course older folk with heart conditions and the nearest registered defibrillator to our building is at Woodhouse College, in Woodhouse Road. I appealed to you all for help and heaved a huge sigh of relief in the first week of February when Stanley Volk, a hard worker from the new General Purposes Committee, confirmed he had
May I remind you via an extract of my article in Shofar last summer: A defibrillator is a device that gives a high energy electric shock to the heart of someone who is in cardiac arrest. This high energy shock is called defibrillation and it’s an essential part in trying to save the life of someone who’s in cardiac arrest. It is a life-saver, not only for
Continued on page 6 5
Notice Board together with barnet night shelter update
For the last few months, FPS has been able to support the Night Shelter, which has had to move into a hotel during the COVID outbreak. Our stalwart volunteers have been cooking and taking meals to the hotel in Golders Green and their efforts have been much appreciated by the guests, who would like to say a big ‘Thank You!’ It can be more difficult in these circumstances, as one is cooking for people one can’t see nor meet. In earlier years, we have been able to the big barnet sleepout
Saturday 26 March, 8.00pm-7.00am The Big Barnet Sleepout is both a fundraiser and an attempt to raise awareness of Homelessness in Barnet. There are various ways to get involved! 1. You can join us sleeping out at the main site, raising sponsorship. 2. You can sponsor someone from the community who is sleeping out. 3. You can join a group of friends, building a shelter anywhere - indoors or outdoors. defibrillator / cont. from p.5
mounted our new defibrillator on the wall in the sanctuary, adjacent to the kitchen. Through Shofar, may I extend heartfelt thanks for the generosity of several people who contributed more than enough to its cost, leaving us with a little over for first aid training. To be honest, the defibrillator doesn’t really need much training but our staff do need to update their first aid knowledge - not just the staff, but volunteers who spend time in our building for services and events. Who knows when an accident or heart
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build a rapport with the guests, who have become our friends. Up till the date of writing, we have helped 20 people and 11 have moved on into more long-term accommodation. The shelter will finish this year on the 3 March, but the work will continue, alongside HAB (Homeless Action in Barnet) to support people both in finding somewhere to live and in supporting them to move on successfully in the future. To these ends, TIB and HAB are joining forces for the Big Barnet Sleep Out - details below! Andrea Narcin Be as imaginative as you like! This may be particularly suitable for the younger members of the community who have always asked how they can get involved, but have been too young to work directly with the guests. The first thing to do is to set up your fundraiser page on Justgiving and start drumming up support for the Big Barnet Sleep Out! For further information, please contact me at andrea_narcin@yahoo.co.uk attack might happen. We will ask our tenant, Southover, if they wish to participate in the defibrillator training because as a school, I am sure they probably have a qualified first aider on site. Thank you Donors, you may have saved a life. Josie Kinchin
FPS People’s Page people
forthcoming marriage in March
welcome to new members
condolences to
Anthony Cohn; Adam & Karolina Landes; Diane Gelon; Helen Hooper; Marie Steven
Carmen Menegazzi on the death of her mother Fernanda
mazal tov to
happy birthday to the following members
Laura Lassman & Sheila & Lionel King Lassman on the arrival of Isabella Lassman, daughter to Daniel & Arta; The Joseph Miller family on their new home; Louise Tolton & Josh Jackman on their
who celebrate milestone birthdays in March: Sacha Conroy, Gaby Essinger, Steven Garbutt, Karen Glaser, Anita Greene, Penny Hulton, Anya Levy, David Lewis, Paul Silver-Myer, Olivia Sopel, Abi Wharton
Three generations of Trenners: from right Lesley, Tiffany and Jonah
Beit Tefillah
services at fps
services- march / shvat - adar Join us either at FPS or via Zoom, Facebook or FPS YouTube channel Friday 4 March 6.30pm Kabbalat Shabbat Service Saturday 5 March
11.00am Shabbat Service
Friday 11 March
6.30pm Kabbalat Shabbat Service
Saturday 12 March
11.00am Shabbat Service
Friday 18 March
6.30pm Shabbat Resouled
Saturday 19 March
11.00am Shabbat Service 5.00pm Megillah Reading
Friday 25 March
6.30pm Kabbalat Shabbat Service
Saturday 26 March
11.00am Shabbat Service
A note about Family Announcements. Please let the office know when you have good news to share, grandchildren born, photos, joy to mark. We want to capture them all. So please help us not to miss your life cycle moments. shofar@fps.org pauline@fps.org
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Beit Tefillah the great fps purim rally!
This year we’re inviting you for a different kind of Purim. Post Covid, a chance to be together and on the move. The Purim Rally means we invite you to come in your cars, share with
ad
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services at fps
others, ask us to join you with a car share for a Purim Car Treasure Hunt - it sounds strange but trust us, it will be very fun! Share the afternoon with us and be rewarded with a Purim Cream Tea and Spiel, or come for the bits you fancy, just let us know. 1.00-4.00pm Purim Car Rally: adventurous scavenger hunt around Barnet and Hertfordshire. Suitable for children over 10 years old. £15 per car – includes clues, snacks, and a fantastic cream tea on your return. A proportion of this money will go towards Comic Relief. 5.00pm Community Purim Spiel. Do come in fancy dress or at least a jolly hat.
Beit Knesset
community events, all welcome!
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Beit Midrash Thursday 2 March, 7.30-9.00 pm Beit Midrash presents Ernie Hunter, who last year gave us a wonderful presentation about his mother’s story. Ordinary Germans in Extraordinary Times, 1902-1945 Anton Hundsdorfer, Ernie’s father, was born in Bavaria, Germany in 1902 and brought up in his step-father’s home in Bohdasice, in the German-speaking part of what became Czechoslovakia. He arrived in Munich after Germany lost WW1, at the time when a shortlived Communist Bavarian Republic was being formed. The ideals of communism and democracy made a lifelong impression on Anton and he became a functionary of the KPD [Kommunistische Partei Deutschland] and a political opponent of the Nazis. When Hitler took control of Germany in 1933, Anton, as a political opponent, had to flee for his life, living undercover, leaving his
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coming up at fps
daughter Sonja behind. He reached the UK as a refugee in 1939. Sonja was brought up as an orphan in Germany. Meanwhile, Anton’s family were subject to imprisonment, torture, and murder in Dachau concentration camp. Miraculously, within days of the end of WW2 in Europe, Anton managed to make contact with his daughter and family. A lesson for today drawn from the story is the importance of free speech and democracy in preventing persecutions/genocides. Ernie, founder and Chair of Northern Holocaust Education Group, is an accredited volunteer Holocaust educator giving talks to schools, museums, and groups in the UK and Germany. The son of refugees, he is passionate about the importance of Holocaust education today in ensuring we all stand up against antiSemitism, discrimination, and racism.
Kenwood Horticultural Tour On 23 January we had a real treat – a guided tour of the trees of Kenwood with FPS member Dan Rosenberg. After some confusion about which is the back of Kenwood and which is the front, Dan began by saying that he had been misdescribed in the community e-mails as an arborist, when he is in fact ‘only’ a gardener. He is, in fact, one of four full-time gardeners at Kenwood – a horticulturist, an historian, an enthusiast, and an incredibly delightful and engaging communicator and teacher. The lucky 20 who had seized the available places on the tour were very happy just to be meeting up as a group out-of-doors, and to have an opportunity to learn outside while walking about, but whatever expectations we had before we came, they were certainly exceeded! Many of us have been coming to Kenwood all of our lives and/or for many decades, but we all learned so much about it and were able to look at it with new eyes. Dan had been delving through the Kenwood archives to bring us insights into the history of the estate and its wonderful trees. Did you know that the original route of Hampstead Lane ran directly behind the house, and that Humphry Repton advised moving it further north, placing an area of ancient woodland between the house and the road? Or that he planned the sweeping double drive and built-up, high banks along it so that those approaching the house wouldn’t see it until the last moment, when it would be revealed as an ‘Aha’ moment? Or that there are, in fact, two areas of ancient woodland on the estate, with different histories, one of them formerly a royal hunting ground? Or that
tamara joseph
an ancient woodland is an area that has been woodland continuously for more than 600 years, allowing it to build up an exceptional level of biodiversity and complex ecosystems? Did you know that Kenwood has three Sites of Special Scientific Interest, including the Sphagnum Bog? Do you know what a Ha-Ha is and where to find one at Kenwood? Or where the various lines of ancient boundary oaks are, which once marked parish boundaries, or how to find the Saxon ditch, noted in the Domesday book? Did you know that the limetree avenue pre-dates the various grand extensions to the original building, suffered great losses in the Great Storm of 1987, and that the new trees planted to replace the lost ones are genetically identical to the originals, having been cultivated from layerings of their roots? Did you know that the first Pocket-Handkerchief tree in the UK came to Kew in 1903, and that Kenwood has one of the oldest, planted in 1909, and that it is still rare in the UK because it is so difficult to meet the requirements of the seeds for germination in our climate? I hope Dan will forgive me for any errors that have crept in here – because I’m remembering favourite moments from this tour four weeks later. All I can say is that if I’ve got it all wrong, all the more reason why he should write a book! At the end of the tour, Dan agreed to do another one for us sometime soon. It really was one of the most enjoyable, stimulating, and entertaining things I’ve done this year, so when the next one comes up, do make sure to grab a place on it!
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Notice Board board of deputies report
In my December report, I promised a report of the special Open Meeting on the Assisted Dying Bill. I gave a presentation on behalf of Liberal Judaism. The Bill was introduced by Baroness Meacher in the House of Lords on the 26 May 2021 and has had its second reading in both Houses and is now at the committee stage. In short, Liberal Judaism is a keen and active supporter of the Bill - the Orthodox in general are not. As always, there are diverse views in all ‘brands’ and across all the affiliated religious groups on the Board. Here comes the Jewish joke- 250 jews and 500 Jewish opinions!! This is not the equivalent of an assisted suicide, which will remain illegal. There are many proposed checks and balances; the first is that the deceased must be of sound mind with a firm, medically certified prognosis of less than 6 months. They are independently counselled and tested as to their intentions. They may change their mind at any time. The application for assisted death must be approved by a High Court Judge. This is not a case of killing off a relative to inherit their estate. The Family Law Group of the Board, on which I represent Liberal Judaism, expressed the view recommended to the Executive which has been accepted - that this is a personal decision for each Jewish person to be taken by them without influence, fear or favour, and thus not a matter for the Board to advise, persuade, or issue guidance. The most controversial issue to hit the headlines concerning the Board since my last report concerned what has been construed as anti-Islamic comments by one of the JNF Trustees. Our President made a public statement disassociating the Board from such comments and speaking out against anti-Islamic remarks. 12
The JNF chair was backed by another JNF Trustee, Gary Mond, who was also senior Vice-President of the Board chairing the Communities Division. He stood down as a Deputy and thus, as Vice President, almost immediately. A motion was presented to the Board’s last plenary on the 26 January censoring the JNF for failure to disavow the ‘inflammatory and bigoted remarks’ of its chair. It was passed by 64% of those present. Janet Tresman
Jewish Humour A
sking me to write an article on the theme of Jewish humour may not have been the editor’s finest moment. I was once part of a small team, writing limericks for a Jewish Arts and Listings magazine; I’ll respect the reputations of my co-writers by not naming them. Our verse prompted angry letters of complaint. Some readers cancelled their subscriptions. The magazine folded after seven years (I still believe this had nothing to do with us). That said, I’m treading carefully and will avoid inclusion of any limericks. Defining Jewish humour is about as straightforward as organising the Shabbat security rota. But the word ‘inclusion’ may provide a starting point. Freud noticed that Jewish humour’s uniqueness stems from mocking the ‘in-group’ (ourselves) rather than the ‘other’, though he also saw elements of self-praise as well as selfdeprecation. So, Jewish humour sends Jews up and elevates them at the same time? That sounds about right. For example: Rabbi Altmann and his secretary are sitting in a Berlin coffeehouse in 1935. ‘Herr Altmann,’ the secretary says, ‘you’re reading Der Stürmer! A Nazi libel sheet! Are you some kind of masochist, or, worse still, a selfhating Jew?’ ‘On the contrary, Frau Epstein. All I learn about in the Jewish papers are pogroms, riots in Palestine, and assimilation. But reading Der Stürmer, I see the Jews control the banks, that we dominate the arts, and are on the verge of taking over the world. It makes me feel a whole lot better!’
james woolf
Perhaps this mocks both the perpetrators of anti-Semitic rhetoric and us as the recipients. Or is it elevating us – able to laugh in the face of a perilous situation – over others? Laughing at the ‘in group’ takes many forms, of course, from harnessing home truths: What’s the difference between a Jewish mother and a rottweiler? The rottweiler eventually lets go. To flirting with stereotypes: At the funeral of the richest man in town, a stranger sees a woman weeping piteously. ‘Are you a relative of the deceased?’ he asks. ‘No.’ ‘So why are you crying like that?’ ‘That’s why!’ The use of this old trope is dangerously close to being offensive, surely? And talking of offensive… back to our limericks. ‘No, I won’t.’ ‘Oh, go on, then!’ ‘Alright, you’ve talked me into it.’ I remember the year before last, The Shammus could not keep his fast. When he and the Rab Shared a doner kebab, The Chazzan looked pretty aghast.
James Woolf’s humorous play Jo and Sam Find Themselves in Woking will be running at the Hen and Chickens Theatre, 5 – 23 April (Tuesdays – Saturdays 7.30pm & Saturday Matinees 3.00pm).
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They laughed when I said I was going to learn stand-up. They’re not laughing now* I’ve always wanted to release my inner standup comedian, so when a friend recommended a course, I decided it was about time I shook my life up a bit. (This was 2019 - little did I know how much excitement was just around the corner!) But I was sceptical. Wouldn’t it be all 22-year-old boys making tedious, woke jokes peppered with sexist swearing? I turned up at the Museum of Comedy in Bloomsbury where I met the other participants - all ages, friendly, normal... The course ran over several weekends, culminating in a live performance - the very thought of which made me come out in a hot flush. During that time, we learned theories about humour, joke construction, and audience engagement. The teacher’s main message was that comedy is about setting free your ‘inner idiot’ whilst letting people see your personal take on the madness of life. And of course there were lots of exercises. My go-to subject was online dating because it’s such a rich area for comedy. So when the exercise was ‘Lists’, I chose What not to put on your dating profile. Things like
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lesley trenner
‘I don’t hit women’ and ‘If you have money problems or a sick relative, it is unreasonable to ask a potential boyfriend to step in’ (genuine examples, folks!) And for another exercise called ‘I wanted, I’d settle for, I got’, I said ‘I wanted an emotionally intelligent, Jew-ish Adonis’, I’d settle for a man who owns a shirt, can spell, and isn’t actively anti-Semitic, I got a request for an indecent photo from a 90-year-old QAnon enthusiast’. The exercises were good for rehearsing and steadying the nerves but as I walked up to the stage for the final performance, my heart was pounding so loudly I thought the audience might think it was a clever special effect. I kicked off with ‘Can you hear me at the back?’ paused, then added ‘My therapist says it’s important for me to be heard’. They laughed, I did my schtick, took a bow, sprinted back to my seat, and started breathing again. * With apologies to Bob Hope ** Lesley’s trainer is Logan Murray https://loganmurray.com/ *** If you really want to see the video, go onto YouTube and search for Comedy Video 2019 Trenner
Fun & Funny a collection of jewish jokes contributed by members of fps and our twin congregation in mogilev
The first Jewish President of the United States was inaugurated and the first Jewish holiday that followed was Purim. So he calls up his mother to invite her to the White House to celebrate. Their conversation goes something like this: President: Mom, with Purim being the first holiday after my inauguration, I want you to join us at the White House to celebrate. Mom: Oh, I don’t know. I’ll have to get to the airport and… President: Mom, I’m the President of the United States. I’ll send a limo for you that’ll take you straight to the airport!
fps & mogilev community members
Mom: Hello, Sadie?! Guess what? I’m spending Purim at my son’s house! Sadie: Oh, the doctor? Mom: No, the other one.
King Arthur was inspecting his knights on parade; their armour gleaming in the sunlight, the plumes standing proudly on their helmets. When the King reached the end of the row, he saw a bedraggled fellow with rusty chainmail and drooping feathers. The King was puzzled. He turned to his Lieutenant and asked, ‘Ma nishtana ha laila hazeh?’
Mom: OK, but when I get to the airport, I’ll have to stand in line to buy a ticket and check my baggage. Oh, it will be so difficult for me. President: Mom, don’t worry about standing in lines or any of that. I’m the most powerful person in the world. I’m the President! I’ll send Air Force One for you. Mom: Well, OK. But when I get to Washington, I’ll have to find a cab and… President: Momma, please! I’ll have a helicopter waiting for you. It will bring you right to the White House lawn.
Becky’s husband Solly had died, so she put a notice in the Jewish Chronicle which read ‘Solly has died.’ This was followed by her address and phone number. The next day, Becky had a phone call from the advertising editor who pointed out that for the same cost, she could have six words. So Becky submitted another statement for the memorial section which stated ‘Solly has died. Volvo for sale.’
Mom: Well, yeah. But where will I stay? Can I get a hotel room? President: Momma, we have this whole big White House. There will be plenty of room! Please join us for Purim? Mom: Ok, I’ll be there. Two seconds later, she calls her friend:
Two elderly Jewish women are eating at a diner in the Catskills. One says ‘Boy, the food at this place is really terrible’. The other says, ‘Yeah, I know. And such small portions’.
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Fun & Funny John Robinson took up a new position as a paediatrician in a hospital in North West London. Originally from Liverpool, Dr. Robinson didn’t have much experience with the Jewish community. But what he did have was experience with kids, and he always liked to break the ice with his young patients by testing their knowledge of body parts. On his first day, while pointing to little Shmueli Zimmerman’s ear, Dr. Robinson asked him, ‘Is this your nose?’ Immediately, Shmueli turned to his mother and said, ‘Mummy, I think we’d better find a new doctor!’
A Jew is shipwrecked on a desert island. Ten years later, a passing ship notices his campfire and stops to rescue him. When the captain comes ashore, the castaway thanks him profusely and offers to give him a tour of the little island. He shows off the weapons he made for hunting, the fire pit where he cooks his food, the synagogue he built for praying in, and the hammock where he sleeps. On their way back to the ship, however, the captain notices a second synagogue. ‘I don’t understand,’ the captain asks. ‘Why did you need to build two synagogues?’ ‘Oh,’ says the Jew, ‘this is the one I would never set foot in!’
fps & mogilev community members
Morry is looking at the dog, and the dog is davening. Morry says to Hymie ‘Y’know, that dog should be a rabbi.’ ‘You tell him,’ says Hymie. ‘He wants to be an accountant.’
A Jewish grandfather takes his grandchildren to the beach. They’re playing in the sand when suddenly, a massive wave comes and pulls the smallest grandson out into the water. Panicked, the grandfather prays to God. ‘Oh God, please bring him back! Please let him live!’ Suddenly, an even bigger wave bursts out of the ocean, setting the little boy down right at his grandfather’s feet. He scoops him up into a hug. Then he stares up at the sky and says, ‘He had a hat’.
‘How does Moses make his tea?’ ‘Hebrews it!’
God told Moses to come forth. He came fifth, instead, and won a teapot.
What’s the blessing after shopping online? Birkat Amazon Hymie is taking the dog to shul. The dog is wearing a kippah and a tallit. 16
Fun & Funny A little old woman is sitting on a park bench. A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, ‘Are you a stranger here?’ He replies, ‘I used to live here years ago.’ ‘So, where were you all these years?’ ‘In prison,’ he says. ‘For what did they put you in prison?’ He looks at her and very quietly says, ‘I killed my wife.’ ‘Oh,’ says the woman. ‘So, you’re single?’
A Jewish mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Michael, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. ‘What happened Michael?’ she asks anxiously. ‘What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife - your daughter - telling her I was coming home today from my golf trip. I got home and guess what I found? My wife with another man! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I’m done and am leaving forever!’ ‘Ah now, calm down, calm down Michael,’ says his mother-in-law. ‘There is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I’ll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened.’ Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. ‘Michael, dear. I told you there was a simple explanation. She never got your email!’
fps & mogilev community members
In Belarus one Friday afternoon, Dovid was walking from the Sidransky bathhouse. He was in a hurry. In a few hours, three stars would appear in the sky and Shabbat would arrive. On the way back home, Dovid met Mendel, his friend. Mendel greeted Dovid but at first, Dovid didn’t answer and then rudely said ‘Kush mir in tuchus!’ (‘Kiss my a&$!) The next day, they met at shul. After prayers, Dovid approached Mendel and warmly greeted him. Mendel was outraged. ‘Only yesterday you were rude to me but today, you offer your friendship?!’ ‘Listen, you should understand me,’ Dovid said. ‘It’s winter now, it’s cold outside. I walked out of the bath, hot and sweaty. If I stopped to talk to you, of course you would ask ‘Well, how was the bath? Was it warm? Was the water hot? Was the steam good? How was the steamer? Did he spank you well?’ At this time, a chilling wind would surely blow, and I could catch a cold and die. Now, I’m healthy, you’re healthy, and we’ll both have a pleasant Shabbat. Good Shabbos!’
Thanks to our Joke Contributors: Rabbi Rebecca Birk, Marilyn Branston, Braham Fredman, Daniel Epstein, Paul Richman, Lilian Gellnick, B. Ross, Zoe Jacobs, Charlotte D’Alton Eldridge, Josie Kinchin, Monica Rabinowitz, Michael Kemerov
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kt holocaust memorial day service
Our Kabbalat Torah teenagers wrote and took the service for Holocaust Memorial Day. For the last twelve weeks they have been participating in the Rabbi Harry Jacobi Memorial Project, developed by Zoe Jacobs and Lesley Urbach with Rabbis Richard and Margaret Jacobi. The programme enables our teenagers to explore the Holocaust through personal stories - those of our own members and their families and linking the experiences of the Holocaust to social justice today. As part of the project, they went to Beth Shalom in Nottingham, the only dedicated Holocaust museum in the UK. There they met Holocaust survivor, Janine Webber BEM. So taken were they by her story, her energy, and her compassion, they asked if she could speak to the whole community for Holocaust Memorial Day. Janine Webber told her story to a captive audience of 50 people in the synagogue and 100 more at home. As Rabbi Rebecca said, ‘Extraordinary Janine Webber told us her nightmares stopped when she started telling her story. Our children led us in the Shema and
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said that they had listened carefully and with gratitude to all she shared, and so did everyone else in our hybrid sanctuary last night. It was incredible’. The preparation, writing, and practising for the event were invaluable skills for our KT class to hone, ready for the culmination of the Kabbalat Torah programme - their service in the summer.
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Contacts
fps website: www.fps.org
finchley progressive synagogue
Life Presidents: Sheila King Lassman, Alan Banes
54 Hutton Grove N12 8DR 020 8446 4063 www.fps.org facebook.com/finchleyprog
Vice Presidents: Cathy Burnstone, Renzo Fantoni, Josie Kinchin, Alex KinchinSmith, Laura Lassman, Lionel King Lassman, John Lewis, Andrea Rappoport, Joan Shopper
Rabbi Rebecca Birk – rabbi@fps.org Emeritus Rabbi: Dr Frank Hellner
contacts
Community Development Manager: Zoe Jacobs – zoe@fps.org Musicians in Residence: Franklyn Gellnick, Dean Staker Synagogue Manager: Pauline Gusack pauline@fps.org
Board of Deputies Reps: Janet Tresman, Stanley Volk Beit Midrash (Adult Education): Adrian Lister adrian@fps.org Beit Tefillah (Rites & Practices): Valerie Joseph valerie@fps.org
executive 2021
Community Support Coordinator: Beverley Kafka, beverley@fps.org
Chair: Tamara Joseph, chair@fps.org Vice Chair: Ann Pelham, apelham@fps.org Treasurer: Roy Balint-Kurti, treasurer@fps.org
Website Editor: Philip Karstadt fpswebsite@fps.org
Honorary Secretary: Paula Kinchin-Smith honsec@fps.org
Shofar Editor: Monica Rabinowitz shofar@fps.org
board members
Shofar Team: Deb Hermer, Wika Dorosz & FPS Staff; shofar@fps.org
Gordon Greenfield, gordon@fps.org Beverley Kafka, beverley@fps.org Sam King, sam@fps.org Mike Rocks, mike@fps.org
The Finchley Progressive Synagogue is a company limited by guarantee (Company No 9365956) and a registered charity (Charity No 1167285) whose registered office is 54 Hutton Grove, Finchley, London N12 8DR
President: Paul Silver-Myer, paulsm@fps.org
ashley page insurance brokers Commerce House 2a Litchfield Grove London N3 2TN Tel. 020 8349 5100
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