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Ingredients of a Lasting Legacy by Dr. Patrick Morley
How will you be remembered? Most likely you will not be remembered by many people, and not for long by most of those who do. For example, 44Several times recently I have asked someone, “Does the name Tom
Skinner ring a bell?” I’ve been a little startled when they said, “No.” How could the memory of the greatest black evangelist of the twentieth century so quickly pass into obscurity? 44Recently I was thinking about several of the great men who built our community—men responsible for our highways, parks, and local universities. Their contributions have long since been forgotten, as well as their names. 44A famous Bible teacher died a few years ago. I cannot, for the life of me, remember his name. 44I cannot remember the first name of my great-grandfather. Can you? And so it goes. Given the brevity of personal notoriety, what can we invest in that will leave a lasting legacy? And what should be our realistic expectations?
A Realistic Legacy Jim is twenty years older than me, yet we have always co-labored in ministry together. My wife and I were honored to be invited, along with about 40 other guests, to his 50th wedding anniversary. Also in attendance were his happy wife, his children who flew in for the occasion, and his pastor who thought enough of him to comment on his life. In his case, no one from his work attended. And he was very happy. Wouldn’t it be enough to discover that a happy wife, children who still want to be around you, a pastor who would be willing to say something nice about you, and about 40 friends were willing to assemble and celebrate your life? What more can a man really want? It’s a realistic and lasting legacy. How can you and I achieve such a legacy? Here are a few ideas to consider….
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Idea #1: Decide What Is Important and Write It Down Make a list of what you think is most important, frame it, and hang it where you will see it regularly. Twenty-five years ago I did just that. I made a list of my ten most important philosophies, values, and beliefs. They hang on a wall in my office in plain view….
What’s Important? 44To love God and His Son, Jesus Christ. 44To keep family life as our highest priority after God. 44To invest in people and relationships. 44To think and act with integrity. 44To pursue excellence in every undertaking. 44To express gratitude whenever possible. 44To lead a disciplined, prudent life. 44To acquire wisdom in humility and the fear of the Lord. 44To trust God completely and not worry about life’s many cares. 44To live by setting and working toward realistic goals.
These are the standards by which I have measured my life. These are the particular ways I have articulated my understanding of the Bible. Since a legacy is what you leave behind, for me a lasting legacy is everyone in my family loving and serving Christ. That’s first and foremost. Second, a lasting legacy is to have invited as many as possible to join us in eternal life. A distant third might be to have someone stand at my funeral and proclaim, “He did what he said was important. He loved the Lord and his family. He invested his life into people and relationships. His life displayed the integrity, excellence, and gratitude which he prized. He led a disciplined life, pursuing wisdom and humility in faith. And he was a hard worker. And also, he was content, at peace, and joyful.” What’s on your list? What are the ingredients of your lasting legacy? Try it. Make a list. You can frame and hang it, or you can put it on a piece of paper that you leave in your Bible. The more you look at it, the more impact it will have on your thinking.
Idea #2: Make Memories Frankly, I do not remember many of the routines of my childhood. Do you? Instead, I remember the special occasions and memorable experiences. I remember crabbing off a bridge with a chicken neck on a string, being the king of my sixth grade class, surf fishing with my family at the beach, and shooting a rabbit that didn’t die right away. continued on page 4
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continued from page 3 Spend time with your children. Love is spelled T – I – M – E. I dated my children. Every Tuesday night I took one of them out for dinner and an activity. My son liked go-carts. My daughter liked the mall. They both loved being with their dad. My adult son told me, “Dad, I want to have a job like you did because I can never remember you missing a single one of my games, and I want to do that for my kids too.” Kids remember the funniest things, but they all remember that time = love. Vacations are show stoppers in the memory bank. That’s because they break with routine. They’re special memories. The brain secretes chemicals that burn special experiences into our brains—bad as well as good. Be sure to make vacations different and special. Another growing up memory of mine was of wanting to know God. As an altar boy, I used to pour over the prayers hoping that I would experience the presence of God. One childhood memory I definitely do not have is that of receiving Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and Lord. How different might life have been if I had responded to the gospel at an early age? Make sure to make the gospel known to your children from their youngest age. That’s the one memory that will most alter their lives.
Ideas #3: Practice Spiritual Disciplines A legacy doesn’t just happen; it takes diligence, forethought, planning, and execution. One of the oldest traditions of Christian faith is the practice of spiritual disciplines. The spiritual disciplines are how we keep our lives focused on the ingredients of a lasting legacy. Spiritual disciplines do nothing to improve your record with God—that’s what Christ did on the Cross. But they do deepen and enrich our spiritual lives. There are many lists of the disciplines, each somewhat different. My top 12 includes creation, the Bible, prayer, worship, the Sabbath, fellowship, counsel, fasting, spiritual warfare, stewardship, service, and evangelism. Almost any Christian virtue or duty can be turned into a discipline. Spiritual disciplines will help get you where you want to go—to a lasting legacy. Here are four disciplines that are on my “must do” list.
1. Be part of a disciple-making church. The mission is, “Go and make disciples.” If you are not in a church that’s focused on the mission you’re in the wrong place.
2. Read the Bible for yourself. The Bible is God speaking to us. You will not grow deeply until you set aside quiet times when, without interruptions and distractions, you can tune your ears to hear the speech of God.
3. Participate in a men’s small group. Couples groups are good, but there is an unparalleled bond that develops in a men’s small group. In our experience, most meaningful change takes place in the context of small group relationships.
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4. Pray for your wife, and, if possible, with her. Easily the number one issue facing men is that marriages are not working correctly. One of the most powerful solutions is to pray for and with your wife. Why not give these ideas a try? A list of what’s really important to you reviewed regularly, a plan to make memories with your children, and a commitment to practice spiritual disciplines. These may not be all of the ingredients of a lasting legacy, but they seem more than adequate to assemble your wife, your children, your pastor, and 40 friends.
For more information on leaving a legacy for your children, see The Dad in the Mirror chapter 5.
• Dr. patrick morley
After building one of Florida’s 100 largest privately held companies, in 1991 Dr. Patrick Morley founded Man in the Mirror, a non-profit organization to help men find meaning and purpose in life. Dr. Morley is the bestselling author of The Man in the Mirror, No Man Left Behind, Dad in the Mirror, and A Man’s Guide to the Spiritual Disciplines.
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Loving Others Changes the World
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by Dr. Patrick Morley and David Delk . Excerpt from The Dad in the Mirror Damien de Veuster was born in the middle of the nineteenth century to Belgian farmers. After completing his education, he became a priest and joined the Fathers of the Sacred Hearts. His order sent him as a missionary to Hawaii, where he arrived in 1865. The increasing numbers of Europeans traveling to Hawaii at the time brought new diseases for which the natives had no immunity: smallpox, influenza, cholera, and, most dreaded of all, leprosy. In 1868, the Hawaiian government established a leper colony on the island of Molokai in an attempt to contain the spread of the disease. During the next five years the government sent nearly one thousand lepers to the colony. The stark conditions—no houses, no facilities—forced the lepers to take shelter in caves or under trees. No one from the government or health department dared live in the colony. Father Damien lived in Kohala, but he began to think more and more about the lepers on Molokai. The love of Christ compelled him. In Father Damien knew he May 1873, Father Damien’s superiors approved his would inevitably get leprosy. request to move his ministry He reconciled himself to this to the leper settlement.
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fact and faithfully served the people of the leper colony.
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When he arrived, Father Damien took shelter under a large tree. The human disfigurement and the smell of rotting flesh overwhelmed his senses. But he believed God had called him to love these people. He began to meet their physical needs, changing their bandages and treating their wounds. A skilled carpenter himself, he taught them how to build houses. The lepers eventually built a large chapel, where Father Damien held services. From the start, Father Damien knew he would inevitably get leprosy. He reconciled himself to this fact and faithfully served the people of the leper colony for almost sixteen years until his own death in April 1889. Father Damien has received honor throughout the world for his compassion, courage, and love. His bronze figure resides in the statuary hall in Washington, D.C. What kind of father did Damien have? Surely, the seed of Damien’s love for others found good soil within him, but it takes a father to make this kind of love grow. What would happen if our generation of fathers could grow one hundred men and women like Father Damien? What about one thousand? What about ten thousand? The answer is simple: we would change the world. From where will the next Father Damien come? Make a prayerful commitment right now to father your child’s heart to love God and others. If you do, the next Father Damien may be as close as your child’s bedroom.
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Monday—July 20 • The Unmerited Love of God
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8, nkjv I wasn’t a very pleasant person in my young adult life. I was angry. I was moody. I was selfish. I was ruthless. And I was filled with self-pity. Even now I can remember all the stupid, petty, insignificant, inconsequential things that I allowed to become bigger and more important than my relationships, including my relationship with my wife. But when I get my mind right, I am reminded once again of this incredible, amazing woman that God has given me. And when I think of that, I remember God’s chesed, His kindness—that He has demonstrated in so many ways. Today I have two grown children walking with the Lord. I have a successful career, and a ministry through which I help people
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connect with Jesus Christ. The passage of 2 Samuel chapter 9 is worth re-reading, just to be reminded of this loving-kindness. I was a cripple like Mephibosheth. You’re probably a cripple, too. God’s kindness is undeserved, unrequired, unrequested, unmerited, and unconditional. Today is the day to remember that God doesn’t love you because of your goodness, but in spite of your badness. MIMBS 3 If you’re going through a difficult season, consider the love that God has shown you and the blessing He’s given you. Make a list and share it with other men in your group. Daily Reading: 2 Chronicles 1:1-3:17, Romans 6:1-23, Psalm 16:1-11, Proverbs 19:20-21
Tuesday—July 21 • The Kindness that Leads to Repentance Do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance? Romans 2:4, nkjv
All of us are spiritual cripples. Just as Mephibosheth, we cannot walk too far without falling down and needing Christ’s help. Chesed points us to Christ. David was a type of Christ. He was not the Messiah, but he was a type of messiah—an anointed one. In fact, Jesus Himself was born out of David’s blood line. By studying David’s life, such as his kindness to Mephibosheth, we can see how God bestows His chesed on cripples. Sometimes we stumble. Sometimes we fall. Sometimes we walk with a limp. And then seemingly out of nowhere, God shows us His
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kindness. And it is God’s kindness, not His wrath or His discipline, that leads us to repentance. This goodness, this mercy, this loving-kindness—He uses all of them to take care of us. In spite of all the little things that go wrong and the trouble we have walking, He is always there to pick us up and point us in the right direction. MIMBS 3 How has God’s kindness led you to repentance in the past? How might He be leading you now? Daily Reading: 2 Chronicles 4:1-6:11, Romans 7:1-13, Psalm 17:1-15, Proverbs 19:22-23
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Wednesday—July 22 • Practicing Kindness For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. John 3:16, nkjv
How do we practice this chesed—the kindness of God? I’ll give you a couple of thoughts to think about. First, it might be good to spend some time recalling God’s chesed in your own life. Your circumstances may not change, but your perspective will. Simply dwelling on God’s loving-kindnesses to you and thanking Him for it can change your attitude. Second, find someone who is crippled. If you’re not doing all that well, maybe you are the cripple and you need someone to extend kindness and encouragement to you. But if you’re doing okay, find someone else who needs some of God’s kindness—preferably someone who
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could do nothing for you in return. If it is someone who is not a believer, share John 3:16 with him. Share the ultimate gift of God’s kindness—your faith. Or, if they are a believer and they need a word of encouragement, figure out what it is and then do some unexpected, undeserved and extreme act of kindness for them. MIMBS 3 Spend the next few days dwelling on the kindness of God in your life. Then choose someone for whom you can show kindness and offer encouragement. Daily Reading: 2 Chronicles 6:12-8:10, Romans 7:14-8:8, Psalm 18:1-15, Proverbs 19:24-25
Thursday—July 23 • Calling vs. Ambition I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit. Ephesians 3:16
I know a man who has a small business, and some time ago he had the best month that he had ever had. He doubled what he had done the previous month, to the tune of a $100,000 net. A man who worked for him said, “He wasn’t happy one day during the whole month.” How does that happen? That kind of success doesn’t necessarily fulfill a person. There’s a kind of success that comes from our calling, and another kind of success that’s a result of our ambition. One is a biblical concept born out of hearing and following God’s will. The other is generally a worldly concept born out of following our own dreams and desires without really knowing if God has called us to
that particular enterprise. And that makes all the difference. We’ve all known people who have every reason to be happy, but they’re not. And we’ve all known people who have every reason to complain, but they don’t. One of the reasons for that is many people have the wrong view of what success really is. MIMBS 4 How would you define your successes? Are they ambition-based or call-based? Daily Reading: 2 Chronicles 8:11-10:19, Romans 8:9-25, Psalm 18:16-36, Proverbs 19:26
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q Friday, Saturday, Sunday—July 24, 25, 26 • Your Core Calling As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Ephesians 4:1 Here are a few scriptures to meditate on as you think about the subject of God’s core calling on your life. In Ephesians 3, Paul says, “I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever! Amen” (vv. 16–21). Calling-driven success is the kind that maximizes the power of God that is at work within you. With the power of God at our disposal, we can do more than we dare to ask or
imagine. Paul continues, “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received” (Ephesians 4:1). In other words, when we look at all that Christ has done for us, Paul comes to this conclusion: “I urge you to live a life worthy of [our] calling.” And what is that calling? To live our lives in a worthy manner, or to be disciples of Jesus Christ. We are called to be disciples, to be followers, to be in Christ, to be found in Christ. These are all different ways of saying the same thing: God has a plan for each of us. He equips us to pursue that calling with His power that is at work with you, right now! MIMBS 4 How can you take this core calling of discipleship and apply it to your vocational life? Your family life? Daily Reading: 2 Chronicles 11:1-18:34, Romans 8:26-10:13, Psalm 18:37-20:9, Proverbs 19:27-20:3
For Your Small Group
❏❏ For July 20-26—From the devotion on page 23, what is the difference between success that comes from our calling and success that comes from ambition? •• What are some areas of your life where you have experienced success that resulted from your calling? •• What are some areas of your life where you have experienced success that resulted from your ambition? •• Is there a need in your life to reevaluate what success has really meant to you? Are there some changes you need to make to seek success based on your calling?
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Called to minister to men? Pastoring Men is a great resource for you. Page 31