The Courier 1245

Blind Date Is Valentine’s love still in the air for this week’s couple?

lifestyle, p.19

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 20 February 2012 Issue 1245 Free

YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE GONZO...

FILM, P.32-33

Third-year loses ear in Metro attack

By Helen Lam Online News Editor A third-year student had part of his ear bitten off last week in an attack on the Metro.

William Conway, 20, who currently studies Sociology at Newcastle, intervened when a man and two women were being abusive to an elderly female passenger on the train between Jesmond and Haymarket stations.

The incident took place on Friday 10 February at around 4pm. The offender is still yet to be identified.

“The Metro train will have been very busy at the time,” said Detective Constable Dave Croskery in relation to the event.

“This was a vicious assault on a man who was trying to help another passenger.”

HAYMARKET HERO William Conway intervened when a group of people displayed threatening behaviour towards an elderly women on the metro.

Cryer case continues:

Former Intra Mural captain to go to trial after denying racial abuse of Stan Collymore

News, p.4-5

Talking about his experience exclusively to The Courier, Conway said: “I noticed two girls and a boy get on a bit further down the carriage from me. An old woman sat down in the seat next to them and the lad started shouting: “I want to put my feet up!”

The girls were shouting to the old woman too.”

When the abuse continued Conway decided he had to intervene and began shouting towards the individuals in the carriage, trying to calm the situation down.

“You can’t really blame people for not stepping in. The only reason I did is because I thought if that was my grandma getting shouted at I’d be so angry”.

Following this, the women accompanying the offender approached the 20-year-old and began verbally attacking him. Trying to ignore their actions, they soon become very threatening, leading Conway to feel they were about to target both him and his girlfriend, who he was travelling with.

“They moved back down the carriage to the lad and pointed me out to him. He came over and slapped me around the face, so I stood up to defend myself. He grabbed hold of me and I’ve got him up against the metro door.

“Basically my head must have been near his mouth so he just latched onto my ear. I tried to punch him in the side of the head to get him off me, but he just wouldn’t let go.

“I couldn’t have pulled my head away, I would have lost the whole of my ear. I just had to let him hang on until he let go, because I wasn’t able to move my head.

“When the metro doors opened he fell backwards out and then ran away.”

After the attack, Conway found Metro staff and asked them to ring for an ambulance and the police. It wasn’t until a Paramedic informed him en route to hospital that he was aware a piece of his ear was missing.

Due to the extent of blood from the wound, Conway had to return to hospital the next day to see a plastic surgeon concerning his injury. However, fortunately he was informed the wound would heal by itself, but has since had to have various blood tests and several injections to counter any disease or infection.

His head is now bandaged and he is continuing as usual university life.

The offender, who is yet to be discovered, is described as white, in his twenties, around 5ft 9ins tall and of medium build. He was wearing a black Berghaus style jacket, black hat, black scarf and black bottoms.

Northumbria Police are still appealing for witnesses to the attack.

News

2

Monday 20 February 2012

News Editors: Wills Robinson and George Sandeman Online News Editor: Helen Lam courier.news@ncl.ac.uk

thecourieronline.co.uk/news

NEWS

NECESSARY EVIL

Are unpaid internships the only way to ensuring long-term careers?

CLEVER REVOLT

Academic strife over expensive wjournal publica-

Idea of elected police commissioners 4 dismissed by prominent uni lecturer

8

COMMENT

10 11 SPORT

RIGHT TO WHAT?

Deporting terrorists to lands of torture

MARRIAGE HELP

Tory party wants to give traditional couples tax relief

42 47

SLAVIN SCORES

Super-sub leads industrious Canes to glory

By George Sandeman News Editor Newcastle University lecturer and former Labour MP, Chris Mullin, balked at the soon to be rolled out concept of elected police commissioners.

Giving a public lecture to a sold out Curtis Auditorium in the Herschel Building he said: “I’m not that keen on elected police commissioners” and that “most The election people haven’t may be more got a clue what a reflection of the qualifications be for a which political should police commisparty is popular sioner”. He also at the time stated that voter turnout for the rather than elections on 15 because the November 2012 individual is would likely be well qualified low which would damage the democratic credibility of the commissioners and that the election may be more a reflection of which political party is popular at the time rather than because the individual is well qualified.

He warned that fringe parties, such as UKIP and the BNP, could win positions as history shows them to do better in non-Parliamentary elections.

He also posed the possibility that populists “who say whatever they

UNI BEAT POLY

Football 2nds overcome poly thirds

The Courier

SOPHIE McCOID COMMENT

P

olitics are something that students have always typically been involved and associated with.

They are usually on the front line of protests from fees to human rights, and generally think themselves to be pretty clued up regarding all things political.

When it comes to the issue of elected police commissioners however, I don’t think many students will know much about what it entails and this is worrying considering the powers and influence the commissioners are

NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940

The Courier is a weekly newspaper produced by students, for students. It’s never too late to get involved in the paper, whether you’re a writer, illustrator or photographer. Just visit thecourieronline.co.uk/getinvolved for more information.

think needs to be said” could win the elections. In either case, the former Sunderland South representative appears to believe such an outcome would be undesirable.

The idea of having elected police commissioners is an initiative being implemented by the Conservative-led Government and inspired by similar practices in the United States of America.

The intention of such commissioners is to hold the police to account and to liaise with the Chief Constables that are responsible for their police area. There will be 41 commissioners that will cover the police areas outside of London; which will continue to be run by the Metropolitan Police and its appointed Commissioner.

LORD PRESCOTT The 73-year-old former Deputy Prime Minister has the backing of Labour leader Ed Miliband in his bid to be the commissioner for Humberside

Candidates for the commissioner role will not be individuals with policing backgrounds but rather from a wide variety including former politicians and military veterans. Those

who have so far put themselves forward for the roles have included former Deputy Prime Minister Lord Prescott, iconic Falklands War veteran Simon Weston and Gulf War officer

Most people haven’t got a clue what the qualifications should be for an elected police commissioner

Colonel Tim Collins.

The salaries for commissioners will range between £75,000 and £100,000 depending on the police area they will be responsible for.

However, the notion of former politicians becoming commissioners has come under fire with former BBC Crimewatch presenter, and commissioner candidate, Nick Ross saying: “It’s deeply entrenched that how to solve crime should be as easy to us as how to be good in bed, but actually, it’s an empirical issue,” said Mr Ross, who is currently a visiting professor at the Jill Dando Crime Science institute at University College London. “This is going to be driving them more and more to arrests.”

Former policeman and prominent

police blogger, Inspector Gadget, has also criticised the concept saying: “One would assume that whoever gets elected wants to be elected again, and the way to get elected is to show that you’re dealElected police ing with crime commissioners better than the is an initiative next guy, and the way to do that is being impleto give the police mented by the targets and make Conservative- them stick to them. I thought led Governthe government ment and had abolished the inspired by idea of targets.” similar pracIn Tyneside possible cantices in the United States didates for the commissioner of America role include former Redcar MP and Solicitor General Vera Baird, Newcastle City Council member Henri Murison, Sunderland councillor Tom Foster, community housing boss Paul Tinnion and current chairman of the soon-to-be abolished Northumbria Police Authority, Mick Henry.

The job will hold to account policing from Berwick to Sunderland and command a salary of £85,000 per annum.

Photography: time-4-change.org.uk, (Flickr)

Yes to democracy, but not at the expense of needed proven expertise expected to hold.

The new commissioners, alongside Chief Constables, will agree their force’s five-year crime-and-policing plans, allocate budgets and establish spending priorities; making them effectively regional home secretaries.

Perhaps most worrying is the fact that anyone can run to be the elected police commissioner, meaning that regions could end up with someone who has no previous experience in the police force, which is surely a negative thing. Effectively, like many elections, it becomes merely a popu-

larity contest. Where the person who gets the position gets it because they had a good election campaign, that made the public think they were a decent person, not necessarily because they are the best person for the job.

The Government is so keen on this idea because they believe it leads to greater democracy and accountability in Britain and police commissioners would hold Chief Constables accountable to the public. I’m all for democracy, I believe we should have an elected parliament and prime

Editor Kat Bannon Deputy Editor Elliot Bentley News Editors Wills Robinson and George Sandeman Online News Editor Helen Lam Politics Correspondent Bethany Staunton Comment Editors Sophie McCoid and Susie May Beever Online Comment Editor Jack Torrance C2 Editor: Aimee Philipson Lifestyle Editors Olivia Mason and Ben Parkin Online Lifestyle Editor Emma Balter Fashion Editor Victoria Mole Online Fashion Editor Rosanna Sopp Arts Editors Sally Priddle Online Arts Editor Lisa Bernhardt Film Editor Chris Binding Online Film Editor Hayley Hamilton Music Editors Ben Travis, Chris Scott Online Music Editor Graham Matthews Science Editor Mark Atwill Online Science Editor Shaun Butcher TV Editors Sophia Fairhead and Nicole Stevenson Sports Editors Colin Henrys, Harry Slavin and Rory Brigstock-Baron Online Sports Editors Grace Harvey and Charlie Scott Design Editors Gabe Mason and Tom O’Boyle Copy Editors Sarah Collings, Rachael Day, Dave Dodds, Grace Marconi, Rebecca Markham, Charley Monteith, Adam Rummens, Alice Sewell, Marleen van Os, Emily Wheeler

minister, no one wants to live under a dictator after all. However, when it comes to this issue, I think democracy is overrated. We need someone experienced to run our police force, not any guy off the street. You wouldn’t expect your bank manager to have no experience of banking would you? So why does the government think we wouldn’t want our police commissioner to know anything about effective policing? The government really needs to re-think this one for the safety and security of us all.

The Courier is printed by: Harmsworth Printing Limited, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby, DE1 2DW. Tel: 01332 253013.

Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge.

The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

The Courier

news.3

Monday 20 February 2012

Duo display purée determination

By Leanne Penning and Aine Stott For most students a bacon sandwich is a standard meal. However, for Charis Bond and Jenny Hirst this staple food has been off limits for the past week.

Instead, they have been dining solely on pureed food for the last seven days to raise awareness about bodily motor issues, whilst also raising money for SCOPE, a charity that provides reassurance and support for those with

Motor and speech problems are not uncommon, and affect people with a wide range of conditions including head and neck cancer, Parkinsons, Dementia and Cerebral Palsy.

disabilities, regardless how small.

For those who aren’t aware of the biological structure of the throat, the body has two tubes – one for breathing and one for eating, and a catch that co-ordinates between the two. For a minority of people this catch is not efficient, causing problems with swallowing and eating in general. For this reason, sufferers are highly advised to puree their food and add thickening powder to their drinks, and these are the food guidelines Charis and Jenny have been adhering to all week in order to gain the invaluable experience and insight required for a career in speech therapy.

Their menu has been, for the most

LIQUID SUSTENANCE

Charis Bond and Jenny Hirst have been dining continuously on food that has been blended, sautéd, crushed, mashed and liquidated. Yummy!

Photography: Hannah Fisher

part, exempt of pre-pureed foods such as yoghurts and soups, highlighting the achievability of maintaining a varied diet, whilst also following medical advice: texture is the only permanent change. For example, the menu for day one included a healthy portion of pollock with mash, peas, carrots and parsley sauce (see picture below).

One thing Jenny and Charis noted was that although the texture was compromised, the food still retained the same shape from a distance. The taste was also retained successfully.

However, one of the negative aspects of a pureed diet was the extended

length of preparation time required, for example Jenny’s standard snack of an apAlthough the ple became an texture was exhaustive procompromised, cess involving peeling, coring, the food still sautéing and retained the blending. This is same shape a constant time from a disconsumer for dysphagia suffertance ers who undertake these tasks daily.

Motor and speech problems are not

uncommon, and affect people with a wide range of conditions including head and neck cancer, Parkinsons disease, Dementia and Cerebral Palsy.

Also, around one third of stroke victims suffer with some kind of speech problem during recovery, some of which are permanent.

Helping these sufferers is the most rewarding aspect of a speech therapist’s job as it can truly save lives.

The risk of pneumonia is severe for those with motor problems, as food can easily enter the wrong tube, and hence the lungs. Pureed food is one of the ways this risk can be reduced as it

slows the process of eating and swallowing, providing essential time for the food-tube to open.

So far Jenny and Charis have doubled their target of £200, raising in excess of £400. You can read more about individual meals and about how they both found the challenge on their blog: www.chewlesschallenge. wordpress.com. The end is in sight for Charis and Jenny, but spare a thought for those who cannot simply devour a burger at the end of a hard day. Well done Jenny and Charis and enjoy that bacon sandwich, no doubt you’ve earned it!

Memes satire tickles campus’ funny bone

By Harriet Sale University Memes have become the latest Facebook phenomenon for Newcastle students.

Despite being created only a fortnight ago, the Facebook page has had remarkable popularity and success.

The term ‘meme’ is defined as an idea or behaviour that spreads through a culture by imitation. Essentially, Internet memes follow the same principle, copied and re-captioned images that particularly seek to recount or satirize a particular individual, group, activity, or event.

Whilst being a simple concept, students are using this new trend as a communal voice to share ‘inside’ university jokes.

The page particularly satirizes the rivalry between Newcastle University and Northumbria.

Similar pages, with the same popularity, have been created for universities all over the UK. Currently the most popular submission to the page is an effort by languages student Sarah Hughes showing a reclining Prince of Wales, from

Blackadder the Third, with the caption: ‘Meanwhile, at Castle Leazes…’ and has earned over 770 ‘likes.’

The first meme posted on the wall was by, the so far unidentified, administrator of the page with a picture of an aggressively gesticulating toddler and the caption: “Got into Newcastle Uni... Must buy bodywarmer.”

A recurring meme theme has been an image of Fry from Futurama squinting into the A reclining distance that has been followed by Prince of captions includWales, from “Not sure if Blackadder the ing: library... Or body Third, with the warmer outlet”, caption: ‘Mean- “not sure if [I] while, at Castle want to stay in basement... or Leazes…’ feet are stuck to the floor” and one with a half picture of Fry and a caption of “not sure if Virgin Media in Jesmond is slow...”

History student Luke McVitie’s contribution consisted of a screenshot, from the iconic Shawshank Redemption, showing Tim Robbins teaching

fellow inmates the alphabet with the caption: “Meanwhile at Northumbria...” and has garnered over 370 ‘likes’.

Physical geography student Jo Herod took a self-deprecating pop at her degree course with a picture of a child with crayons up his nose and the caption reading: “Meanwhile in Daysh...” whilst Marketing and Management student Katie Ball lamented the rise in price of trebles at Sinners and advocated the consumption of one’s own urea with a picture of renowned adventurer Bear Grylls.

Another common picture has been a pensive Sean Bean, playing Boromir in Lord of the Rings, with captions including: “One does not simply leave venue with dignity intact,” “one does not simply survive without Londis” and “one does not simply study Biomed without applying for medicine.”

Other popular submissions have included a parody of the cult film Mean Girls, the perception that because an indiviudal wears a North Face jacket that they are adventurers and the abject disappointment of doing an exam in Turbine Hall.

4.news

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

If you’re doing ‘real’ TUC and NUS combine work you should be to help exploited interns NO paid a wage

Companies are taking advantage of the increasing demand for graduate jobs as students seek career specific experience to improve life prospects

By David Hiscocks Last week, the Trade Union Congress (TUC) and the National Union of Students (NUS) launched a new campaign calling for the fair treatment of interns.

It is suggested that UK companies are exploiting interns as free workers

courage students, particularly those that are in a difficult position when it comes to employment after university, to apply for unpaid work.”

Competition for places on these internships is high, as without the relevant experience, students are much less likely to get a job in the contested job market – especially on sort after graduate schemes.

TUC Deputy General Secretary

exploitation.”

Hundreds of advertisements for internships on various careers websites and elsewhere are asking for students to work for free over their summer.

If a student intern is doing work that others may have had to be paid for, the TUC and NUS want these interns to receive ‘a fair days wage for a fair days work’ (minimum wage and paid holidays).

Competition for places in internships is high, as without the relevant experience students are much less likely to get a job in the contested job market - especially on sort after graduate schemes rather than paying them a fair wage.

Hazel Blears MP addressed an event held in TUC headquarters in London last Monday surrounding the issue, with appearances from the support group Intern Aware, as well as speeches from interns who had been exploited.

NUS has now called on University campuses across the country to begin local campaigns to help combat this exploitative system. According to the student organisation: “most of them (internships) are illegal and they en-

Frances O’Grady commented by saying: “Whether they are unscrupulous or genuinely unaware of the rules, too many employers are ripping off young people by employing them in unpaid internships that are not only unfair but, in most cases, probably illegal.

“Internships can offer a kick-start to a career that many young people value. But as more and more graduates are being forced to turn to internships in place of traditional entry level jobs, we’re concerned that a growing numbers of interns are at a risk of real

Students just aren’t ready for the reality of the workplace YES JAKE UNSWORTH COMMENT In my opinion unpaid internships do not represent exploitative employment.

Whilst not paying for work done by employees may be immoral, the motivation for the unpaid nature of internships is not exploitation; the fact is that many of Britain’s young people are simply not ready for the world of work.

In many workplaces they may add little and in some they may even be costly. This is because the education system, from primary school to university, does not adequately prepare young people for the place of work.

It is because of this that many employers cannot justify paying interns as they are simply not worth it. For example, HSBC said that in 2010, to run its summer internships for investment banking cost the company over £230,000. The fact that some employers continue to offer internships, despite it being a costly en-

deavour, means that it is impossible to conclude that exploitation is their primary motivation.

We should instead see internships as a continuation of the learning process, improving practical problem solving and giving students time to adjust to the very different requirements of the workplace.

Countless studies have shown that graduates are great at critical analysis, networking and specific skills.

However, an equal if not greater number of studies,including one published in the Guardian last week, have found that graduates and young people lack essential numerical and problem solving skills.

It is these inadequacies that mean internships are often not worthwhile from the employer’s perspective.

In the past employers paid salaries greater than the productivity of an employee in the knowledge that with time, that employee would improve.

However, in an increasingly fluid job market there is no guarantee that an intern would continue to work for the same business, thus the incentive for businesses to take long term investments is reduced. The unpaid nature of some internship’s is not due to exploitative employers, but rather the unpreparedness of young people for the workplace.

These unions claim that only the affluent, who can afford not to be paid during their internship, are able to afford to join such schemes.

Currently, companies have a massive advantage over students in that they know there are a far greater number of students looking for graduate level positions, than the amount of these jobs in the economy. Companies can ultimately pick and choose who they employ, with students having to comply with the current system, or severely damage their job prospects.

JACK TORRANCE COMMENT

I

n 1998 the government brought in a law declaring that nobody in work should be paid less than the minimum wage. And yet today thousands of graduates across the UK are working for no pay, sometimes for months at a time.

The idea behind internships is that a graduate can gain experience of work without significant cost to the employer, resulting in a more colourful CV and maybe even a job with the same organisation. Though this has clearly been of major benefit to many, significant problems with this system have become apparent.

Whilst I can quite understand the reluctance a business may have towards taking on an unfamiliar employee with little or no experience of the organization, the situation as it stands at the moment appears somewhat unfair.

The responsibilities of most interns go beyond the “observation and shadowing” roles which they are legally expected to perform, and stray into the realm of ‘real work’, plain and simple. Anybody who works defined hours and performs tasks

which would otherwise be carried out by a paid employee is legally entitled to minimum wage.

Aside from the specific problem this poses for individuals, this system raises questions about the fairness of internships in wider society too. Interns can be working for free for up to six months, sometimes longer. For many this makes the cost of carrying out a placement prohibitively high.

Countless students simply The responcannot afford to spend that sibilities of much time out most interns work with no go beyond the of stable income. ‘observation The inevitable result of this and shadowing roles which situation is that placethey are legally these ments will be expected to filled predomiperform nantly by those from a more affluent background.

This threatens to push a whole host of jobs beyond the reach of a vast number of candidates, regardless of ability.

Whilst unpaid internships are for many graduates the only viable route into the careers they desire, for some they remain an unfeasible and inaccessible prospect.

Cryer pleads ‘not guilty’

The Courier

news.5

Monday 20 February 2012

Deluge Hitler parody banned by council

By Emily Osmond and Rose Yeatman Newcastle promoters were this week rocked by yet another scandal, as police forced the removal of a ‘crude, out r age ous and totally This is not the first inapproprivideo. time that Newcas- ate’ The clip was tle’s club scene used to adhas come under vertise Deluge on a scrutiny. Rival promoters Stage We dnes day night at LegOne events had ends nighttheir night ‘Tequila’ club. banned altogether The video, a parody taken from the 2004 film Downfall, sees Hitler raging about the club’s guestlist being full, before abusing other Tyneside drinking establishments and promoters.

Although intended as a harmless

The infamous Wednesday night is a favourite with Newcastle students for its cheap VKs, cheesy tunes and weekly pull cam – which documents the night’s romance and publishes the images online. The video was part of a new Facebook campaign for the night, going beyond the usual barrage of posters and internet invitations via social networking sites. The night is run by Uni-X events, who also run nights at Madame Koos, Perdu, Ohso and Riverside.

This is not the first time that Newcastle’s club scene has come under scrutiny. Rival promoters Stage One Events had their night ‘Tequila’ (a long established and successful night in Leeds) banned altogether following lewd and inappropriate advertisements. This included flyers depicting acts of a sexual nature with the tagline ‘Come And Swallow’.

The scene used for the video has been parodied hundreds of times by the online community. The scene in

Intended as a harmless spoof the video has offended a number of individuals for its sexual nature and homophobic references spoof, the video has offended a number of individuals for its sexual nature and homophobic references. The situation further escalated after a mother viewed the video on her daughter’s Facebook news feed and was so appalled by the content that she contacted council officials, who subsequently handed the case to the police.

PROMOTERS DOWNFALL

The Hitler parodies have become viral sensations but, in this instance, Newcastle City Council and Northumbria Police have deemed the content hateful and unsuitable for public consumption Photography: YouTube

Downfall depcits Hitler being told by his closest advisors that the war is being lost and that Berlin will soon be captured. Infamous retakes have seen the the dictator reacting to Newcastle’s 4-4 comeback against Arsenal last year and his struggle over completing a Where’s Wally book.

as Twitter saga continues

By Wills Robinson News Editor

Josh Cryer covers his face as photographers tied to take his picture outside Newcastle magistrates court Photography: North News

Third-year law student Josh Cryer has denied racially abusing Stan Collymore on Twitter.

The former Intra Mural football captain appeared before Newcastle magistrates on February 14th with a public order offence after the the exLiverpool and Aston Villa footballer reported the incident to Staffordshire Police.

Cryer, who was in attendance with members of his family, entered a ‘not guilty’ plea, denying sending messages that were ‘grossly offensive’ in January.

The court adjourned the case, with District Judge Garland granting him unconditional bail until the case comes to trial on April 2. Cryer’s solicitor, Andrew O’Hanlon, called for an unnamed witness to attend court on that day, with the hearing expected to last around two hours.

Dressed in a blue suit, tie and white shirt, the student who is said to live on Fairfield Road in Jesmond spoke only to enter his not guilty plea and state his date of birth and address.

Television crews and photographers, from both the regional and national press, were in attendance as he arrived at the court on Market Street with his face hidden by a scarf.

He remained inside the court building for around four hours after the hearing, after which cameras from Sky Tyne followed him round Newcastle city centre as he continued to cover his face.

During the legal proceedings, the 21-year old has continued to attend lectures at the Law School. He also played for the Intra Mural side BracaLaw-Na in their 4-4 draw with rivals Henderson Hall in the Wednesday league.

The Newcastle student was charged on January 7 with two public order offences, after the complaint was passed on to Northumbria Police. However, on January 23, one of the charges was withdrawn.

He is originally from Burnley, Lan-

STAN COLLYMORE The talkSPORT pundit has become part of a group, of both past and present footballers, subject to alleged racial abuse

cashire where his father owns a chauffeur company.

Collymore works as a pundit for talkSPORT radio, works for the charity Depression Alliance and campaigns against racism. Normally Collymore is a frequent Tweeter, however his account remained dormant on the day of the hearing.

It is questionable as to whether the ex-footballer will be attendance at the trial as the proceedings will continue into their fourth month when the case comes to trial.

Advertising campaigns must meet certain criteria to avoid being overly insensitive

R

SUSIE MAY BEAVER COMMENT

arely a week goes by without a new spoof scandal to create controversy; at the centre of which are often club promoters, equally as desperate for the popularity factor as they are for the money. This week has seen no exception to the rule.

The promotional video for ‘Deluge’ at Legends caused much uproar-mainly due to being hot off the ground from the ‘Tequila’ scandal, a student night which was recently banned from popular Toon venue Riverside. However, there is a particularly fine line between using sex in the advertising of a student night, and in a similar way using Hitler.

The video in question, which parodies the popular spoof of the clip from 2004 film Downfall, was banned on the grounds of display-

ing content which may be potentially construed as homophobic. However, what is most shocking about this scandal is not the explicit content, but more the fact that the promoters for Deluge showed so astoundingly little intelligence as to how the video may have been misconstrued by the 99% of the population who do not find homophobia all that funny.

Although today’s political correctness calls for the critique of those who make complaints about controversial material within the media, we are forgetting that the so-called stupidity lies in those who originally create the controversy in the first place. A joke, yes. It probably was.

Yet anyone involved in advertising must surely know that campaigns must meet a large number of requirements to fully make sure that there is no potential ammo for the more ‘sensitive’ individuals amongst the general public. Unfortunately, a great fail in show of insight on the part of the club promoters seems to be where the blame lies in this case, not the individuals who subsequently made the complaint.

6.news

Monday 20 February 2012

British students start going Dutch for a cheaper degree

By Ralph Blackburn The attraction of lower tuition fees and English-taught courses in Europe means more British students are applying for places on the continent, in particular the Dutch University of Maastricht.

a major factor, with Theresa Bullock, a 19 year old student from Worcestershire, saying that, “I don’t even want to think about the kind of debt I’d be in if I’d stayed in England.”

Whilst the cost is important, one of the key attractions of studying at the University of Maastricht is that the courses are taught in English. First

Maastricht, originally from Guilford, said, “the UK government gives you nothing. But we’re all looking at finishing our studies here debt-free. For a UK mindset, that’s unthinkable.”

UK students studying abroad are still a minority. Compared with 80,000 Germans, 47,000 French and 41,000 Italians, the 11,800 Brits who study

While the cost is important, one of the key attractions of studying at the University of Maastricht is that the courses are taught in English This month Maastricht revealed 255 Britons applied for places, a remarkable increase from the 18 students who applied four years ago. The trigger for such an increase in applications appears to be the rise in student fees in the UK. Whilst student applications have not declined as much as many predicted, as The Courier reported last week, there has still been a 7.4% decline in applications across the country. This decline has resulted in many defections to the continent.

The appeal of the Dutch Universities begins with the cost. At an equivalent of £1,440 per year, a degree in the Netherlands is under a sixth of the price of one in the UK. This is clearly

year student Bullock said, “I’m taking a Dutch course, but you don’t really need it. English is so common here and the standard is so high you can hardly tell they’re not native speakers.”

Indeed Martin Paul, president of the University of Maastricht, encourages UK students to turn to places like Holland, “The British students improve the quality in the classroom. So the UK is interesting for us.”

As a further economic incentive for students to traverse the North Sea, the Dutch government gives out grants of £221 to any student who can prove they work 32 hours a month. This can cover rent and bills, and in Maastricht there is no shortage of work.

Dani Older, a 23 year old student at

abroad is puny.

Given the recent rise in fees there clearly is beginning to be a change in opinion.

Martin Paul said, “The UK has been considered a student import country.

But now you have the situation with tuition fees and more awareness of moving abroad.

We see it in the surge in applications. I’m a bit worried about the UK because there’s an exodus of talent.”

With the attraction of cheap, anglophone universities like Maastricht, they will continue to capitalise over the increasingly expensive British Universities.

The Courier

Despite this, Britain will continue to attract world class students GEORGINA MOULE COMMENT

B

ritish students have always been behind in terms of studying abroad. EU figures show that last year, whilst 175,000 students (almost a third of EU students studying abroad) came to Britain to study, only 11,800 British students were studying at Universities in other EU member states, compared to 80,000 Germans.

Now, with a tuition fee hike on its way, and universities in Europe offering more and more courses in English, there seem to be few barriers for students looking to travel abroad for their studies.

However, I don’t see the growing numbers of young people choosing to study abroad as a reflection on the state of higher education in the UK. Britain is home to some of the world’s best universities, and will continue to attract world-class students regardless of the level of tuition fees, wholly on reputation and a high quality of teaching. The

number of applications being made abroad was inevitable, as students are increasingly searching for ways to make their CV’s stand out in an ever more competitive jobs market.

The skills students can develop whilst abroad, such as speaking a second language, will certainly make graduates more appealto employBritain is home ing ers. to some of the Future stuworld’s best dents will ununiversities, and doubtedly be why will continue to asking they should attract world pay £9,000 class students a year when they could pay £1,440 at several universities abroad such as Maastricht in Holland, for a course taught in English at a highly respected university.

However I don’t foresee an exodus of the brightest students to universities in Europe. British students are just catching up with their European neighbours in terms of numbers studying abroad.

Whilst some may be pushed a little harder by the fee increase and the withdrawal of funding by the Government for some courses, British universities will continue to attract the brightest students from both home and abroad.

The Courier

Monday 20 February 2012

Government abandons initial plans to fine students for early loan repayments

By Wills Robinson News Editor The Government is set to announce the scrapping of plans to impose the early payment of university loans by students next week. This move could now benefit the wealthiest members of society.

Ministers were considering imposing an annual charge of 5% on payments above a certain threshold, in order to avoid wealthier parents evading interest charges. Under the proposed penalty, someone repaying £40,000 could have faced a penalty of £2,000.

Under the current scheme, early repayments are allowed and are not affected by financial penalties.

Although the plans were described by the Government as “progressive”, they have since been retracted over fears that students might ultimately miss out.

The scheme, originally put forward by the Lib Dems, was scrapped in a deal which saw David Cameron back down from Business Secretary Vince Cable’s choice of Professor Les Ebdon

to head the Office for Fair Access, amidst fierce Conservative opposition. Ebdon, in his new role, will be responsible for making sure students are not deterred from going to university by the higher tuition fees.

As of September, students can take out loans to pay annual tuition fees of up to £9,000, which will also cover their living costs.

They will then begin to repay the debt once they are earning more than £21,000 a year, with any outstanding balance being written off after 30 years.

Sally Hunt, general secretary of the University and College Union criticised the abandonment of the plans, saying: “Government should be prioritising how to make it easier for poorer families to afford university rather than focusing on yet another policy designed to make life easier for the wealthiest in our society.

“Today’s move exposes once again that we really are not all in this together.”

NUS president Liam Burns, suggested that government ministers should be more clear on student finance to

avoid low and middle income families using their outstanding debt to help fund their degrees, “when it rarely makes financial sense to do so, particularly for those who are seeking to get on the housing ladder or start a family.”

When rumours of the proposals

higher education, he has developed an impressive record in improving access among lower socio-economic groups, from neighbourhoods with low rates of participation. During his tenure as Vice-Chancellor of the University of Bedfordshire, he improved the institution as an opportunity uni-

Plans were highlighted by the Government as “progressive” but is backing out as they fear that students would ultimately miss out came out, they were branded as ‘crazy’ by the think tank CentreForum, suggesting that it would be ineffective and costly.

They also suggested that the costs outweighed the potential financial benefits, and that it was those who wanted to avert debt who repaid early, rather than the wealthy.

Despite much Conservative opposition over the appointment of Ebdon, others have argued that he is a suitable choice. During his 44 years in

versity which does not close its doors to those with the potential to succeed.

This included increased access from ethnic minority groups.

Ebdon last week introduced the idea of a ‘nuclear option’ against universities if they failed to take in enough people from poorer backgrounds.

However, there is optimism for students as well in that he is publicly against the new tuition fees and supports what he controversially calls ‘Micky Mouse’ degrees.

news.7 Business School begins lecture series

By Clare Atkinson A Newcastle University lecturer has launched an inaugural programme delivering a series of public lectures on economics, designed to introduce some of the world’s top academics to the North East community.

Mich Tvede, Professor of Economics, joined the Business School in April 2011 following a position at the University of Copenhagen. He has joined the rest of the staff in bringing leading academics to the school. The programme aims to introduce them to the North East community through a series of public events.

The Business School, which is situated in its new £50 million premises

by St James’ Park, has managed to attract some of the world’s most prolific academics to the region.

The series of events was kicked off

by Tvede’s inaugural lecture entitled “Revealed Preferences”, aimed at those with an interest in the economic field.

Attracting many members of the Business School, the lecture focused on the general equilibrium theory.

PM wants tougher stance on North East drinking

By Clare Atkinson The Prime Minister has urged for a tougher stance to be taken against excessive drinking in the North East.

In a visit to Newcastle last Wednesday, David Cameron said he wanted to see stricter rules governing drinks in bars and clubs in the city, labelling many of the current drinks promotions as “irresponsible”. Sir Len Fenwick , chief executive of the Royal Victoria Infirmary, echoed the Prime Minister’s sentiment: “I think now the time is right to address this ... the message so far has just not been getting through. We don’t want to be accused of ruining the party, but something has to give here.”

The visit to Newcastle follows A&E bosses admitting they are struggling to cope with the influx of drunken individuals, with Sir Len agreeing it was time to take action. There have been talks with hospital chiefs across the city, considering opening up a “half-

DAVID CAMERON The Prime Minister has condemned current drinks promotions as “irresponsible” and wants stricter rules in bars and clubs in the city

way” house at a separate location to treat drunken teenagers and young people, with the hope of freeing up space in the A&E department.

Cameron praised the RVI for its current measures to tackle excessive drinking and its anti-social behaviour includes the presence of a police officer in the A&E department.

The Prime Minister also made it clear that he did not want to tarnish Newcastle’s reputation. “We don’t want to stop young people and students having a good night out – go-

ing to bars and clubs can be part of a good night out. But there is an edge of binge drinking in Britain that goes beyond the pale. It ends up with a huge amount of people coming to hospitals and going too far. You can have fun without it ending in the gutter.”

Mr Cameron highlighted two key areas for change, which were enforcing licensing for irresponsibly run bars and tackling cheap deals on alcohol in supermarkets. Police were on side, saying There have now backed been talks with they plans for minihospital chiefs mum pricing on across the city, alcohol units.

Third year considering P h ar m a c ol o g y opening up student Sama a “half-way” Hassan said house to sepa- “Some people will always drink rate drunken teenagers and excessively, reof pricyoung people gardless es. A crackdown on pricing won’t necessarily solve the problem. At the end of the day, Newcastle is a University city, so students will always want to enjoy themselves by having a drink.“ The issue of drinking has become prevalent in politics, especially in the North East, when Newcastle MP Chi Onwurah suggested to the House of Commons that the now infamous Geordie Shore, should not be allowed to air its second series.

The problem local hospitals face when dealing with drunk individuals was also highlighted in the first series of Junior Doctors, with young medical professionals having to cope with a very busy waiting room with of a majority of intoxicated people on almost a daily basis.

However it is difficult to see any immediate sign that the region’s drinking culture will be altered significantly in the short term.

Photography: Nick Atkins (Flickr)

TOON TENDENCIES

Newcastle is renowned for its party culture. However politicians feel that it could be putting undue pressure on local health services Photography: Moises Bedrossin

8.news

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

Academics up in arms over costly journals

By Elliot Bentley Deputy Editor Thousands of academics from around the world have pledged to boycott one of the biggest publishers of medical and scientific literature.

At time of writing, an online petition at www.thecostofknowledge.com now stands at over 6,000 signatures of academics planning to refrain from involvement with Elsevier in terms of publishing, refereeing or editorial work.

The website lists three major objections to Elsevier’s business practices: their “exorbitantly high” prices, their bundling of journals, and their support of the controversial SOPA and PIPA acts in America.

Among the signatories are several

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Person requirements: Applicants must be able to demonstrate good customer service,

Newcastle academics, including Dr Romola Sanyal, a lecturer in global urbanism; Clare Hooper, a research associate of the Culture Lab; and Dr Peter Sercombe, a lecturer in Applied Linguistics.

Dr Sercombe told The Courier that his involvement was “in principle, not in action”, criticising the business practices of Elsevier and other major publishers.

“It’s remarkably unfair - equivalent to bankers’ bonuses” he said. “Elsevier is a particularly large one, and almost impossible to escape from.”

Dr Sercombe said that he, and many other academics, are unhappy with the perception that public institutions are forced to pay for access to research they funded in the first place.

“I object to that - certainly on terms of principle” he said.

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Person requirements: Possess relevant qualifications.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

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Person requirements: Have recent experience in a supervisory role in a customer facing environment. We also need you to be able to show that you have been part of a successful team and that you have been committed to that role.

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Elsevier, based primarily in the Netherlands, each year publishes around 2,000 journals and 20,000 books, and owns the academic journal search engine Scopus. The Dutch company was singled out by the Cost of Knowledge boycott as “among all the commercial publishers, the behavior of Elsevier seemed to many to be the most egregious.”

The company responded in a statement: “While some of the facts about Elsevier are being misrepresented, the depth of feeling among some in the research community is real and something we take very seriously. We’re listening to all the concerns expressed and redoubling our substantial efforts to make our contributions to that community better, more transparent, and more valuable to

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all our partners and friends in the research community.”

Timothy Gowers, a British mathematician at Cambridge University, inspired the creation of the Cost of Knowledge site with a blog post entitled “Elsevier

At time of writing, a petition now stands at over 6,000 signatures of academics planning to refrain from involvement with Elsevier - my part in its downfall” in which he publicised his own personal boycott and encouraged others to do the same.

In a follow-up post, Gowers said: “I considered [the website] ... not as a petition to Elsevier to change its ways — since I don’t Many believe there academics are is any realistic of that — unhappy with chance as a simple the perception but way to bring out that public into the open all institutions are the private boycotts and semiforced to pay boycotts that for access to were going on, research they and thereby to funded in the encourage others to do the same.” first place Newcastle University itself is concerned about the price of academic resources: after all, last year it spent over £5m on books and journals. Wayne

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Person requirements: We are looking for staff who will be ambassadors of the Cruise brand with a strong customer service background who can provide an exceptional shopping experience to every customer.

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Connolly, head librarian of the Robinson library, told The Courier that the University works to reduce its costs as members of two cross-University groups: JISC Collections, which negotiates prices, and Research Libraries UK,

TIMES ARE A CHANGING

According to Head Librarian, Wayne Connolly, the world of Academia is undergoing a “transition stage” from big academic publishers to open access publishing Photography: Newcastle University and, top, helpei (Flickr)

which actively lobbies the publishers.

Last year, the University negotiated a 1% price increase in the Elsevier ScienceDirect package, which contains over 2,000 journals. The usual annual increase is around 3 to 5%, said Connolly.

“The cost of big packages has been increasing year on year,” he said. “There’s concern that prices are unsustainable.”

These efforts do not, however, reduce the price of access to members of the public wishing to access academic literature. Instead, Connolly explained, Newcastle University has two initiatives in place to promote ‘open access’ publications: ‘Open All@Ncl’, which provides funds to researchers to publish in open access journals, and the ePrints service, a publicly accessible database of openaccess research by Newcastle academics.

The dominance of the big academic publishers is coming to a close, said Connolly. “We’re in a transition stage.

We would expect open access publishing to become much more relevant in the future.”

The Courier

nationalnews.9

Monday 20 February 2012

Canadian occupiers smuggle in food with rope and bucket

By Susie May Beever In an attempt to exercise a right to assembly, a group of Canadian students involved with the global Occupy movement were last week seen receiving basic living requirements by method of a rope and bucket.

The 11 remaining students, who have been prevented from leaving the office on the sixth floor of the James Administration building at McGill UniverA pulley system sity in Montreal, informed was used to lift Quebec, their supporters food and other through the sobasic supplies cial networking to the top floor site Twitter on Wednesday 8th February that their food supply was running short.

After several failed attempts from supporters at delivering supplies, 50 were seen congregating at the foot of the building on the Thursday evening, whilst an operated pulley system was used to lift food and other basic supplies up to the student protesters in the top floor office.

Witnesses claimed they saw security agents stood on the third floor of the

building who unsuccessfully attempted to stop the students by reaching the line with a broom out of the window.

In an email to staff and students at the University that evening, Vice-Principal Michael Di Grappa stated: “students are free to leave the building if they are hungry, feel ill, or need things like medica-

Security unsuccessfully attempted to stop the students by reaching the line with a broom out of the window tion, as they have been free to do from the beginning of the occupation.”

Those involved in the protest subsequently responded to the email, saying: “forcing us to choose between our bodily needs and exercising our rights to speech and assembly is hardly a free choice.”

Previous attempts by the students in accessing supplies in a similar manner involved the rope being cut by security

on the floor below to prevent such actions from continuing.

The remaining students involved in the protest at McGill University assembled in the office of Morton Mendelson, Deputy Academic Administrator, on the sixth floor of the James Administration building on the 7th February and have been there calling for his resignation ever since.

McGill students force their way into the building Photography: samslots (Flickr)

Cardiff Met could sue over proposed merger

By Helen Lam Online Editor Cardiff Metropolitan University Barbara Wilding, the chair of governors at Cardiff Metropolitan University, has threatened to take legal action if the University is forced to complete a merger with the University of Glamorgan and the University of Wales.

Wilding commented stating that she has failed to be presented with evidence as to why the merger with the two other institutions is necessary, despite the Welsh Education Minister Leighton Andrews stating that it will create one of the most powerful higher education bodies in the UK. Andrews is seeking a voluntary merger, however he does have the power to enforce it through and it would be the enforcing of this power, which Wilding has threatened to prevent through taking a legal action to the judicial review.

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Visit thecourieronline.co.uk to have your say.

London named second best student city in the world University College London

Students at UCL are reeling in the knowledge that London has just been announced as the second best city to study in the world, coming only second to Paris.

The research conducted by QS Best Student Cities looked at affordability, quality of life as well as the number and reputation of universities in the city. Lead researcher, Ben Sowter, commented that “though London had more world class universities than Paris, it was more expensive.”

The research team considered nearly 500 cities in the process and state that the findings are aimed primarily to international students considering where to study.

Art student promotes steering clear of woods University of Leeds

A third year Graphic Arts and Design student has launched an innovative campaign to stop students walking

through the woods at night. The campaign comes after a serious of violent muggings took place in the woods, which left many victims hospitalised.

Olivia Nash scattered a group of hooded wooden silhouettes throughout the park with the aim of grabbing the attention of passersby, with signs stating “See me now. You won’t later. Don’t walk through Hyde Park at night”.

Although many of the silhouettes are still standing, ironically some of the figures were stolen on their first night in the park.

Shed offered as accommodation due to pricey private properties University of Oxford Students studying at Oxford University have been targeted by a landlord advertising an 8ft by 8ft shed with no running water or electricity.

The advertisement comes after the demand for housing in Oxford is at an all time peak and the landlord, Greg Farkas, commented that many of the people who got in touch about the room were “students currently living in Oxford...who just can’t afford to live in their current properties”.

The Vice President for Charities and Community remarked that “It is the responsibility of Colleges and the University to provide affordable, good quality accommodation and to publicise the support available to students who might find themselves in financial difficulty”.

Council makes laws to regulate anti-social student behaviour Manchester University New legal powers are being enforced

by Manchester City Council to curb the growth of student communities in areas around Manchester. The action comes in response to growing concerns about anti-social behaviour and the effect it is having on local communities.

The councils increased powers enable them to have greater regulation over changes in the use of properties, in particular houses with multiple occupants. Restrictions can now be placed on the number of properties converted to house three or more unrelated people.

The National Union of Students has described the enforcing of the Council’s powers an attack on students’ right to decide where they live.

Photography: dipfan and Naomi Reynolds Photogrpahy (Flickr)

10.comment

Monday 20 February 2012 The Courier

Protecting both terrorised and terrorists THOMAS RAINE

T

he decision of the European Court of Human Rights preventing the deportation of radical Islamic cleric Abu Qatada was always going to be controversial.

Qatada is a man who exhibits blatant disregard for human rights. And yet, it is human rights that have protected him from a return to his native country Jordan where he is wanted to stand trial for terrorist offences. There is a cruel irony at work.

Ironic though it may be, the decision was the right one. Amid all the anger and hubris, the case was determined by a principle that has been a feature of English law for centuries – the right to a fair trial.

Qatada could not be deported to Jordan as it could not be guaranteed that’s what he would face. The Court

reasonably suspected that evidence obtained by torture would be used against him.

There are two very good reasons why torture evidence threatens a fair trial.

First, there is the moral argument that torture is unacceptable in any situation. Secondly, from a practical perspective, the evidence is unlikely to be reliable. Anyone being tortured is likely to say whatever their torturer wants them to say regardless of its veracity. The Court’s stance is entirely justified on both moral and pragmatic grounds.

There is nothing new here. The right to a fair trial in English law dates back to Magna Carta, centuries before the European Convention on Human Rights. It is wrong to abandon such a long standing principle in the name of political expediency. Qatada may be deplorable, but we should not compromise our core beliefs simply because it is appealing in this particular case. If our commitment to human rights is as strong as we say it is, we cannot go back on that commitment when faced with a particularly unpleasant individual.

Furthermore, if Qatada is as dangerous as people say he is, why has he

never been charged with an offence in this country? UK prosecutors have a legion of terrorist offences at their disposal that cover everything from

It is respect for individual liberties and the rule of the law that makes us a democracy the commission of a terrorist attack to glorifying acts of terrorism. There are also incitement offences available under the ordinary criminal law. Most of the terrorist offences are amongst the broadest offences in UK law. As-

suming his involvement in terrorism is what many claim it to be, it is difficult to believe that Qatada does not fall within the scope of at least one of these offences. If he poses such a threat to the people of this country he should be charged in this country. If convicted he would be locked away for a long time rendering the availability, or otherwise, of a fair trial in Jordan irrelevant.

The Qatada case asks us to examine our commitment to human rights. Either we believe in basic human rights, and must afford them to all no matter how unattractive that may appear, or we do not, in which case we cannot use them to criticise tyrannical regimes or to justify military intervention abroad. As a democracy, I believe we must choose the former, even if it means we cannot deport people like Qatada. As Aharon Barak, the former president of the Israeli Supreme Court once remarked, “A democracy must sometimes fight with one hand tied behind its back.” It is respect for individual liberties and the rule of law that makes us a democracy. We should not sacrifice those cherished ideals simply because it is convenient to do so.

Party’s over for the graduates of 2012 Students working hard, something the govt and employers want to see more of. Photography: Burns Library, Boston College, (Flickr)

LAURA WOTTON

O

f course we’re all aware of the assumption that rings loud and clear within the traditional education system: if you work hard you’ll go to university, if you go to university you’ll get a job.

We are the race of invincible soonto-be graduates with the social skills of an advanced therapist and a sturdy degree smugly in reach. That is until we meet the crippling truth: we, as students, are far from perfect when placed under the critical lens of a future employer.

Perhaps the best example of this ‘student deficiency’ is a recent research program organized by Ernst and Young to gauge the strengths and weaknesses of their applicants.

Students, it calculated, possessed superior problem solving skills, were ambitious and had the capacity to quickly develop necessary relationships, perhaps a result of the trials and tribulations of the infamous Fresher’s Week.

Yet employers are demanding more.

Graduates, according to the survey, lack a certain determination and resilience necessary to thrive in uncompromising situations and as a result are sidelined when applicants are selected. Stephen Isherwood, head of the Ernst and Young recruitment scheme said “We need to know that they are going to be able to cope if they are sent half way across the world to work on a client project” suggesting that graduates are less likely to commit fully to a taxing proposition.

Evidently our student life needs revamping if we’re even going to consider a potential job. Uncountable nights spent waving a fiver over the Victoria

22 bar doesn’t seem the first logical stepping stone to graduate success.

Managing director of High Fliers Research, Martin Birchall, issued a blunt warning to 2012 graduates in stating that ‘new graduates who’ve not had any work experience at all during their time at university have little hope of landing a well-paid job with a leading employer’ suggestive of the fact that many graduates are oblivious to the pressures and expectations of applied work in the ‘real world’.

Yet the question remains as to how much time one should invest in such

placements. Although many employers - Ernst and Young being prime examples - have little faith in the scheme, recruitment currently entails using the 2:1 degree as an effective marker in distinguishing which applicants should be considered. Robert Burgess, vice-chancellor of Leicester University, demeans this method of sifting applicants as a ‘blunt instrument’ that sidelines any prior work experience and alternate skills the applicant might have.’ Yet Carl Gilleard, chief executive of the Association of Graduate Recruiters, reasoned

that ‘Employers have to find a way of getting [the applicants] down to manageable numbers’, the 2:1 ‘cut off ’ point being the most efficient way of determining this.

The ideal is obvious: a graduate buoyed by their 2:1 topped off with an array of dazzling experience placements. In this current competitive climate, university for many sheds its stigma of weekly trips to Legends and becomes an institution ultimately designed to create the perfect applicant ready to compete for the dwindling vacancies on the job market.

THE NEWS THAT MADE ME EMILY RAE

#3 - Realise my accent isnt that bad Remember learning a language at secondary school? You memorised the grammar perfectly but still felt like a plonker putting on an accent. Well the perfect foreign accent can literally be achieved overnight for some if they suffer from ‘foreign accent syndrome’ which has only affected 60 people worldwide.

This is what happened to Birmingham born Debbie Royston, who after numerous seizures had to re-learn the English language – and then spoke with a thick French accent. Bizarrely, she has never once visited France yet people continually mistake her as French.

I currently study Linguistics with French and fluency will hopefully become a reality in my third year abroad. Moreover since I ventured up North, I have loved the multitude of accents but having my accent singled out as the minority has been a new experience for me.

People think I sound posh just because I have a Southern accent, from Buckinghamshire to be precise. This fact is always followed by ‘Ooh Buckinghamshire eh.’ And then some quip about talking like the Queen.

The funny thing is, people back home don’t think I speak posh at all.

In fact, since I announced to the family that I wanted to study Linguistics with French, they seem to have converted into Grammar Nazis. Apparently Linguistics is a folly choice if I fail to score a triple word score in Scrabble.

But alas, it’s not just in board games where I am put under this intense pressure. The fact I don’t speak in Received Pronunciation and the unnecessary amount of times I use the word “like” in a sentence are now received with undisguised scepticism and disbelief.

Despite being informed by some I speak like the Queen, and by others, the gutter, I like my accent. Poor Brummie-Debbie has no choice but to learn to like hers. She states it took her a while to see the funny side of her accent and finds it offensive when her friends say they prefer this one considering the ‘French effect’ will most likely wear off over the coming months.

Meanwhile, I’m conscious that any text I send haphazardly to a family member will be scrutinised for spelling, analysed for accidental typos, and heaven forbid I should add an abbreviation. I have pointed out however that ironically, non-standard grammar is all part of language change and will actually be an aspect of Linguistics I will study - but no-one takes any notice.

It’s becoming quite absurd. Take this for instance. A friendly game of Boggle with the family on Christmas Day, how quaint you might think! But oh no. Every time I got beaten by my six year old cousin I felt the hairs on my neck raise (not that I have a hairy neck I hasten to add), and the mutterings would begin behind my back. Not to mention the disapproving glances.

Linguistics, you say. Reaaally. Would help if she could find the word “cat” out of 12 letters wouldn’t it?

Yes, Auntie Dorothy. Because that is what I’m going to spend the next four years doing, travelling over 200 miles, scrounging around £20,000, to get a Linguistics with French degree in isn’t it. To learn how to beat my six year old cousin at a board game.

The Courier

Monday 20 February 2012

Comment

Comment Editors Sophie McCoid and Susie May Beever Online Comment Editor Jack Torrance courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk

Should we give tax breaks to married couples?

Under new Conservative proposals tying the knot could save you money MORGAN AYRE

YES

C

onsdiering the billions of people worldwide who tuned in to watch Prince William and KateMiddleton tie the knot in April 2011 the support for marriage in our society is not dead.

The plan to create a tax break for married couples is an excellent idea to raise the status of marriage and make people more aware of its value.

Many people in Britain would still agree that even in 2012 marriage is still an important part of our culture and still highly regarded as it benefits society in a large number of ways, both socially and economically.

Single parents or couples who stay unmarried for the long-term are two types of people who could really benefit from the encouragement and aid the marriage tax break brings. While the majority of people in these or similar positions will not experience difficulties or struggles, some will in terms of finance and even legal rights such as child care, expenses or home ownership. I am not trying to say that tax breaks will automatically solve any of these problems as even married couples struggle in these areas. However, it could go some way to ease them by promoting the idea of two people working together as a team with firm legal support behind them.

Aside from any economic or legalistic arguments, morals to a large extent are necessary for Britain. Perhaps a tax break in terms of marriage is an easy way to help curb the growing number of broken homes in Britain by creating a more stable family system. Even though the stigmas of being unmarried have virtually disappeared I think a lot of us are scared to admit the moral values which the institution of marriage brings in case we are perceived to be too conservative and old fashioned. There is nothing wrong with believing in a tradition that creates a stronger sense of commitment and unity and is there ultimately for the good of families.

The recent plans to scrap proposals for marriage tax breaks could seriously back-fire and a decision the government need to think carefully about. The marriage tax breaks are not about being restrictive or trying to travel back in time when nuclear families were the norm. It is simply a way to help couples that choose marriage to support themselves a bit bet-

PUT A RING ON IT Do nuptuals make

you a better parent?

Cartoon: Luke Henman

consider the benefits more carefully. Many other family groups and individuals in society receive help from the government, why should married couples be any different? If some couples are really against the idea of getting married then tax breaks will not persuade them either, but it is definitely an inspiration for those who are sitting on the fence.

NIKESH JANI

NO

I

n these times of austerity, it is simply a waste to throw away much needed cash on a measure that’s only use is in abetting conservative values.

Ideological issues aside, claims such as those by a Conservative MP stating that tax cuts are needed “to help

the recovery” are foolish. Loss in government income is not what the country needs when so many European

Marriage is simply an outdated institution that is to decline further states have been close to ruin due to their debt.

A transferable tax allowance for married couples is essentially pointless, regardless of our economic position. Those couples who choose not to marry do so for personal reasons; it’s surely absurd to think that a tax break would change their minds. It really is offensive to insinuate that non married couples by choice are so morally

ambivalent that £150 a year can sway their decision. Traditionalists need to recognise that not engaging in nuptials is a perfectly valid and thought out decision, and not just a lazy manifestation of indifference.

The majority of arguments for a tax break centre on the effects on children, and obviously a stable and loving family is good for children and society in the long run. But blatant attempts of social engineering really isn’t the way to achieve this. If the core aim is to help children other measures are more appropriate; methods that wouldn’t exclude other groups such as cohabitating couples, divorced couples, and widows.

Society has moved on rapidly since the days when a traditional nuclear family was the norm. As Nick Glegg said, “We should not take a particular version of the family institution, such as the 1950s model of suit-wearing, bread-winning dad and aproned, home-making mother - and try and preserve it” In the reality of modern society, A tax break would fundamentally be ignoring the prevalence and needs of so many others in the country, to appease a demographic that is on the way to becoming less extensive.

The marriage rate is at its lowest ever since the late 19th century, and has

fallen by a third compared to the start of the 1980s. It is quickly becoming an institution of little importance.

There may be facts and figures around that seem to show that married couples are in some way or another better than everyone else, but a snapshot of society today would show that marriage is simply an out-dated institution that is predicted to decline even further in the foreseeable future.

Hopelessly clinging onto increasingly redundant world views really isn’t good for anyone.

The perpetually irate middle England needs to stop claiming that ignoring marriage in the tax system is discriminatory, and realise that tax breaks will constitute unfair discrimination, in that they position one way of life as superior to others.

Tax breaks are just a senseless way of some Conservatives trying to force their archaic values onto the rest of the country, and George Osborne must be commended in putting the interests of the country (both financially and socially) before some of the outdated views within his party.

Emails in response to articles should be sent to: editor.union@ncl.ac.uk

12.

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

One Million Years On Kawara

As part of this year’s fourth biennial AV Festival, the Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art is presenting a twenty–volume book project devised

by Japanese-born and New York-based conceptual artist, On Kawara.

One Million Years was created in 1969 and aims to condense the entirety of human history into its pages. Embracing the theme As Slow As Possible, this epic tome offers an opportunity for the viewer to participate by reading aloud from its dense, numerical body. The piece features a desk and two chairs in the middle of an empty gallery space. Over a period of two months, members of the public will be invited to recite progressive dates going one million years into the future or the past.

Kawara’s previous work has also been concerned with the passage of time. In 1966, he embarked on his ambitious and ongoing Today Series of Date paintings, each one consisting of the date on which it was made silhouetted against a plain coloured background. Time also plays an important role in his creative process. Kawara has made over 2000 paintings since the 1960s but has strict rules regarding creating them – if a canvas remains unfinished before midnight, he will destroy it.

One Million Years directly confronts the fleeting nature of individual life. Dealing with such evocative subject matter, this exhibition promises to be thought-provoking, harrowing and definitely worth a visit. If you’d like to take part in a reading, they take place continuously in one-anda-half-hour slots, every day between March 1-31 2012. To book your reading slot in advance email onemillionyears@avfestival.co.uk.

ARTS

Lauren Stafford

Waiting for a Car Crash

Jonathan Schipper In keeping with the theme of As Slow as Possible, Jonathan Schipper, leader of a new generation of artists seeking to combine movement with the static, aims to simulate a head-on car crash in a safe, controlled environment. Based on his previous series of slow motion car crash sculptures in which the sculptures were animated using high concept mechanics, Schipper will create a piece consisting of one full sized car crashing into a wall, but the movement is so slow as to be invisible; he will decelerate a moment that usually takes a fraction of a second, so that it lasts an entire month: from March 1 to 31. By removing the spectacle, Schipper creates an experience only normally accessible through film and encourages us to contemplate our own mortality by experiencing a normally traumatic event in a secure, almost static situation. It’s an unmissable opportunity to view, not only a normally virtually imperceptible event in dramatic detail, but also to appreciate a new and developing artistic movement. The length of the ‘crash’ also encourages repeat visits as the work unfolds slowly and dramatically, ensuring a different perception every time.

Millie Walton

Slow Cinema Wee

Slowalk

WALKS

Hamish Fulton Hamish Fulton describes himself as a ‘walking artist’; his work takes the form of walks that can last anywhere between a day and several weeks. They are then displayed as photographs combined with evocative captions that allow the viewer to form their own personal interpretation. The renowned British artist is bringing one of his legendary slow walks to Newcastle as part of the AV Festival 2012. Slowalk takes place along the Newcastle Quayside on March 31 and the festival is looking for 500 participants to take part in this communal walk designed by the artist across an abandoned car park. The installation is designed to be an opportunity for the public to have an unforgettable experience while contributing to the art itself. A silent, slow walk across a car park may not be everyone’s cup of tea but, immersed in the post-industrial landscape, the artist hopes it will be a meditative experience, providing a unique opportunity to become both the art and the audience. Preconceptions aside, Slowalk will certainly be a rare opportunity to be part of an art piece by one of Britain’s leading artists, and won’t be one you’ll forget in a hurry.

To take part in Slowalk, visit www.avfestival.co.uk. Advanced booking is required.

Georgia Snow

March 8-11

The Courier

.13

Monday 20 February 2012

Taking music as it comes March 1 - 31

Spread over several sites across the North East, the AV festival has in recent years become one of the premier multimedia festivals in the country and beloved of a niche of hard core art lovers.

Aside from the visual art, film and technological sides of the festival, there are several music events, focusing largely on the more esoteric end of the spectrum – you’re very unlikely to find many fans of The Wanted hanging about at the back of any of the gigs planned for this year’s festival. With performers including Attila Csihar from Sunn O))), and Newcastle’s own :zoviet*france - a band who can use the phrase “indeterminacy as a compositional parameter has been a constant in our work” with straight faces - the watchword here is certainly ‘experimental’.

It might all sound very intimidating, but at this point I’m reminded very much of something my Dad said to me when I first encountered pizza and was wary of it. “Son”, he said, looking me straight in the eyes, “you had to try chips once.” So, with this sage advice ringing in your ears, throw yourself into the deep end of the AV festival. You never know, you might just be sinking your teeth into fourteen inches of doughy, greasy goodness.

MUSIC

Tom Nicholson

Russian Ark Tyneside Theatre March 5 - 5.45pm

Although 10 years have passed since its release in 2002, Russian Ark remains one of the most successful films of both slow and Russian/German cinema. It is made up of one single 96-minute-long shot, and despite not achieving significant revenues, possibly due to its art house nature, the movie gained much critical acclaim.

Russian Ark, directed by Alexander Sokurov and his most well-known work to date, was entirely shot in the Winter Palace of the State Hermotage Museum in St. Petersburg and is a journey through 300 years of Russian history. An invisible narrator wanders through the building and encounters various historical periods from Peter the Great to the siege of Leningrad during World War II in the different rooms. He is accompanied by a man referred to as ‘the European’ (Sergey Dreyden), a cynical French diplomat from the 19th century.

Lisa Bernhardt

ekend

FILMS

Everything at this year’s AV festival is based on the theme As Slow As Possible, including the films to be screened. If you are now wondering how a movie can be made in a ‘slow’ manner - yes, it is indeed possible! Being a relatively young genre, this cinematic category, dubbed ‘slow cinema’ is still only very roughly defined. Canadian author Paul McFedries’ definition as “a movie genre that features slow pacing, minimalist scenes, long takes, and a focus on details and mood rather than narrative” might give you a good idea.

During the month-long AV Festival, 30 films from a range of international filmmakers, including the likes of Sharon Lockhart, Andrei Tarkovsky, Bela Tarr and Alexander Sokurov, will be screened. Apart from the additional talks and panel discussions with the respective directors, as well as critics and curators, the event will host several small installations and three major exhibitions, two by James Benning (one of them a world premiere) and one by Torsten Lauschmann.

The heart of the festival‘s cinematic side will be the ‘Slow Cinema Weekend’ from March 8 to 11, featuring four of the most innovative contemporary filmmakers. These include Filipino director, Lav Diaz, who will also be available for a Q&A session, with his 8-hour work Melancholia; Fred Kelemen from Germany with his famous trilogy Fate - Frost - Nightfall; the Argentine filmmaker Lisandro Alonso’s debut La Libertad and more recent work Liverpool; and Ben Rivers from the UK who will introduce his first feature-length film Two Years at Sea. All screenings, not just the ‘Slow Cinema Weekend’, will take place at the Tyneside Cinema and the Star and Shadow Cinema in Byker.

Lisa Bernhardt

A month of culture on your door, taking life As Slow As Possible For all those who have no idea what the AV Festival is, it is a chance for people to immerse themselves in a pool of international, national and local culture. And the best part is that it tailors to all tastes and it is right on your doorstop.

For those who have never found the appeal in wandering around an art gallery, or sitting through a film with subtitles, this is your chance to find out why ‘cultural’ doesn’t actually mean ‘boring’, with the unique and revolutionary experience that is the AV Festival - with most events free of charge, what do you really have to lose?

In today’s society, we are so determined to live life to the full and make everything go as fast as possible with the aim of being more efficient, more successful and generally better. But the AV Festival is refuting this way of life and embracing a slower pace. This year’s theme is As Slow As Possible, where people are encouraged to stop rushing around, relax and go with the flow of life while appreciating the world around them.

The AV Festival commissions new work and curates thematic strands of internationally significant existing work. Each festival consists of around 20 exhibitions and 60 special events, including concerts, film screenings and talks, all simultaneously taking place across Newcastle, Gateshead, Sunderland and Middlesbrough.

The Courier team have picked out some of the highlights of the festival, but for more information about what is going on throughout March, visit www.avfestival.co.uk

14.

Monday 20 February 2012

A dummies’ guide to Oscar success Chris Taylor

Avoid animated features If you want a Best Picture, don’t be an animated movie – only three have ever been nominated and Up and Toy Story 3 were pretty much only picked because they were needed to fill out the nomination list which had been increased from 5 nominees to 10. You’ll probably be stuck in the Best Animated Picture category!

Be white, straight and male If you want Best Director, be a straight, white, male in your 40s – only one woman has ever won Best Director (Kathryn Bigelow) and only one Asian director has won (Ang Lee). As well as this, only four gay or bisexual directors have won and the youngest was Norman Taurog at 32, but that was back in 1931 so it doesn’t really count. A sad fact really.

Imitate, die or be disabled If you want Best Actor, either play someone real, die or be disabled in some way – The Oscars love biopics and sob stories!

The Oscars is probably the only place in which Idi Amin will win a positive award thanks to The Last King of Scotland. A good death scene also goes a long way!

Get ugly!

If you want Best Actress, get ugly! – If you’re in Hollywood, you’re probably the closest thing to looking like an angel on earth. So if you strip back and lose all the make-up, it’ll somehow enhance your performance. “Oh she looks so different!

What a great actress to do that!” Cough, Kate Winslet, cough.

Don’t be Gary Oldman If you want any awards, don’t be Gary Oldman. Seriously. I can’t count the number of great roles he’s played because I don’t have that many fingers but it’s only this year that he’s actually been nominated for an Oscar. Oh, Academy, you disappoint me so!

The Courier

Going for gold: Oscar’s legacy With the world of film recognising its outstanding talent this Sunday, Luke Hearfield looks over the historical moments that have shaped the famous film ceremony The Oscars used to be a very special reflection upon the film industry’s achievements of the year. Now Hollywood moguls have slopped so much glamour and polish onto the event that it has become a transparent catwalk of fashion, overly long winded speeches and tacky opening ceremonies. Whether or not it’s your cup of tea, it still marks the pinnacle for cinematic acknowledgement. To win, be nominated or simply be invited to the Oscars is a clear statement of importance within the world of Hollywood and with the statuettes themselves dipped in 24-carat gold, they are an attractive prize in more ways than one.

Billy Crystal will be returning to host the evening for an impressive ninth time after Eddie Murphy backed down.

Often known for his comedic reliability, let’s hope Crystal can deliver a better show than last year’s feeble attempt from youthful marketing strategy mules Anne Hathaway and James Franco.This will be the 84th Academy Awards since its humble beginnings when the Academy was nothing more than a handful of stuffy

old men.

The very first Oscar ceremony, which took place on May 16 1929, was a very intimate affair with almost zero publicity. Held in the Roosevelt Hotel, tickets cost just five dollars and only 270 people attended the 15-minute formality; this was short lived, as the next year showed a massive boom of interest after the ceremony was broadcast on the radio. Since then, the event has always been publicised, eventually leading to the whirlwind of glitz, celebrities and style coverage we’re now subjected to.

An Oscar is one of the most coveted prizes in the film industry and there have been many significant achievements at the ceremonies in both film and sociological terms. In 1940, Hattie McDonald walked from her segregated section of the Coconut Grove Hotel to collect her Best Supporting Actress award for Gone with the Wind. This marked a crowning achievement in cinema as she was the first African American to receive both a nomination and then to win. And even more recently, until 2010 there had

Oscars can launch unknown films and companies to the world stage such as Swiss production company Condor films (1991)

never been a female director who got the nod for best director. But Kathryn Bigelow beat off ex-husband James Cameron to the title by becoming the first female director in history to succeed with war biopic The Hurt Locker.

Originally, the statuettes were referred to as an ‘Academy Award of Merit’, but the name ‘Oscar’ was supposedly adopted when Academy librarian Margaret Herrick stated that the statues resembled her Uncle Oscar. The winners of this year’s Oscars will be revealed on Sunday February 26 at the world-renowned Kodak Theatre. Make sure you tune in and experience glamour, speeches and above all, great cinema.

Oscar moments: the good, the bad and the ugly

Best

Speech by Christopher Reeve, 1996 An equestrian accident left him paralysed from the neck down, but that didn’t stop Christopher Reeve from giving a moving speech on Hollywood’s duty to raise awareness of social issues in films. The actor who embodied Superman in the original movies received probably one of the longest standing ovations in Oscar Musical intro by Hugh Jackman, 2009 Hollywood blockbusters surely don’t need to be as expensive as they are if you can squeeze them all into one show. After a probably exhausting arts-and-craft session, Hugh Jackman introduced all of 2009’s Best Picture nominees in his opening number whilst taking the mickey out of them (and himself). Guest appearance from the surprisingly strong-voiced Anne Hathaway included.

Worst

Halle Berry’s Speech Another awful speech, beaten only by Paltrow.

Berry was the first African American woman ever to win an Oscar for a leading performance so we can forgive her for the emotions. However, her incessant tears, snot, and bizarre body convulsions were truly shameful to watch. She can be slightly forgiven for her Razzie speech. But only a little.

Roberto Benigni going crazy, 1997 La vita é bella is without a doubt a cinematic masterpiece that perfects the art of combining sorrow and humour like hardly any other film. Roberto Benigni’s reaction to winning Best Foreign Language Film, however, was an expression of pure joy with him climbing over the seats and waving his arms after being announced by the equally enthusiastic Sophia Loren.

Heath Ledger wins posthumous Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, 2009 His unexpected death was one of the saddest incidents in recent film history. Nevertheless, Heath Ledger’s The Joker in The Dark Knight is already considered to be one of the most iconic film portrayals ever.

Watching his family accept the Oscar on his behalf was the moment of the night that plucked everyone’s heartstrings.

Kathryn Bigelow: first woman to win ‘Best Director’, 2010 What‘s the best thing that can happen to a woman after divorcing her husband? Being the first woman to win an Oscar for Best Director whilst your ex is nominated in the same category with the most successful film ever. James Cameron got owned, but more importantly, Kathryn Bigelow proved that women can indeed do a great job in responsible, creative roles like directing.

Gwyneth Paltrow winning Best Actress for Shakespeare in Love Probably the worst speech of all time, this moment was a travesty for two reasons: 1) The fact that Gwyneth beat the arguably better Cate Blanchett; 2) The fact that Gwyneth couldn’t say a single word of her ridiculously long speech without hysterically crying. Truly dire.

Anne Hathaway and James Franco as hosts Possibly the worst hosts of all time, Franco and Hathaway failed in The Academy’s attempt to make the Oscars watchable to a “younger demographic.” He appeared to be stoned for the whole show, at one point wearing a dress, whilst she managed to cement herself even further as Hollywood’s most irritating actress. Just awful.

Angelina Jolie snogs her brother At the 2000 Academy Awards, when Jolie nabbed the Best Supporting Actress gong, she thanked her brother - though a bit too much for everyone’s liking. Not only did she say ‘and I’m so in love with my brother right now,’ which was a bit odd, but she then proceeded to continually kiss him in front of the paparazzi: weird, creepy, and inappropriate.

Marlon Brando not accepting his Best Actor Oscar Brando refused to show up and instead sent an Apache Indian woman called Sacheen Littlefeather to reject the award because of the way American Indians were treated by the film industry. The whole debacle proved to be pointless and rather embarrassing for Brando, however, when it was revealed that the woman wasn’t an Apache Indian at all: instead she was an aspiring actress named Maria Cruz.

Sam Hopkins

The Courier

.15

Monday 20 February 2012

Oscars 2012: Nomination Highlights

Best Picture

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

The Descendants The Descendants is a drama set in Hawaii starring George Clooney as Matt, a troubled father divided between a hectic business deal and reconnecting with his two daughters following the death of their mother. With Clooney nominated for an Oscar and stunning acting from

by Shailene Woodley and Amara Miller alongside a beautifully poignant story line, the Best Picture nomination is well-deserved.

Bonnie Stuart

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Joe Mathe Oscar co

The Tree of Life

Connecting the personal story of an individual human being with the beginning of the universe and the earth’s potential fate might be a bold step for a filmmaker. Nevertheless, Terrence Malick received critical acclaim (including a Palme d’Or at Cannes) for his work that was considered to be both emotionally and visually convincing.

Midnight in Paris Holly-

t follows a jaded lf transWoody Allen’s lates who finds himse r ite wood screenwr e to the 1920s, hobnobbing tistic ported back in tim ary, musical and ar with the city’s liter on form as a screenwriter, elite. Allen is back e story and a frontrunner st Dicreating a witty lov l Screenplay and Be style e th for the Best Origi, na ks lac lm fi e th but rector categories ns best picture. that normally wi Sam Summers

The Help

Illustration: Daisy Billowes

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Lisa Bernhardt

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Hugo

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Best Actress

©A.M.A.P.S.®

Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs

Like many people, the existence of Albert Nobbs had completely passed me by, as had the fact that Glenn Close plays a man. The Academy does like an unconventional role, so there’s a chance.

Viola Davis ,The Help

My personal favourite to win, a newcomer to the Academy Awards who fully deserves a gong for a brilliantly emotive performance that stood out in a film full of exceptional performances.

Rooney Mara, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

As good a job as Rooney Mara did in this wholly unnecessary American version, it seems horribly unfair that Noomi Rapace’s portrayal of the same

Lisa Bernhardt

The Artist

The Artist, se in 1920/30s Hollywood wthe still read “Holly n the sign follows the ri woodland”, silent movie stse and fall of a dancer with thar and a young sound. Anoth e coming of old Hollywooder nostalgic film of as being one of and cinema, as well few silent films in the 21st cent ur y, it will dazzlereleased Oscars. at the Joe Mathers

Best Actor Demián Bichir , A Better Life

No buzz whatsoever seems to have generated around Demián Bichir, largely because nobody seems to know who he is, what he starred in or why he stole Michael Fassbender’s spot in the nominations.

George Clooney , The Descendants

The smart money’s on Clooney to win the gong this year, where it can sit prettily on the shelf next to the statue he won for Syriana. Clooney seems to produce only two kinds of movies; terrible ones, and Oscar-bait. I still feel that the first kind shouldn’t be ignored in light of the second.

Jean Dujardin, The Artist

character was ignored by the Academy…

Though I expect Clooney to win, Jean Dujardin’s Errol Flynn-esque portrayal of a silent movie star seems more deserving, and he’s in with a good chance, having already picked up the Golden Globe and Bafta.

Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

The bookies’ favourite to win, you can’t really say that Streep doesn’t deserve it - she’s now up to seventeen nominations and only two wins. That said, it’ll be a shock if she doesn’t get the gong this year. If you’re going to lose, lose to Meryl Streep.

Michelle Williams ,My Week With Marilyn

Williams has the disadvantage of standing in the formidable shadows of Streep and Close, without the commercial success of Davis and Mara to back her up; as a result, her odds don’t look great…

Beccy Orwin

Surprisingly, people haven’t really been talking about Gary Oldman, which is doubly shocking when you realise that – somehow – this is actually Oldman’s first ever Oscar nomination. Who knew?

Brad Pitt, Moneyball

Another whispered favourite on his fourth nomination with no wins and a film that seems to have been more of a critical than commercial success. I’d be pretty surprised to see Pitt win.

Beccy Orwin

16.lifestyletravel

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

Hit the road, Jack

Top 5

Packing essentials

Lauren Cordell buckles up on Route 66 Lauren Windas careens down the Atlantic Coast Road Kate Stokes rides along the Great River Road

1

Cooler

Los Angeles, California

Thirst is unexpected and it cannot be ignored. A cooler is hence necessary for any road trips.

Other than the usual beer, juice and water it can also be used to store some fresh fruit, veggies, bread, and cheese from the various departmental stores on the way for when an excess of junk food has been had.

Sleeping Bag

2

For when there is no good motel in sight or an impromptu bonfire is planned. Highways and outskirts can get really cold at night. It’s better to be warm and toasty and everyone has a comfortable place to sleep and stretch his or her legs, plus it’s better than fighting over who gets the backseat!

Towel

3

Taking a page from the ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,’ a simple towel can come very handy in unforeseen situations. To cover the window if the sun is too strong, to roll up as a cushion, to wipe spilt drinks, to cover your eyes while trying to sleep, are a few examples of countless such times when a towel can be your best friend.

Bathing suit

4

Leaving behind the scenic backwaters of your cross-country journey, wander along the stars of Hollywood Boulevard and marvel at how small John Wayne’s feet were outside Mann’s Chinese Theatre. Celebrity gossips will love discovering the houses of the rich and famous on a tour of Beverley Hills and should search out opportunities to be in the audience of television chat shows.

Sports-enthusiasts should try and catch an LA Lakers game, while adrenaline-junkies and the young-at-heart should not miss Disneyland and Universal Studios. And if all that seems too superficial and in-your-face, head out to the beach at Santa Monica or Venice Beach and just relax.

Route 66 tunoeutes66

y-R oad Chuck Berr e Mother Rof 66 Th y d o h R ft e n L la s A s nd - What’ Jason EklaCat Trio - 2200 mile d The Ma

The Grand Canyon Oklahoma State

Forgotten most of the times, a bathing suit comes very handy if a clean lake or pond suddenly appears or there is a small waterfall, even if the motel/hotel you’re planning to stay at for the night has a swimming pool.

List of people to get souvenirs for

5

Just to avoid that awkward moment when you come back home and realise that you forgot to get anything back for your annoying kid sister who will never let you hear the end of it.

Keep a list of names and tick them off as you get souvenirs for each person.

Ridhu Bhatia

Continuing on into Arizona, stay the night in a concrete tepee at the quirky Wigwam Village en route to the awe-inspiring Grand Canyon. Standing on the edge of the one mile deep, two-hundred-mile-long and ten-mile-wide canyon, the enormity and drama of the earthy landscape is literally breath-taking, particularly in the glow of sunrise and sunset.

Appreciate the panorama from atop the watchtower on the South Rim before venturing down a trail on foot or by mule, past cheeky chipmunks, towards the meandering Colorado River below. Alternatively, join an organised rafting trip along the river or splurge on an once-in-a-lifetime helicopter ride for a different perspective of this natural wonder of the world.

Oklahoma State has none of the drama of the big city but all the charm of old America. Pick and choose from roadside attractions such as the Totem Pole Park in Foyil and the Memorial to the actor Will Rogers in Claremore. Learn the sobering history of El Reno, established to pacify Native Americans and later used as a World War II POW camp, or step back in time in the recreated Wild West town in Elk City and over the state border in the restored town of Mclean, Texas. If the small town vibe gets too much, spend a couple of days in Tulsa, where you can discover the history of America’s worst race riots at the Greenwood Cultural Center and dine in the lively Brookside district.

The Courier

travellifestyle.17

Monday 20 February 2012

Atlantic City, New Jersey

The Gateway Arch, St Louis

atch y w o T wa e h t one in St Louis’

Standing at 630 feet and the tallest man-made monument in the United States, the Gateway Arch in St Louis is regularly ranked among Travel & Leisure’s most visited attraction in the world. Obviously not recommended for those who are acrophobic, the Gateway Arch is a whole adult blue whale (or 110 feet) taller than the Blackpool Tower. On the west bank of the Mississippi River, the views from the top are alone are worth the visit.

Meet m Garland with Judy

Battleship, North Carolina Atlantic City is home to the oldest beach boardwalk in the world and is famous for its bright lights and casinos. Known as the second largest gambling market in the United States, it attracts millions of visitors annually who come to let their hair down. The five-mile boardwalk along the New Jersey Shore is the perfect seaside attraction, coupling a family atmosphere with the jingle of amusement sounds and the smell of confectionery and snack stalls.

To experience America’s culture and history, tourists must not miss out on visiting North Carolina’s battleship. Situated in Wilmington, the 72-year old battleship was considered the world’s greatest sea weapon during World War 2 and visitors can come aboard and explore the historic vessel to gain an insight of the war. The battleship has been a popular filming location for One Tree Hill and the Discovery Channel, suggesting its wide scale appeal across America. Visiting the battleship will provide a fascinating and educational insight into America’s history that will undoubtedly complement a road trip in America.

Miami Zoo, Florida

As the Atlantic Coast road trip comes to an end, tourists should soak up Miami’s glorious heat as they stroll through the Miami MetroZoo. In the famous ‘Sunshine State’, the zoo has become one of the best in America as its climate allows the keeping of a range of fascinating animals from Asia, Africa and Australia.

The zoo is home to critically endangered animals; all well treated in the first free-range zoo in the country, with exhibits that are completely cageless. The Miami MetroZoo is a fantastic way to round up the holiday of a lifetime through experiencing the splendour that is the Atlantic Coast of America.

Music and Tennessee

Quick guide to getting your visa Everyone dreams of jetting off to America and embarking on the road trip of a lifetime, however, things are not always simple. Here you will find a step-by-step guide of how to go about acquiring your travel visa for the USA. • Applicants should generally apply through the U.S. Embassy or Consulate in their country of permanent residence.

• An interview with the Embassy Consular section is required. The waiting time for interviews varies, so it is strongly advised to apply as early as possible.

So you may have to venture from the road a bit but music and Tennessee go together like McDonalds and a hangover. Tennessee has played a huge role in the development of rock and roll and blues music and Beale Street in Memphis is considered by many to be the birthplace of the blues. Memphis was also home to Sun Records where musicians such as Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash began their recording careers.

Finally, whilst it may sound a cliché, Graceland is always worth a look at whether you are an Elvis fan or not.

Required documentation • The online Non-immigrant Visa Electronic Application, Form DS-160 must be completed.

• You must have a passport valid for travel in the U.S. with a validity date of at least six months beyond your intended period of stay.

• One photograph that fits the required format.

• Of course there are visa fees: the processing fee - a receipt of which will need to be shown at your interview - and the issuance fee, which will be charged if the visa is issued.

Freya Leete

18.lifestylesex&relationships

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

Morning after ettiquette

What your condom says about you

1

Whether you’re a ‘get up and go’ guy or a ‘got to get to know you’ girl, Claire Vaughan discovers how to engineer the smoothest post-sex scenario.

No condom

The Ideal Situation

A good start, I thought, for us students in our ‘sexual prime’. Whatever the reason, we are all guilty of this little sexual misdemeanour. At least, I know I am.

And the seven other people I live with are. So I’m taking a gamble and assuming that the majority of you reading this are, too.

The reasons for taking this risk with diseases varies immensely, from being too drunk, too lazy, too caught up in the ‘throes of passion’, or the unfortunate classic, “it feels better without”. It might feel inconvenient at the time – but finding out a month down the line that you have gonorrhoea and a baby on the way is sure to hinder those summer plans!

Your flatmate’s

JLS

You’re too young to have sex. Ok, maybe you just have the music taste of an adolescent teenage girl.

That, or you think they’re a funny gift for your other half. Either way, JLS condoms are not okay. At £2.99 for a pack of three, you really are just paying for a picture of Marvin’s face to be close to you whilst you’re doing the dirty. Shame on you. The least you could do is invest in a ‘JLS Party Mask’ (yes, they do exist) for your boyfriend and do it properly.

‘Vintage’ condom from your wallet

4

Chances are you have been waiting a while for this moment. A golden opportunity. I’d say that it is but a common myth that students get regular, good sex. Therefore you must savour it.

Wrap yourself with pride and take a deep breath. If it’s been that long then this is likely to resemble that of a carousel ride – short

5

Ribbed

You know what you want and how to get it. No novelties, assorted-fruit aromas or cheesy, off-putting boy band members. This trusty style is an alltime favourite and if you’re a female, sure to make your experience that little bit better.

Why not go all out and purchase a range of these patterned pleasures; dotted, twisted or even studded – there’s something for everyone.

And no excuse not to protect yourself.

Clare Vaughan

Worst Case Scenario

2

“I’m sure there’s one in here... errrrrrrr... maybe they’re in my drawer!....” No? There is only one solution. Either you chance it with the precarious and previously-mentioned risks (also relying on the fact your awaiting partner will agree to this), or you take a trip to the neighbouring room. You stumble in, desperate and half naked. The promise that you will ‘love them forever’ just does not seem like enough. The emergence of that little (or, ahem, extra large) rubber miracle feels like a lifeline. Relief. Just remember to stock up and return the favour.

3

If you’re lucky they will leave immediately. There will be a polite exchange of words and potentially some vague chat about booking a taxi. It’s advisable to avoid all topics which may require the use of their first name. The number one rule is don’t ask too many questions. Be clear, in the nicest possible way, that you don’t want anything more than just meaningless sex from them and send they out the door with a friendly wave.

If you’re looking for a somewhat violent method of forcing your unsuspecting lover out bed, try taking a leaf out of my flatmate’s book. After a night of passion the comment , “I really like you – you remind me of my ex girlfriend” resulted in his untimely expulsion of out of the house . He was wearing nothing but his shame and confusion.

Get up and go We’ve all been there. Sometimes the only thing to do is sneak away at the opportune moment. Leaving without even acknowledging the person seems insensitive so maybe it’s a good idea to write a token post-it note otherwise they might even question whether ‘the deed’ ever happened. I may be dubbed the ice queen but climbing out a window is quicker than hanging around for half an hour awkward small talk.

Smooth Talker One of the boys I asked had a refreshingly nice approach to this subject. He told me “I like to have a cuddle and a chat. Have a laugh and then call them a taxi.” If you want to engage in round two in the morning, don’t reveal your distaste too soon.

Top five: Morning after faux pax 1. Tag them in the pull-cam picture The infamous pull-cam. Like a religion – instils fear in all and yet unites the masses.

Although unlike religion, pull-cam is sinful.

Say your prayers and beg for mercy.

2. Call your friend to brag (whilst still in bed) about ending the ‘dry spell’ You are allowed to be proud – in secret. Regardless, the glee will be short lived when you realise you share a seminar.

3. Change your Facebook status to: ‘in a relationship’ Expect a restraining order. This action is the modern day equivalent of a highly inappropriate serenade. With an audience of 400 odd people.

4. Pull out a notepad and ask for some constructive criticism Unless you are insanely confident. In which case, you should not need any guidance.

5. Breathe on them.

Just no. Unless you are/look like Beyonce.

That will be distraction enough.

The Courier

Monday 20 February 2012

sex&relationshipslifestyle.19 Lifestyle Editors: Ben Parkin, Emma Balter, and Lauren Stafford Online Editor: Lauren Cordell

Blind Date

Jasmine Walker, 3rd year Applied Biology, meets Cal Murrell, 3rd year History and English Literature Jasmine on Cal

Cal on Jasmine

First impressions?

From his texts he sounded lovely and, after great scrutiny, all the girls I was with agreed. This was then confirmed when he came to pick me up from home, which I must point out meant him coming to Jesmond from town to then go back into town.

A lovely tall guy with a nice smile stood greeting me with a very friendly hello. When we got to the bar for drinks he confessed that he had bought me a Valentine’s Day card. The card reading “Well Fit” was definitely a great ice breaker!

First Impressions?

Really good - she opened the door and had a big smile on her face which was really reassuring.

What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?

Cal chose everything - with very little time he did a great job!

A classic drinks, food and cinema night all planned, booked and paid for by him. We started off with drinks, then food at a very good choice of restaurant, Marco Polo. We headed to the cinema where Cal also chose the film, The Vow Vow.. I’m not sure if he thought it was something I would have preferred to see, or that he secretly wanted to see it, but it was a good choice. It was very much full of crying mothers and daughters, screeching whenever Channing Tatum took his top off - we both just laughed.

Any striking conversation topics?

Other than general conversations topics about mutual friends, our courses, what we want to do after uni, we mainly discussed the other couples in the restaurant, laughing about how awkward they looked, and the horrific hairstyles that were being displayed. I also discovered his hatred for vegetables and even more horrifically his lack of a sweet tooth!

Any awkward moments?

No, not really, we had lots to talk about so there wasn’t any chance.

If you were to get married and have babies, what would you want your baby to inherit from your date?

Hmm, I would want them to inherit his lovely personality and his sense of humour. We had a good laugh.

Did you open the ex-file?

Yes, we did briefly discuss exes…

At any point did you understand why they were single?

Well, in my eyes any guy without a sweet tooth is definitely not a match made in heaven.

Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?

On the first date, it should always be the guy to initiate the first kiss…

If you were to take them home do you think your parents would approve?

Yes, they definitely would, he was lovely, polite and such a gentleman.

Marks out of 10?

I had a lovely time getting to know Cal, chatting, bitching and laughing. He scores very highly as he was very charming and such a gentleman. Paying for everything and buying me a card scores him an 8/10.

What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?

I thought ‘it’s the Sunday before Valentine’s Day… why not go down the traditional route...?’ Seeing as I spent last Valentine’s Day on the sofa, gorging on chocolate and alcohol, whilst watching action movies with a couple of other singletons, in a vain attempt not to feel sorry for myself, this year was infinitely better.

Any striking conversation topics?

Quite a few actually… Most revolved around us disparaging the couple sat opposite us. They were clearly on a date like us but it looked more like an ‘owner and pet’ relationship…

We bonded over our awkward sympathy for the ‘pet’. Another interesting conversation revolved around mutual friends and nights out with societies/clubs. We’re both on committee in a few clubs/societies so we chatted about each of our escapades in Tiger Tiger on a Wednesday and some of the trips we’ve been on with other societies. She had just come back from a Dance competition in Edinburgh and I’d been on the Ski trip at Christmas.

Any awkward moments?

Not really… Apart from when I gave her a Valentine’s card and then five minutes later she let slip how her phone had been passed around all 40 of the girls on her Edinburgh trip and my ‘hello’ text had been scrutinised by each of them… The horror on my face must have been a treat.

If you were to get married and have babies, what would you want your baby to inherit from your date?

I could list a few things, but the one that sticks in my mind is the sensible attitude towards drinking (to compensate for my lack thereof).

Hopefully then we’d come out with some kids who find a happy medium somewhere between world domination and the gutter.

Did you open the ex-file?

Yeah, we kind of got into that by accident… I didn’t think it was too traumatic an experience…

At any point did you understand why they were single?

Personally, I treat an understanding of sarcasm as practically common sense, but in reality, it should be called ‘rare sense’ because so few people seem to have it. As Jasmine has a pretty dry sense of humour and quite the sarcastic personality, I could possibly see why she might be single… Judging from a Saturday night out in Newcastle and *cough* Geordie Shore *cough*, I am not filled with confidence in the commonality of common sense. But that’s more a comment on the state of the market in Newcastle… Not Jasmine.

If you were to take them home do you think your parents would approve?

I think the real question is, would she approve of my parents?! I’m sure both my parents would love her… though my mum’s love might be conditional on how much information she is able to squeeze out of her about what I get up to at uni.

Marks out of 10?

8/10.

Tashin’ on in the Toon Victoria Mole

Everyone has an internal ‘snog, marry, avoid’ evaluation system when it comes to potential love interests. Needless to say, our judgement of relationship material could do with some work; we’ve all had a friend present a bloke to us that we can tell will commit more to making his FHM poll choice than he will to her, and in sixth form my best male friend ended up falling for the femme fatale: the Maneater.

Feeling that the situation wasn’t complicated enough, I decided to form a love triangle and just when you’d think that it couldn’t have been a bigger cliché, I’d been placed in ‘the friend zone’. Effectively, I was a boy that talks about feelings. I’d get invited to Dubstep nights and all-lad trips to the pub where no-one bothered censoring the banter. If he’d had a bad day or needed advice, I’d be on the other side of the phone.

Whilst my friends wanted to rock out the sexual tension jellyfish when I was with him, it was more of a job for the awkward turtle. After I made the confession, it took a long time for me to be able to talk to him without half expecting to see a Sam-shaped hole through the nearest wall, but now I wouldn’t have had things any other way. Despite a cheesy American sitcom storyline interfering with our friendship, we’re closer now and he’s one of the people from home that I talk to the most. Rejection from a friend is difficult to deal with initially, but it’s not a reason to feel insulted. His ‘type’ has always been tiny Latina women and I’m tallish with distinctly Scandinavian heritage - evidently not his cuppa. However, when someone’s comfortable enough to be themselves around you and can tell you anything, that’s one of the biggest compliments you can be paid. Everyone needs a perfectly platonic friendship with the opposite sex; at our age, it’s far more valuable than a relationship with a potential expiry date.

It’s when you’re placed in the opposite ‘zone’ that it’s impossible to maintain a friendship. I’ll give you a clue: it comes after spooning. ‘Friends with benefits’ sounds ideal in theory if you’re not looking to settle down. However, unrequited feelings almost always interfere in ongoing physical relationships. The name’s inaccurate because FWB rarely know each other properly and if someone places you in the ‘F-zone’, they won’t want a friendship; it complicates things and may be harder on their conscience if they’re only acting on animal instincts. It’s easier to see you as an object that gives them a high and this is demoralising if you’re emotionally attached. Many people are unsympathetic when empty ice cream tubs are the inevitable consequence of a liaison as both people are to blame for becoming involved; but it can take nun-like selfcontrol to say ‘no’ to someone you have feelings for when it’s a choice between that or nothing at all.

People rarely change their minds. I’ve spent nights in toilet cubicles with friends crying over people who only associate them with a less emotional release. If you like someone that doesn’t have feelings for you beyond their boxers, you’ll always be happier placing them in the ‘avoid’ pile. Should they make that problematic for you, leave them to your trusted male friends to deal with…

20.lifestyle

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

To do or not to do...?

That is the question. There are two sides to every story, and so this week the Lifestyle Team lay down the positives and negatives to make decision making that little bit easier next time around...

Shorthand

Engineers Without Borders

Who? The EWB society.

Strictly Engineers?

Not at all. They are committed to finding practical solutions to poverty worldwide.

You don’t have to be an engineer! All you need to join is a mind for practical progress and have a strong humanitarian agenda.

Still sounds pretty technical?

Their programmes provide opportunities for young people to learn about technology’s role in tackling poverty. Anyone can get involved and furthermore, as an international organisation, there’s always the opportunity to work on projects around the world.

I sense a road trip…

Perhaps, but we’re thinking more ‘bollocks to poverty’ than a boozy trip around Europe (disappointing I know). The placement launch on February 17 will host EWB’s chief executive and there will be a talk about the international placements available this year.

Which would involve…

Volunteer projects are well-structured and encourage positive thinking. Working in conjunction with partner development organisations, EWB are helping to build a world where everyone has access to the technology and infrastructure they need to defeat poverty.

What if I’m a home bird or have a morbid fear of flying?

There’s still plenty to get involved with as EWB have branches all over the country.

There is an Outreach Conference that will be held on the weekend of February 25.

This event will host 7 other EWB branches and looks to, amongst other things, improve teaching and presentation skills.

Presentation skills are all very well… but what use are they put to?

The conference is part of a project involved with local schools and aims to show students how engineering can play a part in developing society. EWB is just as much about interacting with other people as it is about the technical jargon.

Marvellous. My CV will reap the benefits…

The society is looking for dynamic, interested and forward-thinking individuals.

A debate has been organised involving other societies such as IDS, Coco, FoMSF, Stop Aids and SIFE so people have more chance to voice their opinions. All students are welcome.

That’s kind.

EWB looks to join up with other societies, like those mentioned previously in order to gain a diverse range of members. The union also just gave EWB a grant to build a wind turbine, under the guidance of a local engineer, who has spent the last few years refining his design. There’s clearly something for everyone, so go along to one of the weekly meetings or workshops and see for yourself!

Nonie Heal

For more information about the society or how to join, email Engineers Without Borders at

ewb.newcastle@ncl.ac.uk

arty Ex’s birthdadayyp party could go

birth Going to your ex’s ing on how you ended nd pe de y d either wa Let’s assume it ende your relationship. face it, it probably did. Two ’s badly which, let . All the way. It’s a phrase words: high roadd have all the will in the we often hear an t somehow in the process world to adopt, bu the whole end up spending ng of doing so welen tti heads cu y Da e’s tin of Va rning leftover out of pictures, bu g into Facebook in boxers and hack is opportunity accounts. Take th oking like Eva best, lo to rock up at your en you are in fact dying wh ac oz Pr on s less but Mende is with a little harm l defiu’l yo inside. Combine th d an his friends he’s at wh blatant flirting with of him a good show nitely give missing.

Pros

Cons

Going to pre-drinks

At university, pre-drink as big a social part of theing becomes almost out itself. The smell of Sinnight as the night ners is far more tolerable if you’re not ent you go. During pre-drinkirely sober before any music you want (clu ing you can play don’t play enough Justin bs nowadays really you have all the space youTimberlake) and in your living room to wa need to ‘shuffle’ rm up in preparation for the shapes you’ll be the dance floor later. Lea throwing on your ‘beer blanket’ on is ving the house with another advantage and without your inhibitio ns, you’ll be more prepared to strut out in the mankini that you wouldn’t have had a couple of hours earlierthe courage to wear able as to whether this is (although it’s debata ‘pro’).

I know wh could possibat you’re thinking - what ly go wrong, you could right? ell, pumped upcome through the doorW , w it h courage and will, and se goo his new girlefrhim with his arm aroud the whole h iend. This is usually nd hen the window.igh road concept goes w out Your first refl will be to grab ex , of cou you can find the first bottle of alcorse, – an d d ow n . You wilhl ol then proce to make a ditru foolish mesed nken, everything w s of yourself, hitting on it h a pulse in hop birthday boy e th the and whisk yo will enter a jealous raat u u p in to will eventu his arms. Y ge girlfriend asally find yourself takingou dysfunction.ide to talk about his erechis Just stay hom tile e.

Emma Balte r

in bed Another hour ala rm wakes

en your ooze, hide What do you do wh m? Do you hit snse lf in a you up at, say, 8aan ur yo on co co d under the duvet al (“I don’t need to attend world of self denia genius kid anyway”)? Bemy lectures, I’m us students need our beausides, let’s face it,we’re not the best looking ty sleep because ects lend themselves to a bunch. Some subjIf you’re studying English morning in bed. no point in trekking to Literature, there’syou can read Shakespeare the library when your own home. Similarly, in the comfort of k from the night before, if you’re still drunthat you stay indoors and maybe it’s better ber world for a while. avoid the real, so

On the other hand, is it prudent spen d that extra hour snoozing? What do wetomiss process? Is it our right as students to in the tain a sleeping pattern of 10 hours? Ifmaina medic, engineer or law student then you’re suck it up. It’s a vocational course for a reas the rest of us humanities students toon! Leave iPlayer in peace. If you need to eat, it’swatch probably time to make a move (unless ve got a mini fridge in reaching distance). you’ you smell, maybe it’s time to get Likewise, if and take a shower. Finally, staying in bed out too likely to result in a meeting with yourlong is degree program director regarding lack of attendance.

Naughty!

Eve Rodgers

ve , the amount you sa On the other handfor in dignity. Even if on alcohol is paidu’re not going out, attendyou insist that yo session nearly always ing a pre-drinking debauchery. If you have leads to a night of wardrobe-malfunction, a mankini-relatedely to notice and that’s not you’re far less lik l revelation you may make the only persona llection (that lass in your without any reco no longer look you in the seminar that canfar too much about your eye - she knows e). Once the pre-drink grooming routin u’re still likely to spend buzz wears off, yo it later in the night; this money to sustaindangerous to your health excessiveness is ’s face it: basics vodka and wallet, and let ple solution. will never be a sim Victoria Mole

You’ve got problems!

Self-conscious about the size of your penis, lusting after an attractive Estonian girl, cheating on your long-term, long-distance lover... sound familiar? Luckily Uncle Monty’s here to help!

I’ve always been very selfconscious about the size of my penis. I’ve heard the old saying that size doesn’t matter, but how true is it?

Well, I’ve never had any complaints in that department myself (mainly because the process one has to go through to make a complaint against me is extremely laborious and involves being put on hold for at least 20 minutes) but in the interests of enlightening menfolk everywhere, I did some research. After some furtive eavesdropping in my den round the back of the ladies’ toilets in the Robinson library, I can tell you that the average member is some-

where between three and sixteen inches in length, though the size of one’s testicles is a much more important consideration.

Anything smaller than a baseball, and you might as well be playing Scrabble for all the fun you’ll have.

I met an attractive Estonian girl in Holland last year and I haven’t been able to erase her from my mind. At first, my modest advances achieved notable success; we sung a beautiful duet of ‘My Heart Will Go On’ on the ferry. However, I became concerned that her interest was more due to her desire to obtain a British passport rather than the love of a good man. My heart was crushed by the thought that she wanted my nationality, not my love. Uncle Monty, how do I approach this fine foreign beauty?

Well that was a long and boring story.

Here is a short and interesting answer: JUST MARRY HER ALREADY. Who knows, maybe you’ll manage to trick her into actually liking you over the course of the marital procedure and obligatory night at a travel tavern afterwards. A word of warning though: modelling your romance on that of Jack and Rose is hardly a recipe for success, is it? (Is it? I never saw

the ending of that film. Someone taped over the end of my copy with Holby City.)

I have a girlfriend who is living in a different country this year, but I like someone else who is living in my halls.

I have kissed her, but she refuses to do anything else until I have broken up with my girlfriend. Can I really do this when she lives so far away? Should I just give this other girl a chance?

Well now, this is tricky. If your girlfriend is in Tahiti, I’d say go for it. If your girlfriend has gone away to Aberystwyth, however, I’d be a bit more careful. In the second case, I’d just try not to get off with her in public. In Aberystwyth. In front of your girlfriend. If she does find out, just tell her it was a hilarious joke. Call it mad bants, call it bare jokes, call it (as I heard the other day on my weekly bin trawl round Castle Leazes) massive, massive shabs. My mate Crackers Alan says shabs are rocks of crystal meth (and he would definitely know) so maybe don’t say that if your girlfriend is coming off crystal meth.

Might get her hopes up.

The Courier

lifestyle.21

Monday 20 February 2012

Lifestyle Editors: Ben Parkin, Emma Balter and Lauren Stafford Online Editor: Lauren Cordell

Review

Stateside Diner

Rock around the clock...

Mon - Thurs: 09.00am - 09.00pm Fri - Sat: 9.00am - 10.00pm Sun: 10.00am - 04.00pm

37 Pink Lane City Centre NE1 5DW

What’s Hot

0191 2617370 Walking into the Stateside Diner is like stepping back in time to 1950s America.

Tucked away on Pink Lane, close to Central Station, this restaurant is furnished with classic red leather booths and decorated with pictures of James Dean and Marilyn Monroe. With the jukebox playing Elvis and friendly staff serving customers, Stateside Diner offers a great atmosphere and very reasonable prices on all meals. The menu offers ‘classic American food’. However, anyone who has been to or lived in the U.S. will know that spaghetti carbonara is not exactly a typical diner dish. All was forgiven, though, with a glance at Stateside’s milkshake menu.

Based on first impressions, this diner would receive top marks.

We each ordered a deluxe milkshake, one Choco Mallow and one Kinder Bueno, and were blown away at the size and presentation of them, as each was topped off with a large dollop of whipped cream.

Needless to say, we were quickly on our way to calorific heaven as we sipped on our shakes while trying to decide what meals to order. The deluxe shakes cost

£3.50 (the traditional shakes cost £2.75), which isn’t bad considering what people will pay for a coffee these days. For our starters we ordered the Spicy Chicken Dixie, which was essentially chicken nuggets in a sweet and sour sauce, and Cheese and Bacon Potato Skins. The chicken dish was tasty, but the potato skins were drowned in runny nacho cheese. As we waited for our next course, it was apparent that things were a little slow in the kitchen.

When our burgers finally arrived (we ordered the Veggie Burger and the Kahuna Burger) everything looked appetising, but with one bite into our “homemade chips” we were extremely disappointed. The burgers were fine, but the chips were soggy and cold. However, when we pointed this out to our server she was quick to rectify the problem and brought us a bowl of hot, crispy curly fries. We really can’t criticize the service because, despite the less than stellar main courses, the staff at the diner were friendly and attentive. For dessert we picked the Alabama Fudge Cake and Pecan Pie with

•

#2 Pancake Penny Flipping, Fitness Pincher Rosie Jenkinson and Frankie & Benny’s With Shrove Tuesday on the way, make sure you stock up on all the essentials needed to ensure you make the most delicious pancakes at a fraction of the price!

• In my opinion, Nutella is the best topping to smother all over your pancakes. Buy the 200g tub for 97p or 400g tub for £1 from Tesco! Obviously I recommend the bigger tub! (Offer on until (and incl.) February 21!)

• Lost a frying pan after trying to cook yourself an English

fry-up in the early hours of the morning? Invest in some high quality TEFAL pans from very.co.uk. They are selling a set of two Thermo-Spot frying pans for £17!

• If you want a quick and easy way of making pancakes, get the

Betty Crocker Pancake Shaker for £1 (RRP £1.79) from Tesco.

You only need to add water, and you can be eating pancakes in a matter of minutes! (Offer on until 21st February!)

• When it comes to syrup, nothing is better than Lyle’s Golden

Syrup. It even has the royal stamp of approval! Buy two pouring bottles from Asda for £1 (RRP £1.38 for 1). The offer is on until 21st February!

Get them before they’re gone!

• Frankie and Benny’s have an offer of £10 off your food bill

Tuesday-Friday, when two or more people dine, until Friday 2nd March. Check out their website to download the voucher.

• If you’ve already failed your New Year’s Resolution of get-

ting into shape in 2012, rekindle your determination by joining Impulse Fitness. With clubs at City Pool, Eldon Leisure and Gosforth Pool to name a few, get a no-contract, one month student membership for £20. The membership allows you unlimited access to 10 fitness suites, 5 swimming pools and 100 fitness classes per week!

• Whip up some Italian food that is bound to impress your

housemates for dirt cheap with a Dolmio Pasta Bake jar for only 95p (RRP £1.95) at Morrisons. Have your own Dolmio day at an affordable price!

• Put together all your favourite memories from your first

semester with a digital photo frame from Clas Ohlson for £19.99 (RRP £44.99). A brilliant and compact way of displaying all your photographs!

Eating dinner with friends

Share the chore of cooking and grab a bottle of wine (or two) with friends. There’s nothing better than a home-cooked meal at the end of a stressful week.

Hip hipflasks

vanilla ice cream, which were both tasty. At the end of the evening, we left the diner feeling very full. If you’re in the mood for a great milkshake and some classic diner music, this is the place to go. Just don’t expect a gourmet meal.

Alexandra Carr and Kerstin Vogel

Surprise birthday parties

Food to

Beats any expected shindig at least! Make sure you keep quiet though as you don’t want to ruin the big event. event.

�ight the February blues

Facebook timeline

Facebook acebook are trying to make its 800 million users convert to the timeline application which includes a new, larger than life cover photo. Personally I’ll be keeping the old version in protest.

Fudge Brownies So temperatures are icy, the wind has got you flying instead of walking and grey clouds are looming. To top it all off, Valentine’s Day turned out to be exactly the kind of depressing, anxiety-ridden mess you’d hoped to avoid. You, my friend, have the February Blues.

Whether it’s the hollow pain of unrequited love or simply the lack of sunshine getting you down, all the symptoms are pretty similar. If you’re having difficulty waking up for those morning lectures, withdrawing from social situations or struggling to concentrate on your work then you might need a much-needed edible pick-me up. Depression often leaves us wanting to pack in those carbohydrates. Bright light therapy and melatonin jabs aside, chocolate could be the best cure of all. The sugar in chocolate sparks the release of serotonin and might lower levels of Neuropeptide Y, resulting in a sense of well being. The sweet taste also releases endorphins in the brain, giving us an immediate rush, while the fat reduces galanin levels to stabilize moods.

If you need cheering up I recommend a sugar fix. If Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough is out of your price range and a trek to Sainsbury’s seems unappealing, why not try a homemade solution!

And baking is therapeutic as well. Instead of drowning your sorrows at the pub, batten down the hatches and retire to the warmth of the kitchen. Even if you’re an incompetent chef, my chocolate brownie recipe is an easy fail-safe and it’s sure to lift your spirits even on the gloomiest of days. Enjoy!

They’re super handy whether you choose to fill them with just juice or a sneaky snifter. Also, with great kitsch designs, you can always get more than one.

Ingredients

Taxi texts

½ cup butter 2 oz unsweetened chocolate 1 tsp vanilla extract 2 eggs 1 cup caster sugar 2/3 cup flour ¼ tsp baking powder 1. Melt the butter in a saucepan. Add the chocolate to the melted butter and stir constantly over a low heat until the chocolate melts to avoid burning it. Add the vanilla to the mix.

2. Use a whisk to beat the eggs and sugar together in a bowl until fluffy. (Don’t beat too hard or it’ll turn into a weird meringue.)

3. Add the flour to the eggs and sugar mixture and combine.

4. The chocolate mixture should have cooled by now, so add that to the mixing bowl.

5. Finally, add the baking powder to the batter.

6. Instead of greasing a baking tin with oil and flour, use aluminium foil. (Makes it easier to clean up afterwards.) Pour in the brownie batter and bake in the oven for 25-30 minutes at 170°C or until the sides start to pull away from the foil. The cocktail stick test shouldn’t work because the brownies need to be fudgy, not cake-y.

Turn the oven off, but leave the brownies in there for another 10 minutes.

7. Decorate, if you fancy it, or serve with vanilla ice cream or frosting.

Gia Bidani

A promising service but really annoying if you receive your text too late and then go outside only to realise that your taxi has already left or, even worse, not shown up at all.

Thanks for making us wait in the freezing cold.

Drunken housemates

Flatmates that stagger home late whilst screaming in a drunken rage are not cool especially when they’re playing Craig David loudly at 6am.

What’s Not Kerstin Vogel

22.fashion

thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk

Monday 20 February 2012

what’sinyourbag?

Fiorella MargiottaMills

Where is it from?

Lipsy

What did you buy?

Eagle print tee

#3 The slippery slope to style sainthood To some men, ‘well-dressed’ can mean black tie with a perfect pocket square, ivory studs for the dress shirt, and the smartest pair of handmade English shoes. For others, ‘well-dressed’ is defined by the freshest pair of sneaks, salvaged denim jeans, and the most colourful snapback available. For the non-fashion-conscious it can simply be the fact that their t-shirt is clean, the zip on their hand-me-down anorak still glides smoothly, and they have remembered to put two socks on that day. ‘Fashion’ is a word with an incredibly mercurial meaning; encompassed in this is style, and let’s be honest here, the vast majority of honest men would be stumped if asked to define their day-to-day get up.

There is, however, one style that deserves no definition or dignified title. If it were possible to find the root cause of this fashion infection then I, along with all the others who don’t suffer from impaired eyesight, would find a way to eradicate such a look. Imagine, if you will, the gentleman draped in a garment that has a neckline most likely lower than his IQ and rivalling the cleavage exposure of a tabloid page three.

These tragic necklines are often accessorised with dog tags, even though the only conflicts they have witnessed are the scrap for the last alcopop or an attempt to steal a sister’s eyebrow tweezers.

The trousers of choice are my favourite: a mixture of tight-legged, carrot-shaped jeans or chinos that have a dropped crotch, giving the impression of intended defecation by the wearer. Often adorned in a burnt umber colourway option, or constructed from cheap denim, it proves that All Saints shops must have lighting as dim as the people that shop in them.

To accentuate this sartorial abomination: a pair of espadrilles, originally repped on the Riviera coastline which now, having fallen down a slippery slope, have unfortunately ended up on the bottom of tasteless people’s feet.

If the weather is being particularly cruel, then the second staple footwear item is deployed: the spice boy army boot. We have all seen these leather monstrosities, often with the trouser choice tucked in, ready for the urban assault course of making it alive from one spice boy hideout to the next. During the winter months there is no consideration for the option of a coat, especially on nights out - it would hide their fake tans and investment of time at the gym. On top of this, lashings of hair gel create the crown of honour earned by these fashion faux people, cementing their place at the very front of the queue for a grilling by Gok. I have faith that most people reading this will agree there is no place on our high streets for this Topboy look. I am a strong advocate of individuality and experimentation, but the results in this instance are about as aesthetically pleasing as trying to improve a Skechers shoe by putting it in a blender. If you have read this and been horribly offended, then I am sorry. I don’t deliberately set out to offend others, but in this instance you have brought it on yourself.

Next time, take less fashion tips from the dodgy neckline specialists JLS, and poke your head above the All Saints parapet.

Hannah Walsh

What did you buy?

Bodycon dress

Second Year Economics

Miles Freeman

The Courier

How much did it cost? £40 reduced from £60

Where is it from?

Urban Outfitters

Why did you choose this?

“I really wanted something new to wear for my friend’s birthday and this dress was perfect!”

Fashionista’s Verdict?

“Colour blocking at its finest.

Jess is bound to take plenty of colour with her wherever she goes with this neon lattice back bodycon. A definite show stopper for any party in my opinion.”

How much did it cost? £28 Why did you choose this?

“I bought the tee because it was a great alternative to the blouses I usually wear.”

Fashionista’s Verdict?

“An eagle eye for a steal buy. Combining Fiorella’s ombre hair with the dropped raw edges, this rock-chic tank is ideal for toughening up any look.”

Jess Hytten

Second Year Mathematics

On trend

Tropical treats

River Island, £14

Amanda Old discovers a summery statement that’s guaranteed to bring summer early

Warehouse, £35

Topshop, £30

New Look, £12.99

The Courier

stylingfashion.23

Monday 20 February 2012

Fashion Editor: Victoria Mole Online Fashion Editor: Rosanna Sopp

Style steal Iconic frock imitations

Laura Nicholson �inds Newcastle city centre’s high street equivalents of our favourite statement dresses from the past 60 years

Photograph: popculturegeek

Marilyn Monroe

Some Like it Hot (1959)

New Look £44.99 For those with an hourglass �igure, this glamorous asymmetric dress will compliment those enviable curves. With a clear nod towards Marilyn’s signature style, this cream chiffon and sequin trimmed ensemble ticks all the boxes. With frocks of this style, less is de�initely more. If you’ve got it, then what better way to �launt it than slipping into this stunner from New Look for £44.99 – for those who like it HOT!

Photograph: Milly Bridal Studio

Audrey Hepburn Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

Keira Knightley Atonement (2007)

Kate Middleton’s wedding dress

Sarah Burton for McQueen (2011)

Quiz £24.99 (currently £5 off)

Coast (in Fenwicks) £180

River Island £35

Clearly born out of the classic Dior couture sketch book, this sheer black, cleverly cut and decorated dress has a 1960s retro symmetrical studded neckline. To complete the look, you need the right accessories: black kitten heels, a clutch and inevitably Audrey’s world famous sun glasses (hat optional). So, for those wanting style on a shoe string, this classic look can be found at Quiz for only £24.99. Who knows, after an evening out in this creation, you could be enjoying Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

In 2007 when Miss Knightley breezed onto the silver screen wearing this time-honoured evening gown, it re�lected elegance, style and beauty. The stylist for Atonement clearly selected this full length garment to demonstrate how a lady should look at a dinner party or society ball. You too can capture all of these statements by slipping into Coast and trying on a classic.

But be careful - long lengths are better suited to taller women with a slender physique. However, if you are ‘Keira-esque’, then with £180, you are well on the way to achieving movie perfection.

Kate Middleton’s iconic Alexander McQueen wedding dress has clearly inspired this lace number, featuring the same sweetheart neckline, (especially perfect for �lat-chested girls, as it creates the illusion of an extra cup size or two) as well as being cut quite literally from a similar cloth. Purchase this dress, and you too can look and feel like a princess.

This stunning ensemble can be found in River Island for only £35 – the ultimate in designer styling at a high-street price.

24.listings20th-26thFeb

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/listings c2.editor@ncl.ac.uk

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Table Tennis

Irish Dance

Table tennis in the Union every Monday and Wednesday from 12 til 2pm. Turn up & play - tournaments and casual play for all students!! No need to register - just turn up and grab a bat! Every week from February 8.

At this workshop, the Irish Dance Society will teach the basics of Irish dance to anybody who fancies it - for free! Anyone is welcome whether you’re an irish dancing pro or a complete beginner. Email giag. union@ncl.ac.uk to book a place. www.nusu.co.uk/giag

12-2pm Venue (used to be Basement)

Royal Navy Employability Skills Session

1pm

Have a go at an assessment centre

3-6pm King’s Gate, Rooms 1.25 & 1.26

In this 3-hour interactive workshop you will participate in two typical group exercises to gain a better understanding of what an Assessment Centre involves. This will improve your confidence and your understanding of what recruiters look for.

As the number of places for this workshop is limited, please reserve a place by paying a £5.00 returnable deposit at Careers Service reception (Level 1, King’s Gate) by 5pm on Friday, February 17. www.ncl.ac.uk/careers

1-2pm

King’s Gate, Room L1.26

This is an interactive employability skills presentation demonstrating the coaching and mentoring methodology used to develop our Engineers. Engineering Graduates are able to join as Royal Navy Engineering Officers – the senior leadership and management team with starting salaries of at least £29,587, above the average for the sector. The event is particularly targeting Engineering, Computer Science, Physics and Naval Architecture students, but all disciplines are welcomed. www.ncl.ac.uk/careers

Ben Howard 7pm Northumbria Uni

Catch the amazing singer-songwriter and his beloved guitar at Northumbria Uni tonight. If you can’t wait that long, listen to the Ben Howard Music Player at www. benhowardmusic.co.uk/music.

Charles Dickens: A Life February 21 5.30-6.30pm Curtis Auditorium, Herschel Building

Charles Dickens was a phenomenon: a demonically hardworking journalist, father of 10, a tireless walker and traveller, and a supporter of social causes. Most of all he was a great novelist. When he died, the world mourned and (against his wishes) he was buried at Westminster Abbey. Dickens had risen from unpromising beginnings to scale social and literary heights, as leading biographer Claire Tomalin explains. Free admission, no pre-booking required. www.ncl.ac.uk/events

Electro Kif

7.30pm Northern Stage

How to make an effective application to medicine 1.15-1.45pm

Dental School, RB Green Lecture Theatre

So you’re making an application to Medicine for 2013 entry? Remember all those things you were told about personal statements at school/college? If not, come along to our 30 minute workshop on making an effective application to Medicine. We will revisit the fundamentals of the UCAS application process, as well as touching upon entrance exams and how to write a good personal statement. Pop along for the lowdown on Med School applications!

Blanca Li takes the urban streetdance style electro, a dazzling mix of breaking, disco, vogue, popping and locking, off the streets of Paris, mixes it up with some theatre, contemporary dance and an amazing soundtrack and gives you Elektro Kif. It’s a show about the hopes and fears, friendships, fights and rivalries of an all male cast of eight exceptional young electro dancers, following them through a typical day at college. www.northernstage.co.uk

General Fiasco

Doors 7pm Riverside, Gateshead

Irish indie rock band General Fiasco are hitting the Toon this week. Their second album is due for release in spring 2012 so listen out for some new hits! The rockers have been nominated for nest newcomer award at the Kerrang Awards, they’ve broken records for the number of people at their gigs and they’ve supported none other then hitsters Snow Patrol - see what all the fuss is about this Tuesday at Riverside. Tickets £7.

NUWBC 1sts vs.

Birmingham 1sts 4pm Sports Centre

Come along and support the Women’s Basketball club as their 1st team battles it out for a place in the Trophy final!

Despite promotion into a tougher Division 1 this year, the girls are having a fantastic season and currently hold second place in the Northern league. In the Trophy they are down to the final 4, so get down and show your support for Team Newcastle!

Thursday Noel Gallagher 9pm Metro Radio Arena

Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds follow up their sold-out November tour with a seven-date UK and Ireland arena tour. The band will be featuring songs from their number one album, as well as a selection of Noel Gallagher classics. www.metroradioarena.co.uk

The Courier

Monday 20 February 2012

20th-26thFeblistings.25

C2 Editor: Aimee Philipson

Friday Ministry of Sound 8pm Venue, Students’ Union

Ministry of Sound bring you the latest in credible clubbing and it’s specifically for students.... This is UNItrash. Make sure you check back here to find out about out special guests, the biggest tunes and the hottest entertainment news. This is the place for student’s who know better.

The Taming of the Shrew

The Royal Shakespeare Company return to Newcastle with Shakespeare’s romantic comedy, directed by Lucy Bailey, exploring love, sexual politics and the art of illusion as part of their 50th Birthday season.

7pm Metro Radio Arena

Catch the sexiest man ever to appear in an X Factor audition (...just me, then?) at the Metro Radio Arena this week! www.metroradioarena.co.uk

Men’s water polo BUCS semi final Saturday and Sunday O2 Academy Newcastle

The University’s men’s water polo team will be playing the semi finals of the BUCS Championships in Newcastle against Sheffield, Nottingham and St Andrews this weekend. It’s looking like it’s going to be a very close tournament and if we qualify we will be making university history. Our chances are looking good given impressive recent form, and it would be great to get some support at the games, so if you fancy it, pop along to Northumbria Uni’s pool over the weekend.

23rd Feb - 1st March 7.30pm Theatre Royal

Olly Murs

Something for the weekend

Fanfarlo 8pm The Cluny

For fans of Arcade Fire and Beirut - get down to the Cluny this Friday for a fab set from Fanfarlo. Tickets £8.

Beth Jeans-Houghton Saturday, 7pm Gateshead Old Town Hall

Despite being described as Gwen Stefani and Brody Dalle’s lovechild, Geordie girl Beth sounds more like Laura Marling with her sweet, soulful music. Catch her dulcet tones at Gateshead Town Hall this Saturday - guaranteed to chill you out after a hard week at uni.

The Wanted Saturday, 7pm Metro Radio Arena

The five piece group that became one of the biggest breakthrough acts of 2010 will be headlining at the Arena this weekend. Grab your dancing shoes and your Wanted tshirt and get ready to dance the night away.

Believe me, they’ll be ‘Glad you Came’! www.metroradioarena.co.uk

Looking forward to...

Heineken Presentation 1-2pm King’s Gate L1.26

Heineken is the largest brewer in Europe and No 3 in the world. We have some amazing opportunities locally, nationally and globally for people who are willing to learn, and are enthusiastic and driven. We focus very much on understanding our consumers and everything we do is based around these consumers. Our 3 values are Enjoyment of Life, Passion for Quality and Respect for People. Please come and hear what we are all about. The presentation will focus on Brand Development Executive Graduate roles. These roles are about the interaction with consumers and execution of our brands with our customers. www.ncl.ac.uk/careers

AV Festival

1st March - 31st March Metro Radio Arena

AV Festival 12: As Slow As Possible is a Festival in slow motion. For the first time the Festival runs for a whole month from 1 - 31 March 2012. It’s the most adventurous edition to date including over 15 major exhibitions, more than 50 film screenings and music events, weekend walks and an online radio broadcasting for 744 hours. www.avfestival.co.uk

Ice Skating

Sunday Beamish Museum

It’s the last day to go ice skating at Beamish this Sunday so grab your warm clothes and hop on the 28/28A bus from Haymarket.

It’s open 10am-4pm and if you buy a ticket for £13 you can visit Beamish anytime you want in the next 12 months! It is £4 extra for skating access and skate hire. The perfect time to visit one of the North East’s most visited attractions.

Faith and Food

Wednesday 29th February, 7pm Bede House

Come along to an informal discussion with the Catholic Society - with pizza! Learn more about Catholicism and Christianity and ask any questions you like. It’s £1 for food and the event will be held at 7pm at Bede House (14 Windsor Terrace, opposite the halls of residence).

Want your event listed?

Email c2.editor@ncl.ac.uk with all the details and any photos you have by Monday 12pm of the week before the issue you want to feature in.

26.health&beauty

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

health&beauty editor: Rosanna Sopp rosanna.sopp@ncl.ac.uk

Conditioners For all your needs

Value for money

Organic Options

Hannah Walsh gives a step-by-step guide to creating spa quality treatments at a fraction of the price

Home-made beauty

Chocolate lip scrub

Herbal Essences Conditioner £1.74

Leave in

Umberto Giannini Instant Beauty Silky Soft Leave-In Conditioner £5.61

Dry hair

Vo5 Give Me Moisture Conditioner £3.49

You will need: brown sugar, honey, 1 avocado, olive oil, chocolate powder and a small container

Beach Hair Spray

Face Masks You will need: plain yoghurt, almonds (almond oil), honey, olive oil, 1 lemon and a mixing bowl Take 2 tablespoons of plain yogurt, 1 tablespoon of honey and 1 of olive oil. Mix together and then add a few drops of almond oil. Then add the juice from half a lemon and stir continuously for a couple of minutes.

Once you have stirred the mixture, leave it to settle for about 10 minutes. Take a cotton pad and apply the mixture thickly over the face. Leave for around 15 minutes and gently rinse off with warm water. Finish by applying your daily moisturiser for simply soft skin.

Storm I-Divine Palette £6.49

You will need: sea salt, warm water, hair gel spray, coconut oil and an empty spray bottle Begin by filling the bottle with warm water around 75% of the way. Add 2 tablespoons of sea salt and a dash of coconut oil for that lovely beach smell. Be sure to use sea salt and not the usual table salt, as this will not have the same effect. If you have gel spray, add a few squirts of this to the mixture (if not you can always use hair spray later on to achieved the more textured look). Shake and it is now ready to use! For maximum effect, apply the product to wet hair and leave to dry naturally for a beautifully tousled look.

Put 2 tablespoons of brown sugar into a bowl, followed by 1 tablespoon of chocolate drinking powder and 1 tablespoon of olive oil. Mix together and add more olive oil if needed.

Take the avocado and chop it in half, then knead to squeeze the juice from one half into the mixture. Continue to stir. You may also want to add in some flavour such as a drop of peppermint or vanilla. Transfer the mixture into a small container and there you have it, a double chocolatey scrub that guarantees luscious lips!

Bogus Beauty

Not only will you smell like a hog roast, it’s terrible for your skin and increases the chances of skin cancer exponentially. While it may tan you faster, it also burns you faster, and no one wants to spend their holidays the colour of a lobster.

Tips you shouldn’t follow

Using baby oil instead of sun screen

Coloured hair

Putting toothpaste on your breakouts

Picking your spots

Bad idea. Doing this can result in burns, drying or even worsened acne. Plus, you always run the risk of stumbling downstairs during a fire alarm, running into your crush and remembering your toothpastecovered face makes you look like you have leprosy.

L’Oreal Colour Care Vitamino Colour Conditioner £8.00

Intensive

Lee Stafford Hair Growth Treatment £7.99

Contrary to popular belief, when you pop the spot bacteria leaks under the surface of the skin (lovely image, i know). Also, there’s a high risk of scarring which would look even worse than the original spot. Try to resist the urge to purge by slathering on a face mask instead.

Hairspray your face to make your make up last longer Made infamous from Snog Marry Avoid, which is reason one why it should be avoided at all costs.

It doesn’t make your makeup last longer, plus it means you can’t go near open flames at risk of becoming a human fire ball. The hairspray makes your face sticky and sensitive and could break you out.

Skinted

Stila Natural Beauty Palette £19.50

Urban Decay Naked Palette £36.00

Minted Best Beauty Blogs missglamorazzi.blogspot.com www.vogue.co.uk/beauty/blog www.amyantoinette.com

Bargain of the week

www.cheapsmells.com is a mecca of discounted hair, skin and beauty products, not to mention accessories and perfume.

28.arts

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/arts c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk

Sally Priddle tells us why, even though we are bombarded with sex everyday, there’s still a line that maybe shouldn’t be crossed...

Although I am 20 years old and did actually study biology at school, the concept of sex and reading about it still makes me giggle and blush like an 11 year-old. However, with the aim of growing up a bit, and after having enjoyed the TV series, I began reading Secret Diary of a Call Girl.

I emphasise the word ‘began’, as I couldn’t actually finish this book - it seems that I am actually a prude, something I never knew about myself before.

Unlike the TV series, which makes prostitution look fun, sexy and like a possible career option (especially with the state of the job market), the book takes it to a whole other level. With graphic discussions about men’s sexual fantasies, fetishes and obsessions, the diary goes into detail about areas of women’s and men’s anatomy that I didn’t even knew existed.

I made the ridiculous decision to read this book on holiday with my parents, and this, combined with a chapter that began talking about anal sex, was just too much for me and at this point I gave up.

Sexual books where you end up dreaming about finding your Mr.Darcy, being swept off your feet and realising that all the things you heard about true love, marriage and honeymoon sex are real (or whatever it is that men fantasise about when their alone), are one thing, but this is something else.

The book depicts the real life story of a £300-an-hour London call girl, the customers she meets and her secret life she maintains alongside her ordinary life. Despite what the TV show presents, prostitution is not shown as a glamorous pastime that leads to a rich and independent life; Belle’s life is represented as gruesome, lonely and necessary. The book explains that ‘it’s not all about the sex -never has been- it’s about the heart of darkness.’ The ‘dark side to sex’ has made it even more uncomfortable for me to read this book.

Reading about sex is one thing, but I have never read about it in this specific way before. Described in painstaking detail, it literally goes over (and excuse the pun) the ins and outs of every sexual encounter of Belle’s career. If you want to find out how odd sex can get, I suggest you invest in this book, though if you are as pathetic as me, read it on your own and not in public places.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl is a good book for those with a stronger disposition than me. Although it can’t really be called erotica, I think it is fair to say that the amount of detail that is considered necessary to depict the life of a prostitute made me and a few of my friends feel more than uneasy.

Freedom of sexpression

Rebecca Markham debates whether sex in art is tasteful or tacky

A

rt is an articulation of emotional expression, and sex is one of the most ardent and passionate forms of human expression there is; what could be more artistic than that? The natural human form has always been artistically valued, and we have abandoned the Victorian censure of flashing the flesh, fully embracing the aesthetic pleasures of the naked body in artwork. However, sex in art takes another step further into the controversial realm of ‘freedom of expression’, and sparks a rather vicious debate as to whether it should be considered potentially tasteful, or irrevocably tacky.

You can probably imagine the sorts of web results and images that would pepper your laptop screen if you were to Google ‘sex in art’. The more conservative among us may dismiss it as nothing more than glorified pornography. It’s appropriate that today’s culture advocates a strong level of censorship against artistic renditions of explicit erotica; it’s simply called good taste. But does this promote a banal and slightly outdated attitude regarding one of the most blatant facts of life that society unfairly labels as vulgar?

For the Ancient Greeks, sex in art was a creative celebration of fertility. They were not only unperturbed by graphic images of sex in artwork - they positively revelled in it. It may be hard to believe, but the

male genitalia in particular were admired as things of aesthetic beauty (for the Greeks, little was beautiful). Our toga-wearing friends probably figured that if they weren’t actually having sex, they could at least be drawing or writing about it.

We shouldn’t necessarily take a leaf out of their ancient book; arguably sex in modern art can go too far. Whilst in cinema sex sells, sex on stage scares the living daylights out of people, and pushes the limits of what may be bordering on sleazy. However, art is subjective and such explorations of freedom of expression suggest that society should remain open-

minded. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it.

Contemporary, British artist Tracey Emin has also been praised for her candid artwork depicting sexual anxiety. She was nominated for the 1999 Turner Prize for an exhibition that portrayed a stained bed complete with used condoms and dirty underwear.

Greek penis worship may be a bit much, but there is nevertheless a sense that sex in contemporary art can be both tasteful and have a significant role to play in the 21st century and beyond.

Photograph by Andy Ross

The book that... took sex too far

Tease, tone and transform yourself

Lisa Bernhardt explains why Burlesque is back and you should bring it on

E

ven cultural recluses have come across the term ‘burlesque’ these days. Not only because of Christina Aguilera’s film debut in a movie of the same name, but this French word is surrounded by a sultry breeze and on everyone’s lips. Dating back to the 17th century, burlesque was originally a form of literary satire which later developed into a musical theatre parody, a variety show taking the mickey out of opera and high culture in general. The form of burlesque that is popular nowadays, often called neo-burlesque, derived from American burlesque that emerged in the mid-19th century and has experienced an on-going revival for almost 20 years now.

So what‘s it all about then, apart from taking a bath in an oversized martini glass a la Dita von Teese (currently the world’s most prominent burlesque star)?

Ever since the element of female striptease has been added to the performances, burlesque is often assumed to be a somewhat sophisticated way of taking one’s clothes off. However, in reality it is so much more: The performances are still focused on telling comedic stories whilst giving the dancers the opportunity to play with their sexiness in a flirty, confident way.

Burlesque dancers come in all shapes and sizes, and so do their shows- they are a means to express their individuality in a creative act.

Why you should give it a go?

1

You’re sexy and you know it!

That’s the spirit of burlesque: Explore your sexy side in a playful way and feel positive about yourself.

2 3 4 5

Tease’n’Tone Dancing is one of the most fun ways to burn off those calories, so why not try burlesque as a low impact cardio workout?

Get those accessories out!

Feather-boas, sequins, silk gloves, corsets, top hats and of course nipple tassels - need we say more?

Not myself tonight Many performances are based on impersonating (and thereby mocking) a certain character and we all know how much fun it can be to play a different role from time to time.

Have a laugh You might feel a bit ridiculous when attempting to do a burlesque performance for the first time, but it is great fun in the end, especially if you’re trying it together

Where you can go: Dancecity are offering Beginners’ Burlesque lessons on the 25th March. Or you can visit Boulevard, Newcastle’s only club where “burlesque meets broadway”.

The Courier

arts.29

Monday 20 February 2012

Arts Editor: Sally Priddle Online Arts Editor: Lisa Bernhardt

Top 10 Literary quotes that might just get you laid As we all know, relationships are a tricky business. Balancing romance and passion and whatever else it is that makes a ‘sexy’ night is an art in itself. Sometimes, in these situations we have to look to experience to guide us, along the way, and what is more wise than trustworthy literature? When you are in an awkward situation and there is literally nothing let to say but goodbye, fill the silence with one of these literary classics.

1

The Picture of Dorian Gray Oscar Wilde

2

Best way of cutting to the chase: “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it” Complete Works D.H. Lawrence

When you’re encouraging the flame: “Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.”

Twenty Love Poems and A Song of Despair Pablo Neruda

4

The Lost Poems Dorothy Parker

3

For the blossoming romances: “I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.”

To use in any bar, in any city, but will probably best work with men in suits: “I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.”

5

Tropic of Cancer, Henry Miller

7

Where I’m Calling From, Raymond Carver

Trying to encourage passion with a past conquest: “We were so intimate once upon a time I can’t believe it To encourage lustful swooning “Let me first state forthright that, contrary to what we’ve often read in books and heard from preachers, when you are Complete works, a woman, you don’t feel like Voltaire the Devil. ” My Name Is Red, Orhan Pamuk

9 10

8

For a no strings attached one night stand: ‘God created sex. Priests invented marriage’

For Whom the Bell Tolls Ernest Hemingway For when you’ve run out of modern cheesy lines: ‘Did thee feel the earth move?’

Sonnet 130, William Shakespeare If all else fails resort to a classic: “My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground: And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare As any she belied with false compare.”

Elektro Kif

Legacy of Love and Lowry

Reginald D. Hunter

Originating from the streets of Paris, the internationally acclaimed dance troupe Elektro Kif are bringing their unique theatricality to the Newcastle. Inspired by a blend of streetdance, contemporary and theatre, the eight-man dance troupe provides an inspirational visionary performance.

The critically acclaimed director and choreographer, Blanca Li, best known for her choreography in music videos such as Kanye West’s ‘Heard’em Say’, infuses her innovative style into each routine. Since setting up her own dance company, Li has received international recognition of her contribution to contemporary dance.

The performance follows the eight dancers as they combine a theatrical depiction of their day at college with a multitude of urban streetdance inspired routines.

Li’s Electro choreography is perfectly accompanied by Tao Gutierrez’s commissioned score. The dancers compliment this score with their incredible compilation of breaking, popping and locking and will leave the audience astounded by their sheer talent.

Ticket prices start at £12.50.

Alexandra Walker

For the first time, Sunderland Museum and Winter Gardens is showing its entire art collection telling the story of the creation and growth of this eclectic fine art collection. Aptly titled ‘Art for Sunderland - A Legacy of Love and Lowry’, the exhibition charts the museum’s development from its Victorian origins, through the past 160 years to the diverse and inspiring compilation of over 500 paintings that embodies our enduring love affair with art in all forms.

Comprising the largest collection of paintings by L.S. Lowry outside his home city of Manchester, the exhibition also features works by iconic Northern artists Ralph Hedley and T.M Hemy amongst other more contemporary artists.

In displaying an array of artwork that stretches from paintings to sculpture, from classic to contemporary, ‘Art for Sunderland’ is perfect for both seasoned art-lovers and novices alike. The extensive collection has something to suit all tastes and showcases the changing attitudes towards art that have taken place over the last century and a half. Best of all the exhibition is completely free to visitors.

Georgia Snow

With a deep southern drawl and a genteel charisma, anyone could mistake Reginald D. Hunter for Morgan Freeman until his casual take on comedy charms you into laughter. Hunter is the perfect winter warmer of a comedian to bring the heat back into Newcastle comedy scene.

Having toured for ten years, his underground and ever-growing fan base have been enjoying his conversational witticisms on programmes such as 8 out of 10 Cats, Never Mind the Buzzcocks and Have I Got News For You. His nominations for the much coveted Perrier Award following his performances at the 2002, 2003 and 2004 Edinburgh Fringe Festival have set Hunter up to be one of the most esteemed comedians of the decade.

His brilliant commentary concerning the British stiff-upper lip has led to him being praised as a household name.

Hunter befriends you, entertains you and leaves you laughing for days. His latest offering to the comedy scene is his show Sometimes Even the Devil Tells the Truth (16+). Tickets are only £20 and given this comedian’s popularity I’d get them quickly as it looks to be a sell-out.

Anya Thaker

Selection of Pinter Plays

Friday Night Show The Stand Comedy Club February 11

In the Timelight

Discovery Museum February 4 -September 16

For those who aren’t theatre lovers, Harold Pinter is a Nobel prize-winning playwright, actor, director and screenwriter and is known as one of the most influential modern British playwrights. A selection of his short plays and sketches were performed at The People’s Theatre to bring their centenary season to a close.

The night began with a A Slight Ache, a short tragicomic play that focuses on the routine, lives and emotions of a middleaged married couple whose dreams and desires are personified with the looming figure of a match seller. The play that could be considered mundane in subject matter is brought to life by some brilliant acting by Stuart Laidler and Kate Wilkins and the wit of Pinter’s writing.

The rest of the plays and sketches were perfectly executed by a versatile cast of six actors who all performed with excellent timing, flair and charm that won over the audience instantly. Even if I hadn’t been a Pinter fan before I went to this performance, I was when I left. I have nothing but praise for this production and its cast.

Sally Priddle

When Friday night comes around and the concept of another night on the tiles isn’t appealing but staying in sounds rather dull, how about some comedic entertainment? Their names may not be ones that you have heard of before, but that didn’t stop them make me laugh so hard it hurt.

Compered by the honorary Geordie Anvil Springsteen, who immediately won the hearts of the audience by controlling heckling from a drunk woman, who lovingly told him that she was going to punch him in the face for no reason except that he was stood in front of her - she clearly hadn’t grasped the comedy club protocol. He set us up for four more comedians to come on to do a quick set showing the audience their best material.

For a night that could have quite easily ended in two hours of awkwardness, it was actually fantastic. I laughed at some outrageous jokes about premature ejaculation until I cried and I honestly would recommend the night to anyone who wants to end the night with a smile on their face and not in the gutter.

Sally Priddle

To coincide with the 175th birthday celebrations of the Theatre Royal, the Discovery Museum is taking you on a journey through Newcastle’s theatrical past.

From the Grade 1 listed aforementioned venue and the Tyne Theatre of the 1700s, to the contemporary regional qualities of the Live Theatre on the Quayside, and everything that comes in between. This exhibition displays a smorgasbord of various memorabilia, architectural plans and images that relate to each theatrical venue.

To emphasise the importance of such cultural havens to Newcastle’s history there is a makeshift stage with side tabs and altering coloured lights, to make you feel like you’re the star of your own production.

A personal highlight has to be a giant pencil, made as part of a project for child playwriting, which reminded me of something I once made at school! For anyone who has an interest in drama or who has ever visited one of these venues, this is a great opportunity to learn something of our wonderful city’s cultural history.

Catherine Langley

Northern Stage February 21-22

reviews

For the wannabe Casanovas: “What holds the world together, as I have learned from bitter experience, is sexual intercourse.”

6

previews

People’s Theatre February 8

Sunderland Museum January 28 -June 6

Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre February 29

30.musicreviews

The Courier

Monday 20 February 2012

Music Editors: Ben Travis and Chris Scott Online Music Editor: Graham Matthews

Lonely Are The Brave

Five reasons why...

Maverick Sabre

... Pixie Lott can bore off

1) She has no discernible personality whatsoever Judging by her interviews, she has absolutely no opinions on anything at all. If you touched her, she would feel like a dense mist. Breathe the mist in and you’ll smell that disinfectant they use in hospitals. She’s essentially the Qui-Gon Jinn of pop.

2) The video for ‘Kiss the Stars’ Lott’s latest single is a very poor show, even leaving aside for a moment the ropey eurotrance synths and, in “Put the plug in the socket give me all your power”, its inclusion of quite the least appealing sexual innuendo in pop since 50 Cent asked us to lick his lollipop. The CGI budget appears to have been about thirty quid, most of which was probably spent on sandwiches; the heavily polygon-ed dancers have wandered straight out of FIFA 97, and there are close-ups which make her look like she’s falling backwards through a time vortex from a mid-70s episode of Doctor Who. Most horrifyingly of all, she has her hair in a high ponytail which makes her look exactly like X Factor reject Kitty Brucknell, the one with a voice that could bend a girder at fifty paces and a quite alarming Messiah complex. I thought I’d expunged her, but back she comes, rolling into my brain strapped to a flaming Catherine wheel. Cheers Pixie.

3) Her Twitter feed is both boring and infuriating Many pop stars have names for their Twitter followers: Marina has her Diamonds; Cher Lloyd has Brats; Sir Alan Sugar has his Sugartits. Pixie Lott has, in the most excruciating, cutesy, funky-primary-school-teacher way, her ‘Crazy Cats’. This kind of sickening infantilism was meant to have been purged from the charts when the Tweenies’ second album bombed (sources close to the band reported tensions in the studio due to musical differences between Milo and Fizz). I did think Lott was quite cool before I started following her, but the amount of pictures of fried breakfasts she tweets have rather ruined her mystique.

4) She stole VV Brown’s career Lott launched herself – and I say ‘launched’ in the same sense that during sieges in the Middle Ages, dead cows and horses would be launched into enemy camps in order to spread disease and weaken them for attack – at roughly the same time as the extremely lovely VV Brown.

Brown was armed with ‘Shark in the Water’, named the best single of 2009 at the Five Reasons Why... Awards (known internationally as the FRYs). Lott had a cracking set of pins. Poptown wasn’t big enough for the both of them (literally – VV Brown is about 6’ 3). Lott went on to the top 10 and had a starring role in Fred: the Movie, Movie the main joke of which is that the main character is slightly sped up and screams a lot. VV Brown modelled for Marks & Spencer. Poor old VV.

5) She won’t return my calls :’(

Tom Nicholson

H

aving narrowly missed out on the Brits 2012 Critic’s Choice award, Maverick Sabre and his debut LP Lonely Are The Brave are sure to show that such a minor setback will not stop his first album becoming a solid success.

Equipped with a voice that sounds very much like a lovechild between the late Amy Winehouse and Plan B, he is able to emulate with an album that is similar in style and tone. Whilst soul is the predominant genre of the album, Maverick combines it with elements of hip-hop and jazz that, although successful, does not sound completely new. Latest single ‘No One’ for example, offers both a catchy vocal laid on a toe-tapping drumbeat that, whilst satisfying to listen to, cannot help but be reminiscent of the Winehouse classic ‘You Know I’m No Good’.

Despite these comparisons, Sabre ensures his identity in the music scene through songwriting that offers an insight into his personal outlooks on life. His gritty lyrics reflect on a past complicated through relationships and childhood hardships, whilst offering blunt opinions on the likes of excessive police power. As the album’s title would suggest however, the lyrical

output sometimes comes across more pessimistic as opposed to hard-hitting: ‘‘I don’t want to live this way/But sometimes it’s like there’s no other way’’ (‘Cold Game’). Nonetheless, Sabre’s ability to convey a refreshing level of emotion, particularly on tracks such as ‘I Used To Have it All’, and acoustic number ‘A Change Is Gonna Come’, demonstrate that his sometimes unrestrained lyrics are forgiven in place of the real winner of this debut; his voice.

His gritty lyrics reflect on a past complicated through relationships and childhood hardships Critics Choice award or not, it’s clear that Lonely Are The Brave will secure Sabre’s place in the 2012 charts. The album offers a consistency in sound that reflects well on Sabre’s unique voice. Whilst his style may often lack the same uniqueness that his voice offers, it presents a credible debut from which he will hopefully be able to grow.

Recommended download: ‘No One’

A Different Kind of Truth

Sounds From Nowheresville

No One Can Ever Know

V

T

M

Recommended download: ‘You And Your Blues’

Recommended download: ‘Help’

Recommended download: ‘Don’t Look at Me’

The Ting Tings

Van Halen

an Halen’s first album with original singer David Lee Roth since 1984 was released way back in, well... 1984!

Needless to say, fans of the original hard rock sound of the band have been waiting for this day for nearly 30 years (and 14 years since they last released any sort of material). But have they been waiting in vain?

Famous for singers dramatically quitting the band, being one of the most successful 80s rock bands and Eddie Van Halen’s outrageous guitar wizardry, A Different Kind Of Truth certainly reflects the latter two of those statements. This comes as no surprise, considering a number of the tracks are based on unreleased demos written in the late 70s. Roth’s voice may have aged and occasionally ventures into Lou Reed mumbling territory, but for the most part it’s strong.

The lyrics venture from cheesy to outright ridiculous: “Honey baby my heart’s aflame” to “Stone soul sister soccer mom, mucha-miga cherry bomb”.

There’s no sign of a synthesiser, so anyone expecting ‘Jump 2’ will be disappointed, but this leaves more room for Eddie to demonstrate why he’s always up there when the greatest guitarists of all time are discussed. Just listen to his axe work on ‘Stay Frosty’ and this is plain to see.

The fans will adore ADKOT, but after so many years it’s not unreasonable to have expected more, is it?

Graham Matthews

For tonnes of web-exclusive columns and live reviews, check out The Courier music section online.

Jordan Lebbern

The Twilight Sad

here’s nothing here as inescapably catchy as ‘That’s Not My Name’, which will be a disappointment for some but an enormous relief for others. Instead, the Ting Tings’ new album is a bizarre mix tape of attempts at new sounds and styles.

The results are…mixed. ‘Silence’ sounds uncannily like an ice-cream van being machine gunned. There’s another one where she sort-of raps about Speedy Gonzales while being backed by those late-’90s church bell noises. Ah. Yes. Rapping. Or some sort of squawky-speakyshouting. It comes up a lot here, so be warned.

‘Soul Killing’ is especially annoying, not only for the poor attempt at ska, but because it uses the squeaking of a creaky door as percussion, meaning the whole song is spent worrying whether your chair is about to break or it really is just the music.

Then, out of nowhere, the last songs appear, sounding like an entirely different band. ‘One

by One’ and ‘Day to Day’ (pattern?) are decent enough pop singles, while ‘In Your Life’ is unrecognisably sad, all mournful cello and a few echoey chords of guitar. ‘Help’ starts off optimistically, with layers of softer vocals letting the music slowly build into what could be a grand climax…but then she starts squawking again and the opportunity is ruined.

There are many surprises on this album. Just not many good songs.

Rebecca Price

aking a huge direction change in music is not the easiest route for a band to take when writing the follow-up to a hugely acclaimed album.

But this is what The Twilight Sad has done for No One Can Ever Know. They have abandoned the guitar-led, layer-upon-layer wall of sound that worked so successfully on Forget the Night Ahead, for a synthesised and much more exposed sound.

Refusing to stagnate and carry on with the same old same like so many bands do, The Twilight Sad have taken it upon themselves to break new ground but still retain their dark and haunting melodies.

The absence of the wall of sound style guitars allows the band to explore a simpler less contrived sound, which in ‘Nil’ and ‘Not Sleeping’ is absolutely mesmerising. No One Can Ever Know takes the songs back to their bare bones and sucks you in with their signature dark and portentous lyrics.

For the diehard fans this album maybe just a step too far, marking a huge shift for the band.

But this change has opened The Twilight Sad up to a much wider audience, whilst never compromising the integrity of the band by pandering to the mainstream.

No One Can Ever Know is a worthy successor to Forget the Night Ahead and proves that you don’t need to settle for the same old same.

Alex Brophy

Follow The Courier music section on Twitter - @TheCourierMusic

Gig announcements, updates on the Newcastle music scene, track recommendations and exclusive articles.

Oh, and plenty of #hashtags!

The Courier

featuresmusic.31

Monday 20 February 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk

Straight from the Horses’ mouth On the

Leeds four-piece Pulled Apart By Horses have, against all the odds, found mainstream radio success and become Britain’s most exciting rock band. Music Editor Ben Travis catches up with frontman Tom Hudson to chat legendary producers, cabin fever and demonic possession.

A

nyone tuning in to Radio 1 over the past few weeks might have been in for a shock. Alongside a mountain of Guetta, Minaj and wubwub-wub-SKREE-ing dubstep, listeners will have found themselves subject to a barrage of Sabbath-indebted riffing, relentless drumming and harsh, yelping vocals. But if anyone is most surprised

by Leeds four-piece Pulled Apart By Horses’ mainstream success, it’s the band themselves.

“It kind of freaked us out a bit when it first happened,” explains frontman Tom Hudson.

“We were like, why the fuck is a band like ours being played after Katy Perry? When we started getting played on Radio 1, we got quite a few new fans, but we’d also get a load of messages from people going ‘what the fuck is this?’”

The exposure of mainstream radio is something that the band is still trying to get used to.

“We get some fans going to the gigs now and going ‘oh my god, it’s you’, and I’m like, ‘what, I’m just an idiot like everybody else’.”

New album Tough Love has been attracting critical acclaim and an army of new fans across the country.

“People have seemed to dig it and stuff, which is great. We were conscious that everything was a bit more considered, but we didn’t want it to lose the edge that we had before. We wanted to still keep that balance but make everything bigger - at first we thought, are people just going to be like ‘they fucking sold out!’”

With legendary producer Gil Norton (Pixies, Foo Fighters) on board, fans were eager to hear the results.

“Before we met him, we were kind of freaked out about it, but we ended up realising that he’s just a big softie really. He’s like our rock’n’roll

Preview: UNITRASH NUSU, Feb 24th, 10pm, £6 NUS

F

riday 24th sees the Ministry of Sound’s UNITRASH night come to Newcastle University Student’s Union, for one of the hottest clubbing events of the year and an evening which promises to be unmissable.

Headline act Utah Saints are regular DJs on the UK club circuit.

“Recently we’ve been really busy working on our record label, Sugarbeats, as well as a regular club night in Leeds and another night up in Edinburgh which have both been really successful.

But on top of all that we’ve both been keeping busy as the Utah Saints, we’ve been really busy with loads of other projects and have been working a lot in our studio on side projects and one-off dance tracks.”

It’s been a while since Utah Saints have ventured into our neck of the woods, making UNITRASH an absolute must-have ticket.

“The last time we played up in Newcastle was a few years back now, so we’re looking forward to getting back there. The UNITRASH nights are really good fun and we love playing in students’ unions because it’s usually a really good atmosphere and the student scene contains a lot of decent music.”

So what makes this night different to other club nights?

“Normally, you can just go out to a normal club night and get drunk no matter what the music is, but at these UNITRASH nights, the music is generally cooler and the crowds seem more up for it and are there for the music.’’

Be there, or be square.

Chris Scott

uncle now. The first day was a bit nerve-racking, and then we went and got drunk after and it was fine.”

Holing themselves away in the studio made for a fairly intense recording period.

“There was a lot of time to kill,” Tom recalls.

“I think we ended up getting cabin fever after a few days, and we were there for two weeks.”

Is this perhaps where the idea for the Evil Dead-esque video for ‘V.E.N.O.M’ (in which the band find themselves cursed by a possessed hand) came from?

“It probably did come from there! We had the middle eight of ‘Bromance Ain’t Dead’ sorted for ages, and we thought it sounded good but

a bit boring and then James came up with this solo completely randomly, just messing about on his first take. We were all sat there in silence, like ‘what the fuck was that?’ He must have had some sort of demonic possession for that.”

The real test now will be to see how the songs fare live. Often cited as the best live band in Britain, it’s here that Pulled Apart By Horses truly excel – and anyone worried that they’re about to forget their roots needn’t fret.

“It’s all good getting reviews and new people getting into it, but the people that are the most important to us are the fans that we’ve already got, the people who’ve been there since we were playing to a few people in shitty bars.”

record

Classic album. Fresh perspective.

Until last week, I had never listened to Abbey Road by The Beatles.

When Abbey Road is mentioned you instantaneously think about THAT photo. The iconic album artwork has been much imitated throughout the years, in my opinion cheapening this record. Like most famous albums, I’ve of course heard many of the tracks previously, such as the jerky chilled ‘Come Together’. Abbey Road is something special; a swansong from the most famous band ever, though if you’re looking for a perfectly flowing concept album, you won’t find it here. What you will find is a collection of songs from each member of the band separately. Lennon’s darker elements in ‘I Want You (She’s So Heavy)’ with its long drawn out conclusion, Harrison’s chilled blues rock in ‘Something’, along with two sides of McCartney’s writing in ‘Oh! Darling’ all come together to make a classic collection of very different tracks. The album’s second half is primarily made up of a long medley of short tracks, as well as Harrison’s huge ‘Here Comes The Sun’ showcasing every aspect of latter day Beatles.

Abbey Road is an album that takes you on a journey, not in the conventional clichéd way, but it travels through the writing and recording efforts of each member of the band. It truly is a masterful goodbye from a band which knew it wasn’t going to last much longer, with some amazing tunes showcasing the best efforts of all of them, as well as some brilliant harmonies and input on particular tracks from the whole band. If you’ve not listened to a Beatles record before, start here at their penultimate one.

Tim Sewell

Should somebody call the care home?

It’s hard to know what’s more worrying: the fact that these elderly, easily-lead and impressionable musicians (well, except the Hoff ) still think they’ve got it, or whether no-one tells them otherwise. Rory Smith and Mallory McDonald discuss some of the more cringeworthy examples of mutton dressed as lamb.

Madonna and her MDNA phase

Janet Jackson Bowl nip-slip’s Super

Iggy Pop selling car insurance

this little Oh dear, oh dear. Where to start with to know It is debatable whether Iggy Two and a ha pop princess? Well, it’s nice Janet Jackson lf million viewers saw Pop’s stint in the Swiftcover that we have a living relic of the adverts is more of an embarTimberlake’s literally follow Justin pop industry. If only you could in st ru ct er io und n en rassment to him or them. I’m hidd of naked by the getting see the wrinkles not entirely sure they thought what woman end of the song. Well the glaze I’m sure they would can resist the old r Poo tell! through advertising insurto ti tales in on strucs of J.T? This have a few bi t s of time of bo ber ance with a frontman who ob flashing cost CBS Lourdes. The num has spent half his life coked in fines. Isn’t half a million dollars she’s probably traipsed out in boob-flashing her nd fi to out of his head. rs hou entertainmen st the early t in England? andard mother sitting on the curb with no one left but a donThe Hoff STILL ner kebab. There’s a reason th inking he’s got ‘it’ 0, why it’s called club 18-3 ing to inu nt co ey rtn Ca Mc ul Pa Madge.

‘Jump in My Car’ ha release music s Cliff Richard still ha be en the song of vi ng a peo by d age our enc ely pulse choice for murderSir Macca is unfortunat ing secretly genius ers and kidnapple’s belief that there is somethere isn’t. Naming behind his recent releases. Th tom overtakes the pers for some time I think it may be tim e to now. Whether this giv e it a his new album Kisses on the Bot nt” of releasing rest, Clifford. Every Chris “dad mome tm as was David’s target you adorn our embarrassing television sets with a market is not clear, ‘Dance Tonight’ more prosthetic, thanface shinier, and but one thing is fo - a song he ading on the tree. Thos the baubles hangtoo well with the sor sure - it’s gone down a bit mits came from been churning out mie vocal cords have yourself from at th rt of people you’d distance humming in the Christmas cringers sinddle-of-the-road e wa ce st 19 y the lyrics stand fobus stop. Perhaps it’s the Mo .

58 , so here’s a kitchen suggestion Cliff – ho w taught not to do in r everything we were dads don’t get career to bed and set about we put the our tender youth? tle se do the wn ase wi rele th to a nice glass of sherry like yo ur counterparts to s sing senile mu have been doing for the past decade? the world.

32.filmfeatures

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thecourieronline.co.uk/film c2.film@ncl.ac.uk

Top

‘Muppet’ Movies

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Muppets Great Caper The Great Muppet Caper – Probably the more overlooked of The Muppets movies but not one that should be forgotten. Kermit, Fozzie Bear and Gonzo play reporters who are tasked with helping Diana Rigg discover who stole her jewels. With a running gag that Kermit and Fozzie are identical twins, this is standard Muppets, albeit a little straightforward at times.

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Muppets Treasure Island The Muppets Treasure Island – Jim Henson’s death in 199 mirrored the downfall of originality in The Muppets franchise with the next two films being adaptations. Treasure Island was one, but what an adaptation! With Tim Curry as Long John Silver and Miss Piggy as the genderconfused Benjamina, this is not the most usual of adaptations.

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Muppets Take Manhattan The Muppets Take Manhattan – The first Muppets film to be directed by the puppet master, Frank Oz, this sees the Muppets heading to New York to try and get their musical on Broadway. Of course, it’s full of the typical weirdness (Muppets can graduate from college?). Shame the songs weren’t too great.

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Monday 20 February 2012

No strings attached With puppetry back in cinemas in a big way with The Muppets Movie , Luke Hearfield looks over the filmic history of the art.

When I discovered that The Muppets were making a comeback to the big screen, there was a sense of overwhelming excitement that could only be matched by meeting Santa Claus in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory whilst taking ecstasy.

The Muppets regeneration is an event to be treasured, not just for its return of the iconic characters and wacky sense of humour that enriched our childhood, but because The Muppets is the epitome of an underrated art form that still has the ability to touch our hearts and tickle our funny bones. A simple flailing of Kermit’s spaghetti stringed arms often triumphs in the hilarity stakes over the average Jackass sketch.

Nowadays, though some people consider puppetry to be a tacky outdated medium, the art form of puppetry is one that has left its mark on the film industry, from classics such as Labyrinth and Gremlins to modern day cult hits like Team America: World Police. The ability to breathe life into a piece of cloth and some Ping-Pong ball eyes is a challenge, and when done correctly can be an incredibly powerful thing to observe. In many ways, puppetry is a much more challenging skill to possess. An actor relies on their body to express emotion, but when you’re using an inanimate object to convey a character, the mechanics and delivery is a completely different process. The infamous opening scene in Being John Malkovich in which John Cusack demonstrates his carefully

constructed dance sequence with his stringpuppet, transitioning those skills into controlling Malkovich’s body, is still one that has the ability to give goosebumps.

The synergy, gracefulness and incredible timing make it difficult to distinguish who is the true performer.

Maybe it’s due to the CGI craze that seems to be dominating the film industry, but there has been a noticeable lack of puppetry within recent cinema (unless you count Mel Gibson playing with a sock-puppet beaver). Apart from the human-controlled robotics of the late Stan Winston, it has became a dying art form in some ways. But even with the advances in computer graphics that offer a more ‘real’ representation, it’s still just an illusion. In many ways I preferred the almost clumsy foolery of the classic puppet ver-

1

The Muppet Movie 2012 The Muppet Movie – It’s just lovely. There’s nothing malicious or depressing here. It’s nice. With cameos galore, great songs (seriously guys, Rainbow Connection is the perfect way to start a film) and the loveable Muppets humour, anyone that hates this film has no soul. You probably hate kittens and chocolate too.

Chris Taylor Pictures: ‘Muppet Wiki’ and ‘Buena Vista Home entertainment Inc

Illustration: Anthony O’Neill

sion of Yoda in the original Star Wars, in comparison to the bouncing CGI tennis ball that he became in the most recent films.

With the reboot of Kermit, Gonzo, Miss Piggy and the rest of the gang returning to the big screen, this could be a great chance for a once-great performance technique to regain some momentum. It’s time for a new generation to play the music, time to light the lights, it’s time to meet The Muppets and appreciate puppetry once again.

The darkside of Lucasfilm

With Star Wars Episode One 3D released again in cinemas last week, Mallory McDonald questions the creative problems of the franchise Muppets Christmas Carol The Muppets Christmas Carol – One of the definitive Christmas films. If this isn’t showing at some point around the holiday period, you know the apocalypse is definitely coming soon! With Michael Caine in the Scrooge role and Gonzo as Charles Dickens himself, it’s hard to not love this film and feel Christmassy.

The Courier

Is George Lucas capable of doing anything good other than Star Wars? Last week saw the rerelease of another Star Wars film. Yes. Another.

Now, I could understand it if A New Hope was getting the 3D treatment, but The Phantom Menace? Is that necessary?

Do we really need Jar Jar Binks in 3D? What Lucas doesn’t seem to grasp in his defence of this move is that these improvements are completely unnecessary.

Where the more recent Star Wars trilogy missed out on the magic of the original was in ‘improvements’. Had Yoda originally been the CGI monstrosity of the recent trilogy, he would have in no way become as iconic and loved as the puppet marsh creature of A New Hope. This billionth re-mastering of a Star Wars film leads to the question as to whether George Lucas is capable of doing anything other than... well... re-mastering Star Wars (apart from promoting ‘inter species erotica’ Howard the Duck).Two words: Indiana Jones.

It’s quite easy when looking at Lucas’s IMDb page to think that all he does is Star Wars (seriously, check it out, there’s about twenty billion links) but people forget that it’s George we can thank for that rolling boulder, the melting corpse, and if anything, learning that you can come on

to people by writing messages on your eye lids (success).

Yes, as Ricky Gervais has recently reminded us in Life’s Too Short, Lucas’s Willow was an epic failure, possibly leading to questions over his ability to expand... but isn’t Gervais guilty of the same crime? Is he capable of producing anything good other than awkward comedy? Is J.K Rowling capable of producing anything as good as Harry Potter? Was Michael Jackson capable of producing anything as good as Thriller?

This is the question we need to ask. Not “can Lucas create anything good other than Star Wars”, it is “can he create anything as good as it” and the answer is no. I mean, look at Star Wars, it is Hitler telling Churchill he’s his dad, it’s glowing swords, it’s cute little bears (yes, I know, Ewoks) who go to battle, it’s a frickin’ giant slug! Yes, Lucas may have had a few epic cinematic failures but have you seen Spielberg’s Artificial Intelligence? Jurassic Park it ain’t.

What Lucas has recognised is that he can never create a phenomenon as good as Star Wars again, something which Michael Jackson never realised, always trying to be more successful than Thriller.

Instead Lucas has tried to perfect that

phenomenon, albeit not understanding that this is unnecessary but who can blame him?

Heck, if J.K Rowling rereleased an edited and em-

bellished version of Harry Potter every year, I would buy it.

So George, continue what you are doing and may the force be with you (had to be said) but apologies if I don’t go to see Phantom Menace in 3D because I’m not going to lie: it’s not your best work.

Illustration: Daisy Billows

The Courier

reviewsfilm.33

Monday 20 February 2012

Film Editor: Chris Binding Online Film Editor: Hayley Hamilton

A Dangerous Method ‘Shall we say this time next Tuesday? I’ll start gently ripping you to shreds’. David Cronenberg’s new film A Dangerous Method recounts the connections between Jung and Freud during the development of psychoanalytic therapy.

Doctor Jung, played by the superb Michael Fassbender, accepts the extreme case of Sabina Spielrein (Knightley), a young Russian woman tortured by her own perversion but known formally as ‘insane’. As years pass he sees a blurring of what he may have considered ‘normal sexuality’ and struggles to balance his relationships with Freud (Viggo Mortensen), his wife, and his patient. Film lovers may be aware of Mortensen’s long-term working relationship with director Cronenberg, examples including A History of Violence (2005) and Eastern Promises (2007).

If you’re the type of person who enjoys seeing a screaming Keira Knightley, muddy and deranged, dragged through hospital grounds then this is certainly the film for you. There’s no shortage of rocking, wailing or even jaw locking for that matter. But it is worth noting that,

particularly in the case of her more emotionally intense monologues, it is sometimes difficult to completely understand her meaning. There are certainly moments where she feels almost intolerable, and yet this patient’s abuse as a child and her ‘liking it’, proves key to unlocking the darker sides of psychoanalysis. Childhood sexuality, incest, and the assertion that all human actions derive from sexual motivation timelessly marry Freudian theory with controversy, and Cronenberg certainly doesn’t ‘repress’

The Women in Black

Big Miracle

these themes in his film. Indeed, A Dangerous Method’s uncompromising dramatisation of events, coupled with the subsequent ‘popularity’ of Freudian debate challenges his prediction that ‘in one hundred years time our work will still be rejected’.

Tension emerges around the midpoint when Freud refuses Jung’s desires to branch into spirituality and religious theory. Whilst Freud has been fore-grounded in much of the promotional material, viewers should be aware that

The Muppets Movie

it is Knightley and Fassbender who star as the protagonists of the film. As Jung’s work increasingly connects him to formerly nonsensical Sabina, he struggles to nurture his marriage, the very epitome of convention. It’s not long before this stability is pressurised further by his affair with the patient, her rough demands leaving him more than a little hot under his crisply ironed collar. One must commend Fassbender’s brave choice of parts of late - January saw him as the introverted sex addict in Steve McQueen’s stunning Shame.

Overall A Dangerous Method is an interesting watch, although if I may say, a little misleading in its marketing. I’ll admit I expected a thoughtprovoking, shockingly persuasive account of Freudian theory. On the contrary, this film focuses instead on the personal journeys that inspired them. But I guess it’s worth it just to witness Aragorn as the hoity braniac.

VERDICT: Although a fair film, A Dangerous Method is not necessarily accessible as an entertainment piece. It works best for viewers interested in philosophy and psychology, and needless to say some scenes would be awkward to watch with parents or a date.

Hayley Hamilton

The Vow

Picture: Universal Studios

Labelled as the ‘most chilling ghost story of our time,’ expectations were inevitably high on watching The Woman in Black.

Black As the first major film in the reinvention of the Hammer horror series, the film succeeds where others have failed. It follows the young solicitor Arthur Kipps (played by a post-Potter Daniel Radcliffe) as he travels to clear up the affairs of a recently deceased woman who lived in the remote Eel Marsh House. On arriving there, he discovers frosty villagers and the malevolent spirit of ‘The Woman in Black’ haunting the corridors.

Director James Watkins (Eden Lake) is an ( excellent choice managing to combine both ‘jump’ scares a-plenty and an almost intolerable sense of creeping dread whenever Kipps is in the house. The audience is never able to relax, and this, in part, is due to the house itself.

Ominously lit, and full of sinister toys and eerie rocking chairs for maximum scares, it’s a place anyone would feel unnerved. The ghost herself is used sparingly to great effect. The fact that she is rarely glimpsed for more than a few seconds adds to the horror, as you are not quite sure where she might show up next. If the film has a low point, it’s in Radcliffe himself. Unable to really convince as a recently widowed father, we can’t invest that much emotion in him. It’s a shame, because with a lesser-known and less typecast actor, the film would have been the perfect genre piece. However, all the other elements are spot on, and The Woman in Black proves to be the most impressive ghost story since 2001’s The Others.

Others VERDICT: Don’t be fooled by the 12A certificate, this is horror at its best. With one of the more effective antagonists in recent times, the film is both suspenseful and eerie. Though the film would have been even better with a different leading actor, it’s definitely worth a watch.

Sam Hopkins

Do you recall that time that a whole Alaskan town, an oil company, Greenpeace, the Reagan administration and the USSR all tried to save some whales? Really? I don’t either.

Although based on a true story, Big Miracle contains a jaw-dropping number of Hollywood standards. The oil tycoon in need of good PR, the ambitious TV journalists looking for their big break, Drew Barrymore as the eco-campaigner who tells everyone they don’t care like she does. Not to mention the Inuit locals, with an older generation talking about ‘our people’ and singing to the whales, while everyone else is happy to charge ‘the outsiders’ $40 for useful bits of cardboard. The families across America, glued open-mouthed to their televisions like it’s the Kennedy assassination. The wisecracking youngster. The love triangle. The exact rises and falls in tension. You can tick them off, scene-byscene, like bingo.

The film never quite finds its tone; the cynical agendas behind everyone involved in the rescue mean it’s not exactly heartwarming, but when it implies that the use of a Russian ice-breaker may have helped resolve the Cold War, it’s hard to take it seriously either. Wrapping up a wider political and eco context around whales in peril may have suited Free Willy fine in the 90s; but when done so overtly it arises as no longer thrilling nor relevant. And with the film actually being called Big Miracle it wears its narrative resolution on its sleeve. Shame really, as the ‘whale in peril’ film is in need of a reboot and, by the look of current whaling trends, casting them in future may become problematic.

VERDICT: It’s fair enough for a family film, but judging from the children playing tag in the aisles of the screening, it can be a bit boring for the under-8s. Maybe for the over-8s too, thinking about it.

Becca Price

It’s been a long while since the Muppets Studio last played the music and lit the lights – their last theatrical venture, 1999’s ill-fated Muppets From Space, seemed a commercially disappointing whimper of a footnote on a once-great career.

Fantastic cover of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ aside, there’s little chance that younger generations will know/love/give two hoots about The Muppets – luckily, with a little spit and polish, the Muppets will delight old fans and create plenty of new ones.

Cleverly using this conceit of the titular puppets now being nobodies as the central plot, it’s the meta-Muppet-movie that fans have been dying for, but never lets its brains get in the way of its huge fuzzy-felt heart. Anyone who’s seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall will attest to Jason Segel’s love of puppetry, and as star and scriptwriter here, his passion for the project is evident in every frame.

Instead of just telling kids why the Muppets were (and are) so great, The Muppets does a brilliant job of showing it. It’s genuinely hilarious, the new songs (penned by Flight of the Conchords’ Bret McKenzie) are fantastic, and the old favourites such as ‘Rainbow Connection’ still tug those nostalgic heartstrings. Underneath the cheeriness is a melancholic undercurrent akin to Toy Story 3, though not as weighty. Segel makes for a charming leading man, a raft of celebrity cameos entertain but don’t distract, but the real stars here are undoubtedly The Muppets themselves. Kermit and co., it’s great to have you back.

Mahna-mahna!

The Vow is the lobotomised sister of Jon Turteltaub’s While You Were Sleeping. Paige (Rachel McAdams) is a ‘free spirit’, having left law school against her family’s wishes to pursue her true artistic passion, i.e. making bizarre treelike sculptures in a dingy garage. After she miraculously wakes up from a coma, she struggles to find the way back to her previously ‘quirky’ self, reuniting with her estranged parents and growing further apart from her soulmate Leo (Channing Tatum).

From the outset, this film is disgustingly mawkish with poorly developed and clichéd characters. Tatum is miscast and in the smallest of nods to this new, artsy role, he wears a hat placed at a jaunty angle for all of five minutes before reverting back to his usual failsafe - the broody beefcake. Meanwhile, McAdams is about as engaging as wet cardboard and the chemistry between them is clumsy and forced.

Even if you’re a great lover of romantic drama, The Vow is guaranteed to disappoint as the plot is an insipid mess of shamelessly borrowed storylines. Any attempt to be original fails miserably in particular, there’s a horribly engineered wedding scene in an art gallery, in which the protagonists get chased out by some lacklustre security guards and proceed to stumble down the street in a state of implausible happiness.

If you do, for some unbeknownst reason, decide to go and see this, don’t expect witty dialogue, a clever twist or even a decent sex scene.

Clearly this film is nothing more than a banal money-spinner for Valentine’s Day.

VERDICT: The Muppets is quite simply a perfectly judged venture which will delight all ages.

File somewhere between Toy Story 3’s emotional body-blows and Hugo’s nostalgia for an (almost) forgotten art. Sublime.

VERDICT: Any tears shed were for the appalling state of modern cinema. Not even Channing Tatum’s loutish good looks and thickset neck can save this film from the box office gutter. Two hours too long.

Ben Travis

Lauen Stafford

34.science

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk

5 things you need to know the biggest science fails

1

Thomas Midgely Jr vs. the world Most of us have a minimal impact on the planet’s ecosystem; even Tony Hayward can sleep easy in the knowledge of Thomas Midgely Jr. A chemist and mechanical engineer, he and his research team invented leaded petrol and CFCs. Environmental historian J.R. McNeill said of him that he had “had more impact on the atmosphere than any other single organism in Earth’s history”.

2

Toad of Australia Hall

In 1935, the Bureau of Sugar Experiment Stations decided to introduce the Cane Toad to reduce the blight of the Cane Beetle. Unfortunately, the toads do not eat the adult beetle, and due to a secreted toxin are almost invulnerable to indigenous predation. From an initial population of 102, there are now an estimated 200 million toads, and a sh*t-ton of Cane Beetles.

3

Tusko the elephant

In the 1960s, psychiatrists began to notice the similarity between the effects of some drugs and mental illness. Due to similar anatomy and episodic mania, elephants were chosen as a test subject for observation. Enter Tusko. So it was that Tusko was given 1000 times the regular human dose of LSD and obviously died. The researchers theorised several reasons for this shocking effect, but came to the final conclusion that “the elephant is highly sensitive to the effects of LSD”.

4

The Prometheus Tree

In 1964, geography postgrad Donald R. Currey was studying climate change using Nevada pine trees. One tree, nicknamed the Prometheus Tree, interested him particularly. Several bores failed to obtain the tree’s age, so after applying for government permission, the tree was cut down to more accurately calculate its longevity.

As it turned out it was the oldest organism ever recorded, estimated at 4,862 years old. Good science Donald.

5

Tibbles the cat

1894, Stephens Island, New Zealand, enter David Lydall and his cat Tibbles, who would bring back bird gifts that Lydall considered unusual. Indeed, after sending back samples to a friend in London, he found the birds were of a new species, the only flightless perching birds in the world.

As he prepared for fame, the gifts stopped.

It turns out Tibbles had eradicated the entire species.

The green potential of an industrial past

Emma Summerscales discusses the carbon capture garden project with Dr Pete Manning

cientists from Newcastle University are experimenting with gardens down at SScience Central to explore an ingenious

approach to capturing carbon from the atmosphere. A big part of the project focuses on determining which sorts of vegetation - from grass to green compost and birch seed - have the best ability to sequester carbon in the ground.

An interview with Dr Pete Manning, from the School of Agriculture, Food and Rural Development, provides further insight into the project.

He begins by giving an overview of the science behind the gardens: “Plants, via photosynthesis, assimilate CO2 from the atmosphere and then they release that CO2 when they respire, and that happens both through their leaves and through their roots. They also produce dead organic material and the decomposition of their dead organic matter by fungi and other micro-organisms releases CO2.

“They also undergo a process known as rhizodeposition which exudes carbon from their roots. All three of those processes basically end with the CO2 in the soil environment and that can combine with minerals in the soil to form stable carbonate carbon. It is a way of potentially getting atmospheric CO2 into the ground in a form which is stable and bound up, so it’s a way of sequestering carbon and mitigating climate change.”

With these areas working best on brown-field sites where there is limestone-

Picture this A burning issue

based crushed concrete or on mineral slags (areas of mineral waste from mine extraction), these carbon capture gardens could be short lived as developers seek to take on the sites. However, as Dr Manning explains, this idea could work alongside development. “You could have pop-up sites. Plants come up, you get a quick carbon fix in the soil and then build on it, that carbon’s not going anywhere.

In the meantime you have a green space to be used as recreation or a biodiverse area - we see them as being multifunctional urban spaces.”

Looking to the future, Dr Manning says,

Plants come up, you get a quick carbon fix in the soil and then build on it, that carbons not going anywhere

“It’s very early days on the research at present, and what we’d now like to do is look at this across a wider range of sites across the UK.” He points out that research also needs to be focused on how much carbon can be stored in the soil before it reaches saturation point.

Although there is still some research to be done, these gardens are cheap, multifunctional and will reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in our atmosphere as part of the fight against climate change.

Look out for sites springing up around the UK – the team have already set up other gardens in County Durham and North Lincolnshire.

Darwin’s birthday has aroused new tension this week over the intolerances of theism and atheism toward one another James Ricketts

The Courier

science.35

Monday 20 February 2012

Science Editor: Mark Atwill Science Online Editor: Adam Bristow-Smith

I am O’Reilly, Lord of the Idiots Science Editor Mark Atwill discusses Fox’s worst man in the world and why he has almost ruined the welcomed healthy debate between theism and atheism

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7 Photo SlightlyNorth Photo Caro’s Lines

4 8 2 Photo JPStanley

No one is here to refute the existence of a higher power, let’s make that clear. Rather, let’s take a moment to reflect on how ignorance can so easily breed contempt. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Bill O’Reilly, stop everything and go and watch him in action, right now.

His insane, militantly ignorant and cringe-worthy war on science - that offends theist and atheist alike with a primary school education - and the general epicness by which he fails on a daily basis, is staggering. Here is a selection of his lowest moments.

1. Tide Goes In, Tide Goes Out. You Can’t Explain That (Wrong) “I’ll tell you why religion is not a scam; tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication.”

Faith is one thing, but even the most staunchly theist among us would be astounded by the disregard for hundreds of years of astronomical and oceanographic research that has given us a childishly simple and practical model for this somewhat mundane phenomenon. In an interview with Dave Silverman, head of the American Atheist Group, O’Reilly elegantly, calmly, and unfathomably stupidly condenses his belief in God into this elegant raving. It’s like he never even went to school.

2. You can’t explain where the moon cames from! (we can) “Okay, how’d the moon get there? How’d the sun get there? How’d it get there? Can you explain that to me?

How come we have that and Mars doesn’t have it (actually, it has 2 moons)? Venus doesn’t have it. How come?

Why not? How’d it get here? How did that little amoeba get here, crawl out there (evolution)? How’d it do it?”

O’Reilly there, ineloquently proving that he is a complete moron. Attempting to combat confusion with more confusion is like trying to put out a fire with a massive fire. This astonishing rationale proves the man simply has NO intellectual understanding of scientific concepts.

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6 Photo SVale

Photo Shvmoz

3. Even disproved facts should are considered as facts.

6. Science is guessing so dinosaurs is might not real!

“I think the people like the ACLU, who don’t want you to mention it [creationism] in your biology class, are the Taliban.”

“As you may know, global warming is cyclical, and right now it’s the focus of a ferocious debate -- almost as ferocious as a T. Rex...”

Just to clarify, the ACLU is a human rights organisation.

This extraordinary attack comes as a reaction to the refusal of American schools to teach the scientifically unsound theory of Creationism as an alternative to Evolution, despite the fact that that would be like teaching Star Wars as an alternative to ancient history because it happened a ‘long time ago’.

Something is awry when this is your opening gambit.

However, does this mean O’Reilly does, or doesn’t believe in global warming, or dinosaurs? Yes, that’s right, DINOSAURS. The things with fossils we’ve all seen. I guess that T-Rex skeleton was really a crocodile, a hippo and a flock of geese that crashed into each other really fast and accidentally got turned to stone 4,000 years ago.

Makes sense.

4. Faith are easier than doing science.

“It takes more faith to not believe and to think that this was all luck and all this human body and all the intricacies of it, are all luck, than it does to believe in a deity.”

Yes, he went there, clapping his hands and shouting “I believe in fairies so they must exist” mind crapping Cogito Ergo Sum style. This argument for throwing out science in favour of medieval theocracy is based on the idea that thinking about science makes his brain hurt, so why not just embrace the benevolence, man?

5. Science lacks the morality of religion “Science doesn’t advance the human condition in any moralistic way -- and Jesus did.”

Who gave this moron a TV programme? Completely misunderstanding the whole point of science, which if done correctly, is completely incorruptible, impartial, objective and based simply on unbiased observation for which there is no judgment other than physical reality, WWJD raving O’Reilly comes a cropper. On the subject of morality, getting stupid people to agree with you for money, however stupid you may be is rather questionable, sir.

7. Science has holes in it, which is God. “Science is not always incomplete and I’ll give you an example. There are twenty-four hours in a day” A point made by O’Reilly in an interview with Jason Rosenhouse on intelligent design Creationism, in which he explicitly suggests the idea of imposing faith on high school students. To give credence to his proposal he decides to impress us with his knowledge of science, for example, how many hours in a day there are. Science!

Weird Science

Wrong science in the media

Science in the media is good: it raises awareness of the challenges that face today’s scientists, and keeps the public abreast of key developments in sciencebased areas such as healthcare. It is increasingly apparent, however, that journalists walk a thin line between healthy reporting of current science events and dangerous misinformation.

The advancement of science is dependent on the continuing, gradual collection of viable empirical evidence in order to reject or accept hypotheses. In this way our picture of the universe is continuously and consistently updated to reflect our best knowledge. This matters to scientists; if their evidence is shown to be unworkable, their theories - under the constant scrutiny of the peer-review process – will eventually be shown to be hokum. If dishonest scientists continue in this manner, their careers can be ruined.

This pressure to always base decisions on sound evidence clearly applies to scientists. However, it does not seem to apply to journalists and politicians. They are less constricted by the inconvenience of providing accurate evidence, and are content (and mostly unchallenged) when spewing untruths to further their own diabolical ends. Politicians clearly realise the importance of evidence – they frequently attempt to provide it. However, they seem happy to wilfully misrepresent it.

Take everyone’s favourite Health Secretary Andrew Lansley as an example.

His increasingly unpopular NHS reform bill has come under increasing scrutiny in recent weeks and rightly so. For over a year now, Lansley has been attempting to sell his bill to the general public with misinformation. He claims that ‘the evidence’ supports his position, but this is not the case. As Ben Goldacre explained at length a year ago (see his brilliant Bad Science blog), there are next to no data that back him up in his lofty claims. There is no evidence to show that GP commissioning results in greater efficiency and it has not been demonstrated that competition improves health services. In fact, the best available evidence suggests that this is not the case (the NHS is the second most efficient health service in the world, the USA’s competition-orientated system is among the least efficient).

So where do journalists come into this?

How are they to blame for the untruths of politicians? The answer lies in their obsession with appearing unbiased, and for obvious reasons this particularly applies to the BBC. Journalists have a responsibility to keep our politicians honest, especially when it comes to matters of science and public health. Neutrality is all well and good, but when someone is fundamentally wrong – according to the evidence – and their wrongness will lead to severe consequences for public health, then the public should be made aware.

Joe Willet

8.Teach Evolution are fascist “Just because science has a gap in it, that does not entitle you to turn to any alternatives -- that’s fascism.”

Wow. Fascism. An overused O’Reilly technique when backed into a corner is to throw out a massively exaggerated claim and hope that he can dumbfound his opponent. In an interview relating to teaching the Theory of Evolution involving fundamentalist atheist despot Richard Dawkins, he suggests the failure to teach both sides of the Creationism vs Evolution story is fascism.

Photo: University Hospitals Birmingham

36.technology

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.technology@ncl.ac.uk technology editor: Shaun Butcher

iLost my iPhone

The increased reliance on smart phones means an increased sense of loss when something goes wrong. Technology Editor Shaun Butcher explains what he misses - or rather, what he became reliant on after losing his smartphone Most people these days have a smartphone, and most people recognise the need to have it insured. I didn’t have mine insured. More fool me.

Yes, I lost my iPhone 4 – when I mean lost, I mean dropped it down the toilet after a night out. Serves me right, you say? Well, I agree. I have accepted that it has gone, flickr:breamarie never to be seen again, and I know fine well it is my fault. This article isn’t about what I did or did not do, but more about what I miss – or, more precisely, what I became reliant on.

Smartphones do just about everything you need them to do, and then some. For me, my iPhone slowly became the only device that I used - the only time I used my laptop was to write essays and do the more complicated research. But even then, there were always new apps that I would try in the hope that it would make my life easier. For example, I downloaded the Citrix app which I hoped would allow me to seamlessly use the University’s remote access system on the move - to no avail due to how painfully slow it was. Back to the laptop, back to the app store.

It seems that my life was dominated by my phone. I would awake to the noise of an alarm (coming from my phone) comforted by the knowledge that an app I downloaded had tracked my sleeping patterns and recorded any noises that I may have made. Once I turned the alarm off, I would read the news courtesy of the various news apps, check my Facebook, and then my emails.

Once that was done, I would check my Facebook again, and then my calendar to see what lectures and seminars I had that day (ISS have developed an iCal that integrates perfectly with the iPhone). My morning routine was complete.

All I needed to do now was get out of bed and get ready. If only there was an app for that…

So, the day came when I ‘lost’ my phone.

Was I upset? - Kind of. But I felt liberated.

I went to Northumberland Street in pursuit of a very cheap phone – I even

asked a complete stranger the time! £10 was how much I spent on a phone, but that £10 was not well spent. Every time I painfully pressed a number key to text, the grief began to sink in. Every time I was forced to delete my inbox because it was too full, the grief began to sink in further. Every time I misspelt a word due to the lack of predictive text and the ye old habit of using txt lng 2 mke it quikr made the grief sink in further, and further, and further. I missed my iPhone. Why did I go out that night? Why did I drink so much?

Why didn’t I have insurance?!

In desperation, I tried to revitalise my iPhone by putting it in rice over the weekend, dismantling it and cleaning it, endlessly watching YouTube clips promising a 100 per cent solution to iPhone water damage recovery. These ‘solutions’ did not come to fruition for me.

I faced up to the reality: iLost my iPhone.

A week has gone by and you’d have thought my new found liberation would have sparked a new sense of life into me.

You’d have thought that without my phone I would have shaken of the shackles of technology for good. Well, I sort of have.

I’ve started using my laptop more often and I’m in the processes of upgrading to the iPhone 4s. The old me is no more, I can’t wait to start my new adventure.

Game Review: The Darkness II The Darkness II is, as the name suggests, is the sequel to 2007’s The Darkness, based on the comic book of the same name. The first instalment of the series wasn’t available for PC but the developers very considerately provided introductory cut scenes which quickly and succinctly reveals the basic backstory.

The protagonist is Jackie Estacado - a member of the Franchetti crime family.

On Jackie’s 21st birthday the Mafia Don “Uncle” Paulie turns on Jackie, as is the way with mob bosses, for no apparent reason. Jackie survives and discovers he is the current host of ‘the Darkness’: an evil entity from the beginning of time, which gives him supernatural powers. His girlfriend is killed; he goes on a revenge spree, end of story. This game starts two years later when someone attempts to kill Jackie, now the Don, forcing him to once again unleash the Darkness that he’s kept under control for the past 2 years.

Graphically the game is well stylised.

The unspecified retro mid-century Mafia setting is combined with some comic book inspired cel-shading and handdrawn textures to great effect. It ran smoothly on my midrange laptop on medium settings.

The game-play is not exactly groundbreaking, nor innovative, but there are some interesting additions to the classic FPS staples. In addition to two hands for guns, the Darkness sprouts two snake-like demonic tentacles from Jackie’s shoulders. These can be used to

pick up and throw things, hold shields, slash and perform satisfyingly brutal executions, varying from tearing off heads to punching through chests. Eating hearts recharges health and blood and guts are everywhere; it is a gory game.

There are, of course, some token RPG elements (something most games these days feel the need to cram in). If anything, this just made me feel like I was missing out on content that could have been incorporated in a better way. It seems like an arbitrary limitation and trivialisation of the player’s power that is at odds with the games themes of extreme power at an extreme price.

Possibly the most novel feature is that the Darkness cannot stand light. Being hit by light leaves Jackie almostblind and stripped of his powers, forcing him to avoid and destroy light-sources. This plays an important role later on when enemies start using bullet-proof and mobile lights.

Having said this, I can’t help but think that the developers could have played with this more and added an element of stealth that would have added to the horror film appeal of the Darkness.

While the levels have a degree of

freedom in how to dispose of your foes, the game is really very linear. This is fair enough in itself but the between mission mansion hub seems to be trying to give an illusion of freedom and makes it all the more annoying when you realise there isn’t any.

The most engaging sections were actually the non-violent scripted ones.

Jackie starts to experience visions and flashbacks of his dead girlfriend; this helps to establish a bit of the back-story and reinforce the attachment to the character.

There are also sequences where Jackie finds himself in an insane asylum, with the Darkness and his other life being paranoid delusions.

But which world is the real one?

The story-line is nothing special. While the first game was classic mob revenge story with demonic superpowers thrown in, this instalment has the supernatural brigade out in force and central to the story which sadly continues very little in the way of intrigue or subtlety.

Bottom line: Enjoyable but there is more potential here than the developers made use of. The Darkness II is a solid shooter with some interesting touches, refreshing in a period of ultra-serious military games.

Adam Bristow-Smith

Top Tech News

Interesting stories from the world of tech

Use your heart instead of your head to remember passwords We are always told to create strong passwords with a mix of capital letters, non-capital letters, and numbers - it can all get a bit confusing. There’s no doubt you’ve had to press the ‘I’ve forgotten my password’ button on at least one occasion.

Well, this mental block could soon be a thing of the past. Scientists in Taichung hope to develop a technology that will use your unique heartbeat to decrypt a device only in response to your touch. Very futuristic stuff.

YouTube to detect the funniest videos YouTube, the ultimate source of procrastination, have developed an algorithm that will make your search for the funniest videos much easier.

Using the title, description, and viewers comments YouTube hope to assess the comedic value of every video in its comedy section. But isn’t it all subjective?

How can you assess whether a ‘LOOOOL’ shows that a video is funnier than a ‘LOOOOOOOOL’? I think YouTube’s attempts will come to nothing - surely the ‘like’ feature tells the user what they need to know.

Video games should be recognised as an art form, not vilified Award-winning writer Lucy Prebble has attacked the stereotype of a teenage gamer and insists that gaming should be considered an art form. Prebble argues that games stimulate creativity and tug at emotions, whilst turning the whole theory that children get fat whilst playing video games on its head by asking whether children get fat by simply reading a book. It’s clearly about balance, and the vast majority of teenagers can tell the difference between reality and fiction.

The ‘computer generation’ won’t be one of murderous fiends inspired by the games they play.

flickr: gnackgnackgnack

The Courier

tv.37

Monday 20 February 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/tvandradio c2.editor@ncl.ac.uk tv editor: Aimee Philipson

Prisoners’ Wives: For better for worse Is it worse to be the one left behind? Freya Leete reviews new BBC series Prisoners’ Wives Prisoners’ Wives is an original new series on the BBC that aims to break through the overdone and clichéd inmate dramas.

Instead of being about the trial and tribulations of the inside, Prisoners’ Wives intends to convey to the audience what the people who live on the outside are left to face.

It goes without saying that the majority of people shudder at the thought of being locked up and completely shut off from normal life.

What we don’t really think about is what it would be like for a loved one to be taken away from us.

How would we manage to carry on paying the bills, bringing up the children and remaining faithful? This series brings all this in to question.

All the characters are from different backgrounds and have committed different crimes.

Franny, one of the characters, has been separated from her husband for no less than six years with twelve years left to serve. You can’t help but empathise with her need for male attention. Even though we condemn infidelity in everyday life, Franny shows us that not everything is so black and white.

What this series portrays is that whilst we are indoctrinated to believe that prison is the worst place we

could find ourselves, it might actually be the spouse who suffers the most.

The audience see scenes of the men playing ping-pong and Playstation whilst the women grieve and worry about overcoming daily struggles alone – such as putting food on the table and keeping their heads held high.

Maybe, then, the most unbearable thought is not ending up in the big house yourself, but being left alone to battle with all that the outside world has to throw at you.

It seems that the felons are not the only ones being punished; it is their families that go through the most unbearable hardships.

Prisoners’ Wives, BBC1, Tuesdays, 9pm

If you like this, you’ll love...

Those Who Kill Thursdays, 10pm, ITV3 Kidnap and Ransom Thursdays, 9pm, ITV1 Waterloo Road Wednesdays, 7.30pm, BBC1 Courtesy of BBC

Must-watch of the week Strictly Baby Disco

Courtesy of C4

Thursday, 10pm, Channel 4 Yes, you can now watch eight- and nine-year-olds dancing to crap disco music on television. It’s finally happened; television has hit a new low.

In Strictly Baby Disco, Channel 4 goes behind the scenes of the dazzling and intensely competitive world of kids’ freestyle disco in Britain as this one-off documentary follows five hopefuls and their families in the most competitive age brackets - the under-tens - as the girls and boys prepare to try and knock the reigning disco kid off the top spot. Who will be crowned ‘Disco Kid’ at the illustrious Blackpool Tower ballroom this year? Find out in between re-ordering your sock collection and picking your toe nails.

Aimee Philipson

Hottie of the week

Damian Lewis

Courtesy of C4

British actor, director, charity ambassador and general hottie Damian Lewis is back on our screens, giving gingers a new sex appeal.

Born in London, educated at Eton and a graduate of Guildhall School of Music and Drama, it would be easy to write him off as way out of your league. Even more so when you find out about his active charity work, his close friendships with Joseph Fiennes and Jude Law and his second home in Los Angeles. That and not wanting to break up his happy family may also put you off pursuing him.

So in conclusion, you’ll just have to settle for someone else whilst tuning into Homeland on Channel 4 every Sunday at 9.30pm to perv over him.

Aimee Philipson

38

Puzzles

Monday 20 February 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/puzzles c2.puzzles@ncl.ac.uk Puzzles Editor: Laura Armitage

You can find the answer s to this week’s puzzles a thecou rieronli t ne. co.uk/p uzzles

Sudoku

Crossword

Medium

Across

The Courier

1. Freedom (7) 5. Berate (5) 8. Rhinal (5) 9. Amazing (7) 10. Impassive (7) 11. Tendency (5) 12. Fruit (6) 14. Loved (6) 17. Banquet (5) 19. Gossip (7) 22. Embrocations (7) 23. Entomb (5) 24. Arrows (5) 25. Mariners (7)

Hard

Down

1. Golf course (5) 2. Woodwind instrument (7) 3. Object surviving the past (5) 4. Annual (6) 5. Perfumed (7) 6. Earth’s protective layer (5) 7. Feared (7) 12. Perplexed (7) 13. Countries (7) 15. Rice dish (7) 16. Dissertation (6) 18. Change (5) 20. Legal excuse (5) 21. Tall tales (5)

the lete hand p m Co d and fswor Courier o o s o r t c The nce in to r the cha Bar ns fo fice 5 Me r! £ a win ounche v

Word Link

Find a word that connects the three words

Wordsearch ALCOHOL, ALE, APERITIF APPLEJACK BEER BEVERAGE BITTER BOURBON BRANDY CAPPUCCINO CHAMPAGNE CIDER CLARET COCKTAIL COCOA COFFEE CORDIAL CREAM ELIXIR EXPRESSO GIN GINGER BEER JUICE LAGER

LIQUEUR MARSALA MARTINI MILK MINT JULEP NIGHTCA OUZO PERNOD PILSNER PUNCH RETSINA SANGRIA SCHNAPPS SCOTCH SHANDY SHERRY SODA, SPIRITS STOUT TEA TEQUILA TODDY TONIC VODKA, WATER WINE.

Graduate

Study

World

Second

Friend

Man

Plank Riddle

Press

Way

Market

Pour

Break

numerical In this puzzle, each letter represents a different number.

Can you work out what number (0-9) each letter stands for? The leftmost letter cannot be zero in any word.

Logic Puzzle WATER +WAVES +BOAT

......

=VESSEL

Sport The Courier

39

Monday 20 February 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport

Sport Editors: Colin Henrys, Harry Slavin and Rory Brigstock-Barron Online Sport Editors: Grace Harvey and Charlie Scott courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk

Double Derby Day: this Toon is big enough for the both of us University and City officials play down concerns over date clash reports Sports Editor Harry Slavin

Newcastle United and Newcastle University will be hoping for repeated scenes from last year’s triumphs while police will be hoping there will be similarly joyous atmosphere in town on Sunday 4 March Photography: Getty Images and Lindsay MacKenzie

Officials have moved to allay fears revolving around the safety of Newcastle City Centre playing host to two ferocious rivalries on the same day.

On Sunday 4 March, Newcastle University take on bitter rivals Northumbria to contest the annual Stan Calvert Cup, but on the same afternoon, Premier League side Newcastle United host their local counterparts Sunderland in the much anticipated Tyne-Wear derby.

Holding both events simultaneously has caused a number of observers to voice their concerns about the wellbeing of students and the possibility of clashes between football fans and Stan Calvert participants as both flock to the city centre in either celebration or despair.

There have been cases over the years in which students have found themselves in conflict with residents of the North East in the middle of town and, with hostilities usually heightened by derby day, many have been alerted to the possible problems an increased student presence could create.

Earlier in the season Northumbria police made 21 arrests in connection with the match at The Stadium of Light back in August. And, after the

Magpies 5-1 win last season, police had to make 37 arrests in the periods before, during and after the match.

While police will be expecting a number of disturbances caused by football fans going by past experiences, they will also be weary of the disorder students can cause as well. It was only two years ago that Newcastle and Northumbria students forced Bar 42 to close three hours early after Stan Calvert participants began vandalising and rioting inside the venue.

However, despite these previous incidents, those involved in the organisation are convinced that this year’s Stan Calvert events and celebrations will go off without a hitch. Newcastle City Centre Pubwatch Chairman and Sam Jacks owner Damian Conway confident that the centre will be “extremely safe”.

Conway also says he is satisfied by the football fixture being moved to a midday slot, stating that this puts “a river and five hours between fans and students” and he is pulling out all the stops to ensure that there is very little opportunity for fans and students to mix in the city centre. Suggesting that the likelihood of many supporters still stumbling around town on Sun-

day evening are minimal, the Utopian Leisure Group Marketing Manager is set to close Sam Jacks in the afternoon to eject football followers and prepare for Newcastle University students in the evening, stating that only persons in possession of NUS cards will be allowed into the venue.

Conway admits that the outcome of having both events staged on the same day isn’t desirable and the possibility of having them staged a week apart would be preferable. However this wish is more to do with the strain put on his business rather than the negligible dangers that students face, as a large police presence and state of the art CCTV systems draw Conway to the conclusion that he would be “surprised if there is any situation.”

The University officials involved with Stan Calvert, Performance Sports Manager Fraser Kennedy and AU officer Alice Holloway, share the views held by the Newcastle City Pubwatch Chairman. Kennedy stated that after meetings with the Chief Inspector of Northumbria Police, there are ‘no concerns’ held by Newcastle University with regards to the wellbeing of their students after Stan Calvert’s conclusion.

Kennedy did say that “a letter is due to be sent out to all students asking them to avoid the city centre between 12pm and 5pm” but he was quick to stress that this was normal University procedure and that the letter would have been sent out irrespective of when Stan Calvert was to be held. He also added that there were no fears from the police about fans mixing with students, as “the majority will be away from the city centre by the time the students go out.”

Union representative Holloway further quashed fears by making the stance of the AU perfectly clear, stating that they wished “all students to stay safe during Stan Calvert, but as kick-off for the football is early in the day at 12pm, they don’t foresee any trouble in town due to the clash.”

While safety is indisputably paramount for the University, they also have another problem to contend with as there is the possibility of a number of top athletes being torn between representing their University and attending one of the most mouth-watering ties the Barclays Premier League has to offer.

While both University spokespeople are aware that spectator numbers

may dwindle due to the clash, both are confident in the pride all athletes hold in their positions representing Team Newcastle maintaining that they would be astounded if any individual decides to let their team mates down.

Hollway said she “wasn’t worried about losing athletes on the day as I know how much the students enjoy competing”, exclaiming, “who could resist the offer of beating the Poly for a fifth consecutive year!”

Kennedy’s sentiments were of the same nature, pointing to the once in a lifetime aspect of representing the University, concluding “I have no fears athletes will pick going to this match over playing in Stan Calvert, you only get a few chances to take part, you can go to as many Tyne and Wear derbies as you want.”

Newcastle is primed for a feast of sport on the first Sunday in March and whatever occurs there are guaranteed to be a number of scuffles and brawls.

But officials and police are hoping that these conflicts are confined to the playing fields and as long as Newcastle United and Newcastle University fulfill their roles, it will be hugs rather than punches being exchanged in the Bigg Market.

40.sportfeature

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

Zambia making a song and dance of it

Upsets, wonder goals and play acting: Mike Fuller Looks back at the African Cup of Nations

Zambians jump for joy after surprise win over the Ivory Coast.

Photography: Getty Images

COMMENT

By Mike Fuller

from right-back Kily Alvarez, deep into added time, that ultimately got them through the group stage. The second, a remarkable piece of playacting from Narcisse Ekanga, who tried and failed to convince the referee he’d been fouled and subsequently injured, going as far as to get the stretcher involved.

Gabon also gave the home fans plenty to cheer about, unexpectedly topping Group C with three wins out of three thanks, in part, to the goals of Pierre Aubameyang, the former AC Milan trainee doing his reputation no harm. Their story ended at the same stage as their co-hosts, suf-

There’s something pleasantly refreshing about the African Cup of Nations.

This year’s competition was no exception with plenty of upsets, dramas and terrible pitches as underdogs Zambia triumphed over the Ivory Coast on penalties. Jointly hosted by Equatorial Guinea and Gabon, there were issues with low crowds but those that did turn out provided vibrant and passionate support.

Three nations were making their debut in the tournament; Equatorial Guinea received an automatic spot whilst Botswana and Niger had ousted higher ranked teams to win their qualification groups.

The latter two lost every game in the competition proper to finish bottom of their respective groups but the minnow co-hosts flew the flag for competition debutants and were outstanding, making the quarter finals.

Equatorial Guinea provided two particularly memorable moments, both worth finding on Youtube.

The first of these was a fantastic Drogba rues penalty miss 25-yard Getty Images strike

fering a heart-breaking loss to Mali on spot-kicks in the quarter finals.

Senegal were many people’s pick for the tournament after showing excellent form in qualification, but were undoubtedly the biggest disappointment. They suffered the same fate as Botswana and Niger and finished at the bottom of their group, to the delight of Newcastle United fans.

Cheick Diabate was the hero of the game nobody wants to play in, scoring the goals as Mali beat Ghana to earn third place, but this does not mean that the game wasn’t well contested. Mali succeeding in securing their highest ever finish and the celebrations after the final whistle showed how much it meant.

The final itself was tense and tight, the big moment coming midway through the second half when Gervinho was bundled over inside the box, before Ivory Coast captain and national icon Didier Drogba placed the resulting penalty high into the stands.

Extra time ensued, with

Zambian side dedicate their victory to the plane crash victims of ‘93 Photography: Getty Images

both sides missing chances to win it.

In the end it went to penalties. The first 14 spot kicks were scored; most were impeccably taken but Souleymane Bamba was let-off when his penalty was ordered to be retaken after Zambian goalie Mweene was judged to have come off his line.

By the 15th taker, the penalty spot was a mess and three consecutive misses gave Stoppila Sunzu the opportunity to be the hero. He slotted home to spark jubilant scenes in the stadium and in his home country as they sealed the title of champions of Africa for the first time.

Zambia’s story of glory is an uplifting one; the team dedicated their win to the 18 members of the national team

killed in a plane crash 19 years ago.

Whereas most of the tournament’s players ply their club trade outside of Africa, the majority of the Zambian squad play for domestic sides in their home country or in South Africa.

Captain Christopher Katongo was named player of the tournament but it was really a triumph for a strong team ethic.

Despite not becoming eventual Champions, the Ivory Coast can feel confident that they have consolidated their position as Africa’s best side. Remarkably they didn’t concede a goal throughout the tournament.

The Cup of Nations returns next year, as scheduling is being switched so as not to clash with a World Cup year. South Africa will be the hosts, with a great set-up in place after hosting football’s biggest prize in 2010.

The Courier

sportfeature.41

Monday 20 February 2012

Great sporting surprises: Upsetting the apple cart

Following Zambia’s incredible performance in the African Cup of Nations, The Courier looks at other odd-defying sporting feats GORAN IVANISEVIC

2001

GREECE

By Joshua Duffield

By Rory Brigstock-Barron

In the summer of 2001, Goran Ivanisevic won Wimbledon and in so doing became the lowest ranked player to ever win a Grand Slam. Despite having one of the best serves in the game, the Croat had previously struggled to win a major, often running into an imperious Pete Sampras at the business end of things. When he picked up a shoulder injury in 1999, it seemed his chance of glory had gone.

Goran’s injury struggles saw him slide to a ranking of 125 which meant that he required a wildcard to gain entry to the main draw for Wimbledon in 2001. He eased through the tournament and managed to overcome Tim Henman in five sets in the semi-final, a result which most British fans knew was never in doubt. In the final he defeated Pat Rafter in another epic match, 9-7 in the 5th set, to become the only wildcard entrant to win a Grand Slam to date. His story was so inspiring that it was echoed in the 2004 film Wimbledon, but the fact that Ivanisevic was able to win without the help of Kirsten Dunst made his achievement all the more remarkable.

NEW YORK GIANTS

2008

By George Matthew Two weeks ago, the New York Giants overcame the New England Patriots in one classic Super Bowl encounter.

However, it was the Giants’ victory four years previously in the same fixture that is considered by most to be the greatest Super Bowl upset of all time.

2001 Wimbledon Champ Ivenisevic on the hallowed turf. Photography: Getty Images

2004 saw one of sport’s greatest ever shocks as rank outsiders Greece somehow overcame Europe’s elite to win the UEFA European Championship.

The Grecians beat holders France in the quarter finals and hosts Portugal in the final to pull of a remarkable upset that nobody had foreseen.

Beginning with a more expansive passing style, the Greek gods battled their way to second place in a group containing Portugal, Spain and Russia, which they were arguably the least likely to qualify from.

In the knockout stages Greece were understandably more defensive but found an unstoppable formula against sides with far greater individual talent. Keeping it tight with their ageless goalkeeper, Antonios Nikopolidis, and the solid centre back pairing of Dellas and Kapsis, Otto Rehhagel’s men won all three of their knockout games 1-0, with all the goals coming from almost identical set pieces.

Given odds as long as 250-1 by some bookies, Greece’s feat has to go down as one of the most remarkable sporting upsets.

Labelled one of the greatest teams in NFL history, the Patriots boasted a number of star players, including quarterback great Tom Brady and wide receiver Randy Moss. Comparatively, the Giants were lumbered with Eli Manning: the underachieving younger brother of Super Bowl MVP Peyton Manning.

The statistics - and the Americans love statistics - illustrated the gulf between the two sides. Previously, the Giants had not won a playoff game in seven years. The Patriots were unde-

feated. Finally, the Giants had just one player selected for the ‘Pro Bowl’ (the fewest a Super Bowl team had ever had).

The match was scrappy. But with the Giants trailing 10-14, Manning lofted a perfect pass for receiver Plaxico Burress to score the winning touchdown with 35 seconds remaining. The Giants’ defence held firm to complete the greatest upset in Super Bowl history. Manning, now out of his brother’s shadow, was named MVP and went on to lead the Giants to glory once

Back of the net Video of the week

Testing times

The poignant celebrations that followed Zambia’s dramatic penalty win, a joy to behold.

Spot the ball B

C

D

E

F

G

1 2 3 4 5 6

Send the correct coordinates of the ball to courier.sport@ncl. ac.uk to enter a draw to win a £5 Mens Bar voucher.

Result from issue 1243, G5 (no winner), issue 1244, G (on winner)

1.) Which player has scored the most overall goals in African Cup of Nations Finals Tournaments?

2.) How many past & present Football League clubs have had an “X” in their name?

3.) Which was the only FIFA World Cup Finals Tournament that failed to produce a single hat-trick?

4.) Who holds the record for the most tries in a single Super League season?

5.) Which three Spanish footballers have won Premier League Winners’ Medals?

1)Samuel Eto’o, 2) 5, Crewe Alexandra, Exeter City, Halifax Town, Oxford United and Wrexham; 3) Germany 2006; 4) Lesley Vainikolo; 5) José Antonio Reyes (Arsenal 2003-04), Asier del Horno (Chelsea 2005-06) & Gerard Piqué (Manchester United 2007-08)

Zambian team celebrate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lb1TQkIXX_c

A

2004 BUSTER DOUGLAS

This week in sport

University Sport: 21 Feb 1985: Newcastle Netball Seconds “not content with playing other University second teams” hand a 28-18 thrashing to Leeds Firsts.

Intra Mural: 23 Feb 1973: 117 goals scored in 16 Intra-Mural games across the divisions including a 7-4 victory for Newcastle College over History.

World: 20 Feb 1976: Muhammad Ali KOs Jan Pierre Coopman in 5 for the heavyweight boxing title.

1990

By James Docherty In the mid 1980s, the ‘Baddest Man on the Planet’ cut through the boxing world like a chainsaw through a sapling. Mike Tyson had mauled his way through every top boxer in the heavyweight division, holding the World Championship undisputed for two and a half years prior to what should have been a routine victory over a journeyman opponent. However, noone counted on James “Buster” Douglas to deliver what is still regarded as one of the great boxing upsets.

Contrary to most of Tyson’s opponents, Douglas went on the offensive and used his telling reach advantage

to keep his distance and prevent Tyson building up the flurry of punches that had devastated fighters such as Michael Spinks and Frank Bruno. As the tenth round began, the precision jabs from Douglas had done their damage and allowed him inside Tyson’s guard to deliver a devastating combination that put him on the canvas for the first time in his career. He failed to beat the count, making Douglas one of the most unlikely undisputed World Champions ever.

Sadly for Douglas, the similarities with Rocky ended here. He lost the first defence of his titles against an in-form Evander Holyfield and never held a world title again. Tyson attempted to rebuild his career but found himself jailed in 1992, taking away many of his best years.

the youngest to do so) came through two qualifying rounds to reach the tournament and overcame former

By Joshua Duffield champions John Higgins, Steve Davis and Peter Ebdon on his way to the final. Matthew Stevens provided the opposition in the tournament’s Shaun Murphy is a household name climax and in a close match in the world of snooker, having held Murphy beat the Welshman a place in the top 10 of the world and former Masters and rankings for the past six years, acUK winner 18-16 to cumulating over £1m in earnings conclude a series of throughout his 15-year profesupsets which were sional career. as unlikely as they The man who turns 30 this year were spectacular. still retains the baby-faced smile A previous unwhich first accomknown, Murphy has panied his meteoric remained a constant figrise during the 2005 ure in the upper echelons World Championship. of the world rankings but Entering the tournament he is yet to rediscover the the 22 year old from scintillating form of eight Harlow was priced at a A young years ago when he oblitlengthy 150-1 to claim Shaun erated opponents with his the prize and had never Murphy Getty Imbrand of fearless, attacking won a match at the Crucible. snooker.

Murphy, who turned pro at the ages age of 15 (and at that time was

SHAUN MURPHY

2005

Tweet of the week -@chris_kammy

Ever the eager tweeter, Chris Kamara takes a jab at returning Manchester City midfielder on his British television comeback, perhaps a little uncalled for but we still love you Kammy :

“Carlos Tevez looking good on Sky Sports News, he obviously ignored me when I told him to go to the same plastic surgeon as me ha ha”

Birthday Week 20 Feb 1971: Jari Litmanen Finland’s all time leading goal scorer over four decades and former Ajax, Liverpool and Barcelona striker turns 41 this Tuesday.

23 Feb 1981: Gareth Barry One of Manchester City’s most underrated performers of this season, the former Aston Villa captain will be 31 on Thursday.

24 Feb 1977: Floyd Mayweather Jr. Arguably the pound-for-pound best boxer on the planet, always outspoken Floyd ‘Money’ Mayweather turns 35 this Friday.

26 Feb 1973: Ole Gunnar Solskjær Perhaps the greatest ever substitute and scorer of one of the most dramatic Champions League goals of all time, the Norwegian ‘Baby Faced Assassin’ turns 39 on Sunday.

42.sportintramural

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

Points but no prizes Medics still in for relegation duo INTRA MURAL FOOTBALL DIVISION ONE (WEDS) Dyslexic Untied

INTRA MURAL FOOTBALL DIVISION TWO (WEDS) Newhist FC

2

Ar U Shavin A Laugh

2

Walton 54,56

Wimshurst 71,73

By Colin Henrys at CLOSE HOUSE

Thornton

Northcott

Henrys Robinson

Murphy

Krumins

Broadbent

Logan

Gallagher

Drysdale Walton

Harrington

Windebank

Wimshurst

Naughton

Parkinson Iwanyckyj

Mundy-Gill Mould

Arnold

Monaghan

Mathers

In a relegation six-pointer at Close House, Ar U Shavin A Laugh came from two goals down to earn a welldeserved 2-2 draw with Newhist FC. With both teams aware that defeat would all but guarantee relegation, the first half proved to be a cautious affair, and barring a Martin Windebank penalty which hit the outside

of the post and went wide, very few chances were created.

The introduction of Ray Crisp at half-time for Newhist changed the whole game, however, as his two fantastic crosses from the left-wing allowed striker Josh Walton to put his side 2-0 up, only for Jake Wimshurst to score two of his own to earn Shavin a point.

After welcoming Ben Drysdale back to the midfield for his first match since October and with commanding centre-back Rowan Northcott’s return, Newhist looked more assured defensively than they have done for some time. Nevertheless, with wingers Bryn Iwanyckyj and Windebank making some useful runs from deep, Shavin created the better of the early chances and will feel that they should have taken an early lead after two oneon-one opportunities were blazed over the bar.

At the other end, right-winger Jacob Murphy was causing the Shavin defence all sorts of trouble with his winding runs but clear-cut Newhist chances were at a premium and they were lucky not to go behind when goalkeeper James Thornton was judged to have brought down Shavin’s striker in the penalty area.

It was a decision that could have gone either way, but it was Newhist who were furious at the decision to award the penalty, clearly feeling that after winning the ball first, Thornton should not have been penalised. As it was, Windebank - who scored from the spot in the previous fixture between these two sides - put his penalty wide.

Although the more threatening of the two teams, Shavin couldn’t break the deadlock and so went in at halftime level at 0-0.

With Patrick Gallagher suffering

after a fierce tackle from behind that went unpunished, Newhist replaced him with Crisp at the interval and it was the introduction of the pacy winger that brought them their two goals.

First, he received a ball from leftback John Logan and crossed to Walton, unmarked in the area, who put Newhist 1-0 up. One soon became two, when Northcott picked out Crisp who located Walton again with a long ball into the box. The goalkeeper hesitated and the big striker beat him to the ball, doubling their lead.

Sitting back on their lead was always going to be a dangerous tactic, however, and Shavin soon made them pay when Northcott committed a silly foul in the area. This time Wimshurst stepped up and casually placed the ball straight down the middle.

Just moments later, Shavin were level after Wimshurst lobbed Thornton from 25 yards, and all of a sudden they were in the ascendency. The striker attempted to secure his hattrick by repeating his lob, but Thornton held his long-range effort, and the keeper was on hand to save Newhist again when Windebank got in behind the defence but couldn’t beat the keeper with his shot across him.

Newhist could have won the game themselves when Crisp broke with the ball but he put his cross behind Walton as the striker found space in the middle. The final whistle sounded shortly afterwards to confirm a 2-2 draw.

In truth, the result suited neither team who are starting to face up to relegation now. However, after some awful results for both sides recently, the point was at least a welcome relief for them and leaves both with an outside chance of defeating the odds and staying up.

0

Newcastle Medics 1sts 1 Edwards 59

By Simon Schofield at LONGBENTON 3G

Fletcher

Forster

Smith

Windle Davidson

Zikmund Schofield

Jackson

Robson

da Silva

Wheelhouse

McKee

English

Edwards

J. Davison Anderson

Leylabi Fretwell

Emms

Durkin Emmerson Styles

With both teams saving their best stuff for the floodlit 3G this was always going to be tight affair in a late afternoon kick-off. Both teams controlled periods of the game with some of the highest quality intra-mural football seen this season making this by no means a stale, scrappy 1-0 affair.

It took a moment of sheer brilliance from the man of the moment Dave Edwards to magic up another win for a tentative Medics side.

Both teams started brightly with Edwards and cohort Leylabi being the first to test Dyslexic keeper Nathan

‘Fletch’ early on with efforts from distance. The game ebbed and flowed with an emerging pattern of sustained pressure for either team.

Untied had carved out the best opportunity midway through the first half when good link up play between Simon Schofield and Ben Wheelhouse allowed Dom Robson to play Schofield through on goal only to see his effort curl round the post. It was to be the story of Schofield’s afternoon as a resolute Untied kept swathes of Medic chances to a minimum.

The impassable ‘Torres’ Windle put in a captain’s performance at centrehalf and is hoping to put his injury

Five star Hurricanes rediscover goalscoring touch INTRA MURAL FOOTBALL DIVISION TWO (WEDS) The Hurricanes

5

Lokomotiv

1

Duckworth 5,12, 74 McCrory 20 Slavin 81

Bowman 48

By Harry Slavin at CLOSE HOUSE A resurgent Hurricanes team swept aside Lokomotiv to ease their relegation fears in their second division clash at Close House on Wednesday afternoon. The result puts the brakes on Lokomotiv’s promotion push, while Hurricanes were able to lay their demons of the reverse fixture earlier in the season to rest. The season’s earlier fixture had seen The Hurricanes start strong before being pegged back four goals to share the points in a ten goal thriller and it was the Blues who started strongest once again.

Chris McCrory had already threatened the Loko’ goal before the deadlock was broken after just five minutes. Neat play down the right hand

side created space for Chris Adams to swing in a deep cross and Adam Duckworth rose highest to head his side in front.

The Hurricanes pressure didn’t relent and they soon found their way past the ‘keeper again, this time in spectacular fashion. A cross into the box from Joe Moffat was cleared out to the edge of the area where Duckworth was lurking and as the ball dropped the striker unleashed an unstoppable volley into the roof of the net.

Still stunned by Duckworth’s strike, Hurricanes moved to capitalise further on their opponents’ dazed state and they soon found themselves three goals to the good, Duckworth again at the centre of the action. A ball through the middle from James Butler found Duckworth surging into the box and his cut back from the by-line was forced home by a combination of Lokomotiv’s centre half and Chris McCrory.

It took the third goal to wake Loko’ from their slumber, and they should have pulled back at least one goal before the break but Hurricanes’ goalkeeper Will Hollis refused to give up his clean sheet with a couple of sensational stops. The first came from

Lokomotiv’s first meaningful foray into the Hurricanes’ half, Hollis acrobatically tipping over a header from point-blank range to the applause of most of the pitch. But better was still to come.

From the resulting corner, the referee spotted a handball from Hurricanes centre-back Ben Mile and awarded Lokomotiv the perfect opportunity to edge their way back into the match.

Hollis, however, was determined to prove that the earlier save wasn’t just a fluke and his reactions got the better of a Scot Bowman spot kick, tipping the ball round the post for another corner

HARRY DAWSON The Hurricanes central defender came off the bench in the second half to sure up the defence, his presence composing the back four.

and ensuring Hurricanes’ three goal cushion was still intact at the break.

As The Hurricanes know only too well this season though, football is a game of two halves and the Blues were

greeted with unwanted déjà vu at the beginning of the second half as Lokomotiv looked to put into motion another unlikely comeback.

Barely three minutes had passed at the beginning of the second half when a floated ball over the top found Scot Bowman, who brought the ball down before firing low into the far corner; ‘keeper Hollis was left with no chance.

The goal seem to strike fear into The Hurricanes as their play became disjointed and panic-stricken; the prospect of surrendering another comfortable lead crossed every player’s mind.

This forced captain Nick Gibby into two quick substitutions as Harry Dawson came on to sure up the defence and out-of-favour Harry Slavin was called upon to give his side further attacking options.

The two replacements had the desired effect as The Hurricanes eventually mopped up the Lokomotiv pressure and began to rediscover the attacking edge which saw them carve their opponents open in the opening stages.

Adam Duckworth was allowed to complete his hat-trick after losing his marker to meet Andy Thomas’s right wing centre, sending his header in via

the post. A few moments later, Slavin completed the rout, the winger making room for himself just inside the area before drilling the ball into the far corner to seal the emphatic victory.

Hollis

Adams

Moffat

Laurence

Mile

Gibby

Butler

McCrory

Duckworth

Smedley

Thomas

Bishop

Bowman

Robinson

Ellwood

Lane

Foster

Smith

Bamford

Clark

Muress

Peel

The Courier

intramuralsport.43

Monday 20 February 2012

title hunt after Edwards strike Medics 1sts made it two wins out of two at Longbenton thanks to Dave Edwards wonder goal.

Photography: Yordanka Georgiev

worries behind him. Joel English’s direct play continued to cause problems for the Dyslexic back line but with many of his crosses failing to find the claret of a Medic, the opportunities went unconverted. Dyslexic were denied a debatable penalty decision when a scathing Andrew Fretwell tackle took down Dave Zikmund but was deemed just outside the box setting the tone of nearly misses.

The tempo didn’t die down after the break with more space afforded to both sets of midfielders as the ball was zipped across the surface with consummate ease. In situations like this it takes just one goal to take home

the spoils. Edwards picked the ball up from an impressive Josh Davison midway through Dyslexic’s half and after taking a few touches past the oncoming midfielder unleashed a sledgehammer of a shot into the top right corner past the outstretched hand of Untied’s keeper Fletch from the best part of thirty yards.

The goal was a huge blow for Dyslexic who have been on the receiving end of several wonder goals this season. It took a good ten minutes for the trailing side to calm down with a smart stop from Fletch at close range to prevent the deficit increasing after initially being rounded by English.

After dusting themselves off Dyslexic charged forward with rightback Adam Forster setting up Schofield with a lobbed pass who ghosted past stagnant centre-halves Jonny Emms and Durkin only for his effort to be blocked by Leylabi. Forster then found his header cleared off the line before a quick chipped free-kick played Robson in and needed a solid block from Medic’s keeper Styles. The rebound found Jamie Hudson who cleverly dinked the ball to the far post only for the ball to be cleared off the line by Emms for the second time.

There was still time for an Edwards header to clatter Untied’s cross-bar

to cap off a huge three points for the Medics.

Even though this Medics side are far from the free-scoring, all-conquering sides of recent memory they can always rely on the special talent of the likes of Edwards to produce something from nothing. You’d be hard pressed to find a Newcastle University midfielder at this moment in time with as much in his locker as the match winner today. As for Dyslexic, they’ll bounce back from this heartening display with a quarter-final to look forward to in the Wednesday Cup, their only hope of silverware this season.

INTRA MURAL FOOTBALL DIVISION ONE (WEDS)

utes.

It was Crayola, however, that looked the most likely to make something happen, as chances from Sam Turner and Joleon Sayer forced the Leazes keeper into making some fine saves.

Crayola were forced to rue their missed chances though, as a long ball was dispatched over the Crayola defence, which was taken wide by Alex Jones, who beat the keeper and slotted the ball home at a difficult angle.

The goal injected some much needed confidence into Castle Leazes, who seemed much more accomplished on the ball after taking the advantage.

Play was generally restricted to midfield, however as both teams were nervous about conceding, the only player looking like making something happen being Crayola’s Sam Turner, who dominated midfield all game.

Castle Leazes had a few half chances through Ali Dacey, and a free kick from Dan Jones could have doubled the score if it had been just a little lower, but neither team had much of a sniff at goal and went into half time with Leazes 1-0 up.

The second half started as the first had finished, with very little in the

way of chances and a midfield battle that was becoming more heated, with number of free kicks starting to add up. Castle Leazes were awarded a free kick on the edge of the box, with Ali Dacey firing just wide of the mark.

With Crayola pushing more and more for the win, space was being left for Leazes which they were beginning to exploit. Aaron Green was given the ball in midfield, and proceeded to thread a beautiful through ball to Alex Jones who forced a great save from keeper Ben Storey to keep the score at 1-0.

Things proceeded to get slightly heated as keeper Storey and Leazes striker Fergus O’Callaghan became embroiled in a heated confrontation.

It was O’Callaghan who had the last laugh however, as he took the ball past two Crayola players before smashing a shot that Storey could only parry into his own net, putting the game beyond all doubt.

This fractious affair could prove to be the deciding factor over who beats the drop this season, and Leazes will be delighted that they managed to grind out a win in a somewhat unattractive game of football. Crayola will

be left ruing their missed chances, with questions having to be answered very quickly if they are to avoid the drop.

Leazes secure first victory of season Castle Leazes

2

Crayola

0

Jones 28 O’Callaghan 63

By Owen Evans at COCHRANE PARK In a potentially pivotal bottom of the table clash, Castle Leazes upset the odds with a 2-0 win over Crayola at Cochrane Park on Wednesday.

The first win of the season for bottom placed Leazes puts them two points behind Crayola with a crucial game in hand and just three games of the campaign left to play.

The match started slightly after the scheduled kickoff as Crayola sauntered to the pitch late due to Tom Womersley polishing his new personalised boots. When things finally began, it was not the explosive start that was hoped for, and instead remained a tentative affair for a number of min-

Cook

Levrant

Jones

Mulhall

Parker Knowles

Hyndman Dacey

Baker Jones

O’Callaghan

S Storey

Womersley

Sayer

D Wright

Bexon

Priests

Moat

McMillan

Campbell-Linn Turner Storey

The Secret Intra Mural Footballernt

ta s i s s A er g a n Ma

#11 Valentine’s Day, Intra Mural D-Day and Sammy Ameobi

Intra Mural managers and players alike were thanking the Gregorian calendar for throwing up Valentine’s Day on a Tuesday this year, and in doing so avoiding potential heartbreak for girlfriend’s who inevitably would have been cast aside should the muchmaligned ‘holiday’ have fallen on a Saturday or Wednesday.

The weather has disrupted fixtures over the last couple of weeks, and having not been in contact with many of the players during that period, it has been difficult to reiterate the perilous nature of our position as we teeter on the brink of relegation.

Even the manager, normally so reliable when it comes to anything to do with football, has often been dragged away from discussions on how to approach our remaining two games by trips to his recently-acquired girlfriend’s, or untimely Skype conversations with his mum…

In all fairness, hats off to Julie, my mum doesn’t even know how to text properly. At New Years she sent me the following; ‘Happy New Year Mum and Dad x’, so I just copy and pasted it back to her.

Sadly, the team hasn’t had the opportunity for any team-bonding sessions during the enforced two weeks off. There’s been no singing, wearing bin-liners, or getting inappropriately drunk like there was before Christmas. Earlier in the season we were inseparable, especially following our [only] two wins of the season. Yet now, when we need each other most, the only time we see one another is on matchdays.

Some players have resorted to darker activities to fill the void left by the lack of playing time. One player declared his undying love for Aspers in a recent Facebook status, while another has been wooing members of the opposite sex (and Sammy Ameobi) in some of Newcastle’s most notorious nightclubs.

The weather has turned now, and it will be surprising if any of the remaining games are called off from here until Easter. The gambling and the philandering need to stop. They can both wait. At least until we’ve guaranteed the club’s survival for another year.

So far, our club’s existence has been riddled by a struggle to match our potential. It is about time we started to write a new history.

44.sportintramural INTRA MURAL IN BRIEF

Cup magic for Fairies at Cochrane

Improved CHS girls suffer narrow defeat to Uni Hockey INTRA MURAL RUGBY NETBALL

By Sarah Addison In the 4-5pm league, both Agrics B and Biology Netball failed to produce a team this week giving Mansoc and Net Assets easy 15-0 wins, thus securing their second and third place league positions respectively.

In other matches, RRE failed to score any goals against a determined Leazes Ladies team who beat them 21-0.

However, the most exciting match was between top of the league Uni Hockey and sixth place CHS. Uni Hockey, confidence blazing, expected an easy match against CHS who have been struggling all season, but they were left with shocked faces as CHS raised their game, resulting in a 4-4 scoreboard at half time with everything to play for. In the second half, CHS crept into an early lead but Uni Hockey pulled out all the stops and were able to produce a last minute comeback to beat the Combined Honours girls 13-12.

In the later league, the History Girls failed again this week to get any points on the board after a staggering 16-3 defeat to leaders Netball Ninjas.

In a fight for third place, Polly’s Dollies played CHS who fell to pieces in the second half, giving the Dollies an easy 20-7 victory, which leaves CHS in fourth place.

Finally, Agrics were able to keep Chem Eng trailing in fifth place position after they beat the girls 13-6.

WEDNESDAY FOOTBALL

In the biggest match of the season so far, Division One table-toppers Barca Law Na mounted an astonishing comeback to draw 4-4 with second placed Henderson Hall at Close House.

Despite Josh Cryer making a goalscoring return to the Lawyers team with a first-half penalty, a brace from Ben Hooper and one each from Matty Allsop and Liam McAllister had put Hendo 4-1 up at the interval.

However, if the Tangerines felt that it was game over at this point they were to be proved wrong as Barca, inspired by man of the match Dan Allinson, turned the match around in the second-half. Within six minutes of the restart they had pulled two goals back through league top scorer Jamie Hurworth, and they completed their remarkable comeback with an 87th minute equaliser from David Rawlings.

Elsewhere, Politic Thistle became the first team to hit double figures in a league match this season when they beat Combined Honours 11-0 at Redhall Drive.

Joe Greenwood opened the scoring with an impressive side-footed volley into the top right corner. Two hatricks followed from the ever fruitful striking partnership of Ollie Thornton and league top scorer James Dunn.

Captain Nick Graham added two more to the tally, including a powerful drive from the edge of the penalty area into the roof of the net, before new signing Tris proved to be a useful addition to the team by scoring two second-half goals.

The defeat means that Combined Honours are now bottom of the league as Newcastle Dynamos continued their incredible turnaround with a third consecutive win to move off the bottom of the league table for the first time this season.

The Courier

Monday 20 February 2012

CUP FIRST ROUND Larrikins Southern Fairies

dead ball area, with the conversion successfully added from out wide.

The Larrikins momentum was dealt a real blow a few minutes later, as an interception try was scored with an impressive half the length of the pitch run from the Fairies inside centre.

With several Larrikins closing in for the tackle, it was pace and determination that proved crucial in the race to the line.

Although against the run of play, the Larrikins found themselves 14 points down with 10 minutes remaining in the first half and a late siege of pressure was successfully closed out by a valiant Fairies defence. Once again forced passes and wrong decisions in vital areas of the pitch was Larrikins’ downfall.

The wind began to pick up in the second half, giving way to a more disjointed half of rugby, inundated with an abundance of kicking. Once again it was Larrikins’ mistakes that proved costly, as the momentum was not firmly with the Fairies, who now had victory in sight.

Aggression was running high on both sides, as the more rotund members of each side found themselves in an off the pitch fight, although no

0 19

By Patrick Reade at COCHRANE PARK A calm afternoon at Cochrane Park gave way for a well contested and physical encounter between two sides, both hoping to enjoy a successful run in the Intra Mural cup.

A superb Larrikins victory earlier in the season meant confidence was high throughout the squad, with the Fairies keen to avenge the 33-10 pummelling in the early stages of the season.

The first twenty minutes of the game belonged to the Larrikins, with tireless forward work providing a solid platform for some good running rugby, and tactical kicking. Good support play accompanied this running rugby although the final pass was lacking, with forced passes and knock-ons resulting in a failure to capitalise on the first half territory.

This proved to be decisive as Fairies scored a try following a charge down from a kick inside the Larrikins

Muhammad Ali-style punches were landed. Following the handbags, the game’s intensity rose, with both sides flying into tackles and rucks, disrupting ball and removing any chance of any real structured rugby.

Yet again it was the Fairies who found the breakthrough, with the inside centre picking up a stray ball and running down the blind side of the pitch, leaving a simple two on one which resulted in the winger crashing over in the corner.

With minutes left on the watch Larrikin heads were down, as a real sense of disappointment and frustration at their own performance became evident.

The game could have gone either way had the early possession been capitalised upon by the Larrikins, yet full credit must be given to the Fairies, who took their chances when they came, and remained solid in defence, reflected by the score line.

For the Larrikins, a disappointing end to a mixed season with many impressive performances but equally poor ones. Notable performances came from flanker Seb Trower and Andy Rigby, although the difference between the two sides was the Fairies

12th man.

The magic of the cup shone through, as the victory sets up and tantalising second round fixture for the Fairies with Agric 1s, who will be well rested having obtained a first round bye.

ROUND-UP In the other Cup First Round match to take place, Armstrong continued their dominant start to the season by comfortably beating bottom of the league Medics 50-7. However, it was not a good week for Armstrong as they discovered that their league match from Wednesday 1 February has been handed to Southern Fairies after Armstrong could not field a team.

It had initially been believed that the match would be rearranged but Fairies opted for the walkover instead. As a result, Armstrong’s match with the unbeaten reigning champions Titans will be a winner-takes-all title decider.

At the bottom of the league, New Uni Freshers have apologised as they had to drop out of the league due to commitments to BUCS, leading to their results so far being expunged.

League Tables

Wednesday 11-a-side Football Division 1 1

Division 3

Division 2

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Barca Law Na

9

7

1

1

40

9

22

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Newcastle Medics 2nds

9

8

1

0

31

6

25

1

Roman Villa FC

10

10

0

0

39

4

30

2

Boroussia Forsyth

9

7

0

2

25

14

21

2

Politic Thistle

9

7

0

2

33

16

21

3

Lokomotiv

9

6

1

2

42

26

19

3

Shakhtar FC

11

5

1

5

17

16

16

4

Ecosoccer

10

6

0

4

40

28

18

4

Brown Magic FC

9

3

1

5

25

20

10

5

The Hurricanes

9

4

1

4

30

25

13

5

Jesmondino FC

9

3

0

6

16

23

9

6

Boca Seniors

11

3

0

8

29

35

9

6

NCL Galacticos

8

3

0

5

15

24

9

2

Henderson Hall

10

7

1

2

37

22

22

3

Newcastle Medics 1sts

7

4

2

1

20

9

14

4

Dyslexic Untied

8

3

1

4

18

19

10

5

Crayola

9

3

0

6

12

17

9

7

Newhist FC

10

1

2

7

15

41

5

7

Newcastle Dynamos

10

3

0

7

20

39

9

6

Aftermath

9

2

0

7

9

38

6

8

Ar U Shavin A Laugh

11

1

1

9

17

54

4

8

Combined Honours

10

3

0

7

13

33

9

7

Castle Leazes

8

1

1

6

10

32

4

Top Goalscorers

8: Liam McAllister (Hendo) 8: Daniel Rech (Crayola) 8: Dom Robson (Dyslexic)

13: Jamie Hurworth (Barca) 9: Chris McKee (Barca)

Barca Law Na Henderson Hall

4 4

Crayola Castle Leazes

0 2

12: Zack Goddard (Ecosoccer) 11: Adam Duckworth (H’anes) 10: Archie Norman (Forsyth)

13: Jake Wimshurst (Shavin) 12: Josh Batham (Ecosoccer)

0 Dyslexic Untied Newcastle Medics 1sts 1

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Armstrong

7

6

0

1

290

40

31

2

Titans

7

7

0

0

219

43

30

3

Agrics 1

8

5

1

2

161

104

25

8: Rob Grady (Roman Villa) 8: Ollie Griffiths (Roman Villa) 8: Tom Islip (Roman Villa)

15: James Dunn (P Thistle) 8: Lewis Cockerill (B Magic)

4 1

Newhist FC Ar U Shavin A Laugh

2 2

Brown Magic Shakhtar FC

L L

Politic Thistle Combined Honours

11 0

Newcastle Medics 2nds Boca Seniors

2 0

The Hurricanes Lokomotiv

5 1

Jesmondino Newcastle Dynamos

2 3

Roman Villa NCL Galacticos

3 0

4pm-5pm

Division 1

Top Goalscorers

Boroussia Forsyth Ecosoccer

Netball

Rugby Union 1

Top Goalscorers

Mixed Hockey Group A

1

Uni Hockey

Intra Mural W D L F A <<<<>>> round-up 10 8 0 2 156 69

2

Mansoc

10

7

1

2

112

66

30

2

Larrikins

5

3

0

2

20

5

9

3

Net Assets

10

7

0

3

133

93

28

3

Oral Specialists

5

3

0

2

12

6

9

4

Leazes Ladies

10

6

0

4

100

90

24

4

BioSci Hockey Legends

5

3

0

2

12

6

9

Team

Pld

Pts

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

32

1

Agrics

4

4

0

0

10

2

12

4

Southern Fairies

8

4

0

4

185

117

22

5

Larrikins

8

4

0

4

118

134

18

5

Biology Netball

10

5

2

3

93

99

24

5

Pink Panthers

5

3

0

2

7

16

9

6

Engines

6

3

0

3

76

97

14

6

CHS

10

3

1

6

85

108

14

6

Law School

5

2

0

3

5

12

6

7

Cheeky Ladies

7

2

1

4

109

157

14

7

Agrics B

10

1

2

7

71

123

8

7

MLS

4

1

0

3

4

10

3

8

Agrics 2

7

1

0

6

21

261

4

8

RRE

10

0

0

10

19

154

0

8

NUTS

5

0

0

5

3

16

0

9

Medics

8

0

0

8

46

272

1

Fixtures - Sunday 26 February

Cup Round One Larrikins Southern Fairies

0 19

Armstrong Medics

50 7

Wednesday’s Intra Mural Fixtures Football Div One: Div Two:

Div Three:

Barca Law Na vs Medics 1sts (Longbenton 3G, 3.45pm) Dyslexic Untied vs Aftermath (Cochrane Park 2, 2pm) Henderson Hall vs Crayola (Cochrane Park 3, 2pm) Boca Seniors vs Hurricanes (Close House 1, 2pm) B’ssia Forsyth vs Newhist FC (Close House 3, 2pm) Lokomotiv vs Ar U Shavin (Close House 5, 2pm) Medcs 2nds vs Ecosoccer (Longbenton 2, 2pm) Combined Hons vs Shakhtar FC (Close House 4, 2pm) Jesmondino vs P’tic Thistle (Redhall Drive 5, 2pm) New. Dynamos vs Galacticos (Longbenton 3G, 8pm) Roman Villa vs Brown Magic (Redhall Drive 4, 2pm)

Rugby Union Cup Q-F: Agrrics 2 vs Cheeky Ladies (Close House, 2.15pm) Engines vs Titans (Close House, 2.15pm) Southern Fairies vs Agrics 1 (Cochrane Park, 2.15pm)

Agrics B Mansoc

0 15

Leazes Ladies RRE

21 0

CHS Uni Hockey

12 13

Net Assets Biology Netball

15 0

5pm-6pm Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Netball Ninjas

9

9

0

0

137

54

36

2

Agrics

8

7

0

1

141

39

28

3

Polly’s Dollies

8

5

0

3

100

82

20

4

CHS

9

4

0

5

95

110

16

5

Chem Eng

9

3

0

6

63

96

12

6

NUSSC

8

2

0

6

39

93

8

7

The History Girls

9

0

0

9

26

127

0

Chem Eng Agrics

6 13

CHS Polly’s Dollies

7 20

Netball Ninjas The History Girls

16 3

Pink Panthers

vs

MLS

Longbenton Artificial - 09:30

Group B Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Toon Raiders

3

3

0

0

11

0

9

2

The Gunners

4

2

1

1

5

3

7

3

Green Sticks

3

1

2

0

6

2

5

4

NUSSC

4

1

2

1

2

5

5

5

Black Panthers

3

1

1

1

3

4

4

6

Mojoholics

2

0

0

2

1

4

0

7

Combined Honours

3

0

0

3

2

12

0

Fixtures - Sunday 26 February Black Panthers vs Green Sticks vs Combined Honours vs

Toon Raiders Longbenton Artificial - 10:30 Mojoholics Longbenton Artificial - 11.30 NUSSC Longbenton Artificial - 12.30

The Courier

BUCSsport.45

Monday 20 February 2012

Sheffield undone by Underwood MEN’S HOCKEY Newcastle 1sts Sheffield 1sts

3 2

By John Colville at LONGBENTON Following a two week break forced on Newcastle as a result of the cold weather, the Royals were back in action in 1A against a tough Sheffield side in a top-of-the-table clash on a mild day at Longbenton.

Having drawn in the previous meeting when the sides met in Sheffield, Newcastle knew that they would have to be on their game if they were to maintain their unbeaten run. Sheffield, although having played a game more, had gotten to the top of the league on their own merit after beating Manchester and recently drawing with Leeds.

The opening exchanges were close with neither side managing to gain the advantage in the first ten minutes. The Royals were facing a side that had come to Newcastle with very clear tactics, to sit off and try to make use of the counter attack. This frustrated Newcastle, who struggled to get into their game as they would have liked with the pitch closed off with all Sheffield’s players behind the half way line.

In truth, Newcastle were misfiring, dangerously giving away possession with uncharacteristically sloppy passing. They were made to pay for this slow start on 15 minutes after a turnover of possession saw Sheffield break in number, scoring from the resulting short corner with a well

worked routine back to the injector.

Just five minutes later, Newcastle were to go two down again, being overrun by yet another Sheffield counter attack.

Faced with a challenge, Newcastle began the fight back. Pushing half backs up-high, the Royals aggressively tried to get back into the game, Calum Mackenzie setting the tone with a committed performance.

They had their chances and thanks to some good goalkeeping were kept at bay. The goal came 5 minutes before the interval when an attacking short corner broke down on a sticky pitch only for man of the match Max Underwood to calmly strike the ball low into the right corner.

In the second half, following some choice words, Newcastle came out a different side. The tempo was raised and they started to command the game, enjoying a period of considerable pressure on the Sheffield goal. A short corner was tactically won by vice captain Hector Hall and once again Underwood was on hand to bring the Royals level with a pinpoint drag-flick into the bottom left of the goal.

Newcastle were helped in the second half by Sheffield indiscipline, with two Sheffield players spending time on the side lines for bad tackling to break up the Newcastle attacks, resulting in Ben Underwood breaking his finger. No doubt fresher Harry Kempe breathed a sigh of relief that it was not him who suffered this fate.

The game fell into some finely balanced play. Newcastle pushing hard for the win left them susceptible to Sheffield counter attacks which forced the Royals to work hard in order to

BUCS IN BRIEF Narrow loss WOMEN’S FOOTBALL

Newcastle’s women’s football firsts topped their 9-0 victory over Sheffield seconds with a double figure defeat of Leeds 2nds last Wednesday at Longbenton.

WOMEN’S BASKETBALL The lethargy of a five hour bus journey was evident in a sluggish start for a usually on the ball NUWBC against MMU Cheshire The top of the table side, although holding the majority of possession, failed to hit their targets early on.

However, they reawakened after the second quarter to win the game 55-71.

Sharing the division lead with Leeds University, although ahead on a 46 point goal difference the Knights need to win their last two fixtures to own top spot.

They are currently through to the semi finals of the Trophy versus Birmingham after beating Manchester, Stirling and Glasgow, the furthest they have ever reached in the competition.

Show your support next Wednesday at the Sports Centre for a 4pm tip off.

NORTHERN 1A 1 LEEDS UNI 2 NEWCASTLE 3 MANCHESTER 4 LEEDS MET 5 MMU CHESHIRE 6 LIVERPOOL

18 18 15 9 6 3

against Poly

WOMEN’S FENCING Newcastle 1sts Northumbria 1sts

109 129

By Laura Mason at SPORTS CENTRE So far sitting a respectable mid table position, Newcastle last week faced top of the table Northumbria.

First weapon was epee, Northumbria’s speciality, the away side gaining a valuable lead from the start. Struggling to fight Newcastle finished the weapon 20 points behind, leaving an uphill battle for the rest of the tie.

Next was Sabre, which was fairly evenly matched throughout, with some nice hits coming from both Sarah Willis and Holli Prescott, helped

by Captain Laura Mason.

Foil was last. Prescott gave a decent starting bout, with Amy coming on to follow. Although Amy’s debut season fencing for the firsts she had no need to have been nervous before stepping on the piste, as she blew everyone away with her skills and point scoring techniques, against their finishing fencer.

Refusing to stay quiet, Northumbria gradually clawed their way back in to the weapon finishing only six points behind Newcastle.

Unfortunately those points lost in the first weapon proved crucial and the final score sat 109-129 to the Poly.

Although defeated Newcastle are now even more determined to achieve success over the Poly in two weeks time.

Despite falling 2-0 behind the Royals fought back to regain their top of the table spot, aided by two goals from Max Underwood (pictured) Photography: Hubert Lam

protect their goal.

With less than ten to go, the chance for a winner came when Newcastle were awarded a penalty flick after a goal-bound shot deflected on to a Sheffield foot on the line. Captain John Colville stepped up and held his nerve to send the keeper the wrong

way before firing low and hard into the goal. All that remained was for the home side to defend this lead, which they did successively to finish the game 3-2 victors.

Back at the top of the table Newcastle are in a strong position as the season enters the business end with only

3 league games remaining. They next face Birmingham 2nd XI at home in the semi-final of the trophy looking to secure a second final in two years.

A big month of hockey for the Royals will define their season in what has been an impressive return to 1A.

in the year. The team started strongly and dominated play with fluid movement down court, and accurate feeding into the circle by Allie Strang and Harriet Humphries. The end of the first quarter saw Newcastle lead 11-2 and they continued to dominate in the second quarter, entering half time with a 21-9 lead.

However it was a game of two halves.

Huddersfield gained confidence at half time; their play gained pace and their shooters became consistently accurate. Despite excellent work by player of the match Lauren Barnett, Newcastle found it difficult to defend and even when winning back possession, they could not control the ball and the pace of play. Furthermore, questionable umpiring in no way gave Newcastle any assistance; however the Seconds kept their cool and converted their own centre passes.

Despite Huddersfield significantly reducing the deficit, Newcastle stayed on top to achieve a win by two goals.

Charlotte Plumtree once again showed true skill and her excellent performance gained her player of the match. Plumtree’s play was centre to a strong defensive unit, however this was not enough for Newcastle to take the lead, as they were unable to convert any turnovers that the home team forced.

Split results for netball club NETBALL

By Fiona Moss

Newcastle 1sts Manchester 2nds

55 23

Playing at home against the team at the bottom of the table, the first team were expected to achieve a confident win to stay on course for promotion.

They took the lead immediately after a strong start, winning the first quarter 14-3. However their dominance lost its momentum in the middle of the match. Manchester’s tall goalkeeper pressured Newcastle’s attacking play and so the team had to adapt their style.

By ensuring safe feeds in to the circle, whilst forcing lots of errors in defence with numerous interceptions from player of the match Mia Archer, Newcastle did just that and a solid performance made sure that the home side kept a distinctive lead.

It was a confident performance by Newcastle who won 55-23 and have only three must win games left in this seasons BUCS campaign if they are to achieve promotion back up to the Premiership.

Newcastle 2nds Huddersfield 1sts

33 35

Playing away, Newcastle looked to the second leg of their encounter with Huddersfield hoping to repeat the win they achieved at home earlier

Newcastle 3rds Sheffield Hallam 2nds

35 38

Despite playing at home the Thirds could not capitalise on this advantage. Although starting well and playing with confidence as the game progressed this soon faltered and their heads dropped. The second half of the match was much weaker than that of the first and as soon as Newcastle found themselves on the back foot they found it hard to retrieve any control and the lead slipped away from them.

Newcastle 4ths Hull 2nds

22 24

A long journey to Hull saw a close encounter between Newcastle and a Hull side who currently sit second in the league. The Fourths made a good start, however they found themselves trailing at the end of the first quarter.

Despite finding themselves on the back foot, Newcastle kept their composure and kept on fighting, keeping the score-line close, entering the final quarter just one goal behind. Confidence was high and the team hoped that they would be able to keep pressuring a strong Hull defence and capitalise on any opportunity that they were offered in order to take the lead.

Great work in defence and good movement around the ‘D’ from player of the match Pippa Jackson, gave the team high hope. However mistakes were made at crucial points in the closing stages of the game and teamed with dubious umpiring decisions, Newcastle found themselves on the wrong side of the score-line at the final whistle. Regardless of this the Fourths showed resilience and a good spirit throughout and deserve credit.

46.sportBUCS

Monday 20 February 2012

The Courier

Still no stopping undefeated

O’Neal and Malins at the double as Royals see off Gryphons to stay top WOMEN’S RUGBY UNION

Newcastle 1sts Leeds 1sts

40 5

By Sofie Raine at COCHRANE PARK NWR warmed up at Cochrane Park after a couple weeks of weather olagued fixtures, and with a few alterations to their usual line-up, were eager to go out and maintain their unbeaten season so far – a run that even includes non-BUCS fixtures.

From the kick-off, benefitting from their unscheduled break, NWR were full of energy and started to make ground with ease, dominating procedings.

Having beaten Leeds earlier in the season, it wasn’t long before they were well on their way to another victory as some well-rehearsed backs moves paid off for centre Rosie O’Neal. Captain Phoebe Lebrecht converted to give NWR a 7-0 lead.

For once, the weather was somewhat more tropical in Newcastle than on the continent but nevertheless fingers were becoming numb. This did not stop the Royals however, as Pat Lapierre snaked her way up the pitch to produce a perfect try on the overlap in the corner. Lebrecht missed the conversion, but in all fairness the angle was tight enough to challenge a world class kicker.

The try further raised NWR spirits as they believed firmly in their ability to put their training ground moves into practice, creating havoc for the Leeds defence. However, when NWR’s defence faltered, the Gryphons took full advantage and scored a try of their own. While the conversion didn’t go

over, it brought them back to within seven points of Newcastle.

This spurred Newcastle on though and showing added determination both the backs and the forwards mounted drives up the pitch. From a scrum, which has proved to be one of NWR’s best attacking assets so far this season, the pace of Holly Malins and Hannah McShane saw the ball flicked out to Lauren Wallace for a well-deserved try.

Lebrecht’s conversion was good and Newcastle had restored their comfortable lead, one which was extended even further when O’Neal scored her second of the match. Holly Malins then scored off the back of the scrum shortly afterwards to make it 33-5 to the royals at half-time.

Half time oranges and a pep talk were given out by captain Phoebe Lebrecht, vice-captain Sophie Bale and coach Scott. This allowed NWR to avoid complacency after the restart and keep the ferocious Leeds counter attack at bay, as they came out all guns blazing in the second half.

Leeds defence was hard to break after the restart too and the only opportunity came off the scrum for Holly Malins for her second try of the game.

After their dominant first-half however, an NWR victory was never in doubt and their 40-5 win means that they remain unbeaten at the top of the Northern 1A table.

Newcastle now face two matches in three days as they travel to Teesside tonight for a re-arranged league match before welcoming Dundee to Cochrane Park on Wednesday for the BUCS Trophy quarter finals, where they will be competing for the right to play either Swansea or Sheffield in the last four.

Lacrosse us at your peril: Durham surrender top spot after narrow loss

MEN’S LACROSSE Newcastle 1sts Durham 2nds

7 5

By Harry Mead at REDHALL DRIVE I will begin by saying this. We never gave in. Never. At no point great or small, large or petty, did we surrender, except to convictions of honour and good sense. We didn’t yield to force nor the apparently overwhelming might of our enemy. We were going through hell at times, we kept on going. We will always say this was our finest hour and it will echo in eternity.

On Wednesday 15 February a truly miraculous event occurred. The Newcastle immortals were called upon to end their lonely wonderings amongst the clouds and descend to this mortal plain. Their opponents were the embodiment of darkness and villainy, Durham University Seconds. Or, as they are more locally known, The Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Their tyranny had up until then been

undefeated. However, this was not to be the case for much longer. With the spectacular return of our leader Andrew ‘ the obelisk’ Oliver we were ready for battle. He lead as always by example, seeing no need to beat the Durham defense, Oliver simply wound up and fired shots with such titanic power it was a shock that he only claimed two from the Durham side.

Next of note was Toby ‘The Crusader’ Crow who with the aid of Toby ‘The Hurt’ Hoskins, Nathan ‘Supernova’ Simmonds-Buckley and Phil’ The Pain’ Ellwood, became the immovable object that halted the unstoppable force of Durham’s attack, try as they might to pierce that mighty wall of D they were met only with failure and disappointment. At a certain point, most likely when the defense thought no one was playing, Durham managed to get through to Goalkeeper, Mathew ‘J-Lo’ Jolly. However, this was of little consequence, with the reaction only matched by the speed of light Jolly halted all shots in his path.

This is not to say we easily overcame this onslaught, it took every ounce of our immortal blood to keep these

monsters at bay.

A being who distinguished himself more than most was a new wonderer amongst our heavens, Andrew ‘The Doom’ Donnelly. This inspiration not only struck fear into the hearts of these mortal creatures with titanic tackles but also caused havoc and discourse in attack by breaking the Durham defense with more ease than one would imagine possible.

Next to emerge was Ben ‘The Beginning, The Middle and The End’ Beattie, recently returned from a routine trip round the world reversing natural disasters.

For once, due to a foul act of despicable play Beattie showed the slightest instance of discomfort. However, although this was short lived, Durham’s punishment for the offence was not.

Beattie proceeded to secure two ferocious goals, one of which displayed such power and grace that it brought him and those around it to their knees.

Not to be outdone by the master, Harry ‘The Marauder’ Mead entered the fray. With the reactions of a homeless alley cat raised on the streets he darted round the opposition and let

rip a shot so fierce it scorched the net, twice. Although, Alexander ‘The Zodiac’ Michael cannot be forgotten.

With prowess seldom displayed on this earth he pierced the Durham defense like a shooting star, his cut leaving a blazing trail behind him, and fired a shot that seemed to defy the laws of space and time which found the net all to easily. By the third quarter the immortals had a strong hold over these creatures holding a three goal lead.

In the final quarter though, they rallied and with their cold dark hearts pushed us to our limits. With war cries that would turn the hearts of other men they came at us, we answered with blood and sweat. It was brutal and bloody, never in a game of lacrosse have their been so many injuries in so short a time. Rich ‘The Reaper’ Wise made sure to make a point of defiance when he broke the foolish Durham midfield with tackles so horrific their ancestors were in pain.

They say pain is temporary, but theirs will last forever. We held on, even when we were going through hell

we fought our way back into the light and emerged victorious. We firmly believe that this was our finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all we held dear.

The moment when we had worked our hearts out for a good cause and lay victorious on the field of battle. Final score: Newcastle 7–5 Durham. The scorers: Beattie two, Mead two, Oliver two, Michael one.

1st

TOP OF THE PILE

With one league game to play, Newcastle are in pole position: 1. Newcastle 1sts 2. Hull 1sts 3. Durham 2nds 4. Liverpool 1sts 5. Bangor 1sts

Points: 21 Points: 18 Points: 18 Points: 13 Points: 12

The Courier

BUCSsport.47

Monday 20 February 2012

NWR Derby win eases relegation fears

p of the league

MEN’S FOOTBALL

Newcastle 2nds Northumbria 3rds

2 1

By Nick Gabriel at LONGBENTON 3G Last Wednesday, a late winner from substitute Chris Holt earned Newcastle 2nd XI a narrow 2-1 victory over Northumbria’s 3rd team on the Longbenton 3G. Earlier, captain Arthur Okonkwo had seen his first half penalty cancelled out by another spot kick, this time in favour of the away side, before Holt notched the decisive goal late on.

It was the Newcastle outfit who started the game by far the brighter, and were rewarded for their early dominance when forward Tom Stapleton was fouled just inside the penalty area.

Okonkwo stepped up to coolly slot the spot kick home, sending the ‘keeper the wrong way.

The Royals were unlucky not to double their advantage soon after. This time, the Northumbria ‘keeper had to be at his very best to tip a well-placed Jonny Sexton free kick narrowly around the post.

The away side eventually sprang to life, shading the remainder of the half.

Their best chance came when one of their centre-halves was left unmarked at a corner, but he could only divert the ball over the crossbar, leaving the home side’s ‘keeper, Matt Thorpe, untroubled.

Holly Malins leaves the Leeds back line standing as she runs through for one of her two tries Photography: Moises Bedrossian

LEAGUE TABLE 9 EDINBURGH 10 OXFORD 11 BRISTOL 12 NEWCASTLE 13 LEEDS 14 NORTHUMBRIA 15 UWIC

1478 1300 1264 1248 1150.5 1047 1037

MEN’S TENNIS Newcastle 1sts Hull 2nds

M2 v Northumbria 2nds W1 v Leeds Met 2nds

3-5 3-5

M1 v Man Met 1sts M2 v York 2nds M3 v Sunderland 2nds

77- 60 80-37 49-59

BASKETBALL

12 0

By Dan Carnie at NORTHUMBERLAND CLUB With Newcastle still harbouring hopes of promotion to the second division, it was vital that they overcame one of the weaker sides in their current division. They did exactly that as home advantage proved to be crucial, with Hull not registering a solitary win.

It was Mike Tang who got the ball rolling for Newcastle as he maintained his remarkable singles record of not losing a set so far this year. After saving two break points in the first game, Tang barely had to get out of first gear and sauntered to 6-1 6-1 victory.

There was even a bit of showboating with more than one Pete Samprasesque smash. It can only be a matter of time before Tang is made number one on the team rather than second as

FENCING

BADMINTON

the defence.

The revitalized front-line immediately looked menacing, as a tired looking Poly defence struggled to keep tabs on the troublesome pair. First, Holt was inches away from getting on the end of whipped free-kick. Moments later the same player came close again as, following a clever knockdown from Okonkwo, his goal-bound effort was deflected wide.

However, the lively Holt was reward-

against Hull.

Tom Loughran, playing at number one, overcame a first set scare to win 2-6 6-4 6-0. His opponent began ludicrously well and didn’t miss a forehand.

However, he was never going to keep that level up for the match and Loughran did well to dig deep and get the win with his backhand in particular causing all sorts of problems.

Meanwhile, Ben Mynard and Alex Mooney, playing at numbers 3 and 4 respectively, comfortablyW won their doubles match 6-4 6-1 but the score line may be slightly harsh on their opponents who played their part in some thoroughly entertaining points.

After the turnaround, it was Loughran and Tang who joined forces to win their doubles match with the same ease as in the singles, 6-1 6-1.

With Loughran being left-handed, the two of them complemented each other’s games well and made a really good team.

Tang provided the big ground strokes from the back of the court and Loughran gave the pair more subtlety and guile around the net. Their quickfire victory meant that the win was assured before the other singles matches had been completed.

Alex Mooney kept the momentum going winning his singles match comfortably 6-2 6-0. His combination of good ground strokes and clinical volleying helped to make light work of his opposite number and he can be very satisfied with his day’s work.

However, it was team Captain Ben Mynard’s match which provided the most drama and entertainment from the afternoon. Having gone a set down, Mynard somehow managed to overcome a dogged opponent to win 2-6 7-6 and 10-6 in the deciding championship tie-break.

Mynard looked dead and buried having lost the first set very tamely.

His frustration boiled over and his racquet bit the dust on more than one

occasion.

He continued to try to get himself going but his opponent refused to go away. Mynard, to his credit, however, managed to turn the match around in the second set tie-break and forced the victory in the championship tiebreak to decide the winner.

Overall, it was a very satisfying victory for Newcastle, albeit in a match they would have expected to win. The team will now be hoping they can carry this momentum forward in the coming weeks in their pursuit of promotion.

Next week Newcastle have to travel to Sunderland where they will host bottom of the league York. York are yet to register a single win from their opening seven matches so Newcastle will be hopeful of another big win to keep the pressure on table-topping Durham. The two are set to meet in the last match of the season on 14 March, a match that could well prove to be a title decider.

HOCKEY

W1 v Manchester 2nds W2 v Huddersfield 1sts W3 v Sh’d Hallam 2nds W4 v Hull 2nds

55-23 35-33 35-38 20-24

W2 v Bradford 1sts W3 v Northumbria 2nds

15-19 10-71 7 - 15 40 - 5 0 - 30

TENNIS

9

Henry Scutt takes the attack to Northumbria’s third team Photography: Hubert Lam

Tennis Club serve up whitewash

W1 v MMU C’shire 1sts W2 v Durham 2nds

RESULTS

ed for his endeavor from the resulting corner. This time, a clever near post run enabled the substitute to divert the drilled set piece goalwards past the hapless away ‘keeper, taking the home outfit into a 2-1 lead.

In all honesty, it wasn’t pretty; but the Royals will be delighted in claiming three all important points that will undoubtedly prove vital in their continued fight for league survival.

The rest of the half passed with relatively little incident, as the Royals’ backline proved more than a match for the away side’s direct approach.

Bookings were exchanged before the referee called half time on an encounter that had so far been more an exhibition of graft, rather than guile.

The second half began in a similar vein to the first, with the home side having the better of the opening exchanges. The impressive Mark Turner just failed to convert a couple of halfchances, before a menacing cross from winger Henry Scutt was well cleared.

Once again, the away side responded quickly, coming extremely close to leveling the scores soon after. On this occasion, the Poly forward saw his acrobatic effort cannon off the crossbar following a superb inswinging free kick.

However, the away outfit eventually got their reward for their continued spell of pressure, as a free kick from a similar position was hoisted into the box once more. This time, the ball struck a Newcastle hand as a mass of bodies fought to challenge for the flighted cross. The penalty was then well converted, leveling the scores with 20 minutes to play.

The equaliser brought with it an immediate change of personnel from the home side. The tireless Stapleton was replaced by Holt, with Okonkwo making the switch from centre-half to centre-forward to pair up with the substitute. Ed Holden also came on to deputise for Okonkwo at the heart of

M2 v Sheffield 1sts W1 v N’bria 1sts

FOOTBALL

M1 v Liverpool 1sts M2 v Northumbria 3rds W1 v Leeds 2nds W2 v Bradford 1sts

GOLF

1 v Leeds 1sts 2 v Hull 1sts

71-55 59-71 117-121 109-128 3-2 2-1 10 - 0 4-3 2-4 4-2

M1 v Sheffield 1sts M2 v Durham 4ths M3 v Sheffield 2nds M4 v Leeds Met 3rds W1 v LJMU 1sts W2 v York 1sts W3 v Leeds 3rds W4 v Northumbria 3rds

LACROSSE

M1 v Durham 2nds W1 v Durham 2nds W2 v Leeds 1sts

NETBALL

3-2 1-1 1-3 0-4 9-0 1-0 0-7 3-2 7-5 10 - 9 1 - 34

Won

RUGBY

M2 v Durham 3rds M3 v Bishop B’n 1sts M4 v York 2nds W1 v Leeds 1sts W2 v York 1sts

SQUASH

M1 v Manchester 1sts M2 v Leeds Met 2nds M3 v Leeds Met 3rds

0-5 5-0 2-1

TABLE TENNIS

M1 v Sheffield 1sts M2 v York 1sts M1 v Hull 2nds M2 v Durham 3rds W1 v Sheffield 1sts W2 v Durham 4ths

VOLLEYBALL

M1 v Durham 1sts W1 v Volleyball 1sts

4-0 4-0 7 - 10 1 - 16 12 - 0 2 - 10 4-8 10 - 2 0-3 0-3

Sport

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 20 February 2012 Issue 1245 Free

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport

Late equaliser for Barca in top of the table clash

Intra Mural tables p.44

Royal rout by NULHC

Mollison hat-trick heads 9-0 thrashing of LJMU WOMEN’S HOCKEY

Newcastle 1sts LJMU 1sts

9 0

By Alice Hogg at Longbenton Newcastle University Ladies Hockey made up for the previous weeks set back with a stonking 9-0 win over Liverpool John Moores in the BUCS 1A league.

The home side were determined to overturn their 1-0 defeat in the reverse fixture and soon enforced their dominance on the game. Centre-midielder, Nicki Mollison, made a driving run up the pitch, passing to Jenna Watt, who fed a perfectly placed ball across the D for waiting fresher, Liz Shedden, to give the Royals the lead. ‘Absolutely Textbook’ commented keen supporter and horticulturalist Laura Kennedy.

From then on the Royals continued to pepper the John Moores goal. Numerous shots on goal and displays of skill from forward Shedden allowed Newcastle to win a series of short corners. The second was converted into a goal by a well positioned strike by Vice-Captain Sophie McClean.

Any advances across the halfway line by John Moores were halted easily halted and cleared by wing backs Susanne Haddock-Kempe and Hattie Cunningham. One such clearance al-

lowed a brilliant run of play between Erika Coakley and Rachael ‘Pink eye’ Clements and allowed Charlotte Howatson to score her first goal of the day.

The positive run by Newcastle was slightly marred by an out of character green card awarded to Club president Holly Radcliffe - clearly angered by the aggressive play from LJMU. However, Newcastle soon regained composure and a fourth goal was scored, courtesy of Nicki Mollison who caught the

NICKI MOLLISON Royals’ centremidfielder Mollison scored a hat-trick in a dominant display, helping her side to a truly remarkable win

ball mid volley and slammed it into the back of the net. This 4-0 lead remained until the end of the first half despite more shots by Jenna Watt, and thanks to seamless defensive play by full backs Olivia O’Malley and Milly Powers.

The second half started with LJMU reverting once more to their dirty tactics, resulting in Liz Shedden being squished by a sizeable opponent.

Fury from the Newcastle team made them even more determined to put the game to bed. Jenna Watt soon

continued to the annihilation of the travelling side, with the fifth goal of the match, her famous chant bellowed out from the bench.

Now the race was really on between Watt and Mollison to score the most goals and achieve possession of the white card for the evening ahead.

Mollison soon proved her desire for all those free drinks and scored a magnificent goal making the total 6-0 overall.

The Royals continuted to battle in the Liverpool and D and were soon rewared a flick wich was dispatched

by Captain Alice Hogg.

Content with their 7-0 lead Newcastle allowed a moment of laziness and gave stand-in goalie Izzy Rice a chance to show off her skill, slide tackling an oncoming Liverpool player and preventing a potential goal.

Regaining focus, Newcastle saw the game out with two magnificent goals from Jenna Watt, an excellent team goal worked up from the back, and Nicki Mollison, an excellently placed short corner strike.

Club president Holly Radcliffe commented on the game saying although her green card was ‘completely unjustified, that was a really fun game’.

This immense win should give the Royals confidence when they face league rivals Manchester firsts in the semi final of the Trophy this week.

Magic Eight Malins helps NWR extend unbeaten run Women’s Rugby, p.46

CAPTAIN COLVILLE AND CO. STILL UNBEATEN

HOCKEY, P45

Tyne-Wear Derby/Stan Clavert clash fears allayed

Exclusive, p.39