www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 20 April 2015 Issue 1309 Free
BUCS SMARTS
The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students
ANDY JORDAN
Uni footballers edge toward promotion glory The MIC hunk takes Sport, back page on Big Chat p. 26
SOBuckle SANDALOUS up for summer
Union survey lifts lid on lad culture on campus Shocking stories of misogyny lay bare scale of problems at Newcastle Other responses dismiss laddism as “top bants” and accuse NUSU of “siding with feminists”
By Antonia Velikova News Editor Over half of students have provided accounts of having experienced the phenomenon of “lad culture” on campus, a recent poll conducted by the Welfare and Equality team of NUSU has shown. 53% of over 200 students polled have anonymously shared their experiences and opinion of what they understand to be lad culture on the Newcastle University campus. By contrast, 47% stated that they had no experience of lad culture on campus, or did not know what lad culture actually was. Some of the harrowing accounts involved mentions of sexism, homophobia, misogyny, and harassment as elements of lad culture. “I was sexually assaulted as a result of how I dressed,” one of the respondents shared. A lot of the answers to the poll regard lad culture as demeaning to men as well as women: “‘LADs’ [are] sexually assaulting female students and calling it banter,” another one of the respondents said. “As one of the few males in my group of friends I felt it was my responsibility to watch over my female friends at all times to stop them falling victim to this behaviour.” Welfare and Equality officer with NUSU Olivia Jeffrey confirms that lad culture does not only affect people of either gender. In her speech on the Tackling Lad Culture summit at Northumbria University last Wednesday, Jeffrey said: “I agree that using the term lad culture can often be very confusing as to what it actually means, and it is actually the harmful elements that need to be tackled. Also
the term ‘lad’ is usually associated with males, when as the reporter said, both females and males can be involved in lad culture. This is not to say that it is only sports teams that are involved in this kind of behaviour. But we are hoping from this planning meeting together, we can create a plan on how to tackle lad culture with sports team members and then it can be used as part of a wider strategy for the New Year starting in September.” Other respondents claimed that there were much more important issues that need tackling among the student population, such as urging students on campus to vote in the upcoming general election. “I don’t agree with this ‘lad’ culture but people acting like eejits during university is something that is supposed to happen,” they claimed. Another said that the poll itself was targeting men on campus and instilling prejudice among students. “Stop siding with feminists on everything. NUSU doesn’t seem like it’s trying to promote equality if every second post is about girls being ‘oppressed’. Men don’t have it better in every situation and neither to [sic] women,” one of the respondents stated. Lucy Morgan, President of Newcastle Feminist Society, said that lad culture is much more than a feminist issue: it affects all marginalised groups of students. “Lad culture becomes harmful when the ‘banter’ relies on misogyny and homophobia,” Morgan said. “Normalising these prejudices makes it okay for people to behave in a prejudiced way, i.e sexually harassing or verbally abusing someone. This has the effect of alienating large bodies of Continues page 4
Est 1948
Fashion, p.16
Voters back Labour and Miliband, Courier poll reveals By Tom Nicholson Editor An exclusive Courier poll has found that Labour have opened up a sizable gap on their rivals among Newcastle’s student electorate, and that Ed Miliband holds a slim lead on David Cameron with regards to which man would make the better Prime Minister. Of 292 students asked, 95 (32.5%) said that they intended to vote for Labour on May 7. Their closest challengers were the Green Party, who were favoured by 58 respondents (19.9%). Further to the left of the spectrum, the Greens have wooed younger voters with student-friendly pledges to fight for the abolition of tuition fees, end austerity, bring the minimum wage up to the level of the living wage, and to introduce rent controls. Close behind were the Conservatives on 54 (18.5%), just one vote ahead of those respondents who had yet to make up their minds as to where their vote would eventually go (18.2%). Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Lib Dems gained only 13 votes of support (4.5%), marginally ahead of the responses indicating an unwillingness to vote at all (4.1%). Three respondents said that they intended to vote for Ukip (1.03%), and the SNP and the option of spoiling one’s ballot tied on one vote each. Two respondents said they intended to vote for other parties than the six biggest. The second poll, which asked whether Miliband or Cameron would make the better Prime Minister, found that 39.86% of 296 respondents favoured Miliband. Just six votes separated him from Cameron, who received support from 37.84% of respondents. 50 respondents (16.89%) said that neither Cameron nor Miliband would be their choice for Prime Minister, while 16 (5.4%) had yet to decide.
More inside Virtual insanity: classicists design hi-tech VR specs p.2
Full analysis of our unique poll, p. 5
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Young Greens begin election push
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
News Editors: Antonia Velikova, Kate Dewey and Mark Sleightholm Online News Editor: Ashley Williams courier.news@ncl.ac.uk | @TheCourier_News
Students design virtual reality glasses
Charity dance marathon launches
COMMENT
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Should a Prime Min- ister have to ‘look right’?
CULTURE
12 13 16 31 32 37
The best beer gardens in town Blind Date: Amy meets Mark How to grab some of Bardot’s élan
A helpful guide to who hates who in MIC
By Kotryna Kairyte A few decades ago Virtual Reality (VR) was still an idea out of science fiction but now it’s becoming more and more accessible. Chronicles VR, a project launched by Newcastle students Dominic Deane and Rachel Derbyshire, aims to bring the benefits of virtual reality into museums by giving its visitors a chance to explore historic artefacts in their original context by wearing the groundbreaking Oculus Rift 3D headset. Dominic and Rachel collaborated with the Great North Museum and created a virtual ancient Greek village with 3D models of historic artefacts from the museum itself that visitors can explore by wearing the Facebook-owned Oculus Rift 3D headset. Dominic, a third year Classics student, told the Courier that he has was looking for a way to recreate the experience of exploring artefacts from Ancient Greece. Being a big fan of the collection
in the Great North Museum he decided to pilot their idea there: “The collection is very detailed, very well-researched. So I thought, let’s do it. I contacted the Rise Up Team in Career Service, told them my idea and it blossomed from there. They put me in contact with my current business partner Rachel who had a very similar idea and we collaborated to make something together.” The process of creating the new experience consisted of making a 3D scan of all the objects and putting them into a virtual ancient village that visitors can walk through. Getting closer to each artefact, text pops up telling the visitor a little bit of information about it. “The benefits of this technology are basically endless. Apart from anything else, it appeals to younger audience which we don’t always get which is
great. And it takes the object that was confined behind glass and really pulls it out into the public viewing.” Dawn Weatherstone, a member of the RiseUp team in the Careers Service also shared the same idea: “This is so easy to use, you can really feel inside the village. I can imagine this technology creating a better access to archives and even being used in classrooms.” Last Thursday Chronicles VR held a demo event in the Great North Museum where visitors had a chance to live the 3D experience themselves and have a walk through Virtual Reality. Dominic was happy that the event had a positive response and a lot of people showed interested in the innovative technology. “This is all about getting people to use it, see what they like, what they don’t like, so that we know how to adapt it.”
“It takes a little to get used to the feeling of dizziness, but it’s a great experience”
Dominic explained. After its display in the Hancock, the developers will be taking the piece to the Museum Next Conference in Geneva, Switzerland. During the event visitors were asked to share their experience with the team and fill in specific questionnaires. Sophie, an MA student in Ancient History, shared her thoughts with The Courier right after trying the virtual glasses: “This is very interesting. It takes a little to get used to the feeling of dizziness, but it’s a great experience.” When asked if he can see museums adapting this innovative technology, Dominic was really positive: “It’s just a start! A lot of different settings are very keen to introduce technology in a very interactive way. And we think this particular technology is great to introduce, because it’s so immersive and so easy to use – you just put the headset on and you’re there. So I see it everywhere! I don’t see why you couldn’t walk into any museum, put on a headset and have a great experience.”
Britain’s Got Talent top trumps Whale of the week
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Editor Tom Nicholson News Editors Antonia Velikova, Kate Dewey, Mark Sleightholm and Ashley Williams Comment Editors Victoria Armstrong, Matt Corden and Ruth Davis Culture Editor Kate Bennett Lifestyle Editors Tom Tibble, Annie Lord, Jack Dempsey and Holly Suttle Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke, Hannah Fitton and Hannah Goldstein Beauty Editors Charlotte Davies, Charlotte Maxwell and Kathy Davidson Arts Editors Becka Crawshaw, Lucy Chenery and Jess Harman Film Editors David Leighton, Rosie Bellini and George Smith Music Editors Jamie Shepherd, Dominique Daly and Chris Addison TV Editor Helen Daly, Ellie Mclaren and Rebecca Dooley Gaming Editors Sophie Baines and Ben Tyrer Science Editors Penny Polson, Laura Staniforth and Jack Marley Sports Editors Jonty Mawer, Peter Georgiev, Huezin Lim and Josh Nicholson Copy Editors Megan Ayres and Emma Broadhouse
The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge. The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s comment pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.
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news.3
Monday 20 April 2015
Braking limits: Coast to Coast pedal up ÂŁ50,000 for charity
By Sima Nikolajeva During the weekend prior to the beginning of the Easter holiday the Coast to Coast Society were completing their annual 136 mile long charity bike ride from Whitehaven to Tynemouth. This year half of the money was raised for the blood cancer charity ‘Marrow’, with the other half going to Emmaus North East, aiding homeless people. This year’s Coast to Coast event has been carried out by 90 riders and another ten members in support with a current total of more than ÂŁ15,000 raised. At first, money was raised through bucket donations during the 24-hour cyclathon, which was held outside the Students’ Union in November and collected almost ÂŁ1000, subsequently relying on individual fundraising through the event’s page on VirginGiving. “Special credit is due to Izzy Morley who has single handed raised more than ÂŁ1700 herself “, George Watkinson, the President of the society, told the Courier. “It’s a tough ride at times, especially when passing through the Lakes and the Pennines“, he admits: “however, it is not by any means an exclusive event, and we welcome as many people to get involved as possible“. In the two months preceding the main weekend the society runs weekly training rides between 30-60km around the Northumbrian countryside. The rides were led by an experienced rider, helping those with less experience get ready for the event and get used to riding in a group on road and generally improve their fitness levels. The society organised transportation to the starting point, provided meals throughout the weekend and organized overnight accommodation. “The tradition of the annual charity bike ride began in 2013 with one medical student’s intention to cycle from the coast to coast, deciding to raise some money for the charity at the same time – basically, that is how Coast to Coast Society was born“, explains George, who is a medical student himself. Each of the three years that the ride has run
it is medical students who happened to be both at the head of the organization of the event and representing the largest group of the event’s participants. Emma Ladlow, third year Medic said: “I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to try something different and challenging, whilst also supporting two genuinely worthwhile charities and having funâ€?. As a cancer charity, ‘Marrow’ is an important player in the medical school community and so the advertisements for the event tends to spread primarily through the well-linked medical communities. “But we were really keen to reach a wider audience, so around the third of the event’s participants still were non-medics“, notes George enthusiastically. Apart from traditionally supporting ’Marrow’, the student offshoot of the parent charity Anthony Nolan, with bone marrow register saving lives through matching and transplantation, education, research and support, the society is also hoping to become a part of Emmaus North East’s ambitious project, aimed at setting up a new homeless centre in Gateshead to serve the population there. Emmaus is an international charity with centres all over Europe, which provide a home, work and companionship for local homeless people. Over the past two years Coast to Coast cyclists have raised an impressive total of almost ÂŁ50,000. This time the riders were split into groups of approximately 10 with each group being headed by their own team leader. The distance they had to cover in each of the two days was around 70 miles, with Day 1 passing through the hilly Lake District and putting the teams through truly challenging conditions. “The lowest moment was probably
“It was an incredible experience GHĂ€ QLWHO\ something I would like to do againâ€?
on the first day after we had finished a relentless 1000ft Hartside climb, which took us almost an hour: we were all exhausted by this point and some of our team members were really suffering from the cold - it was absolutely freezing at this snowy peakâ€?, Emma admits. “I think, at that time we were only kept going by the thought of a lot of food we were going to have once arriving to the hostelâ€?, she adds. There were 5 support minibuses following the riders, checking on groups every 10 miles and constantly on hand with snacks and water. A few times support groups were called out to help a team with minor mechanical issues like punctures, and there was also a bike mechanic accompanying the ride, ready to fix any serious bike problems anytime. “The most frustrating point during our ride was when we were less than three miles from the finish and one of our team members got another puncture, which meant we had to stop before we could complete the ride and wait for a new wheel to arrive as it was getting dark – thankfully, we had a few packets of Haribo to keep up team morale, as well as some portable speakers and cheesy 90’s tunesâ€?, Emma laughs. According to George’s observations, weather could not have been better, which was in stark contrast to last year’s ride when it rained almost constantly. “As the organisers of this event our expectations have been fulfilled: we have managed to pull off a weekend ride across the country for almost 100 Newcastle Uniersity students and have raised ÂŁ15,000 for two very important charities - I think we can be pretty pleased with ourselves for achieving it all together“, concludes George. “It was an incredible experience, definitely something I would like to do again“, adds Emma. Donations can still be made at Coast to Coast’s VirginGiving page.
“The lowest moment was SUREDEO\ D UHOHQWOHVV IW Hartside climb, which took us almost an hour: we were all exhausted�
7KH VRFLHW\ F\FOH IURP :KLWHKDYHQ WR 7\QHPRXWK Images: Laura Marie
4.news
Monday 20 April 2015
Smart transport system gets the green light By Yuwei Hu Newcastle is now home to traffic lights that can automatically turn to green to allow ambulances through. The pilot, collaboratively launched by Newcastle University, Newcastle City Council and the North East Ambulance Service, aims at improving safety and reducing congestion and pollution by providing personalised driving information to vehicles. The communication system, developed by Siemens, will directly link in-vehicle communication technology with the city’s Urban Traffic Management Control (UTMC) centre. It will make sure traffic lights give priority to selected vehicles such as emergency vehicles or delayed buses at intersections. Phil Blythe, Newcastle University Professor of Transport explained that this trial was unique because it involved communicating directly with the driver: “the system might advise a driver that if they travel at 24 miles an hour they will hit the next four sets of traffic lights on green. In more congested areas or particularly busy times of the day, then vehicles on key roads might be given priority in order to keep the traffic flowing. “These are exciting times in the world of transport and here in Newcastle we are leading the way - taking the first
step towards a fully automated system with intelligent infrastructure and, eventually, driverless cars.” Newcastle joins cities across Europe, such as Thessaloniki and Copenhagen, as part of the trials in intelligent transport systems known as Compass4D. “This is about optimising the network,” said UTMC manager Ray King, “the NHS vehicles are transporting patients to hospital for treatment and they don’t want to be held up in traffic unnecessarily, delaying appointments for other patients and wasting taxpayer’s money.” The system is currently being trialled by North East Ambulance Service. They have installed the technology in their non-emergency Patient Transport Service vehicles, which serve patients who need to commute to hospital for treatment appointments. Paul Liversidge, NEAS Chief Operating Officer, said: “As the region’s only public sector ambulance service, improving the experience people have on board our vehicles is at the heart of what we do.” If any ahead drivers jumped a red light, the Red Light Violation Warning will alert drivers, while the Energy Efficient Intersection will tell a driver which speed to travel at to reach traffic lights on green.
“Top bants every day”: lad culture on campus
Continued from front page the student population who identify as female or homosexual/queer/trans.” At the Tackling Lad Culture summit on Wednesday, when the results from the poll were introduced and discussed in the following plenary session, many speakers from all over the country gathered at Northumbria University to discuss effective ways to raise awareness of lad culture and laddism on campus. The summit saw a host of academics from local institutions discussing their perspectives and sharing research findings including National Union of Students equality and women’s officers.
“To improve the situation we need to educate people about what lad culture is” Participants in the session were Minda Burgos-Lukes from National Union of Students, Dave Llewellyn from the Good Lad initiative and Vanita Sundaram from York University. Among the speakers were also Lizi Gray from Northumbria University, Ola Tony-Obot from Sunderland University, Laura Carter from Durham University, and Newcastle University’s Welfare and Equality Officer Olivia Jeffery, In her speech, Olivia outlined the current measures existing on Newcastle University campus to battle laddism and lad culture. “It has been great that we have had the support from the university, as we have set up a meeting group to discuss how we can tackle the problems together,” Jeffrey said. “From our first meeting we have discussed that work needs to be done on improving the sexual harassment reporting system so it is much easier for students to find. “Along with this, our Campus Cop delivers talks to freshers at the start of their first term, particularly on vulnerability. This year we are hoping to bring in topics such as this into the lecture theatre and will define sexual harassment so people have an understanding of what it is and the seriousness of it.” Jeffrey also pointed out that liaising with the leaders of sports clubs to tackle the issue is essential in the situation. Jeffrey said that the summit was a resounding success, picking out Dave Llewellyn’s talk as the highlight of the event. Llewellyn set up the Good Lad initiative in 2013 to raise awareness on how men can enforce a healthy image of masculinity. Lucy Morgan of FemSoc shared her thoughts on how lad culture can be battled more effectively on campus: “To improve the situation we need to educate people about what lad culture is, encourage people to call out their friends if they are participating in it. More importantly we need to invest in zero tolerance policies to make the consequences of lad culture reportable and punishable. This can be done by publicising the current policies and implementing them.” Olivia Jeffrey added that she hopes that more awareness of this issue will be raised in the future.
The Courier
“Rowdy blokes having a bloody good laugh” responses to the survey “There is pressure to ‘pull’ and have profuse sexual relationships and if this is not the case you are seen as abnormal, homosexual or simply as not having fun.” “I met a guy on a night out, we got chatting and he was really friendly. I wasn’t expecting it to go anywhere, but when he kissed me, his friends started pointing and laughing, took lots of pictures of us and started calling me a whale. I was humiliated! Since then, whenever a guy approaches me in a nightclub, I immediately assume it’s a cruel joke or a bet, not because he’s interested.” “On the bus home from AU away matches. The men’s team get so drunk and are always getting naked. Sometimes then inappropriately try to dance /sit on you while naked and are generally massive knobs.” “People having a good time at university, and some among the student population finding it offensive. Its really not as bad as its made out to be, its just something that been blown out of proportion to put a scapegoat onto certain things that happen.” “Being someone who doesn't drink I was worried about joining the hockey club due to this lad culture. However instead of being ostracised like I feared I found that this lad culture only made me closer to my teammates. Not only did they acknowledge that I didn't drink for a good reason but they welcomed it, to the stage that they got into arguments with people who did try to force me to drink. What I found upsetting and annoying is this is never the lad culture which is mentioned, it's only ever bad. I have only seen a good side to it.” “As a lad, I have experienced having a laugh with my mates. Does the University look upon me with disdain?” “I was inducted into my football team with a night of horrendous drinking games and humiliation. Though it was designed to be 'fun' I did not find it as such as I am shy and did not expect to have to complete such tasks as drinking neat vodka with 3 Weetabix in a confined space.” “I’ve been groped, had my shirts ripped open, ties stolen from me and ‘lunged’ at several times by females on Wednesday nights out. However I wasn’t certain as to whether this amounted to lad culture as it was perpetrated by females.” “Groups of lads thinking they can kiss any girl they want because they have had a drink. The worst part is the names they call you after you tell them no. It can range from ‘frigid’ to a lot more offensive.” “What the fuck is lad culture? Sexist term made up by bitter feminists wanting "equality" when actually they want to be put in better standing than males.” “Odd ideas of what masculinity should be and how men should look and act (strange phrases involving “lifting” for example) and a heteronormative target culture surrounding the consumption of female students - women being part of the experience for male students, not students in their own right. This is not all males, of course.”
The Courier
news.5
Monday 20 April 2015
Greens up, Tories down, Ukip out: what the stats mean Will not vote 4.1%
Analysis Labour’s policies aimed at young people, including promises to lower tuition fees to £6000 per year and to get rid of administration fees for people renting homes, plus the introduction of three-year fixed-rent contracts for the private rented sector, appear to be gaining some traction. The announcement of a cap of four weeks on unpaid internships might also sway more students toward Labour in the coming weeks. The Conservative manifesto does not seek to engage students and prospective students directly, but does include the promise of 200,000 new ‘starter homes’ being built for sale at 20% below market price and reserved for first-time buyers under 40, plus a pledge to expand their Start Up Loans scheme to 75,000 more new businesses, which might tempt some entrepreneurially-minded soon-to-be graduates. The ‘Green surge’ seems to be holding steady too; our respondents clearly have an appetite for the mix of oldstyle socialism and environmentalism which the Green manifesto offers. What’s abundantly clear from this poll is that Newcastle’s students are overwhelmingly dissatisfied with the Coalition government, have yet to forgive Nick Clegg for his ‘whoopsa-daisy-I’ve-tripled-your-fees’ U-turn five years ago, and have little time at all for Ukip’s nationalism, despite their pledge to remove tuition fees for STEM subjects on the condition that graduates stay in the UK for five years. Tom Nicholson
Fig. 1: Who do you intend to vote for on May 7?
Undecided 4.98%
Ukip 1.03%
Fig. 2: Who do you think would make the better Prime Minister?
Neither
16.89% Miliband
Undecided
18.15%
Greens
19.86%
Labour
Cameron
37.84%
32.53%
Will not vote 4.1%
Undecided 4.98%
Conservatives
18.49%
39.86%
Fig. 3: Where will you vote?
Newcastle Home
45.51%
45.51%
Lib Dems 4.45%
Greens launch their “peaceful revolution”
start of a peaceful revolution.” Morgan echoed this sentiment, adding: “People will see how many people Newcastle students were among the are here, and it’s going to convince them members of the Green Party who gath- that it’s not a wasted vote, that it’s not ered in the city centre on Friday for the just three people sat in a room hoping for the best, it’s actually a massive moveregional launch of their manifesto. On a bright and sunny day Party ment that’s taking off.” Magowan is the Green Party candimembers stood in front of Grey’s Monument to officially launch their mani- date for South Jesmond Ward in the festo in the North East, their bright Council elections which take place on 7 green clothes standing out against the May, alongside the general election. Out of the 26 wards, 23 have Green candiblue sky. Lucy Morgan, President of FemSoc dates, 11 of whom are students at Newand one of the Young Greens’ newest castle University. While the popularity of the Greens members, said: “Everyone here’s wearing green – you can’t walk past without amongst students and young voters has been widely reported, noticing it. It’s a lovely day and we’re going “It’s not a wasted the Party attracts a wide range of supporters. to get loads of people passing by who are vote... it’s actually Along with the Young Greens, members of the a massive gonna stop and talk about what the party’s movement that’s Green Party of all ages came to the event from about.” taking off” across the North East. As well as encouragSeveral passers-by did ing people to vote for the Green Party the event also aimed to stop to talk to the candidates, although recruit new members. Since Newcastle’s others called them “bloody hippies” or Young Greens Society was founded last were more interested in the growing October its membership has increased number of emergency vehicles gathered rapidly, reflecting the growth of Green around the entrances to Monument Metro Station. Just minutes before the support nationwide. The Green candidate for Newcastle Green Party’s Manifesto launch was due Central is Alex Johnson, who studied to start, a fire broke out inside the staat Northumbria University. He will be tion, and throughout the Green’s event standing against current MP, Labour’s part of Grey Street was cordoned off. Despite this distraction, the candiChi Onwurah. Robert Magowan, founder of the dates and party members stood for Newcastle University branch of the photographs and talked to passers-by Young Greens, said: “There’s an idea and journalists about their policies. Magowan continued: “It’s been an around here in Newcastle that a vote for the Green Party’s a wasted vote, and amazing vibe today. People really seem that’s the message we’re sending today: to get on board with it and it’s a really it’s absolutely not a wasted vote. It’s the nice message to send out.”
By Mark Sleightholm News Editor
Green means Go! Green Party members gather at their manifesto launch. Images: Mark Sleightholm
6.news
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Uni launches new policy app for young voters By Valentina Egorova A new app Verto has been created, in part by Newcastle University academics, with the aim of making it easier for young people to choose the party to vote for. The app hopes to make the parties’ policies clear and accessible, hopefully making a lack of knowledge about politics to no longer be an obstacle for young people when voting. Verto is a votermatching tool that helps to find the best party representing your views. According to Bite the Ballot, the campaign group that co-created the app alongside the educational think tank Demos, and academic members of the Political Studies Association’s Young People’s Politics specialist research group, it is aimed to be simple, accessible, fast and intuitive. Verto can be accessed on any browser or smart phone, tablet or desktop. After choosing the age, gender and your location, the app provides you with statements on various topics. The user needs only to agree or disagree by swiping left or right. All questions are written in plain English and
the most complex words have links to explanations. The app also informs you about people’s choices from your neighbourhood, showing in statistical and graph formats how members of your community have said to be voting. Bite the Ballot is a not-for-profit group aimed to involve young people in voting and increase voter turn out. Voter Advice Applications are not new tools used in campaigns aiming to increase voter turnout, but Verto is specifically made for young voters both in content and design. As part of Bite the Ballot rhetoric encouraging young voters to utilise their vote, their website argues that those not voting are “being excluded” writing that: “you don’t vote so you cannot punish them”. It then proceeds to advise young people how to go about choosing the party that best represents their views. In their blog Emily Rainsford and Nick Randall, both members of the Political Studies Association’s Young People’s Politics and from the School of Geography, Politics and Sociology at Newcastle, write that Verto is unique in its aim, helping: “to encourage young people to register to vote as well as vote. And if, after using the app, they still don’t know
“The app hopes to make the parties’ policies clear and accessible”
VERTO: the app aims to make voting clearer. Image: Kate Dewey
who to vote for, it will also suggest that they still vote, but spoil the ballot”. The Bite the Ballot campaign, as its website details, believes that young people feel ignored by the government and that this is consequently producing the poor voter turn out amongst young people. It claims that it is not disinterest that causes the poor turnout, but that the majority of young people, “don’t know who to vote for” or feel that the: “parties are all the same”. Rainsford and Randall’s blog reiterates this idea: “Young people are mostly known in the political participation debate for their disengagement from formal politics. “They score the lowest on political interest, they are the least likely to be registered to vote and they are also the least likely to vote. At the same time other evidence suggests that they are still engaging in politics, but in other ways; they volunteer, they sign petitions and boycott unethical products. Young people’s disengagement from voting is still real and worrisome, and it is an issue that is important to address.” Rainsford said: “Although there are many benefits to VAAs [...] there are still some aspects of young voters’ behaviour that we need to explore further. The information we’ll gain from Verto will give us useful data about voter choice that we can feed into future VAAs as well as policy-relevant research.”
The Courier
news.7
Monday 20 April 2015
Societies get into the groove for charity By Kate Dewey News Editor On 12 November Newcastle University will be the first UK institution to take part in a 12 hour dancing challenge, in partnership with the Students’ Union and Alumni Association. The ‘Dance Marathon’ is being held in order to raise money for Future Fund, which is a collaborative project between the University, Great North Children’s Hospital and North of England Children’s Cancer Research. Future Fund aims to raise money to support the development of a state-of-the-art research facility committed to advancing research into childhood cancer. On Wednesday last week students gathered to film a campaign video to advertise the dance marathon. Around 40 students took part in the promotional video, showcasing an array of dancing talents as students from the Salsa, Cheerleading, Pole Dancing, and Street Dance societies took to the stage, dancing alongside Percy, the Union’s lion mascot, also known as Alex Smith, second year Philosophy student. The Indonesian, Hindu and Sikh societies also feature in the video and the whole filming was directed by Amy Macauley, Activities Officer for the Students’ Union. Vilte Balciunaite, second year Media Studies student, utilised her degree skills by filming the event. She said: “The day was perfect for filming and it was great to see so many dancers willing to help and give some of their time for this campaign! It was a busy but really fun day. Feeling a little bit sorry for the mascot who was dancing in a fur costume in this warm weather though!” Charlotte Pearson, Annual Fund Manager for the University, told the
Courier: “The video is produced in the style of Taylor Swift’s ‘Shake It Off ’ with our University Mascot ‘Percy Lion’ himself taking on Taylor’s lead role. Our aim with this video is to give a taster of some of the themed events that will be happening during the Dance Marathon itself and to encourage student groups/ societies/friends and our alumni to get registered for the event!” The event in November will witness a range of different societies and student groups compete in a danceathon, which will run from 11am to 11pm in Venue in the SU. During the event there will be a telephone appeal in which alumni members will call year groups asking them to sponsor a chosen team. In the run up to the event, the participating groups are being challenged to raise around £500 each for Future Fund. When asked why Future Fund was the chosen charity, Pearson commented: “Around 1,600 children are diagnosed with cancer each year in the UK and, despite all the progress, cancer remains one of the main reasons why children from one to 15 years of age die prematurely. “We want to raise awareness of the Future Fund and the role that our University is playing to fight childhood cancer, as well as raising as much money as possible to help those children who are suffering with the side effects of this devastating disease.” The video will make an appearance at the end of the month, and it will be circulated via the University’s Alumni Association’s e-newsletter and social media, and Students’ Union societies enews bulletin. You can register for the Dance Marathon at: http://futurefund.co.uk/dancemarathon/
“The video is produced in the style of Taylor Swift’s ‘Shake It Off’ with the Uni mascot Percy Lion as Taylor”
Fruking students: goods Union to host mental health conference exchange website launched By Iqra Choudhry
By Ashley Williams Online News Editor
Newcastle University is the first in the country to try a new website which offers students an easy way of exchanging goods and services. Last week, stage one Business Management student Andrea Cavallo launched Fruks – which stands for “France-UK students”. Touted as an environmentally friendly exchange of second-hand goods, Cavallo’s website allows students to buy or sell things like books, clothes, or even guitar lessons, to one another at their own universities. Cavallo said he and two friends discovered there wasn’t a way for students to exchange services, and felt the process was too disorganised via Facebook. With Fruks, the business partners hope to offer students structure and convenience. Free of charge, students can create an account with their university email. Students will only be able
to sell items within their specific university’s webpage. Students will also be able to chat directly on the website to the person interested in their goods or services.
“We want to have all of Europe and America using this site”
The developers consider their site trustworthy, because students are selling to other students at their own campuses. Cavallo said: “You can meet at 2 o’ clock in the student union, the person gives the product, they receive the money, and they’re finished. So it’s really great. “ While he studies at Newcastle, the 20-year-old continues to head the UK development of Fruks, while his friends make steady progress with the business in French universities. Meanwhile their team has expanded
to five members, as Newcastle University students Alex Brazier and Ali Sheehan-Dare contribute their web development skills to the project. Brazier said: “For the project I’m mainly focused on the functionality of the website, and Ali is working more on the design part; however we are both doing a bit of each.” The computer science students’ involvement in Fruks started with the entrepreneurial assistance programme Rise Up, which is part of the University’s Careers Service. Brazier said: “We then met with Andrea and one of his business partners from France and got involved almost straight away.” The developers plan to expand access to Durham, Cambridge, and other Russell Group universities. The Fruks team has big plans for the website, which Cavallo believes may take a couple more years to develop. He said: “We really want to grow as fast as possible, and have all of Europe using this site, as well as universities in America, and universities everywhere.”
On Saturday 25 April, Mind The Gap will be hosting their second annual conference at the Students’ Union. The conference is aimed at educating students around campus and the general public about mental health conditions, reducing the stigma around mental health and promoting student wellbeing. The day has been organised Welfare and Equality Officer, Olivia Jeffery, alongside Mind The Gap. A study carried out in 2013 by NUS found that 20% of students in UK higher education suffer from a diagnosed mental health problem. Beth Watt, Secretary for the society said: “Student mental health is clearly such a crucial topic, and Mind the Gap are determined to speak up for and reach out to those students who are suffering, and get them the help they need.” The day’s sessions are split into three areas: Knowledge, Misconceptions and Wellbeing. The Knowledge sessions focus on educating about mental health, with varied talks such as ‘Wonders of Lithium’, ‘Body Dysmorphic Disorder
and Assessment For Cosmetic Surgery’. Misconception sessions focus a little more on tackling the stigma around mental health conditions, and promoting discussion around topics such as ‘Mental Health in Healthcare’ and ‘Misconceptions Around Self-Harm’. The Wellbeing sessions are more proactively inclined, with discussions such as ‘Art Therapy’, with a focus on promoting self-care; looking after yourself and your mental health, regardless of whether you suffer from a mental health condition or not. There will also be a series of different interactive activities around the Students’ Union. The Sensory Room will allow people to explore the different phobias which might make everyday life difficult – having been quite the talking point last year, President of Mind The Gap Charlotte Maxwell is determined that this year, it will be bigger and better. The art installation and media room and the Mental Health Fayre will again be present. With the provision of a Quiet Zone too, there’s a chance to sit and reflect on the day’s events and sessions.
Monday 20 April 2015
8.nationalstudentnews
NEWSTACK Facebook’s nipple ban
The Courier
Sabbs  revisited: Â
Emily  Waller
Edinburgh
Job  Title:  The  Times  University  Manager  2015-Â2016 Employer:  High  Fliers  Research  Ltd Closing  Date:  31/05/15 Salary:  £10+  per  hour Basic  job  description:  High  Fliers  Research  Ltd  are  looking  for  enthusiastic,  committed  and  innovative  individuals  to  work  as  University  Managers  at  30  leading  universities  across  the  UK.  All  30  University  Managers  will  provide  vital  support  to  the  Student  Research  Manager  by  coordinating  a  variety  of  campus  based  market  research  and  project  manage- PHQW WDVNV ,W LV D FKDOOHQJLQJ SRVLWLRQ IRU D Âż QDO year  student,  but  if  you  are  successful  you  will  enjoy  FRPSHWLWLYH EHQHÂż WV DQG JDLQ LQYDOXDEOH H[SHULHQFH to  take  to  future  graduate  employers.  The  ideal  can- didate  will  be  sociable  and  have  a  good  knowledge  of  their  campus,  with  connections  to  societies  and  clubs.  They  must  be  able  to  plan  and  organise  ef- ¿ FLHQWO\ DQG KDYH WKH DELOLW\ WR ZRUN LQGHSHQGHQWO\ using  their  initiative  to  deliver  the  task  at  hand  on  WLPH DQG WR D KLJK VWDQGDUG ([FHOOHQW FRPPXQLFD tion  and  leadership  skills  are  imperative,  as  the  main  task  will  involve  recruiting,  managing  and  motivating  your  own  team.  You  will  conduct  a  number  of  tasks  GXULQJ 6HPHVWHUV DQG WKH ODUJHVW RI ZKLFK ZLOO be  to  manage  The  Times  Final  Year  Student  Survey.  The  results  of  the  Survey  will  be  presented  to  the  UK’s  top  graduate  employers  in  spring  2016.  3HUVRQ UHTXLUHPHQWV $SSO\ QRZ LI \RX DUH ‡ (QWHU LQJ WKH Âż QDO \HDU RI \RXU VWXG\ LQ 6HSWHPEHU ‡ $Q RXWJRLQJ LQGLYLGXDO ZLWK H[FHOOHQW FRPPXQLFD WLRQ VNLOOV ‡ 5HOLDEOH DQG FRPPLWWHG ‡ $EOH WR ULVH WR D FKDOOHQJH ‡ 6HOI PRWLYDWHG DQG GULYHQ ‡ 'HGLFDWHG and  able  to  give  up  to  10  hours  a  week  (during  busy  periods). Location:  On  university  campus Job  Title:  Marquee  Riggers Employer:  Collingwood  Marquees Closing  Date:  01/09/15 6DODU\ Â… Â… SHU KRXU GHSHQGLQJ RQ H[SHULHQFH Basic  job  description:  Duties  include  loading  and  unloading,  driving  to  and  from  site  and  working  with  a  team  erecting  and  DE  rigging  marquees.  Part  time,  various  hours.  Person  requirements:  Good  communication  and  team  work  skills  and  the  ability  to  work  hard  and  long  hours  including  weekends  and  bank  holidays.  A  driving  license  is  not  essential  but  as  some  driving  could  be  involved  this  would  be  advantageous  to  the  post. Location:  Areas  around  the  North  East  region Job  Title:   Street  Team  Member Employer:  Coast  To  Coast  Restaurant  &  Bar Closing  Date:  01/06/15 Salary:  £6.50  per  hour  +  commission %DVLF MRE GHVFULSWLRQ 'XWLHV ZLOO LQFOXGH OHDĂ€ HWLQJ promotional  activities  and  assisting  at  events  as  well  as  restaurant  work,  as  and  when  required.  Part  time  -  YDULRXV KRXUV WR Âż W DURXQG \RXU VWXGLHV Person  requirements:  Candidates  must  be  outgoing,  friendly,  able  to  sell  and  genuinely  enjoy  meeting  and  communicating  with  people.  Candidates  must  EH Ă€ H[LEOH DQG DEOH WR ZRUN GXULQJ WKH GD\ DQG LQ the  evening  as  well  as  on  weekends. Location:  The  Gate,  Newcastle  upon  Tyne. Job  Title:  Newcastle  -  Security  Stewards Employer:  G4S Closing  Date:  30/05/15 Salary:  £7.50  -  £8.50  per  hour Basic  job  description:  Do  you  want  to  be  part  of  an  H[FLWLQJ HYHQWV WHDP LQ FRYHULQJ HYHQWV VXFK as  the  Rugby  World  Cup  and  the  Open  Golf  Cham- pionships  and  other  regional  events.  Do  you  hold  a  valid  SIA  Door  Supervisor  badge?  If  so,  please  read  on.  G4S  Events  is  Europe’s  leading  independent  pro- vider  of  event  security  and  crowd  management  ser- vices.  G4S  are  currently  recruiting  security  person- nel  to  work  as  part  of  our  Events  Team  in  2015.  You  will  be  working  as  part  of  an  enthusiastic  team  that  helps  to  keep  events  safe  and  secure  throughout.   Events  in  the  past  have  included  T  in  the  Park,  The  Grand  National,  Wimbledon  and  the  Commonwealth  Games.  In  addition  to  work  in  your  local  area  you  may  on  occasion  be  given  the  opportunity  to  work  at  other  events  in  the  UK.  Hours  vary  but  stewards  get  at  least  one  5  hour  shift  each  week.  Role  Respon-Â
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An Edinburgh feminist campaign including messages against oppression written on students’ bodies faces Facebook censorship. Body Talk Edinburgh’s “behind-the-scene� images of a woman in her bra and a naked woman are said to clash with Facebook’s nudity policy. Chris Belous, the campaign organiser and a former Feminist Society president, asked in her blog: “Are female nipples more offensive than male nipples? Is a photo of a woman in her bra – as opposed to a bikini bra – really so hard to stomach? Do the women and non-binary people in these photos really not have the right to use Facebook as a platform if they show too much skin – skin which, if shown by male bodies, is not a problem?� Facebook explained: “Our policies can sometimes be more blunt than we would like and restrict content shared for legitimate purposes. We are always working to get better at evaluating this content and enforcing our standards.�
Giant balls on the run Portsmouth
A student will race in this year’s London Marathon dressed as a pair of testicles to raise awareness and money for male cancer. Jack Woodward’s flatmate, 21, died of testicular cancer a month after diagnosis. His sudden death “shocked and surprised� his friends who are now taking part in different fundraising events. Woodward encourages people to pay more attention to their bodies and check them regularly. He said: “We really want to get this message across and hope by running in the costume that more people will notice the cause.� Laura Hurding, from Male Cancer Awareness Campaign, said: “Jack’s story about his friend Rob tragically highlights the importance of men knowing the early signs of testicular cancer and not feeling embarrassed to seek medical advice. “Jack’s challenge will help raise awareness of testicular cancer and hopefully many young men’s lives can be saved.�
Fife’s first E-Car club St Andrews
With its 13 electric vehicles, St Andrews is seen as Scotland’s most eco-friendly city which is effectively cutting down on carbon emissions. Derek Watson, Quaestor and Factor of the University of St Andrews, said: “St Andrews is a place of exciting journeys; a place pilgrims travelled to, students pack their bags for, and a point of departure for great ideas. I’m confident the E-Car Club will prove to be another of those great ideas - improving transport access for staff, students and the local community. We hope that by offering access to a low carbon form of transport, we can work together to reduce the cost and environmental impact of each journey undertaken.� The electric vehicles, which are available for hire by visitors and residents, can travel up to 90 miles on a single charge.
Oxbridge boat race Oxford and Cambridge
Oxford handily defeated Cambridge in the annual University Boat Race on the Thames on 11 April. This year’s race was historic, as for the first time since its beginning in 1829, both women and men took part at the same time and place. Previously seen as “unladylike�, the women’s race used to take place a mile outside Oxford, a week before the men’s competition, and received no media attention. Oxford University Women’s Boat Club President Anastasia Chitty said: “It’s a really special moment, something I’ve been working towards for three years. “It’s even more special because so many women [have] not had this opportunity so it’s really humbling.� Oxford won both women’s and men’s races surrounded by about quarter of a million spectators. Christine Wilson, the Oxford women’s team coach, said: “This is not just a boat race. This is about changing society’s perspectives.� Maria-Magdalena Manolova
As  the  Union  welcomes  Luke  Allison  as  its  new  Welfare  and  (TXDOLW\ 2I¿ FHU  News  Editor  Mark  Sleightholm  catches  up  with  Emily  :DOOHU ZKR KHOG WKH SRVW LQ So Emily, what have you been up to since you left? I started a full-time job in Edinburgh two weeks after I finished my sabb position, so it’s been pretty busy since I left! I’m now working as a Welfare Advisor for students at Edinburgh Uni, so giving advice on wellbeing issues, housing, finance etc. I’ve also just started doing some charity volunteering in my free time. So sticking to the charity/ working in helping people theme, which was always the plan and which being Welfare and Equality Officer set me up well for. What is your favourite memory of being a sabb? I really made some pals for life when I was a sabb, which was a huge part of the experience – you work so closely with people you might otherwise never spend time with and that can be an awesome thing! Aside from that, my best memory of being a sabb was definitely seeing Mind the Gap, NUSU’s first mental health conference, come together and also seeing the result of a lot of effort on mine and my colleagues’ part. It was a really great experience and I’m really proud we managed to pull off that conference and put mental health back at the top of the NUSU agenda! Seeing how much it meant to a lot of students and working with a lot of incredible, passionate people who’d had experience of mental health issues themselves was a massive privilege. Do you have any advice for the incoming Welfare and Equality officer? My advice for the new Welfare and Equality Officer would always be - stick to your guns! If you’re passionate about something and you think it needs to be done, then go for it. Stand up for what you believe in and you can achieve some really meaningful things. It’s easy to just continue the campaigns that have been rolling on for years, but you have the chance to really put some under-prioritised issues back on the agenda, so take advantage of that! Plus the sabb year flies by, so get it done while you have the chance! Are there any specific policies that you didn’t get chance to implement but would like to see happen? Like I said, the year does go by in a flash, so there will always be things that you don’t quite manage to fit in - I really would have liked to push on with the Sexual Harassment Reporting Procedure stuff that I started, and I would have loved to ensure that before I left there was a solid procedure in place for how NUSU and the Uni dealt with reports of sexual harassment, and make sure that students knew there was a solid system they could use. So that is something I would love to see future sabbs working on, because I think it’s such an important issue that can too easily get pushed to the back burner. So what are you plans for the years ahead? In terms of the year ahead, I’m hoping to stay on in Edinburgh and in advising for a while, and then I will see where the future takes me! A future in the charity sector is something I’m really passionate about so that’s the career plan, but I’d also love to get some proper travelling done in the next few years, so we’ll see what happens!
The Courier
.9
Monday 20 April 2015
Comment Clinton on the cards
Comment Editors: Victoria Armstrong & Matt Corden Online Comment Editor: Ruth Davis courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment
thecourieronline.co.uk/comment
Following on from Hillary Clinton’s announcement last week that she would attempt to gain the Democratic nomination and enter the 2016 Presidential Race, A Alexandra lexandra Lyon UHÀ yon HFWV on her merits as a politician, a prior First Lady and a woman
I
t’s fair to say that Hillary Rodham Clinton is a hell of a woman. Despite anyone’s opinion of her, it cannot be denied that in a political sphere of power-hungry male politicians she has held her own with remarkable stealth. After gaining her law degree from Yale in 1973, she gained experience as a Congressional legal councillor, was named the first female chair of the Legal Services Corporation, and subsequently the first female partner at Rose Law Firm. While her husband Bill Clinton was acting as governor of Arkansas, she led the way for educational reform across the state and was on the board of directors for several large corporations, Wal-Mart included. She then went on to become the first woman ever to be elected Senator for New York, and the only First Lady in history to run for office. She was elected to congress again in 2006, involved closely in congressional administration and was made Secretary of State from 2009 to 2013. Why all of this detail, you might ask? It is important to stress just how much political experience Hillary has under her belt. Unsurprisingly, despite all of these firsts, all of these incredible achievements – there is still a large consensus that she is ill-equipped to become President of the USA, the role she will be campaigning for next year. The question is, would a male candidate with the same plethora of experience be scrutinised to the same extent? We all know the answer to that one. From a feminist perspective, it is an unbelievable triumph to even imagine the very real possibility that she could win the election. None of the men reading this will ever understand what it feels like, to know that no woman has ever been thought capable of leading America. To know that despite years of hard work and constant reaching, most women in American politics never make it past local-level bureaucratic positions. To be fair, it really is no wonder that so many women have been discouraged from even trying to enter the field of politics. Similarly, in Great Britain, it is the case that the government is very much a rich, white boys club. Margaret Thatcher, the only woman to ever become Prime Minister in the UK, made mistakes
What others think... “I don’t really know that much about her” Mark Sleightholm
that upset a large demographic in her time in power. Consequently, she has set the tone for all other women in Britain that want to lead. One woman’s problematic decisions have affected how every female MP is perceived by male voters and politicians. I cannot think of one male Prime Minister who has not made errors or enacted unpopular policies during his term.
“From a feminist perspective, it is an unbelievable triumph to even imagine the very real possibility that she could win the election”
It is no surprise, again, that no-one says “maybe we shouldn’t have another male PM, look what happened last time!” Hillary Clinton faces what is perhaps an even greater challenge – she has no other women to measure herself against. If American people have lived up to one stereotype over time, it is that many of them do not like to go against the status quo. How will Hillary fare in the elections, when in some states being gay is still a criminal offence? Despite her obvious brilliance in Congress and the Senate, is it enough? Will it ever be enough? One of the biggest criticisms that Hillary faces is working her way up the political ranks “on the back of her husband Bill.” While it is true that Hillary was the First Lady of America while Bill was president between 1993 and 2001, she established herself firmly before he was elected. They studied alongside each other and always aspired towards the same goal of presidency – individually. Hillary Clinton probably has been helped by her last name to achieve many things, and yes, that is disappointing. Can we blame her for that? She has proven her own worth all along, and if her associa-
tion with Bill has boosted her progress, we are certainly in no position to judge her for it. It is possible (and likely) that if she tried to go it completely alone as a Rodham, we probably wouldn’t have heard of her. That’s the sad truth. However, we have heard of her, and she has a chance to become the first ever female president. It would be a lie to say that her work and progress have not been reflective of her prowess and ability; if her marriage has pushed her even further forward, so be it. Hillary Clinton is not perfect. The two first words of her twitter bio are “wife” and “grandma”. She even mentions how good she is at doing her hair. Personally, if I was running for President, I wouldn’t want my marital and family status to be seen as the first and foremost important thing about me. While both of those things are undeniably huge aspects of her life, it is important in the working world for women to be seen as more than wives and grand/mothers. I don’t know how Hillary will protect abortion rights, protect black people from white police officers, protect the trans community, protect gay rights, protect children from guns. But I know for certain that I would love to see her try. NRA president Wayne LaPierre said last week, in regard to Obama and Clinton, that: “Eight years of one demographically symbolic president is enough.” It is absolutely not enough. I want a woman president. I want a Hispanic president. I want a gay president. Straight white men have held the baton of presidency since 1776. That’s quite enough of that. Women make up half of the American population, Hillary Clinton is speaking on behalf of those glorious millions. We should be able to live in a world where men don’t get to control a woman’s uterus. Hillary Clinton is white, and undeniably middle class. But if she gets elected as President next year, we will be one more minority group away from being taken seriously as human beings. If I was American, she would have my vote.
“At the end of the day she will, as a Democrat, always and forever be the lesser of two evils compared to the nightmare Republicans. By virtue of not being unconditionally pro-arms and pro-war, she has my support.” Ruth Davis
“LGBT rights have seen great progressions under Obama, and Hillary is committed to continuing that work, and recognising such rights for what they are: basic human rights, and that is something which can’t be downplayed” Victoria Armstrong
Image: White House
10.comment
SOAP BOX
VOTE FOR ICE CREAM
Ice cream is great. Getting things for free is also great. So free ice cream is really great. It’s odd then, that as I’m writing this, I’m about to complain about free ice cream. Outside some of the university halls there has recently been the unusual presence of an ice cream van. First of all, I thought this was just a lovely sign of summer – but no, it’s a bribe to get students to register to vote. Sounds great, no? Register to vote, and get a free 99 Flake. In theory, yes – but in practice I think it highlights serious flaws of the voting system. Technically, everyone who is eligible to vote has to. Not everyone does, and hardly anyone gets caught or fined for not voting, but technically you should and could be fined if you don’t vote. Should this really be the case? Should someone who cares so little about voting (and presumably, party policies) that they will only do it for free ice cream really have an impact on our next government? I’m not so sure, and I really do like 99 Flakes. Antonia Cundy
NEW LABOUR The Conservatives have made a lot recently of New Labour’s supposed economic incompetence; indeed it has formed the basis of their election campaign (see the umpteen mentions of ‘Labour chaos’). For probably the first time in their lives, the Conservatives are being liberal with something. Unfortunately, that ‘something’ is the truth. Let’s look first at the claims of excessive borrowing and spending by Labour. Until 2001, Labour followed the spending plans set out by John Major’s government. Post-2001 they spent more, but spending remained lower than it had been under the Conservatives, until the global economic crisis in 2008 caused spending to increase. Debt remained at a historic low under Labour (it has since increased under the coalition). At the same time, the minimum wage was increased and people got richer and richer whilst employment fell lower and lower, and despite an increase caused by the economic crash, still remained lower than under Thatcher. Given that they also achieved a huge drop in poverty and saw huge improvements in the NHS during this time, it’s worth considering this on May 7th. Jake Harrison
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Not just a pretty face The run-up to this year’s election has reinforced the idea that a prospective leader of the country has to ‘look right’ - but that’s no way to run a democracy
I
Daniel Robertson
t is in this age of interconnection that the personal appearances of our political representatives have become a fundamental target of the excessive ‘mediaization’ of UK politics. In the lead up the 2015 General Election on May 7th, all eyes have been fixed unblinkingly upon local politicians and political leaders alike. You may have mistook parts of the media coverage surrounding the upcoming elections with reruns of ‘Man vs. Food’ in the way that the way in which politicians eat their food has been so highly publicised. The confusion may not have
been helped by the merging of Party leaflets and voting registration letters with the promotional takeaway flyers currently scattering the floors of our downstairs hallways. Just when we thought that Labour Ed Milliband’s
“You’d better hope that your least favourite leader doesn’t manage to chow down on a burrito without spilling it down themselves, or you may not be too happy with the election results”
‘infamous’ (a term I use with much disdain) bacon sandwich disaster (a moment he must look upon with much disdain) was behind us, Mr. Cameron’s use of a knife and fork to eat a hotdog whilst at an intimate BBQ this month has shaken up a political frenzy once more. Yes, yes this really has been news. These incidents of course are of a very exaggeratory and amusing nature, but it does however call into question the real impact of public appearances in the political media. How much will the onslaught of public characterisations of politicians effect the coming elections to which political Party values we vote for? With MIT gathering research in recent years over this very question, researchers such as Gabriel Lenz have stated
how “universal people’s judgements are about who should be their right leaders”. Such qualities become exemplified as a “good-looking leader”; someone that gives off a sense of dominance, attractiveness and associability that are distinguishable to a voter as attractive in a political leader. We can identify this in Nick Clegg’s likability and Nigel Farage’s charisma, to put it kindly, relating to the successes of their respective parties in recent years. The televised UK Leaders’ Debates this past month have arguably have been one of the most crucial platforms for the UK Party leader in promoting the values to voters – and luckily all the leaders ate in private before the show aired. The debates included the “worm” graph, which plots the reactions to the political leaders by a small group of undecided voters. This act of entertainment has been attacked as being harmful for democracy, drawing too much public attention on the televised appearances of politicians rather than a focus on policies at hand - leading to a mass of ‘uninformed voters’. Despite the obvious necessity for the image of strong leadership to show conviction and competency, are our judgements on political Parties being muddied by which political leader appeals to us more? A little perspective may be needed as there is more to a Party than the appearance of its leader in the media. You’d better hope that your least favourite political leader doesn’t manage to chow down on a burrito on TV without spilling it down themselves before May 7th, else you may not be happy with the election results this year.
BLACKBOARD Blackboard, the bane of my life! Never has a piece of software stressed out so many students and lecturers alike. Lecturers don’t understand it, and students don’t bother checking it, which further annoys lecturers. There’s nothing quite like trying to submit an essay via Blackboard on the day it’s due in, and the whole thing just not working. Cue a flurry of panicked emails to beleaguered lecturers and school staff. Luckily, they know that Blackboard is the bane of everyone’s existence and are normally quite understanding over the whole affair. But seriously, who thought to devise such a junky piece of software, which has the sole purpose of making things as unnecessarily difficult as possible? Why are lecturers allowed to customise the layout and theme of their module’s Blackboard website? It just throws me right off, and only leads to even more confusion and panic. Surely it would be better to have a standardised way of doing things across all modules? Better still, why not teach everyone, staff or student, to actually be able to use Blackboard properly, and not just to be left to muddle along. Jack Parker
KNLphotos2010 @ Flickr
The Courier
comment.11
Monday 20 April 2015
Before complaining about a new strip club, think about who you condemn With The Den set to become a table-dancing club next month, we must remember not to demonise or patronise women who work there
I
Lucy Morgan
women employed as dancers, and that we must ‘save’ them. This assumption that all women who work in the sex industry need saving is actually instrumental in denying women their agency. If a woman chooses to work in a strip club, then we must assume that she is capable of making that decision - she is not merely the victim of objectification playing into the hands of the patriarchy. Instead of rushing to ‘save’ women who work in the sex industry or manically handing out cardigans to them, as Caitlin Moran would have us all do, we need to demand that they receive proper employment rights: acceptable and regular shift patterns, better changing facilities, and legal support for those who have been unfairly dismissed.
n the coming month, Newcastle gets to look forward to the arrival of its fifth ‘adult entertainment venue’ - more commonly known as a strip club. The general reaction has been one of nervousness, discomfort and concern for Newcastle’s ‘family friendly’ image. This unease is to be expected: strip clubs all over the country are associated with seediness. Indeed, popular feminist Caitlin Moran declared them ‘arenas of abuse’. I am interested in where these notions of ‘seediness’ emanate from - who are we really complaining about when we whine over the emergence of a new strip club? I’m not going to pretend that men who frequent strip clubs don’t repulse me - they really do. However, are the punters really to blame for the ‘seedy’ reputation strip clubs have? After all, they are merely paying entry to a perfectly legal place, which caters to their perceived needs. You don’t need a pretty face or a perfect pair of tits to enter a strip club; often you just need to look like you might have a dick, or be accompanied by someone who might have a dick. I will be interested to find out what the club’s policy is regarding whether people of all genders are permitted entry. Indeed, strip clubs are allowed to refuse entry to any unaccompanied woman! Obviously, many strip clubs radically do allow unaccompanied women in, however they are not the target audience. Much like heterosexual porn: strip clubs are designed for male arousal. Funnily enough, it’s the women who work as dancers in strip clubs who are left out of all conversation regarding whether or not strip clubs are ‘appropriate’. Those discussing the pros and cons of strip clubs often unconsciously objectify the dancers, as they refuse to see them as anything more than a body to be purchased. Feminists are not immune from this bias - far from it. Many feminists, often (but not always) sex work exclusionary radical feminists (SWERFs) argue that a strip club will be demeaning for any
“Instead of rushing in to hand out cardigans to people who work in the sex industry, we need to demand that they receive proper employment rights”
Sadly, we still live in a capitalist patriarchy and the people who keep setting up new strip clubs are gleefully aware of this. Everywhere you look, women’s bodies are being sold: whether it be on the top shelf of a newsagents, the side of a bus, the background of a Robin Thicke video or through the medium of dance in a strip club. Demonising or victimising women who work in strip clubs is absolutely no use to anyone - especially not to them. They are simply women doing a job, a job which there is huge demand for. If you are offended by the prevalence of strip clubs, aim your disgust at the society that decided women’s bodies were entertainment. Aim your disgust at the people who recognise that women are being objectified and chose to exploit this for their own gain, rather than challenging it.
Time to drop the stigma
The rush to blame the Germanwings tragedy on the co-pilot’s history of mental health issues was unhelpful, dangerous and downright shameful really relevant to the plane crash? The media should question where this judgement ends. Who next, speculate about someone’s mental health un- doctors and teachers? Should people with mental Cinthu not less the facts are clear. They should not have helped illnesses be allowed into any profession? Physical Vivehananthan fuel the stigma against mental health, but instead and mental health examinations are important, but
O
ne of the outrageous headlines which appeared following the devastating tragedy of the Germanwings crash, was ‘Madman in cockpit’. This was after it became apparent that the co-pilot Andreas Lubitz was deliberately responsible, and supposedly had a history of depression. The media went into a frankly disgraceful frenzy, with both depression and mental health in general being stigmatised left, right and centre. The suggestion was that the pilot’s depression explained his actions, and such a causal link and simplistic view between the two is abhorrent. It is also irresponsible, especially because people with severe mental illnesses are more likely to be the victims of violent crime than the perpetrators of these crimes. Making assumptions about the risk of people with depression or other mental illnesses only serves to drive this fear mongering further. Is ‘madman’ appropriate language to describe someone suffering from a mental illness? And is it
aim to dispel it by encouraging people to seek help, raise awareness and challenge attitudes. The media failed. Disastrously. They jumped to conclusions
“The media went into a frankly disgraceful frenzy”
claiming a causative link between depression and murder-suicide. One third of newspaper coverage on mental health focuses on the danger it causes to others, and the media needs to stop linking violence and danger with mental health problems. Nine out of ten people with mental health problems say stigma has a negative effect on their lives. Stigma is real, and is why it is so important to dispel myths, raise awareness and ensure we stick to the facts about mental illness. Stating as a fact that people with depression are dangerous to be employed as pilots makes you
you should not make assumptions about people with depression. It is possible to be a functioning person with depression, but as with any illness, if you are seriously ill with it then you should not be flying a plane. One thing is for sure, there is no causative link - depression does not make you kill people. There are many pilots suffering from depression who have flown safely, as there are in all professions. Depression does not define a person. It affects around 20% of adults and these individuals are around us in all professions, thus having the illness doesn’t necessarily make you unfit for work. The scare mongering will only serve to encourage people to hide their illness and increase fear of seeking help, which may lead to further cycle of illness. Mental health is stigmatised in all walks of life, and people are afraid to speak out about it in fear of the effect on the career and being judged. Depression does not make you a danger to society and we need to stop ignorantly demonising depression and encourage people with mental illnesses to speak out about it and seek help.
Still think they’re all the same? The televised debates portray the variety in modern British politics
A
Scott Houghton
few weeks ago, on the 2nd of April, Britain had its first ever seven-way leaders debate on ITV, and many people were shocked. Not because it was a farce, which is what you’d expect from our low standard of efficiency and customer service, but because it was a genuine triumph – British politics actually worked, it got something done. It was as though you could hear the buzz on Twitter in America at the absurdity of it. ‘Really, seven parties?!’ I saw someone from Texas tweet. The US claims it has the greatest democracy in the world, indeed it is the second biggest and arguably the most stable historically, yet they only have two parties, which are very much alike. America doesn’t have a genuine political vehicle; they have a very conservative government, and one that is a bit less conservative. We have just been given a taste of the rich buffet of political ideas available.
“The cynics amongst us may well question whether the elections are simply a popularity contest” We should be very proud that challengers to the status quo were allowed a soapbox, whether left or right, and the old dogs of British politics were given theirs too. Despite having three-party politics for so long, many have become frustrated with the political establishment. Difficult days have sent us flooding into the arms of fringe parties, and before the corpse of the Scottish Referendum’s ‘Yes’ was even cold, Westminster was alight with talk of ‘English votes for English laws.’ Modern Britain is an angry Britain. It’s a Britain looking for someone to blame for our hard times - scapegoats have been found and bogeymen are still hidden from view. No matter how you vote on 7th May, answers and solutions will not be solved instantaneously, or all at once. However, their proposed plans can be held up to scrutiny and they do go on record, meaning at that moment they are under the biggest magnifying glass we have. What is important is that the nation was provided with what is on offer, it doesn’t matter that people in the rest of the UK can’t vote for the SNP or Plaid Cymru (the latter is only the fourth biggest party in Wales), but they were all given representation. At last, it seemed that the establishment realised the UK is not just made up of London.
“The grand scale consists of occasionally amusing references to TV programmes and some bizarre facial expressions”
I’m very proud of the debates, but they do have their problems, such as David Cameron desperately trying to wrangle out of them, and the previous debates where the leaders’ questions were so obviously watered down (as if the best question to ask Ed Miliband was ‘why so gloomy?’), but it’s definitely a step in the right direction for our democracy. It enables the leaders to talk about what’s important as opposed to the petty media fussing over peoples’ kitchens or what the leaders’ partners are doing. This election is filled with polls, newspapers publish the days’ polls in print and social media like it’s the Grand National, we can keep up to date with it on our phones whilst we’re in McDonalds or taking a bath, say. The world is changing, but we still need an allotted time where all our prospective leaders can stand up and debate safe in the knowledge that they are equally represented, treated fairly, and given time to explain their points. This harks back to the Ancient Greek era, yet it peers into the future with a whiff of optimism and naked hope.
12.lifestyle
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Lifestyle Editors: Jack Dempsey, Annie Lord, Holly Suttle & Tom Tibble
On yer bike Holly Suttle wants to ride her bicycle, and here’s why she thinks you should too
Al fresco drinking: the Toon’s best beer gardens Fancy a pint outside, but can’t deal with the crowds on Ozzy Road? Editor Tom Nicholson presents his guide to Newcastle’s best lesser- known out-of-doors chill-zones
S
ummer is fast approaching, and I have recently discovered the best (and cheapest) way for a student to travel. Bike. Want to go travelling but have no money? Stay in the UK. You can’t even afford a basic train ticket? Not even online? Cycle it. This weekend just passed, I took a little trip down to the Lake District. Now, although I don’t recommend it for people who simply cannot stand hilly areas, it was probably the best mini-holiday I have ever had. The views were beautiful, the weather was nearly hitting 20 degrees, and somehow I did not see a single drop of that watery substance that falls from clouds. It was pure bliss. If you have a basic level of fitness, cycling is not something you would seriously need to train for when you are travelling. You can simply go at a leisurely pace and take all the time you need. Just remember to get some bike lights if you plan to get there in the dark!
“I did not see a single drop of that watery substance that falls from the clouds”
Forget about going to Spain, or Amsterdam, we can get trashed here in the Toon. Why pay to go drinking somewhere else? And no, the answer is not “It’s sunny there” because I am well informed by Google weather that it is in fact raining in Spain (and not just on the plain) and that Amsterdam is a scorching 12 degrees Celsius. It’s still hotter here guys, take it or leave it. Save your mega huge travelling plans for the end of summer, when you have the money from that awful summer job and can do whatever you want, including going round Europe and paying to drink in Euros instead of British Pounds. Whilst you are still tied down to staying in good, old England, why not take a look at some of the places the United Kingdom has to offer – or just plan ahead in case the next government decides to quit the European Union (a disaster and horrendous nightmare for all of us Europe-loving travellers). You might find there is a lot more here than you realised.
“Why not even cycle to Durham for the day? It’s not shit, I promise” Cycling is not only the cheapest way to travel, but the healthiest, and not only for you. Mother Nature likes it when you cycle too. Unlike driving, you’re not emitting masses of fumes such as carbon monoxide. Another win for the bike. If you don’t have a bike, then it might be worth investing in one. Otherwise, serious bike envy might affect your emotional health during exam period when you see your best mate cycling through the sunshine into Uni with a soft breeze rushing coolly through their hair, as you are stuck on a sweat-inducing metro ride, pushed against the sea of other heavily perspiring commuters. Sound like fun? I think not. Go visit your friends at other Universities, or just go for a picnic in Jesmond Dene (if you can’t be bothered to cycle far). Why not even cycle to Durham for the day? You’ll save the money, and feel great afterwards. It’s not that far, I promise.
The Free Trade Inn
The view from the Free Trade (Flickr: ChrisPerriman)
St Lawrence Road, Ouseburn
Tokyo
Bridge Tavern
17 Westgate Road
7 Akenside Hill
Decent beer gardens in the centre of town are rather harder to find than out in the suburbs, but if you head toward central station there are some pearlers. Tokyo’s is a case in point – less a traditional beer garden than a poised, fragrant, inner city spa nestled within artfully grubby brickwork. If it were on Grand Designs, Kevin McCloud would probably describe its seamless transition from indoor Turkish-styled lounge to outdoor post-industrial chic as “an extraordinary and daring collision of forms and temporal experiences”, or something similarly wanky.
The Stand
High Bridge Street A similar example of the genre is the comedy club’s back yard, a tranquil, high-walled courtyard which manages to block out the noise of the city so effectively you’d think you were in a vaguely art deco country house of the kind which characters in Edwardian novels escape to in order to ‘recover their nerves’ (read: chill out, have some bevs, and bollock some servants in peace). It’s an intensely effective sun-trap too, with the white glass tiles lining its inner sanctum reflecting the rays around to (QUITE LITERALLY) dazzling effect. Head into the Stand itself after a couple of drinks and six hours in the sun - everything’s funnier when your faculties are impaired by mild sunstroke.
Full disclosure: this is much more like a glorified smoking area than a proper beer garden, per se (if memory serves, there’s an actual carpet out there rather than the traditional decking/gravel/grass/astro turf/Persian rug but I may be wrong), but its location and business class-leaning design touches give it more than enough credit to join this list. Apart from anything else, it’s settled snugly underneath the Tyne Bridge, so as well as giving you a decent opportunity to inspect the superlative rivet work on the city’s most famous cultural totem, you’re insured against passing showers.
The Cluny 36 Lime Street, Ouseburn There are few things which scream ‘DRINK ON ME’ more loudly than a gently sloping grassy knoll, and the Cluny can supply you with a classic of the genre replete with granite steps cut into the hillock for those of your party who suffer the cruel blight of hayfever to perch upon. It’s settled fairly snugly under Byker Bridge, and those of an industrial history persuasion might be interested in a tour round the Victorian railway bridge further up the valley. On top of that you’re right next to Ouseburn Farm, so if you fancy you can go and have a quiet pint with two absolutely massive pigs called Babushka and Fizziwig. They are REALLY MASSIVE.
A regular on lists of great beer gardens in the area, the Free Trade redefines the parameters of what a beer garden can be. With one part of the garden rising in tiers behind the pub and a second across the road, you’ll not struggle for a place to perch. Naturally, you’ve got your traditional seats and tables arrangement – they may be pretty bohemian in Ouseburn, but they’re still wedded to traditional notions of ‘sitting down’ – and from time to time there’ll be a BBQ up there too. However, it’s not the promise of a place to park one’s arse which keeps the Free Trade rammed between April and September; it’s the spectacular view up the Tyne and toward the bridges which the garden looks out upon. With future building developments in the Ouseburn valley at Malmo Quay threatening to eat into this view, you might want to make sure you get a chance to luxuriate in it while you still can. I know this isn’t strictly relevant to the beer garden, but the Free Trade’s cat, Craig David, wears a GPS tracker on his collar so it’s always possible to hunt him down if you’re particularly in need of some frantic stress-relieving snuggles during these difficult essay-laden times.
The Telegraph 7 Akenside Hill
Out of the back of this fairly spit-and-sawdust type place behind central station, you can head up to a completely unexpectedly decent bit decking with views across the Tyne which, by dint of being from further upstream than you might be used to, veer from the typical and give a sense of seclusion.
The Courier
.13
Monday 20 April 2015
Culture thecourieronline.co.uk/culture
Culture Editor: Kate Bennett Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV, Gaming and Science courier.culture@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierOnline
Blind Date
Mark Sleightholm, 2nd Year Politics meets Amy Macauley, Activities Officer
Amy on Mark
What were your first impressions of Mark? We walked down to MensBar together and he was very chatty, he seemed like a nice guy. What were you babbling about, to begin with? Well basically, we started off just having a normal chat then jointly decided we should go and crash the MedSoc social. That was interesting. We went downstairs and a Liverpudlian man chatted to us for a while. He had a... what do you call those things? A sash? He chatted to us for a while, tried to get us to Basement. We chatted about the pros and cons of Basement for a while and then he went on his merry way. Do you have a unilateral ‘no Basement on a first date’ rule? We both said that Basement was a bit underrated, but then he suggested Feral and that was a deal-breaker for me and Mark. We made a joint decision not to go to Feral. It sounds like you had a three-way date. We didn’t! After that man left we had lots of lovely conversations.
Mark on Amy
So Mark, how was your first exchange with Amywhen you met up? Pretty good. We hit it off straight away, it felt like we’d known each other ages. What sort of stuff did you talk about? Just about her work as a sabb, and how empty it was in MensBar. It was really, really empty. We were literally the only two people in there. So we thought we might try to infiltrate MedSoc How? We just sort of walked in. Wow. Well you do have a look of the respectable medical professional about you. We threw in some medical terms as well. Such as? Lungs.
Concerning? Concerning things such as how he only drinks straight vodka. he doesn’t drink vodka with mixers, so he says his pre-drinks are usually quite expensive. He likes the taste of vodka, but he drinks Russian Standard so he’s not that fancy.
What were your first impressions of Amy? Friendly, likeable, good-looking - perfect date. She was very chatty too.
Would you have been put off if he’d been fancier? Yes, because I’m really common. Really posh people just don’t really go with me. Also, I did tell him about how I’m always very sick when I drink straight vodka, so I don’t think that would have gone down very well with a posher person.
Could you see at any point why she was single? She’s married to the job - even when we were trying to infiltrate MedSoc, she was wondering whether they ought to be a society.
Is MensBar generally where you take boys when you’re courting? Generally I’d probably go to Sinners. It’s just a bit more upmarket, better place to meet professional young men with prospects.
Was the Irish charm a boon for you? Yeah, I quite like Irish accents. It was a talking point. Well, it wasn’t, but it could have been. If we go on a second date then it could be.
It sounds like you’re saying Mark has no prospects. Mark does have a lot of prospects. I would definitely bring him to Sinners if we were to go on another date. He’s fancy enough for that. Actually, maybe he’s too fancy for the Sinners vodka.
It’s heartening that you’re already scheduling in some chat-points. It’s good to plan ahead. So there’s potential for a second date then? Well it was so amazing that I’m sure there will be.
Did anything awkward happen over the course of the date? Yeah - so, a boy wearing a feather boa walked past, pointed at me and said “AMY MACAULEY”. Then he went on his merry way.
Have you swapped numbers? No. That might hinder the second date.
Does that happen to you often? [Sadly] No.
If Amy were an animal, what would she be? Hmm. A... tiger?
Did you find him attractive? Who, feather boa guy? No, Mark. Your actual date. Yeah, he’s a lovely, lovely young man - friendly, very funny guy. Big fan, big fan of Mark. And his prospects? And his prospects. Not a big fan of his straight vodka drinking though, I did retch a bit at that. Would that be a deal-breaker for you? Would he have to give up the Russian Standard? I’m afraid so. Or just put a bit of mixer in there. It’s not an unreasonable demand. Will you meet up again? [A very long, heavy pause] Errrr... we probably will meet up again, in the Courier office. He was a lovely man, but I see him as more of a pal. A gentleman caller? What’s that? A man who pops round and, you know, sorts you out. I don’t think that’s what mine and Mark’s relationship would consist of. Mark out of 10? 10 out of 10. Sum it up in a noise. Ahhhh-OOOOOOOOOH.
Looking for love? Send in your details to c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk
Interesting. Why? Because shes.... Irish? Maybe that’s a bit racist. OK, she’d be something that’s really easy-going. Like a sloth. There are negative connotations there. A monkey? Orangutans can be quite violent, I’ve heard. That seems a bit derogatory. I take it all back. She’s just so human that she is practically indescribable as an animal. If you were to sum up your date in a noise, what noise would you make? [Adopting mildly impressed, ‘yeah not bad’ sort of tone]Mm-mm. That was an ‘above average’ noise. And a rating out of 10? Seven. That goes with the noise I feel. It was a seven-out-of-ten sort of noise.
14.lifestyle
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Lifestyle Editors: Jack Dempsey, Annie Lord, Holly Suttle and Tom Tibble Lifestyle Editors:
Leave it, mate Lauren Exell discusses how to overcome the num- ber one student problem
P
rocrastination has always been a serious problem in my life, constantly there suggesting non-urgent activities to delay the one at hand. Endless hours at the Robbo have been spent trying to draw up the most extravagant multicoloured revision timetable rather than actually doing any studying, or going on a supposed ‘coffee break’ that ends up lasting four hours. Many of us delay any work till the last minute, kidding ourselves we work better under pressure (in reality we’ve been doing anything and everything to avoid starting some 3000 word essay that’s been looming over our shoulders for weeks). In fact, many of you are probably reading this article to avoid doing work – it’s almost certainly the reason I’m writing it. All this procrastination got too much and one day I had an extreme thought: what if I keep deferring everything until I’m dead, so I don’t do any of it, ever?
“Many of you are probably reading this article to avoid doing work - it’s almost certainly the reason I’m writing it”
With such an evidently extreme problem close at hand, it’s time to take some drastic measures to stop ourselves procrastinating forever. Firstly, avoiding social media. Thanks to the rise in this internet sensation, we take great ease spending hours scrolling through Spotted: Newcastle Robinson Library’s Facebook page, or, in intense procrastinating sessions, taking online tests to see how much of a procrastinator we really are. Seemingly all these electronic devices have made our attention span as short as possible. So, surely the easiest way to get round this is to leave the iPhone locked away, never to be touched for the next eight hours. But who am I kidding? This is never going to happen. Next best step – downloading one of those amazing apps which blocks all social media for a set amount of time. As long as you can resist the temptation to go on a mad rampage and delete the app, this is a very effective method to solve a key procrastination problem. Next extreme measure: meditation (apparently). Strange though it sounds, when you think about it, the power of the mantra is probably very effective. Repeating over and over what you have to do will surely let the workload sink in somehow. If nothing else, it will relax you, decreasing the panic of the how much work there is to do, probably enticing you get on with some work rather than worrying about it.
“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret”
Next step, reward yourself big time. When we finally get a piece of work done, particularly one that we have been procrastinating over for a long time, congratulations are in order. How do you celebrate in style? Book a trip somewhere special or buy a shiny new outfit for next weekend. Even give yourself a day-long break from the Robbo if you can manage it. Never let this get too far though – spending hours on Netflix and getting yourself addicted to another five-season narcotics drama isn’t going to help matters. Essentially, stop playing the victim card. Kill the excuses and just get on with it. After all, this is the reason we came to uni… sort of. As Jim Rohn puts it, “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret and disappointment”. So quit tidying your room and try and knuckle down. I’ll leave this article with the notorious words of Fight Club: “No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.” If Tyler Durden’s infamous statement can’t make you quit procrastinating, I don’t know what can.
The LADbrokes life
Jack Dempsey has a brush with the betting shop. It doesn’t work out so well for him
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stay at home can be a real financial piggyback, lifting us from the noose-like pressure to “have a life” (which is Banternese for smashing your overdraft) and carrying us safely away from the steady molestation of black cab fares and the Dominoes website. These breaks can be as economically liberating as a monthlong stay in a Spanish all-inclusive, only with less back-peel. Liberating, that is, unless you find a new way to pound your current account senseless. Unfortunately, this is exactly what I did, on the first grey Tuesday of my being home for Easter.
boob, then realised it was his dad’s. “I took £360 out of this the other day.” Jesus Christ, I thought, that could have cleared me a whole month’s rent. I went home confused, exhilarated, and determined to return - which I did, that very same evening. Hesitantly, I slid three, shaking pounds into the slot hole. I felt nauseous. My throat was dry. I was wearing the wrong underwear. I put it all on black. It came out black - I’d doubled my money. The next ten minutes is a blur, but when I stumbled over to the counter, moist ticket in hand, the cashier handed me a crisp £38.20 like it was no man’s business, and I knew I’d been initiated.
“The din of Sky Sports, walls of newspaper copy and the unmistakable scent of urine”
“I knew the only way to not start seeing revolving baby heads was to delete my account right away”
It all started with a friend ushering me into the carpeted sanctum of Ladbrokes, amidst the din of Sky Sports, walls of newspaper copy and the unmistakable scent of urine, where he casually slid £20 into a roulette machine. Now to me, £20 is no small bit of moolah, especially to be throwing away on a grubby little machine in the corner of the bookies. But then, something miraculous happened: the £20 became a virtual £30, then a virtual £40. Before I knew it, the original money has almost been tripled. By randomly jabbing his dirty finger at a dirty screen, my friend made more money in five minutes than a minimum wage worker does in a day. But then, as fast as it was accumulated, the money plummeted back to zero. All that dollar, swallowed back up into the titanium belly of the machine. “Why didn’t you collect?” I yelled at my friend. “You were winning, you could have tripled your money!” “That’s not winning,” he snorted, looking at me like I’m a kid who thought he’d just seen his first
The first thing I did when I got home was sign up to Ladbrokes online casino, tapping in my card information and dumping half my day’s winnings straight the account. A whirlwind of chair-spinning highs and desk-slapping lows followed, with my balance soaring to £80, dipping to £50, climbing back to £90 before avalanching back down to zero, burying me in under a shit tonne of self-pity. The temptation to deposit more made me think of Spud locked in his bedroom in Trainspotting, and I knew the only way to not start seeing revolving baby heads was to delete my account right away and vow never to spin again. I did this, and suddenly the world came back into colour. The next morning I booted up my laptop with a coffee in hand, and suddenly a pop-up appeared for a £5 free spin on Paddy Power. “It’s just a free spin,” I told myself, “what’s the worst that could happen?”
The university bucket list Benazir Parween talks us through some student must-dos
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Crash a lecture
It could be for fun or it could be to truly learn something you are interested in. When the register gets passed to you, leave a sweet note to the lecturer about how much you have learned. While you are there, why not dress up for it? Think pyjamas, or imagine that Halloween came early. If that does not cut it for you, throw in a song or do a little dance. Remember that there’s strength in numbers. That’s going to give you courage and you would like someone to share your feelings about how exciting it was. Besides, the lecturer will find it more difficult to find the mastermind. If this is all too daunting for you, simply arrange for everyone to stand up before the start and at the end of the lecture and greet your lecturer – just like the good ol’ times back in school. Or if you want to go all out, act like you are the lecturer and confuse the real one. You want to get a laugh and not anger. So choose your battles (lectures) wisely.
2
Travel
There is just so much hype about this – ‘finding yourself when you travel’, ‘making new worldly friends’, ‘learning lifelong lessons’, ‘acquiring cool skills’, and it goes on. We are all very happy for you if you fall into that group, seriously. But sometimes you just want to do mindless travelling. It’s fun, it’s thrilling and who cares if you do not gather some gem of an experience. All the precious lessons might only hit you at some later point. The moments and the youthfulness of the journeys is what matters. I doubt you are going to get such nice long breaks once you step outside the world of university, and so it is time to just get lost. Go visit your friends in their universities, hop on some bus and just alight somewhere and read a book. There’s nothing too small. Yes, there’s that lit-
tle-big thing called money. At this point, you could do a cheeky little internship or get a job. You get to earn cash plus expand that CV of yours that everyone keeps yapping about. Do you really do all that independent studying that is actually scheduled in your module handbooks? Or just simply save up – another pair of jeans can wait.
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Start a society
You could leave your legacy here! Be part of the founding team and basically, you get to just elect yourself the president of it or anything that your heart desires. Why not? Make it bold, make it grand. Make it Fight Club. (Please do not start an actual Fight Club. We do not condone any violent behaviour in or outside the university. There, we’re safe now.) But make it impactful. While we all know we almost have every kind of society under the sun, there’s always room for another. There must be something that you strongly believe in, and if it already exists be part of it. Start a revolution. Let it be worthwhile. A lot of times we just stroll through our university years, so maybe join a society instead. Get out of your comfort zone and discover something new. Remember that this is the last chance you get to learn new stuff at a really cheap cost. Later on you’ll just be forced to be part of your office team building sessions.
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Host an event
Organise and be part a flash mob right in the middle of the campus. It is extravagant and nothing says ‘epic’ more than a crazily amazing synchronised flash mob to the rhythms of some snazzy song. For the second level of immensity, have an elaborate picnic in the campus. We are talking the whole deal of picnic mats, baskets with the cute little sandwiches, snacks, cakes, drinks - and maybe bring out the
Polaroid cameras and selfie sticks. You are having a good time and let everyone see it. Be nice and invite even those strangers over – lure them in with food. The final level of legend would be to throw a well-themed party at your place like a karaoke night. It does not matter whether you are tone-deaf or not, just sing away - you could even completely change the lyrics to suit your situations. Or start a movie but have it on mute, and you and your friends could dub over it along the way. This is especially good with those serious movies or period films, dubbing it with today’s slang like ‘swag’ and hash-tagging things out loud like ‘#sorrynotsorry’.
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Start a rumour
It is way funnier like that, trust me. Just do not be vicious – it should not involve your peers (unless with permission) or university staff (NEVER). Start a harmless rumour either about yourself, UFO landing somewhere in campus or some ridiculous supernatural stories about the university. Be passionate about it but do not be too aggressive and then your cover would just blow over. Keep the rumour alive through your social media platforms. It is all about getting the news out there. Do not go too extreme with the story with plot twists and too many characters, that it becomes unbelievable. Let it unroll and see whether it comes back to you and how long does it take for that to happen. The best part is see to what level has the rumour been taken to with new tweaks to the story. Hey, maybe you could start a buzz about the supposed-fight-clubsociety-thingy and see what goes down with that? You might even find new members-friends from there. You will definitely find out how small the community actually is and how big your friends’ mouths are. It will just be harmless fun and the story should disappear in no time and if it doesn’t, then well done on a good job.
The Courier
lifestyle.15
Monday 20 April 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierLifestyle
Singapore exchange: The realities of studying abroad
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uring the first semester of my third and final year at Newcastle University, I took part in an exchange programme to the National University of Singapore. The idea to go on an exchange wasn’t something that interested me originally - in fact, I struggled to see the worth because of my misconception that host universities tend to have poor academic rigour. While speaking with one of my lecturers and school advisors for career advice near the end of my first year, we ended up on the topic of exchanging. After discussing potential host universities and the doors which an exchange can open, the idea played on my mind over summer. The more I thought about it, the more it appealed to me. The National University of Singapore stood out for firstly because of its global standing. The university has a reputation as one of the top in Asia and the world. As I warmed to the idea of travelling to study, I realised how frightened I was of leaving everything I knew and was comfortable with. I knew that there is so much more to life than ‘one city, one university, one culture’, though, and returning in the second year I was already compelled to travel. For a few months I was left under the impression that I was not allowed to travel because it was my final year at Newcastle (the university, or my degree programme at least, required my dissertation to be completed at Newcastle. My dissertation was only in the second term which was a point of debate). Everyone I spoke to until January told me I couldn’t exchange because of this, but through perseverance, a bit of luck, and the help of my university advisors, it eventually came through. I applied in January of 2014 and things went from there. I didn’t have any competition for my spot and my grades were fine, so the process was a formality more than anything. I spent the next few months reading and rereading any and all material I could find on my host university and country. My flights were booked in June, and in July, I turned up in Singapore expecting what most others expect from an exchange: to widen my cultural horizons, to
challenge myself academically and personally, and ultimately to learn more about myself (whether or not they actually know what any of it entails before they leave I can’t say, though I certainly didn’t). The university had 10 days of events and programmes set up to introduce people to the university and other exchangers when we first arrived. Circumstances meant I couldn’t attend any - I visited friends in Shanghai and ended up staying much longer than expected. It hampered me meeting and making friends in Singapore initially, which didn’t really help with my homesickness - I grappled with it for a while - but it’s not something I regret, and it taught me a lesson which was repeated throughout my travels. I would continue avoiding ‘rinse and repeat’ scripted events for spontaneous experiences which I felt gave a more authentic illustration of the country and people I was visiting. Many countries in Asia have competitive education environments and Singapore was no different. The school is set up so that everyone’s grade is received on a bell curve, i.e. everyone is in direct competition with each other, which obviously doesn’t aid the situation. Adding to this, our degree programme at least - I can’t say whether this is indicative of the culture - put weight on learning by rote over building transferable skills, which I had become accustomed to at home, so studying involved remembering copious amounts of material. It was not unusual for mistakes and updates to get pointed out during an exam, which is something which would not be accepted on my home degree. Strong cultural structures mean that the young must respect their elders, preventing any real discussion or complaint being made. It would be interesting to know how much hierarchical structures established during the colonial era had an influence on these types of situations too. One of my many pleasures in Singapore was jaywalking. Singapore is a very safe place, something I experienced myself and heard from many locals too. The country’s laws are pretty stringent which has strongly influenced the safe environment. It could be argued that the way that one political
“I avoided ‘rinse and repeat’ scripted events for spontaneous experiences that gave a more authentic illustration of the country”
James Wark headed to Singapore for a year, and discovered the joys of wandering LQ IURQW RI WUDI¿ F ZLWK LPSXJQLW\ and the value of taking risks
party has led the country out of difficult times into the developed world, often by taking decisions into their own hands, has ingrained Singaporeans to act in a way which accepts rules without question and in turn, overtly forces rules on others. On many occasions where I pointed out things which didn’t seem logical or there was an obvious alternative, I was met with some version of the response, “that just isn’t how it is done”. I struggle to see that this is something I would do at home, though in fairness that may well be the same here. Something which I found exciting was the growing number of youth who were against these ideals and wanted to fight the system, so to speak, through a growing arts movement, grassroots community programmes and increasing questioning of Singapore’s political system. Plenty of eight-story malls and eating places embody life in Singapore with its high development aspirations and its focus on food, a cultural centrepoint. Eating rice and noodles twice, sometimes three times a day was made bearable only by the variety of cuisines and flavours that very few places in the world can offer, and Singaporeans take full advantage, often queuing for half an hour at a time to order from the more popular food stands. Eating at the canteens can be a pretty impersonal affair. Orders are taken without the formalities of British customer service - expect something more along the lines of “Hey, wha’ you want?” - and language proved a barrier outside of the standard ordering dialogue. I learnt to connect with the people serving through childish skits and the universal language of humour. People who initially come across as cold soon greeted me with smiles and jokes, offered me extra servings for free, and genuinely seemed to enjoy my presence, as I did theirs. This may not sound unusual, but all of my local friends were beyond shocked. Travelling on the packed train during rush hour, it is easy to understand the cold demeanours. Here is a country that, within fifty years of independence, has developed into one of the major global
commercial hubs, where 10% of its population are millionaires, where the typifying image is an infinity pool seated 200 metres above the ground on a three-pronged, five-star hotel. Yet the majority of citizens do not live this high life. Incomes are relatively low for the developed world, and Singapore’s development and land constraints have caused land prices to skyrocket. Most can only afford to live in the outer regions and commute daily by MRT, an acronym for ‘Mass Rapid Transit’ which is indicative of the much-aspired-to efficiency. On some level, there seems to be a grudging acceptance by most that everyone plays their part, and whether or not the fruits of labour are seen on a personal level, Singapore as a country shines, which maybe makes it an easier burden to bear. One of the most rewarding experiences during my exchange began with me interning at an NGO. Two of my colleagues were Singaporean, and insights that are available from personal anecdotes about a country can be incredibly insightful. Simply being in an environment slowly fills you with a wealth of knowledge whether you realise it or not, and speaking to both of these people in particular was often a sobering experience in how much I still don’t know. A lot of exchangers used weekends and reading weeks as opportunities to travel, though my working commitments limited me. Travelling to South East Asia without travelling outside of what is a developed metropolis didn’t feel right though, so at the end of my stay in Singapore I left on a solo-backpacking adventure. I kept my plans relatively loose, researching destinations and setting a budget while aiming not to be too rigid. Backpacking alone was even more terrifying than exchanging. I was turning up somewhere of my own accord again, but this time I was without any of my university commitments which provided some form of structure to the uncertainty. Beginning at the Malaysian border, I spent a week travelling by bus and stopping off for sporadic breaks before reaching southern Thailand. Dormitory hostels quickly helped me find my feet with their comfortable, relaxed vibes and helpful staff. Sharing stories with fellow travellers was a time to sit and reflect on the highs and lows, discuss destinations, and make friends. I paid for hostels by the night, and if the mood took me one day to move on, then I booked the next available bus. I joined friends on pursuits, explored, relaxed - whatever felt right at the time. I learnt to embrace uncertainty, rather than fear it, as I had originally. Recognising my fears as unfounded and limiting, then acting to change them, has been the single greatest challenge throughout my exchange. Throwing myself into so many unknown environments showed me how much effort I put into trying to control every detail of a situation. The more I entered into situations with an open attitude, the more I noticed the wealth of exciting possibilities that became available to me, which in actuality were always there if I had only just looked. My exchange to Singapore and my travels in South East Asia have given me a great deal of independence. People are always there to help if there is something you want to do, but nobody is going to make something like this happen apart from yourself. Being the international student for once also gave me a lot of insight into the challenges that incoming students at my home university put themselves through. Living in South East Asia was a self-revealing, transformative, and enlightening experience. I was introduced to a part of the world I’ve had little exposure to. I met friends I’m sure I will keep for life. I ate some of the best food in the world, travelled to some of the most beautiful parts of the world and experienced life in one of the most modern cities in the world. My exchange to Singapore has been challenging, frightening and, most importantly,thoroughly rewarding. Will this be the last time I live abroad? I expect not.
“There is so much more to life than ‘one city, one university, one culture’ ”
“I learnt to embrace uncertainty, rather than fear it”
18.fashion
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Fashion Editors: Amy O’Rourke and Hannah Fitton Online Fashion Editor: Hannah Goldstein
Top of the crops Victoria Thewlis
The crop top has inundated the high street over the past few years - is it here to stay?
Building Brigittes
Tessa Jones takes some inspiration from 60s style icon Brigitte Bardot
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he likes of Britney and Madonna made them big at the height of their pop careers - yes, it’s the humble crop top. Where would we be without them? Their versatility makes them a staple item in any wardrobe. From the basic to the fancy, crop tops are a fantastic item to wear during the day or for dressy occasions. Would you believe that crop tops first came into fashion in the 1940s? As with any trend they have flown in and out since then. In the 80s crops tops made a massive comeback, with everyone wanting to mirror the iconic look of Baby in her famous cropped shirt from Dirty Dancing. Well, it did it for Patrick Swayze. Then, in the 90s, crop tops were everywhere - in 1995 chick flick Clueless, a film famous for its daring yet fab outfits, the characters are wearing crop tops most of the time. A few years ago crop tops reappeared on catwalks and in high street shops, and it doesn’t look like they’re going away anytime soon - in fact they’re bolder and better than ever. At the moment patterned crop tops with matching skirts or trousers are bang on trend. This style has been embraced by Beyoncé, Kim Kardashian, and Taylor Swift. But if you prefer your crop top to look more understated then you can’t go wrong with a plain crop top or crop polo neck paired with patterned bottoms.
“Shorter crop tops tend to look better with high-waisted bottoms - otherwise you can run the risk of looking like Britney circa 2001”
So, we’ve established that crop tops are fantastic and that you can wear them with virtually anything, but there are still ways you can get the look wrong. Shorter crop tops tend to look better with high-waisted bottoms, even if you’ve got the perfect body - otherwise you can run the risk of looking like Britney circa 2001 (though obviously if this is your style jam then be my guest and do carry on). Wearing a crop top doesn’t have to mean revealing your stomach, however - there are plenty of longer crop tops available that when paired with a high waisted skirt or jeans won’t show any skin but will still give you the look. When it comes to crop tops, your body type really doesn’t matter - there’s a style for everyone. If you’re more conscious of your stomach then opt for a longer one, or choose one with a flattering sleeve if you’re not so keen on your arms. Will the crop top ever go away? For the time being crop tops are still at the height of fashion. But rest assured that the crop top trend will always be just around the corner.
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amed after French screen siren Brigitte Bardot, who had a liking for necklines with exposed shoulders, Bardot tops are very on trend for yet another season. There are a few variations in style (cropped, sweetheart, ruffled) and in material (scuba, jersey, chiffon), but the fundamental retro design remains the same. With the weather warming up, Bardot tops are a stylish way to expose a bit more skin and there is something subtly risqué about a bare shoulder. In the sun, you may like to opt for a cropped number for maximum cooling, and there are a lot of fun patterns which would look great when
“There is something subtly risque about a bare shoulder” teamed with an Alexa-style denim A-line skirt or a flowing jersey maxi skirt. An alternative way to wear a cropped Bardot top for a night out would be with the high-waisted mom jean and heeled sandals to feminise the heavier denim. On the other hand, if you feel more comfortable in a longer-length top, Bardot tops can look uber chic when tucked in to something that accentuates your waist. Again, an A-line skirt would be perfect for this, with suede and cord versions being popular on the catwalks as well as the high street. There are also off the shoulder bodysuits out in most high street stores which can achieve the same look, but just with added awkwardness when you need the
bathroom. If you’re conscious of exposing your shoulders too much but still love the trend, a sleeveless kimono or fabric waistcoat worn over the top can give you more coverage whilst allowing the neckline to peep out underneath, and can easily be removed if you gain in confidence. Off-the-shoulder gypsy tops traditionally use more billowy fabric and so the flowing material can help to balance out broader shoulders, and are also a great festival look. Although the Bardot top was originally synonymous with French cool girl chic, the variety of patterns out in the shops mean it’s now adaptable to any style.
Catching some waves
So what even is a ‘wavey garm’ anyway? Abby Rose on the retro sportswear trend
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f you’re familiar with Facebook pages or websites such as ‘Wavey Garmz’, or my personal fave, ‘naughtygarms.co.uk’, you will have seen the abundance of colourful, vintage sportswear jackets that have graced the pages. You may have even seen someone sporting one on a night out at Cosmic or World HQ. These jackets are not for the fainthearted – their loud colours and retro design makes them inappropriate for the inconspicuous party-goer. With the trend of retro sportswear dominating festivals and music events in recent years, it appears that the two are congruous to one another – basically, if you attend one of these events, and do not follow the ‘wavey garmz’ dress code, you may find yourself confined to the back corner of the club, sadly two-stepping by yourself, WKD in hand, along with the other banished ‘shufflers’. You will find groups of cool kids in their sportswear garms congregating together at the front of the DJ booth, complimenting each other on attaining the highest standard of waviness. A form of peacocking, if you will. Even if it is swelteringly hot, and there is condensation dripping from the ceiling, the truly waviest will determinedly wear all of their garms, so as not to ruin their whole look. Yes, they may be indistinguishable from one another, and they may all look obnoxious, but they also look bloody fantastic.
You will always be able to spot the leader of the group by calculating the amount of wavey garms they have amassed and adorned themselves with. If you see a guy wearing a bucket hat that clashes with his patterned Urban Outfitters shirt, a lurid shell suit jacket (bought on ASOSmarketplace) on top to add an extra flourish, you can be sure that he will have reached the holy grail of waviness, and will have attained the highest level of respect. The clubbing scene’s answer to Nigel Farage – adored by some, despised by many. If, however, you’re still questioning your ability to pull off these bold statement pieces, yet still desire to become one of the edgy elite, there is no need to fear. These jackets are easily purchased online, from any retail outlet. They are characterised by their garish colours, slouchy fit, and may or may not also feature patterns. Basically, they
are pretty ugly. However, if they are taken as they are meant to be, as a bit of tongue in cheek fun, then there is no stopping anyone from enjoying wearing them – but only in the realm of a festival or ‘edgy’ night. I don’t think it would go down too well if worn to a lecture – but then again, if that’s what floats your boat, go for it.
The Courier
fashion.19
Monday 9 March 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion Instagram:@thecourierfashion | Facebook: facebook.com/thecourierfash |Email: c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk |
So so so sandalous
Ellen Dixon sscours cours the high street for sandals to buckle up in this summer Topshop Wedges £52.00
Editor’s pick
Topshop Feather Sandals £52.00
he saddest thing about the arrival of summer is saying goodbye to the chunky ankle boots that took you through the coldest, wettest and greyest days of winter. Most of us would probably suffer, push through, and wear them all year round. But when the heat just gets too much, we need to be stocking up on alternatives. It seems right to pack a few pairs of heels and wedges in your suitcase, but in reality you’ll probably just look an idiot stumbling down the cobbled streets in your sky-high stilettos. A pair of chunky sandals, with or without a platform, will still dress
up your holiday outfit but won’t stop you from venturing to the bars and dancing with Spanish men. Not only that, but with the weight you’ll save from taking out heavy heels, you’ll have kilograms spare in your case for even more clothes. For a garden party or a day at the races, you can’t go wrong with a pair of wedges. Incorporate the 70s trend by choosing a tan pair with a wooden heel. If you are looking for something more delicate, a thin feathered heel can quickly make a casual dress more formal, setting the right tone for events like summer weddings. For guys, leather sandals are essential for when
Not so itsy- bitsy bikini
the flash, there will be a bikini you can wear confidently. This season, it’s all about going retro and embracing the 50s style swimsuit.
“The structured waistband creates the illusion of a toned stomach - so sack off the Fashion editor Amy O’Rourke salad, this swimwear is best served with a side of fries” dives into the 50s inspired swimwear trend storming the high street this summer
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s the temperatures in Newcastle reached phenomenal highs of 15 degrees last week, you probably considered joining the locals and digging your bikini from the depths of your wardrobe, absorbing every ray of sunshine before it disappears once again. The high street is home to an abundance of styles, each one suited perfectly to different body types, meaning no matter how confident you feel flashing
Sinead Corkett-Beirne
The Noughties are a grave- yard of fashion abominations - let’s relive the horror
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ashion c o m e s and goes but images of your younger self dressed from head-to-toe in hideous clothes, once deemed fashionable, linger like a bad odour. No matter how hard you try to destroy the evidence by deleting photos off your social media accounts, a skeleton will fall out of the closet wearing the outmoded items. This has led me to claim that if I were the proud owner of a machine that could travel back in time, I would go back to my early adolescent years and dispose of the entire contents of my wardrobe into a landfill site where the clothes would never be seen again. I would also use every penny earned from my paper-round to hire a personal stylist but that is a different matter.
“If I were the owner of a time machine I would go back to my adolescent years and dispose of the entire contents of my wardrobe”
Topman patterned slip-ons £32.00
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Flashback faux-pas
Style icon Marilyn Monroe is synonymous with the flattering sweetheart neckline, a retro style that is dominating the high street once again this summer. A gingham print or a bold pattern modernise the classic shape, making a statement without taking away from your figure. High-waisted bikinis are perfect for those of us who can’t commit to weeks of salads or gym sessions, as the structured waistband helps create the illusion of a toned stomach and has a slimming effect on the waist. So sack off the salad, this 50s style swimwear is best served with a side of fries.
the weather heats up; they’re versatile and look great on anyone. Don’t fancy braving bare feet? Patterned slip-ons look great with denim and are a style that can be taken from spring to summer. Tan leather and blue denim were made to be worn together, so if you’ve embraced double denim, a pair of leather-look sandals are the perfect addition. If you fancy a change, a pair of mules or even espadrilles are versatile enough to be worn through the day or to a bar at night. And finally, if you’re brave enough to do socks and sandals go for it. If it’s good enough for Alexa it’s good enough for anyone.
The only source of inspiration I recall were my fellow trend-setting classmates, which I tended to copy. Many seemed to own a pair of UGG boots which were once extremely popular. However, I could not comprehend why people spent an extortionate amount on them as they are garish and the cream coloured boots began to resemble the beige version after a few hours of being worn outside. Another thing that baffled me was why people wore them when the temperature was scorching - their feet must have been as hot and sweaty as Paula Radcliffe running a marathon. If that wasn’t enough, they eventually became as wrinkly as a sun-dried prune after several times of being worn. Speaking of prunes, this leads me to the notso succulent Juicy Couture tracksuits that were sported by many celebrities such as Paris Hilton - and, equally, my former fellow female classmates. Personally, I think the item should do what it says on the tin and be worn only for the purpose of exercising or in the comfort of your own home as, frankly, they resemble a pair of overpriced pyjamas with a brassy logo plastered all over the back(side). Meanwhile, the award for the most unflattering item of clothing goes to jeggings, a compound of the words jean and leggings. The thought of owning a pair continues to horrify me as the spray-on jeans seem to only be flattering on people who have a derriere that could rival Pippa Middleton’s. Thankfully the trend seems to be dying out although its cousin, the legging, continues to live on, remaining a staple item in every woman’s wardrobe. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for them but I am yet to come across the visible panty line being plastered all over the pages of Vogue. To be frank, see-through leggings are a fashion faux pas, as showing off your undergarments makes it look like you are doing a poor impersonation of Superman. I guess that is the way with fashion trends, we drop, discard and fear them as quickly as we swooped them up from the runway and the magazines.
20.beauty
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Beauty Editors: Charlotte Davies and Charlotte Maxwell Online Editor: Kathy Davidson
The best of beauty
The post-Easter detox
Flo Davies VKDUHV KHU WLSV IRU FOHDULQJ XS \RXU VNLQ DIWHU D FKRFRODWH ¿ OOHG EUHDN efits which do wonders for your complexion. Something that seems to be all the rage right now - it almost sounds too good to be true - is drinking freshly squeezed fruit and veggie juices which will give your skin a glow and boost your immune system. There’s no reason not to try it.
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Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate
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ast Friday night I had a pretty traumatic experience when shaving my legs. My student house has had a number of problems whilst I’ve been living there: there’s a dodgy stain on my bedroom wall that no-one can explain, the extractor fan in the bathroom sounds like a severe asthmatic and every time someone has a shower, condensation stains seem to creep further and further throughout the house. The latest in this string of problems has been the upstairs lighting. The problem first started when I was living there alone during the Easter break: I pulled the chord for the bathroom light and it flickered ominously like a light in one of those low budget horror films. I stood there for a while, frozen, unable to move. After a while I shuffled quietly over to the landing light - that too didn’t work. After this I ditched my attempt to go to the bathroom and spent the rest of the night in my bedroom with the light on. When I woke the next morning however, all the upstairs lights were on, including the ones in the rooms I hadn’t been in. I came to the conclusion that we either had a severe electrical problem or…a ghost.
“Naively I had assumed that the soap bars on my Venus razor would work as a kind of shaving foam…I was wrong”
This fear continued for the next five days until I forced my boyfriend to move in with me. The estate agents we are with are useless and haven’t been round to fix the light problem, or perhaps they are fearful of the ghost. When I went to go shave my legs last Friday the lights had decided not to work again. I was planning on getting in the shower and taking time to shave them, instead because of the lack of light I hurriedly splashed water onto my legs and began to shave. Naively I had assumed that the soap bars on my Venus razor would work as a kind of shaving foam…I was wrong. About half way through my first leg, the burning pain began. I decided to power through (I couldn’t have one shaved leg and one not). At the end of the shaving it felt like the skin on my legs was blistering. It was agony. My next mistake was trying to combat the burning by rubbing my Laura Mercier Crème Brulee moisturiser into my leg. This only increased the pain.
Go green
Break the Easter sugar cycle and help your body cleanse itself with plenty of green fruit and vegetables. Think spinach, broccoli, kale, celery and apple. Greens are bursting with iron and protein, which help your immune system and your body rebuild itself. The easiest way to incorporate greens into your diet is via juicing (green juices are a great way to get in your recommended servings of fresh produce) and is something that supports natural detoxification. Cleansing gives your body a rest from digestion - our bodies are used to digesting food all day, every day, so once in a while, it’s nice to give your body a break by only consuming nutrient-rich fluids. Also, foods containing protein make you feel fuller for longer (a bonus to prevent any post-Easter chocolate snacking). Greens and green drinks build up the red blood cells in your body, essentially cleaning the blood. It builds iron and helps your body get rid of toxins. When your blood is clean, then your body is clean. Because your body uses juice to clean itself out, the positive side effects are endless - not only do greens help your body internally, they have external ben-
The best way to flush out your system is by drinking plenty of water. Keeping the body properly hydrated encourages oxygen to flow freely throughout the body. This allows you to be more alert and focused, which is something that would definitely help you throughout the uni day. Water itself is a powerful detoxifier because it assists the kidneys and colon to eliminate waste. Apart from the obvious health benefits, H2O also hydrates the body, skin and hair. Often, when you consume sugar-rich foods like chocolate, skin can become dehydrated. When your skin is dehydrated, the pores in your skin are more firm and rigid, meaning they are unable to stretch and release naturally secreted oils. The more pliable your pores are, the more able it is to release what needs to come out. Preventing
dehydration therefore improves the appearance of skin giving a healthier appearance. If you don’t fancy plain water, why not add a slice of refreshing lemon for added taste, as being an excellent system cleanser.
Wash the day away
Find yourself developing bad skin after Easter? Your body sweats as a way to get rid of toxins, so the more chocolate you’re eating the more toxins make their way to your skin. All that overindulgence can wreck havoc on your pores. Give your skin a bit of TLC with a deep cleansing treatment and an over night cream to zap any emerging zits. Even a short detox can help clear up skin concerns. Make sure you wash your face both in the morning and evening to rub off the day’s grime. If you don’t wash your face properly before bed, you are not allowing the skin’s natural repair process to take place, and are much more likely to wake up to breakouts. Place a bean-size amount of your favourite everyday face wash into the palm of your hands, massage it in, and then remove with a warm damp cloth for gentle exfoliation- here the warmth of the steam opens pores and makes deep cleaning more effective.
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Shay Mitchell @shaym
So, she may be sister to the cliché queen of selfies Kim Kardashian West (who even has a selfie book coming out soon) but, in my opinion, as far as the Kardashian clan go Kendall has got the selfie game down to a T. She recently celebrated reaching 20 million followers on Instagram with this pretty flawless selfie. As well as starring in the 10th season of Keeping up with the Kardashians and becoming the new face of Calvin Klein, Kendall is also best mates with Cara Delevingne – now just take a moment to think about the selfies that those two take. She’s the perfect mix of LA ‘It girl’ and up-andcoming model of the moment. Give her a follow to see behind the scenes shots as she travels the world from fashion week to fashion week, rubbing elbows with the likes of Karl Lagerfeld
If you’re a fan of Pretty Little Liars (and if not – you’re missing out, get on that) then you’ll recognise Shay aka Emily. As well as being a spectacular selfie-taker, Shay’s Instagram is pretty inspiring. She’s partial to an uplifting quote and her #shaycation (vacation to me and you) snapshots are both beautiful and enough to turn you green with envy as she travels to some amazing places – India and Morocco being my favourite so far. She’s a natural beauty, which becomes obvious after a quick scroll through her account, and has dabbled in modelling in her early twenties, later going on to retrain as an actress. She comes across as really down to earth and not your run of the mill selfie-obsessed celebrity, a little bit more ‘culture’ and a little less ‘Hollywood’.
Suki Waterhouse (@sukiwaterhouse)
“Halfway through the first leg, the burning pain began. I felt like the skin on my legs was blistering. It was agony”
After forcing my boyfriend to research what to do with ‘shaving burn’ (I’m not sure if that’s the proper medical term, so don’t quote me) I smothered my legs in Sudocrem, took perhaps more painkillers than was necessary, and rolled a bag of frozen peas up and down my legs for half an hour. It was not the relaxing bedtime I had anticipated. Also, every time I’ve got in the shower since the burning has returned; it has not been pleasant. The moral of the story appears to be then: never speed shave your legs, make sure you’ve been under the hot water for at least 10 minutes to soften the hair and open up follicles, invest in a good shaving foam such as the Gillette Satincare Sensitive Shaving Gel, and don’t go with a certain student estate agents that used to be called Easilet.
Having graced the cover of Vogue this month alongside Georgia May Jagger and Cara Delevingne, Suki is quickly becoming my favourite Brit model. She has a fresh faced 60s vibe that I can’t help but love. It’s obviously in the genes as well; Suki’s younger sister Immy is currently making her debut in the modelling world and the dazzling good looks most definitely run in the family. What comes across clearly through her Instagram is that Suki is a normal 22-year-old from London. She pulls daft faces and poses without make up, a refreshing change from the serious selfies posted by the likes of Kim K on a daily basis - and I personally think this sets a much better example to the extremely impressionable ‘selfie generation’ that are currently growing up.
The Courier
beauty.21
Monday 20 April 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/beauty Instagram @courier_beauty | Twitter @CourierBeauty
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he 21st of March marked the long-awaited start of spring for 2015. It welcomed the excuse for new outfits, hairstyles and beauty purchases. Writer Anita Krizzan once said, “Spring will come and so will happiness”, and this is exactly what I feel when buying new products, particularly nail varnishes, to suit the change in season. If nothing else, one thing I always make sure to take care of is my nails. In typical girly-girl fashion, I love to experiment with different shades for different styles and whilst some may claim pastel varnishes for the spring season as clichéd, I think these colours celebrate spring and the prospect and excitement of summer still to come. When I think of spring, I’m reminded of fresh air, sun, flowers, refreshing cocktails and days spent outdoors, and lucky for me, to match my spring feeling, multiple nail brands (from Essie to Barry M) have brought a plentiful variety in their new ranges to equal. Topshop has a number of beautiful pastels and
nudes perfect for spring this year. I have a lot of time for Topshop’s varnishes. More affordable than many fellow brands, Topshop’s varnishes are easy to apply, quick to dry and depending on how well you take care of your hands, can easily last for up to two weeks with very little chipping.
“Pastel colours celebrate spring and the prospect of summer”
My first choice is the colour ‘Publish’ from Topshop’s matte range. Usually I prefer to go for the glossy varnishes, but in this particular nude colour this matte finish varnish is extremely classy and perfect for a fresh spring look. The varnish is subtle, but at the same time bold and bright enough to catch the eye. My second choice for spring is ‘Peaches and Cream’, a glossy peach colour. This varnish has a
certain shimmer when it catches the sunlight, it’s especially pretty when paired with pastel gemstone jewellery such as rings, bracelets and watches. Both of these nail varnishes cost just £6, and if taken good care of, will see you through the season for sure. Before using the varnishes, I start by washing my hands, cleaning my cuticles and using a nail file to remove any dirt from under my nails. When shaping my nails, I prefer to use a compound lever nail clipper, as I love the round shape it creates. After I’ve buffed my nails I’ll apply two coats of the Topshop varnish. One benefit I really find when using the matte nail varnish is that it takes slightly less time to dry, and can be more easily applied without mess. If you have money to spare, Topshop’s Rapid Dry Nail Spray is a bargain worth buying, as, at just £3 it saves you the time it normally takes to wait which is perfect if you are in a rush and out to enjoy a spring day in the sun.
Library survival kit
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Maybelline Baby Lips A fun and stylish alternative to basic lip balm, available in several different colours and flavours including ‘Grape Vine’ and ‘Cherry-Me’. Baby Lips is ideal to keep your lips feeling soft and succulent whilst also giving them a pop of colour. When you’ve been hunched over a book all day in the same make up you applied hours and hours ago, this keep your look fresh and bright without even needing a mirror. At only £2.99 from most cosmetic shops and supermarkets, they’re so easy to get your hands on.
Garnier Caffeine Eye Roll-on This is a godsend for those long nights, or all nighters in the library: you can drink as many energy drinks as you can handle and slap yourself awake as much as you want, but those dark circles under your eyes are still going to appear at around 3 am. The Garnier Caffeine Eye Roll-on is so easy to use, you apply it straight onto the soft skin just under your eyes and the effects are almost instant. Defi-
nitely one to keep at the bottom of your bag ready for those forgotten assignments. You can pick this up at most pharmacy chains (in Superdrug for £5.23)
Purell Hand Sanitizer Not the most glamorous of beauty products, but still a definite necessity. With hundreds of fellow students visiting the library along with you every day, its hard to know who’s been touching that keypad before you and where their hands have been. It’s not only hygienic, but also leaves your hands feeling fresh. The Purell hand sanitizer with Aloe Vera is also a moisturising agent to leave your hands softer for longer, whilst also relaxing you when that work load really builds up. This will only set you back a couple of pounds and it really handy to carry around with you to freshen up before eating or just every now and again to keep fresh.
Hair bobbles and grips Again, not particularly glamorous, but who needs the beautiful bouncing curls you were styling all day while you’re trying to focus on your disserta-
tion? Hair dangling in your face is the most irritating thing when you’re trying to concentrate, so tie up those loose ends with a bobble or secure your fringe to one side with a couple of grips and work away with a clear vision. You could even fashion a plait or something more exciting if you have the time and patience. Leaving your hair down will also make it greasier quicker, so keep it simple and out the way. This will keep you feeling and looking fresh when
Simple Face Wipes you’re just about ready to sling yourself out of the top floor window. Simple face wipes contain only natural ingredients so they’re amazing for your skin and will definitely keep your blemishes at bay. They’ll also leave you feeling awake, refreshed and ten times more focused after a quick wipe across your face. Simple wipes are also perfect for removing old makeup (for when your visit is a bit longer than expected).
pring has well and truly sprung. With that, I put together some of my favourite fitness related tips and tricks to get you moving and prep for summer. Firstly, we all know exercise is good for us- however, exercise is also an awesome way to give you a more glowy and youthful complexion. Not only that but exercise releases happy endorphins which make you feel great on the inside too. You don’t have to join the gym, either, to include exercise in your life - an easy way is to take the stairs in the Robinson library. You might look like a sweaty, panting mess as you reach Level 4, but try to play it cool. Equally, with the nice weather now gracing us with its presence, its a great opportunity to get outside, maybe go for a run with friends or do a workout on Jesmond Dene - whatever you do the fresh air will do wonders for your skin. If you aren’t keen on the great outdoors and fancy a home workout, one of my favourite sources is the Youtube channel Fitness Blender. They have loads of workouts for any time frame, what body area you want to work and what equipment you have.
“Exercise is an awesome way to get a more glowy complexion”
Now onto the beauty bits. If you like to wear a bit of makeup when you workout, I would recommend a waterproof mascara, in particular the Max Factor False Lash Effect waterproof mascara (£10.99), not a smudge in sight. Wearing makeup to workout isn’t the best for your skin so its really important to follow up with a deep, clarifying cleanser. I am currently obsessed with the Body Shop Camomile cleansing oil (£10.00). It is amazing at getting every scrap of makeup off your face and leaves your skin super soft and hydrated. I don’t know about you but I find washing my hair a massive chore, so any chance to avoid it, I’m game. My favourite is the Batiste dry shampoo in the original scent (£2.99). It does a great job of hiding those sweaty greasy roots whilst also adding volume and texture. But you are feeling spendy the Percy and Reed dry shampoo (£12.00), is the way to go. Finally, I thought I would share with you some of my go-to meal ideas that get in those all important fruits and veggies but are also tasty. My flour less banana pancakes are a definite winner and so easy to make - all you need is an egg, a banana and a teaspoon of baking powder, though you can add a sprinkle of oats if you fancy it. That should make a stack of three pancakes, then add whatever toppings you so desire: think nuts, honey, cinnamon, banana, berries. A gadget favourite would have to be the Nutribullet (£99.99), it’s definitely an investment but the smoothie and juice possibilities are endless, and its an excellent way to get in lots of fruit and veg into your diet. The most important way to make you feel and look amazing is drink more water. It’s so simple but yet the most effective way to boost your appearance. I like to keep a water bottle with me at all times and it just means that while I’m working I’m making sure I drink at least 2 litres of water.
20.arts
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Arts Editors: Lucy Chenery and Becka Crawshaw Online Arts Editor: Jess Harman
Entertaining Mr Sloane Ruaidhri Johnston takes a trip to The Bridge Hotel to see the Theatre Society perform an adaptation of Joe Orton’s classic
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Holly Argent visits The Gymnasium Gallery in Berwick-upon- Tweed to review Susan Strenger’s Sound Strata of Coastal Northumberland
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he North East certainly has some really beautiful coastline; there seems to be none other like it in the UK that I’ve seen. Visually beautiful blues, greens, stretched planes of sand and seaside towns are the prototype British postcard, but the sound ‘strata’ of these places is typically background, whether heard or unheard its often inadvertently ignored. Susan Stenger’s one hour sound piece not only takes inspiration from the North East coast but gives pitch and texture to un-tuned sediments of coal (River Tyne-Blyth–Woodhorn), Millstone grit (Alnmouth), Carboniferous limestone (Sunderland–Bamburgh Castle–Cheswick) through to the old red sandstone of the River Tweed. She also gives a voice to the folk traditions of Northumbria. Without going down the path of field recording in order to represent a physical place and material, Stenger’s soundscape uses a gorgeously crafted 1838 illustrated diagram by local coal mining engineer Nicholas Wood as a working score. Not abandoning composition, sections of instrumental correlate to a specific location on the map, for example the songs ‘All The Night I Lay With Jockey’, ‘Shews’s The Way To Wallington’ and ‘Lads of Alnwick’ occur at the section between River Coquet and Alnmouth on the map, speaking of their agricultural heritage. The coal section includes the Newcastle Kingsmen Sword Dancers (which was the first section I heard on entering the gallery) beating their feet on the floor of the Cumberland Arms. Its rhythm fills the space with a growing intensity, offbeat pace evolving into quick Northumbrian pipes and melancholy folk tunes.
“Stenger’s soundscape uses an 1838 illustrated diagram by local coal mining engineer Nicholas Wood as a working score”
The looped cycles of drone, minimal and folk with peaks of brass are described as ‘geological strata’. A fitting term - making me think of sound as some underground, unreachable, prehistoric detail within our earth’s layers of rock and sediment, vibrating in ways we can only attempt to near-replicate at an audible level. And Berwick’s outstretch of coastline is a fitting place to hear this; coming into the gallery after walking the medieval walls makes the installation ever more personal, not only because it’s about and for the North East, but it’s almost nostalgic in a way that appears naïve: even without having experienced the time or place it originated from, you start to see and hear traces of what the North East is made from in new ways – geological and sonically speaking. The small round speakers poised at different heights around the edge of the old gymnasium localise the channels of bass and rhythm and layered hums, so walking around the space feels like a surrender into the spherical nature of sound. A minimal show with an intense hum that tunes beyond its north-eastern coastal folk tradition, composing the earth in ways other than word and image. Image: Holly Argent
ince its first performance in 1964, Entertaining Mr Sloane has had a strong history of success, attracting actors such as Alec Baldwin and Imelda Staunton. In this instance, I knew the small cast to be some of the very best talent Newcastle University Theatre Society had to offer. The production was staged at The Bridge Hotel and the venue provided a homely atmosphere in keeping with the static living room set of the play (despite the bar downstairs enjoying a raucous Saturday night). Although neither of these is the fault of the team involve in producing Entertaining Mr Sloane, they did provide some difficulty and distraction. The set was honest and simple, but effective, a realistic front room of a 60s household. The play begins with the entrance of Sloane and Kath, his prospective landlady. The sexual tension on stage is palpable; Ben Leech as Sloane is calm, calculated, and just smouldering enough. Charlotte Wood as Kath is well immersed in her character; she is nervous, perhaps shy, but desperate for affection, attention, and sex. As the plot progresses we are introduced to Kemp, Kath’s elderly father, played by Nicholas Pople, a fantastically talented and committed performer, whose onstage physicality is of a professional standard. At first Sloane recognises Kemp and subsequently Kemp identifies Sloane to the audience as the killer of his boss. The tension on stage throughout this discussion is high, only to be abruptly deflated, leaving you panting for more. The final character we are introduced to is Ed, Kath’s brother, estranged from his father because of him catching Ed engaged in homosexual activity 20 years ago. Ed criticises Kath for taking a lodger, but immediately warms to Sloane when in his presence. Chris Theobald brings us Ed and he is truly
“The sexual tension on stage is palpable”
Babbling at the Baltic Charlie Dearnley on an evening of collaborative sound and performance pieces curated by students
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abble has been months in the making. It is the multitude of weeks of rigorous planning, days of writing, countless meetings, and more emails than I care to attempt to count. My eyes are square but it has been excellent and madly exciting. Babble at the BALTIC Centre for Contemporary Arts Gateshead promises to be an extraordinary exploration into the boundaries between sound and text. Organised by UnstapledPress in collaboration with Breeze Creatives and Occasion Events, babble takes place at BALTIC on Monday 27 April, consisting of free workshops in the day from 4.30pm - 6.30pm and a ticketed performance event in the evening starting at 7pm. The workshops are led by musician and technologist Shaun Blezard, a Cumbria-based artist who creates music with smart technology, creating interactive performative works. Guided by Shaun, participants will explore the Baltic, uncovering environmental sound to inform a new group text piece. We will explore the rhythms and textures of the space around us and the transition from sound to words to create a Baltic Babble Ballad. In the second half we will then create a new audio-visual work exploring the transition from text to sound. Using smart technology like Wii remotes and iPads to play and change clips, a group work will be performed, remixing text loops and adding live parts to create a unique audio visual poem. The evening event features three performances
showcasing the amalgamation of text and sound. The first performance by artist Heather Reid is a piece of unaccompanied spoken word. Examining the idea of babbling, Heather’s piece of prose plays with repetition and fast changing dynamics, poetically exploiting the sound potential of the written word. The second performance then features Shaun Blezard abstracting Heather’s spoken text to transform it into sound. The third performance is a collaborative work by artists/writers Lauren Vevers and Charlie Dearnley, live sound duo TURC (Roo Carpenter and James Unsworth) and digital artist Sean Cotterill. The work exemplifies a final amalgamation of text and sound, creating a dialogue between musicians and artists. The text explores the idea of babbling as confessional, building character and story with repeated motifs and themes that are enhanced by TURC’s part improvised music whilst Sean Cotterill’s live coding within the performance focuses on voice manipulation. The whole event will feature a constant live twitter Q&A with the hashtag #BabbleBaltic, with a team of artist experts on hand to answer questions and prompt a discussion. A live feed of the audio on Mixlr will be streaming as well to enable more people to enter the online discussion. It’s absolutely incredible to be involved in a project at the BALTIC, do try and make it down for what is bound to be an astounding day and an unrepeatable experience.
“Babble promises to be an extraordinary exploration into the boundaries between sound and text”
“We will explore the rhythms and textures of the space around us to create a Baltic Babble Ballad”
stunning (the standout performance of the play for me). He is delightfully creepy, stunningly funny, and looks fantastic; his costume, hair, and make up are perfect. Throughout Act Two the play gathers more tension, Sloane’s psychopathic tendencies become more obvious, as does the taboo nature of his relationship with Ed and Kath, and eventually Kath is revealed to be pregnant. Sloane eventually kills Kemp, who has decided to reveal Sloane’s past. Kemp’s children seem to put this aside rather easily, and eventually decide to share Sloane on a contractual basis, to satisfy their desires. The performances of all four actors change in this half; Kathy must become more erratic and headstrong, Sloane must become more dangerous, Ed reaches new levels of creepiness, and Kemp panics to the point of hysteria. All four did a superb job. They were positioned well on stage, there was no unnecessary empty space, nor did it ever feel unnecessarily crowded; a remarkable achievement in so small a venue. For me, unfortunately, however enjoyable each actor’s performance was, and how efficient the directing, the script felt a little dated. Lines that should have been received seriously produced loud laughter and lines which were meant to be funny were less so. Perhaps due to the dated nature of the dialogue most missed the hints that Sloane is actually the son of Kathy, who gave up a child in her younger years. The only other flaw in my mind was some strange use of the sofa, as a barrier between the audience and action. I am unsure whether this was to conceal what was happening in order to build tension, or merely a way to avoid stage combat or action. All in all I enjoyed this production, even if I did find the script somewhat strange.
The Courier
arts.21
Monday 20 April 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/arts c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier-
Preview: Fields at Durham Castle Jess Harman explores what musical genius is to emerge later this April down the road in Durham, as the castle becomes the setting for an electronic soundscape
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n the 23rd April 2015, Sebastien Piquemal and Tim Shaw present their mobile diffusion sound system to the Norman Chapel in Durham Castle. Since the venue has limited capacity, Fields is putting on two free shows at 7.30pm and 8.30pm. Fields was developed at the start of 2014 through an explorative artistic process to create an electronics sound piece. What was created has become a live-performance system allowing audiences to connect to a custom web server on their smart phones, tablets and laptops. Once connected, the devices become an array of speakers that the performers can control live. Each audience member has the opportunity to create their own personal speaker, contributing to an omnidirectional sonic experience.
Fields has a repertoire of two musical compositions, using their diffusion sound system to explore new forms of sound design and audience participation. The project has created a new context for listening and performing, finding more dynamic and intimate configurations between audience and performance. Explorations of different sounds from within, behind and anonymously inside the audience has helped the performances to build creative performer–audience relationships and understand the sound design for tiny speakers
“Fields creates interesting sonic textures by embellishing the random interactions between devices”
“Personal mobile devices are increasingly becoming a powerful platform for live performance and creating new levels of audience engagement with live music”
that electronic devices have. The nature of the live performances required a sense of delayed response when composing pieces. Since Fields depends on a wireless network, it is currently impossible to achieve precise accuracy in musical timings. This element plays to the strengths of the sound diffusion, creating interesting sonic textures by embellishing the random interactions between devices. Currently Fields is being adapted to improve the special and temporal accuracy of musical performances at a variety of venues with different acoustics and spatial dynamics, in order to add gestures to the compositional palette of the system. Other upcoming dates on their UK tour include venues such as, the Café OTO, Other Worlds Festival, Green Door Store, Islington Mill and The Louisiana Cellar.
Personal mobile devices are increasingly becoming a powerful platform for live performance and creating new levels of audience engagement with live music. Fields has helped to explore the potential of these devices through their performances across Europe with previous show in Berlin, Lisbon, Paris, Helsinki, Athens, Edinburgh and Newcastle.
Previews
What Falls Apart: Live Theatre
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ritten by Torben Betts, What Falls Apart documents and expresses one man’s demise into an alcohol fuelled mid-life crisis. Tom is an ex-Labour minister who is struggling to function in the aftermath of his party’s policies that pertain to Iraq. With looming television interviews ahead, Tom struggles with the constant challenge of resisting the temptation of having one more drink and often gives into this urge. The mission ahead to gather supporters and encourage them to give their hearts, like disciples, to the Labour party is proving too much- especially when an election looms ahead and the party are not in any position to consider a loss.
“What Falls Apart explores the state and fruits of the British left wing”
Tom, somehow, in his drunkenness, finds himself in the bar of a Newcastle hotel at midnight and within the company of a barman recovering from his experience of alcoholism, as well as a woman who could only be described as a criminal. If Tom ever believed this could lead to an average night, he was very mistaken. It is at the point when the barman provides Tom with a cocktail, with the compliments of the unknown woman, that he should be prepared for the events that may well follow. What Falls Apart intends to explore the state and fruits of the British left wing (similarly to Betts newest play, Invincible) and bring both political principles into compromise at the hands of passion. Its North East premiere is something not to be missed. Charlotte Maxwell
Cyrano de Bergerac: Northern Stage
A
brilliantly entertaining tale, Cyrano de Bergerac has been enthralling audiences for over a century. The play follows a cadet in the French army who excels at everything he tries his hand at. A soldier by profession and a poet by nature, his incurable romanticism is only curtailed by his unfortunate looks, because de Bergerac has the largest nose in France.
“De Bergerac’s incurable romanticism is only curtailed by his unfortunate looks, because de Bergerac has the largest nose in France” Setting up one of literature’s best-known and well-loved love triangles, de Bergerac pens passionate love letters to the heroine of the piece, Roxanne, on behalf of his comrade, the handsome Christian. Roxanne is de Bergerac’s equal in intelligence, and as tragically beautiful as he is ugly, and so he cannot confess his love for her except under the guise of a rival’s feelings. His panache as a poet unparalleled, he sets about in breaking his own heart, all the while capturing hers with his words. Drama aplenty abounds, from duels and battles to the hero’s heartache. Hailed as a “deeply moving, stripped-down version” of Anthony Burgess’ translation of the play, the Royal & Derngate production has been lauded by audiences and critics alike; both Nigel Barrett’s endearingly human Cyrano and Cath Whitefield’s captivating Roxanne have been praised for their performances. Iqra Choudhry
Arts Emergency: Baltic
A
rts Emergency, a charity based in London, is coming to the Toon. As an organisation, the team aim to “change the lives of hundreds of current and future students” who can’t necessarily afford university education. Through the use of mentor programmes, public events and donations the charity ensures that art “remains a viable path for anyone, from any background”. The painful nine grand us students pay yearly simply isn’t possible for some people, and many strands of the arts are declining due to people choosing degrees which will hopefully make more money.
“The steps that charities like this are making are keeping the arts alive”
Arts Emergency is the answer for the creative souls out there. On the 1st May, Baltic is hosting an event by Breeze Creatives and Arts Emergency to publicise this amazing cause. As a sister event to those taking place along the South Bank in London, this free evening aims to add to the emerging foothold the charity is establishing in the North East. The event will hold performances from ¡VAMOS!, ZENDEH, Dance City, Candy Vortex, NOVAK, Star & Shadow Cinema, music from Juneau Brothers and Shields and more to be announced soon. Mentors in all areas of art are being encouraged to step forward and join the charity. This is an absolutely unmissable event for an exceedingly important cause. The steps that charities like this are making are keeping the arts alive and pioneering for all thinkers and creators around the world. Art shouldn’t be exclusive to the middle and upper classes, it should be universally created and enjoyed. Lucy Chenery
Accessible arts Jennifer Hopps sorts through her holiday junk and discovers the artwork of her favourite album artists
D
uring the Easter holidays I have been doing absolutely anything to put off my work: going food shopping with my mum, re-watching all of Game of Thrones – actually I considered this to be essential preparation for the new season, not procrastination – and painting my nails, something I never bother to do, at least twice a day. When you’re hunched over, trying to force your toes apart with anything you can find (I was using pencils) and slopping nail varnish on (and sort of next to) your nails for the second time in one day, you know you’re bored. The real low I think, though, was when I spent a full day spring cleaning my room. Not the kind of spring cleaning you did when you were 14 and your mum threatened you with no pudding or being grounded, but proper grown-up dusting-behind-the-bed-and-actuallysorting-through-your-stuff kind of cleaning.
“I don’t think I ever gave it much thought at the time, but some of the artwork in my dodgy CD collection is seriously brilliant” And that is how I came up with the idea for this column. Whilst I was sorting through the inordinate amount of stuff I’ve managed to collect and hoard over the years, I came across my CD collection. Stumbling upon my old discs and I was actually pleasantly surprised. I decided to ignore the bizarre and fairly questionable music taste I had as a teenager (Kelly Clarkson was heavily involved, I’m ashamed to say), and was instead intrigued by some of the cover art on the albums. I don’t think I ever gave it much thought at the time, but some of the artwork in my dodgy CD collection is seriously brilliant. For example, Stereophonics’ Pull the Pin album (musically where they started going downhill, artistically where they got it spot on) – could stand alone as a piece of modern art. Another stand out cover on my shelf is the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ By The Way album artwork. I can so clearly imagine art critics debating the meaning of the smudge across the girl’s eyes – ‘yes, it represents her blindness to reality, her fragile innocence which is being slowly lost…’, ‘no, it represents that her optimistic vision is being blurred by the horrors she encounters…’. Frankly what I’d like to know is why the girl appears to be made out of water, but hey, for whatever reason it totally works. Obviously, not all CD artwork is that great. The alarming number of NOW CDs that I discovered are nearly all identical, made different from each other only by colour scheme. The Kelly Clarkson CD also had a pretty boring cover – just our Kel posing on a background of delightful olive green… If artwork is your thing, it’s vinyl cases that you really want to be looking at.
22.filmfeatures features
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Film Editors: Rosie Rosie Bellini & David Leighton Online Editor: George Smith
CGI: reanimating the dead
Pleasure Island
Jupiter Ascending
J
upiter Ascending, by the Wachowski siblings, is already considered one of the first big failures of 2015. It tells the story of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), a poor woman cleaning wealthy people’s toilets for a living, who then discovers she’s of royal descent and owns planet earth, after half-merc-half-dog mercenary Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) saves her from getting abducted by aliens. If that’s not enough silliness for you, Jupiter Ascending features talking dinosaurs, space rollerblades, Eddie Redmayne as an over-the-top camp villain, Sean Bean as a ‘fallen’ bee-man, and a not-so-subtle critique of the excesses of capitalism. Many critics liked the visuals, but found the plot to be messy and incomprehensible, the dialogue clunky, and the movie in general to be the worst thing the Wachowskis have done so far. Rotten Tomatoes critic consensus reads: “Pleasing to the eye but narratively befuddled, Jupiter Ascending delivers another visually thrilling misfire from the Wachowskis”. These people must hate fun. I haven’t enjoyed seeing a film at the cinema as much in a very long time. Well, much of what the critics say is true: the plot is all over the place and the dialogue ranges from weird to unintentionally funny. Some things get no explanation, for example why Channing Tatum does not put his shirt back on for about half an hour of the film. But some things just don’t need explanations, and I say the same thing about the plot. I could explain it in greater detail, but it simply does not really matter, Jupiter Ascending has other strengths. It mainly thrives on the role of Jupiter, the film’s young heroine. The Wachowskis themselves said that they wanted to reverse the classical sci-fi trope that the hero is “emotionally withholding, strong and stoic”. Instead they wanted “characters who negotiate conflict and complex situations with intelligence and empathy”, and that’s where they succeeded. Jupiter is not isn’t a particularly strong, or subversive character – neatly fitting into the category of forgettable. She does not know martial arts and she would rather keep away from a gun. Jupiter takes her time to reflect on what could be the best outcome for all, deciding on her own to marry a complete stranger to save mankind. Jupiter is empathetic and vulnerable. That does not mean she can’t kick arse, but you do find yourself surprised when she eventually swings a pipe in someone’s face. Her relationship with Caine is a better part of the film. Sure, there is a classic “can love conquer the class divide?” conflict going on, but the film does not bother to go for the “willthey-won’t-they” you get in the typical rom-com. Jupiter and Caine are very much into each other right from the beginning and they are both not afraid to show it. That’s very refreshing to see. And yes, I love the film because it’s cheesy. It’s trashy. But if you know that beforehand, you can have a really good time. So if you’re looking for a mindless but emotionally engaging and visually beautiful sci-fi spectacle you should give Jupiter Ascending a chance. Lisa Schmechel
Rhian Hunter looks at the precedents and ethics of bringing deceased stars back from beyond the grave with technical wizardry
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ith Fast and Furious 7 finally released in cinemas recently in dedication to the late Paul Walker, the question of what to do upon the death of a cast member midproduction arises. A death can seriously affect the completion of a film, but nowadays many techniques can be used to replicate the image of an individual. With CGI and special effects progressing in leaps and bounds, the film industry continues to grow despite hiccups along the way. However, in some cases, particularly in the past before the advent of such computing skills arrived on the scene, filming and production had to be halted altogether. For example, Marilyn Monroe’s untimely death in August 1962, after numerous previous problems with filming and even a brief interval in which she was fired, prevented the release of Something’s Got to Give. Eventually, in a 2001 documentary of the star’s demise, material was salvaged and reconstructed into a new edition.
“The Crow is the perfect example of the ways in which modern technology can overcome such debilitating obstacles”
On the other hand, Brandon Lee’s shocking death on the set of The Crow didn’t completely thwart the film’s release. When Lee was shot, accidentally, by a real gun instead of a prop, the film’s production team managed to recover from the mishap, and a completed product with the use of special effects and the odd rewritten scene was released in 1994, with a dedication to Lee and his family. Garnering critical acclaim and a cult following, The Crow is the perfect example of the ways in which modern technology can overcome such debilitating obstacles. For others, though, things weren’t so simple. Heath Ledger, in 2008, died of a suspected over-
dose on prescription drugs during the post-filming period preceding the release of Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece The Dark Knight. He did complete filming, so only the marketing campaign for the film was affected; however, he did leave one unfinished project – The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. The Faustus-inspired fantasy remained on hiatus until technicalities and rewrites were figured out. Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell stepped in, donating their fees for filming to the daughter of Ledger and Michelle Williams. They all played different incarnations of Ledger’s character, expanding on the mystery and wonder created by the brilliant Ledger, and the film was released in full form in May 2009. So with the perhaps increasing amount of casualties causing problems for producers, how is the
industry going to transcend such obstacles and continue to thrive? Insurance companies will demand to be one step ahead of these potential catastrophes, perhaps demanding recordings of voices, facial expressions and the like. Aside from the tragedy, insurance often covers the astronomical costs of dealing with the death of a cast member, as was the case with the late Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s role in the final two instalments of The Hunger Games. But should this be the case? Should the death of a cast member terminate filming and production entirely, allowing close acquaintances and family members to grieve in peace? Or is the dedication and public mourning enough, for the time being? I’m not quite sure, but I have a feeling that whilst the industry remains prosperous, the former is the most likely.
Who run the world?
After the admittedly interesting, but ultimately pointless, live election debate, Harry Musson H[DPLQHV ZKLFK RI RXU IDYRXULWH ¿ OP FKDUDFWHUV VKRXOG XVXUS 'RZQLQJ 6WUHHW
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’ll admit it – I didn’t watch the live debates. Please don’t tell the Politics students. Yes, I am one of those ‘disenchanted 18-25 year olds.’ I belong to a growing group of the population: apathetic, bored and disillusioned. Why has this disconnect happened? Honestly, I think that’s too big a question to be answered by an amateur (barely competent) journalist with 550 words to play with. However, let me give you my take on what I think could be changed in politics to get more people involved. With this being the Film section, I will be picking characters from the big screen that best exemplify my arguments. It seems hard to trust politicians. (All donations to Most Obvious Statement of the Year are welcome.) When they’re not fiddling their expenses, they’re backtracking on their promises. Clegg, £9000 anyone? Is it too much to ask for individuals with probity, honesty and morals? Is it too much to ask for Samwise Gamgee from The Lord Of The Rings? A hobbit with a heart of gold and a love of potatoes. He helped his best mate fight off all manner of creatures to save the world. And not once did he fill out an expenses request. He’s the kind of guy that you could leave with your Facebook logged in. Can you imagine the profile pic that Farage would set for you? Another issue that really bothers me is ‘Big Money’ in politics. Obviously, and rightly, we can donate to the party of our choice and show our support. However, with no cap on donations, huge amounts are flooding each party’s war chest. Individual donations have brought that total to over £1 million. To me that feels like bribery. Politicians and policies should not be bought. So who do I want sniffing around the alleyways of Westmin-
ster, chasing down loose-ends and finding out the truth? Jake Gittes from Chinatown (1974). Played brilliantly by Jack Nicholson, this slick and sleazy private investigator stops at nothing to investigate what seems like a simple ‘unfaithful husband’ job, an investigation that eventually exposes the corruption of Los Angeles. However, being from those sunny climes, he may not deal with our weather too well though. So I may have to go with Sam Spade of The Maltese Falcon instead.
“I want a leader who I can look up to, someone who inspires me. Someone like Rocky Balboa”
Who sees Miliband as motivating? Or Cameron as courageous? I mean, Gordon Brown wasn’t exactly Atticus Finch. The problem is that the leaders of our country are just a bit dull. It seems that the parties have a production line of nondescript, middle-aged, privately educated men. I want a leader who I can look up to, someone who inspires me. Someone like Rocky Balboa. First of all he certainly didn’t go to Eton/Oxbridge (apparently they don’t offer a course on the art of training montages). He’s a tough working-class hero, who fought, literally and figuratively, from poverty to success. ‘The Italian Stallion’ embodies determination and the ability to never give up. Who better to help Britain up off the canvas? Personally, I can’t imagine David Cameron triumphantly running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. So what I want is an honest, incorruptible, inspiring leader. Anyone got Mufasa’s number?
number   of  sources  to  help  facilitate  ambitious  artworks  and  performances,  and  cover  instal- lation  costs.
62&,$/ 5(1(:$/ Sponsored  by
Community  Spirit Abdul  Hadi  Ali  (Stage  2,  Law) Abdul  is  a  voluntary  trainee  advisor  at  Gateshead  Citizens  Advice  Bureau  and  men- tors  students  at  INTO.  He  is  also  a  volunteer  Advocate  for  BME  (Black  and  Minority  Ethnic  community)  at  the  Advocacy  Centre  North,  where  he  is  currently  working  with  a  client  who  has  been  wrongfully  convicted  of  man- slaughter,  and  is  aiming  to  secure  funding  to  bring  the  claim  to  court.  In  light  of  this  experi- ence  and  his  own,  Abdul  is  planning  to  set  up  an  Innocence  Project  in  the  Law  School. Lauren  Honey  (Stage  2,  Politics)
Contribution  to  Arts  and  Culture Ana  Fernandez-ÂGuerra  (Stage  3,  Music) Ana  has  sung  in  numerous  recitals  and  op- eratic  workshops,  and  was  the  opening  solo- LVW LQ D UHFHQW %%& 5DGLR FKRUDO WRXU EXW her  contribution  to  the  arts  extends  beyond  her  own  personal  achievements.  Ana  also  teaches  classical  singing  skills  to  students  here  at  Newcastle  University  and  through  her  teaching  role  at  Durham  Chorister  School.  She  co-Âconducts  the  Gay  and  Lesbian  Pride  Choir,  raises  money  for  charity  and  holds  per- formances  at  local  care  homes.  She  inspires  others  to  perform,  notably  through  her  role  on  the  ICMuS  (Internat ional  Centre  for  Music  Studies)  committee.
Lauren  has  become  a  Political  Ambassador  for  Cancer  Research  UK  for  the  North  Dur- ham  region,  actively  working  with  local  par- liamentarians  and  candidates  to  sign  them  up  to  Cancer  Research  campaigns,  encour- aging  many  more  student  volunteers  to  join  the  cause,  and  regularly  organising  events  to  fundraise  for  the  charity.  In  addition  to  this,  Lauren  is  the  Community  Rep  for  Jesmond  South,  actively  leading  the  clean-Âup  opera- tion.  She  has  also  made  a  notable  effort  to  include  international  students  in  campus  life  through  her  work  with  Give  It  A  Go  and  SCAN. Rajan  Nair  (Stage  4,  Speech  &Íž  Lan- guage  Sciences) Rajan  volunteered  to  become  an  assistant  at  a  local  Cub  Scouts  group,  helping  to  prevent  its  closure.  He  uses  his  skills,  experience  and  cultural  knowledge  to  develop  and  inspire  the  girls  and  boys  in  the  community.  Rajan  also  volunteers  to  drive  a  minibus  for  a  group  of Â
Grace  Brown  (Stage  3,  Politics  &  Sociol- ogy)
The Pride of Newcastle University Awards 2015: The Shortlist The  Pride  of  Newcastle  University  Awards  is  our  opportunity  to  recognise,  celebrate  and  say  thank  you  for  the  contribution  of  our  students  this  academic  year  to  the  University  and  our  wider  society. Organised  jointly  by  the  Careers  Service  and  Students’  Union,  the  awards  were  launched  in  January  and  we  have  been  overwhelmed  with  both  the  quality  and  quantity  of  nominations,  including  nominations  from  our  students  in  Singapore  and  Malaysia.  “Shortlisting  has  been  incredibly  toughâ€?  said  $FWLYLWLHV 2IÂż FHU $P\ 0DFDXOH\ Âł:H DLPHG WR VKRUWOLVW Âż YH VWXGHQWV LQ HYHU\ FDWHJRU\
“The calibre of entries was so high... we have ended up shortlisting more nomineesâ€? but  in  some  areas  the  calibre  of  entries  was  so  high  we  simply  couldn’t  choose  and  have  ended  up  shortlisting  more  nominees.  It  was  a  privilege  to  be  a  part  of  this  process  and  to  EH DEOH WR VHH DW Âż UVW KDQG WKH LQVSLULQJ WKLQJV our  students  have  been  doing  alongside  their  studiesâ€?. “I  would  like  to  congratulate  every  student,  whether  nominated  or  shortlistedâ€?  added  Marc  Lintern,  Director  of  the  University’s  Ca- UHHUV 6HUYLFH Âł:LWK PRUH WKDQ SHRSOH DW tending  our  awards  dinner  this  is  a  fantastic  RSSRUWXQLW\ IRU RXU LQYLWHG JXHVWV WR Âż QG RXW more  about  what  makes  our  students  so  out- standingâ€?.  Invitations  to  shortlisted  students  are  in  the  process  of  being  sent  out  and  we  look  forward  to  announcing  the  winners  at  our  awards  din- QHU RQ -XQH
12 AWARDS 5 CATEGORIES
Grace  has  led  and  curated  a  collection  of  work  from  members  of  the  Feminist  Society  (FemSoc)  in  a  magazine  format  to  be  profes- sionally  published  and  archived  in  the  British  Library.  She  has  given  a  platform  to  those  who  DUH RIWHQ PDUJLQDOLVHG DQG LQFUHDVHG FRQ¿ dence  in  their  writing  and  future  career  am- bitions.  Under  Grace’s  leadership,  the  maga- zine  has  been  vastly  expanded  in  both  scope  and  reach,  and  will  be  used  to  raise  funds  for  future  FemSoc  campaigns  and  charity  work. Katherine  McConville  (Stage  4,  Speech  &  Language  Sciences)
58 INDIVIDUALS AND SOCIETIES NOMINATED WEDNESDAY 3RD JUNE 2015 A CELEBRATION OF STUDENTS AND GRADUATES WHO MAKE OUR UNIVERSITY PROUD
Katherine  has  been  President  of  the  Irish  Dance  Society  for  the  past  three  years  where  she  teaches  steps  and  routines  to  all  ability  groups  and  creates  all  her  own  choreogra- phy.  She  also  arranges  performances  in  the  community  and  at  private  functions  -  including  WHDFKLQJ 7\QHPRXWK :, DERXW WKH RULJLQV DQG history  of  Irish  dance  (including  some  steps!).  Through  her  teaching  and  enthusiasm,  she  in- VSLUHV FRQ¿ GHQFH LQ DOO WKRVH ZKR SDUWLFLSDWH Luke  Robson  (Stage  2,  Fine  Art) Having  created  FilmSoc  last  year,  Luke  has  continued  to  develop  this  society,  creating  WKHLU ¿ UVW VKRUW ¿ OP ZKLFK ZDV VKRUWOLVWHG IRU the  National  Student  Film  Festival)  and  inte- JUDWLQJ )LOP6RF LQWR WKH ZLGHU ¿ OP PDNLQJ community.  He  has  featured  in  exhibitions,  is  due  to  be  published  next  year,  has  undertak- en  the  role  of  Lead  Set  Designer  in  a  Northern  Stage  production,  and  is  Marketing  Director  for  NUTS  (Newcastle  University  Theatre  Soci- ety).  Following  his  success  of  taking  a  produc- WLRQ WR WKH )ULQJH )HVWLYDO KH KDV VLQFH set  up  his  own  theatre  company,  and  will  be  revisiting  the  festival  again  this  year  with  an- other  production.  Square  One
SHORTLIST 2015
Square  One  has  given  artists  and  musicians  across  the  North  East  the  opportunity  to  ex- hibit  ambitious  multi-Âdiscipline  work  in  a  large,  creative  venue  in  Ouseburn  with  a  growing  audience.  Through  bi-Âmonthly  events,  they  engage  a  large  number  of  the  general  public  who  wouldn’t  normally  have  the  opportunity  to  see  this  work.  Setting  up  on  a  very  small  budget,  they  have  attracted  funding  from  a Â
adults  with  learning  disabilities,  and  spends  time  working  with  them  to  enable  a  better  quality  of  life.  He  is  also  a  member  of  the  Li- ons  International  Club,  raising  money  for  a  range  of  charities  throughout  the  year Yoko  Masaki  (UG  non-ÂErasmus  Exchange  Students  in  SMLS) Yoko  is  an  ambassador  for  volunteering  and  for  the  contribution  that  students  in  Newcastle  can  make  to  the  community  around  them.  Al- ways  friendly  and  supportive,  she  has  made  invaluable  contributions  not  only  to  SCAN  (food  growing,  committee  work,  guerrilla  gar- dening,  welcoming  new  volunteers)  but  to  community  associations  across  the  city,  from  Crisis  and  Jesmond  Bellringers,  to  environ- mental  work  and  befriending  older  people  with  Age  Concern. Zoe  Carre  (Stage  3,  Law) Zoe  established  a  chapter  of  the  Students  for  Sensible  Drug  Policy  (SSDP),  enabling  students  to  lead  healthier  lifestyles  and  have  equal  opportunities,  providing  honest  and  ap- proachable  drug  and  alcohol  education,  cou- pled  with  compassionate  care.  SSDP  helps  prevent  emergency  incidents  and  overdoses  by  disseminating  information  about  danger- ous  substances  in  circulation. Xarius  Austin  (Stage  2,  Cellular  &  Molec- ular  Biology) Xarius  is  a  regular  volunteer  for  St  John  Am- bulance,  dedicating  many  hours  of  his  own  WLPH WR EH D Âż UVW DLGHU DW HYHQWV DOO RYHU 1HZ castle.  As  Training  Coordinator  for  the  LINKS  Society,  Xarius  runs  weekly  training  sessions  to  large  groups  and  aims  to  make  campus  a  safer  place.  His  enthusiasm  has  helped  make  WKLV \HDU D KXJH VXFFHVV IRU WKH VRFLHW\ PRUH WKDQ VWXGHQWV KDYH EHHQ WDXJKW OLIHVDYLQJ
AGEING
Sponsored  by
Social  Inclusion  &  Cultural  Diver- sity Islamic  Society  –  also  in  Societies The  Islamic  Society  provides  extensive  en- gagement  with  members,  non-Âmembers  and  the  wider  community  through  events  such  as  welcome  dinners,  charity  week,  Muslim  festival  celebrations,  trips  and  competitions.  ‘Discover  Islam  Week’  is  one  of  the  biggest  Islamic  events  in  the  whole  of  Newcastle  –  an  excellent  opportunity  to  educate  others  at  a  time  of  much  negative  press.  They  have  worked  hard  to  dispel  common  misconcep- tions,  promote  understanding  and  improve  interfaith  relationships.
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fowl.
Abi  Deivanayagam  (Stage  4,  Medicine)
Joey  is  both  an  ambassador  and  participant  in  the  new  Hall  Sport  programme,  where  she  has  competed  in  a  male-Âdominated  environ- ment  and  consistently  been  in  the  top  three  players  (and  the  overall  winner  of  the  league).  Joey  has  contributed  to  the  recruitment  of  470  participants,  worked  on  the  new  programme  branding,  and  communicated  with  people  from  over  25  different  countries  on  a  weekly  basis  while  promoting  and  delivering  the  Hall  Sport  programme.
Amy  Fok  (Stage  1,  Zoology)
Abi  has  combined  her  medicine  degree  with  her  role  as  Director  of  International  Affairs  for  Medsin-ÂUK,  a  global  health  charity.  In  this  role  she  has  facilitated  international  experiences  and  opportunities  for  many  students  across  the  UK,  including  leading  a  delegation  to  the  World  Health  Assembly  and  General  Assem- blies  of  the  International  Federation  of  Stu- dents’  Association.
Maddy  Wood  (Stage  1,  Marketing  &  Man- agement) Maddy  has  been  instrumental  in  the  addition  of  a  ladies  football  session  to  the  Intra  Mural  sports  programme,  proving  hugely  popular  with  numbers  growing  on  a  weekly  basis.  She  has  introduced  over  50  new  female  students  to  the  programme,  who  would  otherwise  have  not  had  the  opportunity  to  play,  taken  coach- ing  badges  and  helped  deliver  weekly  ses- sions.  Mind  the  Gap After  the  success  of  mental  health  confer- ence  ‘Mind  the  Gap’  last  year,  this  new  society Â
Lucy  Morgan  (Stage  2,  English  Literature) As  President  of  the  Feminist  Society,  Lucy  has  demonstrated  great  support  and  in- clusivity  to  all.  She  has  successfully  been  HOHFWHG DV *HQGHU (TXDOLW\ 2IÂż FHU DQG OHG a  campaign  for  ‘Free  Periods’,  which  recently  passed  through  Student  Council  with  100%  backing,  having  collected  over  1200  student  signatures.  Lucy  has  also  has  worked  with  a  multitude  of  local  charities  and  campaigns,  promoting  inclusivity  and  a  culture  that  every- one  is  equal  and  everyone  matters.  Richard  Armstrong  (Stage  1,  Speech  &Íž  Language  Sciences) 7KURXJK SHUVRQDO VDFULÂż FH DQG SHUVHYHUDQFH Richard  has  raised  awareness  of  prisoners’  FRPPXQLFDWLRQ DQG OLWHUDF\ GLIÂż FXOWLHV EDVHG on  his  time  working  in  a  prison.  His  work  has  been  published  in  national  newspapers  and  academic  journals.  Richard  funded  his  per- sonal  and  professional  development  himself,  which  has  led  to  him  securing  a  place  study- ing  Speech  &Íž  Languages  Sciences,  al- lowing  him  to  achieve  even  more  in  his  spe- FLÂż F DLPV DPELWLRQV DQG FDPSDLJQV Ruth  Kennedy-ÂWalker  (Year  4,  PhD  Civil  Engineering) Ruth  has  been  a  pioneering  representative  for  the  Athena  Swan  Award,  celebrating  and  en- couraging  women  in  STEM  subjects.  She  has  created  a  diverse  and  well-Âintegrated  post- graduate  research  (PGR)  community  through  her  work  on  her  School’s  Board  of  Studies,  by  running  the  Engineers  Without  Borders’  STEMNET  group,  which  involved  working  with  school  and  industry  groups,  and  encour- aging  isolated  researchers  to  engage  and  feel  welcome.  Serena  Lim  (Year  4,  PhD  Marine  Technol- ogy)
(formed  from  those  involved)  has  continued  to  increase  knowledge  and  understanding  of  mental  health  whilst  tackling  misconceptions  both  on  and  off  campus.  They  have  received  great  feedback  from  students,  lecturers  and  NHS  professionals,  and  worked  with  the  Med- ical  School,  local  charities  and  the  Royal  Col- lege  of  Psychiatrists. Weightlifting  Club The  Weightlifting  Club  has  grown  into  an  in- clusive,  culturally  diverse  and  tight-Âknit  com- munity  that  encourages  an  active  lifestyle  and  the  development  of  personal  strength.  Over- coming  gender  stereotypes,  they  have  wel- comed  many  female  participants  and  strive  to  provide  inclusive  activities  for  all,  includ- ing  alcohol-Âfree  socials  and  restaurant  trips  appropriate  for  all  members’  dietary  require- ments.  The  Club  have  fostered  an  environ- ment  of  trust  and  community,  enabling  them  to  achieve  competitive  success  by  setting  re- cords  at  the  British  Nationals.  Women’s  Rugby  Club The  Women’s  Rugby  Club  have  overcome  ¿ QDQFLDO DQG JHQGHU LQHTXDOLWLHV DQG FKDO lenged  stereotypes  that  exist  in  sport  to  en- courage  more  female  students  to  set  aside  stigma  and  be  proud  to  participate  in  sport.  By  leading  campaigns  like  the  Rainbow  Laces  in- itiative  (showing  support  of  LGBT+  athletes),  removing  trials  and  other  barriers  to  participa- tion,  and  putting  women  in  positions  of  leader- ship  including  coaching  and  refereeing,  they  are  leading  the  way  in  working  towards  equal- ity  in  sport.
Indonesian  Society
Since  joining  SCAN  at  the  beginning  of  the  academic  year,  Amy  has  been  one  of  their  most  active  volunteers,  taking  a  key  part  in  many  of  the  NUS  Student  Green  Fund  project  strands,  including  Guerrilla  Gardening  and  the  Newcastle  Edible  Elswick  Project.  She  has  demonstrated  to  others  the  impact  of  liv- ing  greener,  and  shown  other  students  how  they  can  get  involved  with  SCAN’s  environ- mental  projects.  Guerrilla  Gardeners The  Guerrilla  Gardeners  have  linked  students  with  a  variety  of  community  organisations  to  help  them  carry  out  ongoing  environmental  and  conservation  activities.  The  group  are  always  reliable,  turning  out  in  large  numbers  to  lead  on  the  projects,  making  decisions  in  liaison  with  community  group  representa- tives  and  going  a  long  way  to  build  commu- nity  cohesion.   Jasmine  Black  (Stage  4,  PhD  Soil  Biogeochemistry)Jasmine  is  passionate  about  soil  sustainability  and  conveying  the  im- portance  of  this  to  civic  society  for  future  food  and  biodiversity  security.  Her  work  in  the  last  year  has  included  designing  training  sessions  for  Global  Soil  Week,  becoming  a  Global  Soil  Ambassador  for  the  Thought  for  Food  Organi- sation,  and  promoting  her  area  of  research  to  children  at  Seven  Stories,  amongst  many  other  efforts  and  achievements. Raymond  Anthony  Chaytor  (MSc  REEM  -  Renewable  Energy,  Enterprise  and  Man- agement) Raymond  has  utilised  business  and  entre- preneurial  knowledge  gained  on  his  masters  degree  to  make  his  company  more  sustain- able  and  environmentally  aware,  leading  ‘Ad- vanced  Renewable  Power  Ltd’  to  win  the  Low  Carbon,  Corporate  Responsibility  and  Envi- ronment  Award  at  the  North  East  Business  Awards  in  May.  He  has  also  undertaken  com- munity  initiatives  with  local  school  children  and  The  Woodland  Trust  to  enhance  aware- ness  of  environmental  issues.  Staff  Soil  Science  Society  (S5) S5  is  a  newly  established  society  who  aim  to  promote  soil  and  environmental  awareness  across  the  University  and  local  community  through  numerous  events  and  initiatives,  such  as  ‘Soil’s  Got  Talent’,  an  educational  event  aimed  at  KS2  children  and  their  ongoing  work  with  the  Newcastle  University  Estates  team  to  implement  better  management  techniques  for  the  valued  green  spaces  around  the  Univer- sity.
Global  Outlook Jeffery  Chan  (Stage  3,  Business  Manage- ment)
SUSTAINABILITY Sponsored  by
Realising  that  some  PhD  students  struggle  with  feelings  of  social  exclusion,  Serena  has  taken  it  upon  herself  to  help  them  engage  with  inclusive  activities,  going  as  far  as  to  drive  groups  of  students  around  the  UK  herself  and  accommodating  those  with  families  who  might  otherwise  not  have  been  able  to  take  part.  By  organising  frequent  trips  and  events,  and  developing  volunteers  to  ensure  the  sustain- ability  of  her  hard  work,  Serena  has  created  a  happy  and  integrated  community.
Contribution  to  Sport  &  Health Joey  Choi  (Stage  3,  Marketing  &  Manage-Â
Edward  has  been  devoted  to  the  natural  world  through  his  passion  for  waterfowl  since  an  early  age.  His  fundraising  and  volunteering  efforts  for  the  Wildfowl  and  Wetlands  Trust  over  the  past  12  months  demonstrate  this;Íž  he  recently  received  the  McQuade  Memorial  Award  from  the  International  Wild  Waterfowl  Association  for  his  contributions  to  agriculture  management,  which  includes  managing  his  own  collection  of  over  20  species  of  water-Â
 International  Development  Society  (IDS) Best  known  for  its  impressive  annual  confer- ence,  attended  this  year  by  over  200  people,  IDS  is  forging  the  way  in  the  development  of  strong  ties  between  students  and  alumni  with  international  development  interest.  The  newly- created  IDS  Alumni  Society,  with  50  members  across  the  globe,  has  forged  a  link  between  past  and  present  students,  supporting  current  students  to  take  on  relevant  career-Âenhancing  opportunities.  Sophie  Kerr  (MA  Professional  Translating  for  European  Languages)  –  also  in  Aca- demic Sophie  has  worked  tirelessly  to  provide  bet- ter  support  and  the  most  positive  experience  to  incoming  and  outgoing  exchange  students,  improving  links  between  students  and  the  In- WHUQDWLRQDO 2IÂż FH 6KH YROXQWHHUV DV 6HQLRU Student  Exchange  Ambassador  for  the  Inter- QDWLRQDO 2IÂż FH PDQDJHV D WHDP RI VWXGHQW volunteers  within  her  department,  and  pro- motes  exchange  opportunities  to  the  wider  student  population.  She  is  also  a  Course  Rep  on  the  Student  Staff  Committee  and  Board  of  Studies,  and  a  mentor  for  Japanese  ex- change  students
Rise  Up  (Enterprise) Sponsored  by
Enterprising  Spirit Charlotte  Turner  (Stage  3,  Geography) As  President  of  the  Enactus  Society  for  the  past  two  years,  Charlotte  has  developed  many  new  projects  by  creating  networks  in  the  community,  and  ran  a  number  of  training  days  to  support  the  development  of  others’  skills  including  project  planning  and  presenta- tion  skills.  She  is  enthusiastic  about  support- ing  and  mentoring  a  number  of  members  to  KHOS JURZ WKHLU FRQÂż GHQFH DQG DELOLWLHV Sonja  Felder  (Year  1,  PhD  Physical  Geog- raphy) Sonja  is  a  trustee  at  Stepney  Bank  Stables  and  has  used  her  experience  as  a  volunteer  to  foster  better  relations  between  the  Board  of  Trustees  and  volunteer  community.  She  has  LQFUHDVHG WKH Âż QDQFLDO VHFXULW\ RI WKH FKDU ity  through  dedicated  fundraising.  Sonja  is  a  voice  for  volunteers  and  has  established  per- sonal  business  contacts,  helping  to  shape  the  future  of  the  stables.   Stu  Brew  (Student  Brewing  Society) Stu  Brew  has  seen  the  innovative  develop-Â
Environmental  Champion Edward  Giles  (Stage  3,  Agri-ÂBusiness  Management)
The  Indonesian  Society  held  a  ‘Discover  In- donesia’  event,  which  consisted  of  a  two  day  bazaar  showcasing  Indonesian  food,  acces- sories,  clothing  and  workshops,  and  an  even- ing  performance  with  Northumbria  University  Indonesian  Society.  The  event  was  success- IXO LQ DWWUDFWLQJ D VLJQLÂż FDQW DXGLHQFH RI VWX dents  and  the  local  community,  and  helped  to  increase  awareness  of  the  diverse  nature  of  Indonesian  culture.
Jeffery  has  used  his  Global  Experience  Opportunity  (GEO)  in  Tel  Aviv  last  year  as  a  platform  to  actively  encourage  and  inspire  his  peers  to  develop  a  similar  global  outlook.  Since  returning,  he  has  worked  alongside  the  Business  School  as  an  Ambassador,  become  involved  with  AIESEC,  and  chairs  the  Business  School’s  Student-ÂStaff  Committee,  all  of  which  he  uses  to  inspire  a  global  outlook  in  others.
PHQW RI (XURSHÂśV Âż UVW VWXGHQW OHG PLFUREUHZ HU\ RQ FDPSXV IURP VWDUW WR Âż QLVK 7KH JURXS has-Â
developed  a  unique  and  sustainable  product  and  project,  with  volunteers  being  involved  in  every  aspect  of  the  business,  from  label  de- sign  to  sourcing  ingredients,  from  online  pro- PRWLRQ WR ERWWOLQJ ¿ QLVKHG SURGXFW Vicki  Dorling  (Stage  3,  Economics) As  President  of  Newcastle  Entrepreneurs,  the  society  has  nearly  doubled  in  size  under  KHU OHDGHUVKLS 9LFNL LV &KDLU RI WKH *UDGX ate  Enterprise  and  Entrepreneurship  Steering  *URXS ZKLFK GULYHV LQVWLWXWLRQDO VWUDWHJ\ LQ WKHVH DUHDV +HU HQWKXVLDVP IRU WKH VXEMHFWV and  the  opportunities  she  has  created  have  encouraged  other  students  to  develop  their  RZQ HQWHUSULVLQJ VNLOOV DQG DELOLWLHV
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The Courier
UHYLHZVILOP.23
Monday 20 April 2015
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‘Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.’ - Pulp Fiction (1994)
Fast & Furious 7
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ith an introduction like a genetic accident in which Top Gear, a lads holiday to Zante & The Expendables are spliced into one demonic hell-spawn of eye fuckery, Fast & Furious 7 is absolutely nothing new. However, for those who are inclined to enjoy a bit of outright silliness and are willing to discount the lack of originality, it’s more of the same and, in itself, really quite fun. As always, the Toretto family is in trouble, hunted down by the “scary, bigger brother” of Fast 6’s protagonist, Owen Shaw. After kicking the arse of an entire SWAT team and taking down The Rock (no less), the brother, Deckard, is ready to wail on the Fast & Furious crew, presumably, in a manner that is both fast and furious. Roll credits. The next two hours are neatly filled with enough action, enough car-porn and enough cleavage to keep you entertained despite a relatively simple plot and the lack of ingenuity involved. The soundtrack, of course, is more of the same. It’s a veritable smorgasbord of Now 78 Clubland Crackers and is vaguely reminiscent of your rougher nights at Tiger Tiger. Despite this, and my vague abhorrence for the kind of ‘tunes’ it tends to chug out, it does fit the film and can be quite punchy at times. James Wan really plays it loose and fast (geddit) with his direction, including nothing in the way of subtlety or subversion, sticking to the road-map of the last six films, but then that’s prob-
ably to be expected. Fast 7 does up in ante in terms of action, since Tokyo Drift (the third, technically prequel, arguably weakest in the franchise) F&F has been veering away from a film about racers to become an action film about racers - such diversion! There are jumps between buildings, a cracking throw-down between The Rock and Jason Statham - as overthe-top as it is, it still looks bad-ass - and lots of Tyrese Gibson being very, very Tyrese Gibson. One of the better-choreographed fight scenes between Michelle Rodriguez’s Letty and Ronda Rousey’s Kara ends with a spectacular cunt-punt that looked like it hurt all the way up to the ovaries. It was truly an enjoyable moment and one I didn’t realise I was looking for in an action franchise; the ball-kick has been overplayed in film and it was refreshing for the vagina-shiner - the female equivalent - to finally be utilised in Hollywood. It’s gender subversion, a kick in the crotch at a time. As always, realism is thrown out the window
and in a particularly ridiculous scene, where Dom Toretto is crossing over to the other side as the result of a car wreck, CPR fails and only Letty’s love (and I assume divine intervention) is capable of bringing Dom back from the brink...because the power of boners is stronger. The final scene is one of surprising poignancy; the series drops all silly pretence and pays homage to the death of Paul Walker. Whilst the scene does come of as a little tacky (with multiple references to brotherhood and his character spoken of in adoring, hushed tones) it is powerful - as all the characters sit back on a beach and watch Brian playing on the beach with wife and child - just to ‘appreciate the beauty’. At it’s worst it’s a tiny bit overdone, but it is clear that it was meant with good intention, it feels like they mean it and, really, it’s quite sad.
Cinderella (PG)
The DUFF (12)
The Tale of Princess Kaguya (U)
he DUFF, based on the book of the same title by Kody Keplinger, follows Bianca Piper (Mae Whitman) – a girl of average looks and no fashion sense who has two gorgeous friends (Skyler Samuels, Bianca A. Santos). Hers is a typical tale of being comfortable with herself, until one day jock Wesley Rush (Robbie Amell) tells her she’s the ‘DUFF’ of her friends: the Designated Ugly Fat Friend, not ugly per se, but definitely less good-looking and therefore a good springboard for others to get to the DUFF’s prettier and/or more popular friends. Highly offended, Bianca runs away, only to find the word keeps following her, and ultimately Bianca starts to think Wesley might be right about her status. In the end she decides to strike a deal with him: he will help her to ‘reverse-DUFF’ herself and she will help him to ace science. For those who have read the book: be prepared, because the storyline in the film is very different. The story has been adapted to, perhaps, be more suitable for the screen. Unfortunately this results in a film that consists of everything you’ve seen before: the school divided into cliques, the major bitch (Bella Thorne) who thinks she’s all that, and of course, the makeover. Despite its clichés, The DUFF is a very entertaining film: it brings something new to the table of tropes, adding a bit of freshness to the plot by exploring today’s reliance on the importance of social media, as well as letting Bianca decide for herself. Although she is somewhat pressured by peers, Bianca undertakes action on her own. The cast for The DUFF is great: besides the teens, the adults are portrayed by actors such as Allison Janney (Bianca’s mum) and Ken Jeong (Bianca’s teacher) and help to bring humour and fun to the film. If you are looking for a new chickflick that could be described as Mean Girls meets Plain Jane (the TV show) and will have you giggling, this is the one for you.
sao Takahata is back with The Tale of Princess Kaguya, his first film in fourteen years and Studio Ghibli’s first release since co-founder Hayao Miyazaki’s retirement. Adapted from a Japanese folk tale, Princess Kaguya tells the story of a little girl found inside a bamboo tree who grows up happy in the mountains before being taken to the city to become a princess, where she’s renowned for her beauty and sends potential suitors on impossible quests rather than marry them. As a female character, Princess Kaguya (or Lil Bamboo) is almost flawless; Takahata captures her carefree spirit turned frustrated depression with subtlety and charm, and she fits perfectly with the other fantastic Ghibli girls that have gone before her. The time the princess spends inside her mansion unhappy and alone admittedly makes Kaguya feel a little slow, lacking the fantasy of many of Studio Ghibli’s previous films, but there’s a plot twist that, unless you’re familiar with tenth century Japanese folklore, seems to come from nowhere bringing with it some of the best scenes of the film. But, rather than character development or plot twists, the most striking feature of the film by far, has to be the animation. A far cry away from Studio Ghibli’s usual anime style, ‘Princess Kaguya’ is a feast for the eyes, flitting between sumptuous water colour landscapes filled with pink cherry blossoms and lush greens, to barely-there charcoal sketches that blur before your eyes and fade out at the edges. At times you feel like you’re sat with the artists at the drawing board, but scenes featuring storm dragons and trees of jewels make it clear to see why the film took eight years and five billion yen to make. At 79, it’s likely that The Tale of Princess Kaguya is Takahata’s swansong, and could be one of the last films Studio Ghibli ever make due to their indefinite hiatus. If it is, what a swansong it will be; a beautifully melancholic ode to life and its fleeting glories.
More like this: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) Christa Tjadens
More like this: Love (2012)
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n an age where more and more Brothers Grimm fairy tales are being picked apart, a la Into the Woods and Maleficent, in steps Director Kenneth Branagh with his anti-revisionist and traditional perspective of the live-action Disney remake Cinderella. It appears that, not wanting to mess with a good thing like the familiar whimsical tale from Disney’s 1950 animation, Branagh played it safe with a minimal infusion of modernity. Downton Abbey’s Lily James puts in an endearing performance as the epitome of kind-heartedness alongside her dashing Prince, Richard Madden - and Helena Bonham Carter as the Fairy Godmother-come-narrator to add some quips and much needed moments of eccentricity and humour. Sophie McShera and Holliday Grainger are the ugly-on-the-inside stepsisters Drisella and Anastasia, whose eclectic fashion choices match their dubious ladylike manners. Of course where would any good fairy tale be without its villain? Cate Blanchett manages to add an element of sophisticated wickedness that you somehow can’t help but admire. What makes this film is the sheer transcendent beauty of the scenes and costumes. Costume designer Sandy Powell manages to glibly smooth over any narrative dullness by dazzling audiences with her artful creations. The leading lady’s dress is elegantly beautiful with its flourishing tones of blue and sparkles of crystal, transforming Cinders from coal-dusted servant girl to would-be royal with just a flick of Bonham Carter’s wand. Not to be forgotten is production designer Dante Ferretti, the cinematic crane shots emphasising the dazzling sets which take viewers back to a by-gone era of ballrooms and magic. Ultimately, viewers expect a happily ever after and, Branagh, ever the gentleman, provides in a package of magic, love and loveliness that looks like it could have stepped right off a confectionary tin. More like this: Tangled (2010) Rebecca Dooley
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hen we all have kids of our own, we shall no doubt sit them down and show them the films of our childhoods. They’ll laugh at the fart jokes, the slapstick action scenes, the annoying characters that you can’t admit you hate. And there you are, sitting on the sofa and unintentionally guffawing and tipping over your popcorn at some little background detail. Your kids look at you for the spillage over their heads. They just don’t get it. I’m referring of course to the cheeky nods and adult humour that filmmakers throw into the mix for their own satisfaction and the satisfaction of many a patient parent. Whether it’s a bit of ghostly fellatio in Ghostbusters or a simple ‘blink-andyou’ll-miss-it’ blossom spelling of ‘SEX’ in The Lion King, family films are, more often than not, family filth.
More like this: The Expendables (2010) David Leighton
I
Grace Brown
Let’s start with something largely unexpected though. An out-of-the-blue belated sequel, The Spongebob Squarepants Movie: Sponge Out of Water, still retains the hyperactive energy of the Nickelodeon TV show, but it’s also a devilish stoner movie in disguise. The closest children will get to doing drugs, the eye-popping (possibly even pillpopping at times) 3D experience is a bizarre amalgamation of Stanley Kubrick references and recurring referrals to Mad Max-style gimp-suits. More of a trip than any U-rated film should ever have the right to be, the hero who lives in a pineapple under the sea is a very adult, very psychedelic gateway drug to the stranger edges of cinema.
Most adult humour isn’t as mind-expanding in kids’ films, so plenty of effort goes into masking dirty little Easter eggs in Disney’s expansive body of work. Pixar films are so audaciously fiendish at times that it’s difficult to spot the smut, but Buzz Lightyear becoming present and correct upon seeing cowgirl Jessie for the first time is a howler. All flashing lights and spread wings, it’s an erection double entendre that will undoubtedly ruin any innocence you once saw in the spaceman and the rodeo gal’s ‘will-they-won’t-they?’ relationship. Monsters Inc. takes a more scatological look at adult humour, with not only some yellow snow cones being passed around, but the sight of the chief villain drinking what appears to be a cup full of faeces. Mmmm. Putrid and delicious.
But there’s nothing less subtle than the name of Shrek’s main villain. Imagine sneezing while you’re trying to say ‘Lord Farquaad’. Yes, that’s right; the pint-sized slimeball is a bit of a fuckwad. Just wait until your kids try to say that one. In short, don’t let your kids watch kids’ movies if you want them to retain their innocence. Either that or don’t watch kids’ movies yourself, because good luck keeping secret why you’re really sniggering away at Buzz’s wings expanding when he sees the love of his life. Simon Ramshaw
24.music
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Music Editors: Jamie Shepherd, Dominique Daly and Chris Addison
Interview: Wolf Alice
Connor McDonnell chatted to Wolf Alice’s Joel and Ellie ahead of their Newcastle show
Its 4/20: a day for all things a little bit hazy. Connor McDonnell’s here to the rescue compiling your ultimate playlist to listen to with Mary Jane Bob Dylan - ‘Rainy Day Woman #12 & 35’ Marijuana is a drug that has always been on the peripheries of legalisation. A narcotic that numbs the pains of reality becomes the perfect figure of counter-culture. Dylan is an advocate for a changing America, of a youthful uprise, and a fighter for civil rights in the States, so it isn’t surprising that he is a stoner. As an acknowledgment to this, I pronounce Dylan’s ode to cannabis ‘Rainy Day Woman #12 & 35’ an important song, with Dylan declaring that “everybody must get stoned”. It should also be noted that it was Dylan that introduced The Beatles to cannabis. Arguably, without Dylan, the Fab Four wouldn’t have turned into the mop-topped, day trippers they were, spouting the psychedelic spawn of McCartney and Lennon’s bent, intoxicated minds.
Bob Marley & The Wailers and Damien Marley - ‘Standup Jamrock (remix)’
The name Marley is always associated with cannabis and Rastafari culture, as well as reggae music. ‘Ganja’ is the herb that gives them spiritual sanctity, seeing smoking as a spiritual medicine. In 2005, Ashley Beedle mashed-up the famous ‘Get Up, Stand Up’ with Damien Marley’s ‘Welcome to Jamrock.’ Damien’s ‘Jamrock’ tells of the corruption of Jamaica, political discord, poverty and dying youths, a similar message to Bob’s ‘Get Up…’ Reggae music is driven by effacing oppression, and in a way similar to Dylan’s preaching. Cannabis in Reggae music signifies the liberty of the tangible, of the oppression that the Marleys sing about, and a gateway to a spiritual freedom.
6DI¿ %URWKHUV ‘Together in Silence’ Taken from the 1997 album Mystic Cigarettes (exactly), which is described as ‘a semi-chill album for getting stoned to.’ The mid-90s rave scene was reaching its expiry date, and the ecstasy (literally and abstractly) of was wearing off. In response was slower BPMs and the popularisation of ‘trance’. Listeners would opt for psychedelics and cannabis, rather than intense stimulants like MDMA to listen to these songs. Here is an example of a what-comes-up-must-come-down relationship in the EDM community and the constant shifts in the preference, in certain realms of music.
Foals - ‘The Chronic’ This is a B-side to the 7” release of ‘Cassius’, and an ode to Dr Dre’s 1992 album. It is interesting to see how such disparate musical genres can meet (Foals’ early math-rock sound with early 90s Dre) and is an example of musicians who regard the autonomy of artistic license and disregard the limitations of genre labelling. Like the examples used for Dylan and the Marleys, weed is used as a tool of expansion, yet simultaneously something that dismantles partitions. On ‘The Chronic’, Yannis drawls undecipherable lyrics along the lines ‘I spark up all day’ or maybe he says ‘I smoke bud all day’, while a palm-muted guitar plucks away chirping notes. To see a breakthrough pop-indie band candidly release a song about cannabis consumption is pretty taboo. Minimal, but magnificent.
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So, I was going to bring in a bottle of absinthe so that whoever could impress me with the most interesting fact got a reward in the form of a shot. I didn’t think this wise, because if I was searched on the doors I would’ve been in trouble, and plus I don’t want you going on stage too pissed. Joel: Well my fact is that I can’t drink Absinthe, it’s as well you didn’t bring it. That’s it, I’m a bad drunk. You were here for BBC 6 Music Festival and you did a set at The Boiler Shop. What do you think of Newcastle? Ellie: We have been here a few times actually, this might be our fourth time or something…? J: Yeah, we’ve done Swim Deep, we did a thing called Think Tank when it was in like a warehouse. At Digital? J: I dunno, it might’ve changed now. [he was referring to Hoults Yard.] E: This is our fifth time actually. We like it here. We like a terrible club called Sinners. J: I think I’m going there tonight. I don’t think anyone else will be, but I am. We wanna take Crows to
Angela Carter, who wrote the short story Wolf Alice. J: This will be the first book I’ve ever read. And I’m not joking. You recently released the video for ‘Giant Peach’, starring Tony Gardner (from My Parents Are Aliens). J: What a legend. You know what the best thing about him is? His music taste is so on point. We were having a conversation with him in between shots saying he likes Drenge and Fat White Family. He should be an A&R. We were very thankful for him and for Ewen [MacIntosh]. He’s Keith from The Office. He’s the cameraman from the video, right?
J: Yeah, that’s right. I wanna make sure he gets a shout out. He’s a sweetheart. Relating to the video, have you ever had any reallife with obnoxious managers, or anybody interfering with the band? E: We are very lucky, actually. Our team has always been very nice, really accommodating to our dreams, and abilities. J: We are the obnoxious ones. E: Yeah, we are the nasties. J: We genuinely bottle the nice people involved in our career. E: I’m sure it happens to someone, somewhere. Read the full interview on our website: thecourieronline.co.uk
“We like a terrible club called Sinners. I think I’m going there tonight”
Sinners. Crows are our support band. Have you been to the one next door, called Sam Jacks? It’s equally as shit but has a bucking bronco on the right as you walk in and a bar you just sort of hang from, but it’s a bit dodgy. J: I’m sold. I’ll see you there. We will get Joff on that, he is a bit of a strong lad. I actually have a present for you guys. J: Is it love? E: Is it cool? It’s to do with the title of your album. I found it in a charity shop, a short story anthology entitled Love is Strange. It contains a short story by
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verybody says they remember where they were when Kennedy got shot. I’ll always remember where I was when Madonna fell off that pedestal. Like millions of gay men and obsessive fans across the world, my heart dropped and I very nearly shit myself when that pesky cape didn’t unclip. I thought I was seeing something; some hideous mirage with extremely good lighting and copious amounts of dry ice. This was no vision. I knew that from this point on it was the beginning of the final days of the current queen of all pop music’s reign as monarch and that we were about to witness the decline of Madonna. I didn’t realise how bad it was going to be. Flash forward two months to Coachella festival and we’ve got Madonna gallivanting on the main stage dressed like Jennifer Saunders in Ab Fab. In classic Madonna style, she’s gradually getting more nude. Finally, she’s belting out ‘Hung Up’ whilst wearing a pair of kinky boots and a hideous ill-fitting vest top with the slogan ‘Big as Madonna’. My insides were churning for a second time this year. This was painful. This was almost as bad as Britney at the VMAs (sorry Chris Crocker). Next thing I know we’ve got Drake sat on a chair looking like an awkward shite, as per usual. It looks like he’s not supposed to be there. Madonna strides over to him like one of the Grand Old Duke of York’s scantily clad men. “Just let him have his sit down, Madge. He looks a bit tired.” I remember screaming at my laptop. She starts groping his face. She lifts it up. “She’s not go-
ing to kiss him, is she? Is she!?” She starts brutally eating his face and rubbing her hand down his body. At one point I think she’s going to go for his dick, but I’m more shocked by Drake’s reaction. When she finally unfurls herself from his face the shock of seeing him wipe his mouth is too much to process. You’d think after 56 years on planet Earth she’d at least be able to give a decent neck on.
“You’d think after 56 years on planet Earth she’d at least be able to give a decent neck on” When Madonna kissed Britney and Christina all those years ago excitement stirred (along with the odd few penises I imagine) across the globe. When Madonna kissed Drake, families in the Siberian tundra all communally gouged their eyes out. Like looking after a beloved family pet with arthritis, it was awful to watch. My generation has grown up with Madonna being pretty much on-point at all times so to see her performance compromised in two pretty close occasions made me fear for the future. Drizzygate was bad, but bad things always happen in threes. If I’ve learned something from Hollywood cinema it’s that the third instalment of any trilogy is always the most epic. In my head I’ve got a wide range of scenarios going through my head of what Madonna could do next and each one is more terrifying than the last. Like the mythical beast Ctulhu, it is time that Madonna Ciccone is banished to a deep dark realm not for the safety of humanity, but for the safety of Madonna. I for one want to remember Madonna as the icon that gave us ‘Like a Prayer’, ‘Vogue’, and Ray of Light, the greatest forgotten album of the 90s. After all, didn’t someone say it was better to burn out than play tonsil tennis with Drake?
The Courier
music.25
Monday 20 April 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_music courier_music
Undertow
Electronic Blanket
Drenge
S
Max Palmer-Geaves talks Earl Sweatshirt, the perfect road-trip playlist, and World Headquarters Electronic goings on: Earl Sweatshirt needs to go outside
wirling, eddying feedback introduces Undertow, before a fierce riff and pounding drums herald the start of ‘Running Wild’, a song familiar to long-term fans of the band due to its status as a setlist favourite. As Eoin Loveless drawls, “As you were…like a child”, with utter contempt, it becomes clear that Drenge are back and laying down a marker to their peers, with the front end of the album a vicious statement of intent. It was already evident from the duo’s Letterman performance of lead single ‘We Can Do What We Want’ that they had not abandoned their punkish roots, but fans of Drenge’s debut have no reason to fear with their second effort, with the offering perpetuated by much of the same fury and frustration as their first. A strong up-tempo start to the album is built upon by the previously premiered ‘Never Awake’ which encapsulates the mood of the album when Eoin Loveless sings, “If you’ve got nothing to prove, it’s like you’ll never escape”. The record addresses themes familiar to grunge fans, with frustration, anger and escapism all prevalent, but the duo place a peculiarly English twist on well-trodden subjects, all of which the group’s young adult fanbase are likely to relate to. Towards the end of the album, ‘The Woods’ sticks out as a Cribs-esque highlight, as does ‘Standing In The Cold’, a 5 and a half minute epic which builds with rage towards a fearsome climax. Powerful imagery is ever-present in Loveless’ lyrics, with his cry to ‘burn my body by the bank of the Derwent’ in the aforementioned ‘The Woods’, just one line that lingers in the memory, in no small part due to
the powerful melody employed. Critics have made comparisons with Royal Blood, but this seems a little unfair, as Drenge are arguably far more punky, and dare I say it, more of an interesting and less predictable listen. With some tracks fleshed out by the addition of bassist Ross Orton, who has previously worked with Arctic Monkeys and Jarvis Cocker, Drenge look to be adding more depth to their sound. This is a solid second album, with a more polished approach taken, perhaps in part due to Orton taking over production duties. If there were to be one criticism, it would have
Fast Food Nadine Shah
Ivy Tripp Waxahatchee
Future Hearts All Time Low
Katie Crutchfield follows up her astounding 2013 LP Cerulean Salt with her third album Ivy Tripp. Again, she enrols two members of her twin sister’s band Swearin’, Kyle Gilbride and Keith Spencer, to contribute. With this in mind, I was hoping for a similar, dizzy sound comparable to that of Waxahatchee’s second. The album opens with ‘Breathless’. The static introduction is befuddled with a deep droning organ, sounding like a plunge into water. The suffocating song ends with the harrowing romantic predicament “You indulge me, I indulge you, but I’m not trying to have it all”, followed up by some falsetto “Ooh”s and the static that underlies ‘Breathless’. This self-awareness of egotism carries through on to ‘La Loose’. Crutchfield sings “I selfishly want you here to stick to”, which the low-res 808 holds into place. The emotional resonance of Waxahatchee’s lyrics are sometimes more subtle than glaringly obvious. On ‘<’ the guitar plays a gently distorted but steady chord progression. Behind the dreamy instrumentals hides a vicious put down: “I am nothing, you’re less than me”. The introversion of Ivy Tripp’s lyrics has a haunting romanticism. On ‘Grey Hair’, she sings “Devoid death, bleeding heads, but lusting for hollowness releases a cold sweat, I get short of breath because I can’t slow down”. There is a pining for a conscious misery, longed for by Crutchfield, like an emotional masochist. Garage-rock has not been completely forsaken on the album, but there is a change of direction for Waxahatchee. Ivy Tripp sounds much more produced than Cerulean Salt. Crutchfield hasn’t taken the fun out of fuzz, but hidden the beautifully rugged underneath layers of pianos, percussion and clean-cut acoustic guitars. It is a mature shift in Katie Crutchfield’s solo songwriting career, which boasts a certain confidence. Connor McDonnell
Six records in and Baltimore pop-punk outfit All Time Low are still going strong. Formed in the emo heyday, the quartet and their ridiculous fringes captured the hearts of girls in ripped skinny jeans the world over. Their second record So Wrong, It’s Right made them the goofball darlings of the alternative scene, and their third offering Nothing Personal cemented their place as pop-punk legends. After losing their way a little on fourth record Dirty Work, the boys took their sound back to safer territory on their last full-length Don’t Panic. Now, it seems they’re ready to throw themselves wholeheartedly into experimentation all over again, and this time, it’s paid off. Future Hearts isn’t the most cohesive set of tracks the band have released, but it’s punchy, and ambitious, and likely to finally propel them into the mainstream. Writing with other bands (notably contributing to songs on the 5 Seconds of Summer record), lead vocalist and rhythm guitarist Alex Gaskarth has had a chance to stretch his song writing muscles on this record. ‘Don’t You Go’ is reminiscent of Good Charlotte at their best, singles ‘Something’s Gotta Give’ and ‘Kids in the Dark’ are unerringly catchy, and ‘Tidal Waves’ featuring Mark Hoppus from Blink-182 is an absolute gem of a song. Even when the band slow it down, they switch it up – ‘Missing You’ is one of the band’s best-written and touching songs; its oddly confessional and the kind of track that will elicit a deafening sing-a-long when played live. The lyricism is just as self-effacing as always; fans of the band’s previous work will fall in love all over again, but their new musical direction will have them winning over new fans too. With the record shooting up the charts in both the UK and the US, and the band selling out arenas on both sides of the Atlantic, it’s time to wonder if maybe they have their sights set on stadiums? Iqra Choudhry
T
he North-East’s very own Nadine Shah has just released a second album which is a lot more mature than its title may suggest. This is clear the opening title track ‘Fast Food’, on which the passionate warble in Shah’s voice makes it seem as though she could be a sibling of the angel of all singer-songwriters, Jeff Buckley. This theory is further strengthened by the discordant shredded guitar on ‘Stealing Cars’ which is reminiscent of Grace. However, when we hear Shah sing “Now I’ve nought left to see,” in her South Tyneside dialect, any rumours that the two singers are related by blood can be dispelled. The Geordie accent, which Shah doesn’t attempt to shy away from, gives her song-writing a quality of heightened honesty, drawing listeners in. Shah also accomplishes this on Fast Food is by sticking to simplicity when it works, feelingly repeating the words “And there was nothing else to do but fall in love,” with great conviction for 5 minutes on ‘Nothing Else To Do’. Shah has successfully avoided the curse of the second album, and instead provides us with something both sophisticated and versatile. More angsty numbers like ‘Washed Up’ are contrasted by the softer acoustic tones of ‘Divided’, which sees Shah lament “My mother would be so ashamed of me if I didn’t act in a classy kind of way”, yet another testament of her honesty. It isn’t hard to see why Shah has been compared to the mighty likes of PJ Harvey. Whilst this seems like a likely judgement, Shah doesn’t seem to think that this hinders her own individuality, explaining that she only addresses her favourite artist by singing “Damn Nick Cave” on single ‘Fool’ to point out (assumingly her own) predictable nature. Both I, and 6 Music predict that this eclectic musician will go far in the future, as she continuously achieves greater airplay on the digital radio station. Sophie Ahmed
“The record addresses themes familiar to grunge fans, with frustration, anger and escapism all prevalent”
been nice to have seen a bit more experimentation in places. For the most part, however, the marriage of pop melodies, evocative, image-filled lyrics and heavy riffs make for a very pleasurable listen, and nowhere is better demonstrated than on this lead single ‘We Can Do What We Want’ with its seemingly light, airy intro brought crashing back down to earth by thundering drums and a vocal virtually spat out into the mic, whilst managing to retain a melodic and catchy hook. Laced with menace, Undertow is a remarkable second effort, and further development is eagerly awaited. Adam Pizey
More than this Nirvana - Nevermind An obvious choice, but if you feel that you’re less than educated on all things grunge than this is the perfect starting point. Big singles like ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ and ‘Come As You Are’ are fine, but classics such as ‘Territorial Pissings’ and ‘Lounge Acts’ are just as noteworthy. Let’s face it, anyone who outright claims to dislike Nirvana is almost certainly a liar. The Wytches - Annabel Dream Reader Contemporaries of Drenge that share certain similarities, The Wytches’ Annabel Dream Reader was one of the overlooked gems of last year. The surf rock inspired strains of ‘Gravedweller’ and ‘Burn Out The Bruises’ are all enhanced by lead singer Kristian Bell’s screeching vocals that have the ability to both terrify and tie into every ounce of submerged angst.
If you haven’t heard Earl Sweatshirt’s new album then you won’t get the fairly un-hilarious title of this section, if you have then you might realize what I’m getting at. I’m not saying it’s bad because it’s not, I genuinely think it’s sonically a good record and he sounds phenomenal - but its whole tone just makes you want to hand him a Happy Meal and a bicycle in an attempt to make him go outside and be cheerful about eating processed crap in the sun with the rest of us. Take the title track, ‘Grief ’, for example, as bleak as its name suggests. Sweatshirt quips about scrambling for Xanax and only seeing snakes in the eyes of those around him, finally coming to the conclusion that he’s fucking himself up and he could really care less. It makes for interesting listening. The album only clocks up a total of thirty minutes, which is probably for the best as anything more would be enough to make you want to shut the curtains and live alone in a smoke-filled room. Listen to: Earl Sweatshirt – ‘Grief ’
Preview: Floating Points/Romare at World Headquarters 23rd April
I am genuinely very excited for this; it was one of the main things that pulled me through dissertation stress. In my opinion, Floating Points is one of the best DJs going. If you don’t know what he’s about, go and check him out. The man travels the world, crate-digging in the most bizarre locations. Hopefully there will be a bit of Brazilian funk, maybe some Cuban soul, a smattering of Peruvian jazz, all presented alongside his own releases, which boast grooves that can almost be described as medicinal. If that wasn’t enough, downstairs Romare is playing live. I wrote about him a while back in the ‘You Need To Hear This’ section and he’s just dropped his first album on Ninja Tune. It’s one of the most intelligent modern dance records released in years. Sampling old African American music and re-imagining it in a club setting, it sounds crass but the results are fantastic. I’m bloody excited and you should be too, and Worldies is the perfect setting for such an evening. Listen to: Floating Points - ‘ARP3’
You Need To Hear This: Silk Rhodes
The Baltimore duo who recently released their debut effort on classic independent Californian label Stones Throw have been turning heads with their dreamy early-70s influenced soul musings. The pair’s strength lies in their ability to take the best of soul and R&B, strip it down to its bare bones, and present beautiful slow jams next to raw, simple grooves. One of the album’s highlights is ‘Face 2 Face’, a glitchy, glittery, disco-fueled romp. The only way to describe the track is as if someone left a Whispers seven inch out in the sun until it sounded warped and faded and then accidentally scratched it so the groove repeated perfectly. For me, they are the perfect road trip soundtrack; the record is full of highs and lows and some of the highs seem pretty acid-fueled, the record cover of a child doing an LSD tab suggests their fairly psychedelic leanings. It’s a fantastic first album effort and is a real grower. Trust me, you’ll be clapping along in the sun in no time. Listen to: Silk Rhodes - ‘Face 2 Face’
Max produces under the name of Hues. You can check him out on Facebook or at soundcloud.com/hues
26.musicfeatures
Big Chat: Made in Chelsea’s Andy Jordan
When the singer, businessman, and straight-up west London hunk popped into the Union the other day for a gig, Editor Tom Nicholson put him through the Big Chat wringer. We join the action just as Andy is dribbling something viscous into a cup of warm water What you dribbling in your cup of warm water, Andy? It’s manuka honey. Which is like special honey from New Zealand. Basically it works like a miracle. When you’re singing every day you just get super, super tired. I mean, imagine a rugby player playing a match every day – his body would break. So if you’re doing a show every day it just starts to, like… [Andy makes a very convincing retching, choking sound] and unfortunately I’d lost my voice before we’d even set off. What’s so special about this honey? Special bees? I don’t know. There’s different grades of manuka, this is 12 – I think it’s like sun cream – it goes up to, like, 45 but you can’t really buy that. It’s basically just a natural vitamin. But I got recommended it and it just works to a T. If you know any singers, they’ll probably already know about manuka honey. And it costs a fortune. Like, £35 for a tub of honey. In M&S you can get for about £15 I think. I’m stuck with Whole Foods in London. Right so this feature is called Big Chat. It’s the home of big questions, the questions everyone is asking. Deeply political, I assume. Certainly. So, to begin: what colour is happiness? I think of it as being sort of like a light blue, or a yellow. Think of sunshine and clear blue skies. It’s very far away from a dark grey, which is unhappiness. That was an easy Big Question. Well I thought I’d ease you in. I wasn’t going to start with a MASSIVE QUESTION; that was just a Big Question. What’s the biggest animal you’ve ever been attacked by? I actually got chased by an elephant in Tsavo East
[National Park] in Kenya. It was me, my dad and two of my brothers and we were going to this bit in the river where there’s a waterfall, and it’s a great viewing platform to look at crocodiles and stuff. We drove onto it in the Land Rover, and it’s quite well known that there’s a very protective elephant in that area, and the elephant saw us and just decided to get us. So it was literally, like, foot to the floor. Do you know how fast they can go? They can go up to 40 kilometres an hour [that’s 24.855 mph, imperial measurement fans], which is scary. And once they get a head of steam up there’s very little stopping them. Fortunately we had enough fuel in the tank to get away. I don’t know what it was so protective of; there might be a special bond between elephants and crocs that we’ve never foreseen. Maybe it was a scientific discovery. I might claim that. Did you ever pass your cycling proficiency test as a boy? Nah, I failed it. How on earth did you manage to fail it? I don’t know! To this day I’m convinced I was cheated, because I fancy myself on a bike. I’ve always been good on Boris bikes in London. Should you really be on Boris bikes then? Is there a rule about that? It’s just a rule of thumb generally. I think it was my hand signalling that let me down. That’s elementary stuff, really. I passed my driving test anyway, which is more important. Have you ever used a grit bin? Yeah. At my prep school, if you were naughty you had to grit the playground in the morning. [This
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
“I spent a lot of time with ducks last year. We bonded, so I stopped shooting them. I love ducks.”
The Courier
Monday 20 April 2015
featuresmusic.27 is the most Made in Chelsea thing I’ve ever heard.] What had you done to get put on grit bin duty? I can’t remember. I think I’d not done my prep, that was the issue. But that’s the whole point of bloody prep school. I know! It’s preparatory for the next day, that’s how they sell it to us. At least you were looking out for other kids. Yeah, that’s what I was thinking at the time. ‘I’m not gonna do my prep, so I can look after the other kids. We don’t want people slipping over, do we?’ That’d be dreadful. It was a very good school, so everyone did their prep apart from me. Well someone’s got to fall on their sword so that nobody else dies from falling over. Exactly. So, technically, I was being a hero. Andy Jordan, which is your favourite Jordan of these three: the model; the basketballer Michael; or the river? I don’t know much about the river, but of the three that would probably be my favourite… Michael Jordan I’m a big fan of actually, so I’m going to call it Michael. And the other one… let’s not talk about. A little too much going on there. What’s the music scene like around Chelsea and where you live in London? It’s good. Not that band-y, not that many places to jam, but there’s a lot of cool, little things going on, a lot of secret pop-up bluesy stuff happening that noone really knows about. There’s some great singing spots with live singers. There’s not that many big shows – it’s a night club scene, and expensive nightclub scene, so you do get the occasional Tinie Tempah set when you just think you’re going down your local for a cocktail, which is cool. But for me it’s not the dream location, not for music. Where would you recommend people check out? Camden almost always has something cool going on music-wise, that’d be my first port of call, and around King’s Cross is pretty cool. Then Soho – my favourite bar is called Ain’t Nothin But a Blues Bar. They have live blues music every night, there’s jam sessions, there’s everything, it’s wicked. I go there to watch and be inspired. Have you ever got up and contributed? I haven’t, I’ve never been on a jam night, I’ve always been to see specifics. I don’t have the balls yet. One day I will. I’m not really a guitarist – I play guitar merely as a songwriting aid – I’m more of a singer. But I would get up and sing. I actually freestyle sing all the time with my band, like when we’re soundchecking, just make it up as we go along. We’re diverting somewhat from the Big Chat formula here, but what can people generally expect from an Andy Jordan gig? You can expect to move. It’s quite lively, I like to sort of start of with a lot of energy. It’s very reggaeand ska-influenced as well, so it’s kind of a boppy vibe, which is very much my personality. I love to just jump up and down on the spot. You’re a bopper. I’m a bopper. My ex-girlfriend used to call me Tigger actually because I always had a lot of energy in nightclubs. Much to my detriment. But yeah, it’s lively, get people going, bring them down a bit, sing some sad songs, and then bring them back up again. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. It is, for me. It’s like therapy. I feel like when I go onstage it’s like going to see a therapist – an hour and a half of just letting shit out [unfortunate phrase but we get what you mean]. And cheaper. Well for me it is. Actually it’s quite profitable. Can you do a Busted jump? There is a Busted jump. There might even be two. Dancing-wise, I do a Busted jump – I’m a big fan of Charlie [Simpson] from Busted, his latest album, A Long Road Home, is great – and then I also do some… who’s that guy? It’s not Run DMC. Wears the crazy pants. Is it Run DMC? That’s MC Hammer. MC Hammer! There’s a bit of MC Hammer, and a bit of Michael Jackson as well. There’s quite a lot of movement actually. You’re setting the bar high – these are three of the most notable pop dancers of the last thirty years. Yep. And then there’s Andy Jordan! At the head of that proud lineage. Yeah, just a fusion of all of it together. [He cackles.] Honestly, come watch and see if I compare to MC Hammer. Tell me about the best pair of shoes you’ve ever owned. Do you know what, I’m in love with these [he waves at the scuffed-up brown boots he’s wearing].
They are lovely. They’re a Chelsea boot from Penelope Chilvers. They’re just pretty all-weather – I can rough them up, I can wear them in a pub, get beer spilt on them, it doesn’t matter. It adds to the character. Yeah, I think it’s pretty me. Rough and ready, from Chelsea. [He cackles again.] My shoes are a metaphor for me. Well-made. Great stitching. Great pedigree. How do you feel about ducks? They’re delicious. One of my favourite animals to eat. They’re cute. I spent a lot of time with ducks actually last year. I stand-up paddle-boarded the length of the Thames, and my only company was the ducks. We bonded, so I stopped shooting them. What brought about the paddle-boarding? Basically I was determined to do something to challenge myself a lot, because I do think that everybody goes through a phase in their life where they’re like, ‘Right I have to do something mega, just to prove to myself that I can do anything’. I was going through a real phase in my life where I was like, ‘…can I do anything?’. So I was like, screw it I’ll do this. I didn’t really train, but it’s 216 miles long, the Thames. I can’t run, I’ve always been terrible at running – I did a half marathon in Leeds and I thought I was going to die, I think I claimed that my legs were broken. They weren’t. But I’m pretty good at surfing, pretty good on the water, so I thought I’d paddle-board the Thames. I did it in five days, eight hours a day. That’s some good speed. It was really fast, forty miles a day – more than a marathon a day, with your arms. I was really proud about it, and actually it really set me off with my career and stuff like that because before that I’d been going through a phase where I’d been on TV for six to eight months, people were giving me free food and free nights out and I was just getting drunk and partying and I just hit the switch and you’re like, this is all going to end very fast if I don’t take life seriously and start working. The people who have the longest careers are the people that work the hardest. And you can see it a mile off, like for me with the people that I work with – there are workers and then there are riders. The workers are definitely, in my peer group, separating themselves from the others. The difference is now huge, a year on. It just flicked a switch, and ever since I’ve not stopped working. What was the question again? It was about ducks. I love ducks, they changed my life. You’ve finally got over this antagonistic relationship with ducks, found a kinship on the river, and used that spiritual energy to propel yourself forwards. I’m glad you’ve turned it round with ducks. You see? This is why it’s called Big Chat. It is HUGE chat. Have you seen that video of a chick being put in a blender? I’ve not, but I imagine it’s awful. Oh God. I’m alright with killing and eating an animal, but stuff like that really upsets me. It’s a weird thing – in my head, if you have it within you to kill an animal then you’re allowed to eat it. It’s the food chain. But stuff like that is horrible. It’s not a fair fight when you get kitchen appliances involved. And apart from that, the chick’s probably a lot less appetising as slurry. [Violent retching noises] That was gross. Sorry. Would you rather have a finger for a tongue or ten tongues for fingers? Probably ten tongues for fingers. Good. Agreed. Why? First of all I reckon I could dance better, which means I’d be above MC Hammer. Mm-hmm. Because they move everywhere. Second of all, I could eat, like ten times as much. [This is logically flawed as the tongues wouldn’t be connected to the rest of Andy’s digestive system but it didn’t occur to us to tell Andy Jordan this at the time so there we are.] You could taste ten times as much. What, could you not swallow because they’re not mouths? But you could dip your foot in a pint and think, ‘Ooh, that tastes nice’. Or test whether something’s too hot. When I asked Joe McElderry he said he wanted the finger for a tongue. I pointed out he wouldn’t be able to taste anything ever again. Taste is so important. If I didn’t like what I was eating, I wouldn’t eat it. That’s a good rule to live your life by. A friend of mine’s dad doesn’t have taste. It’s bizarre. He had a car crash, hit his head really badly and he was out for a while but he’s come back with no taste. I suppose in the grand scheme of things losing
The Courier
musicfeature.29
Monday 20 April 2015
your taste is better than dying. He’s hysterical because he goes out to dinner all the time. And we’re like, ‘Why are you wasting money on Michelin-starred food when you can’t even taste it?’ But taste is important. I’d rather taste more than less. I suppose you could get special gloves made so you could control how much you tasted. I mean, you wouldn’t want to be tasting sofas, for example. Yeah, and you don’t want to be dribbling along eve-
omelette? I HATE THAT. Really, really pisses me off. Don’t bother. It’s the same thing as going to a restaurant and just ordering a side salad. Awful. Just go and enjoy it. A guy at school said to me once, ‘If you’re gonna hit, hit hard’ [Rocky Balboa says something to this effect in the popular punching-based film Rocky Balboa]. I think he was my rugby coach. I ended up never hitting hard in rugby – more volunteering myself to be substituted. However, I do like to bring it into my life so if I’m going to go to
“The people who have the longest careers are the people that work the hardest. With the people that I work with, there are workers and then there are riders. The workers are definitely, separating themselves from the others” ry floor you walk across. And getting socks stuck on your tongue would be awful. Do you have any notable ancestors? Ummm… no. None whatsoever? I have some incredibly interesting ancestors. My family were one of the first early colonial families into Africa, so four generations in Africa – maybe five, actually – and then my generation was the first born in the UK. So, we’ve got amazing stories but no cool generals or anything that I’m aware of. Maybe that means that you’re the most notable of the Jordans thus far. Surely not… possibly. I think my uncle might be more notable. Does he have a Wikipedia page though? YES. Heavens. He comes up probably more on Google than I do. He’s a big deal. Which Jordan was this? He’s not a Jordan. Aha! I’ll not tell you who he is. He has the same initials as the ones on my ring. JR? It’s not JR Ewing from Dallas is it? Just the R. That’s not a lot to go on. I know. God I’m annoying, aren’t I? [YES ANDY.] How do you feel about people who go to Chinese or Indian restaurants and just have chips or an
a restaurant then I want to eat what the restaurant serves, and as much of it as possible. What was the last thing you saw which was disappointingly small? My flat. I think other people think that when they come over. They expect something better than it is, because it’s very humble. Humble beginnings. How many hats should a person own? What’s the optimum number? I don’t know, like… ten? TEN HATS? [More uncertainly] Ten? It really depends. I probably own five, six? But I don’t really wear hats. I lose them all the time. But then I make caps as part of my business, so I can go WOOOP [mimes taking a hat inconspicuously from a box] and grab a hat from the office. If you were to put together a supergroup of Made in Chelsea cast members, who would you pick and who would play what? I’d have Louise Thompson on the drums, because she’s pretty hectic with her hands. Alik Alfus on guitar. Mark-Francis Vandelli as keyboard player. He could play some real hectic Mozart. Then I think I’d have Stevie Johnson as backing singer, obviously I’d put myself as singer. Naturally. Maybe Spencer can be another backing singer, just for the shits and giggles. Jamie [Laing] MC, or on
Andy Jordan’s MIC supergroup “I’d have Louise Thompson on drums...” “...Mark Francis Vandelli on keyboards...” “...Binky on the bass...” “...Stevie and Spencer on backing vocals...”
“...Alik Alfus on guitar...”
“...and Jamie Laing as an MC. Or on percussion. He could be our Bez.”
percussion. He could be your Bez. Yeah! And then… who would play the bass? [A long pause] Someone’s gotta play the bass. Binky on bass. I dunno why everyone thinks of bass as the bad instrument, it’s the most important instrument in the whole band. Well if you’re trying to strike up some lithe grooves you’re going to need a good bass player. Yeah, if you’re playing a bit of reggae it’s very important. [Andy starts faffing with his manuka again.] That is extraordinary honey. It’s so delicious. And every single mouthful is, like, one pound. What’s the most unnecessary piece of kitchen equipment you own? Definitely the NutriBullet. It’s good but I just don’t use it, so it’s totally unnecessary. Where I live there’s, like, four juice shops within a hundred yards. [Scratch what I said before, THIS is the most Made in Chelsea thing I’ve ever heard.] And I’ve worked out that it’s actually cheaper to just go and get a juice with a loyalty card than it is to buy the fruit and put it in the NutriBullet, and you don’t have any mess. There’s no washing up if you eat out. I hope my granny doesn’t read this, she gave it [the NutriBullet] to us. Have you ever been lost on a moor? Yeah, a few days ago, trying to find Zizzi’s in Norfolk. That wasn’t a moor though. Most of Norfolk is moors. And fens. It’s famously flat. The flattest county in Britain isn’t it? [No idea who to check this fact with – Guinness Book of Records? Ordnance Survey? The guild of spirit level makers?] Disorientatingly so. It’s also got the highest concentration of stately homes [in the country]. I got lost in the Brimham Rocks in Yorkshire, I don’t know if that’s a moor. [It’s the dictionary definition of ‘not a moor’.] We’ve definitely been lost in Exmoor. That was last summer. Exmoor? The barren moors? Terrifying. How did you turn it round? Set off a flare. Just sat and played guitar. Nah, I jumped on a sheep and rode it back. Ah grand. Cheers Andy.
The Courier
tvfeature.31
Monday 20 April 2015
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32.tvfeatures
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
TV Editors: Helen Daly and Ellie McLaren Online TV Editor: Rebecca Dooley
Britain’s Got Top Trumps
ploitation How to decide on our favourite Britain’s Got Talent act since the show’s
inception? Via the ever-reliable medium of cards with stats on, obviously
I
’ve got to get something off my chest here – I was one of those kids. Between the ages of 11 and 17, I did talent shows. Mostly musical theatre, but I also racked up trophies for solo singing, duets, song and dance, and that beloved mainstay of Blackpool contests, ‘variety’. I competed under a different last name because I didn’t think ‘Hickin’ was glamorous enough – as I say, I was one of those kids – and whilst my costumes shifted between playing green witches, French street urchins or Disney princesses, I always obeyed the rule of obligatory glittery eyeshadow. My parents weren’t pushy. In my years on the competition circuit I saw some parents who would eat the whiney doughnut receptacles on Dance Moms for breakfast. My mum and dad, who work for a telecoms company and a bank respectively, were happy to drive me to competitions and celebrate my victories, slightly bemused by the world of fake-tanned seven-year-olds and Machiavellian chaperones that I had, by default, made them a part of. But on the occasions when I wasn’t successful, this information was greeted with an “Oh, well,” and the more important question of what I wanted for dinner. None of the hysterical tears, the strains of a Westlife hit of yesteryear…
“There is almost a grotesque fascination with the pain and anguish of people who are brutally and publicly told they have no talent” This, I think, represents the main difference between the competitions I knew and loved as a teenager and the reality TV counterparts that peaked in popularity at around the same time. The competitions I took part in had a sense of fun and camaraderie. There was no time for wallowing; the focus was on the positive results. In TV talent shows, there is an almost grotesque fascination with the pain and anguish of people who are brutally and publicly told that they have no talent. That they are, if not terrible, average. In an individualist age which still clings to the illusion of a meritocracy, average is perhaps the worst thing a person can be called. You would rather be terrible (and perhaps endearingly funny) than not be special. But the harsh truth is that not everyone is. Or not in terms of discernible singing talent. Most of the contestants can hold a tune, but no better or worse than your standard punter at Cosy Joe’s. Throwing in a few badly executed riffs does not change this, but because the studio audience are prompted to cheer, these people think that they genuinely are the next Sam Smith. And who can blame them? They stand before the judges we love to hate and have to pass at least two rounds in front of the producers. The ‘first auditions’ we see on TV are in fact their third round. And we wonder why they seem shocked and upset when they are pitilessly dismissed. Many of the people I competed with did go on to do TV talent shows, with varying degrees of success. One Britain’s Got Talent winner and several finalists; an X Factor competitor-turned Hollyoaks actress and, most memorably, a friend whose audition for Over the Rainbow was cut short with a dry “we have enough blondes” from a producer. However, as is so often the way with reality TV, none of them have become household names, and most are no longer involved in ‘the industry’ at all. It is a rare contestant who manages to escape the long shadow of reality TV beginnings: most of the time, if we still remember them, it is because of a career that consists mainly of other TV competitions, rather than the ‘talent’ they originally sought recognition for. Lauren Hickin
Susan Boyle
8 Fun Factor 2 Shock Factor 9 Weird Factor 6 Smile Factor 7 Talent Factor
It’s unfortunately the time for the most narcissistic of the talent shows to limp its way back onto the box, and whether you love or loathe it, it has produced some of the most memorable moments on TV. I’d have to pick Susan Boyle as one of the best moments that the show has spawned, but perhaps not for the conventional reasons. The underdog story of the poor wee Scottish spinster who everyone underestimated was as cloying as Simon Cowell to, well, anything he thinks he could exploit to make money. Instead, it was the way that the audience reacted, from laughing cattily at her dowdy dress sense, to then be reduced to tears when she finished the final note of ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ from everyone’s favourite tearjerker Les Miserables. It just proved how fickle and brainwashed everyone is by the extraordinary advertising power of Cowell that they can only react to acts on BGT as either ridiculed losers, or amazing talents, with no acknowledgement that maybe you can have a loser with a good voice, or a failed 80s popstar with no marketable talent of his own, who makes people do his performing for him. Mentioning no names. Fiona Callow
Paddy & Nico
9 Fun Factor 7 Shock Factor 10 Weird Factor 2 Smile Factor 8 Talent Factor
I will never forget where I was when I first saw Paddy and Nico. Curled up on the sofa and wrapped up in my favourite blanket, that particular episode of Britain’s Got Talent was not particularly interesting. That is until the tiny 80 year old Paddy walked out on to a massive stage in a hot pink feather boa with her seemingly giant (and decidedly younger) partner, Nico, and claimed that they were going to dance. Like most, I wasn’t expecting a great deal and the slow start didn’t peak my interest immediately. However, I’m not ashamed to say that I ate my words. In perfect timing, right after Simon buzzed the pair off, they threw ultimate shade at Cowell and erupted into a fast and electric salsa routine. This was not any kind of routine; this was a routine in which we saw Paddy quite literally thrown around the stage. I spent half of the time she was on stage absolutely amazed at what this 80 year old woman was able to achieve and the other half seriously concerned for her safety. Paddy and Nico embody the spirit of Britain’s Got Talent, proving you’re never too old to succeed. Helen Daly
Signature
5 Fun Factor 7 Shock Factor 8 Weird Factor 9 Smile Factor 8 Talent Factor
Back in 2008 Britain’s Got Talent audiences thought they had dancer Suleman Mirza pegged as merely a Michael Jackson tribute act when he walked on stage with his white socks and signature hat, but how wrong they were. Braced for some possibly dodgy rendition of the moon walk with intermissions of warbled MJ lyrics, we watched. So, he starts doing his dance routine to a Bhangra song mixed with Billy Jean and riddled with the infamous MJ moves, which we are now admitting are surprisingly great, but then - hold up - some random guy (Madhu Singh) walks on stage with a sweeping brush. Commence something amazing. What viewers thought was just another contestant somehow thinking it was his turn, turns into a hilarious Bhangra/MJ dance off, as he whips off his coat and jumps in with the dancing. I still consider this one of the best Britain’s Got Talent auditions ever. Nobody was expecting it but everybody loved it. The public was enamoured enough with this dancing duo that they made it all the way to the finals, only to be unfortunately robbed of the title by street dancer George Sampson. Rebecca Dooley
Egg Lady
6 Fun Factor 7 Shock Factor 9 Weird Factor 3 Smile Factor 5 Talent Factor
Okay, so not technically a contestant on Britain’s Got Talent, but the infamous egg-lady of 2013 certainly stole the show when going undercover in a church choir to express her disdain at Cowell and co. You definitely have to admire the lady’s guts. She managed to successfully infiltrate Cowell’s global empire and slip under the fingers of producers and stage hands alike, alongside her trusty sidekick: the egg. With a carton of (hopefully freerange) eggs stuffed up her choir gown, egg-lady stopped the proceedings of the very live live show as she attacked the judging panel. The cameramen were in disarray and didn’t know where to turn, which meant that the poor act who were trying to win the contest were left in the background as egg-lady took centre-stage. Unfortunately, egg-lady’s talent cannot be given the prestigious golden buzzer, due to her frankly shite aim. A lot of planning and work must have gone into her attack on the sob-story-loving celeb panel, so why the hell didn’t she spend some time throwing eggs at a hairy-chested mannequin? Ellie McLaren
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TV Rewind*
T Thunderbirds Are Go
T
ITV, Saturday, 8am
hunderbirds Are Go! is being described as honouring the original show, being ‘true to the spirit and look of the original’, ‘action-packed’ and so on. Does this mean that the Thunderbirds are go? Short answer: No. I have been surprised at the flood of positive reception the revival has received, because I experienced nothing but disappointment. When I first heard they were reviving Thunderbirds, I was excited but apprehensive; then the trailer came out and oh boy, my inner-child exploded. I was buzzed. I couldn’t wait. Then I watched it and I died inside. What were their sins? Well firstly, the dialogue. I know it’s a children’s show, but I also remember Thunderbirds to have quiet eloquent speaking
characters who all acted like adults. The characters felt like adults. These characters feel like characters from a children’s show. The second but less serious sin was the CGI. The trailer made it appear more impressive than it was. All the characters looked wooden and plasticky. Now I realise how silly that must sound when one realises the originals were actual puppets. One might say that the woodenness was a homage to the puppets. I might agree – if not for the fact that I find the CGI characters to be more expressionless than the puppets. The original puppets, with their three moving parts, expressed a wider variety of nuanced emotions than the CGI characters did. Where the show fails irrefutably, for me, is the one thing that it failed to recreate that made Thunderbirds what it was. Tension. As a child, the episodes of Thunderbirds were tense, even though I knew it would end okay. Thunderbirds are Go! is fast-paced, and it suffers for it. When the Tracy
Poldark
The Delivery Man
y now you must have heard of Poldark, the new BBC Sunday night show whose Q&A with the lead role was jokingly titled ‘The Q&A which broke the internet’. Poldark is our new fix of BBC period drama for 9pm on a Sunday and circles around the life of Ross Poldark (Aidan Turner) after his return from war in America. Set in Cornwall, all eyes were on the show for its command of the Cornish accent, after ‘Jamaica Inn’ was criticised for the actors ‘mumbling’ and many of the public not being able to understand or hear the programme. However there has been little criticism as of yet, and Eleanor Tomlinson (playing Demelza Carne) has stated how much she worked on accent for the role. As for the leading man, we initially meet him in unfortunate circumstances, as upon his return he finds his sweetheart (Heida Reed) has been promised to his cousin and his father has died leaving him initially in a rather unstable financial position as the family mine is also now closed. Nevertheless, Poldark quickly starts to turn things around, initially with the waking up of the two house servants (Phil Davis and Beatie Edney) at the family home, who seem to have done nothing but sleep since his father’s departure. We are now over half way through the series but the popularity has been such that a second has been confirmed by the man of the hour, Aidan Turner. So what is it that is helping the popularity of the show, you may ask? Well, shirtless Mr Turner is a now frequent occurrence on the show, but also overall the performing and scripting has been successful and entertaining. Kassie Hopewell
TV’s new midwife comedy The Delivery Man starts Wednesday of this week, from the writers and creators of Green Wing. Indeed the show has been described as something of a Green Wing reunion with the producer and several of the cast members reappearing in the new show. With a strong cast known for their comic acting and starring Darren Boyd of previous Bafta-winning fame for the Sky series Spy, the drama is centred on the classic fish-out-of-water scenario. Boyd is Matthew Bunting, a former police officer who decides to retrain as a midwife when he realises he’s just too ‘nice’ to be a police officer. The pilot episode aired earlier this year and was subsequently picked up to become a six-part series. I have to say, I’m sceptical as to the longevity of the comedy; after all, how funny can a show remain when its main joke is that because a policeman is too ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ (translation: not your typical hyper-masculine macho action figure) that his only other career option is midwifery? Hopefully the injection of some strong female leads from the likes of Aisling Bea, the stand-up comic, will prevent the show from falling slightly into the dated category of a male lead taking on a stereotypically ‘female’ job and failing spectacularly because, well, he’s a bloke. Instead, ideally, the show will promote the idea that being a male midwife isn’t so unusual and bizarre after all, though it remains to be seen. However, at least the show has employed Paddy McGuinness as Ian, the best friend, so The Delivery Man is worth a glance for that at least.
BBC1, Sunday, 9pm
B
brothers are effortlessly saving people left and right, there is no tension. People have complained that Thunderbirds is slow and they’re wrong to complain. It wasn’t too slow. You saw the Tracy brothers spend time solving a problem, and that made you feel it was a hard problem to solve because you saw them struggle. Thunderbirds Are Go! moved too fast to let you care about the characters or the story. Does it have any good aspects? Well the fact I can’t stop humming the theme tune illustrates how much I love the score of the show. It did its best to create excitement and tension and it almost succeeded. Sadly an excellent score and clever cross-art mixing do not account for the rest of the failures of the revival. Hopefully it’ll pick up as the series progresses and it will do the franchise proud, or it’ll end up being International Rescue who need rescuing. Haaris Qureshi
Banished
ITV, Wednesday, 9.30pm
I
Fiona Callow
BBC2, Thursday, 9pm
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he bane of every TV addict’s life: how can you possibly select your visual dish of choice when almost every series that has ever existed is at your fingertips? In this exciting age of interwebbing and Netflix Originals, the BBC has fought back with Banished, a thrilling period drama born from the emotionally unforgiving pen of TV mastermind Jimmy McGovern. Set in the gorgeously arid climes of 18th Century Australia, Banished tells a wicked tale of the thousand convicts and soldiers sent to establish the first penal colony Down Under. Home to such a small and isolated period of British history, it would be easy to condemn the series as an interesting history lesson rather than a worthy use of seven hours of precious telly-time. I made this very mistake, and have been devoting several hours henceforth to catch-up after casually watching the penultimate episode. The imminent finale is etched in my diary. So why should the last episode flood your TV palette? Banished has cooked up what many TV aficionados can only dream of: a gritty, actionpacked drama fuelled by the shocking realism of character arcs born from a tragic period of world history. Will convict patriarch Tommy evade the hangman’s noose? Will his attack on the snivelling Private Buckley lead them both into the afterlife? Do any of the convicts deserve a happy ending, or will they find themselves cast off from the script as they were from England? With more themes than Microsoft Windows, Banished has thus far delivered a dark yet visually creamy selection of sun, sex and suspicious soldiers. Give it a go, even if only for some Aussie-flavoured travel inspiration. David Naylor
he British Royal Family, an institution and family loved all over the world by millions - except the powers that are at E!, it seems. From the man who brought you One Tree Hill, The Royals is a ‘creative re-imagining’ of the Royal family. Think Skins, but in a palace. The show follows an imaginary royal family whose debaucheries are threatening the future of the monarchy. It sounds great, doesn’t it? If you’re a treacherous republican, then yes, you’ll be able to indulge your anti-royalist sentiments watching this car-crash of a TV show.
“Elizabeth Hurley does a terrible job of speaking in an English accent. Which is concerning, considering she is English” The well-known nobody that is Elizabeth Hurley makes a piss-poor attempt to play the part of Queen Helena, the steely and instantly dislikeable matriarch of the family. Even though you’re supposed to hate the character, you can’t help but think that the Queen would be more popular if she just wasn’t there at all. I don’t think I’ve ever disliked a fictional character so quickly and intensely as Queen Helena. Also, it must be pointed out that Hurley does a terrible job of speaking with an English accent, which is concerning considering she is English. Whilst I’m on the subject of accents, I need to point out that several of the characters’ accents actually change throughout the first episode, from Ophelia, Prince Liam’s love interests’ shaky British then American accent, to Jasper, the bumbling bodyguard turned extortionists’ pseudo Cockney/ posh/American accent. It was certainly confusing whether it was a group of actors who clearly don’t know how to put on a good accent, or a director who just doesn’t seem to care. Well, it is only going to be shown on E!, isn’t it?
“I would have to give The Royals minus five stars, or 9 out of 10 executed monarchs’ heads”
The show is hideously Americanised: every character seems to mention that something ‘sucks’. The show is also gloriously oversexed; most of the characters are sucking verbally, and occasionally literally. It’s all just one right royal raucous romp, with the ersatz Prince Andrew, Prince Cyrus (brother of Billy Ray) leading the way on debauchery. That said, Cyrus, the scheming, conniving brother of King Simon, outshines the rest as well as the show itself, he embodies and represents the typical charming and manipulative English country gent. His brief appearances made watching the show bearable. Not even the promise of Joan Collins appearing later in the series could make me want to watch on. The Royals is a cataclysm of a show. I have seen many appallingly bad TV shows, I really have searched far and wide for the worst ever TV shows to offer up here in this column, but I honestly think that this is the worst programme I’ve ever had to sit through. I have had to watch this show and suffer through an episode, just so you don’t have to. Seriously, it’s not even a ‘so-bad-that-it’s-good’ type of show, it’s abysmal. If this was a straight up review, I would have to give The Royals minus five stars, or 9 out of 10 executed monarchs’ heads. *Technically I’m looking at a show that has just started but it’s still awful and worthy of my caustic and often hilarious remarks so for this week only let’s all pretend we don’t know what rewind means.
34.gaming
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Gaming  Editors:  Sophie  Baines  and  Ben  Tyrer
Super  sexy  sequel  surprise
Hotline  to  success
Sequels  are  a  touchy  subject,  James  McCoull  straps  on  giraffe,  zebra  and  duck  masks  to  take  on  the  madness  that  is  Hot- but  the  fetid  masses  often  line  Miami  2 DQG GLVFRYHUV WKDW WKH VHTXHO LV DFWXDOO\ EL]DUUH DGDSWDWLRQ RI WKH ¿ UVW LQ WKH VHULHV demand  sequels  -  Ollie  Burton  H[SORUHV ¿ YH WKDW DUH PRUH WKDQ RYHUGXH
5. Â Psychonauts I really donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know why this game hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t garnered more attention over the years. Well, it did get a cult following, but so did Scientology, so that isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t achievement enough. A lovingly crafted 3D platformer along the lines of Banjo-Kazooie, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been waiting for a sequel since 2005 to no avail. The environments are fantastic in every sense of the word, the visuals polished and the characters fascinating to the point where it becomes unnerving. Please Mr Schafer (thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right, the Grim Fandango guy), let me become a Psychonaut once more.
4. Â Battletoads Ah, the mighty Battletoads. Few games are so enraging that they become famous in the world of gaming (or should that be infamous?). Rare, the company behind this uber-difficult title, now makes Kinect games for Microsoft, but we should not forget their huge library of NES games, comprising over 40 titles on the 8-bit system. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been 21 years now, and I have no doubt that someone could make a killing with a full-blown sequel, if not a modern re-release a la Double Dragon Neon.
3.  Shadow  of   the  Colossus Team Ico were marvellous on the Playstation 2, bringing us both their namesake game and Shadow of the Colossus. Both are technological marvels well ahead of their time, with SotC being so aspirational and graphically intense that even Sonyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Emotion Engine chip could not adequately power the stunning visuals, which meant the game would often lag. There has been no similar release since its development on any platform, and the Forbidden Land is crying for another cinematic titanslaying adventure.
2.  Pokemon  Snap This game was a ballsy move on the part of Nintendo. Instead of trapping helpless animals in tiny spherical cages and forcing them to kill one another as per usual, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll photograph them instead. While a radical departure from the tried-andtested gameplay of the early series, I actually loved this game. You move along a predetermined track at steady speed, seeing your favourite Pokemon in the wild and try to take the best pictures you can, to be graded by everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s favourite grandsonforgetting old codger, Professor Oak. With enough points, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll unlock new courses and means of interacting with the Pokemon in their natural environment. The gyroscopic motion controls of the new Wii U are crying out for an HD sequel - just think of the possibilities!
1.  Half  Life  3 You knew this was coming. From the moment your beady little eyes scanned the title of this article, your heart sank in despair as you were once again reminded that another entry in the Half Life series is long overdue. Half Life 2 remains one of the finest video games ever produced, exemplary in story and gameplay, but Valve refuse to show any indication of future development. Even protestors camping outside their headquarters could not sway the mighty Gabe Newell to speak on the matter. But he did order them pizza, so we still love you Gabe.
D
ennaton Games struck a nerve with their 2012 ultraviolence-â&#x20AC;&#x2122;em-up Hotline Miami â&#x20AC;&#x201C; specifically the nerve that gets a kick out of fast-paced, high-adrenalin brutal action. The music was fast, the respawns were faster, and very few of us stopped even for a moment to consider the meaning behind it all. Even as the game directly asked us these questions, we didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care for the answers, so long as our answering machine could direct us the next address scheduled for a cherry red paint job. But three years later, long after the bloodlust has worn off and the red mist has settled, Dennaton are ready to shed some light. Enter Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number - a game which takes the setting and concept of the first game and doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t so much run with it as catapult it into space. The year is 1991, and the man known only as Jacket (the first gameâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s player character) is being sentenced for his prolific crime spree as the city of Miami comes to terms with the aftermath. A gang of five bored, restless youths takes on the murderous legacy of the man they see as a hero; the star of a movie adaptation of the events of Hotline Miami begins to lose track of the line between himself and his character; a detective chases a nameless killer from gruesome murder to gruesome murder across the city. All these characters and more are playable in Hotline Miami 2, and each brings
something unique to the table akin to the masks of the first game. The gameplay retains its smooth, hasty fluidity as you hurl yourself repeatedly at legions of enemies far outnumbering yourself, though each character tends to suggest a different approach. Mark, for example, dual-wields submachine guns which he can fire ahead or to the sides to clear out whole rooms; Evan wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t shed blood and instead prefers non-lethal takedowns, until heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pushed too far. The little mechanical variations say a lot about the characters to which theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re attached, as well as giving flavour to the levels and setting them all apart.
â&#x20AC;&#x153;Amoral violence with a jawdropping soundtrack and thrilling, rewarding gameplay that never gets oldâ&#x20AC;? But mostly, what makes Hotline Miami 2 shine as a sequel and a finale is its brilliantly surreal conclusion to the very loose threads of story set out by the first game. In Wrong Number, we learn where Jacket got the capability to take on entire buildings full of gangsters single-handedly, who was actually behind 50 Blessings, what happened to the Russian mafia after the execution of its leaders, who Beard
was, and a hell of a lot more. I have no intention of spoiling even one of the many twists and turns in this fantastic, tangled web of a story, but suffice it to say that if you were curious about anything from the first game, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be satisfied by some aspect of this. I adored every second I spent on Hotline Miami 2, and despite some mixed reception I think it more than stands up to its predecessor. If you like amoral violence with a jaw-dropping soundtrack and thrilling, rewarding gameplay that never gets old, this and its prequel are definitely the games for you. And if you play through them both soon, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be just in time for the level editor.
Mod  Review:  Falskaar
Jack  Taylor  GLYHV LQWR Falskaar D 6N\ULP PRG DGGLQJ RYHU KRXUV RI SOD\
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s a fully semi-professionally voice acted mod, down to the last â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Oomphâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; from running into someone, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll probably find yourself in awe of how this quasi-DLC wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t created by Bethesda themselves. Falskaar offers a unique 20+ hours of gameplay, with a new 40 minute soundtrack, new spells and shouts that Skyrim could have done with, and a well designed plot on an entirely new landmass. If the icy tundras of Skyrim ever bored you after a while of seeing them absolutely everywhere, then you will be relieved to know that Falskaar is almost bereft of it. The main quest line, which revolves around the deadly tensions between two factions, explains how â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Heart of the Godsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; has allowed the continent to flourish into a fertile, arboreal wonderland. One of these two factions, however, would like the Heart of the Gods for their own selfish needs, which are deceiving until the very end of the mod.
â&#x20AC;&#x153;There are quests that will give you a stronger feeling of being a true part of this communityâ&#x20AC;?
The mod can be started at any level by talking to Jalamar in Riften, who will send you to investigate the mysterious new dungeon, Echo Deep Mine, to the north-east of Riften. Enemies will always scale with your current level allowing you to play this mod from the beginning of the game but it can still be very challenging at higher levels, as a wide variety of Bandit Marauderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s weapons seem to stab their way into your chest. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll probably find yourself saving a lot in certain dungeons, reminiscent of
the planes of Oblivion through gates in Tamriel. I found myself paying much more attention to how I would tackle each enemy, rather than just running into bandits. This did, however, cause me to go back to Skyrim and recruit a follower to help me with the rest of the mod, but was mostly due to me avoiding making an overpowered character. The dungeon designs often splice together themes of Dwemer mazes, Draugr crypts and Bandit hideouts, and this is most notable towards the end when the player will most likely experience a dungeon deeper and more varied than any they have back in Tamriel. Skyrim tends to feel unchallenging at certain stages, but this mod will definitely have you die a few times if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not careful.
There are 17 side quests for the player to get involved with, including ones that will make you question whether or not you made the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;moralâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; decision, which is something Skyrim sometimes seems to leave out, as Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m quite sure most players engaged with the Dark Brotherhood quest line with little to no remorse. There are also quests that will give you a stronger feeling of being a true part of this community that has fallen on hard times. This mod is available on the Steam Workshop and on Nexus Mods. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a fan of free mods which appear to have had an extremely large amount of effort put into making them, then Falskaar is something you should try. There is simply no reason not to.
The Courier
gaming.35
Monday 20 April 2015
It’s a grand old time
Michael Hicks cleverly circumvents the delay of printed media by both celebrating GTA:V’s PC Release and admonishing it for being pushed back. Either way, we’re half-right
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o the people of the future reading this; hi everyone! Wasn’t Grand Theft Auto V on the PC great! I love the extra ending they added, where aliens invade and Franklin, Michael and Trevor have to fend them off using laser miniguns with the help of CJ and John Marston, only to find that the talking dog was behind it all, guiding the entire plot along from start to finish with the finesse and eloquence of a chess master. And then we learned the true identity of the G-Man. And that bit where Batman showed up? Glorious! The gaming press declared it not only the biggest revolution in gaming history since two lines and a square bouncing between, but it’s also been collectively nominated Game of the Year; for all eternity! At least until Half Life 3 comes out anyway. Alternatively, the conversation with the people of the future could also just as easily go this way: Boo! The PC release of Grand Theft Auto V got delayed again? Way to go Rockstar! Do you guys even want my money? I spent my student loan on dual Titan Xs for this game, and this is how you repay my loyalty? Well, I don’t care anymore. I’m going to play Saints Row! How do you like them Apples, Rockstar? So unless you’ve been living on the surface of Mars for the past five or so years (in which case, welcome, my new alien overlords. It’s customary for interstellar invaders new to Earth to clean the dishes, sweep the floors and pay the student loan debt), you’ve probably heard of the most successful video game of all time, Grand Theft Auto V. The game first released on the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 way back in September of 2013. I remember those times well. My options were go out and meet
people in this strange new city or hide in my new room and play GTA; I chose the latter and I’m proud of it. The game very recently received a re-release on Playstation 4 and Xbox One systems earlier this year, giving those people yet another game they’ve already played and making them rethink some £350 purchasing choices. Announced alongside these new versions was a PC version of Rockstar’s mega hit that was to be released at the same time, but
alas, here we are in April 2015, still waiting for the prodigal son to descend. The internet, predictably, is reacting to the continued delays with all the composure of a spoiled toddler after being told he can’t have a new toy. I’ve seen people call Rockstar a Judas, and say that this delay is completely unjust and unacceptable and all other sorts of hyperbole, and cursing, an awful lot of cursing. To quote Shigeru Miyamoto, formally known as ‘That bloke who did them Marios’, “a rushed game is forever bad, a delayed game is eventually good”. This has always been the case, especially when it comes to PC ports, as there’s nothing worse than a rushed PC port. With all of the extra stuff that Rockstar is bring exclusively to the PC version, it’s set to easily be the best version. So my advice is simply be patient. You’ve all waited this long patiently, what’s another month to wait? But let’s face it, you’ve all played this game before. Why are you throwing a tantrum again?
Left: Franklin is excited or disappointed in the release or delay of GTA V PC.
Review: Bloodborne
-DFN &DXO¿ HOG joins the nightly hunt in From Software’s latest challenging action-RPG outing
thecourieronline.co.uk @Courier_Gaming
Killing Floor 2: Beta Impressions Ben Tyrer shares his thoughts about the sequel
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ombies. What make them so darn compelling to shoot at? They’re slow, slobbering monstrosities that endanger in swarms but are useless on their own. They’re clearly evil, making any kind of trying moral quandary satisfyingly unnecessary. And yet, they’re us, really, aren’t they? When we shoot a zombie we’re really shooting an external projection of our baser, more hungry selves. Truly, we are the real monsters. Before I crawl under this desk and fully commit to my existential crisis, let me tell you some stuff about what I played in the closed beta for Killing Floor 2, Tripwire Interactive’s sequel to the actually-prettywell-received online zombie shooter featuring ridiculous English accents and wave upon wave of undead. Killing Floor 2 isn’t about reinventing the simple, fun formula of the original. In that sense, gameplay remains largely untouched: you and some pals get together and slaughter increasingly large waves of zombies, earning money for the kills you make, while trying to make your way across a variety of large-ish maps in order to touch base with the Trader who, in the minute-long downtime between waves, opens up shop to sell you all manner of powerful death-dealing weapons, as well as grenades and armour to protect you from the fleshy claws of the living dead. The trader moves around the map in between waves, meaning it’s not possible to set up camp outside her hub and simply weather the storm of zombies - you’re forced to keep moving, and as the waves get bigger and the tougher variants of zombies begin to emerge, teamwork becomes key to survival.
“Attention to weapon detail is characteristically high”
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ometimes it seems like all that anyone wants to talk about with regards to the Souls series is difficulty. There’s no denying that these are challenging games, and that it’s an aspect of their design which has significantly contributed to their mystique. But as someone who finds himself easily frustrated by difficult games, there must be something else in Bloodborne that keeps me coming back. Like its predecessors, From Software’s latest offering takes place in an unrelentingly bleak, unpleasant world, with lore you have to work for, and populated with inhabitants being slowly driven to despair or madness by their situation - it’s hard to tell whether these people are laughing or crying. But it’s also a significant departure - where the Souls series has generally been set in worlds that appear medieval, Bloodborne takes place in a thoroughly Victorian city. It’s a change that informs a lot about the game’s design. It signals a shift from dark fantasy to outright horror; grotesque monstrosities, from werewolves and zombies to eldritch horrors ripped
straight out of Lovecraft, stalk Yharnam’s streets. It also signals a tighter focus; the game takes place over the course of one night in a relatively enclosed location - still more interconnected than the setting of Dark Souls - and the equipment you have access to is much more limited than ever before.
“BloodBorne shifts from dark fantasy to outright horror” This might seem negative, but in the past there have been countless items in these games that were simply redundant. This time, though there will clearly be fan favourite weapons and armour, there’s no objective ‘best’. The old adage in the Souls community that a weapon’s move-set matters a lot more than its stats has never been more true. Each weapon has two states that can be switched between mid-combo: there’s a cane that turns into a chain-whip, a spear that becomes a rifle, a sword that becomes a sledgehammer. It makes every new weapon you find feel unique and exciting, instead
of just another sword to add to the pile. A more significant shift is the replacement of shields with firearms. Rather than encouraging the player to pick off enemies from a distance, this addition actually pushes them to be more aggressive. Most guns do little damage, but can be used to stun an enemy mid-attack, facilitating a powerful counter-attack. The game’s cruellest joke is the one wooden shield it contains, utterly worthless, which serves only to point at the player after they’ve been forced to play with guns for hours and say, ‘See how much better this is?’. But to say what really keeps me coming back: it’s stepping into a carriage by the edge of a lake and stepping out at the other end in a snowy wasteland, to find the horses all frozen to death; it’s opening a door and realising you’ve been here before, hours earlier, and that all zones are intricately connected; it’s leaping into the lake, hitting the moon’s reflection, and being transported somewhere unrecognizably different. It’s these beautiful, inscrutable, uncanny moments that only Bloodborne has that make it worth playing and replaying.
Teams that work together and use strategies have a far better chance of making it to the final round. Things like covering each other while reloading are crucial, as well as sharing money out so that everyone can deal enough damage to cope with insane enemies like the Fleshpound, who wants to squash you with his nasty arm-drills and requires a small army to deal with. Piling up money for yourself with no thought to your teammates stuck using pistols won’t end well. You can weld doors shut to exercise some control over the flow of zombies, who will have to reroute to get to you. Creating and holding chokepoints like this is a great way to funnel zombies to their death, and feels immensely satisfying. You have to maintain the welded doors, though, and the zombies will eventually burst through, their frenzied attempts to do so delivering a surprising tension as you try to keep on top of the situation. Closest care has been given, in true Tripwire style, to the animation and feel of the weapons, which are a joy to fire and reload. Particularly gruesome kills will plunge the game into slow motion for a few moments, allowing you to appreciate the care taken in both the animations and weapon models and the subsequent explosion of zombie viscera, who react forcefully to your attacks. Perks are less passive this time, each having skills that you can unlock to use in battle and determining which weapon you start with. Some peripheral things like matchmaking were a little irksome, but this is a closed beta and things are surely set to improve. The actual content available all felt polished, and once in game it’s easy to forget that this is a project still in production, not a finished product. More maps and weapons will be needed to secure true longevity, but I have no doubt Tripwire - and the community - have plans to sustain the game with new content.
36.science&technology
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
Science Editors: Laura Staniforth and Penny Polson Online Science Editor: Jack Marley
Election round-up: science policies Jack Marley GLJV LQWR WKH VFLHQFH DQG HQYLURQPHQW SROLFLHV LQ WKH WRS ¿ YH SROLWLFDO SDUWLHV
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cience is rarely an important election issue for most people. Maybe it should be, though. If you’re keen on seeing diseases cured, space explored and the world not turning into a charred wasteland by the time you’re 40, it’s worth your time voting for someone who doesn’t still think the Earth is flat. With that in mind, here’s a handy guide to where all the main parties stand on this election’s least discussed and arguably most important topic.
Conservatives
Ukip
The pre-election breadcrumb for education this time around is a new loan system for postgraduate study. Sounds good, forgetting of course the whole trebling of tuition fees to start with. Education then might not be their strong suit, how about energy? Well they’re essentially cheerleaders for the hydraulic fracturing industry when it comes to domestic policy, despite damning scientific evidence highlighting its role in polluting groundwater and potentially causing earthquakes. But then fracking is a complicated issue, it could be argued, and not all of the science is in on it. Okay, the environment then, have the Tories listened to what the science has to say here? Well, when an independent team of experts tasked with overseeing the government’s cull of badgers came to some inconvenient conclusions regarding its effectiveness in controlling bovine tuberculosis, the government simply sacked them. You’re free to draw your own conclusions. It could be they prefer science to agree with their own badger-hating agenda, or it could be more complicated. Either way, they have utterly
Well, where to start. Ever since Councillor David Silvester of Henley-on-Thames warned us all that gay marriage causes floods, Ukip have blazed a formidable trail in the dumbing down of political debate. It’s good to see they’re at least concerned about extreme weather, but it is a shame that they’re less keen on addressing its real causes. If elected they plan to scrap the 2008 Climate Change Act which commits us to significant greenhouse gas emissions, and while their oddball fringe candidates (of which, let’s face it, there’s a fair few) might blame the flooding issue on a vengeful God’s wrath, the official party line is that evil EU directives stop us from taking necessary flood prevention measures. Having said that, they also think STEM subjects are inherently more important things for young people to study than the humanities, and have even promised to waive fees for those doing ‘proper subjects’. So therein lies UKIP’s position: mad keen on us studying science, just not that keen on it having anything to do with policy.
Labour
Lib Dems
Students rejoice! An education will be yours for the marked-down-although-let’s-face-it-still-waytoo-high-why-can’t-we-be-more-like-Norwayprice of £6000 per year! But wait, there’s more! Dropping the sarcasm, to be fair Labour aren’t a million miles away from the right idea. New Labour tried and failed to raise science funding as a percentage of GDP, so maybe their heart has been in the right place on this issue. They’ve been relatively quiet on the matter of science spending since then, though, and it’s uncertain how much they’d like to see spent on it. Climate change then might be the best reason to vote Labour for those who care about science. Their pledge to completely decarbonise our energy sector by 2030 is one of the most ambitious of the main parties and as the exsecretary of state for energy and climate change, Ed might be a safer bet than ex-husky hugger Dave.
In the weeks to come you can expect excuses to fly back and forth between the two coalition partners as to who’s most responsible for the messes of the previous five years. One thing the yellow team will be happy to take credit for however will be their insistence on science research funding remaining ringfenced from the start. Now, looking ahead to what they hope to achieve in the political wilderness for the next 20 years, the Liberal Democrats remain passionate about ensuring science specialists occupy science teaching positions in schools, and also that the world’s best and brightest continue to look to our shores to learn and teach. Lovely stuff.
Greens They’re pretty much defined by their pro-science policies on the environment and climate change, and their manifesto reflects it. The Greens advocate steering the applications of our best scientific minds away from the military and consumerism, and towards green energy and other utilitarian endeavours. They also want to make sure science spending is at least 1% of GDP. How to pay for it? Scrap our nuclear weapons programme and raise taxes on top earners. On climate change they’re equally unflinching, promising a carbon neutral society by 2050. It’s pretty easy to roll your eyes at it all: it’s even easier for them to promise all of these things while they’re in permanent opposition. But, in the end, perhaps all of these promises taste just a little better than thousands of needlessly dead badgers and fracking chemical-spiked drinking water.
“Ever since David Silvester warned us that gay marriage would cause floods, Ukip have blazed a formidable trail in the dumbing down of political debate”
Tick tock, it’s sports o’clock Technology and sports go hand in hand;; Josh Nicholson checks out which products are worth it
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cience and technology start to creep more and more into the arena of sports and exercise, but with this new mineral and that new watch, are the new products actually worth it? Well, I’m here to tell you that some of them are, but you could be out of pocket should you choose to go down the more high-end technological route. Apple are about to roll out the release of an allin-one watch which will be an all-conquering being, which in some cases is quite a scary monopoly to have. One big marketing ploy they have used is their new ‘Health’ app which comes free with IOS 8. This is something which seems inherently a good idea for the general public, and not just with a mind to selling more products.
“I don’t think anybody actually counts the precise steps it would take to get from their home to Jesmond Tesco”
However, with apps like this and Strava, a free running app, for example, you actually have to be chained to your phone/watch at all times. The health app tracks your movements throughout the day via a GPS satellite, so by this premise, if you lose, forget or just can’t be bothered to take your phone to the shop and back then those steps aren’t counted. At the risk of sounding stupid, I don’t
Image: Karlis Dambrans
think anybody actually counts the precise steps it would take to get from their home to Jesmond Tesco, which thus means the results could be a bit hit and miss. However, it should be noted that they do offer a good guide, which could have its uses. In the interest of the pursuit of scientific knowledge, I had a chat to a friend who runs, asking what he thought of all the technology within the Apple watch and its available apps. He told me of Garmin and Nike’s version, which he considered to be superior. In terms of being an all-in-one watch the Apple wins hands down, but in terms of sports tech, Garmin and Nike blow it out of the water. The Garmin will set you back a somewhat staggering £100 but gives a simple, functional and more exercise geared display. I’m not advocating splurging your student loan on one of these but it does show there is a range of stuff out there to suit many different tastes - though it depends what sport you’re doing because it’s a bit strange to think someone would spend £479 on a bit of kit and get it bashed about playing football or rugby, for instance. In terms of other scientific gizmos, a personal favourite is the TrionZ, which is used by a lot of high-level sports stars. It claims to regulate blood transfer around the body and supposedly gives off magnetic pulses to help you go for longer. It’s about £20 so how many of these claims can be truthful remains to be seen. Living on a student budget, though, if you can stop yourself from having those 12 trebles you could have for that money, it’s worth a try - anything for that little bit
extra. Recent years have seen gadgets, gizmos and must-haves have become as much a fashion accessory as a tool for furthering your exercise routine, with recreational exerciser and professional athletes alike seeing them as necessary. It seems that companies can just lob any form of scientific positivity at a product and people will buy it, but in many cases the data is from unreliable testing.
“Companies can just lob any form of scientific positivity at a product and people will buy it, but in many cases the data is from unreliable testing”
All these examples show the problem with scientific sporting tech. There is no actual outright number one, show-stopping product and the scientific evidence around the positive effects is minimal and, needless to say, sketchy. What is interesting is the rise in the markets surrounding science and sport in recent years, and how in-keeping it is with the modern age of need, want and gluttony. The one thing that is for certain, you’re better off paying for a gym membership and a person trainer if you’re that bothered: if your sporting involvement is due to gadgets and gizmos, you’ve probably got it a bit wrong.
The Courier
technology&science.37
Monday 20 April 2015
thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk   |  @courier_science
The  return  of  the  LHC
Iqra  Choudhry  takes  a  good  look  at  the  reemergence  of  physicsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;  greatest  machine
T
he Large Hadron Collider, the largest (and possibly most misunderstood) single machine on the planet, circulated beams of protons for the first time in almost two years this Easter weekend. The LHC, situated under the Franco-Swiss border, just outside of Geneva in Switzerland, has been re-commissioned to accelerate protons at speeds that many have described as â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;unholyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;; collide said particles, and further our knowledge of physics by opening up whole new fields of interest (or is that hole new fields?). As the largest and most ambitious particle collider in the world (and a collaborative effort between twenty-one states), the LHC has been at the forefront of many major discoveries in particle physics. Since the first successful particle collisions in November of 2009 (the first collision experiments were postponed due to an accident in which magnets in two of the sectors were damaged and lost 6 tonnes of liquid helium), experiments at the LHC have made the following discoveries: t%VSJOH .BZ B TVCTUBODF DBMMFE UIF â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;quark-gluon plasmaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; had been created in the LHC. It is the densest substance in the known universe, barring the matter in black holes. t"Ä&#x2122; FS NBOZ FYQFSJNFOUT UIBU IJOUFE BU UIF FY istence of the elusive Higgs Boson particle, the particle was discovered in one of its bottomoniVN TUBUFT BOE UIJT XBT DPOÄ&#x2022; SNFE JO "QSJM t%VSJOH /PWFNCFS BO FYQFSJNFOU XBT carried out to test the supersymmetry theories in physics (the yin-yang theory of sub-atomic particles, if you will) and the team observed the breakdown of a meson particle into two muons, which posed new questions in supersymmetry research as the results werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t comQMFUFMZ DPOTJTUFOU XJUI UIF 4UBOEBSE .PEFM t*O /PWFNCFS PG UXP OFX IFBWZ TVCBUPNJD particles called baryons were discovered, which represent excited states of a previously known particle. Since startling the whole world upon its first USJBM SVO PO UI 4FQUFNCFS UIF -)$ IBT been at the centre of many a controversial headline. When the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leading particle physicists admitted to the possibility (albeit, the in-
finitesimally tiny possibility) of the LHC and its high-speed particle collision experiments generating microscopic black holes, the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s media was whipped into a frenzy. Everyone, it seemed, was convinced we were all going to die. Any particle physicist worth their salt could (and did) explain that the creation of microscopic black holes required collisions at energies the LHC was not operating at, and wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be operating at. In addition, microscopic black holes are presumed to disappear almost as soon as they come into being, via a process called â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Hawking RadiaUJPO %VSJOH UIJT QSPDFTT CMBDL IPMFT AFWBQPSBUF elementary particles such as photons and electrons are emitted and Hawkingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s calculations show that the smaller the size of the black hole, the faster the evaporation rate. Sorry, but physics dictates that doomsday scenarios are rather unlikely. So what are the physicists down at the LHC trying to achieve this time around? Over this Easter weekend, the teams at the LHC have managed to accelerate protons to unprecedented energy (6.5 TeV per beam, for all you physics buffs out there who know exactly what that means). The aim for LHC: Season 2 is to explore uncharted
physics territory by colliding two protons at this TQFFE DSFBUJOH B DPMMJTJPO BU 5F7 XIJDI XJMM give them new insight into sub-atomic particles.
â&#x20AC;&#x153;When the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leading particle physicists admitted to the possibility of the LHC generating microscopic black holes, the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s media was whipped into a frenzyâ&#x20AC;?
Ä&#x2021; F 4UBOEBSE .PEFM PG QIZTJDT JT BMTP HPJOH to be given its most rigorous testing, with experiments designed to explore and explain the variety of sub-atomic particles out there and investigate their relationships with one another. With proposed experiments regarding dark matter and anti-matter too, it seems the scientists out there have a lot on their plate. One UIJOH T GPS TVSF UIF QIZTJDT XPSME JT XBJUJOH XJUI bated breath as we enter a new age of research.
Alex  Irvine  explores  a  strange  concoction  that  may  be  the  cure  for  a  modern  superbug
M
icrobiologists have discovered that an onion, garlic and cow stomach recipe is just what the doctor ordered when it comes to treating the superbug MRSA. The ancient Anglo-Saxon remedy for eye ailments is a concoction of onion, garlic, wine, MFFLT BOE DPX TUPNBDI *U XBT MFÄ&#x2122; UP GFSNFOU JO B brass pot for nine days, and was found to kill up UP PG UIF .FUIJDJMMJO SFTJTUBOU 4UBQIZMPDPD DVT BVSFVT .34" JO UIF MBC " GVSUIFS TUVEZ XBT VOEFSHPOF PO .34" JOGFDUFE NJDF XPVOET LJMMJOH VQ UP PVU PG CBDUFSJBM DFMMT It was found that the remedy was more effective than the sum of each ingredientâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s antimicrobial properties. One of the main questions that emerged was, why does that certain preparation work so well? This is a question the researchers hope to answer by collaborating with analytical and medicinal chemists. The â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;absolutely phenomenalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; findings were found as part of initiative by the University of Nottingham researchers looking into the effectiveness of ancient medicines against modern day illnesses. This is by no means the first modern medicine to be rediscovered from the halls of time. Artemisinin, one of the most effective treatments against malaria currently in use was discovered in ancient Chinese scriptures.
â&#x20AC;&#x153;The ancient Anglo-Saxon remedy was found to kill up to 90% of MRSA in the labâ&#x20AC;? Image: Andrea Back
Whale  of  the  Week  Brydeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s  Whale (Balaenoptera  brydei)
Illustration  by  Becky  Irvine
Can  cow  stomach  cure  MRSA?
However, if thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s another lesson to be learnt from our past itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s that microbial resistance is an ongoing problem not easily fixed by a simple remedy. The threat of being cast into the dark ages of medicine as a result of antibiotic resistance has been looming over us for years. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to say that this breakthrough wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be ineffective in a few years to come as well? Although the researchers donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve found a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;silver bulletâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; to the complicated problem PG GBTU FWPMWJOH TVQFSCVH .34" UIFZ CFMJFWF UIBU potentially this ancient remedy has future medical benefits. The researchers also proposed how solutions may lay in combining ingredients instead of finding a single ingredient to find a cure. They have found that this project has shown that thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lot to be gained from the collaborative work between the humanities and the sciences, and that we shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t underestimate our predecessors when it comes to their medical input. But before you get too excited, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not skim over the fact that this same book offered ground breaking news for horse owners when it said that horsesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; pain was probably inflicted by elves. Clearly, it will take a lot of trawling for ancient manuscript curators to find whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s likely to be an effective medicine. The findings could mark a surge to see if more solutions to our modern medical problems lie in the writings of the ancients.
The Courier
puzzles.39
Monday 20 April 2015
Puzzles 1
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Puzzles Editor: Kate Bennett
Courier Catch- phrase
See if you can guess (catch) the common idiom (phrase) shown in these picture combos?
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“I’m Roy Walker and I heartily endorse this event and/or product”
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1 Terse (5) 4 Fine-toothed tool designed to cut through metal (7) 8 Lockjaw (7) 9 German bombing campaign in Britain during WWII (5) 10 Capital of Italy (4) 11 Popular style of Ray-Ban sunglasses (8) 14 Britain’s only poisonous snake (5) 15 To supply with necessary items (5) 16 Fermented sauce used in East Asian cookery (3) 18 Something unusual (6) 19 Spanish found-footage zombie film, released 2007 (3) 22 Marvel superhero who transforms when he’s angry (4) 24 The EU’s currency (4) 26 Lacking in vitality (4)
For even more news, views, sports and culture, make sure you head over to thecourieronline. co.uk
Down
1 The one from Genesis who isn’t Phil Collins (5, 7) 2 Modern art gallery located on London’s Southbank (4, 6) 3 Tug (4) 4 People seized as security (8) 5 Adult male swan (3) 6 The part of a saddle you put your feet in (8) 7 Sorcery (8) 12 Raised water channel (5) 13 Decorative design cut into wood or metal (8) 17 Nocturnal bird of prey (3) 20 Ensemble of singers (5) 21 List of food and drink for sale in a cafe or restaurant (4) 23 To weave yarn using needles 4) 25 Dad (2)
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40.sportfeatures
Monday 20 April 2015
This  Lass  Can
Swim  like  a  EXWWHUĂ&#x20AC; \ sting  like  a  bee
The Courier
As  the  This  Girl  Can  campaign  gathers  momentum,  we  asked  some  of  our  womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s  sports  teams  to  get  involved  too Â
My  kind  of  cleaning
Newcastle  University  Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s  Swimming
Northern  Angels  Cheerleading
Throw  like  a  girl Newcastle  University  Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s  Rugby
You  wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t  foil  me Newcastle  University  Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s  Fencing
The Courier
Monday 20 April 2015
Puck stereotypes
Newcastle Wildcats Women’s Ice Hockey
Ball’s in our court Newcastle University Netball Club
Smashed it
Newcastle University Women’s Volleyball
sportfeatures.41
Time to throw in the towel, boys? Newcastle University Women’s Boxing
Keep your backhanded compliments, I play for me
Newcastle University Women’s Tennis
42.sportbucs
Monday 20 April 2015
The Courier
While you were away: Easter delight for Uni Not everyone spent their Easter VFRI¿ QJ FKRFRODWH PDPPDOV DQG VXEVHTXHQWO\ ORRNLQJ DW WKH FHLOLQJ LQ D GD]HG VKDPH KROH RXU VSRUWV WHDPV KDYH EHHQ EXV\ JUDEELQJ JORU\ E\ WKH MDIIDV DQG À XVKLQJ XQGHUDFKLHYHPHQW¶V KHDG GRZQ WKH PHWDSKRULFDO WRLOHW
Basketball Just before the Easter break, Newcastle University’s Women’s Basketball Club booked their spot in the BUCS Trophy final in Loughborough with a 72-61 victory over Worcester, and while you were away over the holidays the girls brought that very trophy back to the toon. Running out 65-46 winners over Oxford Brookes, the ladies brought glory upon our University, adding another piece of silverware to the cabinet. It adds to a first season in charge to remember for new Head Coach Mark Elderkin, as the girls are cur-
rently top the Northern 1A league and have risen to 5th in the country for women basketball, helping Newcastle University as a whole rise to 7th in what has been an astonishing year. In the coming days after lifting the trophy, Twitter was awash with praise for the team that has performed to the highest standard possible this year, and there is no group of sportswomen who deserve it more than the BUCS Trophy champions. Alex Hendley
Presenting the 2014/2015 Trophy Champions Photography by NUWBC
Football “Bare bones” was the phrase of the holidays on Newcastle University’s football Twitter page, as numbers dwindled during the Easter break. Despite this, Newcastle pulled it out of the bag to earn a 4-3 victory over Cullercoats and a 2-1 win against Gosforth Bohemians, followed by a 4-4 draw against Hexham. Aside from this unbeaten run, there was also some #bants knocking around the football Twitternet, suggesting England’s Roy Hodgson should be replaced by Newcastle Uni-
versity personnel, along with support for England’s Six Nations plight and The Courier’s own women’s football protégé Calum Wilson’s new site. With training back underway before the University term began, the boys have had their heads down preparing for the promotion play-offs to come, and the hard work appears to be paying off so far with a 3-1 triumph over Nottingham Trent, with Sheffield Hallam also in their group. Alex Hendley
Cricket Whilst everyone was finishing their BUCS season the chaps down at Newcastle University Cricket Club were only just starting to harden their hands, linseed their bats and prepare for a season which holds much promise. They returned to Newcastle earlier than most during the Easter holidays to start their preseason training at Longbenton in the warm Northumberland sunshine, something which is probably very welcome given the horrendous rains at this time of year over the last couple of years. As they slaved away a photo of them appeared. There is no real words to describe how gladitorial it was, the sun going down on a hard days work. A pint well earned.
NUCC will also be hoping that Caleb Jones will be fit enough to play having suffered an injury playing in the intra mural 7 a side football. Jones was still full of support for his teammates despite not being able to train tweeting ‘top work from @NewcastleUni CC #wegoagain’. The outdoor side will be hoping to avenge the disheartening loss to Northumbria indoors earlier in the year at Stan Calvert. They face a tough Leeds side in their first game on Wednesday and will be hoping to start with a strong performance. Josh Nicholson
Captain Jack Taylor played a key role in Newcastle’s success Photography by Calum Wilson
The Courier
sportbucs.43
Monday 20 April 2015
Netball It was a red-hot season for the Netball 2s, winning 9 out of 10 league matches and finishing as champions of Northern 2b. However, blue was the colour for their celebrations as captain Tess Richardson transformed herself into a smurfette to toast the team’s league success. Tess and the girls soon had to wash off the body paint and remove their white pointy hats because the following week they were back on court and competiting in the BUCS conference cup final against Liverpool 1s. Mama Smurf, Head Coach Deborah
Percy, summed up the enormity of the match on the side’s Twitter page, stating, “I feel sick”. Unfortunately for Newcastle, their performance was littered with errors and they were punished, going down 25-33. All told, it’s been a year to remember for the Netball ladies and they put the cherry on top with a tournament victory on their recent Easter tour. Hopes are high that the smurf army can continue their fine form again next season. Calum Wilson
The whole kit and caboodle: Mizuno to supply teams after Adidas farrago They may not be the biggest name on the high street, but the new Mizuno kit deal makes a lot more sense for the Union than the Adidas deal ever did, says Online Sports Editor Josh Nicholson
The tweet taste O of success How the Uni teams’ successes played out on social media
The women’s lacrosse team took the BUCS Trophy after defeating Exeter 2nds 10-5
Our triathletes headed down south to Hampton for a race at the Thames Turbo club, scoring one podium place
NUNC carried on their good form from the end of this season to win a friendly competition in Lloret de Mar, Spain
Physiological Sciences third year Piers Goodwill got called up to the national universities rugby union squad An impressive showing from the women’s water polo team, who ended their season in second place in the BUCS rankings championships, following wins in the Sheffield Hallam and Bristol in the playoff mini-league
The mens rugby union firsts got silver in the BUCS Vase after a tough final match with Cardiff Met, who ran out 27-18 winners
The Blue Star rowers sat in front of the Union for four days and rowed the equivalent of a trip to Africa to raise money for Water Aid
ver the past couple of years there has been questions around the ethical actions of Adidas who had supplied the university sports kit previously. However, this week the Union has announced who will be taking over the mantle from their controversial previous suppliers. Mizuno will take over in a buy as you need capacity rather than Adidas’ stock take model. There had been issues in the past year surrounding Adidas’ involvement in the use of sweatshops to create their clothing. It was found that one of the establishments they used had been left with $1.8 million of unpaid workers’ wages, and nine universities in the USA severed ties with Adidas over the issue just as Newcastle’s deal started. Clearly, these issues did not reflect well on the University.
ever as clean and their child labour and high ratings for worker welfare would suggest. There has still been issues surrounding their own use of sweatshop workers even though they have been voted one of the best ethical retailers by numerous bodies over previous years. The Japanese company seems to pride the safety and welfare of its workers in high regard, though, so hopefully this will reflect positively back onto the university. The Union also stands to gain financially from the new deal with Mizuno. Adidas had made the University buy stock for the year meaning that much of the kit was remains unused, unsold and in no uncertain terms, useless. However, Mizuno are using a much more flexible model regarding their supplying the University, proposing a buy-as-youneed model. In essence, the Union will
“Having faced and suffered stiff opposition from some societies with the old Adidas kit, their pulling out may well actually turn out to be a positive with a more ethically acceptable company”
Further to these problems, the sudden loss of Adidas as a kit supplier earlier on in the year left Caleb Jones and his AU executive with no other option but to look for alternatives. The announcement of Mizuno is interesting as they may not necessarily be known to a large scale audience - it is rare to find young footballers lusting after a pair of Mizuno RunBirds over Adidas’ Predators, for instance - but seemingly they are a more sensible fit for the university sports teams. For starters, as mentioned there were questions surrounding the ethics of Adidas and where their kit was being supplied from but Mizuno have been shown to be one of the more ethical kit suppliers. They host a policy of being open with those who they supply to and all other parties involved. Moreover, they have been proven to use some of the lowest usage of child labour within the realms of sports kit suppliers. Clearly any child labour at all is abominable, but we must pick from the choice we have. Having faced and suffered stiff opposition from some societies with the old Adidas kit, their pulling out may well actually turn out to be a positive with a more ethically acceptable company. Obviously it is difficult and wrong to suppose that Adidas are the only company who use and exploit this kind of unethical labour due to high demand and being a multiple national corporation. Mizuno, a global brand themselves be it on a smaller scale, are not how-
not now be landed with amounts of kit which become a financial liability. Steering the venture, as ever, was an excitable Caleb Jones, Athletic Union Officer, who said this week: “Over the last few months, we’ve been working hard on finding a new preferred supplier for Team Newcastle, who will meet the high standards in quality, design, and price, that we demand for our sports clubs.” With Newcastle trying to raise the profile of their sports department with a new sports centre now being scheduled to be built, there also seems to be much more focus on a University driven design process with societies and clubs being involved in what they think will suit their team rather than using a template. This is a freedom which Mizuno themselves are keen to emphasise, with the company having been quoted as saying: “Mizuno is excited to be announced as the official supplier to Team Newcastle and is keen to meet with all teams and societies to look at kit options and packages.” Overall the new partnership between Newcastle University and Mizuno seems a much more comfortable fit than previously with Adidas. The ethical notions promoted by Mizuno seem more viable and the deal is a lot more economically viable with how the kit is being supplied. Let’s hope this is a match made in heaven rather than the marriage from hell that nobody wants, especially after Adidas’ exit.
O
h, lovely Easter – the single mid-term break during which the sporting world doesn’t seem to be almost completely asleep, unlike Christmas and the summer, and instead captivates with its remarkable eventfulness. Add to that some roast lamb and homemade pastry and you’ve got yourself the ultimate entertainment. The abundance of extraordinary happenings was just the icing on the cake throughout this entire period. A particular one of them you would not expect to witness again in the near future. Only a few weeks ago, nothing would have been a better fit for this column than the achievement of Mieko Nagaoka – the Japanese woman who apparently became the first 100-year-old to complete a 1500m swim in a 25m pool. Hard to find anything more spectacular than that. But what about a 16-second football match?
Williamson takes the allimportant penalty kick Photography by Getty Images
On April 9, England Under-19 Women’s team came on the Seaview Stadium in Belfast against their opponents from Norway to produce the craziest ending of a game you could possibly see. Unlike any other match, this one started from the penalty spot as Arsenal midfielder Leah Williamson stepped for a shot she had already taken five days ago. Both teams initially met in the previous week and the Three Lions were trailing 2-1 when they received the chance to level with a penalty in the 96th minute. Surprisingly, Williamson’s goal was disallowed for encroachment by the referee, Marija Kurtes, who then wrongly awarded a free-kick to Norway instead of a retake. However, for the first time in its history, UEFA would not leave this injustice unrectified. A post-match decision by the officials stated that the last 16 seconds of the game shall be replayed and thus Williamson was once again dreaming of a last-gasp equalizer. Her cool nerves and precise finish sent England on top of Group Four and this wasn’t even fatal for Norway who also qualified as the best of the runners-up. Now, that is what I call a win-win. Needless to say, it was nothing else but UEFA’s uncharacteristic interference that transformed this event into a memorable sensation. The football community is not used to seeing many logical, even compassionate, responses from the governing bodies in such situations. Remember Henry’s handball? Poor Ireland, if only World Cup playoffs could be replayed as easily as an U19 group stage game. Of course, with such a precedent, there appears to be a glimpse of hope for teams in the future which demand a compensation for some wrongdoing. Guess Christmas in not the only time of the year when magic happens. Illustration by Daisy Billowes
Sport
www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 20 April 2015 Issue 1309 Free
thecourieronline.co.uk/sport
Sports Editors: Peter Georgiev, Jonty Mawer & Huezin Lim Online Sports Editor: Josh Nicholson courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport
P.45
The Northern 1A champions came from a goal behind to win the match Photography by Calum Wilson
EASTER UPDATE
P.40
Play-off win edges Toon FORVHU WR %8&6 WRS À LJKW Men’s Football Newcastle University 1sts 3 Nottingham Trent 1sts
1
By Calum Wilson at Longbenton Newcastle took a giant step towards promotion with a 3-1 win at home to Nottingham Trent last Wednesday. Having been crowned champions of Northern 1a this year, the lads must now finish top of a three-way playoff, that includes Sheffield Hallam, to earn a place in the BUCS Premier Division next season. Two goals from winger Matt Greenwood, either side of a fine strike from Olly Walker, were enough to see off Nottingham Trent, despite the visitors taking the lead on 8 minutes. Nottingham, who won Midlands 1a, came flying out of the traps and had the home defence on the back foot early on. Notts’ striker had the games first chance, heading over a cross from the left. The same player was then denied by a last ditch challenge from Mel Pilkington after Newcastle’s keeper had scuffed
his clearance under pressure. Soon the visitors were in front after some very neat build up play proved too good for the slow-starting Newcastle defence and an equally good finish left keeper Dan Readman helpless. A thigh injury to midfielder Scott Huntley added to the early woe. Captain Jack Taylor explained after the game, “we almost needed that prodding and afterwards we kicked into gear and put in the performance we needed”. NUAFC have made a habit of having to come back from behind this season, including in dramatic draws with Manchester and Leeds Beckett. “We’ve shown we can do it throughout the season and it was no different today”, Taylor explains. Winger Matt Greenwood, who has had an injury-hit season, started on the right hand side of midfield and twice cut inside to score a pair of spectacular goals with his favoured left foot. Unfortunately, late in the game, Greenwood appeared to aggravate his ankle injury. Greenwood, Huntley and Angus Taylor, who also picked up a knock in the game, will now face a race to be fit for the final playoff match away at Sheffield Hallam in two weeks time. Before his injury, Greenwood caused
havoc to the Notts backline. A defensive lapse on 16 minutes allowed the wideman to get a cross in but Joey Laver, arriving in the box, couldn’t quite sort his feet out. Moments later though, Greenwood found himself with room on the edge of the box and, leaning back, unleashed a curling effort up and over the stranded visiting keeper into the top left hand corner. The match was played at a furious pace and had all the aggression you would expect from such a critical contest. A Notts midfielder spent the majority of the game sporting a bandage after being treated for a head injury early on. At 1-1 the game looked like it might swing either way. Pilkington saw a header scrape the side netting and Ames’ clever knock back across goal found no-one gambling in the six-yard box. At the other end Readman was lobbed by the Notts’ left-winger, but the effort bounced just wide. 33 minutes gone, and with Nottingham still re-shaping following a corner, Newcastle took the lead. Substitute Robbie Sweet won the ball in defence and found Angus Taylor in space in the middle. The right back then fed Olly Walker and the prolific striker did the
rest. Beating a man just inside the Notts’ half, Walker drove at the backline and had options left and right. With defenders drawn by the attacking runs, Walker managed to shift the ball onto his favoured right foot before letting rip and leaving the keeper no chance. Things went from bad to worse for Nottingham when Tom Espin was adjudged to have been fouled in the area, although many thought the defender had got plenty of the ball. Sweet stepped up but the goalkeeper guessed correctly and produced a fantastic save down low to his right. In the second half Newcastle started strongly. Walker watched on as his free kick from the edge of the box beat the wall but clattered against the crossbar. Greenwood then added his second. Having taken up a similar position in from the left, he fired a perfectly placed finish into the bottom corner. Nottingham carved out a few half chances to cut the deficit. Readman in the Newcastle goal was called upon on a couple of occasions to help his side out. First his fingertips were needed to flick a dangerous header over his own crossbar, and then he had to rush out to block an oncoming attacker.
THIS GIRL CAN From the resulting corner, Jack Taylor was in the right place at the right time to clear off the line. With five minutes left, the hosts almost shot themselves in the foot. Sweet was dispossessed on the edge of his own box, but the Nottingham forward’s shot was too weak to worry Readman. The match ended 10vs10 as Newcastle lost Greenwood to a late injury having made all their substitutes and Nottingham had their goalkeeper dismissed for foul and abusive language towards the referee. The Geordies held on for the win, meaning they just need to beat Sheffield Hallam to win promotion to the Premier North. The end of the game also saw a penalty shootout, which, if all teams finish on the same points, will determine the outcome of the playoffs. Newcastle lost the shootout 2-4 but still have their fate in their own hands when they travel to Sheffield. Captain Taylor spoke of his confidence, “it’s going to be tough away from home, but I think we’ll enjoy that. We’ve shown some real character in the biggest games this season”.