The Many Faces of Domestic

The Many Faces of Domestic Violence SPOTLIGHT

Story by Emily Messall Photos by Kassandra Eller Design & Photo Illustration by Krista Kok

‘Why don’t you justleave? It’s not that hard.’ These are words typically spoken by someone who has never experienced the terrifying reality of domestic violence every hour of the day.

Domestic violence is so much more complex and emotionally-charged than hidden cuts and bruises. It can be mental, emotional and physical. Anyone can suffer from domestic violence, and it can occur anywhere — even right here on CWU’s campus.

Between July 1, 2018 and June 30, 2019 there were 47 reported cases of domestic violence at CWU, according to Kristen Perry, violence prevention and response coordinator for The Wellness Center.

This may seem like a small portion of the student body, but even one or two cases is enough to be alarmed about the safety of students. There are many forms of domestic violence between different types of relationships that are a part of these reported cases.

Where Domestic Violence Can Hide What many people don’t know is that your roommate is viewed as a domestic partner by law. This means that if there is a verbal or physical dispute between roommates, this can be reported as domestic violence, according to Perry.

Domestic violence can involve roommates in addition to romantic partners. It isn’t simply what you might see on TV or hear in the news; it’s not always a man physically abusing a woman. Perry says, “It can happen to anybody … between heterosexual people, homosexual people [or] anyone in the LGBTQ+ community.”

Regardless of sexuality or gender, domestic violence doesn’t discriminate. “It can happen by anyone,” Perry adds. “It can happen between two women. It can happen between two men. It can happen [where] a woman can be abusing a man.” Domestic violence also doesn’t just happen to younger couples or at the beginning of relationships. It can happen at any age and at any point in a relationship, no matter how long those people have been together. Rony Rivenburgh, senior Sociology major, can attest to this after witnessing domestic violence between her parents while she was growing up.

Scars, bruises, welts and more are only a few signs that someone may be suffering from violence. While physical abuse can be the most obvious indicator that there is a situation occurring in the relationship, it certainly isn’t the only indicator.

Perry mentions, “A lot of people will think that domestic violence is just physical, but it can be emotional and mental as well.” It can be hard for people to recognize what emotional and mental abuse looks like and how it can be separated from other forms of harassment.

“Manipulation, jealousy, belittling [and] guilting” can be indicators of emotional or mental abuse, according to Perry.

Some relationships may also have sexual abuse present. Perry says that this can include being “pressured into any type of sexual activity, … withholding information on STIs [or] controlling birth control, like birth control pills [and] also condom usage.”

There is also a common misconception that sexual assault can’t happen in intimate partner relationships. Assault and abuse can occur in any type of relationship.

While sexual abuse and sexual assault are different, they can come hand-in-hand. Perry differentiates, “There is sexual assault and then there is sexual assault within an abusive relationship.” The misconception that a person cannot sexually assault their partner isn’t true.

Another lesser known type of domestic violence is financial abuse. The website for The One Love Foundation, an organization that advocates for domestic violence victims, notes that financial abuse encompasses a lot of things.

It lists controlling finances, giving an allowance of money, limiting hours a partner can work or not allowing them to work at all, purposefully ruining credit score or doing things that may make it so that that person cannot be financially stable on their own, as indicators of financial abuse.

Domestic violence is not universal but anyone can fall victim to physical, emotional, mental or financial abuse.

Victims and Red Flags Not only does the violence affect the partners in a relationship, it can also affect people outside of that relationship as well. For Rivenburgh, watching domestic violence take place in her own home warped her view on relationships.

“Children that grow up in violent homes are strongly impacted by the violence,” notes the Psychology Today website. “Children that grow

To see a visual representation of the different realities of domestic violence, check out the PULSE YouTube channel for an inside look.

up in violent homes at a young age, who become violent adults have not had someone to give them sufficient support, nurturing, guidance, boundaries and an adequately healthy environment for them to overcome their experiences.”

For those outside of the home, it can also be traumatizing to see loved ones or friends experience domestic violence.

Hannah Blinstrub, Human Resources assistant at UTZ Snacks, student educator at Right at School and former classmate of author, Emily Messall, experienced the death of a close friend as a direct result of domestic violence.

After her friend’s death, Blinstrub says that her view of relationships was greatly altered and she started to become more aware of unhealthy signs in relationships around her.

However, for many individuals, it isn’t as easy as it may sound to notice the red flags of an unhealthy relationship.

The One Love Foundation’s website notes that intensity, possessiveness, manipulation, isolation, sabotage, belittling, guilting, volatility, deflecting responsibility and betrayal are warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.

But noticing these signs doesn’t always mean that someone is able to leave the situation immediately. There is a common stigma surrounding domestic violence related to the idea that the victim could choose to leave if they truly wanted to. If they know their relationship is unhealthy for them, why do they stay?

Staci Sleigh-Layman, executive director of Human Resources for CWU, notes, “Any person that puts up with behavior, they’ve learned to put up with [that] behavior. There’s some other stuff going on; like you’re afraid to come forward.”

In addition to fear, Sleigh-Layman mentions that victims often “don’t have the emotional resources, they don’t have the monetary resources [and] they can’t see a way from point A to point B.” It can be difficult to leave a situation when you don’t know where you’re going afterwards or what resources are available to you.

Finding Help It can be hard to know what to do if you or someone you know are stuck in a situation that may be considered domestic violence. Sergeant Andy Bayne with the University Police and Public Safety department advises victims or witnesses, “Call 911 immediately; even if they’re questioning it, dial 911.” In addition to contacting the police, reaching out to those you trust to help you through the situation can be a good next step.

Sleigh-Layman adds, “I wish I could say that this stuff doesn’t take courage, but it does.” She suggests that it could be helpful to find “the people that can support you in the process.”

Support can be an important part of gaining the courage to find help for yourself or for someone you know. Perry says that she wants victims to know “they’re not alone. And that, unfortunately, it’s not uncommon to be in an abusive relationship or a situation like this and there are resources that are here to help and care for them.” There are so many resources both on and off campus for victims of domestic violence and learning about these options can be a good place to start.

As on-campus resources, Bayne points to the Wellness Center and the Rape Aggression Defense (RAD) program. While acknowledging that RAD should be used as more of a preparative self-defense course, Bayne says that it’s a one-credit physical education class offered to students.

In addition to where she works at The Wellness Center, Perry recommends the Student Medical and Counseling Clinic and CWU’s website, We Care. Abuse Support and Prevention Education Now (ASPEN) and Comprehensive Mental Health Counseling are also two off-campus resources that are intended to help domestic violence victims.

A piece of advice Blinstrub offers for people witnessing or experiencing domestic violence is to “reach out and get out. It’s okay to run away from toxic relationships.”

Domestic violence can be a difficult situation to handle, whether you are in it yourself or you know someone who is. Remember that there are resources for victims of domestic violence, and you are not alone.

If you or someone you know are at risk for domestic violence call the NationalDomestic Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or check the local resources listed above.

&YOU Consumerism

Story by Rachel Retchless | Design & Illustration by Kayla Craig

You went online to your favorite store and ended up buying a few things that really caught your eye, even though maybe you didn’t need them. But it’s fine because they were on sale, you wanted something fresh and after all, shopping helps you relax … Or does it?

Buying new stuff can be fun, but it might be taking more of a toll than you think.

Over-buying and consuming may be affecting your mental health and invading your peace of mind.

Consumerism. It’s a word you may have heard, but unless you’ve taken a business class or done your own research, you may not know exactly what consumerism means — other than it’s related to consuming stuff.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, consumerism is “the theory that an increasing consumption of goods is economically desirable.” Consuming more and more may be what keeps the economy booming, but licensed Psychologist Paul Reppas points out, “There is some indication that there’s positive benefits to materialistic drive or an industrialistic mindset … like economic activity, but for the most part, all the effects of consumerism culture on the individual psyche … are negative.”

Reppas also says the idea of consumerism is feeding a certain story within society and individual lives. “The story that our culture often communicates is that ‘you don’t have enough. You don’t have what you need. You should be dissatisfied with who you are.’”

New-Age Marketing The thoughts of not being enough that consumerism puts into your brain may cause you to blame yourself or other buyers. Before you start feeling guilty about your last impulse buy, you may want to know about the marketing industry’s role in consumerism culture.

Even though it may be impossible to never see an ad again, especially if you can’t sleep without your nightly Hulu binge, you may be able to lessen the invasiveness of ads. Have you ever seen notifications pop up on a website asking you to allow ‘cookies’? These little tools aren’t nearly as sweet as their name makes them seem.

Associate Professor of Marketing, Sayantani Mukherjee, says that cookies are small amounts of data that sites store on the hard drives of users. They’re used to track your activity on sites and when you visit them.

They also explain the spooky reappearance of an ad for those shoes you checked out earlier in the day on a completely different site than the one the ad appears on, Mukherjee explains.

The website for Norton Antivirus Software says cookies also function to save your shopping cart or remember passwords if you choose. But if you’re worried about your data privacy or you’re just tired of being enticed by personalized ads, Mukherjee suggests periodically clearing the cookies from your web browser.

Mukherjee points out that not all newer marketing tactics are as creepy as cookies.

Think about your favorite brand. Do they have a vibrant social media personality, great customer service or authentic, user-generated content? Mukherjee says that these are modern marketing tactics that may feel less invasive than cookies.

Junior Psychology and Public Relations major Jaidyn Alemazkour points out another modern marketing method — influencers. Alemazkour recently tried a hair care brand suggested by social media influencer Andrea Russett, after she discussed on her YouTube channel how it was working wonders for her hair.

Although sometimes influencers discuss brands because they’re sponsored by them, Alemazkour says, “I was like ‘yes’, because you know [brands] pay certain people to go on their

advertisements and say ‘hey look at this.’ But hers wasn’t even a paid video. Hers wasn’t sponsored, so I took it as more credible.”

While there are many ways specific products are targeted toward the consumer, it can be important to recognize the impact of this constant array of products at your fingertips.

Mental Health Impact The consumerism narrative may be causing some serious mental health problems.

The marketing industry is dehumanizing and depersonalizing people, according to Reppas. “That’s the best way you can market to someone — to convince them that they are representative of something and then tell them that you need these accessories to represent that thing.”

The consumerism narrative also intends to separate people depending on status. This is in place of a society narrative that says, “‘We’re all together in this, we’re all working together, we’re all finding solutions together,’” says Reppas.

There are many implications of dehumanizing and isolating people. Reppas says people are being less vulnerable with each other, struggling to find intimacy and feeling alone. He says that a lack of human connection, “from a biological perspective, literally means death. There’s no difference between social connection and death to an intensely social species like humans.”

Because of this idea, it is easy to see why a lack of human connection through the consumerism culture can impact people’s mental health.

You may know that your last online shopping binge is taking a serious toll on your bursting closet, but did you know your purchases are using up mental space too?

“We are a tool-utilizing species … but part of tool use is identifying with these things … these things become parts of our psyche because they’re extensions of our physical body,” Reppas says.

He adds, “I think it causes us to be overloaded not just in a physical sense, not just the dissatisfaction that comes with that, a cluttered space … but also just mentally, which is so much more critical, because our brain is helping us see the world and determine what behaviors we should engage in and then we’re cluttering it with junk.”

Not enough time has passed for human genetic and neurological structures to be able to distinguish wants from needs; it’s all just resources according to Reppas.

Taking Back Control Consumerism may come with some negative and invasive side effects. But there are some simple lifestyle changes you can make to start living a more fulfilling and less consumption-driven life. Reppas encourages people to engage with others and adds that “buying stuff generally doesn’t make us any more happy, buying experiences tends to actually make us more happy.”

Adding gratitude into your life can also provide some perspective on consumerism habits. Reppas encourages taking the time to stop and appreciate what you have at that moment before you move on to the next thing by asking yourself questions like ‘Can I be thankful for what’s here?’ and if you happen to be splurging, ‘Can I be mindful and aware and appreciate the thing that I’m overspending for?’

If you’ve ever spent more money than your bank account allows so that you could have the

“If I were a student, I would make it a quarterly budget instead of a monthly budget because that is the time period most important to me as a student."

next best product, you may understand what a financial burden this can cause — especially if you’re a student.

Steele Campbell, Personal Finance Planning assistant professor, has some tips that may help you to get your spending under control and think more about the future.

Budgeting may be your first step in the right direction. “If I were a student, I would make it a quarterly budget instead of a monthly budget because that is the time period most important to me as a student,” says Campbell.

This process can be as easy as downloading free budgeting apps or creating an Excel spreadsheet to track your spending. Another suggestion of Campbell’s is to take your student loans seriously. “Student loans are no joke,” says Campbell, “The best advice I can give is to be an informed borrower … For every dollar I borrow while in school, I will be forced to spend a little more than a dollar to pay back that debt in the future.”

If you’ve been feeling the pressure to consume more and more, want to spend less money or just want to see less individualized ads, consider trying some of these techniques to take control of your consumption and spending.

Reppas says that what people spend money on represents what they want to see in the world. What do you want to see in the world?

10 Closet Cleanout Tips

Clean out your closet twice a year. It might help you cut out clothes you don’t wear and bring in clothes for the changing weather.

Make a good playlist — it can make the time go by faster and keep your spirits high!

Pull everything out — literally everything. Lay it all out on your bed or floor so you can see it all.

Prioritize. Sort everything into categories so the task seems more manageable.

Stick to the ‘one year’ rule. If you haven’t worn it in a year, what makes you think you’re going to wear it now?

When you’re cleaning, go with your initial gut instinct. Taking too long to decide on an item might make you second guess yourself and keep more than you need.

Invest in organization. Hangers, baskets and drawers can make everything look cleaner and more put together. It’ll also help you keep from overfilling your closet if you have nowhere to put more clothes!

Grab a friend to help you. Having a friend whose opinion you trust while you purge can prevent you from making exceptions on what to keep and what to donate.

Donate as much as you can. You will feel good knowing that someone else is getting good use out of the clothes that don’t fit you or your style anymore.

Store away clothes that are out of season. You probably won’t be needing that cute ski jacket in the middle of July.