THE OLD MAN'S CORNER E.L. Winston

THE OLD MAN'S CORNER

E.L. WINSTON

As I sit here reflecting on these past two and a half years, I’m brought to this deeper understanding of who I’m becoming. Freedom will do that to a person. I guess to understand where I’m at I should tell y'all where I started. The evolution of me started about 3 years ago at a trans support meeting. I went as an ally, and I see now that the man in me wanted to be free and was looking for his tribe. Up until that point, I had identified as trans masculine. Looking back though that was more for those around me than it was about who I was. It made it easier I thought for others and if I’m being honest it was somewhat easier for me too. I was in my late forties, married, and rebuilding a relationship with my twin brother who had difficulties when I came out as a lesbian. Did I really want to start at ground zero with him? And what about my wife? When we got married I identified one way and now that would change. What would this mean for her? For us?

Then, there were all these things going on in my own head. Do I have to change my name and if I did what would it be? I mean, this has been my name for my entire life and I don’t dislike it. There is history attached to my name that I’m proud of but how do I get people to respect my pronouns when my name doesn’t seem to match. I had more questions than answers and more fears than courage at times. The one thing I was sure of more than anything else was that I couldn’t hold this fella in any more. He’d seen glimmers of light, had heard the call of his tribe, and wasn’t trying to be silenced or explained away. The next phase began. I sat down to do some research, ask myself some uncomfortable questions about my own resistance, and understand my internal struggle. So, I did the soul searching and decided that it was time to live as my true self no matter what. To show up in this world as present and authentic as one person can be. Now, I live happy and whole. Are there some things that I would like to change? Absolutely! And in due time I'll get to those things, but for now I’m just enjoying the journey that is me. Welcome to the Old Man’s Corner, where there is no hiding from self and no shame for change!