BUT WHAT IF THAT'S NOT ME? Immani Love

BUT WHAT IF THATS NOT ME?

IMMANI LOVE

Picture the scene…Sex Education class, the teacher speaks of relationships, marriage, anatomy, and of course intercourse. You happen to be the 12 or 13yr old girl who has a crush on the teacher, a woman. Watching as she leans over her desk, excited by a glimpse of the lace bra that is barely peeking out her slightly unbuttoned blouse. As you listen to her go on about how she thinks dating should go and gets to the part about a boy kissing a girl and your stomach gets queasy. The image of a sweaty, pubescent boy groping at you, smelling of too much Axe body spray, and the cheap cologne he drenched himself in to try to impress you is literally making you sick. “Can I get a pass to the Nurse please?” Across the room, a boy of the same age is staring at the muscular jock that sits in front of him, memorizing the nape of his neck, how that one curly lock of his hair wraps around his ear. Smitten by the way his tight jersey hugs his biceps. He’s lost in the daydream of the moment the athlete wraps his arms around him in loving embrace rather than his rude comments and bullying that has been their actual daily interaction. He tunes into the teacher just as she talks about the softness of a girl’s breasts and the moistness of her vagina. Bile creeps into his throat. “Can I get a pass to the bathroom please, I feel sick.” As both children walk down the hallway, they each think to themselves, “I know that’s what’s ‘normal,’ but what if that’s not me?”

Unfortunately, this is the feeling that millions of teens are subjected to in the current education system that doesn’t really have a place for LGBTQ+ youth. There are very few schools that even still address sex education at all and even fewer that include the queer community. These teens don’t get the opportunity to see anything that represents their sexual identity except on TV. The pressure of being a teenager and trying to “fit in” is compounded by the reality that not only should they not have to fit in to any preconceived idea of identity, but this is supposed to be a time to figure out just who they really are. Gender roles, gender identity, and sexual preference aren’t supposed to be based on society’s concept of normality. Queer is not synonymous of weird. One thing that this most recent Pride season has shown is the larger number of younger attendees to Pride festivities trying to express themselves as authentically as they can with little to no guidance from the education system. We need more inclusive sex education.

Inclusive programs are those that help youth understand gender identity and sexual orientation with age-appropriate and medically accurate information; incorporate positive examples of LGBTQ+ individuals, romantic relationships, and families; emphasize the need for protection during sex for people of all identities; and dispel common myths and stereotypes about behavior and identity. There are still some states where sex education itself is outlawed so where is the hope for the LGBTQ+ youth in those places? How do we avoid alienating these youth? Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning (LGBTQ) youth need and deserve to learn in settings that are inclusive of their experiences and that give them the education necessary to stay safe and healthy.

Far too many LGBTQ youth are sitting in classrooms where their teachers and textbooks fail to appropriately address their identities, behaviors, and experiences. Nowhere is this absence clearer, and potentially more damaging,

than in sex education. It is our responsibility as adults plnot only offer a safe space for them to learn but to thrive and this is not just for the parents of these children but for our community as a whole. Because as far as you know, it could be your child, niece, nephew, or grandchild, walking down that hallway saying to themselves, “I know that’s what’s supposed to be ‘normal,’ but what if that’s not me?”

***If you want to help in your community a good resource is contacting your local chapter of GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network or The Human Rights Campaign in your city. Ask how you can help.

IMMANI LOVE SHE/HER @IMMANILOVE