'TIS THE SEASON... To Check On Your "Strong Friends". Imanni Love

'TIS THE SEASON... TO CHECK ON YOUR "STRONG FRIENDS"

BY IMMANI LOVE

It starts in late October for me…the dread of the holiday season. Once November gets in full swing, I start letting friends and family know I’m not doing it. And by “it”I mean any of it. I’m not cooking anything, buying anything, gifting anyone, none of it. I try to manage expectations. Odds are I’m not coming to your house for Thanksgiving and if I do it will be VERY brief. Odds are I’m not getting you a gift unless I’m having sex with you and even then it won’t be extravagant. (You won’t get no PS5 messing with me so get that out of your head.) Now you may say, “but Immani…what about your family?” To which I reply, my family gets my love and gifts all year long. If I want to give them gifts I do, I don’t have a particular day I save all year to overspend on except my birthday. I’m not a “Grinch,” I’m realistic. It took me a very long time to get to the point in my life where I manage my holiday stress by managing how I interact with people. Everyone is not that lucky.

Every year the holiday suicide rate climbs. Especially through Covid with the solitude of quarantine, the lack of human contact literally killed people. Now with a return to “normalcy” families are gathering and social anxiety replaces solitude. The stress of financial concerns and the expectation of our families and friends to buy gifts puts undue pressure on an already struggling society. Do your “strong friends” a favor and call them. Not just text, you can’t hear distress in an emoji. Be aware of the friend you think has it all together, those are usually the ones who hide their stress the best. But don’t forget the ones who aren’t always on social media. The ones you only message or text when FB tells you it’s their birthday. Also, be mindful of the ones who have lost someone, gone through a breakup, lost a pet, or remembering someone they miss more during the holidays. They are not ok. And when you call them not only ask how they are doing but LISTEN to their answer. Look out for red flags. When they say, “I’m ok.” Follow up. Are they really ok or just giving their programmed response? If they say, “I’m struggling or I’m having a tough time,” Try to be available for them. They may just need an ear. If they need more and you can help, do it. It will help them and you more than you know. If you

can’t, rather than saying, “I wish I could help,” try saying, “I may not have the answers but I’m willing to try to help you find them.” Just that little effort shows that you are sincere and they’re not alone, which at the end of the day, is often all they need.

Alternately, if you are that friend in need. Don’t be afraid to say, “I need help.” It’s not a show of weakness, it’s an act of bravery to say “I can’t. Or I’m in trouble.” Just speaking your truth and allowing someone to love you may be the difference between life and death. Being vulnerable enough to open up to someone may save the both of you. You never know someone else’s struggles until you allow them to be open and honest with you and possibly themselves.

I know these things seem daunting but in reality it’s probably the easiest thing in the world to be the friend you need and want in your life. Try going into the next year and new season of love with a new outlook on how you communicate and how you manage your relationships. I may not have all of the answers but the ones I have hopefully help someone. As the year comes to an end and we take time to reflect on the things we’ve been through and survived, take time to check on your strong friends, and at the same time, take care of your own energy.

If you or someone you know needs help and is considering taking their life, please take a moment to call or text “988” for the National Suicide and Crisis Hotline.

She/Her

@ImmaniLove