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Ask Marshay
Ask Marshay
Celebrating Femininity All Month Long...And Then Some! Marshay Dominique (she/her/hers)
Oxford Languages defines femininity as a series of qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of women. And that’s it! I’m so thankful for growth, aren’t you? Let’s dissect and reconstruct our own realistic definition as the textbook description is limiting, vague and quite frankly, in my opinion, its rather outdated. We have an old habit of associating femininity with being female but both feminine and masculine energies are equally necessary for all beings to learn to delicately balance between; think Yin & Yang- not him or her. Try not to limit this article to gender roles because we’re really discussing dualism or the lifelong internal divide that we all face within self.
How Do We Embrace Femininity?
I personally struggled to accept & appreciate my feminine self because I misunderstood its true meaning and power. I’ve watched a lot of very intelligent & strong-willed people silence themselves out of fear of misrepresenting what it means to be feminine, almost like they’re afraid of breaking some type of code. That unspoken code that says being feminine means to be polite, quiet, well-behaved, ALWAYS well puttogether and never speaking with foul language, etc. Sounds a lot like a dog’s training manual, doesn’t it? I’ve also had the misfortune of witnessing people run from facing their own feminine self believing they would somehow then appear weak by doing so. But wouldn’t you run from someone trying to enforce a dog’s training manual on you? That’s the best lesson for me...realizing that there is no cookie cutter way to embrace your feminine self! No one can decide for you what that means and don’t let anyone shape you by what they believe you should be. It took me some time to unlearn societal & generational misconceptions about what femininity truly means but I’ve got it now. It’s nurturing your tribe with the healing energy you were born with as a superpower, it’s sensitivity given at the right time to self and those around you for the betterment of a community, it’s gentleness offered with the intention of caring for someone enough to make them feel emotionally safe around you...that gentle, sensitive nurturer lives inside of everyone regardless of how we identify and there is NOTHING weak about that.
How Do We Denounce Toxic Societal Thinking?
It definitely starts at home but we all know some people are beyond that and have been in the dark so I believe it actually starts within you. Think back to when you had a really good day where you just couldn’t stop smiling (everyday, I hope!) and before you knew it, your smile was infectious. Thats exactly how we reprogram ourselves and others from thinking with old, outdated narratives (they may not even realize they are). We start within us. We erase the old fear that we’ll be bulldozed over, weakling, puppet versions of our true selves just for facing and embracing our feminine side. Its simply not true!
You’ll never be stronger than you are when you’ve identified your balance and found your power. I promise you that. You can be in touch with your feminine self and still be protected and protective; fierce yet forgiving; tender yet still strong; expressive & courageous and so much more. You are not limited by exploring your inner self in all of its unique facets. In fact, you are better equipped to face the world once you do. I promise you that too. Being that self-assured example for friends and family in constant contact with you can only mean good things. Trust me, I know!
Take Away
I’d like to think of myself as a bold example of what happens when you face your fears. We spend so much time trying to bury them, trying to denounce them and run away from them altogether but if you could take anything from this article, I’d hope it would be to go out and fight your fears. Hunt them down and make them afraid of you! Our fear of the unknown and unexpected has been genetically passed down and is actually a defense mechanism built into each and everyone of us. I find its the biggest resistor to us appreciating and celebrating our femininity. But once that beautiful balance is struck, you get to stand back and see how masculine and feminine energies flow together in a constant web of protection and guidance around your life, which I believe is where true intuition is born (another superpower unlocked)! Don’t be afraid to master the many video game achievement-esque levels inside you. You were gifted with everything you need to maneuver this difficult life and we celebrate trusting and living in that solid fact.
