Being A Broad January 2010 by Being A Broad

Being A Broad January 2010 #52

The monthly magazine for international women living in Japan

our cover girl: ENTREPRENEUR ANNA KUNNECKE

stretching your CREATIVITY between a ROCK and a HARD PLACE: CRAIG MORREY’s story our TOKYO GIRL gabbi bradshaw FORGETS 2009 MENTORSHIP for NEW MOTHERS

becoming a WWOOFer in IBARAKI making the MOST of TEACHING REEVALUATING LIFE in TOKYO for 2010

www.being-a-broad.com

PHOTOGRAPHY:

HEALTH & BEAUTY:

IN THIS

ISSUE 4

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had great holidays and are looking forward to a 2010 full of happiness, health, and success, whatever that may mean to you! There’s plenty in this issue to give you inspiration if there is something you want to change this year. If it’s romance you’re looking for then find out about a new matchmaking service on page 12. If you need to get those creative juices flowing then why not try one of Larry and Kristin’s workshops, featured on page 13? And we’re featuring fabulous photos from our autumn picnic with Tracey and Dee of 37 Frames on pages 10 and 11. As you can see, we had a great time romping in the leaves at Yoyogi Park, and I can highly recommend this as a great way to celebrate a birthday, family visits, new addition to the family, or simply friendship.

being a broad news

BAB events, hiking in Tsukuba

entrepreneur Anna Kunnecke

6 7

our cover girl women of the world news from around the globe

things we love the little things we love in Japan

Tokyo girl

moving on from 2009

looking back at the BAB & 37frames Pix{nic} in the Park event

10 BAB event

image: Kerry Raftis/www.keyshots.com

image: David Stetson

message from the founder

Image: iStockphoto.com/Carmen Martínez Banús.

6 our cover girl

12 love & dating

finding love with HeartMark

learning

flexing your brain with the Creative Fitness Group

we profile Mandy Kitchener of Tomita High School

14 working

Caroline Pover BAB Founder

15 parenting

• Craig Morrey’s heart-wrenching story

the broads (and boys!)

• Tokyo Mothers Group’s mentor program

18 feature

image: Alena Eckelmann

Publishers Caroline Pover & Emily Downey Editor & Designer Danielle Tate-Stratton Marketing Consultant Amy Dose Marketing, Sales & Distribution Consultant Sarah Baker Advertisement Designer Chris May BAB reps Kelsey Aguirre (Shonan) kelsey@being-a-broad.com Shaney Crawford (Tsukuba) shaney@being-a-broad.com Aiko Miyagi (Okinawa) aiko@being-a-broad.com Aurora Bonaiuto-Davi (Shizuoka) aurora@being-a-broad.com Contributors Gabbi Bradshaw, Helen Kaiho Mandy Kitchener, Ginny Tapley Takemori, 37 Frames, Shana Graves, Louise George Kittaka, Mandy Kitchener, Craig Morrey, Nikki Tate, Laura Pepper, Alena Eckelmann, Alicia Samuels Cover Model Anna Kunnecke Cover Photographer Kerry Raftis, www.keyshots.com Proofreader Jane Farries Printing Mojo Print Opinions expressed by BAB contributors are not necessarily those of the Publishers.

12 love & dating

notable recent events for women in Japan

volunteering working on an organic farm in Ibaraki

real-life story

• evaluating dreams during the New Year • making the most out of teaching English

love found at a hotel’s front desk

22 she found love in Japan

20 real-life story

Being A Broad magazine, editor@being-a-broad.com www.being-a-broad.com tel. 03-5879-6825, fax: 03-6368-6191 Being A Broad January 2010

BAB NEWS

From the BAB Message Boards: Member BAB Okinawa Rep. Aiko says: I will understand if no one has any advice for this particular problem, but I will post it anyway as a means to let off steam. My boss means well. But she loves to pretend I am just totally different from her for the mere fact that I was born in a different country. She knows that I speak fluent Japanese; when we first met we went out to lunch and spoke only Japanese. But since we started working together this year, whenever I ask her for a recommendation for a hospital or something in the area, she always makes it a point to recommend a place where they speak English. (Now, I have probably visited

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Being A Broad December 2009 #51

The monthly magazine for international women living in Japan

our cover girl: TOKYO PHYSIO’S ANNETTE CHASE

early PREGNANCY in JAPAN learning to COOK in a TINY kitchen LYNN MATSUOKA paints the world of Japanese SUMO enjoying WINTER in HAKUBA

giving NEW LIFE to old KIMONOS WAKING UP at just the RIGHT TIME CALM yourself through MEDITATION

www.being-a-broad.com Thanks for picking up this issue of Being A Broad. Like what you see? Then why not subscribe today? For just ¥4,500 you’ll get one year (12 issues) of Being A Broad delivered to your door. Email: editor@being-a-broad. com to subscribe today! Plus, we now have the past six issues of BAB on our website and will be adding more soon. Check them out at www.being-abroad.com, and let us know what you think!

more hospitals in Japanese than in English and I would trust my ability to talk about medical issues in Japanese more than the ability of some doctor who claims to speak English to explain them to me in English.) Equally annoying, she and her husband (a Canadian who is also the co-boss of our school) said to me at the beginning when I was hired that using Japanese at school was OK, but I guess since I started using it with the kids more than she would like (mainly to explain things that needed explaining so that the lesson could progress), they switched to a No-Japanese-at-School policy. This would be completely understandable if it were possible to exclude Japanese from lessons entirely, the idea being to provide an English-only environment for the students. But apparently she does not believe it is, because she comes into my classes when she hears me trying to explain something in English and kids complaining that they don’t understand (who can blame them?), and explains it to them in Japanese while I just stand there helpless, looking like a fool! What can be the reason for this other than that she doesn’t believe someone with my (face? citizenship? what?) ought to speak ‘their’ language? I can’t really tell her how much this bothers me. I have been—not fired—but refused a contract renewal in the past for failure to comply with the boss’s wishes (which were, quite blatantly, for me to “stop being so stingy and attend my coworkers’ wedding parties”—there were three of them in my six-month contract! And two of them before I even got my second paycheck!) So I figure this time it’s best to not say anything and just put up with her discriminatory attitude until I can go home. It’s a fine place to work in most other ways and there’s no one I outright don’t get along with. But that one thing really drives me nuts, to the point where all I want to do when I get home at night is drink wine and put my brain on standby mode with episodes of Friends I’ve already seen five hundred times just to forget about what she said to make me feel less than human that day. I don’t get any satisfaction from teaching kids when I am only perpetuating the wrong ideas about gaijin that people like my boss put into their heads... To read the rest of her post and the responses, or to offer your own, visit us online at www.being-abroad.com/index.php/forums.

“My encyclopedia, my translator, my phone book, my best friend!”

—Western woman living in Japan

514–page book including everything you need to make the most out of your life: case studies of Western women working in almost 50 different types of jobs; anecdotes from many of the 200 Western women interviewed; profiles of 23 women’s organisations; and essential Japanese words and phrases. An essential book for any Western woman living in Japan. Read about: • Coping with culture shock. • Finding clothes and shoes that fit. • Avoiding hair disasters. • Cooking Japanese food. • Telling a chikan where to go. • Dating and the singles scene. • Organising contraception. • Getting married and divorced. • Adopting a baby. • Educating your child. • Finding a job. • Teaching gender studies in the Englishlanguage classroom. • Coping with reverse culture shock when you leave Japan.

Alexandra Press, 2001, ¥3,000 (inc. tax) To order email info@being-a-broad.com

You can pick BAB up at the following locations: Shibuya-ku: • British School Tokyo • Boudoir • Sin Den

• Krissman Tennis • PAL International School • ROTI Rop-

• Nua Japan

pongi • Paddy Foley’s • Asian Tigers • ai International School

Minato-ku: • Suji’s • Nakashima Dentist • TELL •

Meguro-ku: Montessori Friends Kichijoji: Shinzen Yoga Koto-ku: Toho Women’s Clinic Bunkyo-ku: Joy to the World International School Suginami-ku: JUN International School Chofu-shi: American School in Japan

Nishimachi International School • Gymboree • Global Kids Academy • Mitsubishi UFJ Azabujuban • Tokyo Surgical and Medical Clinic • National Azabu • Segafredo • Tokyo American Club • Nissin World Delicatessen • Crown Relocations • Temple University • Hulabootie

Yokohama: Treehouse Montessori • St. Maur Saitama: Columbia International School Nagoya: St. George Academy Tsukuba: Through BAB Rep Shaney Shonan: Through BAB Rep Kelsey Okinawa: Through BAB Rep Aiko (To contact your local BAB Rep for a copy, simply send them an email. All contact details are on page three.)

FEATURED COMMUNITY

GROUP: TWMC by Ginny Tapley Takemori

A non-hike trip: traditional aizome, or indigo dyeing.

Resting on the Setogaro hiking course in Iwaki.

WMC, or Tsukuba Walking and Mountaineering Club, has been active for over ten years now, offering residents and visitors the chance to explore Japan’s beautiful natural environment. We organise walks of all levels, from easy family hikes to alpine adventures. Participants are from all over the world, and it’s a great way to get to meet some interesting people. My first outing with the club was a stargazing walk, starting at around midnight and walking through the night. I was living in Tokyo at that time, and had been planning to join a couple of other hikes that ended up being cancelled due to bad weather. I found the idea of a night hike intriguing, but as I headed out along the dark expressway on a Tsukuba-bound bus I started to wonder, rather late in the day, about the wisdom of going somewhere I’d never been before to spend the night in the wilds of Ibaraki with people I’d never met before. My misgivings were not allayed upon arrival. This was before the advent of the Tsukuba Express, and there was literally nothing there: just a bus station and darkness. I spent a few minutes wondering what on earth I was doing there before the walk organisers, a cheerful and dynamic French-Ukrainian couple, arrived and drove me to the restaurant where we met the other hikers. I had found TWMC on the Internet while searching for information on hiking in Japan. I had come to Japan for work and was keen to get out into the mountains, but none of my friends—

either Japanese or foreign—seemed to share my enthusiasm for raw nature. Hiking for most people seemed to be a day’s outing, wandering around the temple complexes at Takaosan or Mitake. I found a few clubs based in Tokyo or surrounding areas, but TWMC appealed most because it seemed so friendly. The website had hike reports that were often hilarious to read, accompanied by pictures that showed all kinds of people from many countries (including Japan) and of all ages. They really looked as if they were having fun. And with all the hiking advice the website offered, they seemed to know what they were doing, too. And so I found myself in the middle of nowhere with a whole bunch of people in the dead of night slogging my way up and down the steep slopes of Wagakuni-san. Listening in on the conversations going on around me, I had no idea what they were talking about. Tsukuba is science city, and most of my fellow hikers were researchers—high energy physics, quantum mechanics, molecular biology, and goodness knows what else. I’m a literary translator and editor! Fortunately I found everyone friendly and willing to adjust to my level of conversational ability, and I enjoyed chatting away and joking as we slithered down one particularly steep, muddy slope clutching on to trees, and struggled up the final stretch to the summit. We missed sunrise, but still the early morning view was wonderful. By the time I arrived home, exhausted but happy, I was very glad that I’d gone along.

That was the only night hike I’ve ever been on, but I’ve since hiked regularly with the club in mountains from Tochigi to Nagano. The club has certainly had a profound effect on my life—I now live in Tsukuba with a guy I met that first night! And we are by no means the only couple the club has produced—there’s clearly something about sharing adventures in the mountains that brings people together! Everyone is welcome to join our hikes, although if you don’t live in Tsukuba it may not always be possible to accommodate you. Make sure you join our mailing list to receive all announcements for hikes and other events— all you have to do is contact the organiser for the walk you wish to join, and pay the club fee (¥500 for a day walk, ¥1,000 for two days or longer). Just one word of caution: we are not tour operators but a group of friends who enjoy hiking and offer the opportunity for others to join us. While hikes are led by experienced hikers who will do their utmost to ensure the wellbeing of all participants, we insist that all hikers assume responsibility for their own safety (so far we have not had any serious accidents in the club, and we hope that it will stay that way). And even if hiking isn’t really your thing, you’ll still be welcome at our weekly Wednesday night socials, end-of-year party, and summer barbecue! For more information or to join a hike or event, visit http://eve.bk.tsukuba.ac.jp/twmc. BAB

Advice for Renegades, A Tip From Anna: Resolution Revolution Let’s imagine, just hypothetically, that you have shopper’s remorse, extra Christmas pounds, and a bitch of a New Year’s hangover. So you vow to crank yourself up out of those bad habits by sheer force of will. Ready, set, go!…CRASH. If willpower were all it took, you’d already be doing those things. Until the payoff of the new behaviour becomes its own reward, try bribery. Something clicks in our brains when we do something for

four days in a row (see The Four-Day Win by Martha Beck). So the goal is to trick yourself by easing into the new behaviour so slowly and pleasurably that it never feels painful. Example: four days in a row, get out your yoga mat. Then, stop for the day and give yourself a treat. (Tea, nap, magazine, whatever.) On day five, add a stretch and another treat. Rinse, repeat, treat—voila!

All images provided by Ginny Tapley Takemori.

A view of Fujisan from one of the hikes.

Anna Kunnecke is a life coach living in Tokyo. www.annakunnecke.com

Being A Broad January 2010

KUNNECKE of Anna Kunnecke Inc, cover photography by Kerry Raftis

image: Kerry Raftis/www.keyshots.com

our cover girl

ANNA ELIZABETH

ike artists, entrepreneurs, and others who break the traditional Japanese societal mold, we are so L beyond the pale that we can try almost anything. Full name: Anna Elizabeth Kunnecke Age: 33 Nationality: American Grew up in: Tokyo and Indianapolis Time in Japan: Ten childhood years, six adult years. Japanese level: Like many international school graduates, I speak like a native but read and write like a lazy 12-year-old. Works at: I work for myself. I started a company (KK) to include all three strands of my work: I am a life coach, I write, and I do voice-overs. www. annakunnecke.com Why did you come to Japan? My parents moved here when I was five, so I had very little say that first time. But after college and several years in Philadelphia and Chicago, I came back to Japan under my own steam to be in a Japanese play…and fell back in love. Then I fell in love again, this time with a New Zealander also working in Tokyo, and now there are three generations of my family living here. Why do you stay in Japan? Tokyo is simply my favourite city on earth. I love the chaos, the energy, the fluidity, and the tiny pockets of green quiet. How do you manage to balance everything in your life? I shoot for joy, not perfection.

I have great childcare and use it without guilt. I don’t try to get much done in the evenings and on weekends. I beg, barter, or hire out everything I can; the rest I break down into tiny manageable bits. I schedule down-time, fun, and blank days into the calendar. I use David Allen’s system Getting Things Done to stay organised because my brain is like a sieve: I write everything down so that I can use my mind to think about things, not remember them. (Literally. I have cards on my fridge that remind me of what to do at different times of day: what goes in my daughter’s school bag, what I need to do before I leave the house, what happens before bed. “Oh yeah, brush my teeth…” Oh, how I wish I were exaggerating.) What do you do to relax? I love to read: novels, self-help, personal essays, blogs. I like to watch TV that makes me either laugh or cry. Best thing about being a foreign woman in Japan? Because we’ve already broken so many rules by simply being what we are, in one sense there are no rules. I find the impossibility of conforming to Japanese femininity very freeing. Like artists, entrepreneurs, and others who break the traditional Japanese societal mold, we are so beyond the pale that we can try BAB almost anything.

A Day in the Life: 7am: Theoretically, I wake up, do yoga, and journal. Then I meditate and reach nirvana. 8am: In actuality, this is when we usually fly out of bed in a groggy panic. We eat breakfast with our daughter, listen to music, and get ready for the day. 9am: My partner takes our daughter to preschool (hoikuen) on his way to work and quiet descends. I give the apartment a cursory tidy, check email, look at my schedule, and set priorities for the day and week. 10am to 12:30pm: I coach clients by phone and Skype. Sometimes our conversations are hilarious and exhilarating, sometimes very deep and quiet. We dream big dreams together, untangle truth from lies, tackle problems, and breathe through crises. Watching my clients blossom is absolutely delicious to my soul, and I get off the phone tired but elated. 1pm: I often meet a friend or colleague for lunch, but some days I munch a sandwich at home while reading a book. I try very hard not to work for this hour. 2pm: If I have a voice-over or narration job, I load up with water, gum, my iPod, and a book and head to the studio. If I’m working at home, I tackle the omnipresent list of things to do: some days I input expenses, send invoices, and file notes; other days I write blog posts, articles, or newsletters. Sometimes I devote a big chunk of time to a particular writing project or developing a workshop, but other times I just chip away at the tiny multitudinous tasks that are inevitably part of running a business and being a mother. 4pm: I wrap up, do one last email check, and go to pick up my daughter. I’ll stand in a daze at the supermarket for a while and end up grabbing something easy. 5pm: Daily bliss: the joyful reunion with my little girl. We head home to cook dinner together— she loves to ‘help’ in that special three-year-old way. We take things easy in the evenings, light candles, listen to music, do laundry, talk about the day, and watch shamelessly bad TV. 8pm: My partner gets home and we all sit down to dinner together. Then there’s a rush of bath time, PJs, stories, and we put the kiddo down to bed by 9:30pm. 10pm: I tidy up, do dishes, make my daily post at www.SitAtMyTable.com (my version of a gratitude journal), and fully intend to go to bed by 11pm. In reality…at 11:55pm I snap out of my blog-reading haze or book coma and decide that I really must go to bed…after just one more chapter.

WOMEN OF THE WORLD

compiled by Danielle Tate-Stratton image: iStockphoto.com/Robert Churchill

image: iStockphoto.com/Chris Price

Four British women who worked in the steel industry during WW2 recently visited Number 10 Downing Street to receive official recognition for the efforts of Sheffield’s Women of Steel: mothers, wives, and brave women who worked 12-hour shifts in steel factories during the war before being fired following the return of male workers to the home front. Some 120 of these women are still alive worldwide. A study from the University of Queensland in Australia has shown that girls who go through puberty early are more likely to be aggressive, take drugs, smoke, and steal than their peers who go through puberty later on, though the scientists aren’t sure what causes this link to appear.

The US army recently revoked a proposed change in policy that would subject anyone who either became pregnant or impregnated a soldier while in Iraq to a court-martial. While the army wants to keep its soldiers combat-ready for their entire 12-month mission, it has chosen not to make it legally damaging to become pregnant, recognising that the policy could cause women to skip out on potentially life-saving care.

image: Randy-Son-of-Robert

Amanda Simpson became the first openly transgender person to become a US presidential appointee when President Obama appointed her to a position at the Department of Commerce. She will be working as a senior technical advisor in the Bureau of Industry and Security. She was also the first openly transgender politician to win a primary vote in Arizona, later losing in the general election.

According to a recently released report by China’s Academy of Social Sciences, due to the country’s gender imbalance caused largely by families ensuring—either through ultrasound scanning or other means—that their child would be male, by 2020 some 24 million men will be unable to find wives, creating social and economic difficulties, especially in poorer areas. Canada’s foreign affairs department recently released a report on women in Afghanistan, stating that women are increasingly dealing with the difficulties in living in a country known for repression of, and violence against, women by committing suicide. In just one hospital based in a small, relatively peaceful town, some 80 women tried to take their lives through setting themselves on fire. image: iStockphoto.com/ Brian Butler

Eighty-one-year-old Mary Daly passed away in early January. Known as a “radical lesbian feminist theologian,” Daly spent over 30 years teaching at Boston College, and also studied philosophy. She was considered a revolutionary for her time.

Queensland’s The Courier-Mail recently reported that girls aged 10–14 living in Australia were responsible for a 44 percent increase in assaults last year, largely related to the explosion of socalled “girl fight” sites on the internet. Though the crimes committed are largely relatively violent, the article states that the judicial system is unlikely to levy a harsh sentence on the girls, with just 11 of 500 girls who appeared in court receiving jail time. By and large the girls received the equivalent of a slap on the wrist.

A team of scientists and doctors in Sweden has recently finished testing a prevention program that they say prevents the incidence of Anterior Cruciate Ligament tears in soccer-playing girls by 77 percent. Taking part in the program of stretching, strengthening, and injury prevention awareness was also shown to speed the recovery of the girls who suffered a knee injury as compared to those in the control group. At least 33 Iranian women, part of the Mourning Mothers group, were recently arrested as they peacefully protested in a park, wearing all black and congregating to make a public statement. Once 70 women entered the park, an anonymous witness says, security forces entered the park, chasing, insulting, and forcibly arresting the women.

image:mingjungkim

Mexico City recently became the first Latin American city to legally allow same-sex marriage, which gives members of those couples the legal right to adopt children, inherit wealth, and enjoy several other benefits.

The Korea Institute of Childcare spent several months in 2008 surveying over 2,000 families and found that, regardless of age or location, 37 percent of fathers said they would prefer to have a baby girl, as opposed to 29 percent saying they would rather have a baby boy. It was the first time such gender parity has been demonstrated in Korea, a traditionally patriarchal society. The survey also found that the ratio of boys to girls being born is returning to natural levels, after having reached a peak of 116.5 boys to every 100 girls in 1990.

Researcher Nicole Else-Quest from Villanova University in Pennsylvania led a team of researchers who recently reported that girls are equally good at math as boys, but that where they live can make a big difference in how well they perform. After analyzing the results of two studies carried out with 493,495 students aged 14 to 16 from 69 countries, the researchers found that girls in countries with higher levels of gender equity and where more women hold research roles are more likely to succeed than in countries where gender parity is less developed. American fashion magazine V is making waves in the fashion world by planning to show curvy, so-called real women in their February issue. The swimsuit-clad models in the centre pages show off their natural curves, love handles, and imperfect yet still beautiful bodies—as the creative director has been quoted as saying, “Big, little, pint size, BAB plus size — everybody is beautiful…” Being A Broad January 2010

THE LITTLE THINGS

WE LOVE IN JAPAN

a. I was shopping at the local AMPM and found this gem: a KitKat Mug set. Included items: regularly flavoured KitKat bar, Nescafe (Cafe Ole powder mix), and a nice red glass KitKat mug. It’s somehow related to Jyu-kensei, which is something that you give to friends who are starting school (high school, university, etc). On the back of the KitKat bar, there’s even a place to write a ganbare! note to your friend. When I saw this on the shelf at the conbini, I had to ask the attendant if in fact it was priced right. ¥200 for the set? What a crazy deal! I bought one and it’s sitting next to my PC at work. I’m saving it for a rainy day (because I don’t have any friends starting school). I think this is a cool way to encourage friends on new a chapter in their life, and at a pretty decent price!—JC

c. I love and terribly miss Fuku Fuku in Hayama! I was introduced to this small local sushi restaurant by Japanese friends and went there three times in one month prior to leaving Japan. Had I known about this place sooner, I would have been a regular patron. Their sushi is so fresh and literally melts in your mouth! They have great lunch specials, awesome nigri plates, and friendly staff. I recommend taking a friend who speaks Japanese because they don’t have an English menu. The restaurant is about five minute cab ride from ShinZushi station and about a twenty minute walk. www.hayama-fukufuku.com—AD

Get involved: BAB Survey Please take two minutes (literally!) to complete our online member survey here: www.surveymonkey.com/s/G2F6FDC. There are 30 simple questions and you can enter a draw to win all sorts of fun prizes from our sponsors. Prizes include a fantastic manicure and

d. I love pens and pencils—in a big way—which is why I love the Faber-Castell shop at Tokyo Midtown. It might not be the cheapest way to pick up a new pencil, but the quality is fabulous, and their coloured pencils are rich and vibrant. It’s also a great place to pick something up for anyone in your life who enjoys journalling or just the use of a really lovely pen. www.tokyo-midtown. com/en/shop/212/index.html—DTS

pedicure from Boudoir, a luxurious hair treatment from Sin Den, vouchers from the Meat Guy, cooking lessons with You Can Cook, and an incredible interview and portrait session with artist Lynn Matsuoka. Thanks so much for taking the time to complete it!

b. I love horses and miss my own when I’m living in Tokyo, which is why I was so happy to stumble upon Baji Koen in Setagaya-ku. Used in the 1964 Tokyo Olympics, this surprisingly big complex features several rings, a cross-country course, track, JRA office, small snack bar, and plenty of trails and nonhorse-related green spaces and playgrounds, plus dozens of boarded horses. As far as I know, there’s no public riding here, but there are plenty of highlevel competitions free to spectators, and when you really need a bit of ‘horse’ in your life, this is a great place to get it. Kids will also enjoy the monthly ‘meet the horse’ events held on regular Sundays. For more information: http://japanracing.jp/ organization/park.html.—LW e. I love Priya Indian restaurant in Hiroo. As I was exploring all the little shops in the area hunger got the best of me and I looked up and saw Priya. They have delicious and inexpensive lunch specials, many vegetarian dishes, tandori BBQ, and dinner sets! The dal curry is amazing and spicy to my liking! The owner Byomkesh makes sure you are receiving the best service. Priya is open for lunch and dinner and the white table cloths give it an elegant and sophisticated feeling. Off to do more shopping and wandering in Hiroo! http://priyajapan.tripod. com.—LM

Do you have a little thing you love in Japan? If you know of a product, place, restaurant, event, or service that our readers would love, please let us know! Send an email with 50–150 words describing your item and a photo, if possible, to editor@being-a-broad.com and we’ll use your suggestions in a future issue of the magazine.

WHAT WE FORGET by Gabbi Bradshaw

Image OiMax.

“My girlfriends and I decided to not only have a party to forget the bad crap of 2009, but to do it in style, a Tokyo Bay cruise.”

onenkai means ‘year forgetting,’ a Japanese concept I rather like. Not only for the freeflowing beeru, but also the idea. Forget what you didn’t like and remember what you did. A whole year’s worth. It’s better than a genie. My girlfriends and I decided to not only have a party to forget the bad crap of 2009, but to do it in style, a Tokyo Bay cruise. Lizzie, the one who is fluent in Japanese, scanned the web for the best match for what we wanted and chose one that promised a “modern boat, with a sunken kotatsu and an observatory deck on the roof. Coloured with deep red and gold, this authentic Japanesestyle covered pleasure boat is popular.” I explored the website a bit more and was blasted with images of Geisha girls, Western balding men, and something that looked like a straw hula hoop. I was a bit freaked out, thinking this would be yet another opportunity for legalised prostitution. But in the spirit of bonenkai I soon forgot, as it also promised to anchor for two hours so my best girlfriends and I could ‘year forget.’ Almost symbolic of our own journey of forgetting and remembering, the crisp winter chilled air was refreshing and the twinkly start auspicious. We slipped off our shoes, padded across the tatami mats, plopped around the table with the most beeru, and waited for departure. The other tables luckily remained empty, and we joked that nobody would want to be around gaijin girls. Having the boat to ourselves was one of the few benefits of being a gaijin girl in Tokyo. Beeru of the Kirin kind flowed freely, and we followed the tradition of not letting our friend’s glasses go dry. We topped off our glasses and nibbled on pumpkin tempura, sashimi, sushi, and crab. After the chatting lulled a bit, I raised my glass. “Kampai!” Glasses clinked and cheers spread around the table. “In the tradition of ‘year forgetting,’ let’s drink to the bad men, decisions, and crap that happened in 2009.” Laughter and cheers rocked the boat. Kallie yelled, “I want to forget about what people think.”

“My hair falling out from thinking I could dye it myself, then fixing it, and then eventually going to a salon to have it stripped and dyed all over again. My ¥1,000 dye job turned into over ¥20,000, and look, I’m going bald!” We all look at Maggie’s scalp and reassure for the millionth time that she is not going bald. “Jason’s late drunken nights. And when his bloody buddies got arrested in Roppongi, lost my key, and their belts. A bit suspect if you ask me.” We nod our heads in sympathy. It’s been a rough year for Sal. “But worse than Jason’s 4am nights

“What do we want to remember?” I venture. “Running the Pink 10k run…without stopping,” cheers Gina. “My mom reaching the top of her career after being told her whole life that she wasn’t good enough. And to all of us women who are doing the same,” Sal raises her glass and we cheer. “Getting closer to my boyfriend by letting him meet my crazy family. And learning a bit more Japanese,” Maggie adds. “And I remember you ditching me to have dinner with his father after we had plans for

and hideous buddies is the greed that brought down the global financial world. It seems the human race still hasn’t learned anything.” “What about you, Gabbi? What do you want to forget?” All eyes focus on me. I shift uncomfortably raise my beer glass and hiccup, “I’ve already forgotten.” Jenni rescues me and says, “It’s easy to forget. We’re getting old.” More laughter. What do I want to forget? The hideous outfits I see on the train. The toxic people I have to deal with. The night I cried in the cab. My dad having emergency surgery the day before I went back to Tokyo. My best friend’s battle with bipolar. The first Fourth of July without my grandma. Christopher. Wait, maybe he is something to be remembered? Jenni flashes a smile, “I want to forget my poor ivory cashmere dress that was ruined by Gabbi’s grace and pinot noir.” “I told you I was sorry. Let’s bring it outside.” We grab a couple of bottles of Kirin and head upstairs to the observation deck. The sky is infinite and reminds me of Star Wars. Cuddled together we ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over the Ferris wheel we’ve all seen a million times at Odaiba. Sal and Maggie snap photos of the Rainbow Bridge, and Jenni takes her 240th photo of the night.

weeks,” I chide. She does her cute little sneer and then laughs out loud. Maggie has been so positive lately that I think she’s a reformed pessimist. Jenni pipes in, “I want to remember to not take things for granted. Like my health and job.” “And each other!” adds Lizzie. “I want to remember making it up the 179 stairs of the campanile with my nephew even though I was crazy dizzy from the height. And the unbreakable, unpredictable hugs from my niece,” I say. “And my trip to Bali with my baby sisters. And my grandma.” “And Christopher,” Maggie adds with a knowing glance. “Well, he may end up on the something to forget list in 2010 but for now I want to remember meeting him,” I concede. “I want to remember the lessons learned from the Eckhart Tolle podcasts. To be more in the present. Does that sound corny?” wonders Kallie. “What about you, Allie?” I ask. In one week, Allie is moving to London. Tearing up she says, “All night I’ve been trying to remember what I tried to forget about Japan for the last four years. I’m too nostalgic.” Immediately, we wrap our arms around her. “Girlfriends. That’s what I will remember.” BAB

Tokyo girl

REMEMBERING

lmost symbolic of our own journey of forgetting and remembering, the crisp winter chilled air was A refreshing and the twinkly start auspicious.

Being A Broad January 2010

BAB event

BAB & 37 FRAMES PIX{NIC} IN THE PARK A

perfect fall day was spent with the broads for the recent BAB & 37 Frames Pix{nic} in the Park. A golden carpet of ginko leaves was our playground in Yoyogi Park on November 29, 2009, as BAB gals from around the world with babies, kids, and gorgeous pets in tow mingled, made new friends, picnicked, hurled leaves, and had mini photo sessions with Dee and Tracey. It was a beautifully relaxed and special day, documented in dreamy fall colours with similar events being planned for the future. Here are some highlights...more photos plus a rockstar BAB slideshow are up on the 37 Frames site, www.37framesphotography. com, and on the 37 Frames blog, which can be found through the main 37 Frames site.

BAB event 11

Being A Broad January 2010

IN THE CITY by Shana Graves

ating, in and of itself, can be quite complicated and tiring, and when there is enough drama involved it very closely resembles a reality TV show like Survivor. Everyone in the dating scene has different motives, strategies, ethics, and rules that they play by and you realise just how diverse the game and its players really are when you start playing away from home. Being a single female in a large city is a difficult enough, so when that city is in a country that doesn’t speak your love language (figuratively or literally) it makes for an even bigger challenge to overcome. Unless you’ve somehow managed to become as fabulous as Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda and have dates lined up every other night, or are at least meeting potential suitors, a typical Saturday in Tokyo might look a little bit like this: Wake up late, grab brunch with a few friends, do some shopping, go back home and tidy up around the house, figure out what to have for supper, have supper and/or drinks with girlfriends, head home, and cuddle up with a good book or movie. Or, if you’re anything like me you’ll take that solitary opportunity to get long overdue work projects done. Unless your friends have a habit of setting you up on blind dates with their husband’s friends, it’s difficult to meet

One of Heart Mark’s cupids could set you up on a first date with ‘the one.’ Image: iStockphoto.com/Carmen Martínez Banús.

love & dating

LOOKING FOR LOVE

from other Japanese matchmaking companies by being the only fully bilingual company in Tokyo and by blending matchmaking processes with a headhunting approach. The matchmakers at HeartMark essentially act as your own personal cupids, searching for the best possible candidates while offering you continued support. And let’s be honest, you need as much support as you can get when you’ve immersed yourself in the dating scene, especially in a foreign country. One of the advantages of HeartMark is the

hether you’re new to the dating scene, new to Japan, or are simply tired of dating unmotivated W men with no goals or dreams, this is where your efforts end and Heart Marks take over.

single date-worthy men in a large city where the majority of everyone’s time and energy is placed on their careers. So when you’re a busy foreign woman, how is it that you go about meeting men? Friends of friends? Speed dating? Online? Bars or host clubs? Maybe you’re like me and have tried most of these things (or thought about trying them) and the results have been, well, less than favourable, or maybe you just don’t have the time to go out looking for dates. I personally only know of one love story that has come out of any of the above. I’m sure there are more, but the odds aren’t in our favour. Regardless, whichever situation you find yourself in, whether you’re new to the dating scene, new to Japan, or are simply tired of dating unmotivated men with no goals or dreams, this is where your efforts end and HeartMark’s take over. Although HeartMark is a matchmaking service in the literal sense, its approach and process differ greatly from similar companies. Established in 2009, HeartMark is well on its way to proving itself a valuable asset within the dating scene, with several successful matches already under its belt. According to founder and CEO, Marc Maeda, HeartMark sets itself apart

relationship that you inevitably develop with your matchmaker. Maeda says that a relationship with your matchmaker is an important component of the matchmaking process. This relationship enables you to trust in their judgement and thus be more willing to meet with potential mates. Many of the clients (aka your future dates) are internationally educated businesspeople who are simply too busy to make even a ripple in the dating pool, so unlike online dating you already generally know what type of people you will be meeting. Not only that but you don’t have to worry about how terrible your Japanese is because many of them also speak English. The HeartMark process first begins with a free consultation with one of the many matchmakers, and during this meeting you will learn more about the company, allowing you to be fully informed before making a final decision on whether or not to join the service. After joining, a personal interview will be conducted that includes questions about yourself and what you look for in a potential mate as well as more atypical but meaningful questions such as your passions, life goals, and things you can’t live without. Your matchmaker will also ask you to be up front and honest about

your last relationship and what you expect from a new relationship. Although these questions seem very personal, it’s a gradual process. By the time your matchmaker gets to these questions, you are already comfortable enough with him or her to be forthcoming with your answers. If you’re serious about finding someone special, you’re going to have to be honest with yourself and your matchmaker anyway. Following the interview, you may wait up to two or three weeks while your matchmaker searches for potential candidates. It may seem like a long time, but as they say, “the best things come to those who wait,” and “patience is a virtue.” This slightly longer process is in place to ensure that you are only introduced to the best possible matches for your own personal needs and wants and, of course, lifestyle. Initial contact with you is by phone to set up a date if you are interested. Not only will your matchmaker set the date, he or she will also offer advice; this is particularly useful for those new to matchmaking services. In obeying client confidentiality, matchmakers will only provide you with your date’s first name and it’s up to the two of you whether or not you want to exchange other information such as family names and phone numbers. After the initial contact from your matchmaker, you can expect to be contacted quite frequently and you will have the opportunity to meet at least two potential mates per month. I would say that the odds of finding a special someone, if not the special someone, are in your favour. Not many people can say that they meet even one person per month that they would consider dating. You’ve wowed the business world, now it’s time to wow the dating world. For more information on HeartMark or to schedule a free consultation, visit www. heartmark.co.jp. It’s worth a try. Who knows, maybe you will BAB be the next one to find love in Japan!

WORKOUT

by Louise George Kittaka

learning

CREATIVE Larry and Kristin with workshop participants.

person in the class at the beginning, by the end of the evening our group had developed the sort of rapport that is seldom reached in just a few short hours. Although the atmosphere during the class was relaxed and informal, Larry points out that Creative Fitness workshops can have potentially life-changing results. “Our goal is to provide opportunities for people to take risks, be curious, explore, and cultivate their creative instincts, because without those we are not living life to its

people in all walks of life how to get back in touch with the natural creativity everyone has as children,” Kristin explains. When I first heard about the workshop, I was both intrigued and a little anxious. I am not exactly good at sports of any kind, and I had envisaged us all sitting on exercise mats and being coached through a series of wacky poses to get our creative juices flowing. What a relief to find out that it was only our brains we would be stretching! During the first workshop, Kristin and Larry used a variety of techniques to gently coax participants out of our comfort zones, challenging us to look at things in new and often surprising ways. These ranged from the familiar (mind maps) to the completely unexpected (paper clips), but it was always served up with a healthy dose of humour and plenty of chances for interaction between the facilitators and the class. As an editor, writer, and a mother of three, I consider myself a fairly creative person. However, throughout the course of the evening, I learned that the biggest limitations to creativity are actually self-imposed! The participants covered a wide age range and included educators, consultants, administrators, and writers. Although I only knew one other

fullest potential. Also, whether we like it or not, our future as a species is closely connected to our ability to find creative and sustainable solutions to the myriad of problems it faces. We are achieving something important but doing it in an enjoyable, fun, and engaging way.” After the class, Kristin shared her personal story of how she started out on the path that led to where she is today. “Which do you want, the long version or the condensed one?” she laughs. Kristin began her artistic career as an apprentice at a glass studio while also attending classes at the University of California. An introduction through friends led to an invitation to work at a ceramics studio in Kamakura for a year. An enthusiastic Kristin lost no time in packing her bags, but it wasn’t quite what she envisaged. “The reality was sharing a primitive house behind the studio with an 80-year-old man and his five cats, and acquiring a vocabulary that included gokiburi (cockroach), mukade (centipede), kumo (spider), and hebi (snake)!” she recalls. “But Japanese aesthetics won out over all discomforts and somehow I’m still here 29 years later.” Kristin reveals that she “is a strong believer in synchronicity,” so it should come as no surprise that in the very same week in 1986, she

image: Louise George Kittaka

nyone passing the Omotesando classroom on a recent evening might have wondered what they had stumbled upon: a roomful of adults gleefully twisting and tearing up sheets of paper with wild abandon! Under the guidance of Larry Purdy, one of the workshop facilitators, we were getting back in touch with our inner oneyear-olds during the inaugural workshop by the Creative Fitness Group—Sailing Through the Doors of Perception. Larry and business partner Kristin Newton are now offering regular sessions to help both individuals and businesses tap into the endless creative possibilities of that most important of muscles—the mind. Kristin’s name will probably be familiar to many readers. She is the driving force behind the popular Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain classes in Tokyo, which have helped thousands of people unlock their artistic creativity. With over 25 years as an educator in the academic and corporate worlds, Larry knows what makes people tick. After meeting through one of Kristin’s art workshops, the two discovered a common interest in helping people develop their potential, which eventually led to the establishment of the Creative Fitness Group. “Larry and I are combining our years of experience to teach

hroughout the course of the evening I learned that the biggest limitations to creativity are T actually self-imposed!

encountered the teachings of two mentors who would have a huge influence on her future. One of these was Dr. Georgi Lozanov, a Bulgarian who developed a method to learn three to five times faster than normal by utilising the untapped capacities of the brain. The other was Dr. Betty Edwards, author of Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. After taking many classes with these mentors, Kristin became certified in both methods. “They dovetail completely to create an optimum way to learn joyfully and deeply. My life went in a completely unexpected direction!” Kristin spent several more years working primarily as a glass artist, getting many commissions from Japan, Hong Kong, and the US. However, in 1993 she shifted gears and began teaching Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain workshops in Japan, thus combining her love for art and her passion for helping people tap into their hidden potential. Kristin sees her collaboration with Larry as a natural extension of her work to date, and is excited about the opportunity to explore creative solutions with both private and corporate clients. “We had it; how did we lose it? When we were kids at play, we attacked every challenge with joy and enthusiasm. In fact, our unlimited creative abilities aren’t lost; we just learned to suppress them. Now it’s time to reawaken that creative spirit with a mental workout with our Creative Fitness team. Once you are back in shape, you can apply your skills to tackle problems at work or begin a journey of self-discovery,” says Kristin. Initially, the Creative Fitness Group will be holding monthly sessions, with each workshop exploring a different aspect of creativity. Areas will include drawing, storytelling, music, and drama, challenging participants to flex their creative muscles in a variety of areas. Workshops may be taken individually or as a series. For more information, check out the website: www. BAB thecreativefitnessgroup.com. Being A Broad January 2010

working

WE PROFILE:

MANDY KITCHENER of Tomita High School

Full name: Mandy Kitchener Nationality: British Qualifications: B.Sc. with honours in psychology and philosophy. TEFL training and seven years teaching experience. Job title: English instructor Employer: Tomita High School Salary: ¥ 360,000 per month Time in this job: two years Job description: My job differs from most English teaching positions because I’m not an ALT (assistant language teacher) and I have both the luxury and challenge of creating and implementing my own curriculum. I teach mostly conversational English, by myself, to classes of up to 36 teenagers with no shoes on in a large carpeted room. I love it. I love my kids and I love having the freedom to focus on what I want. It’s tiring sometimes to make a program or run a class that I’m happy with, but, for instance, when a student tells me they are no longer uncomfortable seeing gay people because of a report on prejudice we have just completed, it makes it all worthwhile. My school has an international course with three grades of [high school] students focusing primarily on English and International society. I teach the first and third grade of the international

one, you need to be patient, enthusiastic, and approachable. All over the world, teenagers have the same difficulties. They struggle with self esteem, acceptance, and balancing their responsibilities. So one of the main concerns of teachers is to be a good role model especially when there are 36 pairs of eyes watching your every move. Learning not only from what you say, but how you say it. It quickly becomes apparent that the students see everything and are consistently interested in everything about you. Be it what you’re wearing, what you think about the Chunichi Dragons, or where you were going last night when they bumped into you near the supermarket. Japanese requirement: As a solo teacher, I need to have a fairly good grasp of Japanese, particularly classroom instruction. I do, however, teach in an English immersion environment and use Japanese as little as possible with students to maximise absorption. I use English when I converse with other English teachers and Japanese with my other colleagues. How she found this job: It found me! I had already handed in my notice at a small English conversation school and was planning on taking a few months out to travel. The plan was to get a job the following April at a high school in the local area, either through an agency or privately.

course every day. The entire second grade is currently learning how to be teenagers of a different sort in New Zealand. A whole year without cram schools, constant kanji tests, or teachers and parents breathing down their necks to study harder. Needless to say, they come back after the year happy, relaxed, and making plans of how to live overseas again. We also have a number of exchange students from various countries. They come to study Japanese and they stay anywhere from two weeks to a year. At the moment we have students from Finland, France, and Australia. So, in the first grade of high school I teach them ways to communicate with their future peers, host families, and teachers. In the third grade, however, because they are all pretty fluent in English, we can focus on all sorts of interesting topics; health, psychology, social, and environmental issues. Assessments are spoken word or project-based. It varies from giving presentations, doing a performance, or presenting written work. General requirements: A degree in any subject, a teaching cert, and teaching experience. To be any kind of teacher, especially a good

Literally two days after I handed my notice in, I get a call from a friend of a friend offering me a position at the high school he was about to leave. It was exactly what I wanted, so I took it. Best thing: My students! My students are amazing. Teenagers with hearts like children. Japanese high school students seem to be able to keep a playfulness from their early years that their British counterparts appear to be in a hurry to lose. Spending time around the energy and bustle of 1,000 young people, still heavily infused with a desire to have fun and enjoy themselves as much as possible is never a bad way to spend a day and it is certainly never a boring one. Working with so many different types of people every day gives me an invaluable peek into Japanese culture. I am able to really see and be part of a small segment of Japanese society. Worst thing: The most boring thing would have to be the staff meetings. They go on for hours. I occasionally like to look around and see how many people are asleep at any given moment. At one point, no lie, I counted seven. It seems to be totally acceptable to drop off for a minute when your boss is addressing the faculty.

t is, at the same time, the hardest and most satisfying job I have ever had. I now have a generous if somewhat Ibelated respect for all my previous educators!

“My students are amazing. Teenagers with hearts like children.”

Once, when a young teacher was called upon to speak it was glaringly obvious that she had just woken up. The entire room laughed gently as she rubbed her eyes and we all waited patiently for her to collect herself. The students occasionally complain and sometimes cry. Sometimes the teachers have had more than enough. But mostly we try to support and motivate each other and just simply do our best with what we have. Issues affecting her as a woman: I can’t really say that I personally have any issues in my job as a woman. I feel like a valued member of staff. Most of my colleagues are extremely polite and respectful. I’m aware that one stereotype or cultural expectation in Japan is for a woman to get into the staff room first in the mornings to boil the water for tea and heat the room. But in my small staff room, an ambitious, hard-working young man who is aiming for promotion does it. He is also the last to leave at the end of the day. Unfortunately, only two out of the top twelve positions at the school are filled by women. So I’m looking forward to seeing more women in highranking positions in education in the future. Advice: My advice to aspiring teachers is to get some teaching experience, even if it is voluntary or part time, network, and keep an eye on the net for job opportunities. My advice to teachers is to enjoy what you do! It is sometimes hard to be energetic and patient with students who are not so interested in learning, but your hard work pays off in ways that sometimes you are not aware of. It is, at the same time, the hardest and most satisfying job I have ever had. I now have a generous if somewhat belated respect for all my BAB previous educators!

MENTOR PROGRAM

by Helen Kaiho

“I hope that Emily found our meeting of some value, as I certainly feel honoured to have been given the chance to help her.”

Having your first baby is tough under any circumstances. Being away from your family and friends, in a country where you may not even speak the language, adds to these difficulties tenfold. The TMG volunteer mentors aim to make the settling-in and adjustment process a bit easier for newcomers to motherhood or Tokyo (or both!) by sharing their knowledge and experience of everyday life in Tokyo as mothers. The Mentor Program provides new mothers with a helpful contact to help answer all the questions they might have, or at least to point them in the right direction. Through the Mentor Program, existing TMG volunteer members meet, support, and encourage new members in a more personalised way. Support can be provided face to face, over the phone, and by email. There are also Japanese-speaking mentors who can provide language support, including accompanying new mothers to the local supermarket or baby store to help decipher those labels! It was with this in mind that I volunteered for the program, remembering how I had struggled after the birth of my first daughter to find the information that I required. Everything was a challenge; not only the day-to-day care of my baby, but the logistics of getting out and about with a new baby and a buggy were a nightmare. I had to rely on my husband to translate all of

but felt the same frustrations at not being able to speak the language well enough ourselves and having to rely on our husbands all too often in our children’s day-to-day upbringing. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had actually acquired a great deal of knowledge about everyday living and the childcare system in Japan. I was able to help explain about the immunisation schedules, the local government financial subsidies, and the facilities available here in Tokyo for mothers, such as jidokan or family support centres. I was able to link Emily up with an English-speaking playgroup that meets in northeast Tokyo, of which I am myself a member, and we met the next day to go to Tokyo Mothers Group’s playgroup meeting together. I hope that Emily found our meeting of some value, as I certainly feel honoured to have been given the chance to help her. Anyone can request the help of a TMG mentor through the Tokyo Mothers Group website, or indeed join the group and volunteer themselves. With the number of TMG members now reaching over 600, there must be many opportunities to make these connections possible. If you are interested in finding out more about Tokyo Mothers Group and their Mentor Program, please visit the website at www. BAB tokyomothersgroup.com.

image: provided by Helen Kaiho.

from the group, but to make this support more personal. New mothers could directly request the support of a peer who would meet them in person and help as best they could, providing support, council, advice, local information, or Japanese language support. New members to the group could request a mentor by emailing the coordinators directly through the TMG website.

the papers from the hospital; the government public health forms regarding my daughter’s immunisations were a minefield, and I felt useless and alone. Then I started to find out, little by little, about the English-language support groups available to new mothers in Tokyo. First La Leche League, the fantastic breast-feeding support group, and later Tokyo Mothers Group. Finding other mothers who were in the same boat, and receiving advice from seasoned Tokyo-ite mothers was a godsend. If I could save another new mom from experiencing some of these frustrations that I had felt, and pass on a bit of my experience, then I could really feel I had given something back to all those mothers who had helped and supported me when I was a new mom. When I arrived on Emily’s doorstep I was at first surprised to find that we had actually met before. We had both attended a meeting of the Tokyo Pregnancy Group months earlier. I was struck by how effective these support groups are in linking people up and helping mothers to meet each other and make new friends. Relaxing over a cup of coffee we chatted about our new arrivals and talked about our experiences of giving birth in Japan. Both of us are married to Japanese men,

have to admit that it was with slight trepidation that I made my way to the first meeting in my role as a mentor for Tokyo Mothers Group (TMG). It was late May 2009 and I had only recently given birth to my second daughter weeks before. Once again, my world had been turned upside down, in the nicest possible way, by the new addition to my family. When I was contacted by Steph, a coordinator for TMG and its Mentor Program, saying that they had received an enquiry from a new mom who just happened to live in my end of the woods in northeast Tokyo, I almost had a change of heart. I mean, I could barely manage to get myself showered and out of my pajamas before noon. Who was I to give advice on the subject of motherhood? However, Steph assured me that it was my very experience of having a child in Tokyo and my firsthand understanding of the struggles and difficulties as well as the joy that it brings that was enough to qualify me to mentor another new mom. So, brushing aside my own insecurities and worries that I would never live up to that Obi-Wan Kenobiesque mantle, I headed out to meet Emily and her six-week-old son, Aidan. The Tokyo Mothers Group Mentor Program was the brainchild of ex-member Geraldine, who has since returned home to the UK. She had felt isolated and overwhelmed when she had to leave her hometown in the UK and move to Japan, a country where she didn’t speak the language, with her baby daughter in tow. She stumbled across Tokyo Mothers Group whilst searching for support groups for English-speaking moms on the internet and went on to become a coordinator for the group. Meeting other mothers from the group provided her with a wealth of local knowledge, whether it be the best English-speaking pediatric clinics or the best places to buy baby products. Her idea for the Mentor Program was for it to be an extension of the help she received

parenting

TOKYO MOTHERS GROUP

I could save another new mom from experiencing of these frustrations...then I could really feel I Ihadfsome given something back...

Being A Broad January 2010

parenting

APPARENT COMPETENCE

CRAIG MORREY’S STORY, PART 1 by Craig Morrey

Spencer and Amelia at a rare meeting. Image provided by Craig Morrey.

Craig Morrey’s story is one that is both totally unique yet could happen to anyone, which is why we wanted to share it with our readers. He tells his story on this page, and Nikki Tate fills in the details opposite.

hirteen years ago I came to Japan for a oneyear post-doctoral fellowship and life experience. To quote someone else with short-term plans prolonged indefinitely: “Mission Accomplished.” In my case though, I actually finished the fellowship. Unfortunately, ‘morass’ accurately describes my current circumstances. While nobody enjoys rough patches, I have learned many things in the past few years. First, life is what you make of it. Second, helping others is one of the healthiest coping mechanisms. Third, my graduate advisor was right—inaction and unshared knowledge really is a step below ignorance. Consequently, I am sharing my experiences so others can hopefully avoid similar predicaments. My son Spencer suffered catastrophic brain damage during delivery. As a result, he has severe cerebral palsy and requires care 24 hours a day, mainly due to his inability to swallow. There are few facilities and little professional support for medically fragile children or their families in our area. Counselling was never offered or recommended. In fact, the city hospital where Spencer was born has no psychiatric department. My wife’s parents lived nearby after moving from Brazil, but offered no assistance with Spencer’s care. Needless to say, my wife and I made the best of a difficult situation ourselves. Apparent competence, a term typically associated with borderline personalities, refers to outwardly seeming to cope while inwardly being completely lost. It also applies to traumatic stress (eg. a difficult birth or disabled child) and professional abilities. Tatemae/honne (public/private face) is the closest Japanese equivalent. Apparent competence is particularly insidious as it is seldom acknowledged by the individual or recognised by others until a major, often irreversible, crisis—if at all. For the second time, one of life’s most joyous events became a crisis filled with heartache. While five months pregnant with our daughter Amelia, my wife left Spencer and me to live with her parents. Despite similar emotional instability during both pregnancies, completely understandable fears stemming from Spencer’s birth, and the challenges of raising a disabled child with little outside help, my wife attributed her decision to leave solely to irreconcilable differences. She would not consider hormonal influences or other obvious stresses and vehemently refused counselling of any kind. She also stopped caring for Spencer completely. Pleas to her family resulted in accusations of relying on science (my doctorate in reproductive physiology with an emphasis on estrogen and

behaviour notwithstanding) and “manipulative logical attacks.” Rather than acknowledging a serious problem, her family’s ‘support’ (denial) validated my wife’s actions. They compounded the problem by theorising Spencer’s condition resulted from stress and “disharmony between our spirits” during pregnancy. Seemingly convinced that our daughter was endangered if we stayed together, my wife insisted on a divorce before giving birth, agreeing to give me custody of both children to get my consent. Surprisingly, three female OB-GYNs, all of whom knew the situation, provided little assistance. The first simply took my wife’s word that everything was fine. After the second suggested a precautionary evaluation, my wife never went back. The third suspected a personality disorder, but did nothing as my wife seemed adequately concerned about a healthy pregnancy. Apparently, abandonment of an older sibling, a classic symptom of peri-natal mental health issues, is not sufficient cause to require a psychiatric consult unless specifically requested by the last person who would ask. “For our own good, it’s best if we don’t see each other so that you don’t get affection,” was the message I received after my daughter was born—no date of birth, no time, no name, nothing. After having hospital security deny me access to my daughter, my wife and her family cut off all contact. To presumably avoid any future interactions, she omitted the father’s information on my daughter’s Brazilian birth certificate (Brazilian and US law requires both parents’ signatures for passports, etc. regardless of marital status). Her brothers acted as witnesses in lieu of the required Japanese certificate naming me as the father. They all face criminal charges (falsifying public documents) and imprisonment in Brazil. My wife is facing additional abandonment charges. Justifiably concerned for my daughter’s (and wife’s) welfare and unwilling to be permanently cut out of her life, I filed for custody in the Okazaki Family Court in October, 2008. Shortly thereafter, my wife fled to her grandmother’s house in Yamaguchi prefecture with her parents and Amelia. The Okazaki judge ruled to change jurisdiction,

requiring Spencer and me to travel several hundred kilometres for court proceedings and delaying the case for six months. Apparently, a medically fragile child is not a sufficiently extenuating circumstance to warrant retaining jurisdiction. Seven months after her birth, we finally saw Amelia for the first time on March 31, 2009—15 minutes in a courtroom surrounded by strangers. After two sessions mediated by individuals with no relevant training or professional experience, we met with the judge on July 7, 2009. By his own admission, the judge considers my wife’s lack of concern for Spencer and general uncooperativeness to be “not normal.” He has not required a psychological evaluation, counselling, or removed my daughter from her care. When both parents are foreign, Japanese law requires custody issues be determined according to the laws of the child’s nationality. Despite indisputable evidence (sworn statements by my wife), knowledge of the Brazilian penal code, and well-defined, mandatory sentences that should automatically result in my gaining guardianship of my daughter from Brazilian courts eventually, the judge is inexplicably reluctant to rule on these grounds now. While everyone agrees that Spencer would have much better care Stateside and knows the lack of similar support here prevents me from working, we are legally unable to leave Japan without a court order or permission from my wife—neither of which is forthcoming. Ironically, I would be guilty of parental abduction. We would also likely never see Amelia again. Apparently, “not normal” maternal behaviour, violation of laws protecting children’s rights, access to superior medical support, and the ability to earn a living are relatively insignificant factors when determining the “best interest of the children,” at least within a reasonable time frame. Fully expecting his decision to be appealed, the judge assured me he would rule in December—fifteen months after the process began. He didn’t. Whenever I lecture, I like to leave the audience with a simple take-home message. Today’s BAB message: “Beware apparent competence.”

A HARD PLACE (PART 2)

Image: Daisuke Wakai of bCD.

by Nikki Tate

Craig and Spencer.

raig Morrey’s story reads like something Franz Kafka might have dreamed up on a bad day. Caught in a legal and moral Catch 22, if Morrey leaves Japan without his wife’s consent (or a court order) and travels to the US to seek better medical care for Spencer, his severely disabled son, he technically breaks both Brazilian and American international kidnapping and abduction laws. Leaving the country also leaves him vulnerable to the accusation of abandoning his younger daughter, Amelia, currently in the care of her mother. Practically speaking, once he leaves Japan it becomes impossible to build a relationship with his daughter or find a way to involve Amelia and his estranged wife in his son’s life. In an interview with CNN Morrey said, “I think she [Amelia] deserves my love. And I think she deserves to be with Spencer and Spencer deserves to be with her.” Despite compelling circumstances, the Japanese courts have been dragging their heels when it comes to ruling in favour of granting Morrey custodial access to both his children. Traditionally, Japanese civil law awards sole custody of children to one parent, in the vast majority of cases, the mother. Though arrangements (sometimes mediated, sometimes mutually agreed upon by cooperative parents) can be made for joint custody, when it comes to less amicable separations, in most cases one parent, usually the father, makes a complete break from the family, severing ties and having no contact with the children. Generally, financial support is expected and provided by the father, though this is not expected from the mother when the situation is reversed. But for Morrey, walking away is simply not an option. When both parents are foreign nationals (as is the case with the Morrey family), Japanese courts are supposed to settle the case according to the rule of law in the country of the parents’ origin. Family courts in both Brazil and the US would

likely settle the matter by awarding custody (either joint or sole) to Craig Morrey, who continues to be the sole care provider for Spencer. At the time of publication, despite numerous promises to settle the matter, after many months the courts have yet to make a ruling. Japan is the only G8 country that has not signed the 1980 Hague Convention on International Child Abduction and has, as a result, earned the dubious distinction of being a haven for parents who abduct their children. Parents who have been awarded custody in other jurisdictions can expect to have their rights ignored by Japanese courts, regardless of their legal status elsewhere. Morrey and other parents caught in the same situation (the International Association for Parent-Child Reunion estimates more than 100 children have been abducted by non-custodial parents in Japan) believe it’s time that Japanese family law changes. “The laws are archaic,” Morrey says, encouraging people to write letters and exert pressure on lawmakers to sign the Hague accord and bring domestic laws in line with international standards. Foreign nationals are not the only ones that would benefit from family law reforms. According to a French press agency article published by Asiaone News, Michele Bond speaking for the US State Department’s overseas citizen services said Japanese parents whose children are taken to other nations cannot get them returned under international law. “Because Japan is not a member of the Hague Convention, even if the children are abducted to a Hague convention member state, Japan cannot benefit from that because it’s not a Hague partner,” Bond said. “There are many cases of Japanese citizens’ children being abducted to other countries.” Hoping to help fuel a grassroots movement to initiate Japanese family court reform, Morrey has uploaded a petition and letter to his website, www. foreveryourfather.com. Consider sending a copy to a member of the media or anyone you might know with influence in government at any level. If enough people speak out, change can—and does—happen and often begins with a concerted effort by concerned individuals. While Morrey would certainly like to see changes to the legal system that would better protect the rights of children, he is also keenly aware of how difficult it can be to access other kinds of support for families coping with the challenges of looking after a severely disabled child. Caring round the clock for a child who cannot swallow, feed himself, or move around unassisted is exhausting and stressful and Morrey isn’t surprised that his wife had trouble coping and walked away. Unwilling to ask for help herself

parenting

BETWEEN A ROCK AND A

and without counselling being readily available for parents, there was little easily accessible assistance that might have helped the family cope better with their difficult circumstances. Though Craig leans heavily on a strong network of friends to help him cope with some of the stresses of his situation (Morrey isn’t afraid to talk about whatever is on his mind and finds open discussion a good coping strategy), he finds it hard to deal with the reality of no longer being able to work outside the home. The minimal amount of in-home support available and Spencer’s special needs make it virtually impossible for Morrey to work at a traditional job. Reluctant to ask for help in the form of handouts, Morrey finds himself struggling to keep up with the monthly bills. “The savings are gone and now I’m into the credit cards,” he admits. Determined to find a way to continue supporting himself and Spencer and driven by a desire to help others, Morrey has developed DesiDriver, an innovative program to stimulate local economies, encourage eco-friendly carpooling, and reduce drunk driving. Working with local restaurateurs, the project involves a rewardsbased system that encourages people to carpool and use designated drivers. Morrey is seeking investors to help implement this program, which he hopes might eventually be used worldwide. Despite all that has happened during the past few troubled years, Morrey hasn’t lost either his sense of humour or his sense of purpose. When asked how he keeps going he says simply, “I don’t have a choice. I just do what I have to do.” BAB Interested in lending a hand? Here’s how you can help: 1. If you live in the Okazaki area and would like to help out with Spencer’s care, contact Craig Morrey through his website. 2. If you are in a position to make a donation, this can also be done online at www. foreveryourfather.com. Any funds received are used for Spencer and Craig’s living expenses (not legal fees). 3. Interested in helping launch the DesiDriver project? Talk to Craig about investment opportunities. 4. What Craig would really like is a ruling from the judge. Share Craig’s story with anyone and everyone. Public scrutiny can work wonders when it comes to getting a sluggish process moving. Download (and send) a copy of the letter on Craig’s website to members of the media, court officials, or government representatives, and don’t forget to sign Craig’s petition, found online.

Being A Broad January 2010

feature

CHANGES FOR

WOMEN IN JAPAN by Kelsey Aguirre

image: psd image: World Economic Forum

o most women living abroad in Japan, things may seem to have remained the same and steady over the past years. However, there have actually been many changes. A lot of positive changes have happened to improve the daily lives of Japanese women. Some of the big changes that have helped women include advancements in birth control, maternity leave, and the right to keep their maiden names after marriage. Things have come a long way for women in Japan since they were granted the right to vote in 1946. The EEOL, or Equal Employment Opportunity Law, was revised in 1997 to allow more support for pregnant women in Japan hoping to continue their careers. Before such revisions, women were often expected to quit their jobs once becoming pregnant. Sometimes they were even bullied into quitting once they were married. Now many expectant mothers take advantage of this law, which allows them

controlling their career was equally important. Some women find this new maternity leave system to be very advantageous both for childrearing and their career. Almost 50 years after being introduced in the United States, the birth control pill has also become readily available in Japan in the past decade. Since being introduced in 1999, many women have decided to use this form of contraception. While condoms remain the most popular form of birth control, having the option to take the Pill is a major change to occur in Japan. Previously, women relied on condoms or family planning as their only options. According to the Yomiri, the government has made plans to submit a bill for approval next year that will give women the option to keep their maiden name after marriage. Women can choose to keep a separate maiden name from their husband and any future children can choose either parent’s name or a hyphenation of both. If this law is passed, it will be a remarkable change for women who want to keep their independence. Usually after marriage, a woman is added to her husband’s family registry or

to take up to a year of maternity leave and receive a percentage of their salary. With the decline in childbirth in Japan, this is a very smart option for companies to allow women to return to the workplace. Even in my own workplace, some women have started taking maternity leave, which was not something that was popular in the previous years. While it may be more difficult to juggle a career and a family, having the choice to do so is important. At my school, of the five teachers who have had children in the past two years, all of them have returned to the workplace. Most of them agreed that having their own money and

koseki, making all future legal documents necessary to be put in her husband’s name. Even when a woman divorces, she is still on her exhusband’s koseki and it is very difficult to remove his name, unless she remarries. This may not matter to some, but having the option to keep a maiden name, even if it is just as symbol of independence, can be quite important. Many of these improvements may not be incredibly popular yet, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t important. The important thing is that there are more choices available for women here in Japan. It’s up to women, up to us, to decide BAB whether or not we use them.

“If your life changes, we can change the world too.” —Yoko Ono

here are more choices available for women here in Japan. It’s up to women, up to us, to decide T whether or not we use them.

Images: iStockphoto.com/Yo Oura (centre), Eau Claire Media (right).

From increased access to medication, to high-ranking politicians and unique transit, there have been many changes to the lives of women in Japan in recent history.

In honour of a new decade, we’re looking back at some overall changes for women in Japan in the past half-century or so, as well as compiling a brief list of notable events to do with women in Japan, both foreign and non, over the past ten years. Here’s to a successful, safe, and entertaining 2010 and beyond! 2000: The first women-only train cars, now widely available in Tokyo and Osaka, take to the rails as part of a trial run by the Keio Railway Company. By 2001, the trains were a permanent fixture and JR East had started to used them. 2001: The Law on Prevention of Spousal Violence and Protection of Victims, Japan’s first law to prevent domestic violence, hits the books. Though criticised for the number of loopholes it contained, this was a landmark law for women’s rights in Japan. 2002: Seven women become the first female soldiers to be deployed by Japan as they travelled to East Timor as part of an existing peacekeeping mission in the area. 2002: Catering to its female clients, credit card company JCB released a line of scented credit cards known as LINDA. By 2005, over 500,000 of the cards had been issued, encouraging JCB to launch a special citrusscented card. 2005: In an interesting election strategy, Prime Minister Koizumi, running for re-election, used what came to be known as his ‘female ninjas,’ a group of celebrity women (and some men) to try and win seats away from more than 20 members of his own parliament; experienced politicians he wanted to remove by setting them up to fall against his ‘assassins.’ 2006: Female leaders from various unions and NGOs came together to form the Action Center for Working Women, Japan’s first nationwide organisation for the support of working women. 2007–2008: Japan ranks 54 (of 177) on the Gender Empowerment Measure, putting it far behind other industrialised countries. 2008: 16-year-old Eri Yoshida became the first female professional baseball player to be drafted in Japan after she was chosen as a seventh round pick by the Kobe 9 Cruise. 2008: Yuriko Koike became the first-ever woman to become a candidate to lead Japan’s ruling party, which would have put her in the position of Prime Minister. 2009: After evading capture for over two years, Tatsuya Ichihashi, the man widely believed to have murdered English teacher Lindsay Ann Hawker of the UK, was captured by the police in Osaka.

WEEKEND WWOOFING by Laura Pepper Image: Brandon Wu.

Laura helps with shelling peanuts—a long but rewarding process.

very now and then I get a little bit sick of the crowds and craze of the city and feel a burning desire to escape to the middle of nowhere and let myself get back to nature. With Christmas around the corner and consumerism and partying at a peak in Tokyo, I acted upon this urge and ran to the mountains of Ibaraki Prefecture for a couple of days to ‘WWOOF’ in the wild. When a friend first mentioned WWOOF (World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms) to me, I did what I do when I get terribly excited about something. I jump on the internet, research it to death, discuss it nonstop with bored, patient friends, and then make snap decisions. Five days later my partner and I were stepping off the train and inhaling the smelly countryside air. Travelling around Japan is great—easy, safe, convenient, and endless, but this time I wanted to do something with more of a purpose and that was more hands-on. I wanted to see more of the ‘real’ Japan, and WWOOF allows you to do just that. Born in England in the ‘70s and originally known as Working Weekends on Organic Farms, WWOOF is a non-profit organisation that has spun into a global phenomenon with 6,000 offices including one in Sapporo, Hokkaido. Interested volunteers sign up to the WWOOF website for a renewable annual fee of ¥5,500, locate a destination of their choice (all prefectures in Japan depending on the season), and make contact with their potential hosts. If both sides of the party are happy with the arrangements, then for no extra cost volunteers can go on to enjoy an action-packed getaway. The hosts benefit from a few extra hands and whatever skills the WWOOFer may bring; the volunteers experience a taste of country living, learn about organic practices in Japan, and in my case, eat lots and lots of delicious, home-cooked and, of course, organic food. I could write a very lengthy paragraph about how great the food was, but needless to say my gracious hosts did not allow us to go hungry, even catering for our vegetarian requirements.

In terms of what activities WWOOFers are expected to engage in, as ever, every situation is different. The region, farm type, and time of year will all affect what the volunteer’s designated jobs will be. WWOOF is available year-round, although winter may mean that locations are more limited than other seasons. In my own experience, winter meant that although the sun was shining brightly over Ibaraki, outside work was more limited than I would have liked. During our first hearty lunch, we were asked what our favourite Japanese food was. Since we both share a love for soba noodles, we were taken out to the beautiful fields to harvest the soba crop, from which, amongst many other products, soba noodles and tea are made. I was quite struck to realise that despite enjoying several bowls of noodles before, I had never given thought to, and had no idea about the fact that my favourite Japanese food had come from those tiny leaves! After a few hours out in the fields, we returned to the house to crack open an entire box of peanuts. It was an unexpectedly long and tedious task, but one that needed to be done as there was no machine available to do this on the farm. After an hour and a half of separating nut from shell, there was a small sense of achievement, sore hands, but above all a new appreciation for how nuts make it from the tree to my kitchen cupboard. As with the soba, I was once again left with a new awareness of the origins of the food on my plate. Inside the farm house, for the rest of the evening and the next day, it was all hands on deck—pre-Christmas meant that the organic bakery that the farm runs was particularly busy and the majority of our time was taken up helping with cutting cookies and packaging bread and cake. This time gave me a lot of opportunity to speak with the 24-year-old assistant who worked five days a week at the farm, boarding there so that she could cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner as well as help out with various other tasks. When we had introduced ourselves at the train station, she had

pointed out excitedly, as the Japanese do, that we were the same age. However, speaking with her now I felt a world away from her. She had been working at the farm for a year now, and even on her Saturdays and Sundays off, when she returned to her mother’s house, she would visit the farm to ‘play.’ She was up early each morning to cook the farmer and his family breakfast, and spent all day in the same kitchen with hardly a moment to sit down. As we spoke about our aspirations and dreams, she told me about how she was looking for a husband who held the same ideals as her. These were; a sustainable lifestyle, owning an organic farm, and raising a large family of five children (minimum). She spends her free time in the vegetable allotment she started at her family home, and enjoys spending time outdoors with her friends. Asked if she had visited the shopping mall that was less than a mile from the farm, she said that she never went shopping and that everything she wore was either given to her or something that she had held onto for years. At one point she asked me how far our journey back to Tokyo was, and I was particularly surprised that although it was only two hours away by train, she had never been to the capital. Unlike most of the people I have met of my age, she has no desire to move to the city and join the rat-race or live the urban life. She is completely content living with nature and I was humbled and in awe of her down-to-earth nature. If farming is not your cup of tea, but volunteering is, there are WWOOF hosts involved in several other activities aside from traditional farming. Hosts that offer stays at health and healing centres, pottery studios, organic restaurants, and even ski pensions are all available. Our stay was short and sweet—just two nights and two days, but you can choose to stay as long as it suits your and your hosts’ schedules. WWOOFers are not expected to know a lot about farming when they arrive; but a willingness to learn and fit into the lifestyle of the host is a given. Hosts will list the languages that they are able to speak on their contact page of the WWOOF website, but if you are able to speak any Japanese you will find that living in the WWOOF community is a wonderful chance to practise your skills and even learn some new vocabulary along the way. If any of your New Year’s resolutions included getting out in the open more, travelling across Japan, eating more organic food, or learning Japanese, then WWOOF could be perfect for you. I highly recommend that you take up this wonderful opportunity and, like me, you may have your eyes opened and your ideas challenged. More information can be found at www. BAB WWOOFjapan.com. Being A Broad January 2010

volunteering

A WONDERFUL

real-life story

Image: Alena Eckelmann

WHAT HAPENS TO

What direction will your 2010 take?

OUR DREAMS? by Alena Eckelmann

ast year was tough. Luckily, it is over now and the new year, with its prospects of new luck, new hope, new adventures, new everything has started. After heavy boozing at some forget-the-year bonenkai parties, memories of the old year are hazy already. I will top up soon with some more drinks at a welcome-the-new-year shinnenkai party, which surely will give any lingering issues of 2009 a rest. Following traditions, even if they are not our own and as auspicious as they may seem, gives some assurance, after all. After the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve, I followed some Japanese friends to a nearby temple to gong the temple bell. This is yet another way to say good bye to the old year and to ring in the New Year in Japan. Actually, after following all these traditions for the first time during my almost five years in Japan, I felt thoroughly ‘cleansed’ and ready for 2010, the Year of the Tiger. Just to make sure, I also went to the shrine to pray for a good year. Hatsumode, the first shrine visit of the New Year, is a must for the Japanese. It took me some time to speak to the kami-sama, the Japanese deities, and my friends, who were done in a few seconds, curiously asked me why. Was it because I had to complain so much about the year gone by or because I had so many wishes for this year? In any case, I hope the kami-sama understand English... New Year is usually the time when we think about the past and consider the future. Probably out of habit, I put down some New Year’s resolutions and more often than not they represent a list of lingering issues to be dealt with. Regularly exercising, eating healthily, spending more time with friends, etc. are frequent candidates for my annual short-term hopes of change. Typically, most of these well-meant resolutions last for a few weeks before I fall back into my old routine. Changing lifelong habits is difficult, after all. Someone told me that it takes at least one month of conscious effort before a new habit begins to take effect. One month seems long in this day and age of quick-fix solutions. However, considering one’s lifespan of, say, 80 years, battling for one month to make life better is really a small sacrifice. Why do I give up so easily then? Just like New Year, birthdays are also milestones between the past and the future. When I was young, everything seemed possible. Time seemed to stretch out endlessly into the future; there was no hurry to realise all those things on my wish list. Some were pretty small wishes while others were big dreams. Then conventions and social pressures took over and I became so busy with getting my education right and climbing the career leader. These were big enough challenges to be dealt with on a day-byday basis, so I forgot my little wants and brushed

aside dreams. Adults have to be reasonable and realistic. There is hardly any time and place for day-dreaming in our hectic lives, is there? On my 40th birthday I suddenly realised that quite possibly half of my life had passed. I had tackled all of the big challenges all right but my little wants had been ignored. Suddenly this bothered me. It was not OK anymore and something needed to be done about it. I started writing down all the things I have ever wanted. Interestingly, it was things ‘to do’ rather than things ‘to have.’ Before I knew it, this list had 40 points, each one a little dream. Now, was this a coincidence—40 things not done until my 40th birthday? Point number one: Horse riding. As a little girl I always wished for a horse instead of a car, but to date I have not even sat on one. How difficult could it be to find a stable somewhere and sign up for a couple of lessons? Not done yet. Point number two: Baking bread. My grandparents were bakers and I grew up surrounded by the smell of fresh bread. The bread from the supermarket does not compare at all. What does it take to let my mum show me how to make some delicious rolls? Not done yet. And so the list goes on and on. How can I possibly realise big dreams if I don’t even manage my small wishes? Living in a foreign country has offered great opportunities to reconsider these little wishes. There were many activities that I always wanted to do but somehow I only started after coming to Japan. Running marathons, training in martial arts, and hiking in the mountains are all new activities taken up in Japan. Some of them were on my todo-list at age 20. What exactly inspired me here in Tokyo almost 20 years later, I don’t know for sure, but maybe the new environment and new friends? There are opportunities for turning dreams into reality, even late, but one has to take the first step. Going abroad was an unbelievably big dream when I was a teenager in East Germany. Whatever higher forces there are, they have helped a little and by some historical blip the borders were opened. Big changes like that are scary, but they are also a huge chance for realising the bigger dreams. I have experienced that riding the ‘winds of change’ has brought me many good things. It seems important to take action and to move forward while listening to some inner guiding voice. Our world is constantly changing, but we are usually afraid of change, creatures of habit that we are. The doom and gloom of the financial crisis that overshadowed last year definitely did not encourage dream-hunting. To stay put and to hold on seemed the wise thing to do, but what happens if one swims against the stream? I started working for a Japanese company. It was the typical salary man, or call it salary woman, work. Everyone congratulated me on

landing this job at a time when other people lost theirs. Somehow I was sceptical right from the beginning. You know the feeling in your belly when something is not quite right? A certain style of working and thinking took over and ‘their way’ of thought battled with ‘my way.’ Regular overtime made the unhappy days at work seem even longer. I tried to fit it in, but the more I tried, the more difficult it became. I started thinking of myself as a misfit and became very unhappy. I received much well-meaning advice to sit it out until the economic climate was better or until I had found another job…conditions, conditions, all dictated by the logic of our brains, but ignoring the soul already suffering from an incumbent depression. I did not feel well at all when I told yet another friend that either I had to quit this job or get sick. She smiled and said that my choice was very obvious. Then I remembered that a couple of years ago, on my way back to Japan after a Christmas and New Year’s holiday in Germany, I had jotted down some ideas for how I wanted to work in the future. The picture painted was the absolute opposite of my real situation then in Tokyo. In my dream I saw a spacious house in the countryside set amongst lots of green; a terrace in front and a garden in the back with a cat and a dog strolling around. I saw me working from home in freelance writing and research, being flexible to fit in many interests and activities. Now that was a big dream. As I had expected, my salary woman job made me sick. First I was sick of it. Then I felt my mental health suffering before eventually my body became sick. Suddenly I realised that my friend was right: the choice really was obvious. So, I quit that job. Instead of the ‘so what now?’ I thought that this was a great chance to work on my big dream. Going freelance was also on my 40-points list. Bingo, a painful ending gives chance to a new start. This year has begun and I am looking forward to what it will bring me. I have set up as a selfemployed writer now, one step forward to making the bigger vision come true. I have also circled some points on my 40-things-to-do list to be tackled this year: climbing a 3,000 metre mountain; taking up photography lessons, and yes, horse riding. There is something to aim for in 2010. After all, we are the masters over our hopes and dreams and whatever happens to them is up to us. BAB

LEAD YOU TO SO MUCH MORE! by Sarah Baker

A selection of Hiroko’s dynamic art.

Images provided by Sarah Baker and Hiroko Suehiro.

Sarah with Hiroko and one of her pieces.

hen I moved to Japan seven months ago and decided to begin teaching English to Japanese students, I had no idea how much it would enhance my experience of living here. Not only do I find it a rewarding experience, but I have been introduced to the most interesting people that I now consider good friends and some practically family. My students range in age from as young as four years old to as experienced as seventy. Even more interesting is their array of occupations. Students, English teachers, homemakers, corporate professionals, retired professionals, artists, florists, fishermen, active military, and authors! As I get to know each student over time, I am exposed to different styles of living and Japanese culture. I have always felt that handson learning is the best way to learn about the world and am amazed at the rich education I am able to get from simply doing my job and building these friendships. My husband and I are doing what we can to return the favour of cultural exposure and have had students to our home for social events and are making a real effort to include them in our personal lives. You never know what you may be missing unless you embrace the friendships and opportunities that are available to you. One very interesting opportunity that arose recently was from my English student Hiroko Suehiro. Hiroko was Miss Yokohama when she was nineteen years old and is a well-known performing artist. I say performing artist because she puts on high calibre exhibitions where she performs her calligraphy mastery on various sizes of paper in front of large audiences, all set to music. She has an impressive and extensive résumé and has performed for the Emperor’s family, professional dancers, and famous actors and actresses. My husband and I are amateur art collectors, but prefer to purchase paintings or artwork from local artists in different countries,

so I was eager to check out Hiroko’s gallery. Hiroko Suehiro has been pursuing art since she was twelve years old. She specialises in the beautiful world of sumi-e (black ink) traditional calligraphy and has studied many styles of calligraphy. Hiroko adores powerful styles such as the Reisho-square style and the textbook-style calligraphy Yan, made famous by Chinese calligrapher Yan Zhenquing, who blended cursive hand with seal script. Perhaps some of my personal favourites of Hiroko’s work are the Dance-Ballet, Dance-Noh, and DanceFlamenco pieces done in sho (calligraphy). I also enjoy Hiroko’s Dragons and Sea (Waves) collections. Adding her own human experience, personal studies of human nature, purity, education, richness, and learning from the master calligraphies of the period, Hiroko has created peaceful, compassionate, and emotional artwork. When I visited Hiroko’s gallery in Tokyo, I was curious to learn as much about calligraphy as I could. The ink she uses is tanboku, a thin, flat, sheer, black ink. There are different sizes of fude (brush) made of different materials. Some fude are made from wood and some from bamboo. Some use mongoose hair and others rabbit. Hiroko has designed her own fude as well. This type of art

relies heavily on the ink bleeding on washi paper. Hiroko has experimented with several types of paper and has been to paper-making factories to create and experiment with new blends of paper. If you are interested in learning more about Hiroko Suehiro’s art, she has published the book Dance of the KANJI. You may also visit her gallery (free entrance) and attend her Grand Opening in February, 2010. Visit www.hiroworld.co.jp for more details, or email: shoart10@hiroworld.co.jp. If you’d like to try either traditional calligraphy or sumi-e, H.I.S. Experiences offers courses in both types of Japanese art. Typically, students have the opportunity to visit a studio and spend around two hours learning about and trying their chosen activity. Class prices range from ¥7,500– ¥9,800. Visit http://hisexperience.jp for more information or to make a booking. I look forward to working with Hiroko on her English over the next couple of years and celebrating her artistic and lingual successes together. And before I leave Japan, when I am able to purchase one of her pieces, I will not only see a mastery of artistic expression on my wall, but also the deepened friendship and experience BAB we built in my three years living here.

Hiroko at one of her artistic performances. Being A Broad January 2010

real-life story

HOW TEACHING ENGLISH CAN

Alicia Samuels’ story, told by Kelsey Aguirre

licia Samuels was just the American girl at the front desk, working at a Yokosuka area hotel, when she met the love of her life. She had just finalised her divorce and was really focused on starting her new life. As Alicia recalls it, she was not really looking for love when she met her fiancé John Davis. Alicia debated and debated over whether or not to ask John out for coffee. She wasn’t sure if he was married or if he had a girlfriend back home, but lucky for her, he was single. “I was staying there while I was working as a contractor for the US Navy,” said John, “when Alicia called me and asked me to lunch.” Their first date was at a popular Korean restaurant called Tiger. Alicia talks about the date, thinking it didn’t really count because it was just lunch. But John insists that it counted. He also insisted on paying for that first date and others after, even though it was Alicia who initiated everything. “That’s one of the things I love about him, he’s very gentlemanly and somewhat old-fashioned.” Alicia says that after that first date, they were pretty much inseparable. John introduced her to his coworkers and after she finished her shift at

John’s proposal at Kurihama Station. All images: Reio Edward Otsubo, age 11.

she found love in Japan

LOVE FOUND AT THE FRONT DESK

as possible, going to Tokyo for romantic dinners and sightseeing in their free time. John’s assignment was coming to an end in Japan, and Alicia was a little worried with how they would continue to stay so close despite his leaving. John already had a solution in mind: He

took Alicia to Akihabara and bought her first laptop. Then he set up a messaging program so they could keep in touch often. They spent a lot of time on video calls and emailing. He would get online in the morning (her time) to wake her up and before she left for work in Japan, she would say goodnight to John. It was around this time that Alicia also

propose again, while Alicia’s oldest son snapped the moment on camera. It all went according to his plan. Alicia and John will have their wedding this coming spring in Fort Valley, Georgia. While planning the wedding is a big process, an even harder process for Alicia is moving back to the States after living in Japan for almost two decades. She isn’t quite used to daily life there, but John says he is ready to help her become adjusted. “I’m ready to teach her and help her with everything,” says John. After all, Alicia helped him during his “lost in translation” moments in Japan. When John was sick while still staying at the hotel, she brought him some Japanese medicine and came to his room to take care of him. Then, when John burned his hand, he called to the front desk and

introduced John to hatosabure, a famous Japanese cookie from Kamakura, shaped like a pigeon. John loved these cookies and Alicia would send him a box of them from Japan with a love letter inside. “We dated for about eight months before John came back and proposed,” Alicia said. Actually, he proposed not once, but twice. The first time was at Narita Airport, when Alicia came to pick him up. The second was after he had permission from Alicia’s two children. Of course, the two boys agreed. According to Alicia, they instantly bonded with John. John’s love of photography was something that interested them, in addition to his overall demeanour. After getting the OK from her boys, John planned to

asked for some burn cream. Not something the hotel normally would do, but Alicia came up to help him. Alicia had to sneak around a bit while John was staying at the hotel, because she felt it wouldn’t look right. When they would go out together, she would hide behind him so the hotel’s security cameras couldn’t see her. They were almost caught a few times, but that was all a part of the fun and excitement. In the end, when Alicia told her boss and coworkers they had had an inkling that something was up. But everyone was happy that she found love. And to think of all the places in the world to find love, she found it at a front desk of a BAB hotel in Japan!

licia debated and debated over whether or not to ask John out for coffee...lucky for her, he A was single. work, they would often all get together for a drink or dinner. “He just made me feel special and how a woman should feel: loved.” So from that point on, they spent as much time together

veryone was happy that she found love. And to think of all the places in the world to find love, she E found it at a front desk of a hotel in Japan!

At Tokyo Disneyland.

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GUIDE TO INTERNATIONAL

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“Offers the most in-depth account of Japanese international schools available.”

— American father living in Japan

By number-one bestselling author Caroline Pover, the guide features six pages of detailed research on over a hundred schools, complemented by photographs. This is an essential resource for expatriate parents, bicultural families, internationally-minded Japanese parents, teachers in Japan, and those thinking of setting up their own school here. 692 pages retailing at ¥5,000.

http://www.internationalschoolsguidebook.com

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HEWETT ART fundraiser for the Tyler Foundation Friday 29th January, 7â&#x20AC;&#x201C;9pm, Mita

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