Being A Broad March 2009 #42
The monthly magazine for international women living in Japan
playing at GYMBOREE
our cover girl: Boudoir’s ROSITA ENDAH
finding love ONLINE the DEATH PENALTY in Japan
s.z. cairney on a RUDE AWAKENING LINDSAY ANN HAWKER— in memoriam ADOPTION and Japan— a REAL-LIFE STORY
www.being-a-broad.com
IN THIS
ISSUE 4
being a broad news
BAB events, in memoriam: Lindsay Ann Hawker
Boudoir’s Rosita Endah
6 On the 25th of this month it will be two years since British teacher Lindsay Ann Hawker was found dead on the balcony of Tatsuya Ichihashi, whose whereabouts still remain unknown. Please take a moment to read the words of Lindsay’s family on page five, as they visit Japan in their efforts to ensure that those of us who live here do not forget that Ichihashi has still not been found. We continue to provide readers with our pull-out poster in the centre of the magazine—please do post it where you can. Take a look at Ophelia’s innovative means of decorating her bedroom on page 10—perfect for those of us renting and therefore reluctant to do too much damage to the walls! Do send us your photos if you give it a go yourself! I often receive emails from foreign women thinking about adopting in Japan, and Amy’s personal story on page 20 provides an insight into adoption in Japan as well as into life as one adopted. Along with plenty more to read, our useful resources section on our back pages is sure to help you in making the most of your life in Japan.
our cover girl
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women of the world news from around the globe
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things we love small but significant—things we love in Japan
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Tokyo girl personal safety in one of the safest cities
10 homes
personalising your walls with fabric
putting hard work into a better life
6 our cover girl
11 coaching a broad image provided by: Ulara Nakagawa
12 sports & fitness
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a life-long relationship with karate
working Alison Smyth of NTT World Marine Engineering
15 pullout poster
BAB supports Lindsay Ann Hawker’s family
becoming a better networker
19 working
Enjoy!
20
Caroline Pover BAB Founder
real-life story • adoption; one woman’s story • a multi-generational connection
20 real-life story
the broads (and boys!)
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22
mothers
24
learning
image: provided by Aiko Miyamoto
Publishers Caroline Pover & Emily Downey Editor & Designer Danielle Tate-Stratton Advertisement Designer Chris May Contributors S.Z. Cairney, Gabbi Bradshaw,Tina Burrett, Natasha Williams, Alena Eckelmann, Richard Sproston, Aiko Miyamoto, Amy Dose, Charlotte Lewis, Alison Smyth, My Persson, Ulara Nakagawa, Christina Bell, Prairie Stuart-Wolff, Ophelia Cate, Aurora Bonaiuto Proofreader Renata Valz Cover Model Rosita Endah Cover Photographer Kerry Raftis, www.keyshots.com Cover Makeup Anthony Moynihan Printing Mojo Print Opinions expressed by BAB contributors are not necessarily those of the Publishers.
image: Kerry Raftis/www.keyshots.com
image: David Stetson
message from the founder
• a rude awakening • playing at Gymboree the Naganuma Language School
26 feature
28
29
an interview with Yoshiko Burke
political broad-cast Japan’s enduring death penalty
she found love in Japan love found online and taken to Okinawa
29 she found love
Being A Broad magazine, editor@being-a-broad.com www.being-a-broad.com tel. 03-5879-6825, fax: 03-6368-6191 Being A Broad March 2009
BAB NEWS
BAB supports Lindsay Ann Hawker A quote from the BAB book: Mail
Subscriptions
Being A Broad February 2009 #41
The monthly magazine for international women living in Japan
our cover girl: Claire Moore living in OKINAWA PHYSIO for new mums and mums-to-be s.z. cairney on a VALENTINE’S love story why Japan should STOP WHALING
4
help do your bit to FIND LINDSAY ANN HAWKER’S KILLER with our pullout poster
emotionally PREPARING to LEAVE Japan discovering Japan through GEOCACHING
www.being-a-broad.com Thanks for picking up this issue of Being A Broad magazine. Like what you see? Then why not subscribe today? For just ¥4,500 you’ll get one year (12 issues) of Being A Broad delivered to your door. Email: editor@being-abroad.com to subscribe today!
In October 2008, we saw various reports in the media that Tatsuya Ichihashi—the man upon whose balcony Lindsay Ann Hawker’s body was found in March 2007—was believed to have killed himself. Lindsay’s family responded with concern, believing that if people suspected this rumour to be true, the police and general public may lessen efforts to find Ichihashi. Lindsay’s parents urge us all not to stop looking out for him, and not to forget their daughter. As we go to print, Lindsay’s family has not been presented with any evidence showing that Ichihashi is dead. They have no reason to believe that he is anything but alive and well, and can only assume that he is hiding somewhere. Based in the UK, it is so difficult for her family to maintain public awareness of the fact that Ichihashi is still missing—let those of us who live here try to do our best to help them.
Please help support the Hawker family in finding Lindsay Ann’s killer with our pullout poster on pages 15–18.
You can pick BAB up at the following locations: Shibuya-ku: • British School Tokyo • Boudoir • Tower Records • Sin Den • Furla Yoga
Minato-ku: • Suji’s • Nakashima Dentist • TELL • Nishimachi International School • Gymboree • Global Kids Academy • Mitsubishi UFJ Azabujuban • Tokyo Surgical and Medical Clinic • National Azabu • Segafredo • Tokyo American Club • Nissin World Delicatessen • Crown Relocations • Temple University • Hulabootie
Kichijoji: • Shinzen Yoga Koto-ku: • Toho Women’s Clinic Chofu-shi: • American School in Japan Tsukuba: Through BAB Rep Shaney (shaney@beinga-broad.com)
Shonan: Through BAB Rep Kelsey (kelsey@being-abroad.com)
The post office has a really useful, detailed English pamphlet explaining all services provided. Services available at your local post office include domestic, international, registered, and express mail. If registered mail or a parcel is delivered to you and you are not there to accept it, then there will be a delivery notice (all in Japanese) with a telephone number on it. In addition, the post office has a range of other services that include banking, sending money overseas, and acceptance of utility bill payments. Most post offices are open from 9am to 5pm, Monday through Friday, but some are open later or on weekends for undelivered mail collection and regular services, and main outlets may have a 24-hour window. It is sensible to write all the names of your household members on your post box. There are several companies other than the post office who will deliver parcels, often within 24 hours. Look for the green signs with a yellow dog and cat on them. These are outside many convenience stores and you often see the vans around. They provide excellent service—friendly, cheap, and efficient. You can send something by cash-on-delivery and you can even send bulky items like furniture. Some companies will pick up your parcels but you need an extra helpful convenience store owner or a Japanese friend to give you this information. I spent three months carrying packages of 100 magazines to the convenience store to be sent out all over Japan before the owner took pity on me. Also, when you’re not there, they will leave a card with a telephone number on it. Call the number and leave your address (you should learn to say it in Japanese). They will have you on file so will understand why you are calling without your needing any more Japanese ability. Please note that the BAB book is currently being reprinted so please do email info@being-abroad.com to reserve a copy when one becomes available.
A LIFE CUT SHORT: IN MEMORIAM
OF LINDSAY ANN HAWKER by Aurora Bonaiuto
Lindsay in Tokyo with her parents, just three months before her tragic death. image: provided by the Hawker family
S
he came here with high expectations. Japan, a country known for its low crime rate, would unfortunately deal this bright young woman a fate that she, nor anyone else, would never have dreamed of. Lindsay Ann Hawker was leaving her family and friends behind in pursuit of opportunity, adventure, and a sense of self. At the time, her father was happy for her. “I was so proud when…Lindsay decided that she would travel to Japan, to teach English. I visited her for the New Year and felt satisfied that she would be safe in Tokyo, which appeared to be a modern, cultured city.” Lindsay’s story is a sad one that touches all who learn about it, whether we knew her personally or not. What intensifies the shock of her story is that it could have happened to anyone. She was only doing what she came here to do: teach non-English speakers to speak English. She was fulfilling her piece of an on-going puzzle; building bridges between cultures and heightening cultural awareness. It was this effort, this label of being an English teacher, that brought Tatsuya Ichihashi into her life in March 2007. Ichihashi befriended Lindsay, only to take her life a few days later for a reason no one has yet found out. Her mother Julia describes her daughter as, “…an extraordinary young woman, and not a day goes by without thinking of her amazing life, her enthusiasm, drive, and positive outlook on life.”
sisters, as they were of her. This evil man has taken one of my daughters but he will not ruin the lives of the other two.” For her part, Lisa, one of Lindsay’s sisters, says: “Barely a second passes by without me thinking of Lindsay in some way. Not all thoughts are sad, painful thoughts. Indeed, as time goes by I¹m remembering more of the happy, fun times we shared growing up together and it makes me realise how lucky we were as a family and what a fantastic childhood I had. I often think of what Lindsay would look like now, where she would be, and what we would be doing together. I have no doubt, though, that she probably wouldn¹t have been doing what I imagine—you could always rely on Lindsay to be coming up with new ideas, wanting to see new places, and meet new people. I miss her terribly. Finding
“I will not rest until this evil man is caught!” It was Lindsay’s drive that caused her to struggle and fight for her life against her attacker. Her determination did not waiver in her last moments as she fought for her life. Unfortunately, she lost that fight. She was the tender age of twenty-two when Ichihashi beat and strangled her to death, leaving Lindsay’s body in a bath of sand and soil on his veranda. Her tragic end has left her family devastated, although they are doing their best to continue a normal life as much as is possible. Bill Hawker, Lindsay’s father, shares: “I am extremely proud of the things that Lindsay achieved in her life. I am also so proud of the way in which my other two daughters have continued with their lives since this tragic incident. They have worked hard and continued with their studies…They are amazing girls, as was Lindsay. “It is of some consolation that Lisa and Louise have moved on with their lives and are proving what exceptional people they are. I have had the support of close family and friends who have supported me and my family throughout. I know that Lindsay would be proud of her
Tatsuya Ichihashi will give me closure. One of my greatest fears is that one day in the future I might have to tell my children that the man who took their Auntie Lindsay away has never been caught. I hope and pray he is found soon.” Julia, Lindsay’s mother, also expresses how she feels about the fact that Tatsuya Ichihashi is still roaming the streets, free. “The loss and grief is awful to endure but it would give me some peace if I knew that this murderer was apprehended and brought to justice for this terrible crime. I fear that he may have already re-offended or will do so in the future. I would not like another family to have to experience the same loss.” It has been two years this month since Lindsay lost her life. Tatsuya Ichihashi is still out there, roaming the streets as a free man. In their pain and grief though, the Hawker family haven’t lost sight of their wishes for justice. They are relentless in pursuing leads and working with the police and public to try and find the man who took their daughter’s life. “It is two years this month since my daugh-
ter Lindsay was murdered. I have to say that the police do not seem to be any nearer to capturing this evil man. We once again are coming back to Japan for the anniversary in March, to again try and raise the profile of the case. Nobody can imagine how difficult this is for us all.” “My wife and I are determined to keep up the pressure on the Japanese police to ensure that they continue with their efforts to catch Ichihashi. I repeat those words that I stated back in 2007, when I first returned to Japan after Lindsay was murdered. ‘I will not rest until this evil man is caught!’” The Hawker family and all of us at Being A Broad are asking any and all of you to please not let Lindsay’s memory die, nor her murderer get away with what he did. “Once again, I appeal to everyone reading this article to help in any way you can. If you think you have seen him or believe that someone is hiding him, come forward and notify the Japanese police or email via the website at: www. lindsayannhawker.com. All leads will be followed up in the strictest confidence. Send the website link to everyone you know, to remind them that this man has not been caught.” If you know anything at all about Tatsuya Ichihashi, his whereabouts, or if you think you have any information that may be helpful in capturing him, please contact the website above or the police at 47-397-0110. A special hotline has also been set up to report any sightings of Ichihashi at 03-6688-7677. “Finally, I would just like to say that I want my daughter to be remembered for her life and not her death. Ichihashi acted in a totally inhumane way and deserves to pay for this crime.”— Julia Hawker, Lindsay’s mother. Let’s work together in defending Lindsay in death and finally putting an end to her family’s painful, two-year struggle to find justice for her murder. So we all may be able to say: rest in BAB peace, Lindsay. Being A Broad March 2009
5
our cover girl
ROSITA ENDAH
OF BOUDOIR Cover photography by Kerry Raftis Full name: Rosita Endah Age: 29 years old Nationality: Indonesian Grew up in: Indonesia, Australia, and Japan. Time in Japan: seven years Japanese level: fluent Works at: Boudoir Day Spa
all images: Kerry Raftis/www.keyshots.com
Why did you come to Japan? It was always a dream of mine to visit Japan someday. The gadgets are fabulous and cool and the fashion is also absolutely amazing.The main reason I came to Japan was because of my boyfriend. We met each other in Sydney whilst I was studying there. We immediately ‘clicked’ and then he invited me to come to Japan to study Japanese. Why do you stay in Japan? One Valentine’s Day my then-boyfriend presented me with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates with a ring inside and proposed! I am thrilled to stay in Japan. Plus, I found a great job and fun girls to work with. How do you manage to balance everything in your life? Having a little ‘me’ time is important to step out of the business of life in Japan, but in the bigger picture I’m still trying to balance and manage my everyday life. What do you do to relax? Slowly count from one to ten and take a looong, looong deep breath, walk around Tokyo (maybe with a little shopping here and there), enjoy cool music, and go dancing. I recently found a great gym to go to also.
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Best thing about being a foreign woman in Japan? A lot of interesting food to try—all over Tokyo there is a huge variety of international food, even from far away places like Ethiopia or Senegal. This is a great, ‘female-friendly’ place to live, thanks to the safe environment. The depth of the Japanese culture also inspires me and provides constant sources of education.
A Day in the Life: Wake up at 7-ish, ride the jampacked Toyoko line to work, review paperwork and banking, pay bills, and make sure all the staff are organised for the day. Confirm clients and answer emails. Prepare new client letters and various marketing projects, paperwork, and more paperwork! Stock control and stocktake. Cash up and make sure the salon is set up and organised for the day. Ride the train home, cook dinner for my wonderful husband, and then bed!
The gadgets are fabulous and cool and the fashion is also absolutely amazing.
WOMEN OF THE WORLD
compiled by Danielle Tate-Stratton
image: flickr.com/molly_darling
After a bizarre series of events in China, a 29-year-old woman identified as Yu drove herself and five others off a cliff, killing herself and injuring the others. The others in the car were her ex-lover and his four other mistresses, who had been part of a five-woman harem with Yu until the economic downturn caused the businessman ex-lover to downsize his group of mistresses. To decide which to keep, he brought in third-party judges and looked at attributes such as looks and the amount of alcohol each woman could hold. Yu was the first to be cast out, because of her looks, and lost out on a monthly $730 stipend. To get back at everyone involved, she took them all on a drive under the pretense of a ‘farewell sightseeing tour’ and plunged the group’s car off the cliff.
A study in the UK looked at 12,445 women aged 20–34 and then examined the habits of the 238 of those women who became pregnant during the first three months of the study. University of Southampton researchers showed that only a tiny percent—just two point nine—were following recommendations to have fewer than four alcoholic drinks per week and take a certain amount of folic acid three months before they conceived. In terms of other factors such as not smoking or eating vegetables, women who got pregnant were just slightly more likely to make healthy choices in the time leading up to their pregnancies than those who didn’t become pregnant, leading the researchers to call for greater education about pre-pregnancy health and planning.
image: NK1967
A long-term study published in the Journal of the American Heart Association has shown that for otherwise healthy women with no other risk factors, drinking three cups of coffee per day can reduce your risk of stroke by up to 20 percent.
Meseret Defar of Ethiopia broke the previous world record for running 5,000 metres in Stockholm on February 18, running the indoor race in just 14:24.37. Researchers at the University of Minnesota have shown that pregnant women with diabetes are about twice as likely to become depressed during the course of their pregnancy than nondiabetic women.
image: Gastonmag
Khuloud Faqih, 34, and Asmahan Wuheidi, 31, became the first female judges in the Islamic court in Palestine in February. Muslim courts in Palestine make rulings on topics such as marriage, divorce, inheritance, and custody. Traditionally, women were considered too sensitive and weak to be judges, though now more and more are seeing the benefits of having women on the bench. A study of 161,000 postmenopausal women over eight years showed that taking a multivitamin does not reduce the risk of cancer or cardiovascular disease. A study published in The Journal of Neuroscience in January showed that when men sweat when they are sexually aroused the pheromones are different to those released when a man is simply sweating. Not only that, the study showed that women are able to tell the difference and think more positively about the scent of the men’s sweat when they are sexually aroused. Researchers recently tested a type of microbicide, which women could apply to their vaginas before having intercourse, that may be beneficial in terms of helping to prevent the spread of HIV. In countries such as Malawi, where women are so underpowered they can’t negotiate the use of a condom, the spread of HIV/AIDS remains rampant and this could be a possibility for empowering women in terms of their sexual health.
7 image: flickr/d3media
Though by law Iraqi women are well supported in politics, in practice things are still a different matter. Under then new constitution, drawn up with the aid of the US, women are required to fill 25 percent of the country’s 444 provincial council seats, even if that means unseating a man who technically brought in the largest number of voters. However, even though women made up 3,900 of the 14,400 total candidates and will receive 25 percent of the seats, they still face a patriarchal society where, for instance, the Women’s Affairs Ministry recently saw its budget slashed from $7,500 to $1,500 per month. This caused its minister, Nawal al-Samarraie, to resign in protest.
A National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey of 22,211 patients has shown that for women, abdominal obesity may be a key risk factor for suffering migraines. Of those 20 to 55 with abdominal obesity, 37 percent of women suffered from migraines, compared to 29 percent who weren’t obese in this area of their body.
Alison Des Forges was among those to tragically die in the crash of a Colgan Air flight outside of Buffalo in February. Des Forges, 66, played a key role in bringing to light the tragedies occurring during the genocide in Rwanda. First, she spoke out on behalf of the some 800,000 Tutsis who were massacred by Hutus, including personal friends. She then brought to light the killings of 30,000 Hutus at the hands of the thenruling Tutsis, a story that was not brought to light in many of the major media channels. She is credited with being one of the only people to show that former victims can, and indeed do, become victimisers themselves.
For the first time, women’s ski jumping was a part of the Nordic World Skiing Championships in the Czech Republic in February. It has been a long road for women in the sport, who were initially banned from competing due to unfounded beliefs that the landings would damage reproductive organs. While there is now a 14-stop tour for female ski jumpers, there is also currently a discrimination claim against the organisers of the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver for not including the sport. In April, the IOC will decide whether or not to include the sport in the 2014 Olympics in BAB Sochi, Russia. Being A Broad March 2009
THE LITTLE THINGS
WE LOVE IN JAPAN
c.
b.
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bottom image: Richard Termine (costumes: Dominique Lemieux)
top image: Marie-Reine Mattera © Cirque du Soleil, Inc. 2005 (costumes: Dominique Lemieux)
a.
e.
d.
a. I love Carmex chapstick, an American classic widely available in drugstores all over Tokyo. I love the price, the cheesy yet so familiarly comforting packaging, and most of all the fact that it is not tested on animals. The official Carmex website is surprisingly fun too. A Q&A excerpt from their homepage reads: “Q. Is Carmex addictive? A. Are sunshine, kisses, and puppies addictive? You decide.” (www.mycarmex.com)—UN
f. b. I love my Nike + iPod sensor. This gadget, which costs just over ¥3,000, has two parts—a sensor that you can either put into a Nike + iPod-ready shoe or attach to another brand (Google for suggestions on this), tracks your speed, distance, and calories burnt while running or walking. Go online to the Nike Plus website, where you can see your runs, set goals, join challenges, and find nearby routes. (www.apple.com; http://nikeplus.nike.com)—NW
c. I love the Kinji Used Clothing store in central Harajuku. Clean, spacious, bright, yet super unpretentious, it is the stop I cannot miss when I hit the neighbourhood. Apparently, there are 20,000 fresh products always on display. I especially love the designer items racks—at up to 90 percent less than the original store-bought prices! www.kinji.jp/shop/harajyuku/index.html—UN e. I love to learn. Building houses with Habitat for Humanity is life-long learning. On a recent build in Thailand, I learned the difference between concrete and cement, what pad Thai tastes like, and that teenagers are hard workers. Come to April’s ‘Travelers with a Purpose’ Habitat meeting and find out how a group of 25 high school students from Tokyo learned compassion, to rely on each other, and to break down social barriers not only with the Thais but each other. Hear about their life-changing build to Korat, Thailand on April 14th, 7pm at Ben’s Cafe. www.benscafe.com/Home.html—KH
f. I love Kaikaya! We went on a weeknight to this little izakaya off the beaten path in Shibuya. The staff is super-friendly and speak pretty good English; they also have menus in English. There are about 30 seats and it was pretty packed, so I do recommend reservations. They started us off with sashimi and it melted in our mouths! We dined on tuna tartar, crab spring rolls, fresh tomato salad, and scallop risotto. Great find! It’s about a ten-minute walk from Shibuya crossing with a great map on their website. www. kaikaya.com—AD
d. I love the colourful, dramatic, and downright breathtaking world created by Cirque du Soleil, which is why I was so excited about their touring show, Corteo, coming to Japan. It’s in Tokyo now but will go to Nagoya and Osaka before the end of September. I was lucky enough to see Corteo under the big top in Yoyogi Koen and thoroughly enjoyed the amazing acrobatic feats, comedic moments, and whimsical world of the Dreaming Clown. (www.cirquedusoleil.com)—DTS Do you have a ‘little thing you love in Japan?’ If the answer is yes, email 50–150 words about it plus a picture to: editor@being-a-broad. com so we can share it with all the other broads reading BAB.
by Gabbi Bradshaw
Shocked, I whipped around and was face to face with a man in a helmet with his visor down.
image: iStockphoto/EricHood
“
Is it safe to travel to Indonesia?” My Japanese friend asked. I lived there during 9/11 and was at the Sari Club in Bali the week before it was bombed. I guess he considered me an expert. “Other than the occasional bomb and government warnings, it is,” I replied. “How about India?” “It’s the toughest country I’ve travelled in,” I replied. “I had a man masturbate in front of me. But you’re an Asian man. You should have no problems. And I actually learned the most from my travels to India. Although after my episode of dengue, I swore I would never go back; I now want to see Jaipur. I’ll be back.” In my months of backpacking around the globe through Nepal, India, Sri Lanka, Kenya, Tanzania, Fiji, Peru, and 30 other countries, I have never been assaulted. Followed, yes. Harassed, yes. Grossed out, yes. But never physically violated. According to the Associated Content’s article Top 5 Countries Where Safety is First, published on December 5, 2007, Japan is the fifth safest country in the world. Being able to leave my laptop on a table while I go to the restroom in Starbucks and knowing it will be there when I return is a definite benefit of living in Japan. I am endlessly walking to the train station in Tokyo. It’s my time to think. I figure out solutions.
iPod on the streets of Tokyo? Obviously, on my late nights out when I barely catch the last train, I don’t wear my ear buds. Creepy alleys are creepy regardless of where you live. But it was in the safest country I’ve ever travelled that I was violated. Japan. The other evening while jamming to Guns and Roses, I felt
I have learned that I am responsible for my own safety. Whether I’m in Kathmandu or Tokyo.
image: poe5
Plan my vacations. Make up stories. And wonder. I wonder about the dog in the pink sweater. The house that looks like a prison. The yucky smell. The Chinese-looking dog statue that scares me every time I round the corner to the alley by the station. Sometimes I find the answers to my wonderings. Like should I really be wearing my
“It’s the toughest country I’ve travelled in...[but] I’ll be back.”
Tokyo girl
SAFETY IS AS SAFETY DOES
a presence come up behind me and just as I was trying to push my backpack out to create more space, I felt a hand. At first, I thought it was somebody I knew tapping me on the shoulder. Which didn’t make sense but I wasn’t afraid. But then, I felt a hand grab my breast. Shocked, I whipped around and was face-to-face with a man in a helmet with his visor down. As soon as I realised what happened, he zoomed off on his motorbike. Unlike the visualisation I rehearsed in my head of fighting off any attacker, I didn’t push him off his motorbike. I didn’t even yell or curse at him like I was taught in my self-defense classes. It was like slow motion. After he zoomed off, I folded my arms around my chest. I looked down in shame. I was angry. Upset. Hurt. And mad at myself for being ashamed and for letting this happen. I’m smarter than that. I used to work at a women’s centre in one of the largest cities in the States. I heard the stories on the hotlines, in group sessions, and in individual counselling. All this time, I sat empathetically listening and feeling their pain but didn’t have a clue.
Tears welled in my eyes. I was embarrassed. Then angry. Then scared. Had the man who grabbed me been following me? Did he know my schedule? Was he coming back? I was really close to my apartment. I didn’t want him to know where I lived. Or did he already know where I lived? I came to the stone entrance of my apartment building, stopped, turned around, and looked and listened for the man on the motorbike.The street was eerily empty. I wasn’t sure if the emptiness made me feel better or worse. Stepping inside the entrance I already had my key out to open the security door. I waited to make sure he wasn’t right behind me. For the first time since I lived in the apartment, I waited for the security gate to close before I went to the elevator. In the elevator, I wiped away the tears. At my floor I opened my door, looked around to make sure nobody was around, and stepped into my apartment. Immediately, I double bolted my door. And I cried. I wanted to call my mom, which was the worst idea. She already worried about me living and travelling alone and all the bad things that could happen to me in the big bad world. I wanted to call my sister, but it was 3am in Texas, and she had to work the next day. So I sat in my apartment and ate my stale Lucky Charms out of the bag on my couch. Lonely. Traumatised. I do believe Japan is one of the safest countries in the world. But I no longer wear my ear buds on the streets of Tokyo. And although I no longer blame myself, I have learned that I am responsible for my own safety. Whether I’m in BAB Kathmandu or Tokyo. Being A Broad March 2009
9
homes
A FABRIC
WALL by Ophelia Cate
W
hile I don’t particularly like moving, even though I’ve done so 18 times in 22 years, I do like having the opportunity to decorate anew in each different place—buying new bedspreads, making new cushions, and reorganising the photos and mementos that I love plastering all over the walls. One drawback to moving so frequently, and always into rented spaces, is that I can’t paint the walls. Especially in Japan, where the wallpaper is almost always textured, I wouldn’t want to risk trying to paint and then paint back, especially when I know I will be moving on within a year. That’s why I was so thrilled to find this technique for dressing up dorm or apartment walls; one that I hope some of you will get colourful enjoyment out of as well. Strange as it might sound, it is possible to wallpaper your walls using fabric and fabric starch.While the undiluted liquid you use to iron shirts is all you need to keep large swaths of fabric on the walls, once you need to move on, all you need to do is dampen a corner and peel, the fabric comes straight off. Of course, at that point it will be so laden in starch it could probably stand on its own but just throw it in the washer and you’ll be able to use it again. Here I’ve used my most recent bedroom as an example, along with a list of what you’ll need and how you’ll do it. Happy decorating!
What you’ll need: • Enough fabric to cover your wall(s), with a few centimetres worth of overlap on each edge. • Fabric starch, which in Japan is called Keeping ). Use the liquid, as opposed to ( spray, variety and use an old pan or dish for holding it as you work. • Clean sponges or a paint roller. • Thumbtacks. • Scissors and/or a utility knife. • Enough ribbon to cover the edges of the fabric (optional).
all images: Ophelia Cate
What you’ll do:
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Start at the top of your wall, tacking up the strips of fabric with thumbtacks to hold it. To apply the fabric starch, start at the top and sponge it on to the fabric, adhering the fabric to the wall.The top is the trickiest; use plenty of starch, keep rubbing it, and it will start to ‘stick.’ As you work your way down the wall, be sure to sponge it on evenly and press down fairly hard; this will help to avoid bubbling once the fabric is dry. The starch looks white as it goes on but, like kids’ craft glue, dries clear, use this as an indication to make sure you have reached all parts of the fabric. After you’ve put the first strip of fabric on, tack up the next one, making sure to align any patterns. While I didn’t trim the edges before I attached the fabric, I would suggest doing so for a neater finish. For an even neater look, hem the edges or use an iron-on binding tape.
Proceed as above until you have finished covering the wall. Be sure to leave a small overlap along all edges. If you need to cut around any windows or irregularities, do so carefully with a utility knife, keeping in mind the fabric will shrink slightly as it dries. After a day or two, unpin the thumbtacks and trim away the excess fabric, being careful not to cut into the wallpaper below. For a neater edge, glue (on the fabric, not the wall) or tack ribbon around the edges. I used a one-inch satin ribbon to both neaten up the edges and also create a simple photo display area in the middle of the wall. When you want to take the fabric down, simply grab a corner and start peeling. If it doesn’t immediately start to come down, loosen the edge with a wet sponge and it will come straight off. Wash the fabric and reuse if desired.
In progress: here, the right-hand strip has been starched on, you can see how it is a slightly different colour. It will dry back to the original. I’ve aligned the pattern in the fabric by pulling up the strip on the left; make sure you buy enough extra fabric to allow you to do this.
Before and after. In the ‘after’ shots, you can see how I’ve used blue ribbon to neaten the edges after trimming, as well as to make a photo display area.
ALL EASY LIVING by Richard Sproston and Natasha Williams
Natasha says: Richard and I wrote our last article following our first major meeting, the one where I told him the things I wanted to see, do, or have in my life. We made a list and while I was a little bit overwhelmed by the length of it, I was so excited by how relaxing yet fulfilling, organised, and productive my life would be that I conveniently overlooked one key thing; while saying you want something certainly opens you up to the so-called power of attraction, there is still work involved in getting to your dream life. So while I remained completely inspired by Richard and our work together as a whole, the two weeks between our first and second session were also a little bit frustrating. As the list of things I wanted to accomplish before our next session seemed to get longer and longer as the number of days remaining to finish my ‘homework’ got fewer and fewer, I have to admit that I occasionally felt a little bit like I was back in school; just the sensation I had been so avoiding since semester ended. On the other hand, the beauty (and evidently the pain) of working with Richard is that, like in school, there is a deadline and a consequence for not meeting that deadline. Of course, Richard won’t be taking away a letter grade for every day I’m late with an action step, but the sense of accountability he provides forced me to make the time for myself and start doing the jobs I’d set out to do. Two weeks later, I can’t say that I’d made a 100 percent return to my ‘anything can happen’ attitude of the post-first-meeting high but I’d started to tick things off the list and as I met Richard again I was ready to look ahead to turning my mountain of ideas into a set of concrete SMART goals that were in manageable, measurable, and time-limited chunks. Again, I left the meeting inspired but soon ran into the reality of following up on everything. As I quickly found out, working out at least two times a week means, well yes, working out. And doing so despite the fact that a long day in the office and a lengthy Tokyo commute leaves me inevitably frazzled and ready for bed, not a run. However, once I actually get moving, I love working out and I ended up exceeding my goal for the time frame in this category. It has also encouraged me to start a new sport—rock climbing—which inadvertently helps me towards another one of my goals— loving all that Tokyo has to offer. I also moved apartments between our last two meetings and this has given me the opportunity to
Natasha’s life spread out in Starbucks.
image: Richard Sproston
This is the third in a series of articles about Natasha Williams and her quest to improve her life with the help of coach Richard Sproston of The Forge. Here, they talk about some of the challenges facing Natasha in her journey.
make big progress on one of my goals—to love everything that is in the space I live in. One of the simple things I noted almost as a joke in our first meeting: ‘buy more fresh flowers!’ has led to a big pot of long stem pink tulips sitting beside my desk. Each time I walk in and see the flowers, I get a little jolt of happiness that far outweighs their ¥310 investment! It was a small and simple step, yet shockingly valuable to my life—a life that I saw spread literally before my eyes at our third and most recent meeting, this one in a Starbucks in Ebisu. Richard asked me to write out everything I have going on in my life, or want to have going on; one per Post-it note. Once I got into it, I started writing down, in increasing detail, everything that is going on, putting the Post-its up on the wall. First, I was asked to decide how to group the tasks together in a way logical to me, then prioritise within the groups, then prioritise the groups themselves. Doing this actually showed me that I have more balance in my life than I might have thought before and seeing the things I’ve added since I started working with Richard—cooking healthy meals, running, rock climbing, and living in a room I love, I managed to go from just a little bit resentful of the extra ‘work’ to actually proud of what I’ve done so far and where I’m going. Richard says: This time Natasha mentioned that she felt a little less enthusiastic about the coaching process after her initial excitement. This is normal. After we take the time to work out what would really make us happy (which in itself is something very few of us take the time to do) we are left with what remains: a list of actions we need to take that can’t be avoided—not if we really want to see the changes we’ve dreamed about. Natasha seems to have begun to realise that if she truly wants the things she wrote down at the start of coaching, then she’s really the only one who can make them happen. This process of actively taking responsibility for one’s life and results can be scary at first, so I’m hoping that Natasha feels supported by me as her coach as she gets used to taking the actions that will improve her life. At the start of this month’s coaching, we went through the list of things Natasha wanted to be different about her life and then started to prioritise them and turn them into goals. Many people’s goals aren’t really goals at all: they are more like wishes. To turn a wish into a powerful goal, we need to make them ‘SMART.’ SMART goals are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. To give an example, “I will get healthy” is not a good goal because we don’t know what “healthy” really means and we have no way of measuring our progress. Instead, saying: “I will be able to comfortably wear my favourite jeans again
coaching a broad
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by my birthday,” or “I will lose three kilograms by June 23” are SMART goals. After working out her SMART goals, it was time for Natasha to begin taking action, starting off with things she felt pretty comfortable doing, before moving on to something a little more challenging. This can be difficult at first and, although Natasha has begun to realise this, I was happy to see that she’s already making excellent progress. The thing I was most pleased to see was that Natasha has already stopped feeling guilty about taking time to relax and enjoy herself. This was a huge contrast compared to when we first met— at that time Natasha was spending a huge amount of time in the office, yet still feeling guilty when she wasn’t working. She hasn’t by any means swung to the “lazy” side of the scale, but she does seem to be valuing herself more by taking greater care of herself and doing the things that she finds personally rewarding. Overall, Natasha’s life seems to be healthier and more balanced than it was just a few weeks ago. On top of that I pointed out to Natasha that she’s actually doing more than she committed to, for example, exercising more than she’d originally planned. This often happens in coaching because once the initial resistance is overcome the next action seems easier and less intimidating: we set goals and then use the coaching process to make sure that we achieve them instead of merely having good intentions. Natasha has made a great start to her coaching in these first two months: clarifying her vision, planning the changes she wants and the steps she’ll need to take, and then overcoming resistance and taking action. It’s not all plain sailing—this is real life— but at the rate she’s going I’m sure she will soon see a lot more positive changes in her life. This is great because in the next few months Natasha has set BAB herself some pretty major goals to achieve. What kind of life would you like to have? If you’d like to get some free resources to help you start moving forwards, check out the free resources and video on Richard’s website: www.theforge.co.jp.
Being A Broad March 2009
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by Charlotte Lewis Karate training.
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seriously. I turned up in a t-shirt and sweatpants and admit that I was relieved to see that there were quite a few women and girls in the class along with other beginners. We did a lot of stretching at the beginning and end of the session and the moves were very controlled. I enjoyed myself and decided to come again. After several sessions I bought a karate suit (gi) and a white belt. Three months later I took a grading exam, passed, and got my first colour belt. That was the point when I really became hooked. I couldn’t wait to get the next belt. Attending classes the recommended two or three times a week was a struggle at times, but wanting
couple more years before I felt comfortable enough to finally take the black belt exam. During the test, though, I made a mistake in one of the sequences and failed. I didn’t take it too personally and was even more determined to train harder for the second time, but I had a setback in that I tore a knee ligament on a skiing trip, which put me out of action for more than six months. I was beginning to think I would never make it to black belt but when I got back to training again, the knee injury actually made me more mindful of my balance and centre of gravity. I prepared to take my black belt test a second time, and at last, I passed! It felt as if my
I have seen a divorcee training with her son and both getting their black belts at the same time (hope the ex doesn’t return too soon!).
all images provided by: Charlotte Lewis
sports & fitness
KARATE MY WAY
have had an on-off relationship with karate for at least ten years now. It began as a form of exercise and has now become a part of life. What do I like about karate? I like the idea of exercising while learning how to fight and defend myself. I like that it is a sport for which you do not need a team or much equipment, yet you are not completely alone either. It all started, or rather didn’t start, during my first week at university. There was a fair with stalls for all kinds of societies and groups for new students to join. I was young, healthy, and keen to try lots of new experiences. I picked up information for the karate group and soon after I turned up one morning at a gymnasium across
to move up a level motivated me to attend as much as possible. About a year later I moved to a different part of London and it became hard to train at my original club. I found out that my club was affiliated to the Japan Karate Association (JKA), one of the main karate organisations, and there were a few other member clubs around London. It was easy to find the head UK club in a back street of Soho, central London. The instructor was Sensei Enoeda, who has now sadly passed away but who is still remembered in karate circles. That was when I started to really appreciate karate as a Japanese sport. I trained for three years at that club, met a lot of really great people, and reached brown belt— one belt before black. Up until that point, I had been moving up the belts, if not speedily, then at least steadily. However, at brown belt level, it felt like I had reached a kind of plateau. I knew the exam for black belt was a lot more demanding than at
Classes tend to focus more on the basic moves and mental attitude can be just as important as the physical side. town, interested in trying out some beginner karate. As I approached the practice hall, I could hear loud shouts and, peering in, saw two rows of large, muscular young men attacking one another. I felt intimidated and I slipped away without anyone even noticing my arrival. Karate was quickly forgotten for the next few years. Out of university and working in London, I saw that there were karate classes at a sports centre close to my home. There was something about karate that still appealed. I decided to try a class but never really expected to take it
the lower levels. I felt unprepared and lacked confidence. Instead of training more frequently, I actually trained less, and I started to feel less enthusiastic somehow, being distracted more easily by other things. It wasn’t until I came to Japan that I started to get serious about karate again. Tokyo was where the headquarters of the organisation I’d been training with, the JKA, was located. I started to train there about three times a week but still didn’t feel strong enough, so I joined a gym and took up jogging. It took a
long journey with karate had all been for that moment—and it felt fantastic. Training in Japan: I found that training in Japan has its own unique features compared to the time I was training in the UK. For example, after class we are all expected to clean the dojo floor together. Classes tend to focus more on the basic moves and mental attitude can be just as important as the physical side. The way one sits or comports oneself is important. Slouching or looking too relaxed just doesn’t do. If I am totally honest I found some of my classes in Japan to be rather basic and repetitive to the point of boredom sometimes, but I realised that this is all part of the karate way in Japan—to practise and practise in search of elusive perfection. Hanging out before and after class in order to learn moves from your seniors and politely acknowledging your sensei can increase the feeling of belonging. For those not familiar with Japanese language, the sometimes lengthy explanations can seem overly complicated, but actually most things can be understood through body language. The nice thing about karate is that it really is a worldwide sport. Moving countries does not mean you have to stop your move up the karate ladder. It is recommended to train with one of the handful of main karate organisations. Training with a split-off faction may be fun and convenient, but an orthodox style gives arguably more comprehensive training and is more readily acknowledged by fellow martial artists. Basic description of karate Most karate classes focus on three areas—basic moves (kihon), performance routines (kata), and sparring (kumite). Many people think of the sparring part when they visualise karate but actually it is a small component of the whole
down sessions along with deep breathing, which I find has similar effects to yoga. Karate is tough on the knees as many stances require knees to be bent at right angles. At first I enjoyed karate purely for the physical benefits but over the years the sport
I passed! It felt as if my long journey with karate had all been for that moment—and it felt fantastic. and the total energy that you are putting into the move. Due to there being a large number of factions and styles of karate, it is hard to generalise much more than this. Benefits for the body and mind: Karate has definitely helped me to keep in shape. My arms and back in particular became very toned and my thighs gained muscles in a good way. Strong stomach muscles are important for good karate so these naturally firm up too. Karate also encourages good posture and balance. Training incorporates plenty of stretching in the warm up and warm
has given me mental strength too. Different dojos have their own codes of conduct but generally focus on themes such as perfection of character, endeavour, respecting others, refraining from violent behaviour, and leadership. These themes permeate into everyday life. Accessibility of karate to women and children: Karate is a great sport for women and children to get into. There are often special classes for women and children but it is also fine to train in the standard classes. I have seen a divorcee training with her son and both getting their black
belts at the same time (hope the ex doesn’t return too soon!). People with higher belts than you will usually be sensitive to the fact so really there is little real danger. A few bruises merely help to toughen you up. Most clubs have a membership system where you pay a monthly fee of around ¥10,000. To get the most benefit out of karate you should attend class more than once a week. Karate styles vary, so you may want to try out a few styles or classes before deciding which is best. If you are thinking of starting karate, being in Japan BAB is really a great opportunity to do so. Facts: Origin of Modern Karate: Okinawa. There is evidence of Chinese martial arts in Okinawa from as early as the 14th century. Main karate types: Shootookan-ryu, goojuu-ryu, shitoo-ryu, wadoo-ryu, and kyokushin. (Martial arts movie actor Jean-Claude Van Damme practises the shotokan karate style.) Books: anything by the ‘father of modern karate’ Gichin Funakoshi, Karate-Do—My Way of Life, Karate-Do—Nyuumon, and Karate-Do—Kyoohan. • A karate practitioner is called a karateka. • The do suffix in karate-do signifies a path to self-knowledge, not just a study of the technical aspects of fighting; literally: ‘the way of.’ • The ryu suffix as in wadoo-ryu means ‘style of.’ • Dan refers to gradings of black belt, with the shodan or first dan being the lowest. Grades below black belt are referred to as kyuus, with ikkyuu, first kyuu, being the highest, just below black belt. • The white karate uniform is known as a gi. • Although karate does not have 2012 Olympic status, it may do so in the future. The World Karate Federation is an umbrella organisation recognised by the International Olympic Committee as being responsible for karate competition in the Olympic games. www.karateworld.org Karate school research: Try typing “karate organisation japan” into Google. For beginners, it is recommended to join an official organisation of one of the orthodox styles (listed above) rather than starting with one of the myriad breakaway styles which tend to come and go. Japan Karate Association: Shotokan Karate headquarters are near Iidabashi station. Phone or visit to find out about joining and class times www.jka.or.jp/ english/about/contact.html, tel. 035800-3091.
Karate training. Being A Broad March 2009
sports & fitness
and sparring is very controlled up until brown belt level. Oh, and there is no chopping of breeze blocks! For each grading you need to learn a few extra moves. It is not difficult to get belts at the lower levels. You will have to shout at key moments to demonstrate your exertion
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WORK PROFILE: ALISON SMYTH of NTT World Engineering Marine Corporation Alison at work. image: provided by Alison Smyth
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Name: Alison Smyth Nationality: British Qualifications: MBA, Executive Training Program Japan, Higher National Diploma Mechanical Engineering Job title: general manager, commercial Employer: NTT World Engineering Marine Corporation Time in this job: one year and four months Job description: When people ask me what I do and I tell them that I am involved in submarine cables, they usually ask if I wire up submarines. I am not involved in submarines but I am involved in the industry that installs submarine telecom cables onto and into the seabed around the world. Since the mid 1800s, cables have been laid and buried into the seabed, providing a high speed, low cost, and high quality transmission medium for international telecommunications. My company has cable ships; large and small, specifically designed for the purpose of quickly and effectively installing cables. Submarine cables consist of fibre optics, each one of which is no thicker than a strand of hair, encased in plastic, and protected by helically-wound armouring wires. These cables are tightly coiled into cable ships (during loading, the ship is berthed beside the cable factories, which are generally in port locations) and the cables are then transported to site and installed. Cables are either laid on the seabed or buried into the seabed, depending on the water depth, to prevent damage from fishing activities. Typically submarine cables are buried into the seabed where the water depth is less than one thousand metres and thereafter surface laid in deep waters. The deepest waters are found in the Pacific Ocean and in the Marianas trenches east of Guam, which is 10.9km deep in places. In deep water the cable can take several days before it actually sinks to the bottom. General requirements: My role is a cross functional one covering commercial, financial, operational, and relationship management. NTT We Marine is owned by NTT Communications and Global Marine Systems Limited (a UK Company) and is part of a group of companies that work closely together. It has offices and facilities in Yokohama, Nagasaki, and Manila and the group companies are based in Shanghai, Singapore, and the UK. The attributes that got me the job were a background in submarine cables as well as telecommunications, my Japanese skills, relationship management, strong commercial and technical skills, flexibility, and patience.The last one is the most important, I think, as decisions in all the countries mentioned here can be very long with every country having their own requirements and governance. Japanese requirement: Even although the
majority of my work is in English, my Japanese skills are absolutely beneficial, for instance most meetings are held in Japanese and these tend to be very long so it helps to be able to keep track of discussions (even if I do not understand 100 percent of what is said). More importantly, it means that I can immediately pick up on points in meetings and contribute, rather than having to wait until the end of the meeting for a briefing of the discussions. How she found this job: I found out about the job by pure chance during the Shanghai Grand Prix in 2006. I was attending with my husband when we met with an old colleague from ten years ago who had just moved to Shanghai. He explained that there was an opening in the Japanese office. I was working in London at the time for a completely different part of the industry and decided to send a speculative letter to the CEO, and after five months of discussions I accepted the job and moved to Japan three months later. Best thing: The best thing is the variety of work and the fact that every day is different. Our area of business is within Asia Pacific and covers a region from Singapore and Indonesia in the west to Hawaii in the east, from Kamchatka in the north to Papua New Guinea and North Australia in the south. Worst thing: The worst thing and the best thing are actually the same, in that with every day being so different, the workload can be very heavy at times. Some days I work until very late balancing commercial (bid proposals and terms and conditions), financial, and operational aspects to suit the cultures within the group and also for a very wide variety of customers. An example is with the sharing of resources; every company within the group has its operational requirements to suit both its existing and new customers but sometimes, if the industry is busy, all group companies request the same resources at the same time. In addition to that, our customers are usually cable manufacturers who bid for the network builds of the large telecom companies. They all tend to approach one or more companies in the group for proposals to install the cables, so we are
all bidding for the same project. Whilst we all have to communicate to manage resources we also have to make sure that customer-sensitive information is not passed to others within the group. Reminding ourselves that we have our own profit and loss accounts usually focuses the mind, though. Interesting stories: In addition to visiting some wonderful cities I get to visit some rather strange places too. In Golden Week last year we had a cable operation off Ajigaura, Ibaraki prefecture, and I visited the site with several other colleagues, customers, and subcontractors. We took over a very old minshuku (as there were no hotels anywhere nearby and there were a lot of us) and in the dead of night we were hit by two earthquakes measuring more than six on the Japanese scale plus countless aftershocks! It was like something out of a horror film but still my Japanese colleagues remained asleep (despite me banging on their doors trying to warn them of impending disaster). Watching the walls buckle and twist was rather unsettling, however even though we were in close proximity to a nuclear power station and within sight of the sea, luckily there was no disaster. Japanese buildings are built to withstand it all. My nerves are a little more fragile! Issues affecting her as a woman: I have a long history in the telecom industry; in a number of roles (technical and commercial) and this means that I am able to talk to a wide spectrum of people knowledgeably about my subject and therefore I generally find people have respect for what I have to say. This has helped when I’ve experienced negativity from Japanese people who sometimes think that I can be ignored as a token foreigner. Recommended resources: www.nttwem.co.jp and www. globalmarinesystems.com for further information regarding submarine cables and to see what a cable ship looks like, www. bccjapan.com for interesting seminars, and www.etpaj.org for more information on the ETP training program. Other jobs done in Japan: I have worked for Cable & Wireless IDC and also spent three months BAB training at Itochu Corporation in 1999.
Please help my family find peace.
My name is Lindsay Ann Hawker
I was murdered in March 2007 and buried in a bath of sand on the balcony of  Tatsuya Ichihashi’s apartment in Tokyo.
Ichihashi escaped from the police and still has not been found. If you have any information that may lead to his arrest, please call the Japanese police on 047-397-0110.
WITH A PLAN by Tokyo English Lifeline’s My Persson
people who want to approach you as well as those who need to remember you. When you enter a room full of people, don’t just head straight for the bar. With a smile on your lips (and ‘fake it ‘till you make it’), wait a few seconds, take a look around, let other people see you, and initialise eye contact.This is a good trick, not only because it allows others to notice you but also these are people you can approach later: you have already broken the ice with them. And trust me: there is always someone feeling more nervous and more self-conscious than you. Warm up by starting a conversation with someone lurking around in a corner or next to the hors d’oeuvres. Most certainly this person will be glad of the attention (I was!). Smile and introduce yourself. We are fortunate that there are always interesting topics to talk about when living in Tokyo! But don’t be ashamed of using tried and tested phrases like “How long have you lived in Japan?” because the key to successful social interaction is to be interested rather than interesting: Listen rather than talk. Personally, I ask people for their favourite spots and bars in Tokyo, since I’m always curious to learn about new, exciting places to go. If your interests are hiking or travelling, for example, why not ask about that? People always enjoy talking about things they know well to a good listener. When you’re warmed-up and feeling more confident, consider approaching a group of people. The secret is to have a feel for which groups are ‘open’ for people to join them and which groups are not; so-called ‘closed’ groups. The dynamics of these groups will often change throughout the evening, so sooner or later you will get your chance to network with most if not all of them. An ‘open group’ may consist of two or three or more people that are standing with some distance between them and with their shoulders and upper bodies slightly turned away from the group, making it easy for someone outside to fill in one of the ‘gaps’ between them. Whereas in a ‘closed group’ people are standing close to each other with their shoulders and upper bodies facing only each other, leaving no ‘gap’ between them to be filled. If you often find that people don’t let you into their group, perhaps it’s because you have chosen to interact with a ‘closed group.’ Try to pay attention to people’s body language. Are you getting the hang of it? Then, it’s time to go into how to end conversations nicely— after all, you are to meet as many new people as possible. An easy way to finish the conversation is to say: “I really enjoyed talking to you.” Most
Even just handing out meishi can be a big step. image: iStockphoto/tomazi
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e have all been there: cotton mouth, heart pounding, kicking oneself for not throwing on something more stylish, and feeling like everybody else in the room seems to know each other, and worse—seems to know exactly what they are doing. But don’t worry. If I could learn, so can you! Before moving to Tokyo I used to dread and even detest networking events, completely oblivious to the fact that I was doing myself a disfavour when it came to my career. After moving to Tokyo and realising that sending out my resume wasn’t enough, I was forced (yes, that’s how it felt!) to turn to networking and, somewhere along the way, I discovered that this whole networking business wasn’t that bad after all. Actually, after I got the hang of it, I even found myself enjoying it. Before going to an event, set some goals: consider what you want to achieve that evening. These should be simple and easy to accomplish, like: ‘Tonight I will talk to five strangers,’ or ‘Today I will give out eight business cards.’ Or, it could simply be about just getting there (a big achievement if you are quite new to Japan). Start with modest goals and pat yourself on the back if you meet them. If it really feels too intimidating to go alone, bring a friend or a colleague and use them as a ‘comfort zone’ during the event, but do try to avoid only talking to them all night! If you’re already a networking pro, you could set your goals a bit higher. Firstly, identify the people you would like to come in contact with, that is, someone from your field of business, a potential customer, or a recruiter, for example. Secondly, decide what you want to gain from that encounter, like pitching one of your ideas or setting up a lunch meeting. Regardless of whether you are a beginner or a pro, you need to have a ‘personal pitch,’ a short, snappy presentation of yourself and your work (no longer than 20–30 seconds). A useful tip is to include a piece of information that is easy for the other person to follow up on, for example, “I speak four languages,” “I used to work in Spain,” or anything that you want to emphasise. Keep it focused on your work and the added value you can bring. Appearance is important, too. Wear something that you feel that you look good in. If you don’t feel comfortable in business wear, mix it up with your favourite elegant top or your best accessories to make you feel more like yourself. Don’t be afraid to show a little of your personality in the way you dress: if you feel good you will project confidence. Wear something a little eye catching, for example: colour can be good or a statement piece of jewellery can work well and make an easy conversation piece for
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A PARTY
likely the other person’s response will be something affirmative to which you can respond with: “Good, have fun,” or “Enjoy the rest of the event,” and then go your separate ways. Another nice way of ending a conversation is to introduce the person you are with to someone else, “This is Jennie, she works in HR as a recruiter” and “Jennie, this is Akiko, she is new to the recruiting business in Tokyo, I think you two will hit it off.” This technique, however, might take practice and requires you to know people already. Prepare a few ‘ending phrases’ in case you need them or listen to what others say and, if you like their approach, try it yourself next time. In conclusion, networking is an art: one which requires a little push to undertake and some patience to master, and, like all art, each of us will have our own unique style. Remember, though, that practice makes perfect, never forget your business cards, and check your appearance briefly before walking into a room. Keep an open mind, don’t judge people, and you will be just fine. Most importantly, perhaps, drop all those excuses for BAB not getting out there and just do it! Looking for a place to start? Here are some networking groups specifically geared towards women in Japan: • College Women’s Association of Japan: www. cwaj.org • Foreign Executive Women (Kansai): www. fewkansai.com • Association of Women in Finance: http:// blog.awftokyo.com • Foreign Women Lawyers’ Association: www2. gol.com/users/fwla For more information about TELL’s key workshops or to communicate with My Persson, please email: workshop@tell.jp. TELL is a registered non-profit organisation that has been providing information and emotional support to the international and Japanese communities for over 35 years. www.telljp.com.
Being A Broad March 2009
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TOGETHER by Amy Dose
Amy’s sister and brother with their parents on graduation day.
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Amy (centre) with her brother and sister in England in 2008. images: provided by Amy Dose
real-life story
BLENDING
’m adopted. I was given up for adoption shortly after birth. I became a state of the ward and lived in an orphanage until I was 18 months old. My mother (American) and father (British) were working overseas in Hong Kong and longed to have children of their own. After a couple years of unsuccessfully trying to have children, they first adopted my brother and a couple of years later they adopted me. About a year later, my mom became pregnant with my sister. We returned to the US in 1981 and are considered a blended family, combining biological and non-biological children. Two-and-a-half percent of all children in the US are adopted. The US adopts more children per capita than any other country. According to the US Department of State, in 2008 there were 17,388 adoptions to the United States. Of those, only 35 adoptions came from Japan. The adoption rate per thousand births differs dramatically from Japan to the US, a mere 1.6 to America’s 31.4. Only 1.6 percent of children are born out of wedlock to Japanese mothers compared to 33 percent of American mothers. Many people in Japan have a deep aversion to adoption. Japanese culture places a great emphasis on blood relations, so for many Japanese someone else’s child would never feel like true family. Extended family ties are strong in Japan and relatives often care for each other’s children when the need arises. But when that is not possible—for financial or other reasons— many relatives would rather see these children in state homes than adopted by strangers. In 2006 the Jikei Hospital in Kumamoto Prefecture opened a konotori no yurikago (stork cradle) hatch, allowing parents to leave their child safely and anonymously. Many vocal critics of the ‘baby hatch’ are afraid it may encourage parents to opt out of their responsibilities. Legal barriers and prejudice against adoption in Japan may mean that children abandoned in the ‘baby hatch’ will be raised in institutions rather than by
adopted parents. A large majority of the 30,000 children living in Japan’s children’s homes will remain there until they are old enough to work. Research shows growing up in an institution often leads to disadvantages in emotional development, education, and employment, which is why many say attitudes towards adoption need to be changed in Japan. Attitudes are shaped by everything from Confucian teachings to a detailed household registry system that can plague unwed mothers for their entire lives, even after they give their child up for adoption. Confucianism, which spread to Japan from China and Korea more than a thousand years ago, emphasises the importance of a child’s relationship with its birth parents and reverence for ancestry. “Children in need of adoption have been stigmatised by notions of pure and impure or good and bad blood,” Peter Hayes of Britain’s
Adoption has a way of bringing different families together, forming new friendships, and allowing parents to share their experiences. It brings tears to my eyes listening to why parents choose to adopt and helps me better understand what my parents might have experienced during the entire process. I am proud to be adopted and welcome any questions by friends curious to know but too polite to ask. Our parents were very open and honest, letting us know that we were adopted and answering any questions that we might have. As I got older and understood the situation better, of course I had questions; it’s only natural that I did.What does she look like, does she think about me on my birthday, why did she give me up, is she even still alive? It’s therapeutic to talk about it and I realise the sacrifices that were made, allowing me to live a better life, full of opportunities my biological parents could not
I am content with the life I have been given, the loving parents I have, and the incredible family I am a part of. Sunderland University and Toshie Habu wrote in their book Adoption in Japan. When women give birth they must enter the child’s name on their family register, a powerful incentive for single women to end a pregnancy or even abandon a newborn rather than risk it being discovered by a potential employer or future husband. Those who do adopt often move away to a place where they are not known, covering up their child’s origin. Unlike the Japanese, there is no stigma attached to me, my family, or other adoptees and families in the US. Yeah, we were different than other families; we didn’t look like our parents; instead we had squinty eyes and flatter noses. But we learned it wasn’t about looks, it was about love. I have cousins that were adopted and I have known friends that were adopted too.
give me. I cannot imagine what my life would be like had I not been adopted and am thankful for everything I have been given. My husband is also adopted and it’s a unique and special bond we share. He was adopted at a very young age but his situation is slightly different than mine. He knows who his biological mother is and to this day they remain very close friends. You look at the two of them together and you can see where he gets his chin from and the shape of his nose. Part of me is envious of their relationship but at the same time it satisfies some of my curiosities and I am content with the life I have been given, the loving parents I have, and the incredible family I am a part of. We look forward to one day having children of our own and are open to both pregnancy and adoption; BAB making our own blended family.
ACROSS OCEANS by Ulara Nakagawa
G
Ulara with her grandmother.
image: provided by Ulara Nakagawa
randma has given me a shouji (traditional Japanese writing) painting on a scroll with my name depicted on it in one kanji character. She made it for me at my request, when I recently decided I wanted something original and meaningful tattooed on my body the next time I return to Canada. I imagine she threw away 20 copies of the print before settling on the one she handed me, neatly rolled and tied shut with a thin black rope. For me these moments, as valued as they are, are always also slightly bittersweet. Sweet because I am so grateful for the close friendship I’ve somehow maintained with a grandmother across the Pacific Ocean for twenty-seven years before my moving to Japan almost two years ago. A relationship so open and pure it has an 83-year-old Japanese lady drinking wine, talking sex, and having sleepovers with her 28-yearold-granddaughter. Less-than-sweet, because when I am with her I am always reminded of the woman who links us—the woman one of us knows as a mother, the other as a daughter, who is always missing from the picture. My mother is back in Canada, where she takes great pleasure in walking her three dogs in the beautiful wilderness of Vancouver, BC,
other ‘white’ families were better than my own because they were not Japanese. Of course, I have since learned that ethnicity and culture have nothing to do with what a family should
A relationship so open and pure it has an 83-yearold Japanese lady drinking wine, talking sex, and having sleepovers with her 28-year-old granddaughter. watching CNN, and eating organic food. She has been there for over three decades and it has been, and always will be, her home. She does not really like to visit her home country—I suspect she mostly worries about her pet clan being left home alone. My mother and I have a decent relationship, but since coming to Japan I would say it has become more distant due to overseas phone call costs, a hectic lifestyle on my part, and one skipped winter holiday trip home (to spend with, ironically, family here including Grandma). Perhaps also we have never been super close as, growing up in Canada, I always thought my family was a bit dysfunctional because we were Japanese. It was the only logical conclusion I could come to growing up in a mostly AngloSaxon suburban neighborhood without any other Japanese families as a reference point to dispute my theory. How I envied the Sunday shopping and brunch sessions my friends had with their mothers on weekends, when instead my mother would be driving me to Japanese school way across town. Such lifestyle differences only confirmed the idea that all
real-life story
A RELATIONSHIP
or should not be. And luckily, where I did not get to take part in Western family culture firsthand in my immediate home, I took part in enough Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners at my friends’ houses to get my fill of turkey and experience. Also, I can easily name at least three women off the top of my head, in the form of former bosses, teachers, and friends’ mothers, who have treated me with such
when his family could no longer afford to raise him. She had always also wanted a daughter, so my mother, being the first-born girl, naturally became hers. So my mother was raised a spoiled post-war princess, an only child, by her grandmother while the rest of her six siblings that followed were all raised tumbling around the tiny barbershop and home and all around the shores of the small fishing island on which they grew up. By the time my greatgrandmother passed away and my mother went back to the island, she was an adult, not interested in staying on a tiny island in rural Japan but wanting to explore the world and she was off again, never having had much time to reconnect with her own mother. So in the end, having lived now in Japan for almost two years (that I never would
Of course, I have since learned that ethnicity and culture have nothing to do with what a family should or should not be. kindness and mentorship that I can safely say the experiences and joys of daughterhood have come and continue to come from many different people and places. My mother and grandmother also do not have a particularly strong relationship, for different reasons altogether. The story goes that back in the day, when my mother was born, she was stolen away by my greatgrandmother—who could not bear children of her own. She was very wealthy, however, so she adopted my grandfather during the war
have predicted) I feel pretty grateful. I thank my mother, who may not have given me the conventional but who has always followed her heart and is content with her life on her own terms. I thank the countless friends, mothers, and mentors, teachers, bosses, and coworkers who have stepped in when I needed them most. And I look at the beautiful scroll painting in my hand and thank the relationship, that has only grown stronger and better with the closing of an ocean between us, that I have BAB with my grandmother. Being A Broad March 2009
21
mothers
A RUDE
AWAKENING by S.Z. Cairney “
Well?” Enquired my dinner companion as I laid down the manuscript. “We would be...” “We?” I countered, hint of a smile as a waiter appeared from nowhere and topped up our supply of Dom Perignon...Johnny smiled that deep grin of his and brushed a lock of dark hair from his forehead. “OK...me. I’ll be totally up-front with you, Rosebuddie. I really want you on board with this project.This part is yooou, baby...” (Enveloping my hand with his), “it was written for you. You are...” arms outstretched for emphasis, “…you are Majestica. You personify all things that all women want to be. Glamour, a woman at the helm of her destiny. An outstanding mum to three kids who manages to
Just crackling...damn, have I missed whoever it was? “Hello! Anyone there?....Mum! Mum! Are you OK? What’s happened? Is everyone OK? It’s…” eyes squinting at time on TV, “.... it’s 2:30am here. Mum, Mum, listen are you OK? What? Slow down. What’s happened? Of course I’m OK, why wouldn’t I be? An earthquake… here in Tokyo?..” I do quick body check to make sure I am OK and check room. “Mum, I live near Nakano not Nagano...yes, it’s quite a bit away....A two point five on the scale? Still scary for the folk over in Nagano but not a big one. Mum, Mum, listen. Do you remember that chart I sent over to you? The one with the numbers
“Mum, I live near Nakano not Nagano...yes, it’s quite a bit away....”
22
juggle a successful career that has you jet setting around the world.” I give a modest ‘oh it’s nothing, really’ shrug of my shoulders; Johnny continues: “... jet setting around the world, a book and exercise DVD out later this year, Ta’ra Tum Tum. Bye Bye Bum. Yet you still manage to make three homemade, nutritious meals a day, all ingredients homegrown and handpicked from your eco-garden, do volunteer work, raise money for several charities, and perform mind-blowing, gymnastic, multi-orgasmic sex with your husband every evening.” I shrug my shoulders again to show that, well, I just can’t believe it either. “As a favour to an old mate...” Puppy dog eyes on full G-force. “Come on Rosebuddie…I’d be forever in your…” eyebrows raised playfully... “Depp...” As two giggling teenagers launched themselves at our table. “Mr. Depp! Mr. Depp! Would you sign this for us please? We’re your number one fans!” Somewhere I hear a shrill pipping noise. “Just a minute ladies,” Johnny smiles dashingly as the two girls dissolve into a gushy pile. “That’ll be Steven asking if you’re in, Rosebuddie.” Jumping up and down the girls screech “Spielburg!” The pipping noise becomes louder, no doubt vying for attention over the chimpanzee antics of Johnny’s number one fans. “Where’s my mobile?” Johnny mutters to himself, well-manicured hands now flapping at pockets. Louder and louder and very annoying. My phone! I jump up out of the bed, disorientated, and stub my toe on furniture. Feeling better for releasing an enthusiastic expletive or two, I race downstairs with only my delightful, tatty dressing gown with spit up down the right shoulder and not-yet-identified small-human bodily fluids adorning the other shoulder as defence against the cold. What time is it? Please don’t hang up. Please let everyone be OK. I lunge and grab the headset. “Hello?”
down the side and a different photo of me next to each number? Yes, that’s it...OK, well if you look at the chart, check the seismic magnitude and corresponding photo...If the photo shows me screaming and cowering under a table or running around outside with no makeup, wearing only a washcloth with a huge brown stain around the crotch then get worried... You were in the car when you heard it on the radio? Oh, OK but next time, if you’re at home please check the chart out...OK! Where’s Dad? Can I have a word with him? He’s stuck in the car? Yeah I did, thanks. Loved the clothes...the waders are a bit on the small side for hubby though…You bought them for me? Oh, well that’s very nice of you...The paddy fields?... Mum, I live in Tokyo. You know Tokyo; concrete asphalt jungle, sky scrapers, neon lights, and all that. I don’t have to wade through hundreds of paddy fields just to get to work. Shogun is set nearly two hundred years ago, Mum. Things have changed quite a lot since then…No Mum, The Killing Fields is Cambodia, different country, different part of Asia. Well, everyone might all look the same to you but they aren’t! Just as all of Europe isn’t the same.” (Sighing.) “Yes, of course we are still coming over at Christmas. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. No, no, anything is fine...Oh, but just one thing. Could you have a word with Uncle Harry? No, no problem but I don’t think Hero’s family appreciate his jokes at times…What do you mean, what do I mean? Yes, yes, Uncle Harry is the life and soul of any party but introducing himself as a millionaire and saying he made his money as a scrap metal merchant in Hawaii during the Second World War didn’t go down too well…Just a wee word please Mum! Thanks! Mum, we go through this every time. I am a married woman with kids in her forties. I really
think it’s OK for hubby and I to sleep in the same room…I know I’ll always be your baby but I am a big grown up baby now…I have babies of my own...How do you think they got…? I know you don’t want to think about it but...Right, OK, OK Mum. Thanks. I didn’t know you still had my Bagpuss duvet set...OK, it’ll be lovely...The kids are gorgeous as ever. I am thinking of starting shopping online for a bit though.Well, the other day I had both of them in the tandem pram and Twin Girl in the back suddenly decided to do a striptease and threw her nappy into the dairy selection. Thank God it was only a pee pee one and as this was happening and my attention was diverted, Twin Boy in the front picked up a Japanese radish and threw it down the busy shopping aisle. Unfortunately the radish hit a woman on the back of her head and she wasn’t too pleased! I apologised profusely and she was OK. What do you mean, ‘what a wimp’? Have you ever seen a Japanese radish? They aren’t the rosy-cheeked, mini, round balls we have in England, they’re bloody huge. Like baseball bats! The twins are two years old Mum, remember? What do you mean we wouldn’t have done that? We were tinkers when we were kids! Oh, you mean like the next-door neighbour’s shed we accidentally burnt down? Or when I fell through another neighbour’s bedroom ceiling whilst racing across her rafters in the attic with her son...You don’t remember this? Oh, well I fell on top of her in bed with a guy who wasn’t her husband! Now who is looking back through rosytinted glasses here! I think you’ve conveniently forgotten a lot...or is it amnesia brought on by trauma and lack of counselling?” (Laughing) “OK! OK! I take it back. We were the kids from The Sound Of Music, before they were corrupted by Julie Andrews that is! Where’s Dad? Never mind ‘sat drinking a beer in the car’! Tell him to get on the phone and have a word with his eldest creation! Why, what’s wrong with his door? Is it the lock sticking again? What’s that noise in the background? It’s really loud! What do you mean you’ll have to go as the fire fighters have arrived? Where are you exactly? Which motorway? Mum, what’s happened? You veered off the road when you saw a pay phone and hit a car? Oh my God, are you OK? Dad? Are you sure he’s OK? He’s OK but just can’t get out as the door is jammed? Are you sure nobody’s hurt? Just a dent but it has jammed the door of the other car? Is the other guy OK? He’s sat having a beer too, keeping Dad company? Is someone shouting? Well, maybe the paramedics want to check them out and it’s pretty hard to do that with the patients swigging heartily from a can! Mum, what are you like? I just don’t bel—” BAB
PLAY AND MUSIC by Christina Bell
mothers
GYMBOREE
all images: provided by Gymboree
From drumming to the parachute, Gymboree has something for every toddler.
L
iving in Tokyo, parents are lucky enough to have a variety of child-friendly activities and lessons available to them, some more sophisticated than others. When I was asked to visit Gymboree, an establishment with a long history and solid reputation, I was curious as to whether or not it would live up to my expectations. Upon entering the Motoazabu location with my daughter, I looked for the basic things any parent looks for in an organised play or educational space. I scanned the premises for cleanliness, safety, and potential for amusement. Of course we all hope that our child’s experience will be more than just safe and amusing, but instinct demands this preliminary check before proceeding further. In this regard, Gymboree passes all first impressions magnificently. The space is bright, spotless, and cheerful. Everything that is meant to be accessible to children is sized appropriately, while areas that are intended for adults are well out of the reach of tiny hands. The staff is warm and welcoming, greeting many regular clients and their children by name when they enter. Even the lobby is family-friendly. Drinks and a variety of toys are waiting for families who arrive early or wish to linger after their class. When we were taken on a tour, it became clear that a great deal of research has gone into the development of Gymboree’s programs. Gym, music, and art classes are designed to match the developmental levels of babies and toddlers as they grow and change. Six different levels have been established and children normally pass through them according to age. However, there is some flexibility accorded when warranted by individual needs. Each level acknowledges the subtle shift in interest levels and cognitive abilities between the age groups. Within each level, the themes of the programs change every two weeks for gym classes and every three weeks for music and art. However, some activities remain the same, providing a sense of continuity for kids. Music and art classes begin at level three, which includes children between ten and sixteen months of age. In music classes, children learn
about different genres of music from international music to rhythm and blues. Art classes include a variety of mediums, such as drawing and Playdoh, to draw out the creativity in any kid. My daughter and I started out with a gym class. As several children, including my daughter, wandered off to explore and other families arrived late, Naoko, our teacher, sat with us and explained that the class would focus on imaginary play that would help to teach motor and social skills. She was so calm and confident that even in the midst of the ordered chaos that surrounded us I couldn’t help but trust her. The theme of our lesson was the mail. Naoko wasted no time in beginning the planned activities. Kids took turns carrying foam block ‘parcels’ to the top of a small wooden climbing structure and sending them down a slide, thus putting them into the mail. The parcels then continued their journey as the children worked together to put them in the mail truck and push it towards its destination. They were also invited to participate in a game in which flat square ‘stamps’ were placed on the floor and everyone jumped from stamp to stamp in a big circle. Quick, organised activities were interspersed with plenty of breaks for free play. Throughout this process, the pace was perfect for small children who need to have their activities structured around their limited attention spans. If an activity didn’t appeal to a particular child, and some children chose to amuse themselves elsewhere, Naoko remained unfazed. I had the impression that all of the children could have wandered off and she would have continued the lesson word for word, waiting for something she said to be appealing enough to bring the kids back. So, I wondered, how is this leading to increased socialisation? I was especially curious because my daughter was the one who resisted group activities more than the others. She kept her distance from all organisation, choosing instead to go to another part of the play area and throw balls into a large tube over and over. Having been in many situations in which my child’s
indifference to structure was awkward, I was delighted by the fact that Naoko was completely at peace with each child’s decision to participate or not. During free play, another girl’s father explained to me that his daughter had done the same thing at first. He said that she eventually adapted the group play, just in time for his family to leave Tokyo for an extended vacation. Upon their return, she went through to process again, from individual exploration to returning to group activities. Kids need time to figure out what is happening, decide to participate, and begin to enjoy an activity. Seeing other kids have fun definitely seems to help speed up the process. It was in the second half of the class, during the activities that are regular components of the gym lessons, that my daughter gave in to Naoko’s guidance and good cheer. The parachute games proved to be irresistible to all of the children. Soon, all of the little people were running around together, giggling and chasing bubbles. We stayed on to try a music class, which operated under the same general philosophy as the gym class.The theme was rhythm and blues and kids had the opportunity to sing into a microphone, experiment with instruments, and dance. Just as in the gym class, there were moments when none of the children were with the program. However, our teacher Asuka powered on, completing each element of the lesson long after I would have thrown my hands in the air and given up. Ultimately, her perseverance paid off as individual kids discovered which element of the lesson appealed to them and began to interact with one another. The experience of Gymboree is more than just free playtime or structured lessons. It’s a series of events that is completely focused around the developmental needs of babies and toddlers. Kids of this age experience stimuli differently and have different versions of what qualifies as social interaction. The attention to these details, combined with the absolute patience of the teachers, makes a Gymboree class a family experience that reminds us of the BAB unequivocal value of play. For more information on Gymboree in Japan: www.gymboree.jp/en/index.php Motazabu: Motoazabu Crest Bldg., 1F, 2-3-30 Motoazabu, Minato-ku, tel. 03-5449-2311, Monday– Saturday 9:30am–6pm Jiyugaoka: Feel Bldg., 2F, 1-5-1 Jiyugaoka, Meguro-ku, tel. 03-3723-0651, Monday–Sunday 9:30am–6pm
Being A Broad March 2009
23
learning
MOTHER OF ALL JAPANESE SCHOOLS—THE NAGANUMA SCHOOL by Alena Eckelmann
T
he Tokyo School of the Japanese Language, usually just called The Naganuma School, is one of the oldest of all Japanese language schools in Tokyo. Established in 1948, it is now looking back on a history of an impressive 60 years of teaching Japanese and training teachers. This long tradition and the accumulated wealth of experiences have earned this school respect and accreditation in Japan and abroad. Naganuma is recommended by many foreign companies to their expatriate staffs and families and by the
very own cafeteria or read English newspapers and meet study buddies in the lobby. There are over 20,000 graduates from 45 countries of the world. Students from many different countries are studying at Naganuma at any given time, which makes it a very international environment. Chances are you will meet an ex-Naganuma somewhere during your stay in Japan. Each year there are also a large number of scholarship-holders, including Europeans on the EU-sponsored Executive
They would not have reached such a good level of Japanese if the school was not good.
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international offices of Tokyo’s top universities to their foreign students. Foreign universities send their students and international scholarship programs have signed up with the school to train their scholars there. What is it, then, that makes Naganuma so special? The Naganuma School was named after its founder, Naoe Naganuma, who published his first series of Japanese language books in 1931. The American government actually used these textbooks to train their troops before and during WWII. These textbooks and the ‘Naganuma method’ were created for students to learn communicating in Japanese as quickly as possible. Junkichi Suzuki, Principal of the school, who has been working at Naganuma for five years now, explains: “We particularly put emphasis on developing all-round oral proficiency for each level, from the beginner to the advanced level, by using a structured Q&A teaching methodology.” Teaching at Naganuma is in Japanese-only and students also use Japanese as common language on campus from the start of their course. This all helps them to speak Japanese in “the shortest period of time.” Students can choose from a wide range of study options, including regular courses of three-month modules, university preparation courses, four-and eight-week intensive courses, Japanese for business, conversation courses, evening classes, or private classes. The facilities of the school support a favourable learning environment. Located in popular Shibuya, the school consists of three buildings boasting over 60 classrooms, a fully-equipped language laboratory, a recording studio, a library that is equipped with a wide range of reference materials, and private study rooms. In addition, there is a PC room where students can use the computer and the internet for free or access the school’s e-learning site or other installed educational materials. After long hours of studying, students enjoy relaxing in the school’s
Training Program (ETP), Germans who are on a Japanese language scholarship from the German Academic Exchange Program (DAAD), and Brits with a grant from the Anglo-Japanese Foundation. The international aspect of the school is also influencing the school’s staff. Suzuki admits that his work with international students has changed him: “Talking to international students always teaches me an important lesson. They are helping me (unconsciously) to see things in a different way and to get rid of a narrow
Program that I joined. The choice was the program designers’ but I believe that their reason for selecting Naganuma was the school’s intensive schedule that kept us all on our toes, working very hard. Chosen course option at Naganuma Angela: Now I am attending the intermediate class but I will enter the upper level soon. I go there every day from Monday to Friday, which is very hard sometimes because the pressure is quite high. However, you learn a lot of Japanese in a short time. I went to Naganuma for three school terms now but with breaks in-between for travelling in Japan or abroad. Naganuma is not a relaxing school at all. I studied Japanese language and culture in Germany before, which helped me a lot when I started at Naganuma. Valeria: I am also attending the intermediate class in the afternoons, five days a week. I am planning to study at the Naganuma School until the end of August but maybe I will stay longer. I want to pass the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (JLPT) Level 2, which is a necessary prerequisite if you want to find a job in Japan. I hope that studying at Naganuma will help me to pass this test and get a job afterwards.
...it helps to broaden my mind and to communicate with Japanese people, which gives me access to Japanese society. and ego-centric viewpoint. In other words, I am also, and always will be, a student whenever I am facing them.” I talked to three women about their experiences at and impressions of this wellknown school: Why the Naganuma School? Angela: I was introduced to the Naganuma School by the Bosch Company (a well-known German firm), the employer of my husband. Bosch sends many employees and their family members to Naganuma, especially for private lessons in the evenings. Valeria: I studied Japanese at ‘Ca’Foscari’ Venice University for three years. After graduation, I planned to go to Japan to improve my Japanese before finding a job there. I started looking for a good Japanese language school in Tokyo. There are so many schools in Tokyo that the choice was not easy. At the beginning, I just searched the web and in one web forum I first learned about the Naganuma School. I then asked my professors and friends at university for advice. One of them had been to Naganuma and strongly recommended it as a very good school. Linda: Japanese lessons at the Naganuma School were part of the Executive Training
Linda: I did a one-year course of four to six hours daily! The course was first focusing on basic daily conversation, reading, and written language practice. After a while it became more oriented towards business-related vocabulary. There was a lot of repetition-based learning and hard discipline, which I was quite sceptical about, I have to admit. However, this approach was very successful in the end. Naganuma’s influence on your life and career? Angela: Naganuma influenced my social life in Japan very much. I met a lot of international friends whom I go out with for lunch or in the evenings. We enjoy talking in Japanese and also Tokyo’s nightlife. I have no future ambitions but studying languages is fun for me. Valeria: It’s been just a month and a half since I arrived at Naganuma School and I still don’t know so many people but I have already developed very good relationships with all my classmates. We often have fun together outside school. For example, we have dinner together, go to karaoke, or drink a beer at some izakaya. It is very interesting to talk to people from all over the world and to exchange opinions over different matters. My classmates are from Germany, the Ukraine, Macedonia, Vietnam, and
learning
Naganuma has three buildings and sixty classrooms.
Naganuma’s plate.
image: Paul Ivan
image: provided by Valeria Dall’armellina
image: provided by Naganuma
image: Paul Ivan
Linda outside Nagamuma school. Chile. Most of my classmates have a partner who is working at a company here in Japan. They have come to Japan with their partners and are now learning Japanese while working in some parttime jobs. Linda: I made wonderful friends at Naganuma by sharing the same experience with a group of some 20 Europeans! As for business, it has really helped me a lot learning Japanese.When working as a management consultant, language is a critical component in forging good relationships with clients. I was able to take on projects for Japanese clients to a large extent thanks to my Japanese language abilities acquired at Naganuma and my cultural understanding. The best and the worst thing about the Naganuma School? Angela: The best thing is the international atmosphere and possibility to learn Japanese very fast. The worst is that there can be many Asian students in class, which means there are no synergy effects for me. Korean is similar to Japanese in grammar and Taiwanese people know kanji but for me it is difficult as the German language has nothing in common with Japanese. I think that the pressure is higher for Europeans to stay in class and pass the tests. Valeria: The best thing is that in my class there
are only seven people.This means that during the lessons we all have the possibility to speak and practice the grammar that we have been taught. Another good point is that each day we repeat the grammar that we studied the day before.This helps me to memorise and understand it better, even if I hadn’t had time to study at home. Many of my friends at Naganuma started attending the school when they didn’t even know hiragana and katakana but after just one year they improved so much that they were able to have an everyday conversation with Japanese people. They would not have reached such a good level of Japanese if the school was not good. The worst thing is that we mainly use the school’s own books, which makes the lessons boring sometimes. Linda: The best thing is that I ‘survived’ the course and was actually able to speak Japanese after a year of hard training. The worst thing is coping with their method of teaching, which seems tedious and can be frustrating for Western learners as there is a lot of repetition. How will your studies at Naganuma help you in the future? Angela: I don’t know but it helps to broaden my mind and to communicate with Japanese people, which gives me access to Japanese society. It also helps me communicate within
Profiles: Angela is a 38-year-old German woman and full-time housewife. She has been in Japan since 2006 and has an intermediate level of Japanese.
Valeria is a 26-year-old Italian woman. She is currently a housewife but she is looking for a parttime job. Valeria came to Japan in January this year. She has an intermediate level of Japanese.
Valeria studying before class.
my [extended] family as my husband, born in Germany, is Japanese. For this, I think that the Japanese language will influence my entire life and the things that I have studied at Naganuma will be kept alive. Valeria: I hope to pass the JLPT test and then find a job in the field of Japanese-Italian relations. I hope to find some work from April after I receive my student visa, which will allow me to have a part-time job while continuing my studies. Linda: Hopefully I will not forget Japanese for a long time. I think that knowing Japanese will help me to access many networks wherever I travel or live. So, dear Broads, don’t give up on your New Year’s Resolution of studying some Japanese. The beginning of this year has passed but there is no excuse. Naganuma is now accepting applications for evening and intensive classes in the spring and BAB summer terms (starting in April). For more information about The Naganuma School please visit their website www. naganuma-school.or.jp/school_2/ en/home/index.html or email Mr. Suzuki at suzukij@naganuma-school. or.jp.
Linda is a 35-year-old Swedish woman. She now lives in Sweden and works as a management consultant. Linda came to Japan in 2005 and spent over three years here. Her level of Japanese is now business-conversation.
Being A Broad March 2009
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featue
YOSHIKO BURKE: A PIONEERING
COUNTRY GIRL’S TALE by Prairie Stuart-Wolff
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Mr. and Mrs. Tojiro and Yae Shige,Yoshiko’s parents. all images provided by Yoshiko Burke
Y
oshiko Burke herself will tell you that she has lived a “country girl Cinderella story.” The narrative of her youth includes characteristic motifs of a fairy tale: humble beginnings, adventures in far off lands, encounters with royalty, true love, and a strong and virtuous heroine who relies on the kindness of strangers.This fairy tale, however, if seen through her eyes and her lifelong Christian faith, relies less on fantastic elements of magic and more on the providence of God. But regardless of their origins, her tale is one of supernatural powers and an army of protectors guiding her along the way. And though it could begin the way all good fairy tales do, with a “once upon a time in a far off land,” its efficacy is strengthened by the details and circumstances of an actual time in an actual place. I reached Burke for our first interview on a Friday morning. She was staffing Mikage International Preschool, in Kobe, which she founded with her husband 45 years ago. She answered in English, “Hello, MIP, Mrs. Burke…” As she began to speak of her youth, she was effortlessly upbeat and unreserved. Born Yoshiko Shiga in 1934, she was the sixth child and second daughter of poor Christian farmers in the countryside of Kyoto. She was a serious girl who took strength from a strong family bond. “I did not have a Shinto shrine in my house. I have to pretend that I’m not a Christian. So, [I felt] persecution, even first, second grade.” She continues, “I looked ugly…I wore mother’s baggy [farmer] pants, didn’t have a dress or nothing because boys were important…So in childhood I don’t have happy memory, but I was loved. Eight
would work as a teacher’s assistant and finish her high school education part time. She recalls packing just one furoshiki. “Not knowing English conversation, I left with a bible and dictionary and then a few clothes. I didn’t have much, but I went.” At that time, the nearly 750-kilometre journey took two days by train and bus. Burke lived with Meyer and Lynn for four years. “I never knew English. I didn’t know what they were saying,” she explains. “I lived two years with a sound. English was just like a sound. Two years I, not suffered, but I survived and then suddenly, third year, I could understand…I got ¥1,000 a month for salary. But they gave me food to eat, clothed me…Not one yen was sent from
“I would love Japanese people to know how I survived and so that the ladies...will come with a spirit and courage to survive the world.” of us children helped each other.” Entering her teenage years she spent her days working to help her family and attended high school in the evenings. Her fate appeared sealed: “My sister and I were to be, not sold, but to go out to rich farmers who have more rice so I can send the rice home. That was, you know, after the war.” Burke can name each and every one of the people who guided her away from the life of a poor farmer’s daughter. In her 16th year she met Hildegard Meyer and Jenny Lynn, two American New Tribe missionaries who visited her home to share their message. Along with ten classmates, she attended what she describes as a kind of “summer vacation bible school.” It was then that she formally became a Christian. At the end of the summer she was invited to take up residence with Meyer and Lynn in Iwate Ken, where she
my house after 16 when I left home.” There is an audible fondness when Burke talks about Hildegard and Meyer. “The missionaries took care of me,” she says. “They gave me freedom.” It was this time, visiting kindergarten classes with Meyer and Lynn, that kindled her passion for working with children. In 1954, at the age of 20, Burke left Iwate Ken to pursue a teaching certificate at Obirin University in Tokyo. While there, a lecturer, Dr. Takahashi, took note of her advanced English skills and encouraged her to continue her education beyond Junior College. He invited her to attend Meiji Gakuin University in Yokohama. She spent Saturday evenings translating youth fellowship ministries at the Engineering Depot at Yokohama. It was there that she met Chaplain Waterson and the chapel pianist, Mrs. Lugo; two Americans who
held the key to the next chapter in her adventure. With their help, Burke was able to travel to America. Though she had never dreamed of going abroad, when the door opened she walked though without hesitation. “I never worried about the money, how much I have, or the clothes I have. I just took off, you know…[On the] overnight train I can come home and have supper and sushi [that] my mother made, and say ‘sayonara’ and ‘itterashai,’ and then I went the next day.” Back in Yokohama, with nearly 400 other emigrants, she boarded the Mitsui O.S.K. line’s Africa Maru. It would take 14 days to reach America. While onboard she helped organise a boat school to occupy the children. She began teaching English but soon received complaints from the parents. Most of them, bound for Brazil, said: “We don’t want English. We want Portuguese.” So Burke studied Portuguese in the evenings with her cabinmate and taught what she had learned to the children the next day. In America, Burke spent two years at the Toccoa Falls Bible College in Georgia. Upon completion in 1960, she transferred to Wayland Baptist University where she would study for three years on a singing scholarship. In 1961, she was one of two WBU students chosen for a 14-member Project Understanding Choir. With them she embarked on an adventurous twomonth summer tour singing in a total of eleven countries in East Asia. Among other places, the tour took them to Indonesia, Hong Kong, Okinawa, China, and Japan. But perhaps the most memorable was Thailand. Burke knows how to engage her listener when telling a story. Her voice starts low with anticipation as she begins. “In Thailand, five missionaries lived next to the maid of honour
feature Yoshiko Burke, Bill Burke, Emie Burke, and Jay Burke, 1975. of the king. She heard that the Texas students were coming. The maid said, ‘my king loves music. I’ll talk to my master.’ So the story went up to the palace and then the missionaries were called. First time in the palace for having a private concert!” Their visit included a royal banquet after the performance. “The queen stand up, everybody stand up. She came to my table because I was the only [Asian] and she ask me, ‘Ms. Shiga, where did you come from?’ And I said, ‘I’m from Kyoto, Japan.’ And she said, ‘I know you’re tired but you sang so well. My king enjoyed so much. He’s not supposed to show his white teeth but today I see many times he smiled.’ So anyway, she enjoyed it and she asked me, ‘Why you are singing?’ So I had the chance to [tell] how I came, was poor farmer’s daughter, almost sold for rice, but had people loving me and send me to America. She start crying...We almost hugged. I was not to touch her but she hold my hand and I just said thank you, khorb koon, you know.” Reflecting upon this experience, Burke says, “That’s a miracle that I’m talking about. The country girl, 16, and I [was not] sent money from my family because five boys’ are more important than three girls’ education. Girls go to other families and lose their name. I was just nothing.
Just good for rice, you know…I’m just telling you, not to be proud, not for the boasting see, but how God or the providence took me out of the country, poor farming country family, to [sing] for the king and queen of Thailand.” The Project Understanding Choir finished their tour in Hawaii but continued on to a Baptist Student Union convention in Santa Fe, New Mexico where they were to report on their travels. There, Billy Burke, a young Texan with a love of Japan, saw her sing. He approached her, testing out his Japanese, to tell her she was a lovely young woman. “I thought that he was just a bull-headed young man. Beautiful green eyes, I thought…” Her voice trills with a long, sustained wonder as she recalls the beginning of her 45-year romance. With protracted amazement she says, “You know, that night, first time he saw me, he told his camp master, ‘I met the girl that I’m going to marry,’ and I never knew it. I never knew it,” she trails off wistfully. Billy Burke courted her that fall and over Thanksgiving, on a trip to White Sands, New Mexico, he asked her to marry him. Her voice rises with amusement. “I said: ‘yes, but you must go to Japan, ask my father, and if he says yes, then it’s OK with me.’ And I thought I can get rid of
Yoshiko Shiga as Homecoming Queen at Wayland Baptist University, Plainview Texas 1962.
him, you know, because my desire was two years more I need to study. I begged God I will not fall in love with American so I can go back to Japan as an English teacher.” Billy accepted her challenge. For two years he taught English at the Canadian academy in Kobe. “Two years, we wrote a love letter, how do I love thee, and I just fell in love with the letters.” After graduating from WBU in 1963, Burke returned to Japan.“I came back by boat and Bill met me in Yokohama.” Her voice rises with a twinklein-the-eye amusement. “[Bill] was staying with the chairman of educational board of Nishinomiya and I said, ‘no, no, I can’t marry you. You live in so high class. I only know high school countryside Japanese. So I refused. But we couldn’t wait because his mother was flying from America, you know, so I couldn’t say no.” They married on a hot July day at the Kobe Baptist Church. “There is no boundary in love,” she says. “You know, West met East in the West and West wed East in the East.” Burke’s story is a tale of challenges met, unanticipated open doors, and dreams fulfilled, a string of real-life miracles. She hopes that her story can inspire others. “I would love Japanese people to know how I survived and so that the ladies, women, of not having so much or not inheriting so much will come with a spirit and courage to survive the world.” We are living in increasingly difficult times when people across the spectrum must make do with less than before. Perhaps more than ever, the tale of the poor farmer’s daughter who, with courage, optimism, and, above all, perseverance, rose to unexpected heights has a renewed relevance. As Burke says, and her story exemplifies, “If you have the will to BAB live, there is a way. Isn’t it wonderful?” Being A Broad March 2009
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political broad-cast 28
JAPAN’S JUSTICE SYSTEM:
DICING WITH DEATH by Tina Burrett
O
n the morning of 29 January, four men were told by prison wardens that they would soon be dead. As is usual under Japan’s death penalty system, the four were given an hour to finalise their affairs before being hanged. By the time their families and lawyers were informed of the execution, their bodies were already laying cold in prison morgues. All four were convicted of murder, and in three cases their victims were all women. Its proponents, including Ministry of Justice officials and many Diet members, claim that the death penalty protects the public by deterring violent crime. This professed commitment to public protection, however, is called into question by, among other things, the inadequate search for the killer of British teacher Lindsey Hawker, and a failure to tackle domestic violence, sex trafficking, and other crimes where the victims are predominantly female. Japan’s continuing use of the death penalty—which in itself is morally questionable—provides the government with the veneer of being tough on crime and committed to justice without needing to reform the deeply flawed Japanese criminal justice system. In recent years, the number of executions in Japan has been increasing. Last year 15 people were executed, the largest number since 1975.The frequency of executions varies according to the attitude of the incumbent justice minister, who must personally sign each death warrant. Previous minister Hatoyama Kunio was famously dubbed ‘the grim reaper’ by the Asahi Shimbun for notching up a record number of executions, while his predecessor Sugiura Seiken, a devout Buddhist, refused to authorise any executions. In 2006, in part as a consequence of Sugiura’s unofficial moratorium, numbers on death row rose to over 100. Following the example of Hatoyama, current minister Mori Eisuke appears determined to reduce this headline-making number. By mounting more executions Japan is bucking a worldwide abolitionist trend: 128 countries have abandoned the death penalty, including Russia, Cambodia, and the Philippines, and a growing number, including South Korea and Taiwan are debating abolition. Among developed nations, only Japan and the United States still have the death penalty. Japan continues to adhere to the death penalty despite condemnation from the Council of Europe, the United Nations Human Rights Commission, and native abolitionist lawmakers, such as SDP President Fukushima Mizuho. Some of its death-row practices, including
withholding the date of execution, have been singled out for special criticism by international human rights organisations. Inmates are kept in solitary confinement, a policy designed to ‘avoid disturbing their peace of mind’ say ministry officials. Despite a law stating that the death penalty must be carried out within six-months of conferment, the condemned are forced to wait an average of seven years, and sometimes decades, while legal procedures groan on. As execution orders can come at any moment, inmates must live every day believing it could be their last. Human rights campaigners believe many death-row inmates are driven insane by waiting for the fateful morning when prison guards stop outside their cell door. Opponents of the death penalty also raise concerns about the age of those put to death. On Christmas day 2006, Akiyama Yoshimitsu became the oldest person hung in post-war Japan. Aged 77 and quite infirm, he was taken to the gallows in a wheelchair. Two weeks before, Ikemoto Noboru was executed just days off his 75th birthday. Originally sentenced to life imprisonment, Ikemoto would likely have been
more innocent people waiting to be executed in Japan’. Why is Japan, which suspended executions between 1989 and 1993 in response to an abolitionist UN resolution, swimming against the international tide? Opponents of the death penalty cite the secrecy surrounding executions, which are often conducted during Diet recesses to avoid protests from opposition politicians. Prison officers are forbidden from discussing execution procedures and civilian monitors rarely receive permission to observe the gallows. Furthermore, abolitionist voices are seldom heard in the Japanese media. Each time a death sentence is implemented, the media report on the feelings of the victim’s family, encouraging the emotional response from readers that the death penalty is fair because the convict took a life and inflicted unbearable suffering on the innocent. A constant stream of lurid crime stories on the front pages creates the impression of soaring crime rates and has led to public clamouring for tougher sentencing. Yet, according to Amnesty International, serious crime in Japan remains
By the time their families and lawyers were informed of the execution, their bodies were already laying cold in prison morgues. paroled in 2006 if his sentence had not been raised to death at appeal. It is not only the condemned who suffer because of the death penalty. The guards, like prisoners, are told on the day that an execution must be performed. According to former executioner Sakamoto Toshio, the stress of working on death row leaves some mentally unhinged. “No matter how psychologically strong they are, guards get mentally and physically exhausted serving inmates on death row because it is truly cruel,” he says. It is the high probability of mistakes, however, that should consign the death penalty to history. Four people in Japan have been released from death row after new evidence was found proving their innocence.The first of these was Menda Sakae, who faced the daily prospect of execution for thirty-two years before being released from prison. Over fifty years later, the system that destroyed and almost cost Menda his life remains unchanged: the police can still hold and interrogate suspects for 23 days; confessions, which are often coerced, still carry enormous weight; and the prosecution are victorious in over 99 percent of cases. Ishikawa Akira, one of the country’s leading abolitionists, argues that, ‘it is almost certain that there are
comparatively low. Japan incarcerates far fewer citizens than most developed countries: 58 per 100,000 people compared to 142 in Britain and 726 in the United States. Despite the reality of a low-crime society, the death penalty remains something of a taboo among Diet members because the abolitionist cause is unpopular with voters. A 2005 government opinion poll found that over 80 percent of Japanese people favoured executions, a rise of over 23 percent since 1975. “It has become a vicious circle,” says Hosaka Nobuto, Secretary-General of the Parliamentary League for the Abolition of the Death Penalty.“Politicians don’t discuss it and the public doesn’t hear the abolitionist case, so the politicians continue to avoid it.” There is some hope of change on the horizon. Limited jury trails, which from May give citizens a say in criminal cases potentially resulting in executions, are already forcing a more open debate. Suspects charged with crimes carrying a sentence of three years or more will have the right to a jury composed of three judges and six citizens. Momentum to reform the criminal justice system is likely to build once ordinary people are no longer absolved from decisions BAB over life and death.
LOVE by Aiko Miyamoto
images: provided by Aiko Miyamoto
“Luckily for both of us, I embraced insanity and flew to Okinawa...”
W
ho says guys are only after sex? In Japan, just as many guys seem to be after free English lessons. I never really understood why so many Western women coming to Japan fear being stuck at home watching TV on Friday nights because men won’t give them the time of day; what I found living in Tokyo as a university student was that there were tons of guys who were more than willing to take a foreign girl, any foreign girl, out for dinner and karaoke simply for the pleasure of looking awesome walking down the street speaking entirely in English with an ‘exotic’ date. But when the excitement of going out to a different izakaya every night and having cute guys paying to hear me sing badly wore off, all that was left was annoyance and frustration. In a country where nearly everyone I met for the first time felt the need to comment in utter shock and awe that my Japanese was godlike when all I had said was hajimemashite—and then proceed to ask my real name, for no one with my face, one that clearly takes after my Caucasian father and not a drop after my Japanese mother, could possibly be named Aiko—would I ever find a guy who was interested in me for who I was and not for where I was born? Deciding that I needed to get away from the inconvenience of appearance-based first impressions, I turned to an online ‘friendfinder’ site. I did post a smiling, happy photo, just because personally I’d feel uncomfortable meeting someone if I had no idea what he looked like, but directly below it glared the first line of my self-introduction, written entirely in Japanese: “Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat. Don’t ever call me a gaijin.” Before long, the emails started rolling in. Most of them either blatantly ignored what I had written—one actually had the nerve to write
that he was “in search of a foreign girlfriend”!— or consisted of a simple “hi” or “you look pretty” and nothing with any depth to respond to. The ones that were written in English, I deleted immediately. But a few stood out; their authors had not only taken the time to respond to what I’d said but also to tell me about themselves and why I, not girls in general, should want to get to know them. Among these was an email from an Okinawan guy I call Rody Parker. I think on some level I knew he was the one from that first email, the longest and most interesting by far of all the ones I’d received. I remember reading and not being able to stop laughing as he sympathised with my plight, telling me about how when he went to the mainland strangers used to come up to him to try out their English because of his unusual features (unlike me, though, instead of getting offended, he amused himself pretending he actually was an English-speaking foreigner fresh off the plane and misleading everyone). We exchanged a few more emails, phone calls, and care packages full of food from our respective regions, and even played my favourite Nintendo DS game online together. Within weeks I found myself falling for him—which I knew was insane, being that we lived on different islands and I wasn’t about to give up my life in Tokyo for a guy I’d never actually met. Luckily for both of us, I embraced insanity and flew to Okinawa to visit him over spring break. I can’t say I didn’t have my doubts; I honestly wasn’t sure what he thought of me or even if he’d be as easy to talk to in person as on the phone or in the chat room. But as soon as I stepped out of baggage claim and saw his smile, all my worries were gone. I couldn’t have imagined someone more perfect for me if I tried. It just felt so comfortable being with him, like an
old friend coming to pick me up at Honolulu Airport after a long leave of absence. As he introduced me to some of his favourite places on the island where he grew up—the Chulaumi Aquarium, a pottery classroom, Kudakajima (the tiny sacred island 20 minutes by ferry off the southern coast of the main island), the pet shop across the street from Jusco—I became more and more convinced that the only practical course of action would be to stay. Within just a week of returning to Yokohama, I made the decision to quit my job in Tokyo and move to Okinawa, and he agreed to finally move out of his mother’s attic and get an apartment the two of us could share. We started our new life together two months later and even through the cold, twelve-degree Okinawa winter, every day truly has been paradise. Lots of people dismiss online dating as creepy, geeky, and everything in between, but I say it’s a great way to let a potential partner see your true self before he or she can form superficial opinions of you. Rody says he would probably never have written to me at all if I hadn’t saturated my self-introduction with sarcasm and griping and given him something to respond to (although I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have continued writing if I hadn’t shown him my sweeter side too—he admitted to being surprised at my ‘onna-rashisa’— femininity in the Japanese sense—when I mailed him a perfectly wrapped homemade chocolate cake for Valentine’s Day). What would have probably scared most guys away, he found amusing and interesting and that’s the kind of person I always wanted to meet. I do still have to give him free English lessons, though...it’s the only way he can communicate with my family when they come to Okinawa to BAB meet him next month! Being A Broad March 2009
she found love in Japan
ONLINE
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