SYMPOSIUM REINVENTED THE WELLBEING EDITION BY AVNEET HAYER
What is self-love & how can we implement it into our lives? I wanted to do this project because I think that during this incredibly difficult, unprecedented time it has been troubling to see people deteriorating all across this world. It is intrinsically important that we as a community work together and uplift those in need. In this project I will dive into the ways in which we can uplift ourselves and understand that we are all worthy of love and to be the best versions of ourselves.
I recognized that during this horrific time for so many that we were losing sight of ourselves and the importance to love ourselves. In this day and age, I think that we confuse selfishness with self-love and I want to enhance the meaning of self-love and that the intrinsic values of self-love are not about being selfish, materialistic and placing yourself above everyone else. It's about knowing that regardless about the circumstances that we face as individuals, we must continue to be a kind person to others and ourselves. One thing I've noticed is the immense issues and difficulties that the majority of those I know are going through. It's been a time in which we've had to cease our social lives and physical interaction. With this lack of contact and the community
aspect of 'everyday normality', inevitably resulted in a surge in mental health illnesses and consequently the abandonment of self-love and compassion for oneself. I understand that this time has presented challenges for us that we would otherwise never ever physically comprehend that we would have to become accustomed to. Through my lockdown journey I wanted to learn and understand factors that influence self-loathing and neglect of people's wellbeing. This project intertwines with my previous project focussing on the mental health stigma. I concede entirely that it is hard to lift oneself out of a depressive, anxious or confused stage, but ultimately the wellbeing and mental welfare of everyone is important and we must help those that are going through a period of dysthymia, as many of
people are, and lift those. We will rise above our perplexities and understand our worth and that every single individual living is enough and should recognize that whole heartedly.
Self-love is such an important facet in order to reach a healthy wellbeing. A life without self-love is a life of self-destruction. But what is it? Well, self-love is accepting yourself unconditionally. It is embracing all your imperfections and loving all of your insecurities, holding your arms out and metaphorically hugging yourself. It’s an unfathomable idea for some people but you can experience it profoundly. Through self-love you can fully appreciate yourself. It gives you the strength to defy all reticence and importunities.
Originally, the Japanese words Wabi and Sabi had opposed meanings. Sabi originally meant 'chilled', 'lean' or 'withered'. Sabi means things whose beauty stems from age. Collectively, "Wabi-
Sabi is a beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. It is a beauty of things modest and humble. It is a beauty of things being unconventional and acceptance of that imperfection- as everything has worth.
It is something that we should implement into our lives. The idea of this is understanding that throughout our lives we will always be subject to emotions of sadness and anger. But through this evidently hard time, we can learn to love and accept ourselves irrespective of the situation. WabiSabi promotes looking for the positives within every situation and most importantly focussing on the good. Because in this world there is so much hatred and difficulty, but through this we must be kind. Kind to others, but also kind to ourselves through seeing the good and appreciating it. Grasping onto that hope in a time of hardship will benefit you so in such an incredibly significant way. In Zen Buddhism, masters used prized bowls that were handmade and irregularly shaped, with uneven glaze, cracks, and a perverse beauty in their deliberate imperfection. So in regards to our own lives, take the good and take the bad. And look for the good within every situation and everything that you are a part of. Love the imperfections. I thought this quote was particularly profound in relation to the art of Wabi Sabi and that is, “Your imperfections make you beautiful, they make you who you are.”- Demi Lovato.
The philosophy behind self love Philosophy has been around for a multitude of centuries and started with the birth of Thales of Miletus (born in 600BCE) This man, regarded as one of the most renowned philosophers of mankind had his philosophically driven ideas on self. His ideas of self were expressed through his quote “The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself ". And this is a very poignant reminder to us thousands of years later. The longevity of this message is evident- we as humans find it incredibly difficult to understand and comprehend our emotions and the difficulties that we endure. Especially in the 21st century it is apparent that we are in a mental health crisis and this quote made all of that time ago still has the resonance to connect to the
modern-day reader. This quote has given me a shift in perspective and really pin points the reality of our society. This is a reminder that we must focus and understand our own difficulties and inhibitions and work with ourselves in order to ‘know’ ourselves. The facets of many of the ancient philosopher’s ideas reveal the ways in which we can understand the life in which we find ourselves today and to make our journey (as cliché as it sounds) worthwhile and to take our impediments and look at them differently in order to progress in life and subsequently find purpose to practise self-compassion and understanding. Other philosophers have expressed their ideas behind the art of achieving unconditional self-love. The famous French philosopher Descartes is known for his theory of ‘I think, therefore I am’. This quote from afar looks seemingly meaningless, however it provides an incredibly insightful way in which we as humans can practise self-compassion successfully. Succinctly put, when you regard yourself as something this will ultimately mean that you are that of what you said. For example, when putting self-love into practise this line can be altered in order to relate to your personal situation.
A way in which you could put this into practise is using compassionate and positive affirmatory words. I regard my worth as enough therefore my worth is enough. This seemingly simple and insignificant sequence of words to some, can provide so much benefit to one’s self esteem and selfworth. The repetition of positive affirmations and regarding oneself as enough, worthy of love and happiness will significantly increase someone’s esteem and therefore they will experience life through a new, positively driven perspective. This poignant idea made by Rene Descartes will inspire and help people to achieve new levels of the understanding of the ‘self’. It can be applied to so many situations, but ultimately should be positive and beneficial to someone. Descartes through his famous dictum, has the capability to instil confidence and inner contentment within those who apply its wondrous competences to improve one’s state of mind.
Another philosopher whose ideas inspire the ideas of self-love and positive regard of oneself is Aristotle. Aristotle claims that when people are self-loving, or unreservedly love others, then, he concludes that selflove is received through the loving of mankind. For Aristotle all friendship (philia) is rooted in self-love (philautia). This poignant reminder shows that self-compassion requires understanding of kindness. He argues that if you are not kind yourself, it will not be possible to practise the art of self-love. This idea is important, as it reminds us that we must cultivate a kind heart, and treat those we encounter with respect and love as we should with ourselves. This refers back to one of the most important things that I heard as a child. ‘Treat others as you would like to be treated’. It’s an incredibly consequential reminder that we must pursue a kind mindset to not only ourselves, but to everyone that we meet. Through this kindness, we will then know how to love ourselves.
How to implement self-love into your life 1) Stop comparing yourself to others It is within our human nature to compare ourselves; it is known as the ‘social comparison theory’. It is inevitable that we naturally are selfdestructive and it is the inevitability of human nature that allows us to tear down ourselves so incredibly quickly. However, we must learn to cease that destructive nature and learn to know that someone’s confidence or strengths should not diminish your own. Less comparison + Being able to feel glad for others = Expansion of your own potential for happiness. So, to conclude, we must expand our awareness from comparison to contentment and learning to love ourselves through this will significantly benefit you.
2) Don’t worry about others’ opinions Again, it is within human nature to remember and hold onto the things that are negative. We are always told to hold onto positive energy, yet our mind’s reaction is to cling onto the negative and dwell. Not allowing negative comments to underpin you and define your character will allow your character to grow and flourish, from a bud into a blossoming flower. 3) Allow yourself to make mistakes Throughout the human lifetime, it is inevitable to make mistakes. But through these mistakes it is shown scientifically that we have the capability to grow and progress. As Ramon Bautista once said ‘We should not regret mistakes. We must learn from them.’ Through this understanding of the inevitability of mistakes, it is possible to create a positive frame of mind and the idea of self-love will become a powerful tool through your life. A scientific experiment conducted a couple of years ago provided information
that mistakes boost understanding. Through this understanding you will prevail and learn to grow and love yourself, through the good and the bad. 4) Remember your value doesn’t lie in how your body looks In the 21st century, we have made progress in order to destroy the idealistic and disparaging ways of the society that has instilled in humankind that there is only one type of ‘beautiful’. But irrespective of the societal ‘standards’ the world has come on leaps and bounds compared to decades before. The 'body positivity movement' advocates the acceptance of all bodies regardless of physical ability, size, gender, race, or appearance. Love your body. It is so significant that our worth is not solely based on our physical appearance. Our worth is collection of a multitude of facets that make up our character.
Dismissal of people’s ‘expectations’ to look a certain way is the beneficial way to move forward in the progression of loving oneself. The human race is not able to fit into a ‘cookie cutter’ shape of the ideals and notions of the backward societal beliefs. The overarching message here is that you are beautiful, worthy and capable- and no-one has the ability to demean you.
Spiritual Aspect of Self Love During my time of lockdown, I encountered the book titled ‘The Power of Now’ by the spiritual leader Eckhart Tolle. It had been resting on my bookshelf for a while, and I suddenly came across it and reading the reviews and the impacts it has had on a multitude of different people inspired me to pick it up and read it. It was truly an incredibly eye-opening and had a profound effect on me. Though I wouldn’t consider myself enlightened, it still provided me will such useful knowledge to conquer the challenges and difficulties that I will endure during my life and I am incredibly grateful that I did read it. The book revolves around the modern-day society we find ourselves in. How we continuously focus on the faults of the past and the aspirations, stresses and
uncertainties of the future. We revolve our life’s entirety to the unchangeable- to what we can’t control. We cannot control the way in which our past was painted and nor can we predict and paint our future. This sense of changeability and uncertainty of our lives does in fact consume our lives. And so, he explains the importance of the ‘now’. This ‘now’ that he refers to is the present moment and reaching the realm in which the surroundings that we find ourselves in does not dictate and control who we are. Our minds with our constant circulation of thoughts and distractions, known as the ego, does not exist anymore. In this realm in which we can achieve, a nothing is significant except for your breathing and consciousness of the world
through this eye-opening lens. This state of the ‘now’ is incredibly difficult to achieve expressed by Tolle, but the principal and idea of separating yourself from the negativity of the mind and surroundings is still a prevalent idea, which you can implement into your lives in order to achieve the compassion for yourself. Tolle expresses life as simply a sequence of present moments, one after another. One of my favourite quotes by him expresses that you must ‘Realise deeply that the present moment is all that you have. Make the ‘now’ the primary focus of your life’. So, all we can really have is the present moment we have the ability to be within ‘now’. The idea that the negativity and distractions of everyday life does alter our perception and thus creates anxiety, unease and stress, shows that through breathing and focussed ‘being’ rather than doing, can help to achieve a happier self and consequently love for yourself.
The lessons that I learnt from the book: • Life is just a sequence of present moments: Tolle suggests that the only moment that is important is in fact, the one we care the least about: the now. In the now, all you experience and sense takes place. The past is nothing more than all the current moments that have passed by as you think about it, and the future is just a series of present moments waiting to come. • All pain is a consequence of struggles to control the things you cannot change: This is evident, as suffering is nothing more than the product of rejecting all the things that you can't alter. We worry a lot about the future and the past, but we can and should just exist in the moment, because we don't have the means to fix the other two things that we're sad about. You can free yourself from pain by continually witnessing your mind rather than judging your thoughts: It's important for you to separate your body from your always-on, thoughtdriven mind, after which you will recognize the value of appreciating yourself and your worth through not letting the unwanted and damaging capabilities of your mind overcome you.
There are many factors that can influence you to become positive and loving of yourself. Manifestation is certainly one of them. It can help to give one’s life a purpose and understanding. This new found purpose and drive will ultimately result in a state of self-compassion and love for oneself. In an incredibly stressful year with the combination of a global pandemic and the abandonment of the moral compass shown through the BLM movements, farmers protests, LGBTQ+ rights, it makes sense that people are looking for meaning. That may be why a spiritual practice called manifestation is seeing a spike in popularity. But what is manifestation and how can it lead to selfcompassion? Manifestation is the idea of putting your intention towards something that you hope will happen, then watching it happen in real life. In other words, if you think it and believe it, it’ll come true. Principally, manifestation is bringing something tangible into your life through attraction and belief, e.g., if you think about it, and it will come true through your thoughts, actions, beliefs, and emotions. Essentially, manifestation is known to be creating your life as you envisage it to be and hope it to be. Obviously, reality diminishes this theory, as we as humans endure difficulties throughout our lives. However, the core theory and centrality of faith and hope with the idea of manifestation reveals to us that we must believe and have faith in ourselves. This theory of manifestation is
to some people far-fetched and idealistic, however the core beliefs of it are something that we should implement into our lives. That we as humans can have faith in ourselves, and understand our worth through this. Irrespective of the ideals of manifestation, the idea of believing in your worth and making your health and wellbeing a priority in order to achieve your goals, not only materialistic ideals, such as money and success but success within yourself- being happy and having love for yourself too. Manifesting the love and peace within your heart and loving not only yourself but those around
you is an important and resonant idea. We must learn to project our ideas and implement ways in which we can make this eventually happen for us. For example, repeating the notion that you will be happy and content within yourself, and becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings and consequently acting upon them to create a positive and evolutionary atmosphere will bring unfathomable benefits. We’re always creating and manifesting in our own lives, but subconsciously. When we develop consciousness of the abilities that we have to create our lives as we would like to live them, that’s where manifestation comes in. The important reminder we must remember is that we cannot control everything, and neither can we blame ourselves for the negative potentiality of our futures. Manifestation can be used to give you the capability to think deeply and more positively within yourself. In manifesting self-love, building a picture of where you want to be is an important step. To be able to feel this new way of life, you need to get a good idea of where you're going. Through manifestation we will cultivate and encourage a better mindset to promote self-love and compassion.
To conclude: It is so important to recognize your worth, especially during a time in which we rely on ourselves and are in solitary environments. It is a particularly prevalent issue that individuals cannot understand that their mental health and wellbeing genuinely matters. There are always going to be inevitable times where people lose sight of their self-worth and that is understandable. Not everyone can be driven and motivated continuously in life. Life brings its own struggles and challenges and many people have endured these during their time. During my research and time looking at the psychology behind lack of selfesteem, it is apparent that the root cause is not the same for everyone as we as individuals experience situations and recollect them in different ways. The main idea in order to recognize your worth is to focus on yourself. However, one of the
biggest factors that people forget to implement, is the key idea of forgiveness. Many people associate forgiveness with accepting the faults of others. But it also regards yourself. Forgiving yourself is the most important facet of your journey of self-love. Forgiving yourself and more evidently others is shown to reduce stress and tension within the mind and the body. Our self-esteem and selfworth are being sabotaged by selfdestruction, diffidence, and guilt. We also make it easy to forgive others, but we often have to apply this forgiveness to ourselves, in order to reach a space of loving kindness for ourselves and for the people around us. The most important facet I’ve learnt through my research, is that you must learn to accept what you cannot control. You cannot change what has
already passed, neither can you predict and foretell your own future. It is intrinsically important that you don’t criticize and come from a place of judgement. Do not rely on other people to provide your sense of worth. They will inevitably disappoint. We have to internalize our worth. No label, position, or relationship can give us worth; and this is the centrality to this idea. You should be yourself, unapologetically and believe in your own worth. Through that realisation you will come to love and unconditionally love yourself.
By Avneet Hayer