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Brief Explanation The essence of satire is criticism. Not out of spite, mind you. I hope this poem blends a critical attitude with humor and wit. The true satirist is conscious of the frailty of corporations. Reinstatement of virtue is always key. A satirical text has to be implicitly constructive and my purpose is always correction, not malicious intent. It features aggression and a didactic purpose. The text that ignited my writing spree was “The Swan as Metaphor for Love”, by Amelia Gray. She wrote a hilarious/ingenious 500-word short story and at first I wanted to practice “syntactic writing” (a theory of mine, in preparation) but I ended up steering clear from it and wrote a completely different beast. My title is still syntactically mapped to hers, though. Thank you, Amelia, for the inspiration.
Leachate as Metonymy for Bathroom Water
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Leachate as Metonymy for Bathroom Water
Leachate, from household or landfills [is putrescible waste] It oxidizes concrete and steel [permeating through its cement paste] Perfumery tycoons are to blame When leachate oozes out of plastic bags Random proletariat, shoppers of no fame End up buying leachate with label tags Spray it away, turn‘em into antifreeze ponds Sickly color and textures Softened in baby wipes or random necks of blondes Sweet fragrance that festers Noblemen shit, stagnant scumbags Eating low density lipids, saturated, trans fats Infatuated with rancid donuts, limp biscuits, moldy caviar Misting leachate on skins, from catwalks to church bazaars Leachate is more of the same: feces, urine, some fungus shit; cans of energy drinks poured by dumbfuck pricks; polymers, hospital waste, litter, crackhead pipes; pentagon patchwork freed from linen stripes. Cockroach carcasses, swarm of maggots Process leachate and poop them out But the world is cyclical, there ain’t no doubt Leachate finds its way back, doused on jackets
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Eau de toilette, rather, bathroom water Showbiz celebs end up as business fodder Poisonous fragrances, shallow marketing plans “Smell like Kim, Britney, Bieber”, this is a sham Anyone who claims that bathroom water is ancient tradition Can shut their yapper for there is no diction When skin absorbs entire vapors of flowers Ka-ching for Sweet&Gabbana in ivory towers Ads persuade, victims promenade in duty-free shops Soaking and drenching in leachate drops Jagged pills in their pockets resembling hope Bring no cure for addiction or follies, that’s dope Listen carefully, not under the haze of Mary Jane Frozen poop has leaked from the bathroom of an airplane It happened in India, locals deemed it a celestial rock Lest anyone forget, it jibes well with our leachate flock Seeping through trash then causing a rash Per fumus is Latin, it means “through smoke” First introduced by a Hungarian bloke Now neatly dabbed on a Frenchman moustache Don’t mate on the street, it’s ill-advised Same goes for fake news and what is advertised Lots of bottles, eau de this, eau de that Hints of o-blah-di o-blah-da, stinky caveat Silly cologne names unused on shelves It is about time to question our “selves” “Do I need a celebrity scent? Is it liquid or leachate?” Don’t matter, let’s teach it It’s harmful impact and money misspent
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Bio Alex Tamulis was born in 1982 in São Paulo, Brazil. He’s a linguistics major at the University of São Paulo. He’s the author of several essays and satirical novellas and poems, such as “Elliot Atop The Landfill Mound”, “Dimwit in the Land of Bad Grammar” and “Vampiric Beings”. His main interests are theoretical linguistics and the origins of language. You can check his work on www.alextamulis.com and on websites such as Research Gate and Academia.
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