On Dit Issue 79.5 by On Dit

Adelaide University Student Magazine

Vol. 79 / Issue 5 Featuring:

Contents Vox POP

Degrees of Knowledge

HOW TO Sound Like you know WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT

Smoking

Falun Gong

Esperanto

The Slow Death Of Port Adelaide

Global Terrorism

Popular Psychiatric Drugs

Study Drugs

Psychic Expo

Events: Live and Local

Leonardo Da Vinci Exhibition

Local Band Bio: Steering By Stars

Square Meals

Cooking With Garf

Columns

Diversions

State Of The Union

Go to www.ondit.com.au if you’re not a square, or become our friend: www.facebook.com/onditmagazine Editors: Sam Deere, Elizabeth Flux & Rory Kennett-Lister Cover illustration by Christina Harding Inside Front Cover photo by Andrew Burley Fact checking by Richard Seglenieks. On Dit is an affiliate of the Adelaide University Union Published 16/5/2011

Volume 79, Issue 5

EDITORIAL

Rory Sam Elizabeth

I’m not sure about you, but I’m not feeling great. I’m not just sad. I’m devastated. Not the “oh-I’m-going-towrite-in-my-diary-and-pout” sort of devastated but the “I’m-listening-to-Sinéad-O’Connor-whilst-crying-intomy-king-sized-hybrid-of-ice-cream-and-cornflakes-without-caring-about-how-hard-it-will-stick-to-my-arteries” type of devastated. But there’s nothing we can do. The royal wedding is over, and Prince William, his Grace Kelly wannabe wife and what remains of his hair have gone back to flying helicopters and shopping at Waitrose.

tingly into the seedy underworld of fiction husbandry —you’ve picked up On Dit. In issue 5 you will find paper, ink (some of it orange), as well as musings on a possible international language, a born-again cynic’s experience at a psychic expo, a discussion on Falun Gong, a look at smoking and youth, an argument for alternative strategies of how we should really be fighting terrorist networks as well as a spotlight on psychiatric drugs, and drugs used for study. Then there’s also a whole lot of awesome in our regular sections.

We now all need to similarly move on. So, how better to do this, than with a seemingly random selection of words, the apparent relevance of which is akin to the terminology you are asked to memorise around lesson five in a language class.

So, read an article. Rage out about something. Create an art using our Mr Squiggle base. Anything to give you that faintly uncomfortable “right...that’s all my socks paired. Back to the accounts” feeling.

Religion. Vices. Spirituality. Tarot. Hoarding. Invention. Drugs. Ghost town.

Best, Elizabeth (and Rory and Sam)

Sounds like the bastard child of Miss Marple and The Hardy Boys. However, you haven’t wandered unwit-

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Contributors Writers Casey Briggs (“Mere Puffery”, page 12) Casey is a postgraduate mathematics student with a penchant for sounding like a French wanker. As a child, he read the street directory for fun. His favourite people include The Doctor, Veronica Mars and Kevin Rudd, and his biggest regret in life is that these people are all fictional. In his spare time, he presents live music on Radio Adelaide, eats macaroni and cheese, and struggles to dress himself.

Ellen Morgan (“The World Language”, page 18) Ellen is a media/arts student who has just completed an academic exchange (aka raging holiday with minimal study) of 7 months, which took her to the University of California in sunny Santa Cruz. Upon returning to the ‘happening’ soils of Radelaide, she can be found amongst clothing racks, or rushing out of JB’s with a bag-full of far too many CD’s, Cibo in hand. Ellen is pursuing her love of writing and journalism, and her wish to basically be Ita Buttrose.

Artist/Photographer Andrew Burley (“The Slow Death of Port Adelaide”, page 22) This is Andrew’s second try at University. After discovering that he didn’t like Urban Planning, Andrew promptly went overseas, returned, and then resumed Urban Planning for some reason. He’s now studying Landscape Architecture. He takes photos of all sorts of things, particularly at night. He has an unhealthy interest in run-down industrial buildings. As well as taking pictures his dream is to make a film which makes it on to SBS at around 1AM.

CHantelle Reece (“How To”, page 10) Chantelle is a struggling art student (as all art students are) studying a Visual Arts Specialisation, focusing mainly on painting and illustration (with some ceramics and photography on the side). Chantelle generally likes to keep busy and you will often find her at the Exeter supplying herself with the good ol’ $12 jug of goon or banging her head against a wall in the library.

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Letters

Got something to get off your chest? Email us at ondit@adelaide.edu.au

Hey guys,

Congratulations on the last edition. It seems to me you’re really hitting your stride. Keeping things light hearted but having an educational slant, also it’s commendable to see you guys are including some of your own artwork. Not to pat you all on the back too much, but the standard was set pretty high last year and it looks like you guys are holding your own. Mostly.

I found the Vitamin L & Letter to David Cameron articles absolutely hilarious.

What I can’t understand though is why you let Raff Piccolo take up the whole back page to waffle on about nothing at all. In issue #4 his words amounted to, ‘holidays are good so enjoy them but do some study and work on your time management’. Why are you letting Raff pretend to be everyone’s mum? He is the Union president, surely he is privy to some happenings or information which the student body would actually be interested in hearing about. If Rhia can write an engaging article about alcoholism without sounding like the stale old lecture we all received in high school surely you can get some good work out of Raff.

Oh and the 3D stereogram was weird. Cos I could see it in 3D but I still couldn’t tell what I was looking at. Cheers, Sahil

Eds: **SPOILER ALERT** The stereogram was the answer to a question we pose every issue, namely ‘Where’s Wall-E?’

Cheers, Hayden

Apology Issue 79.4’s article ‘A Sentimental Education’ was missing an illustrator byline; drawings were by Christina Harding (who, incidentally, did the amazing cover artwork for this edition).

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Targedoku S

R G

G I E R N S A D O

N D R G O A I S E

A S O E D I R G N

9 Letter word: Exploding

I A D N S E O R G

O E G D I R S N A

S R N O A

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Crypt-O-Clue 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Semen Post Bin Weed Hymn Violet

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Quiz Portland Trail Blazers Six Zeus Gander The appearance of being real or true

6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Percy Aldridge Grainger George Eliot True Annapolis Ash

E I D

No peeking until youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve done the diversions on page 47

Answers

Vox POP

BUDDAH

TILDE

WILL

Media/International Studies

Law/Development Studies

Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering

1. 2.

3. 4. 5.

It I got a concussion; I was having a backwards running race through Rundle Mall and stacked it over one of the pigs Don’t care, I’m usually out of here by 11 The guy who killed the clown in It Dogs

The Lion King — why do they show those movies to young kids? One time my friend pulled a chair out from under me; I couldn’t sit down for a week Not a fan (although more acceptable after a few drinks) Wally from Where’s Wally — he’s just really good at hiding… Dogs, no question.

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1. 2.

3. 4. 5.

Zombieland I copped a straw in my eye. I missed it while attempting to drink. Excellent Seb Tape (AFL Player with the Gold Coast Suns) Kittens

We asked our panel of randomly selected students: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

What’s the most frightening movie you’ve ever seen? What’s your most intense drunken injury? What do you think about having really loud house music on the Barr Smith Lawns at lunchtime? Who is your personal hero? Cats or dogs?

CHRISTIE

HONG

PATRICK

Evolutionary Biology

Pharmacy

Business

3. 4. 5.

Wrong Turn — cannibalism and that kind of shit in a forest. Terrifying. During O’Week I had an epic, inexplicable bruise on my ankle. I think it was high-heel related. Really cool Iron Man Dogs

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Saw — that movie’s disgusting. I fell down a flight of stairs last night… It’s good — great atmosphere. Superman was the best hero ever. Dogs

1. 2.

3. 4. 5.

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The Blob I got really drunk on Absinthe and started chasing a moth. I fell backwards off a balcony, really hurt my back, and was about a metre away from skewering myself on a pole. Good idea, every now and again. Pat Rafter; I used to be really keen on tennis. Dogs, absolutely.

Degrees of Knowledge

Despite being in my fourth year of study, I have borrowed books from the library twice and only recently found out what the Reading Room is. I also don’t know where any of the toilets on main campus are. I’m a medical student, which means for the last four years I have been over in that building on Frome, attending what is essentially a high school; you go through six years with (mostly) the same classmates, and at the end of it you graduate... and then start studying again. The heart is a dual sided pump. So too, in some ways, is the medical school. In my adequately awesome anatomy analogy, students are blood, schools are veins, and the multi-chambered, faintly sheep scented heart is the medical school. Then there are arteries, which are life after university, where you are thrust when the safety blanket of university is roughly torn away from you; the medical school symbolically ‘contracts’, ejecting a yearsix worth of students rushing out into all sorts of places. Personally, I used to chew my safety blanket, so I’m not sure what that does to the flow of the example. Or says about me as a person. Yes, my analogy is somewhat childish, and oddly reminiscent of those quasi-educational five minute programs on somewhere between Playschool and The Tomorrow 8

People, featuring a gender-neutral protagonist with an adenoidal voice, off on a voyage of learning, but oh well. Sometimes it would probably be beneficial to be gender-neutral. Apparently it is 1952, because introducing yourself as a female studying medicine still puts some people on the first train to Struggletown, a place where the population still struggles to accept that you’re not going to graduate as a nurse. Anyway, the path to medical school begins at various points, depending on who you are. According to one textbook, those with mature ego defence mechanisms who have the desire to cut, sublimate these “unacceptable impulses in a socially acceptable way” by becoming surgeons. Sometimes, textbooks are full of crap. I’m not sure what was going through my year 12 head at the time, other than Panic! At the Disco, but somehow, with a load of others I ended up attempting to pass through the UMAT filter. I picture this much like those toys for babies, which involve fitting the right shape into the right hole (as a side note, these toys are an amusing segue for children into finding out where they come from). The UMAT is a fantastic opportunity for students to demonstrate their empathy, problem solving skills and

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An insider’s look at something you don’t study

Words: Elizabeth Flux

their ability to arrange shapes into sequence via a three part, multiple-choice exam. Pending your results on this (and apparently on the results of others, as some ‘correct’ answers are chosen on a ‘majority rules’ basis...) you may then be asked to an interview. When I remember what my interpretation of ‘professional attire’ was for my interview I die, just a little bit, on the inside. But, you make it through. You start first year. You buy a stethoscope. And a white coat. You wear both of these items down Frome. You look like a douche. You never do it again. You also start learning things. In amongst all the “bicuspid aortic valves are present in 1% of the population”, and that pushing on your eyeball stimulates the vagus nerve and makes you pass out, you also learn that it is possible to become addicted to textbooks, that Medcest is rampant, and that it is NOT OK to have a rucksack. It also changes your day to day life — if you watched Wolverine and heard someone laughing in an otherwise serious moment, it may well have been a med student. Spoiler alert : hydrochlorothiazide doesn’t make you appear dead. It makes you pee. In terms of the course itself, it is divided into two parts.

The first three years are ‘pre-clin’, which are spent mostly in the medical school, with gradual exposure to real patients. You spend a lot of time in small tute groups working through hypothetical ‘cases’, which are supplemented by ‘resource sessions,’ which focus on anatomy and physiology. The final three years are ‘clinical’. You spend time at different hospitals to gain practical experience, and, in my case, develop special skills in standing directly in front of where someone needs to get to. Seriously. Today I was nearly run over by a gurney, complete with patient. Anyway, I’m not sure if it has come across in all the previous, but despite the fact that now I can’t get ill without immediately diagnosing myself with heart attacks, pneumonia and/or Ebola, I do actually really love what I’m studying. My relationship with my degree is complicated. Yes, I sometimes have a rage about all the little irritating flaws, and yes, fantasize about running away with that yoga teaching course. But then, med pops up, with a surprise bouquet of medical supplies, and you laugh together about the fact that there actually is something called ‘the canal of Schlemm’ in your eye. You remember that your degree is not the same thing as your career, and then go back to sleeping on your 3078 page textbook. Learning by osmosis: I’m still trying. O

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HOW TO Sound Like you know WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT Words: Adam Marley / Illustrations: Chantelle Reece

Ever find yourself in the midst of a conversation, the topic of which you are under-informed on? You listen intently but begin to panic when you don’t recognise the important names one friend is dropping, or the elitist jargon another starts vomiting forth. “What if they turn to me expecting an opinion? What will I do? We’re only on the second story – I’m sure I’ll survive defenestrating myself.” Don’t be afraid, On Dit has come to your aid!

Step 1. If at all possible, change the subject to one you are familiar with. To accomplish this seamlessly you’re going to want to wait ‘til there is even the slightest modicum of a correlation between the current subject and the one you’re angling for, then jump in with the interruption of your life (punch somebody for added effect if you like, preferably the person talking). This is easy for transitions like politics to economics or religion to philosophy, much more difficult for something like medical use of lasers to cake. If you find yourself hampered by a lack of any correlation, just jump in when the speaker takes a breath — ignore the look of incredulity on your friends’ faces due to your complete disregard for etiquette, sequiturs or subtlety — you’re about the knock their 10

socks off with your cake knowledge bombs. If you can’t even manage that, simply use a contrastive conjunction — e.g. ‘but’ — despite your lack of a contradictory or differing opinion (this works, trust me; you don’t usually realise you’re in accord until half an hour later).

Step 2. Topic swap accomplished, your next move is to speak (don’t fuck it up). You’re going to want to open with “I read in…”. If you don’t, your overeducated Uni friends will immediately cease listening, and never respect your opinion again. The actual publication you decide to reference is irrelevant — your friends will nod along knowingly regardless (so as to create the illusion that they too have read your imaginary article). My personal favourite superfluous reference is The Economist, firstly because it reports on pretty much everything (besides cake, unfortunately), secondly, because it’s British and therefore credible.

Step 3. While artfully demonstrating your well-read-ness, it helps to use as many buzzwords and acronyms as pos-

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sible, thus solidifying your obvious expertise on the issue at hand. Buzzwords can be a little tricky, your first course of action is to rote learn some for various topics (for economics or finance try: incentivise, transparency, opportunity cost, and fixed-income securities), otherwise just make them up (it helps to be believable here). Acronyms are easier, anything that could possibly be initialised or abbreviated in anyway (and that is pretty much everything if your try hard enough) – do it. Nobody will call you out, mainly because, again, their biggest fear is to be seen as ignorant, but also because there are no hard-and-fast rules set out. (Seriously, Wikipedia it; did you know Benelux is actually three countries? Crazy!)

Step 4. At this point you should have ‘em convinced; the only thing left to do is maintain the farce. This is tested most rigorously when somebody questions you. If this should occur, for the love of God, don’t attempt to answer! The correct recourse is to shrug the question off in the most derisive way possible; you’re going to want to significantly up the pretentiousness and condescension here, and don’t be afraid to throw in a haughty sneer or patronising little laugh. O Volume 79, Issue 5

Mere PUFFERY Is cigarette regulation all smoke and mirrors? Words: Casey Briggs / Illustrations: Ann Nguyen-Hoang

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When it comes to cigarettes, the jury is most definitely in. They are not good for you. They might even kill you. We’ve known this for a while, and governments around the world have taken up the fight to eliminate the scourge of tobacco on our society. We can’t just ban cigarettes, because we’d end up with a prohibition style black market rising up (although the idea of people roaming the street dressed as gangsters is appealing, organised crime is not so much). It’s going to take considerably more cunning. Most smokers start young, in their teenage years. Indeed, tobacco companies find it most productive to market their cigarettes to teenagers, because, if they can get them smoking their brand from the outset, chances are they’ll continue with that brand for a long time to come. In a way, young people are the lifeblood of big tobacco. If the government can convince youth to not take up smoking, they would effectively dry-up this lifeblood, and stand a good chance of killing the big tobacco monster once and for all. Hence, one of the key goals has been to reduce the number of youth that take up smoking.

few reasons: I don’t smoke heavily, I haven’t been smoking too long and I’m still quite young (i.e. regenerating cells rapidly enough); mostly though, it’s because I don’t really care - chalk it up to a short time-horizon, or a lack of negative experiences, but my present enjoyment outweighs any potential future consequences (which I have, perhaps somewhat naively, assessed as rather unlikely). He points out that even though he is a smoker, that doesn’t necessarily have to be the end of him. “I could be the healthiest person in the world and get hit by a bus tomorrow, so why go through life denying yourself the simple pleasures?” Michael expresses a similar sentiment:

“

One of the keys to doing this is to understand why it is that young people choose to smoke. We are long past the ‘more-doctors-smoke-camels-than-any-othercigarette’ days. While those that took up smoking in that era were unaware of the health consequences, the same can’t be said about the ‘every-cigarette-is-doing-youdamage’ generation. It seems fair to assume that young people are aware of the dangers of smoking before they take it up. So why would someone start a tobacco habit, and are they concerned about the consequences?

Mechanical Larynx of the People How better to answer that than with a straw poll with an extremely small sample size? Adam is relatively new to smoking, and says that he “Tried it, enjoyed it, continued it; pretty simply really.” Michael is an unashamed smoker with different reasons for his habit. For him, it is predominantly a social activity. “I get a tremendous amount of satisfaction out of having a drink and a cigarette, it kills boredom as well (for example, waiting for the bus), and it can be relaxing. And, you know, the addiction.” So it seems that enjoyment is one of the bigger motivators behind smokers. Hardly surprising, when you think about it. But what about the health risks, why isn’t the danger of disease enough to stop them? Our highly unscientific survey gives a general feeling of fearlessness, which I suspect a large number to hold. Adam elaborates: The risk is always in the back of my mind… however it isn’t enough to stop me from smoking for a

Of course the health risks are a worry and it is prevalent in my mind. But at my age of 22, I find that because the fear is, seemingly, not imminent, it simply does not outweigh the satisfaction I get from smoking. The fact that I am aware of this sounds an alarm in my brain; it’s just not loud enough yet for me to give much attention and concern.

“ Essentially, all packets of cigarettes will look both identical and hideous. Naturally, tobacco companies are less than pleased. ”

So even though current smokers are aware of the danger to their health, whereas those of several decades ago were not, it does not scare them. It appears that many smokers have got a big case of ‘It’ll-never-happen-to-me’ Syndrome. Reasons for smoking don’t appear to have changed all that drastically. What else can be done to make cigarettes undesirable?

A history of tobacco control In Australia, we’ve somewhat pioneered the movement against tobacco. Almost all forms of tobacco advertising were outlawed in 1992, including sponsorship of sporting events. There are restrictions on the type of displays permitted at the point of sale, and on top of this, currently around 70 per cent of the packaging on cigarettes is covered by images and text that are sort of gross. We have anti-smoking legislation covering various public spaces, and the government hiked the tax on cigarette sales last year by 25 per cent. Closer to home, the University of Adelaide has also instituted a smoke-free

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campus decree, however unenforceable that is. These days, virtually the only way that the tobacco companies have to market their product is through the packaging on the cartons themselves. Now don’t be mistaken, there are still plenty of ways to influence a customers decision based on the packaging. For example, in one study, men and women rated the experience of smoking identical cigarettes differently, depending on the brand name they were given. When assigned the brand name ‘April’, women tended to rate the cigarette higher than men, and when given the decidedly more masculine name ‘Frontiersman’, men rated it more positively. Colours and designs can also affect the perceived strength of a cigarette. Indeed, there have been studies showing that packaging is just as important as peer influence when choosing a brand.

Plain Jane Cigarette Co. However, the days of manipulating your cigarette buying habits may be nearing their end. The federal government recently announced plans to introduce what’s been called ‘plain cigarette packaging’. Under this proposed legislation, all cigarettes will be sold in plain olive

green packaging, with no logos. The brand name will be printed in white text, in a specific font, legible from one metre away. Most of the rest of the carton will be covered in health warnings and pictures. Essentially, all packets of cigarettes will look both identical and hideous. Naturally, the tobacco companies are less than pleased. The goal of all this is to meet the government target and bring smoking rates to below 10 per cent by 2018, from 16.6 per cent in 2007. But will it work? A study published by The Cancer Council Victoria in 2008 investigated this question through an online survey, in which participants were shown cigarette packets with varying degrees of plain packaging. This study suggested that progressively generic cigarette packets were perceived increasingly negatively, as you might expect. Our extremely unscientific study also gives an indication as to the likely success of the move to plain cigarette packaging. Adam says that “Plain packaging would have absolutely NO effect” on his habit. Michael also doubts the effectiveness of the initiative. “I think this initiative is proof that the government does not really understand what makes people smoke … the government can make whatever rules they like, because who’s going to stick up for the rights of smokers? Of course no one is; it’s almost taboo now.” He says, in a conclusion pithier than I could ever give, that schemes like this “just create hurdles for smokers to walk around, rather than making them jump.” O

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Falun Gong Words: Georgia Lawrence Doyle Illustration: Alex Weiland

Cult or Calling?

“So people say, ‘What did Falun Dafa do to him to make him like that? Looks like he’s lost a few marbles.’ But actually, that’s not what’s going on.” –Li Hongzhi (Founder of Falun Gong) January 5, 1996. On Chinese New Year, 2001, seven people set themselves on fire on Tiananmen Square, Beijing. The image of a twelve year old girl ablaze was broadcast by international news agencies. The self-immolators were later deemed by the official Chinese press agency, Xinhua News Agency, to be Falun Gong practitioners. In their defence, The Falun Dafa Information Centre subsequently claimed that the event was a “cruel but clever piece of stunt work” on behalf of the authoritarian government. I admit that I initially struggled to take any belief system seriously whose emblem features a fluorescent Swastika. I also questioned an organisation which refused to be labelled a religion in some countries but not others. Perhaps I am just naturally derisive of people who call themselves ‘spiritual’ and can be seen in parks early on a Saturday, moving about as if they are underwater. Over the past fifteen years, however, the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) have evidently had no qualms

in casting the “spiritual movement” of Falun Gong (or alternatively, Falun Dafa) as a distinct threat, not only to Chinese society, but to the world. This became apparent on the 20 July 1999, when the CCP declared the Research Society of Falun Dafa and the Falun Gong Organisation illegal due to its involvement in “advocating superstition, spreading fallacies, hood-winking people, inciting and creating disturbances and jeopardising social stability.” The Ministry of Public Security further declared it a crime to practice Falun Gong in groups, to possess its teachings, to display Falun Gong banners or symbols, or to protest the ban. So have believers of Falun Gong indeed lost their marbles? And if they have, does the Chinese government have a right to punish them for this? In order for us to form an opinion on the reception of Falun Gong, it is essential to comprehend what it is actu-

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Picture: www.flickr.com/photos/robbieg1

ally on about. It is recognised as a “system of beliefs or practices” founded by ‘Master’ Li Hongzhi in the North Eastern provinces of China in 1992. Falun Gong emerged towards the end of China’s qigong boom, a period which saw the flourishing of traditional “cultivation” practices involving meditation, slow-moving exercises or regulated breathing. Falun Gong varies, however, from other qigong schools, such as Tai Chi, through its absence of daily worship and its controversial focus on morality. While Falun Gong welcomes concepts from Buddhism, Taoism and Confucianism, Li is adamant that it is not a religion per se. Instead, he claims that it is “knowledge rather than religion, a new form of science rather than faith.” Another element which separates Falun Gong from institutionalised modern religion is its lack of organisational or hierarchical structure. There is no official membership, and the extent of practitioners’ involvement is entirely optional. Where Falun Gong blurs the boundary between ‘spirituality’ in the Madonna-Kabbalah-following sense, and structured religious faith, however, is Falun Gong’s rigid moral code.

Salvation through moral rectitude is a key component of the teachings of Falun Gong. The slogan of this moral lifestyle is ‘Truthfulness, Benevolence and Forbearance.’ According to Zhuan Falun, the foundational text published in late 1994, Li states that these three principles constitute the fundamental nature of the cosmos. Practitioners are thus expected to assimilate themselves to these qualities by letting go of “attachments and desires,” to constantly act out of kindness and to endure suffering in order to restore karma. While the idea of living one’s life according to three benevolent characteristics seems substantially simpler, even more honest, than the fire and brimstone of the ten-commandments, Zhuan Falun demonstrates the fine print behind these ‘fundamental’ standards for human life. Li states that these comprise of a strict moral diet for practitioners, including abstention from smoking, alcohol, drugs, gambling, premarital sex and homosexuality. All of these behaviours are said to produce negative karma and disrupt the natural order of the afterlife. At this point, Falun Gong loses its ostensibly ‘go with the flow’ attitude. The first half of the 90s saw a rapid growth of support for Falun Gong within China—both on a community level, as well as the from the CCP, who embraced it as a successful means of lowering health care costs and promoting indigenous Chinese culture. The change in feeling towards the organisation

can probably be traced to Falun Gong’s withdrawal from the Qigong Association in March 1996. This departure from state endorsement may as well have been waving the red flag at the communist bull; three months later, following the placement of Zhuan Falun II on the nation’s best sellers list, the Chinese media turned on Falun Gong. In the Guangming Daily, a prominent national newspaper, practitioners of Falun Gong were referred to as “pseudo-scientific swindlers” whose publications boasted “feudal superstition.” This article acted as a catalyst for a wave of press criticism, evident in the twenty major newspapers’ subsequent condemnations of Falun Gong. Shortly after, on the 24 July, the Central Propaganda Department placed a ban on all publication of Falun Gong texts, with Li subsequently condoning the distribution of counterfeit and hand-copied versions of his texts. Towards the end of the 90s, the CCP’s discrimination of the burgeoning Falun Gong movement had escalated. Falun Gong’s response to the suppression began in July 1999 with pleas to local, provincial and central petitioning offices in Beijing, later progressing into large demonstrations on Tiananmen Square. The culmination of these protests was Falun Gong’s response to an article published by physicist, He Zuoxiu, in Tianjin Normal University’s Youth Reader magazine, in which the organisation was depicted as superstitious and dangerous. Practitioners reacted by picketing the offices of the newspaper and protesting “very quietly and politely” before their dispersal by three hundred riot police. Many adherents were beaten, and forty-five arrested—reminiscent of the violent suppression of student protesters on Tiananmen Square in 1989. Subsequently, tracts of propaganda declared Falun Gong as “anti-science,” (thus restricting progress) and its core moral philosophy as contrary to China’s Marxist social ethic. In 2002, Falun Gong activists slightly diverged from their passive protesting with the hijacking of television networks to broadcast their own content. The most notable of these snatches of power in the media occurred in March 2002, with the interception of eight cable television programmes in the Jilin Province. Falun Gong followers broadcasted a program entitled “Self-Immolation or a Staged Act?” for nearly an hour. The consequence of this media upheaval: all six Falun Gong participants were captured and tortured to death. An article was subsequently published by Xinhua stating that the Falun Gong “addicts” had violated clause one of Article 124 and clause one of Article 300 of the Criminal

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Law of the People’s Republic of China (PRC) by cutting into the cable television network to “broadcast their propaganda, disseminate their heresy through the Internet, make direct phone calls, anonymously, from overseas to harass innocent residents.” Moreover, the author warned those who shield or support the “evil cult” that they should “halt at the brink of the precipice, or they will suffer from their actions in the end.” Suffer for their actions they have. Extreme reprisals for followers of Falun Gong have been widespread throughout China for over a decade now and have been a source of global controversy. These punitive reforms have manifested themselves primarily in the “conversion programs” established by the PRC, which according to James Tong, “aim at both the coercive dissolution of the Falun Gong denomination and the ‘transformation’ of its practitioners.”

“

“ The U.S. State Department estimates that up to half the population of China’s reeducation-through-labour camps are supporters of Falun Gong. ”

The government portrayal of the conversion process depicts psychological advice and several “softsell” techniques. This image is vastly at odds with Falun Gong reports, however, which emphasise Mao-influenced methods of coercion, indoctrination and thought-reform against those who refuse to forsake their beliefs. The U.S. State Department estimates that up to half the population of China’s re-education-through-labour camps are supporters of Falun Gong. The conditions in these camps and these programs are under much debate. It has been officially recorded that there have been 14,474 cases of torture (although Falun Gong agencies document over 63,000 individual cases of torture). These cases demonstrate severe beatings; psychological anguish; corporal punishment; forced labour and stress positions; solitary internment in fetid conditions; “heat treatment” including burning and freezing; electric shocks; forced feeding; the spearing of bamboo

strips into fingernails; food, sleep and toilet deprivation; rape and gang rape; asphyxiation—and, slightly less horrific, the termination of employment or student status. While there have been attempts among Western press circles and human rights organisations to reveal these atrocities, by the latter half of 2001, the volume of media reports had declined. By 2002, The New York Times and The Washington Post had almost entirely terminated their coverage of Falun Gong. This silencing of the West highlights the influence of the CCP, who have attempted to globally mute encouragement for Falun Gong practitioners among journalists, politicians and academics. In response, Falun Gong has established international media organisations for the global exposure of their cause, allowing them to directly challenge the Chinese state-run media. These include The Epoch Times newspaper, New Tang Dynasty Television, and Sound of Hope radio station. Despite society’s budding awareness of the inhumane treatment of followers of Falun Gong, the insidious “cult” label seems far from diminished in the Western consciousness. David Ownby claims that this stigma still plays a role in the wary public perceptions of Falun Gong. It seems to come down to this: we just can’t seem to rise above the inherent ‘weirdness’ of it all. Li’s assertion, for example, that there is a “small fluorescent screen like a television,” positioned in the forehead which possesses the power of total recall, makes it difficult to erase the scary “cult” images from our minds. There comes a point, however, where we have to weigh up the suspected harm inflicted on practitioners within Falun Gong, and the visible harm resulting from the corruption and abuse of administrative power. It seems significant that Falun Gong has thrived in a country like the U.S., which seems to make a national habit out of practicing “weird” religions. Yet the bible-bashers continue to live their lives in peace. Somewhere along the line it stops being about ‘religion’ and becomes a question of human rights. “Homophobic mind control cult” or not, The Wall Street Journal’s statement rings true—the Falun Gong faithful have mustered “what is arguably the most sustained challenge to authority in 50 years of Communist rule.” I say, let them lose their marbles and leave them alone. O

Volume 79, Issue 5

The World Language

Esperanto. It sounds like a cool Zorro sequel, or a new type of coffee that the jerk in front of you orders: extra hot, soy, with not too much froth. However, Google and Wikipedia (the two coolest kids around) will tell you that it is, in fact, the world’s only international language.*

* Deeper delving into the depths of Google, will lead you to also discover it to be a type of tequila which is apparently ‘flowery’ (ew) and ‘peppery’ (double ew).

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Bonvolu paroli pli laute? Words: ellen Morgan / Illustration: Richard Seglenieks

The inventor Two words. World Peace. Well, at least that was the plan. Ludwig Lazarus Zamenhof (see, I told you!) was a Belarusian-Jewish ophthalmologist from Bialystok. Epic description. Zamenhof decided that we needed a language that was spoken worldwide, to promote peace and harmony. He aimed not to replace any other form of language on the earth, but simply to make this a mandatory second language for all people throughout the world. So, like a human Care-Bear, Zamenhoff began developing the language from around the 1870s through the 1880’s. Born in only 1859, Zamenhoff was somewhat of an olden-day Sheldon Cooper, speaking nine languages by the age of 19, and well on the way to creating his own! He published his first book on the language in 1887, detailing the grammatical structure of Esperanto, and included a variety of translations and prose he had written. Zamenhoff signed the work “Doktoro Esperanto” which means ‘Doctor Hopeful’ and it valiantly held this title his whole life, as he struggled to develop Esperanto, meaning ‘one who hopes’, and create a better world. Every hero has his foes. Like in any Care-Bears episode, Doctor Hopeful met his fair share of evil villains. Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, as well as the Soviet Union were all against Esperanto. They scoffed at the idea of a form of international integration, or any form of universal understanding that the language sought to create. Heaven forbid! Hitler even made a personal attack on the language, given that Zamenhoff was Jewish. He spoke about the ‘dangers’ of the language produced by Jews in a speech he gave in 1922. He had long known about Esperanto, and once he gained political power, he banned the language to from being taught or spoken throughout Germany and broke down any Esperanto associations

that had developed up to the 1930’s. In Mein Kampf, Hitler announced that Esperanto was likely a language produced by the Jewish as a form of international conspiracy so they could acquire world domination. Ummm sound familiar?!? Hitler and the Nazi’s even went so far as to seek out those who were Esperanto supporters, in particular, murdering members of Zamenhoff’s family. Later, in the Soviet Union, after a brief spell of acceptance of the language, communist party secretary Joseph Stalin banned Esperanto, or as he called it “language of the spies”, and had many supporters killed. But it wasn’t all bad for Zamenhoff, who is exemplary of that favourite parental saying; ‘success comes with perseverance’... Well, sort of.

The glory days Whilst Esperanto has never become an official second language, it has some significant historical milestones. The 1900’s saw the consideration of an official Esperanto State within a small condominium between Belgium and Germany. The State would be called ‘Amikejo’ meaning ‘place of friendship’, and a proposed anthem (in Esperanto of course) was even developed. The 20th Century also prompted Chinese linguist Qian Xuantong to promote the replacement of the Chinese language with Esperanto in a drastic attempt to modernise the country. While these proposals never came to fruition, they illustrate the colourful history of this struggling language. The good news for Esperanto came in 1954, when UNESCO recognized it as a form of global cohesion and understanding. The world’s largest Esperanto association, the Universal Esperanto Association now holds, to this day, official ties with UNESCO and the United Nations.

Volume 79, Issue 5

Esperanto Esperanto Today Esperanto never really took off in the language world. It’s like the 4th Shrek. There are so many of them you’re just not sure how many more ogre jokes you can take. In a similar fashion, people seemed quite content with the languages they already had, and adding yet another language to our education seemed quite the tall order (not the delicious Starbucks variety). Nevertheless, like any series of sequels, Esperanto still has its die-hard fans. While there is no Esperanto action figure, you can certainly find a whole host of online content to feed your appetite. Esperanto now even has its own mascot, ironically, a green shrek-like character... with no body, who pops up to tell you various random facts about the language. Despite this being somewhat creepy, these websites do tell you all you need to know, and even have tutorials where you can teach yourself the basics. Today, Esperanto is taught in a few schools around the world, particularly in Europe, and is officially on the curriculum in schools in Hungary and Bulgaria, as well as in China. It is estimated that around 500,000 to 2 million people worldwide speak Esperanto, and are avid users of these websites. The web provides

Esperanto — as trendy as marbles?

Through my avid googling, I found several interviews with Esperanto fans, professing its qualities in aiding the production of friendships around the world, and making travel, and even work opportunities, a lot easier.

“There [are] a vast number of poets in Esperanto, and there [are] a lot of vegetarians and pacifists” he says.

One begs the question as to whether this does, however, seem to put a dampener on the whole idea of cultural diversity in first place. I mean seriously, where is the fun in traveling if you can’t buy a ‘naughty words’ phrasebook, or giggle to yourself when you find out that shower is ‘douche’ in French? We seem to have coped just fine so far by using elaborate gesticulations, and pointing. Why stop now? And really, when it all comes down to it, people who speak different languages/have exotic accents are FREAKIN HOT, and who wants to ruin that?

If you’re anything like me, you’re already beginning to get an idea of the population of Esperantists. These are the same guys who order the extra hot soy coffee, and won’t even use shampoo unless it’s certified organic! Esperanto is merely the new ‘baby sling’ in the world of pretentious cool. Many famous books and novels have also been translated into Esperanto, as well as several movies (some even made originally in Esperanto). In1965, William Shatner starred in an independent film Incubus which largely used Esperanto as the main language. Tolkein’s The Lord Of The Rings, much of Shakespeare’s work, as well as Winnie the Pooh have all been translated into Esperanto.

ol e- To rld r d s “ wo tle ce h ” Hi oun wis tion n Je na of omi d

On Dit Magazine

Like the beloved pee wee and bullseye marbles owned by the coolest kids in the playground, Esperanto has been adopted as a status symbol. David Kelso, one of Esperanto’s most well-known adherents, who has been speaking the language for 45 years, says it has become a symbol of idealism.

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s fi ho en m Za orn b

rte in - j vo n ka ro ng : A o lib Li cia rol rno na ûpa a le ed ta n sh e pl ubli p

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a perfect platform for the language and its users. The language has become particularly popular on MSN and online chat sights, where Esperanto is recognized as a language. There is also a host of various Esperanto websites which have links connecting speakers around the world. The World Wide Web is also the gateway to a plethora of Esperanto associations where members can ‘meet’....sounds like a nerdy version of E-Harmony!

Esperanto It has also been referenced in several programs including Frasier and the West Wing. So, with Frodo, Winnie the Pooh and Frasier on its side, how could Esperanto not come out a winner? Today, Esperanto might be a fun hobby to have, like pig latin when we were kids. However, realistically, reviving the language throughout the world seems an unlikely event, especially given the rise of English as the world’s second language. One cannot help but see this as a reflection of our world today — Western countries, such as the US, are so dominating that English has become all-pervasive. Furthermore, we can but muse for a time gone by when individuals like Zamenhoff wished to bring the world together; creating more equality between nationalities through a unifying language. These days, we seem to be approaching the issue of equality in a different way; we aim to embrace difference, rather than create sameness. Instead of creating one universal language to unite us, we are simply becoming more educated on cultural differences and diversifying our outlook on the world through travel. So, all you need is a plane ticket and an open mind. I think Zamenhoff would approve. O

Bonvolu paroli malpli rapide Unlike apparently any other language on the planet, Esperanto works on the notion that an international language should be something that is not too difficult. Zamenhoff hoped that in making it less complicated, it would spread quicker and become more popular. Said to be a combination of Franglais and Spanglish, the language has no irregular verbs...and for anyone who has learnt any language like French (which has approximately a billion - CBF) this is the coolest thing since sliced smiley fritz. People have reported it to be 5 times easier to learn than French, 10 times easier than Russian, and 20 times easier than Chinese!!!* Yes please! Here’s a few important phrases to get you started (straight from the little green man himself!) I speak Esperanto! Mi paroles Esperantan! What the heck are you wearing? Kion diable vi portas? You smell like a crocodile! Vi odoras kiel krokodilo! He has big nostrils. Li havas gradajn naztruojn. I want to hug that squirrel. Mi volas brakumi tiun sciuron. Never pee into the wind. Neniam pisu en la venton. No joke, those were ‘useful phrases’ suggested on the website. Golden. * (According to the language ‘easy-ometer’ from the ‘I want to be bi-lingual but can’t be bothered’ manual...no but seriously, where do they get these stats!)

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r ne at us Sh cub iam In ill in W ar s st

o by nt d ra se pe ni O Es cog SC re NE U

pe Es ay: is an an d. m rg e or er o nn G nto ba rs ed’ ra ns ke ag tio pea our d’. S sc ve i ‘d emo ‘r

s 30 19

Volume 79, Issue 5

Port Adelaide The

Slow Death

Of Port Adelaide Photography: Andrew Burley / Words: Galen Cuthbertson

Adelaide is filled with lines, most of them neat, not all of them pretty. When Colonel Light first designed Adelaide, he separated the Port from Adelaide proper. He drew a line on the map; he put a cleft in things. At the time, it was a controversial decision. It divided the merchant community, and Colonel Light drew fire from the Governor himself. Colonel Light’s decision was a practical choice, but it had social implications: it drew a line between the City and the Port (since erased by Adelaide’s sprawl), but it also built two distanced commercial centres in the colony. And it’s a decision whose echoes and ripples are still being felt. Today, Port Adelaide’s a dying thing; she’s dusty, and empty, and her breath is rasping faintly. If you walk down the streets, there are buildings boarded up. There are signs that claim Port Adelaide’s exciting, and a happy place to be — smiling retail development ads full of pretty blondes and kids.

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Volume 79, Issue 5

But they’re lying through their teeth, and when you look in the eyes of the few people around, you can see they know it too. There’s a wretched feeling of neglect and dereliction; of a town halfway abandoned. Historic buildings sleep and gradually decay — and are occasionally vandalised. The National Trust of Australia has called Port Adelaide one of the country’s most at-risk heritage locations. I wish I knew why Port Adelaide was dying, but I don’t. I think a lot of people wished they knew. Certainly, there are a lot of people — government, corporate, and the grey in between — who are trying to save it. They’re trying angrily and desperately. It’s CPR to her most broken places. A breath and thump of $1.2 billion. But sometimes things just ... die. And when they do, they seem to come fullcircle. Port Adelaide was born and founded in abjection and rejection, dust and decay. On the 6th of January, 1837, Captain Lipton took his post as the Port’s first Harbourmaster. Within three years, the media had renamed the Port: Port Misery. It was muddy and isolated, and beset by mosquitoes. By the late 1850s, more terms had been coined to describe it: “Dustholia” in summer, “Mudholia” in winter. By all accounts, Port Adelaide started pretty badly. But even so, progress progressed. It was a port, and ports mean trade. Buildings were built and industry flourished. By 1881, there were gas streetlights; by the 1920s and 30s, significant reconstruction of the wharves themselves occurred. The people were celebrating and recovering from

the war. There were buildings, largely un-vandalised, and almost all in use. And with a population on the rise, the port soon became a commercial centre: jobs were plentiful, and the shopping precinct was the second largest in the state. But then, the sixties came: the beginning of the fall. Shipping containers were invented and popularized, which reduced the costs of commerce. But it also meant lost jobs. To make matters worse, according to historian Brian Samuels, shopping centres opened in nearby suburbs, lessening the need for a concentrated commercial precinct. The Port began to crumble. The events of the sixties are a blow from which Port Adelaide has never really recovered. As early as the 1970s, calls were made for redevelopment. But it never really happened. People moved and looked for work, and slowly shops were boarded up. If you’ve ever been to Perth or Melbourne’s ports, you’ll know how unusual this is. A lot of ports today are beautiful, busy, effervescent places. So why not here? Well partly, I think, people started working earlier to save the others. Maybe it’s too late for ours. But maybe it’s just bad luck. Whatever the reason, the result is clear: Port Adelaide is dying, slowly. Walk the streets awhile. She’s once again Port Misery.

If you want to see more of Andrew’s photos (in colour, no less) then check out www.ondit.com.au

Volume 79, Issue 5

The Nature of

Global Terrorism

(and how not to fight it) Words: Tomas Macura

Osama Bin Laden died 10 years ago. I’m not proposing a conspiracy theory. US Navy SEALS may have ended his life at the beginning of May, but as the world’s most dangerous terrorist, capable of organising and ordering a significant plot, he has been incapacitated since the West’s intervention in Afghanistan, shortly after the September 11 attacks. The cheering masses of American citizens are celebrating nothing more than the symbolic victory that this man’s death represents. As an organisation capable of training terrorists, plotting attacks and carrying them out, al-Qaeda has been defunct since NATO and its allies overthrew the Taliban regime in Afghanistan and destroyed al-Qaeda’s headquarters and training camps. For the last decade, the most recognised and feared global terrorist group took the form of a decentralised network lacking any command and control capacity. The major attacks that followed, including Bali, Madrid, London and Mumbai were not organised or ordered by al-Qaeda proper. The majority of the terrorists involved never met Bin Laden or a senior al-Qaeda member, and were citizens of the countries in which they murdered scores of innocent civilians. At the most, they were inspired by, or loosely supported, al-Qaeda’s ideology. This is explained in the two fatwas Bin Laden issued in the mid ‘90s, calling for Muslims to engage in jihad against corrupt regimes within the Middle East, and Muslim states that are allied to the West. His primary targets were the Muslim rulers, whether secular or theocratic, who did not support Bin Laden’s aims; targeting the West was a means of achieving these objectives. Along with supporting undesirable regimes, al-Qaeda’s main beef with America’s foreign policy on the Middle East was its decision to station troops near holy sites in Saudi Arabia — Bin Laden’s birthplace — following the first Gulf War in 1991, its perceived indifference to the Israel/Palestine conflict, and the invasion of Iraq. To be sure, aside from this political agenda, Bin Laden’s demands include an extremist vision to unite the Islamic world in a super-state under a strict version of Sharia law. Nevertheless, it is important to understand that Bin Laden, his merry men and those inspired by him do not hate freedom. What they see as freedom is simply incompatible with our understanding of the world. Despite numerous Americans in various positions of power declaring that the West is not at war with Islam, former President Bush’s characterisation of the ‘war on terror’ as a Man-

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ichean struggle with religious overtures certainly acted as propaganda for proponents of this ideology. Terrorism’s objective is to cause political change. It targets civilians, in order to spread fear, and provoke the relevant government to over-react in its response. The over-reaction exposes the government’s oppressive nature and sparks a rebellion among the broader population. This fear also creates uncertainty in finan-

“

“ The majority of the terrorists involved never met Bin Laden or a senior al-Qaeda member ”

cial markets: a government frantically defending its population and infrastructure from potential terrorist attacks incurs significant economic costs. It is true that the US has avoided another September 11. However, the steps taken by Western governments and the intelligence community have played into the terrorists’ hands. At the extreme end, the practice of rendition — where suspects picked up by Western forces are transported to regimes known for using torture — has totally undermined the West’s moral high ground. In addition, the abuses committed at Guantanamo Bay, Abu Ghraib and other detention facilities for terrorist suspects have directly contributed to an increase in the number of terrorists seeking to defend Islam. Closer to home, draconian anti-terrorist legislation passed in many Western countries has further fuelled extremism, and marginalised minorities living in our societies. Racial profiling is both discriminatory and ineffective; detaining terrorist suspects for extended periods without charge is reprehensible. Apologists for such tactics present utilitarian arguments that they are necessary for the safety of the general population, and that terrorists surrender their human rights by choosing to target civilians. This ignores the fact that these measures increase radicalisa-

tion, while undercutting the liberal understanding that people are not a means to an end. The overwhelming majority of detainees that have been held in Guantanamo since it was opened have been proven innocent, and were either at the wrong place at the wrong time, or were falsely accused because of cash incentives offered to warlords. Furthermore, the ticking timebomb scenario often used to justify torture — where security forces are certain that a detainee has details of an imminent attack — is simply absurd. Intelligence has already failed if the bomb plot has advanced to this stage, and nothing can concretely prove the individual’s knowledge of the location. In any case, it has been proven that the use of torture does not produce results. Humans will say anything (i.e lie), to make pain stop and terrorists willing to sacrifice their lives for an ideology are unlikely to give in to medieval tactics, which actually serve to further their cause. It is a hollow justice which Americans are currently asserting. The legacy Bin Laden leaves behind is far more dangerous than the organisation he founded. The justification offered by Western leaders — including Julia Gillard — for operating in Afghanistan is that it denies terrorists a safe haven. Given the diffuse network that is global terrorism, this is highly misleading; the mission has clearly evolved to nation-building. Individuals and groups are already operating across borders from Somalia, Yemen and Pakistan. Finally, the greatest threat comes from self-radicalisation. These are the individuals, such as the Fort Hood shooter, the Christmas day bomber and the Times Square bomber, who may or may not be Western citizens and may or may not have travelled to meet and train with other extremists. They are often drawn to al-Qaeda’s ideology through the internet and decide to act alone. It is an enormous challenge for intelligence to identify these individuals. This is why a disproportionately aggressive foreign policy and military tactics, and the degradation of our civil liberties, will only aid global terrorism. The solution is to stop radicalisation in the first place. This can be achieved through fostering more tolerant societies in the West, better education at home and abroad, the delivery of effective development aid and crafting a moderate foreign policy committed to multilateralism. None of this is easy but, as they say, prevention is better than cure. O

Volume 79, Issue 5

Popular Psychiatric Drugs A light guide to some heavy medication Words: Angus Clark / Illustrations: Meg Lloyd

Behold - a short catalogue of popular modern psychiatric drugs for your information and delectation (delectation this guide that is, not the drugs - unless prescribed). Remember, drugs melt your mind, not in your hand.

Prozac (Fluoxetine) Prozac is the archetypal antidepressant, so well-known in popular culture that it has become a cliché. Chemical name fluoxetine, it is one of the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) class of antidepressants. Its generally accepted function is to block the reabsorption of serotonin in the brain. Say what? Serotonin, or 5-hydroxytryptamine, is an important neurotransmitter, a biochemical that is involved in the relaying of signals between cells in the brain. The transmitting cell releases neurotransmitters (such as serotonin) which then stimulate the receiving cell, which then releases neurotransmitters to another cell and so on, enabling propagation of the signal. The serotonin remaining between the cells is then reabsorbed in order for it to be used later - a process called reuptake. This is where the SSRI comes in. It blocks the mechanism by which serotonin would be reabsorbed, enabling serotonin to remain between the cells longer and thus to stimulate the receiving cell further. Thus, by extension, the entire brain is more stimulated; this is associated with less lows of mood. Seriously, that’s the simplest I could explain it.

obsessive-compulsive disorder. Downside-effects? These may include apathy, nausea, headache, drowsiness and sexual dysfunction - think diminished libido, erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia (a debilitating condition in which either no matter how hard you try you don’t get to the, er, climax). Fun fact: Eating bananas can increase your serotonin levels. Bananas are rich in the amino acid tryptophan, which is used by the body to synthesise serotonin. Thus bananas augment serotonin production and can help to lift your mood. It’s true, I’m not even being paid to write this.

This is the general means by which many antidepressants function, with some blocking the reuptake of other neurotransmitters as well. They are widely used to treat depression, anxiety and panic disorders, as well as 28

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Valium (Diazepam)

Lithium

Mother’s little helper, chemical name diazepam. Diazepam belongs to the benzodiazepine class of drugs, which are essentially minor tranquilisers. I say minor, because they are not intended to tranquilise elephants rather, they work primarily to reduce anxiety and induce serenity. Other effects include sedation, muscle relaxation and preventing agitation (I’m a poet and wasn’t previously aware of the situation).

Lithium is the third-lightest chemical element and was the third element created after the birth of the Universe. But it’s only astrophysicists who might get off on the knowledge of this. To the rest of us, it’s a great mood stabiliser, and also goes well in batteries.

A depressant of the central nervous system (CNS), diazepam decreases brain activity and is used to treat anxiety disorders, insomnia and to combat overdoses of CNS stimulants such as cocaine and amphetamines (Amy Winehouse would know). It is also sometimes used to induce amnesia prior to surgical procedures (you know the procedure’s going to be bad when the doctors decide you need specific drugs in order to not remember it). Diazepam is (humanely?) offered pre-execution under California’s lethal injection programme. On the downside, most benzodiazepines have a high addiction/dependence/abuse potential and have fallen on hard times in the reputability stakes. Common sideeffects include dizziness, nausea, impaired coordination and depression.

Lithium is compounded with other chemical groups and prescribed as a mood stabiliser. This makes it particularly effective for treating bipolar disorder, which is characterised by alternating phases of mania (hyperactivity, increased energy levels) and depression, as well as everything in-between. It’s not all fun and mood stability though - lithium can easily become toxic if its use is not strictly monitored, causing (among other things) kidney problems, tremors, convulsions, dehydration and speech impairment. Lithium is spooky in that nobody knows exactly how it works. Like most antidepressants, it increases levels of serotonin. It is possible that lithium has a synergistic effect, acting on multiple biochemical systems simultaneously. Fun fact: Back in the day (I’m talking the late 1800s/ early-mid 1900s) lithium was an ingredient in the soft drink 7 Up, which was formerly marketed as ‘Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda.’ Of course this name didn’t quite roll off the tongue, so they changed it. It’s even said that the ‘7’ in 7 Up represents the atomic weight of lithium - 7 daltons. The drink was marketed as a hangover cure and sounds like a bloody effective one to me (if

Volume 79, Issue 5

one of questionable legality). Lithium was removed from 7 Up in 1950 and now we rely on Panadol, Gatorade and barbecued chicken to get us through our hangovers. On a similar note and for those who don’t know, CocaCola is so named because it used to contain cocaine (probably an even better hangover remedy).

Haloperidol Haloperidol is the Big Daddy of psychiatric medication. Good ol’ Haldol, as it’s sometimes marketed, is one of the most potent antipsychotic drugs available today. Its effects by weight dosage are roughly 50 times those of chlorpromazine, an earlier-developed antipsychotic. In short, it does its job well. And just what is its job? Well, haloperidol is used in the treatment of schizophrenia, acute psychotic episodes and delirium, combating delusions, hallucinations, hyperactivity, aggression, the effects of other drugs, and so on. Haloperidol is thought to block dopamine receptors in the brain. A receptor is pretty much a site on a cell that recognises specific biochemical molecules and causes the cell to react in a certain way when it does. By blocking dopamine receptors, haloperidol combats the effects of excess dopamine, as these blocked receptors can no longer recognise the dopamine molecule. Excess dopamine in the brain is thought to cause psychosis and is also linked with schizophrenia. For example, drugs such as amphetamines and cocaine can increase baseline dopamine levels by up to ten times and cause temporary psychosis. Haloperidol, like most other psychiatric drugs, however, does not come without side-effects. Some of these are downright freaky. For example, the drug increases release of the hormone prolactin, the effects of which can (in both sexes) include breast enlargement and lactation. It’s lactate-eriffic (chortle)! Fun fact: Haloperidol is used in veterinary medicine as well and is especially effective when used on birds. A chicken, parrot or other bird with a feather-plucking

disorder will settle right down and be able to grow its feathers back when dosed up on haloperidol. LOL OMG WTF BBQ!?

Ritalin (Methylphenidate) Ritalin is chemically similar to amphetamines and its effects are similar to those of cocaine. In other words, Ritalin is the legal illegal drug. Its chemical name is methylphenidate. Sound like methamphetamine? And just look what it did to Lynette in Desperate Housewives — housewife to crack whore in no time! Dated pop culture references aside, Ritalin is a psychological stimulant drug that is used primarily to treat attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD, a learning and concentration disorder) and narcolepsy (a sleeping disorder characterised by excessive daytime fatigue). It increases levels of dopamine and noradrenaline in the brain. Mentioned above, dopamine is another important neurotransmitter that is associated with ‘feeling good’. As you’ll recall from our discussion of SSRIs, more neurotransmitters = more firing of brain cells = more brain activity. Thus, Ritalin increases brain activity and the ability to concentrate. Ritalin, like cocaine, is most addictive and has a range of side-effects. These include everything from dizziness, appetite suppression, weight loss, headaches to rapid heartbeat. And those are just the good ones. Ritalin can also cause psychosis, characterised by visual and auditory hallucinations, anxiety, paranoia and other delusions. Its use should be monitored and should not be provided as an indefinite fix for underlying problems. O

Disclaimer: This is a guide to drugs that are available only by prescription and is only intended to edify and educate. As you can see from the above, drug use can be addictive and carries with it many side-effects. Just say no, unless medically required.

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Study Drugs

Citius, Altius, Fortius

This is a story

Words: Svën Svènssønssön

about the illegal use of performance enhancing drugs for study. It occurs at

spoken to at least a dozen habitual users.

But

Adelaide university. I’ve

it does not occur just at this university. It occurs at all universities. It

is not the norm, but it does occur.

The sunlight is dancing rhythmically across the chess board. I can feel the pieces and the power of the board in a way I rarely do. I’m up four pieces and close to a mate — which never happens for a rookie like me — but I’m not really thinking about the game. I’m testing my memory of Shakespeare’s plays. I’m working chronologically: Hamlet, then Twelfth Night, then Troilus and Cressida. I’ve never felt like this before, and it’s a little fucking strange. I feel sharp and alert. I’m not lightheaded and jittery. I don’t feel high — I wouldn’t do this for fun. I feel calm and detached, and perhaps a little lonely. I feel well rested; like I’ve had a good night’s sleep for the first time in years. As if I’m thinking clearly. Like I’m finally myself. Over the next ten hours, I plan, write, and edit almost eight thousand words. I then proceed to read and note almost one hundred and fifty pages of law reading. It’s more than I’ve ever read or written in a day, and it happens in a state of shocking calm. I feel this way because of a prescription drug which I ordered online and took, willingly and without prescription. At this point, we should probably clear something up: I’m not a druggy. I don’t do coke, or meth, or junk, or acid. I don’t smoke pot, and I rarely even drink. I’m agonizingly sheltered and a stickler for the law. I’m ter-

rified of addiction and painfully aware of my tendencies towards it. Frankly, even my dependence on tea makes me nervous. I mean, sure, I find drugs fascinating, but the appeal is mostly academic. The human brain is a mysterious thing, and illegal economies are similarly so. And if you’re eager and unharming — the latter of which it is often hard to be — I fully support your freedom to get shitfaced or potheaded or pull a Charlie Sheen bender. But personally, I’m unlikely to be ‘bi-winning’ with you. So let’s be clear — what I did wasn’t just illegal and unwise; it was utterly out of character. It’s an occasional habit that I really struggle to square with my beliefs. And as you’ll see, that conflict is not uncommon. This is a kind of drug use that doesn’t fit with our usual conceptions of ‘drug use’. It’s not for pleasure, but it’s far from doctor-supported. Its ethics are hazy, and socially it seems to sit in something of a grey zone. Modafinil. Ritalin. Adderall. Dexedrine. Their histories are lengthy and their pharmacology arcane. I don’t really understand how they work, and I’ve been trying for a while. Basically, they either help you focus or suppress the need for sleep. They’re prescription stimulants. If you have a medical condition such as ADHD, depression, narcolepsy, or chronic fatigue, they’re prescribed to help you live a normal life. But for an increasing number

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of university students in the US, the UK, and even here at the University of Adelaide, they serve a very different function: study. They’re not for fun, and they’re not for treatment. They’re for work. The appeal of the drugs is easy to grasp on a number of levels. First, there’s the issue of pressure. For whatever reason, you’ve set yourself high academic goals that you’re struggling to meet. It’s late in the semester, and you’re actually studying hard. You’re behind in a couple of subjects, and exams are coming up. And then there’s that assignment due next Monday which you haven’t even started. There’s no way you’ll get a Distinction, but you’ll be damned if you give up now. You’ve been pulling all-nighters and you’re eschewing parties. But you’re still behind, and painfully so. Put simply? You’re freaking the fuck out.

Picture: Grumpy-Puddin http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpy-puddin

Study drugs address this pressure. Like those Red Bulls you’ve been chugging, drugs such as Ritalin and Modafinil let you sleep less, work more, and screw your courage to the sticking-place. But unlike Red Bull, they genuinely stimulate: you really do focus better, rather than just staying zombie-tired but conscious. As one regular user said, “getting High Distinctions isn’t easy for me. When I [want to] knuckle-down, the pills work better than coffee or Mother.” The appeal of the drugs, for some students, is that they help handle academic pressure better than their old-school (and non-prescription) equivalents. They’re a new breed of chemical gradeboost.

For the less nerdy students, however, the appeal of study drugs is closer to a lifestyle choice. There’s an image, I think, of what classic college/university life is like: lots of parties, lots of sex, sports, miscellaneous fun, a part time job, and study on the side. This lifestyle may be of the partying kind or, alternatively, standard ‘over-achiever’ variety. In either case, your life consists of a ridiculous number of commitments, and uni is hard to fit in amongst them. And if you want to live like that — which, so I’m told, you can — then you do have to handle the inevitable part of ‘university life’ that actually relates to ‘university’: you do, occasionally, have to study. Generally this involves cramming. Students who use study drugs in this context don’t seem to be aiming for High Distinctions, or even Distinctions. These users are aiming to pass, or get low credits, without needing to sacrifice the enjoyable parts of their lives

(ie. Their awesome lives). Lastly, though, study drugs hold a tacit and subconscious appeal. It’s an appeal hinted at in film and literature. James Bond uses Benzedrine. Sherlock Holmes uses cocaine. Most recently, a fictional ‘smart drug’ and stimulant called MDT-48 was described in The Dark Fields by Alan Glynn, which was adapted for film under the title Limitless. We all want to be smarter, more knowledgeable, more creative; even the greatest minds have their limits, and those limits are frustrating. So called ‘study drugs’ are tempting, I think, because they offer to make us smarter. They let us work faster and focus longer. They let us consume more and produce more. They are sold, in the circumstances of study and creative work, on a simple promise: if you take this drug, you will be better. It’s an undeniably tempting offer, and one which many figures have accepted in the past, turning to a variety of less developed and largely non-prescription stimulants to assist their work. Late in life, the philosopher and writer Jean-Paul Sartre used amphetamines to maintain a merciless writing schedule. Jack Kerouac did the same. In the academic world, mathematician Paul Erdõs used amphetamines habitually for over 20 years. British Prime Minister Anthony Eden, as he himself put it, “lived on Benzedrine” during the Suez Crisis; President John F. Kennedy was reported as having used speed during a number of crises. But these famous cases also highlight the downsides: Kennedy botched the Bay of Pigs; Eden was ranked by the BBC as one of the least successful Prime Ministers of the 20th Century. Sartre, perhaps most notoriously, became paranoid that he was being followed by a giant lobster as a result of his drug use. And it’s true: these ‘study drugs’ have palpable risks. While physical dependence on the modern prescription drugs is less likely than ‘old-school’ amphetamines, psychological dependence is a serious risk. Once you start to habitually take study drugs when studying, the temptation is to take it every time. “I can’t imagine revision without Ritalin,” was how an Adelaide student put it. The writing experience I had on Modafinil was one of the best I’ve ever had. The actual writing wasn’t

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my best, but the experience of effortless concentration was up there. The idea that I could just take a pill and be productive is dangerously alluring. It’s also dangerously likely that I’ll think that I’m incapable of writing or studying at that level without chemical assistance. The fact is, I’ve had far better days in my life that were entirely natural. But that’s an easy thing to forget. It’s easy to convince yourself that you suffer from an inefficiency of mind, curable by consumption. The drug is attractive, and fraught with psychological dependence, because it’s a guarantee. As one student said, “I don’t take it often, but I need to keep a few in the cupboard. It’s a comfort thing.” Now I don’t know about you, but to me, that seems like a perilous mindset. There’s also a strong argument to be made about managing your own mind. For most students, I doubt problems like procrastination are actually a neurochemical thing. For me, it’s probably a behavioural problem: I’ve got fucking ghastly habits. I start the day with Facebook and then maybe, just maybe, I get to studying later. Of one thing, I am sure: studying first is a better plan. But it’s a hard habit to break. It’s difficult to tell how many student users are just avoiding a deeper problem. Learning to break bad habits — to manage your own mind and your own productivity — seems, to me, to be a more sustainable, rational solution. But the biggest downside to using study drugs should, I think, be the most obvious: you’re taking a drug you don’t need. As a rule, I think unnecessary drug-taking is probably a bad idea. And it seems downright reckless when the drug is designed to specifically target your brain. These are serious prescription drugs, and they’re not without their side effects and risks. Quite apart from these downsides of use, study drugs raise some serious ethical questions. We hear a lot about the use of performance enhancers in sport: drugs which push athletes to perform better than they naturally could. When it comes down to it, what’s the difference? Sure, one’s physical performance and the other is mental, but they’re both boosting performance in unnatural ways. When it comes to drugs in sport, most people view it as cheating. Few people condone non-medical steroid use, because they give athletes willing to use them

an unfair advantage. The same could be said of study drugs for students. Ethically, there’s also the issue of social acceptance. According to some commentators, society currently has far higher than reasonable levels of diagnosed ADHD, which has led to the unnecessary medicating of children. Essentially, commentators argue that parents now feel a pressure to medicate their children in order to suppress misbehaviour despite the fact that almost all children misbehave. From the students I’ve spoken to, there’s no widespread pressure to take study drugs. But what if there were? I don’t think I like the idea of a future where ‘going to uni’ is synonymous with the needless, illegal consumption of prescription drugs... especially when it’s not for fun! The use of study drugs is, I think, fundamentally different to what most people would think of as ‘drug use’. I’ve spoken to a number of users overseas, and even more here at Adelaide Uni. Honestly, I think they’d strike most people more as ‘nerds’ than ‘druggies’. Most of these users aren’t getting drunk or high on the weekends; they’re staying home and studying. They don’t consider taking ‘study drugs’ on par with ‘getting high’. They think of it as work; as a serious, illegal form of coffee. It’s a tool, not a toy. Is that a healthy approach to drug-taking? I don’t know. I doubt it. But personally, I think it’s a kind of drug use that’s here to stay. As drug design becomes more and more refined, and science’s knowledge of neurobiology increases, I think the use of ‘study drugs’ and ‘cognitive enhancers’ will probably become more widespread. According to Professor Chatterjee from the University of Pennsylvania, we are approaching an age where people will use targeted drugs to make their minds ‘better’; an age of “cosmetic neurology.” He’s smarter than me, and he’s got real qualifications so I think he’s probably right. O ***

P.S. In case you’re wondering: no. I don’t think I would use Modafinil (or any study drug) again — for writing or revision. It was a great day, and I won a game of chess, but it’s illegal and unsafe. And as Rod Serling said, “If you need drugs to be a good writer, you’re not a good writer.”

Volume 79, Issue 5

On Dit visits the

Psychic Expo Words: Rory Kennett-Lister While driving along Hackney Road, my eye was caught by a simple, two-tone poster, strung-up with zip ties on a grey streetlamp. Its black font asserted itself boldly on the yellow background — “PSYCHIC EXPO – 1 May 2011, Entertainment Centre”. Now, I am not a spiritual person. I am not a believer. On the ‘faith’ scale, 10 being completely unquestioning, 1 being lip-curlingly cynical, I would range somewhere between 2 and 4. On seeing the sign, my immediate thought was to ask why whoever had organised such an event needed one at all; wouldn’t everyone interested in that kind of thing already know? Wouldn’t those familiar with ‘other realms’ receive some kind of signal causing them all to manifest from nowhere like a plague of cicadas? Then I thought that perhaps I was being a little closed-minded. Maybe the expo was for the benefit of people like me — the eyebrow-raisers, the scoffers, the snorters. Maybe I would go and be amazed. I noticed a certain hypocrisy in my outlook — though a steadfast believer in the value of analysis, justification and conclusion, I’d never actually experienced any of the stuff I unhesitatingly roll my eyes at. In a way, my disbelief was based not on empirical analysis, but in faith. So, in the spirit of self-improvement, I decided to investigate. My friend, Ramon, had agreed the night before, in a state perilously close to drunken stupor, to brave the unknown with me. So we found ourselves marching across the cold concrete of the Entertainment Centre, mildly hungover and increasingly nervous, aware that we were simultaneously crossing some boundary, passing over. In a clash too subtly amusing to be intentional, also showing at the Centre was Walking With Dinosaurs, entertainment made possible by the deliberate, plodding hand of science. I briefly considered running in, commandeering a fossil before running into the expo, holding it high and proclaiming “We win!

We’ve got proof!” But then I remembered that psychics are not necessarily creationists, and that I should keep an open mind and stop being such a dick. We approached the doors and were met by the smiling face of a 30-something woman, who informed us in a matter-of-fact way, that admission was $8, or $5 concession. I asked for the latter, and inquired whether she would like to see my student card. She smiled again and told me not to worry. As Ramon trawled through his wallet to scrounge together the $8 full fee, I began to wonder — did she already know that I was a student? Had she some highly developed intuition, some…psychic power? As we walked through the doors I caught sight of myself in the sliding glass — unshowered, unshaven, bleary-eyed — and realised I was essentially a walking cliché, and she probably didn’t have to work very hard to figure me out. We stepped into the room. Instantly I felt a change threatening to take over my face, threatening to show me as the sceptic I am; I found it difficult to keep the scorn from transforming me, Hyde-like, into some grotesque, sneering beast. But I shuffled in further and managed to keep it together. Now, the word ‘expo’, for me, conjures up images of flashing lights, brightly adorned stalls, whitetoothed salespeople smiling solicitously. Though, given the subject matter of the expo, I was willing to make a few concessions, the setup left me baulking at its necessitous, paltry minimalism. Every tabletop in the depressingly small function room was covered in moss green brushed satinette. Foldout chairs were strewn — evidently by some underprepared and overcooked organiser — haphazardly at one end of the rectangular room, hinting at some kind of ‘lecture space’. The various wares peddled by people manning the stalls did little to assuage my growing sense of humourous despair. Tables

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Volume 79, Issue 5

were littered with polished gemstones, dream catchers, meditation wands (which, to my mind, looked like some kind of feathered, new-age dildo), books with titles like The Truth About Witchcraft Today and Vampyres in their Own Words and innumerable other tools for ‘connecting with the other side’. Ramon and I took stock of the offerings. After completing a lap around the expo — a task that took us less than a minute — and being unprepared to shell out vast sums of money for unnameable precious stones, we slumped into chairs in the ‘lecture space’, joining about 20 people looking attentively at a woman speaking softly in front of them. Up to this point everything I’ve made a snide remark about can essentially be traced back to my overall distrust of ‘psychic’ things, rather than any demonstrable defect in such things themselves (maybe). But as I tuned in to the babblings of “Boundless Spirit” Sarah in front of me, every new age cliché I’ve ever conceived of was actualised in flesh and blood. Admittedly, we sat down a few minutes into her ‘lecture’ and might have resultantly lost a bit of context, but she started off mumbling softly what sounded like the semi-coherent ramblings of a person midway through an acid trip. She cooed about wearing clothes that feel nice and eating fruit that tastes amazing before veering off track like someone asleep at the wheel, informing everyone that she has personally “explored the realm of the angels”. She then told us that these angels — I’m not sure which ones, specifically; she was a bit hazy on details — “brought me so much love”. In the next breath, to my bemusement, she advised everyone that all love is actually inside her, and is inside every other person for himself or herself to discover. Perhaps taking issue with the logic of such a person is a bit like barrel fishing with a twelve-gauge, but I was struggling to grasp how the angels brought her love that was already within her (unless, blasphemously, the angels were inside of her). But I didn’t stick around to find out. Ramon and I kept our heads down and hotfooted away, back into the sparse ‘crowd’ circulating the rest of the room. I thought seriously about cutting my losses and continuing out the door. But I didn’t. I’d paid $5 for a psychic expo — something I’m not likely to do again — and I figured I should make it worth my while. Unfortunately, due to a combination of a mild hangover, the pungent waft of incense and some perverse reaction against my cynical and tight-arsed side, I decided, rather questionably, that the best way to make it ‘worth my while’ was to shell out an extra $30 on a ‘guided Tarot reading’. At this point I should divulge some important information; I’m actually interested in Tarot. In fact, I’m even thinking of incorporating them into my honours thesis. But before you write me (read me?) off as some conflicted, illogical basket case, let me be specific. I don’t believe that the pieces of card that make up the pack are somehow imbued with mystical powers that 36

foretell the future. I do, however, think that they can be an interesting way of plumbing the subconscious, and I like their inherent flexibility as portentous signifiers. I sat down in front of Deborah, a sixtyish redheaded woman decked out in shimmery green satin, hoping that she shared my views. I’d accidently eavesdropped on her previous reading in which she counselled an obese woman about the role of weight gain as a defence tactic and as a result, thought that perhaps, she identified more with psychology than being a psychic. I became clear as she asked for my keys, that it wasn’t to be the case; “I need something of yours to connect you with the other side,” she explained. She closed her eyes and lifted her head slightly. I could see her eyes twitching under her eyelids. I craned my head, hoping to tune in on whatever she was hearing. But it was to no avail. What I missed, it turns out, was my grandmother, who died before I was born, telling me through Deborah, that it’s ok to fail, sometimes. (Thanks Gran. Next time I cock something up I’ll smooth it over by explaining, “My dead Grandmother said it was ok.”) Things stayed pretty John Edwards from then on. At one point she sensed that there was a very logical man in life, someone I was close to. “My father,” I ventured. “Perhaps,” she replied. “But I’m getting someone who’s very good with computers. I don’t want to say nerd, but…” I thought for a moment. Then it occurred to me — it was Sam Deere, one of my On Dit co-editors. He sells Apple products, designs websites and enjoys logical argument. I told Deborah of my suspicions. She nodded gravely. She informed me that there would be a great positive development between us (sorry, Liz). Maybe, I thought, but it might be negative for our girlfriends and the democracy of the On Dit team. (Sam, I think we should take it slowly, not rush anything and just see where fate takes us, ok?) But I won’t bore you with further details of the reading, or of my scepticism. Twenty minutes elapsed and Deborah and I exchanged goodbyes. I realised that she had pretty much ignored the cards in front of her. Though she smiled, I sensed a certain coldness in her eyes. Perhaps she felt a certain disappointment in mine. Or maybe my Grandma told her. I wandered back to meet Ramon, who, despite being left alone for twenty minutes with seemingly nothing to amuse himself, was grinning broadly. As we left the expo he handed me a book. “A gift,” he said. I turned it over to read the title — A Beginners Guide to Sex in the Afterlife by David Staume. “Geez,” I thought as we drifted back towards the street, “I wonder if my Grandma has read this.” O

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...But I Haven’t Got A Stitch To Wear A few of Adelaide’s live performance options Words: Amelia Skaczkowski Looking for something to do tonight? Struggling to find anything to go and see? Running out of toilet paper? Well look no further than this page. What follows is a little rundown of Radelaide’s arty-farty scene.

Comedy: Adelaide Comedy: • A variety of comedians perform their hilarious comedy gigs. Always good for a giggle. • $15 at the door, $12 if you pay online. • Tuesday (The Marion Hotel, Mitchell Park), Wednesday (Arkaba Ha Ha, in Fullarton), Thursday (The Rhino Room, CBD) and Friday nights (The Rhino Room, CBD), all start at 8pm.

Art Gallery: Tours: • Daily free tours 11am and 2pm. • Free lunchtime talks every Tuesday, start at 12.45pm • Free AUSLAN Tours (these must be booked in advance) Exhibitions: • Ben Quilty: Inhabit (exploring a wider concept of identity through paintings). (Free) • Grand Design: Architecture’s Influence on European Decorative Arts. (Free) • o -A look at the impact of architecture on European decorative arts from the Elizabethan period. • Patricia Piccinni Once upon a time (concession admission $12) • There are also exhibitions of Japanese Art, Islamic Art and South East Asian Art.

the Festival centre Wicked • Until June 4 • Student tickets are for those aged

With comedy gigs, art exhibitions, tours, theatre productions, concerts and the upcoming Cabaret Festival, there’s sure to be something for everyone; and if you’re still not happy then you’re obviously too hard to please and should just go away.

16 years or under (it doesn’t count if you just look pre-pubescent, trust me). Adult tickets start at $69.90. • WARNING: This is a musical and while I am a fan I understand most people are not; basically I’m saying you’ll need to bring snacks, preferably ones containing pure ethanol.

Her Majesty’s Theatre (tickets through Festival Centre Website) Adelaide Kalamela • An Indian orchestra sets the pace for traditional Indian, folk and Bollywood dances. • The show is on the 28th of May, 4.30-7.30pm. Tickets start at $25 • NB: Free Indian snack pack provided after the show. Hell yes! Michael Jackson History: This is it. • This musical biography is in Adelaide on the 10th and 11th of June, starting at 8pm. Concession tickets are $64.90 Carl Barron: A One Ended Stick • A new monologue/music/standup show from, guess who, Carl Barron. The show is in Adelaide from the 23rd until the 27th of September, going for 1hr and 20mins.

Entertainment Centre Concerts/Events: This is a random selection of concerts/events. I neither promote nor endorse the following (except Disney on Ice). Kylie Minogue (18th June) Volume 79, Issue 5

Miley Cyrus (29th June) WWE World Tour (14th July) I’ve got my ticket Disney on Ice: Worlds (21-24th July) Kings

Fantasy

Leon (11th November)

K.D Lang (13th November)

Cabaret Festival (at the Festival Centre) Broadway Hootennanny: Mark Nadler • 1 hr, 10-12 June (various times), free. Olivia Newton-John • 11-12 June, 8pm, 1hr • Tickets range from $100-$195 • Olivia Newton-John performs some of her most well-known songs. Awesome. Waitressing, and Other Things I Do Well: Gillian Cosgriff • 15-16 June, 8.45pm, 1hr. Tickets range from $19.95-$50 • Hailed as the next big thing in musical comedy and the female Tim Minchin. Back to Crack: Amy Housewine • 23-25 June (various times), 1 hr, concession $21 • “WARNING: This adults-only show will feature drinking, smoking, swearing, live drug use and passing out in a pool of your own vomit.”

Leonardo Da Vinci On Dit checks out his machines Words: Codie-Nicole George If you are at all like me, then attending an exhibition in your spare time lies somewhere between 382 and 400 on your list of things to do, one being the most desirable. For me, this has always partly been due to my lack of interest in blatant extra-curricular learning, and now, having recently become the definition of a ‘struggling uni student,’ it’s also partly due to requiring the fifteen dollar entry fee for laundry money and bus tickets. But after being browbeaten into it, I agreed to review the Da Vinci Machines Exhibition currently taking place at the Adelaide Wayville Showground. So, after frantically ‘Googling’ Leonardo Da Vinci only to find he was not in fact the lead actor in Titanic, but a Renaissance man who invented a couple of important things, off I went, closed-minded and saturated in dread. Expecting to be bored back into the fifteenth century, I was pleasantly surprised — overwhelmed even. What lay before me was not just a time-line of Da Vinci’s life, but an interactive, engaging history of everybody’s. As I overheard one child exclaim to his father, ‘He invented basically everything!’ So, as it turns out, this Leonardo guy invented not just ‘a couple of things,’ but over 60 machines, all crafted specifically to his designs and now displayed within this exhibition. Da Vinci (1452-1519), however, was not just an inventor, but an all round genius. Think Einstein. Perhaps even this comparison doesn’t do him justice. For now, let’s describe him as the personification of innovative. His inventions alone are enough to provoke jaw-drops all over the world, but his truly astonishing trait was the ‘proficiency he achieved in such a diverse range of specialized areas.’ When Da Vinci wasn’t off 38

inventing various contraptions, he was secretly cutting open human bodies to better understand the anatomical workings of humans, and when he wasn’t being accused of sacrilegious behaviour due to the latter studies, Da Vinci could be found with his paintbrush in hand crafting pieces such as the Mona Lisa (now arguably the most celebrated oil painting in existence). Clearly, Da Vinci had a curiosity for life, one which he worked relentlessly hard to satisfy, and one which future (including our) generations should be very thankful for. If you are not just wowed by the brilliance in Da Vinci’s machinery, you will be wowed by the mind-blowing amount; for Da Vinci it was very much quality and quantity. It was amazing to see how many of today’s inventions were hinted at in Da Vinci’s work. You know the cars on the road everybody drives to avoid exertion and inconvenience? The plans for the first self-moving car were found within Da Vinci’s ‘codices.’ You know the bicycles you ride for leisure, exercise or competition? That was all him, the structure of his bicycle in fact being extremely alike the one’s we ride today. Even the mirrors in the fitting-rooms of your favourite shop — Da Vinci, fascinated by optics, invented a chamber of mirrors where you could see yourself from every angle. Amongst this prodigious man’s collection could also be found the plans for many aircraft and ways of flying, along with a whole room at the exhibition dedicated to his war machines. Da Vinci became enraptured with ways to infiltrate enemy lines and as a result, also turned his mind to tanks, portable bridges and sea travel. Despite this, being a humanitarian Da Vinci was very much against war, and kept the majority of these inventions

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hidden. In the life and times of Da Vinci, it was thought unseemly for anyone to desecrate a human body, and studies of the insides of deceased mammals were only conducted on animals. Da Vinci, however, a man who was constantly pushing the boundaries, was the first person to ever study the inside of a human body . Studying from the skull down the spine, to the tippy toes and fingertips, in 1510 it was Da Vinci’s main aim to ‘produce an atlas of the body’ for both genders in every stage of life from infancy through to elderly. Over Da Vinci’s 28 year anatomical career he managed to make comprehensive sketches of the human body. Once again, his aptitude for anything he set his mind to, and his sheer accuracy is showcased by the fact that these sketches are still of use to doctors in today’s society. Given Da Vinci’s prodigious skill when it came to inventions and physiology, the talent he possessed when he put paint brush to paper is hardly fair (especially some of us find it hard to hone a capacity for anything in life). Even though I know you know it already, I must point out that it was also Leonardo Da Vinci who was responsible for the masterpiece ‘Mona Lisa Smile’. It’s one of the discussed pieces of art work in history — it’s one even I had heard about. I had seen many movies where theft of the painting had played a part in the plot, but I had never made the connection between Da Vinci the inventor and Da Vinci the painter. One of the fascinating aspects of this painting is the movement captured by Da Vinci within the subjects face; once again tying in Da Vinci’s encompassing fascination with motion. A copy of

the ‘Mona Lisa’ can be viewed at the exhibition, along with other well-known oil paintings by Da Vinci such as ‘The Last Supper.’ From machines, to physiology and art, Da Vinci it seems, very much hit the trifector. When I was six years old I was told by my teacher that Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. I remember this occasion with such clarity because I was so completely taken aback. I couldn’t fathom that a human being could possibly think up such an idea, and could physically put together something that had a function no one else before had succeeded in doing. Being at this exhibition, I felt a similar sensation. Overwhelming and all-consuming, looking around at all of the children, I could see on their faces the look I knew that was on mine. Da Vinci was not just an inventor, nor a genius, or an innovator; he was an inspiration. Going to the Da Vinci Machines Exhibition, for anyone, of any age, inspires you to learn. It inspires you to appreciate all of the movement, machines, knowledge and unanswered questions floating around society. Coming from a former skeptic, I hope that you will give this exhibition a chance, and I hope that reading this has moved attending an exhibition from 400 to somewhere around 4 on your list of things to do, where it rightfully deserves to be. O

The Da Vinci Machines are housed in the Goyder Pavilion Mezzanine (Above the Goyder Pavilion) at the Adelaide Events and Exhibition Centre, Adelaide Showgrounds, Wayville. The exhibition runs until June 16

Volume 79, Issue 5

Local Band Bio

Steering By Stars Words: Seb Tonkin

My first taste of Steering By Stars was in 2009, and it sort of blew my first-year mind. I hadn’t had much experience with local music previously, and had presumed (as many unfortunately do) that Adelaide was culturally bereft for young adults like myself. Enter Steering By Stars. Somewhere between the prettiness of Sigur Rôs and the ‘SCREEEEE’ of Sonic Youth, it was the type of music you might download from bands in New York, or Iceland, or Canada. To see it being made right there, in Adelaide, by people I’d even seen around campus, was a bit of a revelation (and evidently I’ve kinda run with it). Since then, it turned out that Steering were just one of many Adelaide bands making worthwhile music (some of which have been featured in these very pages). But, as they say, you never really forget your first. Their 2010 album, Cables, begins with the sound of a record finishing — that looping crackle of the final groove going around and around. It’s fitting. Even if you’re listening to the MP3s (the band ditched CDs, releasing the album only on vinyl and online), it’s a reminder of how they’d like you to approach their work. Not as separate singles, but as a cohesive whole, paused only to flip the record. That attitude is also reflected live, in sets where the gaps between songs aren’t always clear and where you aren’t really expected to clap until the very end. Combine that holistic approach with their more-than-two-words band name, clutter of effects pedals, and laundry list of post-rocky influences and you get a potentially dangerous picture. Thankfully, Steering By Stars don’t fall into traps of detachment, boredom, or pretension. Their material, though ambitious, is choc-a-block with good ideas, and none of them outstay their welcomes. Cables is accessible and exciting, full of dynamic shifts, dark brooding, 40

and human tenderness. Take, for example, the way the opening barrage of ‘Closer’ disappears without warning, leaving gentle hums, piano chords, the clearest singing on the record — and eventually builds right back up again (it’s also the most professional-looking music video I’ve seen from a local band — check it out on www.ondit.com.au). There’s a sense of restraint — ‘Gloom’ is wisely left as a naked solo piano piece, and Steering are content to let the music-box xylophone of ‘Blush Response’ go without an explosive climax. The album’s great, but, like most groups, Steering By Stars really shine when seen up close in their fleshy prisons. Live, they’re a powerhouse. Keyboardist-vocalist Lachlan’s singing is processed through enough effects pedals that it becomes a swirling maelstrom of echoey noise that’s unlike much I’ve heard before. Overall, the dynamics of the recordings are there, but bigger. It’s also worth nothing that the songs that make up Cables are around two years old now, and Steering have been playing newer material since before the album was released. Some of those new songs are hookier, some heavier, some more abstract, some more vocal-focused than what’s come before. It shows that they aren’t afraid of extending themselves further, which can only be a good thing. Having played some shows interstate last year, they’ll be heading into the studio shortly to lay down Album No. 2 (title hopefully subject to change). Unfortunately, until then, when you hear that looping hiss-pop after the last song on Cables, it really is the end of the record. O

Recommended if you like: Sigur Rós, Doe, A Place To Bury Strangers, Deerhunter, or My Bloody Valentine.

On Dit Magazine

Square Meals Words: George Stamatescu / Unexplained

absence:

Gemma Beale

BBQ city was one of Nick Xenophon’s favourite restaurants before he went to Canberra

Like every student I enjoy a good, cheap meal, and when you’ve got a swiss cheese timetable, it’s nice to dine with some classmates — something relaxed. At first it’s all going well, you’re just walking off the campus. But then you can’t decide where to go. They want to go to David Jones Food Court or get some KFC. You suggest Southern Cross Food Court or Swinging Bowl, but they seem too far away and not worth the risk. You begin to lose the argument and you’re stressed, when you shouldn’t be, and now you’re sweating. No? Well, it can happen. That’s why I started this column with Gemma — so that your ideas aren’t branded outlandish, and you can enjoy a stress free lunch. Of course, I didn’t factor in deadlines. Seems I have to come up with some restaurant and shitty review for you bozos, so now I’m stressed. And what do I do when I’m stressed? I go to Chinatown. This week I decided to go back to a couple of my favourites (I have many favourites). First up, ‘Fresh’ is a Vietnamese restaurant open from about 11, and best during the day. It’s located on California Street North

(the side street with Hong Fat and the TAB on Grote Street). Pho or curry — that’s all you’ll get. Maybe juice, but for beverages, just go across the alley to the Asian supermarket. The beef noodle soup (pho) can be purchased from in one of three sizes, from $7.50 to $9, and comes with fresh lemon, coriander and bean sprouts. The large is pretty large. If you’re into a changing taste sensation, add in a bit of chilli and hoi sin sauce (the stuff you dip your cold rolls in, with no peanuts). The chicken curry is pretty reasonable — the carrots are so good — and only $7.50. Do try it. The other restaurant I often find myself daydreaming about is BBQ City. Mostly because of the salt and pepper squid ($8). The soups are good — see the hot and sour — but pretty small, especially when compared to somewhere like Hong Fat. But it’s the meals where BBQ city shines, there’s plenty there for a lonely man (or woman) with too much time, and if it’s not a busy Friday or Saturday, you can sit there and watch Chinese news until close, occasionally ordering some more fried ice-cream. O

Volume 79, Issue 5

Now We’re

Cooking With Garf Words: Garf Chan

Bibimbap {비빔밥} This dish

is similar to salad, but with warm rice.

In Korean, Bibimpbap means ‘a mixed dish’. Bi Bim is a verb and means ‘to stir’. So instead of fried rice where you fry everything together in a big pan, you will need some time to prepare these ingredients in advance, then mix them all together. In many Korean restaurants, dolsot bibimbap is often available. Dolsot means ‘stone pot’. So instead of the ingredients being served in a big bowl, you can have the dish served in a hot sizzling stone pot. Instead of sesame oil drizzled on top of a half-cooked egg like in a home-style bibimbap, the bottom of the stone bowl is coated with sesame oil for making a layer of rice crisps, and a raw egg is used instead of a half-cooked egg as the stone pot will sizzle for a while and cook the yolk into the ingredients. Sounds nice, hey? But why would any of us buy a stone pot when all we can afford are the cheapest frying pans we can find in IKEA? (Or maybe that’s just me…) Anyway! This recipe looks a bit long, but if you read it through, you will notice that you are just repeating similar steps for all the ingredients.

Ingredients • 1 serve of cooked rice. (To be honest, if you are accustomed to using Jasmine rice, fine. But personally I’d prefer medium grain. It’s chewier and retains more moisture when cooked.) • Half a carrot, sliced into thin strips. • Half a zucchini. Cut the zucchini into quarters and slice thinly. • A good handful of mushrooms. (Button or Turkish would be fine.) • A quarter of an onion, thinly sliced. • A handful of spinach. • A handful of beansprouts. • 1 egg. • A few thin strips of beef. (This is optional as this dish can be served vegetarian.) Seasoning • soy sauce • sesame oil (A Korean one if possible- it’s called ottogi 42

• • • •

sesame oil. It tastes a lot milder than regular sesame oil) sugar salt sesame seeds Gochujang (a red chilli paste available at Korean supermarkets in Chinatown. You don’t necessarily need this, but I do recommend you give this a try.)

Utensils • • • • • • • • •

frying pan kettle sieve 1 big bowl 2 small bowls big plate chopping board knife whatever you like best for stirring things

On Dit Magazine

Steps First thing’s first- cook the rice! If you have a rice cooker, great! If you don’t, I recommend you soak the rice overnight before you cook it. This will save you a lot of time boiling or steaming it. Now make sure you’ve chopped everything up! Carrot? Zucchini? Mushroom? Onion? Gently rinse spinach and beansprouts, then set aside in 2 small bowls.

Mushrooms: Repeat steps used for carrot again. Just one thing, drizzle a little bit of soy sauce when they look cooked to allow the mushroom to be moist. Remove onto plate. Turn the kettle on. Onion: As you boil hot water, stir-fry the onion like you did with the carrot until soft. If you intend to add beef, toss in a bit of beef when the onion strips are sweating. Drizzle some sesame oil, soy sauce and more sugar. Remove onto plate. Spinach: Sprinkle with salt. Pour hot water over it. Leave it for 5 seconds. Drain it through a sieve, then squeeze out all excess water. In hot pan, add sesame oil, sugar and a bit of salt. Stir-fry the spinach, then set aside onto the big plate.

Carrot: Have frying pan on medium heat. Drizzle a tiny bit of sesame oil. Stir-fry the carrot. Add a bit of salt and sugar. Place lid on to allow the carrot to soften a bit, then place on a big dish. (By the way, you don’t have to wash the frying pan between stir-frying the ingredients.) Zucchini: Have frying pan on high heat. Repeat steps used for carrot for zucchini. Once looking soft, place on plate.

Egg: You know how to make a sunny-side-up egg, don’t you? Yuh. Make one. Then leave it in the pan. Final step: Grab the big bowl. Place a serve of rice in the bowl, add all the ingredients to it. You can do this easily by sliding everything off from the plate into the bowl in one. Place the egg on top. Drizzle with sesame oil. Sprinkle some sesame seeds on top, and then add a tablespoon of Gochujang. Now stir everything up into a mess and eat it!

P.S. If you are brave, add another BIG tablespoon of Gochujang like many Koreans do.

Bean sprouts: Repeat steps used for spinach,except you can also add a bit of chilli powder or Gochujang for colour and taste. Volume 79, Issue 5

C O L U M N S

Columns

C O L U M N S

Driven Mad Words: Michelle Bagster I’m hyper-competitive. It’s not a lifestyle choice. If I may quote Lady GaGa (groan, spare us), I was born this way. Maybe it’s part of being a first child; my sister is quite comfortable with not needing to win at absolutely everything she attempts (possibly the main reason our relationship works) and as a result her stress levels are probably much lower than mine. All I know is that I manage to twist all the simple things I do into a competition of one form or another. I treat the green man at the traffic lights as a rival, daring me to get to the other side before he turns red and starts flashing, and bus journeys are a challenge from the other passengers to be the last one still standing up. Those wusses are too keen to sit down. While I stand defiantly under their confused glances, all I say to myself is “what losers.” I realised it was a problem when ordinary conversations started turning into combat; “You think you get up early for this lecture? What time? I SAID WHAT TIME BUSTER?” So in the spirit of rehabilitation, I have decided to admit one of my big failures; I can’t drive. Being behind the wheel of a car is just not the place for a Homo-Novus like myself. I just completely freak out. While I put on

a confident face (one which I swear I don’t practice in front of the mirror), I constantly dread that the guy next to me might randomly decide to attack me from the side, or that the engine might just explode of its own accord, leaving a massive crater in the middle of the road, with nothing but a charred dangly Elvis doll in the middle to suggest that there was ever a car there. Of course, none of these things can happen when I’m just a passenger. The rest of the world seems to agree that I shouldn’t be on the road, because I just failed the Vehicle On Road Test, or VORTOMFG for short. My first thought when this happened wasn’t “Dang, I could have bought 20 decent city lunches with the cost of that test.” It wasn’t even “That was a waste of my Saturday morning.” Sadly, I have to admit that my first thought was “Oh, no… if my sister passes her test first try I won’t be able to live with myself.” I can’t be the only one; surely there are others out there who don’t let that five year old kid they babysit win at Monopoly, or have a bowl of cereal even when they’re not hungry, just so that they can be the first one to open the packet. I’d like to appeal to these kindred, hypercompetitive spirits. You are not alone! So please, let us band together for a highly relevant cause: to get rid of all cars everywhere. We can replace them with donkeys, which are far less likely to explode of their own accord, and don’t have rear-view mirrors that people can hang dangly Elvis dolls from.

On Dit Magazine

Barbarian Hoards Words: Emma Jones My housemate and I have this cupboard that’s full of green bags. We are not environmentalists. We do not want to save the world one plastic bag at a time. We are lazy and we never take our green bags to the shops. So we have like 4000. It’s pretty lame. That’s a shit analogy, but what I’m getting at is this: approximately 89% of everything I own is superfluous. I own books I won’t read, DVDs I won’t watch, clothes I won’t wear and kitchen utensils I don’t even know the function of (seriously is that thing even for kitchen use? It looks like a torture device/sex toy/both). I even own a Nintendo DS. When am I ever going to play with a Nintendo DS? I think my labradoodle on Dogz has probably died by now. RIP, Marshmallow. So anyway, I’m pretty sure we all have cupboards/sheds/ lives full of useless crap that we don’t need but can’t bear to throw away for various reasons. Because compiling handy lists is one of my favourite things to do, I’ve compiled a handy list of commonly hoarded crap and what you should do with it. Radical! Gig admission Ticket stubs blu-tacked to your bedroom wall make you look like a concert connoisseur and are a wonderful conversation starter, as in: “oh you went to Justin Bieber last week? So did I! BIEBS 4 LYF”. This is a transparent device. Also people need to realise that still wearing a Parklife/Laneway/whatever wristband a month after the festival doesn’t make you look cool. It makes you look lame and like you haven’t showered since the event. Redundancy rating: 4/5 Action: Throw it away. The day after the gig. Unless it is a Justin Bieber ticket, in which case, sign it with a fake signature and sell it on eBay for $100000000000. Primary school journals I recently uncovered one of these and found a creative piece I wrote aged 5, with the opening sentence: “one day I was walking in the forest when all of a sudden, I found I was walking in the bush”. You just don’t get quality literature like that anymore. Redundancy rating: 1/5 Action: Keep it. You were cute once. Besides, your parents would probably kill you for chucking it out.

Year 12 jumpers Mine says “MOIN 2005”. What does yours say? Probably some equally inexplicable high school nickname and your graduation year, followed by a list of all the people you graduated with and will never see again except at periodical reunions for which you will procure a fake husband and pretend you invented Post-its so that you can make them jealous because their parents let them get the “Rachel” for the high school formal and your hair looked like shit and you never got over it. But on the plus side, it will forever remind you of bleary-eyed assemblies and navigating public transport with a cello case. Or is that just me? Redundancy rating: 2/5 Action: Keep it. Appropriate for wearing whilst painting house/on fire. Floppy disks Do you still need a copy of your Year 11 SOCE essay? Can you actually remember what SOCE stands for? Does your MacBook Pro even have a floppy disk receptacle? Redundancy rating: 5/5 Action: If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, you are in the wrong decade. Throw out your floppy disks and get with the times. Naughty photos of your ex Yes, I know you need to keep them for “personal reasons”, but this is the kind of thing that can come back to bite you in your bare, photogenic ass. Redundancy rating: 3/5 Action: Use blackmail. This is the only option. Do not delete your ammunition until you are certain that your ex has deleted theirs. Empty booze bottles Does a collection of empty Jagermeister and Smirnoff bottles on top of the kitchen cupboard make you look like a party animal, or an idiot? Does a pile of empty beer bottles by the laundry door make you look awesome, or disgusting? I’m going with the latter. Redundancy rating: 4/5 Action: You can get 10 cents apiece for those, folks. Do the math.

Volume 79, Issue 5

Diversions Mr Squiggleâ&#x201E;˘ Complete the sketch below. Submit yours at www.ondit.com.au/squiggle â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the best one will win two tickets to Palace Nova Eastend Cinemas!

On Dit Magazine

Diversions Answers on page 5

AWKWORD

Crypt-o-Clues

“Clammy”

What it means: Unpleasantly damp and sticky to the touch.

What it sounds like it means: The touch of an anxious, greasy-haired, shifty-eyed deviant as he solicits for sexual favours from beneath the gaze of an unsmiling Amazonian woman dressed in zipped leather. Reason: [Unknown] Much analysis has been given to the reason for clammy’s status as an awkword, but with no satisfying results. The most recognised explanation is that the word’s visual and auditory resemblance to ‘clam’ — one of the least attractive of all sea-dwelling creatures — creates a neural pathway that associates the word, however obtusely, with ugliness and distress.

Triviarama 1.

What NBA team does Australian Patty Mills play for? 2. Henry VIII had how many wives? 3. In Greek Mythology, who was king of the gods? 4. What is the specific name for a male goose? 5. What does verisimilitude mean? 6. Which famous Australian composer lies in West Terrace Cemetery? 7. Novelist Mary Ann Evans was known better by what name? 8. True or false: the saxophone is a woodwind instrument. 9. What is the capital of Maryland? 10. Who is the main human character in the TV series Pokémon?

3. 4. 5. 6.

Lesser Navy personnel are planting these seeds everywhere. (5) This long beam — should I send it or use it as support? (4) Where should I throw this broken nib? (3) I smoke it tirelessly but it keeps growing back! (4) Use that man to sing to God. (4) That’s a weird purple. It’s nearly savage (6)

Targedoku

Find as many words as you can using the letters on the Sudoku grid (including a 9 letter word). Words must be four letters or more and include the highlighted letter. Use the letters to solve the Sudoku (normal Sudoku rules apply)

N G

O S

I I

R O

N I

Volume 79, Issue 5

R A

E I

State Of The Union Words of wisdom from your benevolent union president Words: Raff Piccolo

The semester is nearly over, and doesn’t time fly when you are having fun?...or when you’re stressed to the max with uni, work, family and friends all making demands of you at the same time. If the case is the latter for you, do not feel that you are on your own, and that there is no support available for you. If things are really stressing you out, it’s time to let somebody know. Don’t risk burning out before the break comes, compromising your ability to finish your final assignment and/or performance during exams. There is support available here on campus to help you look after yourself. The University offers confidential counselling, workshops and crisis and trauma intervention in the Horace Lamb Building. All these services are free to students. Additionally our Education & Welfare Officers (EWOs) can help you with financial assistance, including emergency loans, advice and advocacy, counselling (academic, personal and financial), taxation advice, Centrelink and legal advice. They are located just off the Cloisters and again these services are free the students. Do not feel embarrassed or intimidated to ask for help. Your welfare is important to us! If you were expected to simply come to university and not experience any problems, then these services would not be provided. However like anything else in life, we cannot control all that affects us. In other news the Review of Undergraduate Programs is currently drawing to a close with the final recommendations being discussed as we speak. When implemented they should bring a level of uniformity across the range of programs offered. This should allow for students to undertake electives without hassle and make for a better response to student demands. However this will not do away with the unique circumstances that have to be taken into account so as to conform to professional accreditation standards.

For those of you who haven’t heard, the University is now seeking Fair Trade accreditation. ‘What does that mean?’, you may ask. It means that the University is seeking to take proactive action to redress the economic inequalities that exist in our world. You too can take a proactive role in alleviating poverty by purchasing fair trade products, or better yet, getting in involved with the fair trade collective (fairtrade.au@gmail.com). Finally the inconvenience caused by the building site right in the heart of the university is coming to an end (soonish). The Learning Hub will offer students computers (short and long term), shared and private study space, food outlets and a convenience store. It will be a space to hang out, meet up or retrieve information on many student services. I, and many other students have been involved with the project from the beginning, and continue to be. If you want to leave you mark, or have a say, go to: http://www.adelaide.edu.au/learning_hub/. Remember, it’s your space! O

Need to get in touch with Raff? w: auu.org.au e: auupresident@auu.org.au f: facebook.com/raff.piccolo

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Contribute To ys e sa , I’v a n g ry m utin to t !” a er trib age ice m n r w ca co ou g, t f e c f O inc the atin “S d d d ha ee sp

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