Is There Another Way?

Bear with me over this ‘hot take’ but social media is awful.

I won’t pretend I’m free of hypocrisy. I spend my fair share of hours scrolling, comparing and despairing, mindlessly liking, sharing, and reposting. And I don’t care for people who do a big ‘That’s it! I quit social media!’ only to be back in the hole with me by the end of the month. Not to say I don’t support it if you need a break or truly no longer wish to be involved in social media.. But if you must write a whole post and make a scene, all I think is ‘well they just want attention’. How many likes did it get? Did that one person you wanted to notice say ‘aw, no! How will I function without our chats?’ or ‘I’m gonna miss your content!’?

We’re all in this. We’ve all been cringey and needy. Posted something we want one person to see. Asked for help just to see who will lift a hand. But that’s the tendril that social media laces round your leg. A constant tugging that slides that phone into your hand and says, ‘you need to see this, say that, and feel this’. I swear it’s a beast that looms behind me when my partner asks me to put my phone down or pay full attention. It’s a puppeteer that guides my fingers and eyes. And I am so sick of not being myself. I’m sick of being Bubbly, Goofy Annie to one group and Sophisticated, Serious Annabel in another. Because I truly don’t believe I am either nor do I feel the facade is all that convincing yet I am urged by the lingering hand of Messenger and Instagram to act according to the person I talk to. I am not a ‘Yaaaaas, queen!’ person yet to some friends that is how I talk. I am not a ‘Who gives a shit about your feelings, trash is trash, leave him!’ person but I am obligated to say this at the slightest mention of a friend's partner. I don’t dislike him. And the fact he makes her happy makes me happy. But short clickbait clips of ‘life advice’ trained me to go spiraling into overly emotive responses.

I’ve refused to get TikTok, admittedly somewhat hypocritically once again - catch me scrolling reposted TikToks on Instagram reels. But my problem with TikToks and Reels is this: they are hyper emotive. Each video begs you to feel more. It’s like every video says, ‘please laugh lots’, ‘cry with me’, ‘hate this person’, ‘let me tell you what’s wrong with you’ and worst of all ‘hate yourself so I can tell you why you shouldn’t’. I’m just so tired of feeling overrun with thoughts that aren’t my own. Let my doctor diagnose me with any disorders that actually affect me. I don’t need some influencer perverting their own diagnosis as a means to stamp everyone else with the same label. I have been properly diagnosed with autism but I feel like I can’t live without an influencer telling me my actions are not my own but rather my autism’s. I am just a person. I have quirks that are a fault of my diagnosed illnesses and functionings. But most of my actions are simply human and uniqueness intersecting. Who is a stranger to tell me to blame my mistakes on my parents or to laugh off bullying and flip it back at the attacker? I just want to live my own life, not a Frankenstein of the media I’m bombarded with.