SPEED DATING FOR THE WEIRD

speed dating for the WE I RD

When you’re weird, meeting people for the first time is much like speed dating: you know a hit or miss within the first few words. To combat this, you can try masking. Depending on how committed you are, you can a) hide behind the mask until it inevitably slips or b) drop it at the moment of best dramatic value.

I’m an example of the inevitable slip, with a sprinkle of category b) the slip usually happens at the best and worst moments. To combat this issue, I reveal my weird for all to see. Many of my conversations begin with;

“Hi! How’s it going? Did you know I can fit my whole fist in my mouth?” *Proceeds to shove whole fist in mouth*

or-

“Sorry to interrupt, but I’m a real connoisseur of smut and your conversation has caught my ear. What onomatopoeia sound do you think best describes the noises during sex? Schlop, Schlep, or Schlup? You were discussing smut, right?”

My favourite, though, is to start by saying “I’m a loser!” with all cheerfulness about the fact. The reaction is the tell of a person’s personality and tolerance. I know to stay clear of those who pull a face or deny my claim. Who are they to make me feel like a loser for being a loser? Or, by accepting my fate, have I graduated from being a loser to a winner? I’d rather be a loser.

It’s good to remember that there is more to life than winning, and that more includes me.

Words by Kanderson Sinead (pen name)