19-24 THEORY

Words by Katherine Queen

It was a foggy night and the cool breeze rushed through the city streets as Lizzy ran down the footpath towards her destination. She was 10 minutes late to dinner with her friend, after failing to find a carpark. Her hair was a mess, and she was holding her coat closed, trying not to slip on the wet ground. Lizzy knew this would happen; she hasn’t been the most punctual person as of late. Staying in bed all day, constantly scrolling through her phone, and trying to pass the time without giving into her own thoughts. She knew it wasn’t good for her, which is why she organised this dinner with Yulia. To get out somehow for her own sanity.

She came to the doorway of the restaurant and composed herself before going inside. It was quiet, a few people scattered here and there. Yulia was sitting in the corner, her hair put up in a bun, staring down at her phone. Lizzy rushed over, ‘Hello! I’m so sorry I’m late, I couldn’t find a park!’ she said, removing her coat to sit down.

Yulia looked up smiling, ‘No, it’s fine! I haven’t been waiting long. I told you this place was nice. We should get the pad Thai and dumplings!’

‘That sounds amazing! Yes! Oh, it’s so nice to see you. How are you?’

The two women started to recount the events of the past few months. They hadn’t seen each other due to the stresses of everyday life, but whenever they met, it felt like a day hadn’t passed. Yulia was finishing her master’s thesis in physics, whilst Lizzy had been exploring the trials of juggling fulltime work and studying business.

‘So, have you heard?’ Lizzy said, as she twirled a noodle in her fork, ‘Katie and Ben are getting back together.’

‘Are you serious?’ Yulia objected. ‘He’s awful to her, and she’s no better than him. The two together are so… vicious.’ She said with a grim tone. ‘Nobody can tell them what to do. Nobody can convince them it’s a bad idea. Do you remember me and Trevor years ago? We all knew it wasn’t a good idea. I knew it wasn’t a good idea. But I was too caught up in the fantasy that somehow the issues would magically go away if we tried to love each other.’

‘You cared so much about him’, Yulia said with a smile.

‘It was still an awful situation, but it changed me, like everyone else.’ She said, scoffing down another pile of noodles.

‘We all had something like that didn’t we? Bridget got kicked out of home,

Chris’ family went through that nasty divorce, and he had to play middleman for his parents. God Katie. Katie lost her mum at 21.’ Yulia said passionately. She started swirling a lone dumpling around her plate to distract herself.

‘And us.’ Lizzy glumly stated, staring down at the plate between them. ‘I mean, I’m not sure we had it that bad, but the toxic relationships we both had. And my constant depression. I wasn’t sure I’d make it to 22.’

‘I’m glad you did.’

‘Same’, she said with a chuckle.

Lizzy started to stare off to the side of them, looking at the other patrons in the restaurant.

‘It’s unfair,’ Lizzy said, staring at an older couple eating

‘Hm?’

‘We were so young.’ She turned back to look at Yulia eating the dumpling she had been playing with. ‘We were barely 20. That’s too young to go through all that. It’s unfair.’

‘Isn’t it just life?’

‘All my younger friends seem to be going through similar issues now too.’ Lizzy asserted, ‘I don’t know what to say to them! Obviously I don’t want them to make the same mistakes, but how else will they learn? They go through all this pain, trying to figure out how to live.’ She fell back into her chair and crossed her arms. ‘The drama and chaos. It just-!’ She gasped. Yulia looked at her bewildered.

Leaning forward eagerly, she looked Yulia in the eyes, ‘I have a theory. An observation!’

‘Go on.’”

‘Everyone in their early 20’s goes through these hellish experiences. They must. It changes them. It makes them who they are.’ Lizzy said with excitement and a sparkle in her eyes. ‘It’s always between the ages of 19 – 24. They go through a parental divorce, someone dying, a toxic relationship…whatever it is. Something big. They feel the weight of the world on themselves, and everything feels so uncertain! But how can it not? They know nothing else like it! The depression, the madness! But the intensity only lasts till around 24. After that, I think it feels less heavy.’ Lizzy looked off into the distance. Filled with joy in this moment, yet she seemed to drift somewhere else.

Yulia smiled at her, ‘It’s very true isn’t it? It’s probably because we’re still in this limbo. We don’t know what we’re doing, yet we think we know everything and can do anything.’

Lizzy turned to her, ‘There isn’t anything we can really do with this information is there? We realise it now, but it’s too little too late.’ She said with a smile and the two women laughed.

‘Do you think I’m right? Do you think it gets better? Do you think we’ve escaped it now? Things won’t get as bad as before?’ Lizzy asked Yulia with a hopeful tone, almost like she was trying to convince herself.

‘I don’t know. I hope so? We’ve both changed so much. Surely it won’t get that bad again.’ Yulia said reassuringly from across the table.

Lizzy’s lips quivered, showing a sense of vulnerability and doubt. She wanted to say something, but she couldn’t find the words.

‘Is everything okay? You know you can always tell me.’

Lizzy shifted her eyes down and slowly started to speak, ‘Can you tell me about black holes again? And your research?’ She said, forcing the conversation to shift away from the pain brewing in her chest.