ANU 1001: How to Have a Conversation With an ANU Student! Holly

Do you struggle to understand or fit in with the conversations of your fellow ANU students? Have you ever felt a sense of déjà vu having a conversation with someone in a tute? Do you feel like your fellow students judge your responses to their questions? Well, this is the article for you! It’s a handy guide on how to join in on the limited linguistic landscape of ANU students. You’ll be just another member of the herd in no time!

This article will follow the typical conversational pattern of first-week tutes so you have a guide for what to answer (don’t worry if it isn’t the truth — just lie!).

(1) The first question you may encounter: “What degree are you studying?” Getting the answer to this question right is crucial if you want the rest of the conversation to continue normally. To stay in the safe lane, opt for*:

• Law

• PPE

• IR

• Arts (only some majors though — see: inappropriate answers)

*NOTE: bonus points for a double degree involving two of these options.

If you want to test the boundaries of the conversation a little, choose a common, but slightly more niche answer which is still similar in some way to the above answers, for example:

• Security studies (close enough to IR)

• Commerce (PPE, I guess)

• Economics (just one-third of a PPE degree)

• Engineering (not that similar to any above but employable so we’ll let it slide)

Inappropriate answers:

• Most STEM degrees (an Arts students may be jealous of all the funding your courses get)

• Arts, majoring in:

Ȉ International Relations (just do an IR degree?)

Ȉ Mathematics (how can you be both an Arts student AND a STEM student? Pick a side.)

Ȉ Philosophy (just cop it and do PPE)

Ȉ Gender, sexuality and culture (do you want to be employed one day?)

(2) Another common question you may encounter early in the conversation is, “Where are you from?” While the answer to this question may seem straightforward (Sydney), take care to avoid common pitfalls students may run into with this response.

Common pitfalls and simple fixes:

• Saying somewhere in Sydney that isn’t the North Shore/Northern Beaches (I still don’t know what the difference is)

Ȉ Stick to “Sydney” as the general response and provide an evasive “you probably don’t know it” if pressed for further information on suburb/area

• Naming any suburb in a capital city that isn’t Sydney (who’s gonna know where this is?)

Ȉ Stick to just the name of the city

• Adelaide (is anyone from Adelaide?)

Ȉ Lie!!

• Being a townie

Ȉ Say that you can’t wait to escape Canberra after graduation and you’re only here because it’s the best uni for IR/Law/PPE

(3) The next question you may be asked (if you’ve successfully answered the first two) is the deceptively simple, “Do you live on campus?” You may think this is an easy yes/ no answer. Wrong! There is one key factor you need to consider in response to this question: what year of your degree are you in?

• If in first or second year:

Ȉ Yes! Loving life at [insert Burg, Johns, BnG, Wright or Bruce].

• If in third or fourth year:

Ȉ I was on campus for my first two years but am now living in a sharehouse with my friends in [insert inner north suburb].

• If later in degree:

Ȉ Say that you extended your degree a little by deferring for a semester to travel to [insert area of Europe].

Ȉ Say that you’re doing a double degree with law as one of the degrees

(4) A final question which may come up in your conversation is the universally dreaded, “What do you want to do once you graduate?” A suitable answer to this question follows a clear pattern:

• Step 1: state with a laugh that you have “no idea what you want to do” (even if you know exactly what you want to do)

• Step 2: “I’ll probably just apply for the APS grad programs”

• Step 3: specify which grad programs interest you most

Ȉ If aiming for a competitive program (Defence, DFAT, PMC), you must specify that you are not expecting to get it and that you have a backup department

Of course, this guide is based purely on my own observations, and I welcome you to throw off the weight of ANU expectations and #liveyourtruth. Maybe one day, if enough of us fight the system, it will be the Johns Law/PPE student from Sydney’s North Shore who will be pressured into lying in a tute conversation.

Art by Jasmin Small