Jeremy Hill
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives. Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities. While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books. This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
If Not For My Girls Jeremy Hill
My biggest objective in life is being the best father in the world that I can possibly be . . . Lyriq 11 years old, Ja’kai 8 years old are my heart and world together in one. From seeing them smile, hearing the laughter, and bringing happiness into their lives are all of my fulfillment. For both together, me and my wife.
A true change they have brought into my life . . . A change from being on a path of distraction and having a different purpose. Being involved with gangs, living in the streets, being around the wrong people, and doing the wrong things. Going back-n-forth to institutions of incarceration, living unjust and rebellious.
I didn’t actually have a thought of having kids until having kids just happened.
“But two beautiful blessings” that I thank God for each and every single day.
. ets e r st nd he n, a t n o g i tati n i u v i p e l a re m d g ha ildin f o u k e gs , b o I s p ga n n r o c ti o th e u r st th de s w i t . . . f o s e th valri ll co a p ri a a t in g l a t h t d m , b u il r v iv a e u , h t t a ng e . S u o s it h f a g r p o w u o p se rt au pa s my c B e ng a w a i g B e v iv in r su
But doing a lot of the things at so much of a young age, Momma was like, “you’re grown, you’re on your own.”
So me and my mom didn’t see eye-to-eye with the things I chose to do. I was just tryna help my household and accepted the consequences of my actions.
“Take it to the MUD!” That was the motto I lived by. Police harassment, being shot at, shooting back, County jail, prisons. Nothing hit me as hard as being a father and wanting to correct my steps.
From being on a destructive path, into walking on more of a just path.
For most of their lives of living, I’ve watched them grow up through incarceration. Visits, phone calls, pictures (I hated every moment) but love the fact that I’ve found purpose, and thank God for allowing their mother (my wife now) for keeping me involved in their life.
I was coming home from a 2nd bid of incarceration doing 4 years. I came home and found out that I had a little girl “Lyriq.” Lyriq was 2 yrs old at the time. How much I kept her by my side, our bond, people would have thought this was my best friend rather than my daughter. And honestly, she really was. She kept me away from certain people, places and things . . . And every moment she wasn’t with me, I always found myself doing the wrong thing.
After doing 4 years, 4 months, I was back incarcerated. I felt as if I let my little one down every time I heard her voice. She didn’t know what was going on “of course.” But every time she said “come get me,” or “where you at,” I knew our bond, and it hurt. I couldn’t give my little girl what she needed. And that was me; plus during this time, me and my wife just found out she was with child again.
I just felt time was not on my side during these moments. Almost a year later I had another little girl (a father of two), just being found guilty of my case and on my way of going to do 5 years in another institution. Me and my kids’ mother, my wife, wasn’t married during this time. We had a good relationship but my thing was her keeping those two beautiful girls a part of my life. Because of the bond I already had with Lyriq, I knew Ja-kai would be the same.
My wife Anjelica did exactly that tho. From consistent visits, phone calls, pictures, anything that’ll help them and me being a part of each other’s lives. I remember when they were a little younger than now, and every time they were to come and visit me Lyriq would always start dancing, saying, “look at my dance” and it’s so funny/amazing.
Still till this day she’s s till showing her own tw m e d a nc e o feet, she mo v e s. A n d ’s been foll since Ja-ka got me thro owing Lyriq i ha s b e e n ugh hard ti ’s fo o ts able to sta teps: “Dad m e s. nd on dy, look at my dance . . .” Their jo y
After a 5 year bid, I finally came home to be with them and the family. When I first walked through the door, Lyriq hugged me and started crying. Shocked but I understood how much of an absence of my presence that she needed. How much she missed me. No matter how many visits, phone calls, pictures, whatever, it can never compare to the actual presence of her dad.
I’m sorry I left your side again. Feeling so up about being out and back with them, but down knowing the fact of the hurt I’ve caused by being away . . . Before you knew it, my mother’s entire living room was in tears, watching me and my two little girls back together . . .
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For them, I got my first job. For them, I did everything that was arranged for me to do within my parole guidelines. For them, I think before I act. For them, my impulsive decisions have stopped and become cautious actions.
Ja-kai, I could never do wrong in her eyes, my hardbody, the form of me in human form. Lyriq, my humble sweetheart, the form of her mother but daddy’s little girl . . . I know Empire, Raging Waters, Santa’s Village and every other kid amusements because I wanted to do everything possible with them. Create new memories of happiness.
My shorty Ja-kai, always by my side, never letting up. She told me once “We’re back together again.” She putting me on house arrest for life and only thing I can do is go to work and back home. Her and Lyriq both just think that’s so funny (but I know how serious they really are).
My girls are my world! So for them, upon my release I will fully commit to making a change, and forever in life, pursue a life of positivity, happiness, peace and joy.
Ja-kai-n-Lyriq are my heart and world. Them and their mother is what makes me whole.
I love you til death and after. I dedicate my life to you…For you, I’ll die and for you I’ll live.
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright
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