Public Service Announcement

The other day, my life flashed before my eyes. When a writer says this, what they’re often describing is a computer malfunction. That’s exactly what I’m describing now. My laptop, with all my stuff on it, became a broken piece of hardware rather than a host of unfinished projects and creative possibilities. Yes, I had it backed up. No, I don’t need your advice about “the cloud”, although thank you very much because I have had to learn all that the hard way.

So I had to get it fixed. That meant that for several days, I wasn’t myself. I was no longer a writer. I was a person in the world. I didn’t crouch over a laptop for hours. I read some things and went for a walk and cleaned out a few cupboards without thinking I should really be getting back to it.

Public Service Announcement: have your life flash before your eyes (without the almost dying part). It’s fascinating what you’ll see.

A few days later, I was doing yoga (I’m becoming a yoga person – it’s a whole character arc) and at the end bit where you lie on the floor and try not to go to sleep, I looked up at the ceiling fan. The whole room was reflected in it. There was a tiny me on a tiny yoga mat. A pile of washing over there. A cat over there. I thought: look at that person, living her life.

Another way to come at your life sideways is to look at photographs. An accidental hour sitting with someone, giggling at things and trying to remember things and telling stories, while the day grows slowly darker around you and your cups of tea go cold.

At my kid’s school, they use Google Earth to study geography. Don’t know what Google Earth is? It’s basically satellite images of the entire planet/your street/a forest in South America/wherever you want to go. Honestly, though, the kids just love it because they can look at each other’s houses on it. Travelling the world remotely is by no means as incredible as travelling the world via aeroplane, but the thing is, it’s free, and you don’t get jetlag. You realise, when you’re somewhere else, that your life is happening while billions of other people’s lives are happening too, in many different cultures and environments and languages. Your life flashes before your very eyes when you do this kind of thing, I reckon, because you’re comparing yourself not to other people you know but to a whole world of people you don’t know. What a mind-blowing thing.

The other time I feel like my life flashes before my eyes (but without the almost dying bit) is when I hear a song I haven’t heard in a while. Nothing like music to take you – almost physically – back to a place or a time or a person you love. There are some songs that are too much for me because of this. That’s how powerful music is. If you try and think about what you were doing that long ago for work, or what your worries were, you might not be able to put your finger on it. But the lyrics to your favourite song? They’ll come back, unbidden, as soon as the opening chords sound.

I had a friend play a trick on me recently. She told me about someone who was trying so hard to do the right thing but who was too busy and very stressed and whose life circumstances were just not enabling her to focus on this thing. She was blaming herself, when really the problem wasn’t that big in the scheme of things. Oh, how I felt for this friend. How I empathised. At this, my mate clapped her hands at me and said: “Ha! It was YOU ALL ALONG!” and I realised she had changed a few details and made me EMPATHISE WITH MYSELF. I think this is what they call “self care”, and it was true: I did not judge the stranger I had not met (and who in fact did not exist) as harshly as I had been judging myself for whatever it was (not cleaning the house, probably).

Public Service Announcement: take a look at your life from a different angle. Pretend you’re someone else for a minute. Listen to an old song. Look at some photos. Put down the laptop and look at the ceiling fan. It’s nice to get out sometimes.

Lorin Clarke is a Melbourne-based writer. The new series of her radio and podcast series, The Fitzroy Diaries, is on ABC Radio National and the ABC Listen app now.

2 cups plain flour ¼ cup icing sugar 185g butter, cubed 2 egg yolks 4-5 green apples, peeled, cored and chopped into chunks ¾ cup caster sugar ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon 2 cloves 1 tablespoon marmalade 30g butter milk for glazing extra caster sugar for sprinkling

Grease a 23cm pie dish. Preheat oven to 210°C.

Place flour, icing sugar and butter in a large bowl and, using your fingers, rub in the butter. Add the egg yolks and mix until a dough is formed. Put on a lightly floured bench and push into a ball.

Divide into two portions, one slightly larger than the other. Roll the larger portion between two sheets of baking paper. Cover bottom of the greased pie dish with the rolled-out pastry. Roll out the remaining pastry for the top. Cover both in plastic wrap and refrigerate while making the filling.

Combine the apples, sugar, cinnamon and cloves with two tablespoons of water in a large pan. Cover over low heat and cook until softened, stirring occasionally. Once cooked, pour off any juice and remove cloves. Add marmalade and butter to the pan, mix and cool.

Pour apple mixture into pastry-lined pie dish. Brush pastry rim with a little milk or water, put on the pastry lid and seal together edges with a fork. Slash holes in the lid, brush with milk and sprinkle with caster sugar.

Bake for 10 minutes, then reduce oven temperature to 180°C and bake for a further 30 minutes until golden.

TAG US WITH YOUR CREATION! @BIGISSUEAUSTRALIA #TASTESLIKEHOME BIG ISSUE VENDOR WILL WITH HIS OWN COOKBOOK

Filling my life with food gets me very excited. Apple pie reminds me of growing up on the family farm and having family gatherings. My Nanna would make the best homemade apple pie, and then my other Granny and I would make a delicious vanilla custard – it was tastebud heaven. I had a special bond with Granny. She would treat me like everyone else; she would always make sure I was the first to help when it was time to do the dishes. I loved being treated just like everyone else. I have cerebral palsy, live in a wheelchair and I have some intellectual disabilities.

I love looking back at all my wonderful family memories and traditions. Food says community to me because enjoying a great meal is a great way to get together with those who are important to you. It’s why I decided to publish my very own cookbook, Will and Friends Assorted Recipes. It is full of recipes I have gathered from friends and family. I have designed my cookbook to be accessible for everyone – it stands up on its own, with easy-to-read recipes while you cook. It was really important that my recipes cater for people with disabilities. I am very passionate about making things inclusive.

I have really enjoyed publishing my cookbook. I have met many wonderful people and love selling it while being a long-time vendor of The Big Issue. I’ve been selling The Big Issue on the streets and out front of the local Big W in Wangaratta for over 17 years. I love nothing more than getting out in the community, meeting people and making them smile. It’s my absolute dream job and I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to do it.

I always strive to live my life to the fullest and enjoy the great things life has to offer, one of those being amazing food. For me, going out and doing these different things – selling The Big Issue, making my cookbook, getting the support of my carers to help build a small business – gives me a lot of freedom and independence. I really want to be an example to people, to show them that you can build a great life and follow your dreams, even when you have limitations.